I'm alive, but I'm losing all my drive

Cause everything we've been through

And everything about you

Seemed to be a lie

A guiltless twisted lie

It made me learn to hate you

Or hate myself for letting it pass by

"Goodbye"

-Secondhand Serenade

Chapter 38:

Geeze, even I feel bad for the leeches

We spent most of the night outside of the Cullen's place. Here we were, being guard dogs again. Only this time, I wasn't so bitter about it. I had come a long way in the last few months.

The night was uneventful. Alice and Jasper never came back. Occasionally, I would look inside the window and see Jacob staring helplessly at Nessie. The vampires seemed to get edgier as the night wore on. Esme held on to Carlisle affectionately. There was a certain sadness in her eyes. Edward looked desolate and inconsolable. Bella looked like she was barely holding it together. Even Emmett was forlorn and quiet. It was weird to hear him not talking. They said more with their quiet silence than with their heartbroken words.

Around three in the morning, Jacob had phased back to talk to Sam himself. He stayed in the comfort of the Cullen's place as he conferred with Sam about what he wanted to do in this situation. Sam told Jacob they would fight, too. And they were running the perimeters through La Push, just to be certain.

Embry and Seth took turns running the perimeters on the Cullen's property, making sure that no other little stray vampires were lurking about. Quil and I stayed at the house, being guard dogs. I lost all track of time as I let my feet collapse beneath me. I let out a huff if air as I watched the sun coming up over the trees.

Jacob was snoring from inside the house. He still didn't want to leave Nessie. I was actually surprised that the vampires were ok with him crashing there as a wolf, but they didn't seem at all uncomfortable with the idea. Then again, they did have other things on their minds.

I tried to tune out Jacob's dreams. There were flashes of horrible things that kept going through his mind. He pictured the Volturi hurting Nessie. Even I cringed at that. Even though she was a genetic mutant, she was still just a kid.

I heard Emmett mumbling inside, "Where is she?" The worry poured out of him. He had to be talking about Alice. I could hear that they were concerned about her well-being. Hell, even I was beginning to worry that something had happened to her. I heard Emmett pacing around the floor. He suddenly stopped and let out a growl. "Son of bitch. If they hurt her, I'm going to rip their god damn skulls out of their worthless little heads." He was speaking, of course, of the Volturi.

"You don't think…" Edward asked Carlisle softly. "Would she have been able to see if they were coming for her?"

"Shit," Emmett grumbled. He slammed his fist against the wall. I saw the house tremble from Emmett's anger. Looks like I wasn't the only one who punched holes in walls.

I'm right there with you, man. I agreed with Emmett's anger.

Jacob leaped to his feet, startled from the rumbling. He let out a loud growl.

What's going on? What is it? He glanced around the house nervously.

They're concerned about the Volturi possibly attacking Alice. I felt a growl escape my lips as I mentioned the Volturi. I'd never even met them and they were already pissing me off.

"Stay with Renesmee!" I saw Bella tear out the front door.

Whoa, that bitch is fast. I watched her disappear into the trees. The rest of her family was behind her. I looked inside and saw Jacob standing protectively in front of Nessie.

What do you want us to do, Jake? Quil questioned.

Leah, you're the fastest. Catch up with them so I can see what's going on, Jacob ordered. Well, technically I wasn't the fastest. Embry was. He'd always followed my lead to make me happy though. And now was not the time to get into the logistics of it. I want everyone else here, just in case…

I'm on it. I was easily able to pick up the Cullen's scent. It didn't take me long to catch up with them. They had followed Alice's scent to the Quileute border, just as we had hours ago. I stayed in the trees as the Cullens slowed their pace.

There was a breeze that brought in Sam's scent. I looked over and was stunned to see him walking towards the Cullens in his human form. My jaw dropped. What the hell was he doing? Paul and Jared were behind him on all fours.

I watched intensely. Every ounce of my being was telling me to jump in front of the vampires to protect them. It felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time.

Just stay put, Leah, Jacob said quietly in my head.

I listened to Jacob and watched the scene play out. Sam explained to the Cullens that Alice and Jasper had come here a little after midnight and asked for permission to cross the line. I glanced at Paul. That's what they had been hiding from me when I was here earlier. But why wouldn't he tell me, even after I specifically asked if they had seen Alice and Jasper? Paul was such an ass.

