'Lucas are you okay sweetie?' Anna is looking at him and he blinks.
Blinks once, twice, three times.
He thinks he's forgotten to breathe.
He manages a quick nod and inhales sharply. He doesn't have a clue how much time has passed but she's not moving now. She's just laying there, her head on a cushion and Larry's hand soothing over her brow and for all Lucas knows she's dead and no one seems to be panicking.
Accept him.
He's sitting on his legs awkwardly and he's got pins and needles but he can't move, he can't take his eyes off of her.
Her dress is twisted and bunched up round her waist and he watches Anna gently tug it down to conceal her underwear.
'Ambulance' He mutters suddenly, the words hoarse from his dry mouth. 'We need to-'
'She's okay honey' Anna's kind eyes are back on him. She moves toward him and he wants to put his hands in the air to keep her away because she should be beside Peyton right now. She should be beside her daughter, not trying to console him. 'She'll come round, she's okay. I know it's tough to watch'
He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand one little bit.
'I gots her a drink!'
His eyes jolt away from the motionless blonde for the first time, shocked to see Jamie hurry toward them followed closely by Brooke and he thinks the six year old shouldn't be in here right now. He thinks the six year old is bound to be upset right now and he thinks he should be acting like his guardian by removing him from the situation but he can't. He can't step up to that role right now because he's in shock.
'Thanks buddy. Good job' Larry takes the glass from him and sets it down on the floor and then Jamie is kneeling beside Peyton, his little head laying next to hers.
'What's wrong with her?' Lucas abruptly asks. He's aware he sounds angry. He is angry. He's angry because he's come to the conclusion that they all know something he doesn't, including Jamie.
'She didn't tell you?' Anna's soft voice sounds next to him, her hand on his shoulder. 'She didn't tell you she has epilepsy?'
Lucas doesn't respond. He doesn't really know what that means.
Epilepsy. Epilepsy. Epilepsy.
'Honey I'm so sorry, I just assumed you knew, otherwise I would've explained what was going on' The doting mother sympathises. 'She's okay'
He squints down at the girl in question; Peyton's eyes are flittering and then they're half open but Lucas isn't convinced that she's seeing despite Jamie's sudden smiling and chattering at her as though she's just awoken from sleep like Snow White.
'Here, come sit with her and see for yourself' Anna insists.
He doesn't want to. He needs air. He wants to call an ambulance. He has questions and he wants answers and he wants them now.
But his brain and mouth can't seem to function together. Under Anna's pleading he slowly creeps forward to where she's laying on the floor, so fragile, so delicate, so vulnerable.
He feels sick but he stays put because there's a flicker of something in her dim green eyes, a flicker of understanding.
Jamie sees it too and is tugging at her hand and in his excitement his face is directly over hers.
'Don't do that kido' Lucas murmurs as the birthday boy grows more impatient with her lack of verbal response.
He doesn't seem to hear Lucas' weak instruction though.
'Jamie honey, why don't you come with me?' Anna pries his little hand away from her daughter and lifts him up to standing in one swift movement.
'But-'
'How would you like to stay with us tonight as a special birthday treat?'
'Really? I can?'
'Of course, it's you're birthday after all, come on, we'll go and find your jammy's upstairs and then when we get back Peyton will be feeling a lot better'
Lucas is relieved when Anna takes the little boy out of the room, relieved that she's taking over his role as carer because right now he can't physically function on anything other than Peyton.
Larry is still sitting behind his daughter and Brooke has knelt down on the opposite side and he feels like this is a dream. That this isn't happening.
Can't be, because she's perfect and things like this shouldn't happen to her. It's not fair.
'Are you sure she's okay? Are you sure we shouldn't call an ambulance?' He's getting anxious, like Jamie he's growing impatient to hear her speak, to know she's okay, he thinks only then will he be satisfied that she's going to be alright.
'She'll be a little better in a few minutes son' Larry reassures him. 'She's usually a bit confused and tired after'
They sit in silence.
Lucas' mind races. He wonders how often this happens. He wonders why she never told him. He wonders why, why, why her.
Her eyes seem to gain more focus and while his brain is in turmoil she breaks through the silence, muttering something unintelligible and Lucas suddenly feels the knot in his stomach loosen.
