Well, maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Is how to shoot someone who'd out drew you

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

"Hallelujah"

-Jeff Buckley

Chapter 45:

So, we're rebels? What else is new?

After I dragged Embry out of his house, I met Seth at the beach where we normally had the tribal bonfires. It had been a while since I had actually gone to one, considering I wasn't really part of the tribe anymore. None of us really were. We were the "outlaws." Aka, the idiots who protected vampires.

"Where's Quil?" I questioned.

Seth pointed down the beach towards the shore, and I saw Quil dragging a screaming child away from the water.

"He brought Claire to a meeting with werewolves?" I frowned.

Seth just shrugged, "Her mother wanted to know if he would watch her. Apparently shopping for a wedding and three-year-olds don't mix. It seems that she smeared pudding on a Vera Wang wedding dress."

I snorted out a laugh. I could just see some uptight prissy salesclerk freaking out, and frantically pulling her hair out, It's smudged! Oh, God, it's smudged! The world is over! The way people freaked out over the stupidest things surprised me. But apparently panicking made every situation oh, so much better.

Embry added nonchalantly, "It's not like she'll understand anything we're saying anyway. Toddler's speak a completely different language than us."

His words were cut off by Claire's cry of disappointment, "I wanna swim!"

"I told you baby girl, it's too cold today." Quil picked Claire up, and walked over to where we were standing.

Claire put her hands on Quil's cheeks and pressed them together. Well, she definitely had his attention. "But I wanna be a mermaid," she pouted.

He chuckled as he looked at us. "She's got this thing for mermaid's now," he explained. "She watches The Little Mermaid every freakin day." I could hear a bit of frustration in his voice. It was a cute little movie, but I could see where it would get annoying after a while.

"Qwil, put me down now pwease…" Claire smiled sweetly.

"Okay, but you promise to stand right here and hold my hand?" Quil questioned.

She nodded her head enthusiastically, so Quil sat her down. She glanced up at him, and then looked at the rest of us. She let out a devious chuckle, and then raced towards the water letting out squeals of laughter.

"Clever little thing." I couldn't help but laugh. God, Quil was a sucker. I could have told him that Claire was playing him, but I thought it would be more comedic if I just let her do her thing. Watching him stumble around clumsily and cluelessly after her was the funniest thing I'd seen in a while.

"How long does this terrible twos thing last? She's three…" Quil sighed as he raced after her. A few minutes later, he returned. Claire had managed to somehow stay dry, while Quil was soaking wet from head to toe.

Claire was going to be trouble when she got older. I could see that now.

"Just wait until she starts throwing tantrums." I laughed.

"Already been there." Quil put Claire down. "I found out the hard way that she hates to wear shoes now for some reason." He paused and looked down at Claire, who looked like she was ready to bolt again. "She gave me a black eye." He grabbed her tiny hand in his firmly so she couldn't run off again. She twisted around, and played with her hair with her free hand.

First, Seth had lost a fight with his wall. And now, I was hearing that Quil could get his ass kicked by a three-year-old. Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.

"So, what's up, Leah?" Seth asked what I know they were all thinking.

"Well, you gave me an idea when we were talking in the kitchen earlier." I looked at my brother. Embry and Quil looked at him as well. He just shrugged. He didn't know what I was thinking anymore than they did. "I know I'm not the only one pissed about Jacob's decision."

I heard the three of them grumble in agreement. Seth, in particular, grumbled the loudest.

"But, did you guys notice that Jake never commanded that we go to Sam?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah he did," Seth frowned.

I shook my head. "No, he told us to go home. And even then, it wasn't a command, or else Embry and I wouldn't have been able to stay wolves."

There was such an easy answer to this solution that I had completely overlooked it before.

"Jake's never commanded us to do anything." I glanced at Seth. "Except when he lost his temper with you today." I paused, and then shook my head. "That was partly my fault for riling him up. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Seth smiled at me. "You're my sister. I'm used to you getting me into trouble."

"Let's not forget that Jake never wanted to be the leader." I pointed out.

"And this speech is supposed to make us feel better about the fact that we're unwanted?" Quil lifted an eyebrow at me.

"The thing is, he's a completely different Alpha than Sam," I said. "Jacob won't use his command because he promised we could keep our free-will. He's hoping that we'll go back to Sam because he asked us to."

