Strong Destiny, Weak Heart

What's This I'm Feeling?

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I wish I could take credit for Sailor Moon! Alas, not my creation, only this story is.

Previously on Strong Destiny, Weak Heart:

"It's beauty falters when compared to yours." He said as he held her from behind and they both looked at each other. Before she realized what was happening, she found herself leaning in for her first kiss with him. When their lips met, she felt herself melt into his embrace. Darien was the furthest thing from her mind in that moment. This day was all about Reagan, and he made certain they weren't around anything that would trigger any memory of him. She felt her spine tingle as she leaned into him, trying to deepen the kiss. He complied willingly, and they were entranced with their feelings for each other. When they finally separated they were both breathless in the best way imaginable. She was blushing, immensely, and so was he, but he didn't turn away like she did. He hugged her so she could hide her face in his arms. She was surprised at how happy, and complete she felt with him.

And now the continuation...

Chapter 13

After their tender moment at the viewpoint, they got back in the car, both happy with how the night turned out. Five minutes into the drive, he reached over and held her hand. "Serena, I just want to clear some last minute details." She looked at him with curious eyes, wondering what his looming doubts were. "Well, so are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend now?" She smiled at his insecurity.

"I don't kiss every guy I meet! Yes, we are officially a couple, if that makes you feel better." He squeezed her hand a little tighter at the news.

"Last question, we're exclusive right?" He asked, hoping this last answer would silence the fears and doubts he felt in his heart. She laughed again, realizing how serious he was about her, and his obvious commitment made her heart soar.

"Yes Darien, we're exclusive." She smiled as she patted his hand with her other hand.

"What? Who did you just call me?" He said, stung by the name she had said. Once he brought it up, she realized her mistake. She covered her mouth with both hands, in both embarrassment and shame.

"Reagan. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry!" She apologized profusely.

"I have to ask, so did he break up with you, or did you break up with him?" Since he was already brought up, he figured he better not pass up the chance to get his questions answered, now that he was calm and level headed. She began to blush, hoping that no matter which answer she gave, she wouldn't lose him.

"Well, he said we were too young to be together, and that if we were still interested in a commitment after I turned 18, then we would be."

"So he broke up with you because of your age?" She tried to be aloof with the word 'break up' but he kept bringing it up.

"You could say that." She said as she turned away to look at the scenery they drove by.

"So you were in love with him, and he didn't believe you could be." It was more of statement then a question. He sounded like he knew something about the experience. Serena was unsure if this was a time to go into his pain or not.

"Reagan, have you ever been in love?" She asked, cautiously as she faced him, and prepared herself for his answer.

"Yes. Once before. A few years ago, when I was 14." He answered as he was taken back to the moment, and he could feel his heart's wound reopen once more.

"What happened?" She asked cautiously, yet eager to hear the tale.

"Well, I've been in and out of hospitals since I was little. As far back as I can remember, there's always been SOMETHING wrong with me. There was a girl, that was two years older than me, that I seemed to always run into when I was there. She was terminally ill. Every time I went in, I'd always visit with her for a while. You couldn't tell anything was wrong with her by the look of her. She was real nice, and sweet, you remind me a lot of her." He looked at her and smiled as he took up her hand once more and gave it a small squeeze. "I didn't know she was a 'lifer' and we'd always talk about our future together, and how we'd always be friends. Then, the last time I saw her, we were talking like always. Then, she just started yelling at me to stop dreaming, and how life was never fair, and how I didn't know what love was. She said I needed to stop 'playing house' and grow up. I looked up at her on her bed from my chair and told her my love for her was as real as me there right in front of her. She said I was wrong and she didn't want to see me anymore because I just brought her too much pain. I didn't understand what she meant, I didn't want to leave her, I loved her so much. But I did what she asked, I thought she just needed some time to 'cool off' or think or something. But the next week when I went to check on her she was gone. The nurse told me they buried her two days prior. I was too late because I couldn't 'be in love'. Apparently I found out later that she told her family about me, and they told her that we were too young to be in love. They decided to 'talk some sense into her' and forbade me from going into her room anymore, she begged her parents to just let her say goodbye, and that was when she turned me away. I found out the truth when the nurse gave me a letter that her parents left for me. It was a hand written letter from her, to her parents, and to me. She said they were wrong to hold back our love and she wished, even for the short time she was here, they would have let us be happy. She wrote that she really did love me, and she was sorry if she hurt me. She wanted me to know she was hurt too." He stopped speaking as he began to tear up at the memory. Serena didn't know what to say, it was all just too sad. She didn't know what she'd do if she lost Darien, but she knew her situation was much different. Sure she had lost Darien on the moon, just as suddenly, and they were in love, but how courageous Reagan must be to be able to move on, and live, for the both of them. She had just given up and killed herself, unwilling to move on. She knew what strength and torment he must have endured through that experience.