'You're okay darling. It's over' Larry lifts her slightly so she's slouched against his chest and his hand finds hers, his thumb drawing soothing circles over her palm.
Lucas wants that hand in his.
He wants so very badly to reach out and touch her.
But he doesn't.
They wait. Wait. Wait.
She's dazed and confused and even though her eyes are fully open now, she seems to be in a trance.
'Here, why don't you have a drink sweetie' Brooke's voice breaks through Lucas' transfixed stare and he watches as the brunette holds the glass of water up to the blonde's lips and after a few strained sips she exhales heavily, her droopy head resting back against her attentive father.
'Was...it bad?' She asks gruffly. Her eyes are closed again and Lucas is on the brink of demanding she open them because it's making him on edge.
'No. Not too long' Is Larry's answer and Lucas almost snorts because it wasn't not too long, not for him, it was the longest moments of his life. 'Do you want anything else sweetheart?'
She licks her lips. 'I'm kay' She blinks her eyes open again and then she's looking directly at Lucas and grimacing away.
He doesn't know if to be upset, mad or disappointed by her reaction to his presence but it stings whichever way he looks at it.
'She's exhausted' The older man's voice drones through him. 'Why don't you take her upstairs to lay down Lucas-'
'I can walk Dad' She abruptly tries to push herself upright and Lucas doesn't care, he doesn't care if she doesn't want him here, he's helping her whether she condones it or not.
'I'm fine!' She protests weakly when his hands slip beneath her slight form, effortlessly lifting her off the hard floor.
'Darling just humour us please' Larry's plea seems to work in stopping her attempting to fight him; her head drops onto his shoulder in defeat and her eyelashes flutter closed once more and Lucas thinks she must be really exhausted if she's done arguing on the matter just like that. And he's thankful. Because he suddenly feels like she's safe, safe within his arms. 'We'll take Jamie- just get her into bed and she'll be fine in the morning' The doting father addresses him with an appreciative smile and he nods dumbly and he thinks he must still look pretty petrified because Larry assures him one last time that 'She's alright' He hopes he's right.
He wakes up before her the following morning.
In fact he's found it hard to get much shut eye at all. He couldn't stop staring at her throughout the night, couldn't stop himself from reaching out and checking her pulse was still steadily beating.
He's never felt this anxiety before. He's not had many people in his life that he's cared about loosing but he realises now that he can't loose her. Not now. Not ever.
She's sitting on the edge of the bed when he comes to check on her.
The curtains are open and the sun is flickering on her like a golden halo and she's wearing one of his t-shirts that's oversized on her smaller frame and the sight of her leaves him breathless.
He's been downstairs for the most part of the morning. He's been tidying up the mess from the previous day. He's been trying to do all the little things that he knows she will if he hasn't.
'Hey' She smiles when she notices him.
'How're you?' He hovers in the doorway.
'Good. I slept so well. You should've woke me though, it's late' Her eyes look past him 'Where's Jamie?'
'He stayed at your Mum and Dad's last night'
She rolls her eyes. She's use to her parent's fussing but she thinks it's unnecessary. 'There was no need for that- it was his birthday' She feels guilty because she wanted Jamie to have the best of birthday's but she feels like she ruined the happy occasion.
Lucas can read her thoughts and shakes his head. 'I think your parents thought you needed a good nights sleep and Jamie thought it was a pretty great birthday treat anyway'
Her mind is put slightly at ease because if Jamie was happy she can get over it.
'How're you feeling?'
She notes how he's keeping to the other side of the room and he's standing weirdly and she sighs because he's doing what so many people do; he's looking at her like she's got an extra arm or something and she hates it.
'I'm fine Luke' She stretches her hands up above her head and arches her back; she's stiff and achey but she doesn't tell him that.
'Are you?' He contends.
'Yes. It was just a seizure' She confronts the subject that she knows he wants to.
Seizure. Seizure. Seizure.
He keeps seeing her fitting on the floor before him. He can't get that image out of his mind and it terrifies him because there was nothing he could do to stop it.