"What are you getting at, Leah?" Seth leaned forward in anticipation. "You think we can break off and form our own pack or something?"

"Probably not. The only reason we were ever able to get away from Sam is because Jacob is the true Alpha. I don't think any of us can push past Jacob. But, we can ignore him."

"Yeah, until he phases and sees we aren't doing what he asked us to do," Quil frowned.

"What's the worst he can do to us?" I shrugged. I certainly wasn't afraid of Jacob Black. "Besides, I don't think he'll force us back to La Push. He'll see there isn't any point. When I set my mind to something, there's no stopping me."

"Boy, isn't that the truth?" I heard Seth murmur under his breath.

"Jake and I are very much alike." I turned up my nose in aggravation admitting that. "We're both very stubborn-willed individuals who will fight with our last breath to assure that we're doing what's right. I think that's why he put me second in command." I reminded them that Jacob wasn't the only one of us who could give orders. "At first, I didn't really see the point in the whole "second in command" thing. But now, I get it," I nodded. "It's like why the Vice President exists. If something should happen to the Commander in Chief..." I paused. "...like, say, ours, has completely lost his marbles…" I thought of the fact that Jacob was going to willingly let vampires hunt and kill humans just outside our borders, and there was nothing we could do about it. "It's my job to make sure that I do what's right for us."

I let the idea sink into their heads. The beach was completely silent aside from the waves swishing along the shore, and Claire humming "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid quietly to herself.

Seth was the first to speak up, "You want us to follow…you?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure no one here wants to go back to Sam's command." I shuddered at the thought of that. "We're technically still a part of Jake's pack. But everything he tells us to do will be filtered by me."

"Unless he commands us?" Quil was uncertain.

I was confident that he wouldn't. He was going to be pissed when he found out that I was leading an uprising against him, but I still don't think he'd force us back to Sam. Maybe he would get used to the idea of me taking charge for now. Either that, or he'd kill me.

"I don't think he'll take away our free-will." I had to believe that Jacob was better than that. "So, what do you say? Is it a mutiny?" I smirked.

Embry put his arm around me and laughed, "My girl, the rebel," he smirked from ear to ear.

"So, you're with me?"

"Hell, yeah. I'm game," Embry nodded.

"Language…" Quil glanced at Claire, who was completely oblivious to the fact that the adults were having a conversation. She was squatting at Quil's feet, and burying them in the sand. "I already got reamed out after she came home one day and told her mother that I had busted my ass on the swing-set."

We all laughed.

"You've been bossing me around for my entire life." Seth glanced at me. "I guess a few more weeks couldn't hurt." Seth was in on my plan as well.

"…And then there was one." I looked at Quil.

He was going to be the toughest one to convince. He and I had never really gotten along. And the idea of me being in charge of him couldn't have been easy for him to swallow. But, unless he wanted to go back to Sam's command, he was left with no other option.

"I don't know if it'll work." Quil shook his head.

"It's worth a shot." I couldn't believe how optimistic my voice sounded. I must have been really confident about this. Interesting.

"It might upset Jacob quite a bit."

Oh, yes. And we wouldn't want Jacob to get his little feelings hurt.

"It's not like I'm overthrowing him as Alpha," I shrugged. I was just taking control until he stopped being such a moron. "I'm just reminding him that he made me second in command for a reason."

Quil still looked unsure. There was only one way to sway him. I had mixed feelings about it. I didn't like to manipulate people. But Quil wasn't going to listen to me.

I leaned down to the three-year-old playing mindlessly in the sand.

"What do you think Claire? Should Quil grow a pair and help Auntie Leah out?" I asked.

She grinned at me, and then turned to Quil and put her arms out for him to pick her up. He lifted her off of the ground.

"Wisten to Weah Qwil." Claire pat his shoulder.

Hot damn. The kid was already good at emotional blackmail. She was a natural.

"Real nice, Leah." Quil frowned disapprovingly at me. "Using a three-year-old?"

"Kids are smart," I said. "You should listen to her." I tried to hold my laughter in.

"Yeah!" Claire piped in. "Pweeease?"

Quil sighed and then looked at me. "Okay, count me in."

Sweet success. Even though sometimes Quil got on my nerves, I was glad that he'd decided to stay. I know the pack wouldn't be the same without him. I tried to make a mental note not to be too hard on him. The next couple of weeks were going to be difficult enough. I could see that every time he looked at Claire, he was afraid that it would be the last time he saw her. I wonder if Embry felt that way.