"Reagan, I'm so sorry." She whispered into the car as the silence took over.

"It was a long time ago." He said, as he tried not to talk about the subject anymore. She understood and didn't bring up the subject anymore. When he reached Serena's driveway, he opened the door for her, and walked her to her porch. It wasn't too late when they got back, so Serena decided to study since she had cut all the time that she was supposed to study out of the day. "Another beautiful evening with a beautiful lady." he said as he hugged her goodbye, and kissed her hand before returning to his car. She smiled and hurried inside before her dad decided to make a scene. When she was inside, she decided to make a call to Ami and ask about the Cyborg.

"Hello?" She heard Ami's soft voice answer the phone.

"Ami? It's me, Serena."

"Oh, hi Serena."

"Hi, I just called to ask about the cyborg, is it finished yet?"

"Yeah, I brought it today, but you didn't show up. Darien said that he had a confrontation with Reagan and you probably wouldn't show up after what happened, but he didn't give any details."

"Oh, well, yeah, that wasn't very fun. I'll have to fill you in tomorrow, right now I wanted to talk to you about the cyborg." Serena began twirling the phone line in her fingers as she spoke, cautious of anyone in her family trying to listen in.

"Well, it's fully functional and has multiple settings and has a network connection to the command center, and runs with a i5-480M Intel core!"

"Ami, you might as well be speaking Korean. I don't understand any of that stuff! Listen, I picked out a training ground for myself, and I was wondering if you could follow me to it after school tomorrow and we can talk about it more then."

"Sure Serena, if that's what you want." Ami sounded disappointed that all her hard work was falling on deaf ears.

"Thanks Ami, you're a lifesaver! See you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye Serena." After Serena hung up she ran to her room and quickly got to studying and then bed, anxious for the next day because there was so much to do.

On the way to the temple, Darien was furious at what happened at the Arcade, and couldn't wait for training to start. He planned on having a long conversation with Rei after he left all his irritation on the training grounds. He was unsure of how to explain to the others what happened and why Serena was most likely not going to show up for training today. When he arrived, he was a bit cooler, but still very upset.

"Hey Darien, did you happen to see Serena on the way here?" Mina asked as she and Lita stopped their conversation about guys and focused on him.

"Yeah, I did. And I doubt she'll show up for training today." He could feel his anger flaring up again.

"Why? What happened?" Lita asked, concerned.

"I saw her at the Arcade, with Reagan, and things didn't go well. Reagan and I got into it, and I don't think he likes the idea that she sees me every day." He said, scratching the back of his head, unsure how the girls would take it.

"How did they know she sees you every day?" Mina asked, confused how he knew.

"Because I told him when I wanted to give Serena a ride to training today." He said shamelessly.

"You what! You told a civilian about our training?" Ami was thinking about the backlash it would cause.

"No, I said we were all in a study group, calm down Ami, everything is fine." He said, still with spite in his voice.

"So what happened?" Mina asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. Serena may not show up today, let's just leave it at that." The girls decided not to test him, hearing the bitterness in his voice.

"But the cyborg, it's finally finished..." She said, obviously disappointed.

"It's alright Ami, you know Serena is bound to use it eventually." Mina tried to comfort her. Rei said nothing, unsure if this would change his mind about the call he made to her the night before. She had too much on her mind, and was happy to be distracted by focusing on training.

"Well, shall we start?" Darien said, already transformed and anxious for the battle to begin.

"So you versus all of us then?" Rei said, knowing he had the energy for it right now.

"I was hoping." He said with a smirk to Rei. They all transformed and began training. By the end, everyone was winded and exhausted except Darien. They had been training for 3 hours straight. Darien healed them, and wanted to start over, but the girls were unwilling.

"How bout I just set the cyborg up for you? Then we can see exactly what the limits and malfunctions are, if any." Ami said, happy that she'd be able to see her work in action.

"Yeah, sure. Okay."

"Just remember, it has all of our abilities and speed. If it's too easy for you, I could just change the settings."

"Sounds great! Let's start." Darien was still ready for battle and was ready to see what his REAL limits could be, with actually hitting back, and not having to fight defensively for fear of seriously injuring the girls with his sword. He could heal, yes. But he'd rather not risk his limits on his friends. After three more hours of watching Darien go at it with the cyborg, and getting necessary details and information for her logs, Ami decided Darien had trained enough, and he was forced to call it a night. He was happy he managed to train as much as he had though. Ami was worried about how his body would react to the rigorous training the following day. She informed him that she would call him some time the following day to see how he felt. Then shut down the cyborg, and left to study. Mina and Lita took off an hour before her, bored of watching him and decided to get a bite to eat and get ready for their dates. When Rei was left, she noticed Darien walking toward the stairway and seating himself, looking at the moon. She walked up to him, feeling sorry for him yet again.