'I can't believe you didn't tell me about this' He blurts suddenly, his face contorted in frustration. 'What would've happened if no one else had been here Peyton? I wouldn't of known what the fuck was going on. You could've died-'
'I didn't die did I? You would've rung the hospital unnecessarily but that's all that would've been different'
'That's all?' He stalks into the room. 'I'll tell you what would've been different. Had I known I wouldn't have freaked out as much, I could've helped you, I-'
She stands and her hands cup his face and all words cease.
'I'm sorry' She apologises. 'I'm sorry, it just, it's never come up. It's not something I talk about'
'Clearly'
'Luke, I'm fine. I'm not dying or anything, I don't have it severely I just, I get this from time to time and it's really not so bad' She exhales. 'So stop looking at me like I'm going to keel over at any given second' She smiles softly.
He doesn't. She's acting so blase and this isn't something he wants her to be so nonchalant over.
His hand runs over the bruises on her arms that weren't there before and she coaxes his wary eyes to her face. 'That happens sometimes, but I'm not physically scarred for life. I'm fine' She leans forward to kiss him but he withdraws after a split second because he doesn't want to be distracted. He wants to finish this conversation because right now he feels like he's been kept in the dark and he knows he's not exactly been one hundred percent honest with her about him and his life so far but this is different. This involves her health.
'So this is why you got all antsy when me and Brooke were talking last night? You didn't want me to know? You thought she'd told me' He asks, his annoyance shines through as he swivels round, turning his back to her.
She shakes her head vigorously because she's surprised he's bought that up. 'No, of course not. I wasn't antsy'
'Yes. Yes you were' He argues.
She exhales heavily.
'I just...Brooke gossips and...' She trails off. She turns her attention to the and shakes the covers back into place. 'You know these sheets could do with changing'
'Don't change the subject' He's behind her now. He doesn't like the space he's made between them and has a sudden need to have her in his arms.
This territory is out of bounds. Sure they've argued. They've argued a lot. Generally about the six year old that's at the centre of their lives.
But this is different.
They're both so uncertain as to where they stand with each other.
They've both tried to see their relationship as just a bit of fun but their not so stupid as to think it's as simple as that. Not any more.
His feelings about this matter demonstrate that. His hands slide round her small waist, pulling her back against his chest. 'What other secrets are you hiding?' He wonders in her ear. 'Because if they're as big as this one I think I should know. Right now'
'Luke' She leans her head back against his chest and looks up at him.
Her insides are melting because his words are fiery and all because he cares. Cares about her. This doesn't involve Jamie. This is all about her and he cares.
'I'm serious Peyton'
'There's nothing okay. I wasn't keeping this from you, I just hadn't told you yet' She turns in his strong arms, linking her hands around his neck. 'But you know now. Okay? You know' She brushes her nose against his hoping that he'll quit it because they're alone and she wants to make the most of it because they so rarely have this; Sunday's to themselves.
She tilts her head to the side and her tongue teasingly flits over his lips.
She's never had to do this. She's never had to persuade him or try and seduce him.
But right now the last thing on his mind is sex.
But it quickly is because he's a man and he can't ignore the way she smells or her hand that's under his t-shirt, skimming back and forth over his abdomen.
His fingers are quick to fist into her hair, yanking her face closer so he can devour her mouth.
Because despite his many questions, this is easier.
While she's thankful for the stop in conversation she can't not note the shift in the way he's kissing her. Kissing her like he's not seen her in years, like this is their last few moments on earth. It's desperate and frantic and her mind is spinning from lack of oxygen.
'Is it okay for us to do this?' He pants suddenly, his gruff words ghosting across her swollen lips. Her digits are purposefully unbuckling his belt and he knows where this is headed and he doesn't want to harm her in anyway.
She rolls her eyes and laughs. 'For the hundredth time I'm fine'
He doesn't laugh though. His hands stop hers from pulling the zipper on his jeans down.
'I'm sorry this isn't a big deal for you but I've just found out that you have this, this thing and I don't exactly understand what that means and it may not be scary to you but it is to me okay?' He snaps.
She sighs and takes a little step back in resignation.
She doesn't want to talk about this but she doesn't want him to be scared.
