I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered

And I can't explain what happened

And I can't erase the things that I've done

No I can't

How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes

Got no where to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just want to scream

How could this happen to me?

-"Untitled," Simple Plan

Chapter 44:

Think Leah, think!

I phased back and went back to La Push. But I didn't go to Sam. There was no way I was going to do that, not even if Jacob commanded us to do it.

Embry had offered to take me out to try and forget about what Jacob was doing. But I was in too bad of a mood to do anything but go home and lock myself in my room. I took a rain check and thanked Embry for standing up for me when no one else would. He was certainly shaping up to be the best boyfriend I'd ever had. Not too over-protective, but not a total wimp either.

When I walked through the front door, I saw that my mother was reading a magazine in the chair in the living room.

"Where's Charlie?" I questioned. I hadn't been gone for very long. I'm sure that Charlie hadn't gone home just yet.

"He's driving Billy home." My mom looked up from reading whatever garbage that was in those smut magazines this week. I glanced at the cover and snorted. Looks like Britney Spears was back in the tabloids again. I wonder what she'd done this time. I felt kind of bad for her. She was going to be a Hollywood tabloid until she was like ninety. I could see the headline now, Former Pop Star throws her dentures at Photographer.

I didn't say anything else as I plopped down on the sofa.

After a minute, my mom got up from the chair and sat down next to me.

"Leah, I want to know what's going on…"

And I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to scream out, "Mommy, Sam and Jacob were mean to me. Call their parents," but I couldn't.

"How did your talk with Sam go?" she questioned.

Oh, she meant everything with Sam. Well, I was pleased that's what she was focused on instead of what Seth and I were truly hiding from her.

"I called him a dickhead and punched him." This is something that I didn't have to lie to her about. In fact, there had been several times when I had unsuccessfully talked to Sam. And though I had never punched him before, I had always called him a dickhead. "So, yeah…didn't go well…"

My mother didn't seem surprised.

"At least tell me Emily wasn't around to hear you screaming at one another."

"She wasn't home." I shrugged. I frowned. "I kind of wished she had been." If Emily had been at the house, I'm sure that the conversation we'd had would have been a lot different. "But, you know…whatever. Sam and I got some stuff out of the way."

The conversation hadn't been a total loss. Now that I had had time to compose myself and think about all that was said, I think that we both got a lot off of our chests. I think I was beginning to calm down. Either that, or I had moved on from being upset at Sam to being very pissy with Jacob.

"That's good, dear." My mom nodded. "You didn't break any of his bones, did you?" she asked warily.

"No." Of course, I had thought about it. I still wasn't sure whether or not my hit had broken his jaw. But even if it had, it was healed by now. And he deserved it.

I saw that my mother's concentration was no longer on me. She gazed down the hallway with a worried expression on her face.

"Everything okay?" I questioned. She was always so busy asking me if my life was going alright that sometimes I forgot to make sure that her life was going okay.

"Just…concerned." How very motherly of her.

"About what?"

"Do you have any idea what's bothering your brother?" My mom faced me again. "When he got home, he was really upset. He's locked himself in his room and won't come out…"

I tried not to laugh. Sounds like Seth's plan was a lot like mine. The kid and I had more in common than I realized.

"He's a teenager." I shrugged.

"I don't know. I think it's more than that. When he got home, Billy asked him if he'd seen Jacob today, and Seth told him that his son was off prancing around in some show-ring trying to be the Cullen's top dog. Then he proceeded to rant about how unfair his life had become." I saw her brow tense up. "I believe his exact words were 'Jacob is an ungrateful little bastard.'"

Wow. Go Seth. It wasn't very often that Seth would voice his disapproval's out loud. He must be pretty angry at Jacob for him to have gone off on Billy like he supposedly had.

I wondered how my mom had reacted.

"What did you do?"

"I sent him to his room!" she exclaimed. "He just grumbled and said he was heading that way anyway…" She shook her head. "What could have possibly gotten into him? He seemed fine when he left the house earlier. He was even chatting with Billy about the next council meeting. He offered to bake a batch of cookies for the tribe."

So my brother was a baker now too? I sighed. How many times was I going to have to kick other kid's asses for making fun of his hobbies? Then I remembered that Seth was a wolf, albeit a baking, scrap-booking wolf. But he could most certainly take care of himself.