"So are you still sure you want to go through with our plan?" She asked as she seated herself next to him.

"Definitely. Why? Are you having doubts?" He asked, suddenly scared that his plan would fall apart without her. She just shook her head no.

"I just want you to be sure that this is the course you want to take to get her back. I'll back you up, but that still doesn't make it right. Just make sure you know what you're doing and don't scare her away." Rei said, afraid his jealousy would get the better of him.

"I know what I want, and I'm not willing to let it go so easily." He said as he clenched his fist, still gazing at the moon.

"Can I asked what happened? Or are you still too peeved to talk about it?" She asked, preparing for him to yell at her or something equally defensive. He just smiled at her as he looked to her, ready to reveal the events.

"Why would you do that!" She shouted at him when he told her everything that happened.

"I couldn't help it! Something inside me just went off!" He continued to smile, reliving the events, and turning back to the moon.

"Darien, you can't act like that again, you're going to lose her." She said, full of concern.

"You know, there's one thing that really made me feel better. It's why you scared me when I thought you wanted to back out now."

"What's that?"

"Reagan called you my 'girlfriend' and I saw Serena's face when he said it. It was a look of pure fear, and realization. This plan is going to work Rei, I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right Darien, for your own sake. I don't like what this whole thing is doing to you. What if he forbade her to go near you and she agreed, how would this plan help you then?"

"There's always word of mouth, the scouts won't keep secrets from her. All we really have to do is put on a show for them." She didn't like the sound of it, but she was focusing on alternatives, if his plan fell through.

"Okay, and what if you did things for her instead of against her? What if you're going about this the wrong way?"

"What other way is there?"

"Well, you've only been her enemy and her love, how about being her friend?" Rei said, blushing at her own comment.

"That's not such a bad idea, but is there any reason I can't do both? Isn't it more likely that I'd want to be her friend if I had someone else?"

"Hmmmm, I guess that does make sense." She said, realizing he had a point. Maybe he wasn't just thinking with his heart after all. "So you really think this is going to work?" She said, with hope in her heart.

"Well, I hope it is. I'm sure we'll find out." He smiled at her, and remembered what Andrew had told him. "Rei, this isn't going to be too difficult for you is it? I know how much Serena means to you. I also remember how hard you were trying for us to be a couple before." He said, lowering his gaze to the stairs below. She didn't speak for a moment, contemplating on what to say to him.

"I can't say that your separation from her didn't bring back questions about my feelings for you. I never did get any closure."

"I'm sorry for that."

"No need to apologize. I just mean I couldn't compete with what you guys had. It really sucked for a while, knowing no matter what I would have done, I wouldn't be good enough. Then I figured that it was okay, because nothing on Heaven and Earth could separate you two. I convinced myself, if it wasn't her, it would have been me. Even when I heard the news, I can't say it didn't cross my mind. I thought that if she could move on, then maybe you could too. But it really just doesn't seem right, you two not together. Almost unnatural. I realize now that I've just been fooling myself. Even if I did love you, I highly doubt it would compare to the love you and her share."

"I'm sorry Rei." She shook her head from side to side once more.

"Don't be sorry." She had tears in her eyes, but didn't notice. "I'm sure I'll find someone some day that will love me just as much as you love her. In fact, I don't think I'll settle for anything less."

"Is there anything I can do? To help with the closure at all?"

"Just tell me I'll never compare to her. Tell me you'll never love anyone else. Tell me why no one else can replace her." Darien looked back up at the moon, as Rei's tears began to fall, as she searched the skies for answers.

"Rei, I can't tell you that. You have your own qualities, and your own strengths. Maybe it's the whole 'opposites attract' thing. I just know I never will love anyone else, and no one can replace her. But it's not because you're not beautiful in your own right, or because you're not as kind. It's because I can't change what's in my heart. 'The heart wants what it wants'."

"It's okay, I understand. I think that's the closure I've always been hoping to hear. Thank you for being so kind."

"Rei, I'm not kind at all. I mean, you're seeing for yourself all the trouble I'm causing her. I don't know why I can't stop myself. Maybe if I'd taken your advice sooner and became her friend while she was dating around, she'd have come back to me by now."

"I don't think there's any problem with what's happening right now. Whatever happens can only make your relationship stronger. I still believe you were right to do what you did. Darien, I know you love her, but she really was treating you unfairly. I think you've just been blinded by your love for her. You're just doing what's right. 'When you love something, you have to learn to let it go. If it comes back, that's how you know' right?"

"I guess. When did you get so smart? I thought Ami had the right to all the brains." He gave her a chuckle, feeling better about everything.

"We all have our moments."