'Sit down' She pushes on his shoulders when he doesn't and he sinks onto the edge of the mattress submissively. 'I didn't tell you because I hate it okay? I like to pretend I don't have this thing. That I'm normal. It's embarrassing; there are these moments that I completely loose, that I have no recollection of and while it's happening I have no control of my body. And it's not pretty, I've been out in public before and come to laying on the pavement with a load of strangers surrounding me with wet pants because I've wet myself- do you know how mortifying that is?' She takes a breath and turns away but he pulls her back in front of him and tugs her down onto his lap in one swift movement. 'It's not exactly the kind of thing you want the guy you're sleeping with to see' She mutters.
'Do you really think I'd stop wanting you because of this?'
She avoids his intense stare, instead fiddling with her fingers.
'There's not a single fucking thing that could make you undesirable to me, least of all this. I just want to understand what epilepsy is, so I can help you if it happens? So I'm not useless again' He strokes her cheek affectionately.
'What do you need to know?' Her hands move to fiddle with his t-shirt and she looks up into his concerned face.
'Everything'
She bites her lip. 'Okay' She nods defeatedly. '...well it...it started when I was nearly eighteen. It's a neurological condition and there's no definite trigger but my Doctor seems to think it tends to happen if I'm lacking in sleep or I'm stressed or have had alcohol-'
'You do drink though' He cuts in sharply.
'Rarely and I don't ever over do it' His disapproving look makes her frown because it reminds her of her parents. 'Luke I have the odd glass of wine, I don't go out getting paralytic. It's just my medication I'm not really meant to mix with alcohol-'
'You're on medication?' He has so many questions that he can't help but keep butting into her words.
'Yeah. I take three tablets a day that helps to control it-'
'Well, why did it happen last night then, if-'
'I don't know- I've not had one in a while. As I said it could be down to stress and lack of sleep, because I've not been getting as much lately' She quirks her eyebrow but he doesn't laugh.
'It's not funny' She sucks her lip into her mouth because sure he's being annoying but he's also being pretty adorable and she's not seen him like this. She's not seen him nervous and jittery and anxious and it's all over her. 'This is my fault- I did this-'
'No' She shushes. 'You didn't. Look I'll go see my Doctor tomorrow and he'll run some tests and look at my meds and see if anything needs to be adjusted.' She kisses him with finality. 'Can we stop talking about this now because it's a real turn off and I just want to...' She brings her legs up around him and shifts closer.
'Are-'
'If you ask me one more time if I'm sure I'm okay I'm going to scream. Can you just pretend you don't care'
'Well I do care-'
'Why don't you show me then?'
She thinks he's going to say no because he looks at her long and hard and she's about ready to resign to the fact that contrary to what he says, he doesn't want her this way after last night, that he needs time to register everything.
But then he's shifting her from his lap.
She squeals as her back hits the mattress.
He's quickly hovering over her and her long legs spread to cradle him.
He opens and closes his mouth. He has an overwhelming need to tell her that he's so relieved she's alright. That he didn't loose her.
He has an overwhelming need to tell her many things.
But he doesn't.
Because he doesn't do that. He doesn't talk about feelings and stuff.
He doesn't know how.
She strokes his cheek and smiles up at him. 'Are you okay Luke?'
He nods.
'Are you sure cause...yesterday...with Karen...I...'
His finger covers her lips, silencing her.
Since her fit, Karen has been the last thing on his mind and he's not so keen to talk about her right now.
'I thought you were bored with talking?' He kinks his brow playfully and delights in the way her cheeks blush and then he's kissing her.
Kissing her mouth. Kissing her nose. Kissing her neck.
She loves this. She loves what he does to her. She loves being with him this way.
She arches her back and closes her eyes.
'You're so...so good at this' She mutters softly and he smirks because she's never been the most vocal in the bedroom, well not from his experience anyway but she's recently started saying little things like that and he knows she's not aware of the words that tumble from her mouth but he lives for them.
His hands have her t-shirt hoisted up high and his nose brushes against the waistband of her panties. 'God I want to taste you' He exhales quietly, kissing the fabric concealing her.
He looks up at her and she's looking right back and their eyes stay joined as he drags the black cotton down her legs.