No argument here, Embry agreed with me.

Sam continued his explanation, "Alice told me it was of the utmost importance that I tell no one she came to me until you came looking."

I saw Esme's face cringe with pain when Sam explained that Alice and Jasper had disappeared across the ocean. Vampire or not, to have your kids run away has to suck.

Sam handed Carlisle a piece of paper. I could see Sam shaking because he was so close to the vampire.

Pussy, I mumbled to myself. Out of all of the vampires, Carlisle was the least intimidating.

"Alice has decided to leave us." Carlisle read the note.

I saw Esme's face get even more pained. It was really sad.

Rosalie managed to stutter out, "What?"

Carlisle silently let his family read the note from Alice. I watched each and every one of their stone faces scrunch up in agony. Wow, I guess emotional pain hurt vampires as much as it hurt humans. I watched as the Cullens let the news sink in. Bella put her hand comfortingly on Esme's arm. Rosalie leaned into Emmett and let out a sigh. I was taken aback. I had never seen Blondie look so-sad. I was used to the angry Rosalie. The sad Rosalie scared me a hell of a lot more than the angry one. Carlisle and Edward seemed to be having a silent conversation with each other. Bella's eyes darted around curiously. They all seemed to be in utter shock.

Dude, that's harsh, Quil sighed.

That doesn't make any sense. Alice wouldn't abandon her family. Seth shook his head in disbelief.

Be quiet, I'm trying to listen to them. I tried to shut the voices in my head up.

Sam seemed to be thinking the same thing that my pack was thinking. He looked at Edward as if he was asking, Really?

"Yes, things are that dangerous," Edward replied to Sam's silent question.

I saw Sam's facial expression change. He looked almost saddened that the vampires were hurting.

"So much so that she would abandon her family?"

Edward was quick to defend his sister. "We don't know what she saw. She has a plan, I'm sure. Alice is anything but a coward."

"We don't run from danger," Sam said proudly.

You just scream like a little girl and hide until it's all over, I mumbled. I recalled an incident when Sam and I had been dating when he came across a spider, and cried for me to kill it.

I saw Edward's face barely twinge up in a slight smile that only I would have recognized. He could hear me. He faced Sam again, this time more aggressive than the last.

"We still have our free will to leave when we wish."

I could see that pissed Sam off. He had to work hard to get control of his temper.

Damn, nice one, leech. Jacob echoed the thought in my head.

Yeah, didja see that? Sam almost lost it. Quil was likewise impressed.

Edward sighed. He regretted losing his temper with Sam. It was understandable. This was a lot to take in. Still, I didn't like sympathizing with the mind-reader. I watched as Edward warned Sam that maybe his pack should stay out of this entire mess.

The hell with that. We need all the help we can get. I might have mixed feelings regarding Sam, but I wasn't going to deny that we were in way over our heads here. It would be beneficial to have his pack on our side when those crazy vampires came to town.

"Like I said, we don't run away," Sam repeated himself. Paul let out something that sounded like a cackle from behind Sam.

Hey mindfreak, punch Paul for me, I suggested.

Again, I saw Edward's lips turn upward near a smile. This mind-reading thing wasn't so bad after all. Maybe Edward could just read the Volturi's mind and we could coordinate an attack that way.

Carlisle stepped in front of Edward and looked at Sam sincerely. "Don't be ridiculous. Don't get your family slaughtered for pride."

Sam faced Carlisle with less hate than he had had for Edward. Carlisle was hard to hate, even if you're a werewolf.

"As your son so graciously pointed out, we don't exactly have a choice in the matter." He sneered at Edward, and then continued, "Renesmee is part of our family now, whether we like it or not. Jacob can not, and will not, abandon her. And we will not abandon him." I saw him glance at the note that Alice had left and roll his eyes.

He was really begging for one of the vampires to punch him. I frowned. There were times that I would have liked to punch him…instead of my walls.

Edward defended Alice again. "You don't know her." Translation: Don't judge us, you jackass.

Sam continued being harsh. "Do you?"

Edward looked like he was about ready to pounce on Sam. Carlisle's hand came down gently on his son's shoulder and he softly told Edward that they needed to trust Alice.

