She's at the Scott residence late again.
It's after nine and she helped him put Jamie to bed and now they're in the kitchen clearing up the dinner she made.
She keeps staying later.
He doesn't really know how or why it's happened.
His suspension from work didn't last long and hadn't seemed to have harmed his relationship with his boss- if anything Larry seemed to respect him that much more for defending his daughter. But since his return to work he's stopped picking the five year old up from her house on a weekday. She brings him back here after school instead. To begin with thats all it was. Now its her cooking dinner. And tonight she stayed for the bedtime routine too.
He likes it though.
He knows he should find it irritating or even be annoyed because her interfering is probably because he can't cook and because he can't provide all the things Jamie needs. And yet he doesn't care. Because she makes it easier and she no longer makes him feel like he's incapable, if anything she makes him feel like he is capable.
'So are you feeling like this is your house yet?' She breaks the silence. It's rarely just the two of them and she doesn't enjoy the awkward quiet that envelopes them when they are on their own.
'I'll never feel like this is my house, nor worthy of-'
'Lucas you're Jamie's family. You're the only person that was willing to sacrifice his life for that little boy. For that, Haley and Nathan owe you the world'
He can feel a heat rising in his cheeks. He doesn't like complements and Peyton Sawyer has been doing it a hell of a lot lately. Nor is she right. He didn't have much of a life to sacrifice in the first place.
'I'll never be comfortable living off of their fortune' He mutters, he feels like a thief, a fraud, even if he's not using their money as such, he's living in their big house and using their things.
'You're not living off of it. You've got a job and besides Haley and Nathan would want the best for their son. You're entitled to it'
He snorts.
'You are. Luke, half of this-' She flings her arms out. 'It comes from Dan Scott's fortune. You're his son too-'
'He's not my father' He cuts her off abruptly and his voice is deep and angry and sends a shiver right through her.
She bites her tongue.
'I didn't, I didn't mean to snap' He exhales.
'It's alright' Her hand reaches out and soothes over his.
His eyes watch her slender fingers for a moment.
'Peyton I haven't, I know I haven't thanked you for everything you've done to help me, to help me and Jamie' He moves his larger hand to grip her dainty digits in his palm. 'So thank you'
'You're more than welcome' She smiles and it's awkward and nervous because they don't know how to be with each other. 'That Susan woman rang here again earlier' She changes the subject because now seems as good a time as any to breech the subject.
In an instant he slides his hand from hers and they're disconnected once more.
'She said she'd really appreciate it if you called her back'
He continues to ignore her but he hears. He hears loud and clear.
'I asked her what it concerns'
This garners her his stare. His eyes are angry.
'And what did she say?' He almost growls.
'Nothing, she said it's a confidential matter' She hurriedly answers.
He grunts and then decides its best to escape her pleading gaze.
He walks out of the kitchen and she follows hastily.
'Luke' She grabs his hand as he enters the living room, stopping his get away. 'Hey. Don't walk away from me. I'm speaking to you'
He doesn't meet her eyes. He's like a child being told off.
'Look at me'
He very reluctantly does so.
'What is it?' Now she's got his attention her voice changes. It's gentle.
'Why do you even care?' He doesn't mean to keep snapping at her but he does. She's asking questions that he doesn't want to answer but she's so fucking persistant.
She lets go of his hand and crosses her arms in front of her.
'I'm sorry. I don't know why' Sarcasm drowns her words. 'Maybe because I'm trying to help, because I'm trying to be your friend. Because although you don't believe it, I do care'
He's quite taken aback by her sudden annoyance.
He glances up toward the ceiling, half expecting her tone to have allured the sleeping five year old out of bed.
She sees him and his concern over Jamie only infuriates her more.
'Fine. You know what? You don't want to talk to me. Thats fine. I'm done trying'
She turns to leave and it's him that grabs her arm to stop her retreating form this time.
'My mother' He blurts because as much as he won't admit it right now, he really doesn't want her to leave.
She blinks and takes a sharp intake of breath.
'That's what this woman is ringing about' He elaborates. 'My biological mother' He pushes his tongue to the roof of his mouth and breathes out through his nose. 'She's been trying to get in contact with me but I'm not interested'.
Peyton swallows thickly.