His iris' are almost black once he's rid of her underwear and she anticipates him crawling up her slight form. She collapses back against the pillow and feels a tingling in the pit of belly as she waits for his body weight to rest against her. It never comes though. He doesn't crawl back up her as she expects. His hands stroke up and down her thighs and then one slides round the back of her calf, lifting it to rest on his shoulder.
'What're you doing?'
She's leaning on her forearms now and pulling her positioned leg down and safely back onto the bedsheets.
'What does it look like?' This isn't the first time he's attempted this but she's always managed to distract him before he's succeeded but he's never really noted it before now and he's starting to think she may have an aversion to it altogether.
She avoids his eyes and shuffles back in the bed. 'I don't want you to do that'
His brow furrows.
'Why not? You always distract me when I try-'
'I just don't like it'
'You don't like it?' He's sat back on his legs and his hands are resting on her knees. 'You've not experienced me though, I promise you, you will'
He holds her hands to the bed and smiles coyly. 'Just relax' He hums.
She tries.
She really tries.
She tensely slouches back against the pillows, her stare fixated on him.
His tongue swirls round her navel and then lower and lower and lower.
She pushes herself back into the mattress and her eyes clam shut and he's barely touched her when she's announcing 'I don't like it'
He's barely registered her words when her hands are abruptly tugging free from his hold to push his head away and then she's scrambling away and before he knows it she's half way across the room.
'Peyton okay, I'm sorry' He's on his feet. 'Where're you going? Don't go' He grabs her arm. 'Hey, I'm sorry'
'Let me go'
'Peyton'
'Let me go' She growls.
But he doesn't. He's never been very good at being told what to do. Foster parents. Social workers. Teachers. None of them ever gave him enough time for him to trust and respect them so he expected to be let down. To be walked out on. To be given up. When he was upset he let it show with his fists. It hadn't been a good day when he'd punched Mr Smith in Maths. The teacher had not understood though. It wasn't his fault he was late. It wasn't his fault his foster father at the time had just hit Emily. She was only twelve and she'd only been with them for a couple of weeks but Lucas was protective even so. He wasn't about to sit back and watch while she took the brunt of their foster parent's anger. He'd given up on school after that day. No one wanted to listen to any explanations. No one ever listened.
But Peyton was going to whether she liked it or not because she was different. She was different to all the people he'd had in his life. She'd stuck around. She'd trusted him and she'd believed in him.
'Let me go' She tries to break away.
'No' He snaps, using all his force and pushing her until her back is suddenly against the wall and as quick as his fingers had restrained her there, they're down her arms holding her hands gently. 'You can't just storm out without telling me why. I said I was sorry. Did I hurt you?'
Her cheeks are red and her eyes are glistening.
'Why're you crying?'
'I'm not' She mumbles.
His hand soothes over her cheek. 'Yes you are'
'I just don't like that'
'And I said I was sorry. And I won't try it ever again. Not unless you say so. I just wanted to make you feel good'
She looks up at him meekly.
'I'm sorry' He says again.
She blinks, shakes her head and lets out a breath. '...I'm sorry... I'm weird'
'You're not weird' He doesn't think she's weird. He thinks she's not telling him something because he's never seen her like this; so lacking in confidence. He thinks that the last jerk that went down on her must have clearly not known what he was doing because this has got her all riled and she's tense and he knows that if she'd just relax a little he could show her what she's missing out on. But he means what he says. He won't try it again. Not unless she asks because he's upset her and he's made her feel stupid and that was never his intention. 'Will you come back to bed?'
She looks uncertain.
'Please?' He pleads, stepping back and pulling her with him.
She lets him and then they're laying on the bed and he pulls her back against his chest, spooning her slight body, his hand on her smooth stomach. And it stays right there. He doesn't try anything now. Despite his painful arousal. He won't try anything because the moment has passed and he's content just to lay here and be with her. And he doesn't know when he became that guy. The guy that wants more than her body. The guy that wants to know her every thought.
'I was thinking'
She stiffens. Thinking is never good.
'Now that, you know, everyone seems to know about us' He hums into her hair.