Just the mention of her name sent Esme into near hysterics. It saddened me to watch her break down. Rosalie was the one to comfort her now. Watching this made me consider that maybe I had misjudged the Cullens. They obviously cared a great deal about one another. And seeing Esme this desolate over the loss of Alice and Jasper made me want to run down there and hug her.

I had seen this scene once before. It was after my father died. My mom was trying so hard to be brave for me and Seth. She made it all the way home from the hospital, and was half-way across our front lawn when she finally gave in to her grief. Seth had rushed over to her to pick her up off the ground, while all I could do was stare in shock. After my brain finally kicked on, I was able to go over and help my brother steady my mom. That was probably the worst night of my life. It even beat out Sam leaving me.

Listening to Esme's tearless sobs of pain reminded me of my mother's cries of grief. I watched as Rosalie and Emmett did for Esme what Seth and I had done for my mother that night. I swallowed a knot in my throat.

Tell Edward to give her a hug for me, please. Seth was sharing the same memory with me of our mother, screaming out for my dad through all the weeping. I shivered again at the memory.

I didn't have to tell Edward to do anything, because it only took him half a second to embrace his mother.

Poor Esme, Jacob huffed.

My attention was drawn away from Esme as Sam let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry." And he sounded sincere when he said it. "This is partly our fault." He watched Esme crying. "We shouldn't have let her through."

But Carlisle, being Carlisle, assured him there was nothing he did wrong. He was certain that his daughter had a plan. They really were putting a lot of faith in someone who was no longer around. I hoped they knew what they were doing.

Sam and his pack turned to leave, and the Cullens did the same. But when they got to the trees, they paused. No one seemed to know what to say.

Emmett was the first to speak, determined as always.

"I'm sure as hell not going down without a fight," he grumbled. "Let's just do what Alice wants us to do. I trust her. Let's get to work."

Emmett certainly knew how to rile his family up. For a moment, I saw everyone perk up, certain that maybe, just maybe, they would get out of this. But that didn't last long once they realized that for Alice to flee, the future she saw couldn't have been good.

Alright Leah, I've seen enough. You can come back, Jacob sighed. He phased back. Nessie must have been awake.

I took one last look at Sam from across the clearing before I took off towards the Cullen's place again. I saw Bella and Edward break away from the rest of them. So, they were all running away now?

I kept my critical thoughts to myself and tried to remember Esme's pained face so I wouldn't say something stupid and make her cry again.

It didn't take us long to get back. Quil, Embry, and Seth met us with sad eyes. Seth lowered his head and walked towards Esme with a whimper. The look he conveyed was the universal "I'm sorry" glare.

"Thank you, Seth," she said breathlessly.

"Come on, dear. We have a lot to get done." Carlisle took Esme and led her into the house. Emmett and Rosalie followed. I peered through the window and watched them dash around the house. They apparently had a plan. Jacob sat in the corner with Nessie, cradling her. Both of them watched the Cullens in curiosity.

I saw a globe appear on the coffee table and Carlisle started to pinpoint locations on it while everyone else watched understandingly.

Great. I failed Geography, Embry frowned.

I don't think we're the ones who need to know it. I could see Carlisle's plan coming into action. It sounded like they were going to round up every last vampire friend they had. Normally, that would have made me incredibly irritable. But with the Volturi on their way, we were going to have to take what we could get. If that meant we had to fight side by side with a dozen different vampires, then so be it.

Carlisle disappeared for a moment while his family spoke softly about where they would be traveling to. I could hear Carlisle on the phone, but he was talking so fast, I couldn't understand him.

Bella and Edward came flying through the door a few seconds after Carlisle reappeared in the living room. Bella looked incredibly confused, which was pretty much normal for her.

Edward frowned, "You're leaving now?" He paused and read his father's thoughts. "And we're staying here with Renesmee?" He looked a little surprised by Carlisle's plan. He looked irritated.

"You have the best chance at reading how people are going to react to Nessie," Carlisle explained to Edward. "Alice was right. In order for people to see that she is not an immortal child, they really have to see her." He paused. "Tanya's family is on the way."

Great, another family of vampires. I had heard Carlisle talking about his friends in Denali. Irina had belonged with them before she ran off and became a tattle-tale to the Volturi. Wah, wah. My boyfriend got eaten by wolves. Stupid whiny vampire. And the Cullens considered her a friend?