"I wouldn't worry too much." I placed my hand reassuringly on my mom's arm. "He's probably just doing the normal teenage angst thing. You know the "Wah, my life is over. I hate everything and everyone and nothing is ever going to make me feel better, so leave me in a dark room to die" bit." I smiled.

I didn't want her worrying about us. The more concerned she became, the more questions she would ask. And I wanted to protect her from the answers. So I gave her a generic, yet truthful, response. She bought it.

"God, I have to go through that again?" She buried her face in her hands. I hadn't been the easiest teenager in the world to deal with. I never held back what I was feeling, and I was constantly getting into trouble. I remember that dad wasn't the one who'd frightened me. Mom was. She meant business.

Any time I did something wrong, my mom would be the one to kick my ass. All I had to do to get out of being punished by my dad was bat my eyes and start to whimper like a baby. It worked every time. My mom didn't play that game. One time I had tried the whole "whimper" thing with her and she told me that unless I wanted to end up in a dog crate, I'd better cut that shit out. I never tried to sucker her again.

So far, she had been lucky with Seth. He was a pretty good kid. He stayed out of trouble. He didn't drink or do drugs. He was always polite. He did what was asked of him. And he cared about everything with all of his heart. He was every parent's wet dream.

"He's fifteen. It's an awkward time."

"Yeah, but I was just hoping that he would skip this phase. I really didn't want to do it again." She frowned. "I wonder how he'll handle his issues…" She looked at me and smiled. "You certainly kept it interesting…" She chuckled. "One time you got so upset that you locked yourself inside the dryer for three hours…"

"I remember." I could vividly recall getting so depressed over some stupid teenage thing that I had crawled into our dryer and refused to come out.

"Seth wanted to turn it on." My mom laughed. She shook her head. "I was so angry that you'd disrupted my laundry cycle that I almost let him…" She paused and looked back to my brother's room. "Next time the two of you are wolves, check in on his thoughts for me, would you?"

"You want me to spy on him?"

"Just…find out what's bothering him." She bit her lip.

"He and Jake got into it. That's all." I couldn't lie to her anymore. Hopefully that would be enough information to get her off my case. Now I just had to hope she wouldn't ask why they were fighting.

Lucky for me, she didn't.

"Well, as long as he's not on drugs…" She paused and looked at me. "He isn't, is he?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes mom. He spends all of his free time smoking crack and shooting up…" I sighed and then got serious again. "There's nothing wrong with him. He's a teenage werewolf. Every now and then, he's going to have a bad day…"

She smiled at me and touched my cheek. "I guess you're right."

I put my hand up to hers and smirked. "Of course. I'm always right."

She took notice of the warmth of my skin against hers and she dropped her hand and suddenly looked at the ground. I could tell that something was bothering her. She wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"Leah…I understand that there are certain things that are just between you and your brother. But I'm not a fool…"

"Huh?" I was caught off-guard.

"Billy had to leave because of Bob and Mary Jackson's son…"

I tried to remember the kid's name. "Justin?"

"Yeah."

I didn't understand why Billy would have to go talk to Justin Jackson. The kid was eleven-years-old. What trouble could he be getting into?

It took a minute for it to sink in. Jacob had said that more wolves were joining Sam's pack. Justin was a descendant of the Quileutes. But…he was so young. She couldn't possibly mean…

She looked up from the ground and into my eyes.

"Apparently he's been running quite the fever lately…"

A werewolf…at eleven-years-old. Man, did that suck. I was completely depressed about the fact that these new wolves, not even teenagers yet, would be facing certain death in a month. I was already upset enough that I couldn't talk Seth out of the battle. I had tried begging and pleading with my brother to stay out of it. He'd told me to bite him. Which I then did. He got pissed and bit me back.

But eleven? The kid had barely even begun to live. How could someone who didn't even have arm-pit hair fight against a pack of vicious vampires?

"And he's not the first, either." My mom frowned. "Michael Gardner and Nicolas Parks have both started "sneaking out" and keeping secrets from their parents."

Both boys were twelve. This was completely devastating to me. I knew that new wolves would be developing, but I wasn't expecting them to be so young.

"Uh huh…" I pushed myself to nod like an idiot. I was just stunned.

"Billy said Sam isn't telling him the whole story." And if he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't tell the Council what was going on. "But I was kind of hoping that you would be honest with me…"

My thoughts were rushing at a million miles a minute. What good would telling them the truth do? We were all as good as dead anyway. But with everything that I'd been through today, did I have the strength left to lie to my mom again?