'Mm' She apprehensively murmurs. She's waiting for him to break this off. She's waiting for him to end this because she knows she's hard work.
'Well, do you think we should tell Jamie?'
Her head cranes to look at him. For a second she thinks she's imagined it.
'Jamie?'
'Yeah'
She's embarrassed and mortified about what's taken place in the last half hour and she suddenly wants to cry again because it's the last thing she expects him to say. Especially after the scene she's caused. If anything she'd expected him to run in the other direction but what he's suggesting is the opposite completely. Because telling Jamie is a big deal. It's a huge deal and one she doesn't take too lightly.
'I mean I get it if you don't want to-'
'No, I, I do. I, I think we should' She smiles into the pillow but he can't see. 'I mean. He's not stupid he's going to notice sooner or later anyway'
'Yeah exactly' Lucas agrees. His hand moves to her hip and he rolls her onto her back. 'So we'll tell him later?' She bites her lip and nods and he smiles and she melts and her eyes burn and she kisses him and she thinks perhaps it's official that this isn't just a bit of fun anymore. This is much, much more.
'Kido how, how would you feel if me and Peyton were together?'
Jamie looks up at him quizzically.
They're in the living room and he's playing with all his new birthday presents. 'You are together silly. Peyton's standing right there!' He points his finger at her.
Peyton smiles tightly and crouches down to his level. 'That's not quite what Luke meant JimmyJam' She takes his little hand. 'What he was trying to say is, how would you feel if me and Luke were boyfriend and girlfriend?'
'Aren't you boyfriend and girlfriend already?' He hops away from her, landing a metre away on his knees and picks up a lego creation. 'Do you like my space ship? I made it all by myself!'
'Er' Peyton blinks at Lucas. He shrugs, as far as he can tell this is dealt with, the kid understands. However Peyton's wiser. She moves forward to take the item being held out to her. 'Wow, very cool'
'It goes super fast and this bit here' He prods a red brick. 'That's the laser button' He wriggles his eyebrows and karate chops his arms through the air, trying to imitate said lasers.
'It's the best spaceship I've ever seen. You're so clever Jamie' Peyton praises.
'Do you wanna play?'
'Sure' Peyton sits beside him.
'We can build a wall here and have the bad guys on this side and the good guys on this side' He instructs. 'And then have a battle'
Peyton's making a start on their wall when she diverts his conversation away from spaceships and goodies and baddies. 'Hey Jamie what do you think girlfriend and boyfriend means?'
He's lining his army figures up and his eyes stay focused on what his hands are preoccupied with. 'Michael and Joshua and Liam and David and Brandon and Oliver are my boyfriends cause they're my friends and they're boys and Maddie and Lara and Katie and Olivia and Gracie and Michelle and Alissa are my girlfriends cause...' He takes a much in need breath and licks his lips. 'Cause they are my friends and they are girls'
Peyton looks at Lucas pointedly and he rolls his eyes at her know it all stare.
'That's right' Peyton nods. 'But there's also a different kind of boyfriend and girlfriend'
Jamie finishes positioning the army men against a combination of figures including buzz lightyear, batman and Luke skywalker.
'Do you know what I mean?'
His little eyes briefly leave his game to look up at her and then he's reaching for his spaceship. 'Mummy says that Auntie Taylor is a slut and I didn't knows what that means but she told me that it's when you gots lotsa boyfriends and she kisses them all and that's not good cause you're only meant ta have one that you kiss' He rambles.
Lucas snickers silently in his seat but Peyton does well to stay composed.
'Right' She swallows. 'So what do you call people that kiss?'
'Mummies and Daddies' Jamie smiles cheekily up at her. 'And Aladin and Jasmine and Han Solo and Princess Leia!'
Peyton smiles. 'That's right'
'Cause they love each other'
'Right'
'My Mummy and Daddy kiss' Jamie states.
'Yes, because they loved each other very much' Peyton says soothingly, making sure to subtly include the past tense within her sentence. She's wary that Jamie still speaks about them in the present tense but his psychiatrist assures them it's something that will go with time.
'Yes' His attention is fully focused on her now. 'And they love me'
'More than anything'
'I'm Mumma's love bug cause I give such good huggles'
Peyton smiles.