His fingers stay wrapped tightly around her wrist but she doesn't pull away, doesn't dare pull away, not for a single second because she's got him. He's speaking to her and she doesn't want to do anything to stop that.
'Why don't you-'
'Why don't I want her to get in contact?' He cuts off exasperatedly. 'I don't know, maybe because I don't know her, because the last time I saw her I was three. I barely remember her and she left me. She didn't want me. Why should she be a part of my life now?' This is why he doesn't share. People like her, the perfect people with their perfect lives, they can't possibly understand him. They live in their perfect bubbles with their unrealistic points of view.
But thats not Peyton. She ignores his tone. 'Do you know why she left?' She can't help but ask.
'It doesn't matter why' He emphasises.
She wants to argue but she's wise enough not to. Of course the why doesn't play a part in his decision. His mother's choice has governed the rest of his life. He's not had it easy- of course he's not willing to give the woman a chance. He doesn't want to know her story because if it wasn't her fault he won't have anyone to blame and he needs someone to be angry at.
He drops onto the sofa. He's still got a vice like hold on her skinny wrist and his movement jolts her forward. His eyes are closed and she wonders if he's even aware that he's holding onto her so tightly.
She stares down at his head of hair.
It's longer than it was when he first arrived. He no longer looks like a convict to her. His dark sandy blonde hair is messy but clean and before she even realises what she's doing her free fingers are threading through it.
He looks up instantly, her touch alerting him to her close presence.
Her hand drops to his shoulder and she squeezes lightly.
She's comforting him, only he doesn't know that. He doesn't really understand the concept so much. He's never really experienced it and it makes him feel uneasy.
'I'm sorry' He says suddenly, releasing his grip on her wrist.
She doesn't care about the red finger print marks. She moves closer. She has a leg either side of his and he looks up at her questioningly.
He doesn't know what she's thinking or doing. She's meant to be moving away not getting nearer.
She doesn't answer his squinting eyes.
'No. I'm sorry' Her hands move to his face. 'You didn't deserve any of it Lucas. You know that right?'
He listens to her words. Its hard not to think himself responsible. When so much shit happens you start to believe its your own doing in the end and he doesn't understand why her hand is on his face.
'Fucked up things happen to good people' She carries on. He's taken aback by her swearing. She doesn't swear.
'I'm not good' He mutters naturally. She needs to know that because he's certain she's become a bit delusional in the last ten minutes. She doesn't like him. That's how it's meant to be.
'Yes you are' She scowls. It's not her usual glower that is so frequently directed at him though. It's not filled with dislike or disapproval. 'Everything you've done for Jamie shows that'
'Stop it. You're just pitying me'
Her frown deepens. 'You know what? You're the one that's pitying yourself not me' She turns with every intention of leaving again because he's irritating her.
But he prevents her escape once more, only this time he's aware of what he's doing.
He stands and his fingers simultaneously encircle her wrist and jerk her around.
Her slight frame falls into him and she gasps, his eyes dark with anger and lust.
'I'm just being honest' He grinds out. 'You're one of those girls' She tries to step back but his free hand holds her hip firmly against him and he thinks he sees fear in her eyes and he's glad. Because that's how it's meant to be. She's meant to be afraid of him. He can't be her friend. 'You think you can fix someone and make them better. You think you can change a person' His words hit her face with an angry blow. 'You're attracted to me' He goes on. He sees the way she's been looking at him since that night. Since the night everything changed between them. 'But you don't want to be because I'm not the perfect guy you're meant to be with but the thought of changing me is appealing, the only way you can let me fuck you is to convince yourself that you're helping me'
His face is so close, every heavy exhale touches her lips.
She wants to cry. She knows her eyes have gone all glassy.
'That's not true' She says quietly because she doesn't trust the lump in the back of her throat. It's so not true. She's not stupid. She's not one of those girls that thinks she can change someone to be what she wants them to be. She's learning who he is. She's learnt he's not the dickhead she'd initially pegged him as. He's still an ass but there's more to him than she'd ever imagined.
'No?' He tilts his head to the side, aligning their mouths and she's not quite sure how they got here with his lips so close to hers.
Her heart thrums in her chest. Her head says move away but she doesn't.
'I could do anything to you right now' He whispers lowly. 'And you'd let me'
He brushes his nose tauntingly against hers and she doesn't have time to register what he's just said because then his lips are on hers and they're kissing and she won't move.