No. But I could do what I always did when I was left with no other option…

I snorted, "Why don't you just ask Sam what he isn't telling you?" This was going to be hard. Being a bitch usually came so naturally to me. But not when it came to my mom. "He's the leader here. Not me."

My mom didn't look upset by my snappy attitude.

"I know. But I thought that maybe you could save me the trouble and just talk to me."

I didn't have any other option. She'd backed me into a corner.

"After twenty years, you choose now to start actually parenting me?" It was completely untrue and below the belt. But I was about two seconds away from blabbing the entire truth to her. And I didn't want to do that.

"I could do with a little less attitude from you," she snapped back.

Good. She was angry. Anger was better than sorrow. After next month, she would have plenty of opportunities to grieve in sorrow. But for now, anger was the key.

"Look, I'm sorry," I stayed with the bitchy tone. "I've just had an irritating morning. The thing with Sam has me all emotional and shit…"

"Yeah, I'm not buying it." My mom obviously didn't believe that Sam had me this upset. "I'm not stupid. I know something big is coming…"

I heard a car pull up the driveway. Charlie was back. I glanced to the front door.

My mom didn't take her eyes off me.

"Just because he's here doesn't mean we aren't going to finish this conversation."

Crap. Looks like I was going to have to lie after all. "Okay, I get that you're worried about us…" I heard Charlie shut his car door. "...but there's no need to be." Lie number one. "We can handle what's going on." Lie number two. "You just have to trust that everything will work out." Three for three. "There's nothing to be concerned about." Four. "Seth and I both are going to be fine…" And five.

I had told five lies in less than thirty seconds. I watched my mom's reaction carefully. As she mulled it over, I heard Charlie's boots on the front porch.

"Just promise me that you'll let me help if you get yourselves in over your head." Well, that was a bit pointless now.

I faked a smile. "Of course."

Great. Now, not only was I liar, but I was going to break a promise to my mother, too.

"Go and have fun with Charlie." I said just as the front door swung open.

He saw the two of us on the couch. "You girls hungry?"

"We're going out to lunch. Would you like to come?" Mom questioned.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."

"Seth!" my mom called down the hallway. "Do you want to go out to eat with Charlie and me?"

"No! I'm just going to stay here and wait to die! Thanks!" Seth exclaimed.

Thanks. The kid had ended his angry retort with thanks. I tried not to laugh.

"You sure?" she asked my brother one last time.

He was brattier this time.

"I already said 'no!' I'm in a bad mood!" There was a pause and Seth added, "I might even set something on fire!"

My mother frowned at his dramatics. "Just make sure it looks like an accident! I don't think our insurance covers arson!"

My mother glanced at me and I smiled at her. "I'll make sure he stays out of the dryer."

She walked to where Charlie was standing. I stood up and started towards my room.

"I love you, Leah," she called from behind me.

God, she was making me feel like shit. I turned around and faked another smile so she wouldn't see my pain. "Love you, too, mom. Have fun…"

I couldn't get to my bedroom fast enough. I slammed my door behind me and fell backwards on to my bed. I heard the front door open and then close. I growled out a frustrated grunt. It was official. This day sucked. Plain and simple. I hated keeping things from my mother. I hated that Jacob was being such an ass. I hated that Sam still had my heart when I wanted to give it to Embry. I hated that my brother and I…and the rest of my pack were going to die.

I felt my anger boiling to the surface. I frantically looked around and spotted a stress-relief ball that I had invested in when Sam broke up with me. I grabbed it and started to pump it aggressively. As I looked at the bright red ball, I stopped a moment to think about how ironic it was. Red. What a stupid color to relieve aggression.

I squeezed it again. "This damn thing is not working." I got frustrated and threw the ball into my wall. It chipped some paint and made a dent. I let out a laugh. Ha, that did make me feel better. Guess it wasn't completely useless after all. I glanced at the small dent the ball had left. I must have thrown it pretty hard for something that soft to cause that kind of damage.

I laid on my bed grumbling to myself about the fact that it was just my luck to actually start to find some happiness in my life, and now I was going to lose that in four weeks trying to save the life of a leech that I couldn't stand. Was there anything in my life that wasn't complicated?

I was drawn out of my thoughts when I heard a loud noise come from my brother's room. Naturally, I was curious as to what Seth was up to. I made my way to his room and tapped lightly on the door.