"Hey Rei, how bout I train alone so Serena can come back and train with you guys. I think that cyborg is going to help me more than Serena."

"I'm not so sure, I think Serena holds back sometimes because she doesn't want to hurt us either, and without you there to heal, she may hold back more."

"Hmmmmm, I'm going to have to ask Ami if she can make me one of those too then. I don't want to take her away from you guys. Plus, I'm sure there's a few things she can still learn from you guys, even if you guys really can't land a hit on her. Like basic self defense, instead of just dodging like you guys said."

"Yeah, I can really see that thing pummeling her to the ground without Ami there to supervise."

"Yeah, I better go soon, I don't want to keep you up all night."

"Goodnight Darien."

"Goodnight." He watched her turn her back to him and head to her room. He turned his head back around and continued to look at the sky. "Well, not much left to do now. I'd better head home and deal with the damage I did to my body today." He thought aloud as he headed to his car.

The next day Serena went to school and filled all the girls in on the details during lunch. They were all shocked and 'oooh'ed and 'ahhhh'ed at different moments of her story. "Ami, that's why I need the cyborg. It's not fair to Reagan if I spend time with Darien around, even if it doesn't mean anything. I have to give it my all one way or the other. It's the only way I'll know for sure." The girls couldn't argue with her, they knew she had a point.

"But Serena, Ami will still be able to see you because she tutors you, but what about us?" Lita said, upset she wouldn't get to spend any 'girl time' with one of her best friends.

"It's not like I'll be completely gone guys! We still have lunch! And I'm sure I can throw a girls night in there at least once a month! I'll even invite Rei!" She said with a smile for the group. But that didn't lift their spirits, they already felt a dark cloud covering their little patch of light. "Look, I'm not sure how long this will last, but I just can't afford for him to lose his trust in me right now. This means a lot to me." She said, trying to get the girls to understand.

"Okay, I understand." Mina was the first to speak up, sadness evident in her voice, but also understanding.

"So Ami, let's head over to the training spot I picked out after school and when you're done training, we can talk about the possibilities while we study."

"You mean while I tutor you?" Ami said, clarifying Serena's statement. Serena's head fell while a big drop of sweat appeared above her head.

"Yes Ami, that's what I meant." She said defeated.

After school Serena showed Ami the various spots where she thought she could train in privacy. Ami was surprised at the wise choices Serena made for her training sessions. Then Serena headed to the arcade for a few minutes, so she could catch Reagan on his break for their routine 'meet up' before she went home and started on her homework to kill time until Ami got there.

When Ami got to Rei's temple, she could see Darien there, anxious to speak with her. "Wow Darien, I didn't expect you to be waiting to see me, of all people." She said blushing.

"Why? You've been helping me with my training the most." He said, smiling softly at her. It never ceased to amaze him how self-conscious the girls were about themselves. They really never did give themselves enough credit.

"I don't know, I just didn't I guess."

"Well, I really wanted to ask you if you could build me a cyborg like you did for Serena, so that way Reagan won't have to be jealous that I train with you guys. I could just train on my own." His comment caught her off guard. She had just been talking about the same thing with Serena!

"Well, I suppose I could, and it would be much easier since I have all the specifications and blueprints from hers. Also, since you can heal yourself, I suppose it would make more sense for her to train with us in case something goes wrong huh?" she pondered the idea, and was surprised at how much sense it made. "Okay, sure. Sounds like a great plan, I can probably have it done in a week."

"Sounds great. Until then, what do you think of Rei coming over to my house while you guys train, so she can teach me how to meditate?" he said, already thinking through how the rumors would spread.

"Actually, that sounds like a good idea too. Meditation skills would work great with your abilities." Ami was obviously not thinking of the dangers, just the benefits.

"Perfect, I'll head home now, and you guys can call Serena over to practice. Who knows how out of it she is since she hasn't trained correctly in a while." he said, as he looked over at Rei, waiting to hear her say she was going with him.

"Um, I guess I should start training him on his meditation now then?" Rei asked Ami with a blush on her face.

"Yes, I don't see why not, and that way everyone will get some type of training in. I'm surprised I didn't see it myself." She said, shocked it wasn't herself who thought of it.

"I'll call Serena over now." Mina said, not liking the sound of Rei going over to Darien's at all, and anxious to hear what Serena would think of the whole thing."

All Mina told her on the phone was that Darien was not there, and that she would be able to train with them today. She also told her she would fill her in on details when she got there. Serena was happy to see her friends again, but she noticed right away that Rei didn't scold her for taking so long to get there. "Where's Rei?" She asked, and the girls all looked at her, unsure how to tell her what the new plan was.

To Be Continued...

Special Thanks/Mention: PrettyVchan, xx Twilight Princess xx, loveinthebattlefield, and BeautyoftheTerra.