Today when love has slipped away

That's when I picture you standing on the shore

And all my sorrows, oh how they disappear

And I don't feel so lonely anymore

Tomorrow when it seems so far away

That's when I recall the way you watched me fall

And all my tears, they will turn to sand

And I won't feel so lonely anymore

"Not so Lonely"

-The Coral

Chapter 30:

Well, it's not like I have anything left to lose

Embry snuck past his mom so he and I could talk. I did feel bad that he was disobeying her on account of me. But it was important that we talk about this. I didn't really have a plan on where we should go. So I just started walking, and Embry followed.

"So, what's on your mind?" he asked.

"You seem to know me better than I know myself, so why don't you tell me?" I wondered if he would guess right.

"Well, you're floating on cloud nine right now because Jacob pretty much put you in charge." Okay, one for one. "And you're glad that I joined you guys, but you're a bit irritated about Quil." He was still right. "You're a little uneasy, so that must mean that your mom and brother are with Jake at the Cullen's." He looked at me to see how he was doing so far. I nodded to convey his success. "And, you keep biting your lip, so I'm guessing that you're still a little unsure about this whole "imprinting" thing."

I was shocked at how well he knew me.

"Wow, anything else?" It was a little freaky that he had pretty much summed up exactly how I was feeling at the moment.

"You're worried about my sneaking out and lying to my mom." He shook his head. "Don't be. I'll be eighteen in a few months. And when I'm legally an adult, I won't have to do all this sneaking around anymore."

"I just don't want your mother to think that I corrupted you."

"Who knows? You might. Give it a few months." He grinned suggestively at me.

I was too shocked to speak. Had he just made some weird teenage sexual innuendo at me? Well, I guess I shouldn't be too shocked. He was seventeen. I shrugged; all teenage boys think the same. I let him have his moment.

"So, are you still trying to figure out what all this means?" he questioned.

"I'm done trying to figure things out." I shook my head. "Thinking only gives me a headache."

"Okay, so what does that mean?"

"I know you care about me, a lot," I frowned. I really did hate that he felt so strongly. When you fall too hard for someone, it hurts all the more when they break your heart. "And I want you to know what you're in for…"

"God, you make it sound like a death sentence," Embry laughed.

"I've got a lot of baggage. I'm not the most stable person in the world."

"That's one of the reasons I care about you so much. You're so passionate about everything. I like the fact that you don't lie about your emotions." He smiled. I laughed. I couldn't hide my emotions even if I wanted to. I sighed. I still didn't understand why he wanted to be with me.

"Why'd you choose me?" I questioned. It was odd asking that question, but we were here to be honest.

Embry just smiled and shrugged, "Why'd Jacob choose Nessie? Why'd Quil choose Claire?" I noticed that he left Sam and Emily out of the picture. I appreciated that. "It's fate."

That's not exactly the answer that I wanted. I still didn't want to accept this whole "fate" and "destiny" crap.

"Come on, it's gotta be more than that."

"I already told you once, love is complex. The more questions you ask about it, the more confused you're going to be. Sometimes, it's so complex that it's the simplest answers that confuse you the most."

Well, he was right about the "confused" part. In fact, the more he talked about it, the more baffled I became. So, instead of confusing myself further, I just shrugged and nodded.

"Okay." I guess if I was going to give this thing a fair shot, I would just have to trust him. "I'll have to take your word for that." I replayed that sentence in my head. Had I just admitted that I was trusting someone again? Was I really ready to do that?

Embry continued reading my thoughts. "I know you have had some trust issues in the past." This whole constantly guessing my thoughts even when I was human was going to take some getting used to. "But you don't have to worry about that with me. I won't disappoint you."

"I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt," I said warily. "But if I ever find out that you've been less than honest with me…" When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't force myself to be threatening with him. Damn his sweet face.