I looked over at him. He didn't seem distressed. He smiled at me. I think that he still thought we were going to get out of this alive. He was such an optimist. He was the complete opposite of me. Maybe that's why we worked so well together.

I saw Seth pondering something. "So, what about Sam's pack?" he questioned. "Are we still going to run with them?"

"Probably. The perimeters still need to be guarded, especially with as many visitors that will be in town," I frowned.

"And the Cullen's land?" Quil asked.

It was weird having them all look to me for answers. In the past, we had always just always done what we assumed Jake wanted us to do.

"We should probably keep our time there to a minimum." Jacob probably didn't want us coming into contact with any of the vampires. "A sweep every now and then wouldn't hurt." I said that mainly for myself. I just wanted to check in on Jacob occasionally to make sure that he wasn't dead or anything, though after the way he'd just tossed us aside, death by vampires was something the giant turd deserved.

"Are we going to tell Jake, or just wait until he phases and figures out that we're doing our own thing?" Embry asked.

"I'll talk to Jacob." The next comment was a lot harder to force out. "And Sam." Both Alpha's needed to know what was going on. And they deserved to hear it in person. I just hoped that the conversations I had with the two of them went better than our talks earlier today.

Luckily, the tension in the air was broken when Claire exclaimed excitedly, "Sea shell!" She pointed her fingers madly around at a shell that had caught her eye. Quil let her down, and she hopped over to it happily. "Come wook Qwil! Pwetty!"

"Good luck with the talk. Hope Jacob doesn't yell at you too much," Quil shrugged. He glanced at Claire, who had her shoes off, and was trying to pull off her shirt.

"Um, why is she stripping?" Seth questioned.

"Because mermaids don't wear clothes." That was the weirdest sentence I'd ever heard come out of Quil's mouth. "I should probably get her home before she strips down completely and ends up with pneumonia." He waved as he walked over to Claire.

We watched as Quil chased Claire around the beach, trying to convince her to put her clothes back on. It was hilarious, especially when she threw one of her shoes into the water and made Quil fish it out.

Seth left not long after Quil. He'd said something about trying to find a way to cover the hole in his wall so mom wouldn't see it. I wished him luck. If there was a trick to keeping mom from finding holes in the walls, I didn't know what it was. Even when I covered them up, she always seemed to know they were there.

Embry and I walked along the shore silently. I thought about how drastically this day had changed. My brain was working on complete information overload. I watched as the sun got lower in the sky. I wondered how many vampires were at the Cullen's place now. My conversation with Jacob was going to be interesting, to say the least.

Embry noticed how deep in thought I was. "You're awful quiet."

"It's been a long day. And ending it by talking to Jake and Sam is going to be tough," I admitted. I had gotten past trying to be this "tough bitch" in front of Embry. I knew that I could lighten up, and let him know what I was really feeling. He was going to love me no matter what. That was a good feeling. I grabbed his hand as we strolled. He squeezed mine back.

"You know, you don't have to talk to Sam again if you don't want to," Embry said. "You could just let Jacob tell him."

If only it were that easy. Sam and I weren't finished with the conversation we had started this morning. I was thinking that after I told him there was no way I was going to be his bitch again, we could finish what we'd started earlier. But I was having some trouble going from, There's no way in hell that I would ever run with you again, you controlling jackass to I'm done caring about you. I don't want to love you anymore.

I thought about how Embry had stood up for me today. I knew he'd seen the conversation I'd had with Sam. He knew about Sam's admissions. And he knew about mine. Yet, he was still here with me, following my every move.

"I'm trying not to love Sam." I pretty much blurted out.

"I know." Embry didn't sound upset. God, was he a saint or something?

I laughed, "Why do you put up with me?"

He took a moment to consider his answer. "I like a challenge." I saw a smile break across his face.

"Are you calling me difficult?" I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'd say that's an understatement." Embry teased me.

"Just for that, you can forget me going to your Senior Prom with you." I joked.

Embry faked a gasp, "You mean I won't have to listen to torturous music for hours on end while I prove to the world how much I can't dance? Oh, how will I go on?" he asked sarcastically.

"You're begging for me to punch you, aren't you?"

"Go ahead," he chuckled. "But just so you know, unlike Sam, I won't go down from just one little girly smack."

I didn't know whether or not I was ready to laugh at that. So I just stayed silent.