'Can I have a love bug huggle'
Jamie springs to his feet and leaps into her lap, his little limbs curling round her slight form.
'Wow, you are good at hugging!' Peyton laughs. 'Me and Lucas love you lots too, you know that right?'
He nods once.
'Sweetie, how do you feel about me and Lucas being boyfriend and girlfriend?'
'The kind that kiss?' He clarifies and she knows this time he's getting the gist of what she's been trying to get at.
'Yes' She smiles. 'The kind that kiss'
'Do you love Lucas?'
She swallows, her eyes briefly averting to the man in question. '...Yes'
'Then you're allowed to kiss' He tells her knowledgeably, his eyes focusing back on the Woody figure in his hands. He bends the cowboys arms up and down. 'Am I going to have to live with someone else now?'
'Oh no' Peyton shakes her head reverently. 'Of course not baby. Luke is your guardian so you stay with him, for always'
'And you too?'
'And me, if you're okay with that'
He grins. 'You're going to live here too now? People who loves each other lives together and sleep in the same bed'
'Erm right, well not quite. I've still got my house haven't I? But I'm going to stay here sometimes too. Is that okay?'
Jamie looks up at her curiously and then nods his consent. 'Can we play now?' He asks somewhat tiresomely.
Peyton smiles. 'Yes, sorry, we can play now'
She thinks that couldn't have really gone any better, but her cheeks are hot and her head hurts and she's not relieved at all.
Because his one innocent little question is making her dizzy. Do you love Lucas.
'Well that didn't go too badly hey?' Lucas pinches her behind as she stirs the pasta on the stove. She gives him a look that says don't do that and he smirks. 'What? I can now'
'We didn't tell Jamie just so you can touch me up whenever you feel like it'
'We didn't?'
She rolls her eyes and bites her lip.
He's cutting up the salad and she hasn't even asked he's just doing it of his own accord and she loves that. She hesitantly looks over at him. 'You know I, I wouldn't have agreed to tell him if I wasn't sure'
'Sure?' The sharp knife slices through the ball of lettuce slowly and lacking precision and his brow is furrowed in concentration.
'Yeah' She knows she's not making any sense. She knows Lucas needs things spelt out clearly but she's not good at being clear. 'The thing is Luke, when I, when I told Jamie earlier that I love you-'
'Oh don't worry about that' He wavers his hand nonchalantly. 'I know you were just trying to placate him'
Her mouth opens but she doesn't have an answer and his eyes soon avert to her.
'What?'
She shakes her head. 'Nothing'
But he knows that's not the truth and he makes his own conclusions over her creased brow.
'Peyton, he's a kid. I know I'm not an expert in this field or anything but isn't lying okay- when it's for their benefit anyway? I mean you tell kids that carrots make you see in the dark and that there're fucking fairies and that there's a santa claus and-'
'I think I love you' She blurts and just as quickly as it's out, her back is hunched and her head is in her hands. 'Oh god I just said that out loud didn't I?'
He hears her stifled words but he just stares at the top of her head. He doesn't know what else do. He seems to have lost the ability to string a sentence together.
He's paralysed.
No one. Not a single person has ever said that to him before.
Not one.
'I'm sorry' Her head is still in her hands and her voice is muffled. 'I know we're just I don't know taking things slow but I, I've never felt this before and I, I don't know how to handle it and I' She sucks in a breath and she's suddenly standing up straight again, looking at him with wide, embarrassed eyes. 'I'll get it in check and this won't be an issue we...I don't know...just forget I said it...' She shakes her head and trails off and then she's moving round the kitchen and getting plates and cutlery out and acting as though everything is normal but nothing is normal and Lucas just stands there and then he returns his attention to his salad and pretends along with her.
He tries to do as she just said. He tries to forget only he can't seem to think about anything else.
'I'll go and check on Jamie' She announces when she's set the table.
'Peyton?'
She pauses in her escape, looking at him over her shoulder, eyes filled with hope.
'I...I...' He opens and closes his mouth because he knows he needs to address the words she's just said. He knows she needs him to acknowledge them but yet he can't. '...I'll finish up in here then'.