"No one's home!" There was a frantic edge to his voice.

"What was that noise?" I questioned.

"What noise? I didn't hear anything." Even though I couldn't see his face, I could tell that he was lying.

I shrugged. Seth didn't have any problem barging into my room. I turned his doorknob.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I found on the other side of the door. Seth was leaning against his wall with a stupid bashful grin across his face. I glanced down and saw that his arm was extending to the wall with his fist disappearing into the paint.

I didn't say anything for a moment. I just stared in shock.

Seth let out a grumble, "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?"

"I'm going to laugh at you!" I honked out a laugh. Was he stuck? I tried to contain my laughter. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Punching things always seems to help you…" Seth looked at me sheepishly.

"But I don't put my fist all the way through the wall you idiot!" I exclaimed.

I walked over to survey the damage. His fist was caught in the sheet rock.

"Just help me pull…" Seth rolled his eyes.

I grabbed his wrist and started tugging. A few seconds later, his hand was free. I watched as some dust fell to the floor. Seth flexed his fingers. There was some dried up blood from an already healed wound on one of his knuckles.

Seth bit his lip. "Mom's gonna be mad."

"You're damn right she is." I tried my best not to die laughing. "You know, you could have hit the electrical wires."

"Well, as you so kindly pointed out earlier, we're going to die soon anyway." Seth shrugged.

"Yep. So there's only one thing left to do…" I smiled at him. He waited for me to continue, "Wanna get trashed? I know where mom keeps the good liquor." I tried to lighten the mood. It was amazing that my mood had gone from ansty and dark to hilariously entertained in such a short amount of time. Seeing Seth stuck in the wall had brought tears to my eyes…in a good way. I'd laughed so hard that I cried. God bless my stupid brother.

Seth frowned at me. "You're asking your fifteen year old brother if he wants to get drunk?"

"Oh, come on. Lighten up." I snickered as I walked out of his room and towards the kitchen. He followed me out of curiosity.

I had seriously thought about raiding mom's liquor cabinet, but decided that in the end, it probably wasn't the best decision. I could just see me overdoing it on Jack Daniels and staggering over to the Cullen's to give Jacob a piece of my mind. Never mind the fact that I'd probably be so out of it that I'd get lost on the way out there and end up on a bus to Vegas or something.

I opted for a Coke instead. I grabbed one for Seth and tossed it to him.

"Here ya go, slugger…"

Seth sighed and sat down at the table.

"How do you manage to do this all the time?" he questioned.

"Do what?"

"Be so angry," he said with a frown. "Man, this bitterness stuff is hard. You make it look so easy…"

"It's an art form." I grinned.

"I'm just so pissed, you know? I feel like killing something…" He glanced up at me.

I jokingly took a step backwards.

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm just sick of everyone bossing me around. First Sam used his command on me, and now Jacob. I'm tired of being everyone's bitch. I'm starting to think this "Alpha" thing turns people into jackasses."

"Well, Sam was already a jackass. And Jake…well, he has a lot on his mind…" It was hard for me to defend Jacob, but I knew that he hadn't meant to use his command on Seth earlier. If he wanted to, he could have used it on all of us and literally forced us to go back to Sam. Knowing that still didn't make me less angry with him. "Jake will come to his senses…" I hoped. "And if he doesn't, we'll figure something out."

"Anything to keep us from going back to Sam." Seth took a sip of his drink and let out a callous laugh. "Hell, I'd just as soon follow you than have to go back to Mr. Domineering."

I thought about how easily our pack ran. We were so good together. Even without Jacob around half the time, we still managed to run the perimeters just fine. He never really had to give us any orders. And I know that he didn't like to use his command. The one thing that was different about Jacob as an Alpha versus Sam was the fact that Jake let us keep our free will. I wondered, had Jacob considered the possibility of just letting us control ourselves?

"Uh oh, you've got that look in your eyes…" Seth glanced at me warily.

"What look?"

"You're plotting something, aren't you?"

I smiled. "I think I've got an idea…"

"That's never good." Seth frowned. "The last time you had an "idea," I ended up at the Fire Station in women's clothing…"

"Call Quil and tell him to meet us at the beach." I raced out the door, probably leaving Seth in a state of confusion.

As I raced to Embry's place, I was running various scenarios in my head. I didn't know if my plan would work.

But it was worth a shot.