"Oh, come on, I was just messing around," Embry said softly.

"So, what Sam and I talked about today doesn't bother you at all?" I asked.

"Of course it does. I don't like to see you upset."

"But you aren't upset over the fact that Sam and I still have feelings for one another?" I questioned. I watched Embry's face carefully to analyze what he was thinking.

"You two have been through a lot," he said. I don't know how he managed to stay so calm about this entire situation. Any other guy would have been beating down Sam's door and threatening to shoot him. But, Embry wasn't just like any other guy. "I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. I know we're meant to be together. I can be patient. You don't have to worry. I will wait for you."

I knew all of this, yet somehow I felt like I was hearing it for the first time. Maybe it's because I had refused to accept that someone like him actually loved someone like me.

He noticed the puzzled expression on my face. "What's wrong?"

"You just baffle me. I'm continuously asking myself why someone like you wants to be with someone like me."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Leah. You've got more going for you than you realize."

I sighed, "I can't believe you're comforting me after seeing the conversation that Sam and I had today."

"Well, what would you have me do?" he questioned.

"I don't know. Get mad. Scream at me or something." I didn't know how to handle Embry's acceptance.

"You want me to get mad?" He looked surprised.

I nodded. Embry shrugged, and then grabbed me by the waist. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like I was some two-year-old.

I laughed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting mad." Embry smirked as he walked towards the water.

"Oh, no, you wouldn't dare!" I exclaimed. "Embry Call, you put me down!"

"But I'm sooo angry." He rolled his eyes.

He waded into the water a few feet and then stopped. I watched the current splashing against his calves. I felt him shift his weight as he tossed me forward into the water. It was freezing. Quil had been right to stop Claire from swimming today. If it was this cold to a werewolf, I can't imagine what it felt like to a human.

I stood up and spit some water out of my mouth. Embry was doubled over laughing at me.

"That's it, Leah, doggie paddle!" he exclaimed with a laugh.

"Oh, I get it, because I'm a dog. Ha, ha. Very funny." I sloshed towards the shore.

I stopped a few feet in front of him. He was still laughing at me.

"You're all wet…"

"Hey, my foot's stuck on something. Give me a hand here." I reached out for Embry's help.

Embry leaned forward to help me. I smiled. He didn't suspect a thing. As I got my hands around his arms, I let out a chuckle.

"Big mistake, Call…"

"Oh, crap…" Embry realized what I was up to.

I yanked on his arms roughly and pulled him forward, sending him toppling into the water face first.

He stood up after a minute and nodded, "Hmm, I shoulda seen that coming."

We waded out of the water and back on to the shore. The sun was rapidly disappearing over the cliffs. I glanced up to the cliffs overlooking the ocean and I thought about Embry's request that I cliff-dive with him if we survived the Volturi.

"Hey, why do you want me to cliff-dive so bad?"

He just grinned at me. "You'll see."

I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. And, now that I wasn't high on painkillers, Embry didn't feel the need to be so gentle with me. I had noticed that our embraces were definitely getting more passionate. With the warmth radiating throughout our bodies, I hardly even realized how cold I had been mere seconds ago.

I pulled away and brought my hand to the back of his head and smacked him.

"That's for getting mad at me."

"The kiss or the hit?" he asked.

"Both," I sighed happily. I glanced at the sunset. The day hasn't started out very well, but at least it was ending on a good note.

It was then that I remembered that the day wasn't over yet. I still had to talk to Jacob and Sam.

"I've gotta run. I've got to go piss Jake off."

"Want me to come?" Embry questioned.

"Nah. Jacob doesn't scare me."

"Nothing scares you." Embry rolled his eyes.

That was the first thing that Embry had been wrong about since we'd started dating. There was one thing that always made me go weak in the knees. The one thing I couldn't force myself to do. Trust. How could I ever love someone when I couldn't trust them?

I pushed the thought out of my head and I forced myself to focus on talking to Jacob. I waved to Embry as I disappeared into the trees to phase.

My fur was wet. Embry had gotten me soaked from head to toe. I couldn't help but laugh as I shook the moisture out of my fur. I sprinted forward towards the Cullen's place. And though my mind should have been on what I was going to say to Jacob, I couldn't help but think of Embry.

I sighed. Damn it, I was falling for him. But so far, the only thing love had brought me in my life was pain. Would this be any different?