"Well, you should take comfort in the fact that I couldn't lie to you even if I wanted to. We'll be sharing the same thoughts again." He smiled. "It's hard to lie in our thoughts."

"But not impossible." I could think of a few times I had completely bullshitted my way through a few conversations with Sam. And I thought of all the times that I had been able to completely keep some of my thoughts to myself when I was a wolf.

"Hey, when did you and Quil end up leaving behind Sam and the others?" I questioned.

"The day that you told me that Jake imprinted," he answered. "Of course, I waited a few days before I went to talk to Jacob. But, that was the day that I completely shut Sam out."

"Why that day?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I was afraid that I was going to lose you."

"Lose me? To what? The little vampire baby?" I laughed. I couldn't imagine that Sam had instilled that much fear into the pack about the little cross-bred infant.

Embry took a moment before he answered, "No. I was never actually afraid of the kid. The rest of the guys were, but I had other things on my mind." He looked at me.

"Oh, you mean…" I realized that I must have been constantly on his mind after I'd left the pack. I felt horrible for putting Embry through that. But it's not like I knew how he felt about me. And even if I had, I can't say that I wouldn't still do the exact same thing. "So, the fact that Jake imprinted has no effect on you whatsoever? You don't hate Nessie?" Geeze, it still felt weird saying her name without utter hatred.

"On the contrary, when you told me that Jake had imprinted on her, I was relieved."

Okay, that didn't make any sense at all. I'm sure Embry could read the confusion on my face.

"When you told me that he imprinted, I started to freak out." He took a breath before he went on. "See, I thought that Jake had imprinted on you. Even though I imprinted on you, no one in the pack besides Sam knew that. Who's to say it's impossible for two wolves to imprint on the same person? You don't feel the same pull that I do. And I thought that because you had never imprinted on me, that you would have no problem being with someone else, especially if it was Jacob." He lowered his eyes.

I stopped in my tracks and kept my gaze fixed straight in front of me. Embry stopped, too. He probably thought I was thinking about the possibility of Jake and I ending up together. He was dead wrong. Jacob and me? I laughed under my breath, and then let the chuckles pour out.

Sure, we were friends. Maybe even closer. But the possibility of the two of us hooking up was completely absurd to me. I wouldn't deny that we had a bond. We had both faced the same hardships. We understood each other's pain. In short, we were basically the same person. We were so alike that if we didn't get some time apart, we would probably rip each other to pieces. Embry stared at me as I laughed.

"You think that Jake and I have feelings for each other?" I gasped through the laughter. "If he had imprinted on me, I would have killed his ass during the first date!"

We started to walk again.

"I know that now," Embry nodded. "But I didn't know what to think after you all left. I couldn't hear you anymore. When we would have our little chats, I would try so hard to read what you were thinking. Most of the time, I could. But the one thing I was never clear on was what was going on between you and Jake."

"Rest assured that nothing really changed between the two of us." Then, I realized that that wasn't true. Jake and I had opened up to one another about our mutual feelings of despair. And it was kind of nice to know that I wasn't hurting alone. We did become friends. But I don't think either one of us saw it as anything more, "Well, okay, we are able to tolerate being around each other. But, we fight all the time. We are constantly at each other's throats about something," I laughed. "There were a couple of times right after we left the pack that I thought Seth was going to be left all alone, because I figured that Jake and I were going to kill one another."

"Why did you follow him if you didn't agree with what he was doing?"

I glared at Embry and frowned, "Come on, you know the answer to that."

Embry thought for a moment. "You really wanted away from Sam that badly?"

"You don't know how much being under his command really, really sucked for me." I couldn't think of any other way to sum it up.

"I think I have an idea," Embry said quietly. I guess being under Sam's command couldn't have been easy for him either, especially after Jake, Seth, and I left.

"Speaking of which, why exactly did you take so long to break away from Sam? Every time I talked to you, you told me that you weren't really listening to Sam anyway. I knew you never really wanted to fight. And you just said that Nessie didn't bother you."