He's rough and assertive and she likes that. She never knows what she wants but he seems to know everything her body wants and needs. It's something she finds hard to get her head around- since that night it's all she can think about. How can he understand her body better than herself? It makes no sense but she doesn't care because ecstasy is within her grasp.
He stops it shorty after his fingers have slid beneath her shirt though and she wants to scream. His fingers stay on the bare skin of her lower back tormentingly as he speaks.
'See' He says deeply. 'You don't remotely like me sweetheart and yet you just let me do that. It's fucked up'
Her face screws up. She doesn't understand. She does like him.
'I do li-'
'You said you didn't want to do this Peyton. Whats changed? You know a bit more about my fucked up past and you feel sorry for me, well I don't want your pity'
She shakes her head in frustration.
'You're right' She pushes him back and he stumbles because he's not expecting it, nor her strength. The backs of his legs hit the sofa and he falls back onto the seat. 'Things have changed and that is because I know more about you' She walks forward. 'But not because I pity you or because I want to change you' She sinks down onto his legs without any hesitation. 'I don't know why' She really doesn't understand why. They've pretended that they never slept together. They've gone the last four weeks pretending but she can think of nothing else, despite all her efforts.
His hands instinctively fall to her hips and pull her forward.
She gasps, her fingers find his shoulders to steady herself and she swallows. 'You're the one that just wants to fuck me' She rolls her hips against his evident arousal to prove a point. She doesn't like the idea of being used. She doesn't want to be made a fool of but despite knowing all that was likely she still wants him and he wants her and she's past the point of caring about right or wrong. She's beginning to think that perhaps she can be what he wanted. Perhaps she can be content with just sleeping with him. 'You're right' she presses her forehead against his. 'I will let you do whatever you want to me'
'Peyton' He closes his eyes tightly.
'Yes?'
He inhales and then a moment after he shifts her so her back is suddenly on the sofa and he's hovering over her.
'You shouldn't say that'
'Why?'
'Because I won't stop' He warns.
'Who said I wanted you to?'
'Do you know what your doing?' He hisses into her ear. 'Because if we do this again I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself anymore'
She doesn't verbally answer. She's had enough of talking. She tugs his face back down to hers and reunites their lips.
They're both clearly confused about where they stand with each other but she's had enough of their frustrating conversation and trying to determine what this means in her head so they kiss instead and it gets heated fast.
She wants to feel what he made her feel before because it's the best she's ever felt.
Soon enough she's pulling her shirt over her head and then he holds her face in his hands because she's frantic and he wants a moment to just slow her down and look at her.
'What?' She mutters breathlessly.
'How're you so fucking beautiful?' It's not said in a loving nor romantic way. It's gruff and pained. Because that's exactly what she makes him feel. He avoids eye contact half the time purely to prevent his mind from going to the gutter.
A pink flush works it's way up her cheek bones.
He's done things that have told her he finds her attractive, she catches him checking her out but he's never verbally said anything. She opens her mouth, a response on the tip of her tongue but it's cut off.
'MUMMY!' It's loud and hysterical and it makes them both jump.
They'd temporarily forgotten where they were and who they were.
'MUMMY!'
Peyton blinks.
'MUMMY!'
And then she's plummeted back to reality with an almighty thump.
Jamie.
She pushes frantically at Lucas' shoulders and he slumps to the side with an exasperated groan because her leaving him right now is beyond painful. He quite literally needs her.
The child's desperte sobs from the upstairs landing have her tripping over her feet as she tugs her arms back into the corresponding arm holes of her shirt.
'Peyton' Lucas' voice is hoarse and strained.
'Stay here. I'll see to him' She answers urgently. She's not sure if he's complaining because she's leaving or because she's tending to the five year old instead of him. He's in no state to go and see to Jamie though and she can't stand to listen to another second of the child's hysterical sobbing.
She stumbles up the carpeted staircase and hurries toward the frantic cries emitting from Jamie's room.
He's standing in the doorway and his hair is glued to his head and he's coughing through his sobs as he struggles to get breath to his lungs.
She scoops him up and swaddles him in her arms, hushing soothingly in his ear.
He's clammy all over and chanting nonsensically for his mother. His mother that's not here, nor will ever be.