And now apparently the rest of her family was coming here. Fantastic. It took me years to warm up to the Cullens, and even that relationship was still luke-warm. Now I had to deal with more bloodsuckers? I grumbled. I knew this was coming, but it still angered me.

Edward still seemed weary. "There's a lot of ground to cover."

"Not to worry, my brother." Emmett smacked Edward on the back. "We're splitting up. Rose and I are going hunting for Nomads."

Edward still didn't look convinced of this plan.

Rosalie chimed in, "As soon as they meet Nessie, I'm sure they'll stay to witness for us."

Carlisle explained that Edward's job would be to persuade the vampires that they sent to see for themselves about Nessie, and then see if they would stay to witness for them once the Volturi showed up.

"Everything will be fine, son." Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder like I had seen him do in the clearing earlier. He took his hand off of Edward's shoulder and leaned in and kissed Bella on the forehead. Esme went for a big hug from the both of them. I even saw Rosalie smile at Bella. She glanced over to where Jacob and Nessie were sitting. Nessie looked at her curiously, and Rosalie blew her a kiss.

Jacob rolled his eyes at the gesture. Rosalie made sure that Nessie wasn't paying attention as she gave her own little gesture to Jacob. It involved a certain finger.

Does she always have to be so rotten? Embry frowned.

Jacob didn't seem like he cared. He just shrugged at Rosalie nonchalantly.

"Don't worry, man. This will all blow over. And soon, Alice will be kicking your ass at chess again." Emmett punched Edward in the shoulder. He faced Bella and to my surprise, punched her, too. "And you, little sister, just try and stay out of trouble, will ya?"

"Well, without you around, that should be pretty easy to manage." Bella inferred that Emmett was the troublemaker of the group.

I couldn't help it as I lost it to my laughter. I think this is the first time that Bella had made me laugh intentionally.

Esme and Carlisle were the first ones out the door. They both nodded politely at us.

"Thank you all again for your loyalty." Esme looked at each one of us.

Take care. Seth glanced into Carlisle's eyes. My brother was very good at conveying his emotions through his eyes. Carlisle nodded understandingly.

"You be careful, too," Carlisle suggested.

Emmett and Rosalie appeared behind Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie didn't even bother saying goodbye to us as she raced off into the woods.

Some wife you got there. Quil rolled his eyes. If she were mine, I would kill her, stuff her, and mount her. She'd probably be more good than she is now.

It's a good thing Emmett couldn't understand what Quil was saying, because I don't think he'd take too kindly to a werewolf talking about his wife like that. Although, he had let me get away with quite a lot of insults about her.

"Seth my man, keep it real, dawg." Emmett pat Seth's shoulder roughly.

He only says the "dawg" part to annoy me, Seth frowned. Then he bumped his head into Emmett affectionately. It was a little odd for me to see my brother showing love to a vampire.

Emmett kept an eye on Rosalie as he faced Seth, Quil, and I.

"Take care of my idiot brother, would you?" He winked.

"I can hear you, Emmett!" Edward exclaimed from inside the house.

"You can always hear me." Emmett rolled his eyes.

"That's because you never shut up." Edward appeared in the doorway.

"Oh, how I'm going to miss these little things that get you all up in a tizzy." Emmett chuckled.

"Let's get moving, Emmett!" Rosalie called from the trees.

Boy, she wears the pants in their marriage, doesn't she? I laughed.

Edward laughed as well. "Indeed she does." He answered me out loud. Emmett looked suspicious, and incredibly confused, so Edward explained it to him, "Oh, Leah thinks you're whipped." He paused. "And just for the record, so do I."

"I'm not the one who let my wife boss me around the entire time she was pregnant." Emmett joked back. Ouch. Good one. I was starting to understand the male psyche better. Apparently, the way they showed love for one another was to constantly antagonize the hell out of each other.

"Emmett! Now!" Rosalie was getting impatient.

Emmett faced me and waved. "See ya, Lassie." He chuckled.

Later, Flea. I couldn't help but laugh.

"She called you a flea again." Edward smirked as he disappeared into the house again.

I watched the Cullens disappear together into the woods. And for the first time ever, I was actually concerned about their safety.