"I had to wait for the right time."

The right time. I suddenly remembered that I had asked him this once before, and he had given me the same response. I finally understood. He didn't stay with Sam's pack because of loyalty. He stayed because he wasn't ready to tell me about the imprinting. He knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it from me any longer when we were sharing thoughts again. I thought back to how he said that he didn't want me to feel pressured to be with him.

"You…would have sacrificed your love for me if Jake had imprinted?" I was extremely moved by the gesture.

"If you two had wound up together, I wouldn't have interfered. I just want to see you happy."

I had never realized how noble and caring that Embry was. At seventeen years old, he understood the complexity of love. My mom had been right about wanting your loved ones to be happy. All we can hope for is for the people we love to find happiness. And that started to sting me, because all I wanted now was for Embry to be happy. And the only way that could happen would be for us to end up together. I knew I couldn't guarantee that. But I could at least try.

"Maybe we could give this whole thing a shot," I sighed. I saw his face light up. I didn't want to bring him down, but I wanted to be honest with him. "I can't promise anything. I just want you to know that I don't have the same feelings that you have for me."

"Give it time." He seemed so sure of himself. I hoped that confidence wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass.

"I just don't want to hurt you." I had been hurt enough to know that I would never be able to forgive myself for doing the same thing to someone else.

"I understand," he said.

"How can you be okay with all of this?" I knew it had to hurt him that I didn't love him back.

"Because you are the one thing in my life that I have ever been sure about," he said with certainty.

I laughed, "Now if you start pulling all this "romance" crap and feeding me cheesy lines like that, this is not going to work."

"Fair enough." Embry laughed as well. "I get it. You're the independent type. I can deal with that." He suddenly stopped walking and started slowly going in the opposite direction as me.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Giving you your independence," he shrugged, and then a devious smile broke across his face,. "I'm going this way." He started jogging down another path. "And you can go whichever way you want to." He had to know that I was going to follow him. How could I not? We hadn't finished our talk.

"Call, get your butt back here!" I raced after him. I caught up to him in no time. "You really think you could beat me in a footrace?" I laughed.

"Oh, you'd be surprised." Embry lifted his eyebrows at me.

"Bring it on." I dashed forward. Embry wasn't far behind.

To my surprise, Embry stayed pretty even with me for most of the run. He jumped a few steps ahead of me and spun around to face me, blocking my path.

"Since when are you faster than me?"

He shrugged, "Being the fastest wolf was never important to me. I knew what it meant to you."

He had been holding out on me. I wondered how long he had been letting me get my way without telling me.

I took a moment to recognize where our run had ended. We were back on the same cliff that we had been on the night that Embry told me about his feelings for me. I walked over to the edge and glanced down at the ocean crashing against the rocks below.

"Wanna jump? The current shouldn't be too strong today," Embry suggested.

"I've done enough jumping into things for today." I shook my head. As a matter of fact, diving into this new relationship with Embry was probably the most terrifying thing I had ever done. Compared to that, cliff-diving was as safe as a basket of kittens.

It's not that the idea of cliff-diving scared me. I'd never been physically afraid of anything. It's the emotional fear that I had issues with. Physical scars heal. Emotional ones stick with you for life.

Embry continued with being in sync with my thoughts. "I won't let you get hurt, Leah. I promise."

I wasn't sure whether or not he meant he wouldn't let me get hurt cliff-diving, or if he could read deeper into my feelings about being emotionally hurt. Either way, it was sweet. And the reasoning didn't matter. What mattered is that he cared enough about me to keep me from hurting any way that he could.

I sighed, "I have a few conditions. I don't do the whole "candlelight romance" thing. I won't put up with any over-protective bullshit. No relationship talk when we're wolves. And I don't like to cuddle."

"You sure about this?" Embry seemed a little surprised.

I just nodded. Sure, what the hell? What else did I have to lose?