She sits on the bed with him and tells him it's alright, that it was just a nightmare and that she's got him and eventually his sobs lessen and his arms and legs clamp around her and he buries his head in the crook of her neck.
When he's calmed down she makes him have a sip of water and lays him back down in his bed. Her hand swoops repeatedly over his forehead.
'You alright now honey?'
He nods shakily.
'You had a nightmare?'
He nods again.
'What happened?'
He just looks up at her.
'You don't wanna talk about it?'
He shakes his head.
'That's alright you don't have to talk about it. It was just a dream though. You're safe' She kneels by the bed. 'I'm going to stay right here until you fall back to sleep' She kisses his rosy cheek and continues to stroke his forehead.
It breaks her heart to have to see him so distressed. She wonders what Haley would have done. She knows that the young mother would have had him calm and smiling again a lot quicker that she had.
She wishes she could take away the pain. She doesn't want to cause him anymore pain.
She stays by the bed long after his wet eye lashes flicker shut.
It's Lucas' figure in the doorway that finally tears her away.
She makes sure he's all tucked in, one last time before rising and tip toeing from the room.
'How is he?'
'He had a nightmare'
'Oh' He looks over her shoulder into the dimly lit room.
The little boy is fast asleep now. His cheeks are a little blotchy with the tears he's shed and his heavy breaths are shaky but he's sleeping peacefully.
'We should go talk somewhere else. We might wake him again' He says in a hushed voice.
'You want me to stay?'
'It's really late, you can't walk back at this hour by yourself'
His response doesn't really answer her question.
He turns and she follows him down the hall to the room he's taken as his own.
She gingerly hovers in the doorway and he pulls back the bed covers.
'What're we doing Lucas?' She whispers.
He's squinting again. 'I don't know I, look, I don't do this okay? If I'm, say I was with you, if, if we have a relationship and it ends it will affect Jamie'
'Yes' She agrees softly. She's thought of nothing but that in the last thirty minutes as she's consoled the child in question. She's thought of nothing but all the ramifications their already confusing relationship will do to the five year old.
'But' He crosses the room to where she's standing 'I don't think I can physically stay away from you any longer, especially having been with you' He sighs in defeat and fiddles with the bottom of the shirt that drapes her body.
'Then don't' She shrugs her shoulder. 'We, we can keep this quiet. No one needs to know, especially Jamie, not until we know what's going on between us' She suggests softly.
'You'd do that?' He asks.
'Like you said, this isn't just about us. It's about that little boy that's already been hurt so much. I don't want to be the cause of more pain. Whatever happens between us needn't affect him'
Lucas' mouth twitches up into a half smile. He's not had good people in his life, he hadn't realised that people like her actually existed and now that he's had a taste he doesn't ever want it to stop. He's said unwarranted things to her, pushed her away, been unfair because he's waiting for her to leave because people always do and yet she's not, she's still standing before him and she's apparently not going anywhere.
Only it should stop. It had to stop for her sake.
'Peyton I'm not a relationship kind of guy. Especially not with girls like you-'
'And what's that suppose to mean?' She scowls.
'Well. You're smart, you've had an education and I bet you were an over achiever and you have a good job and you live this perfect life and you're beautiful, you deserve better than me'
Her brow furrows. 'Don't start doing that, don't tell me what I need or that you're not good enough cause it's bullshit'
'You barely know me'
'And you don't know me'
'I know enough'
'Yeah? Well for your information I hated school. I spent the most part skipping class and in my final year I went through some shit that took me a long time to get over' She turns away from him. 'I may not have had it as bad as you but my life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park' She sits down on the edge of the bed. 'I want to know about you and maybe I want you to know about me too'
'I've had a fucked up life. I've done fucked up shit'
'Everyone has a past. If there's one thing I've learnt you can't let it hinder you from living in the now'
He's silent for a moment.
He registers her words and then he sits on the other side of the bed and she feels the mattress dip.
'Come're' She looks over her shoulder and he's laying down and holding the bedcovers for her to crawl under.
She hesitantly moves toward him.
His arms move around her. He's not done this before. He's never just laid and held a girl and it feels nice and she feels safe.
He's confused and she's confused.
But they're confused together.
And one thing they're both certain of, is that whatever this is, they will not let it affect James Scott.