Santana is sitting cross-legged on Brittany's bed, staring down into her calculus book with un-seeing eyes. She has been staring at the same problem for 5 minutes and not gottten any closer to actually realizing what it was she was supposed to do. And it wasn't because she didn't get it. She actually found calculus fairly easy. It was more about the fact that Brittany's feet were placed in her lap and her upper body sprawled out over the rest of the bed. Unlike Santana Brittany wasn't even trying to study, she was just lying there on her back, with her eyes closed, smiling slightly, humming and at the same time absently stroking her feet up and down the inside of Santana's thigh.
It was this particular gesture that had made it so very hard for Santana to concentrate for the last five minutes. Her eyes start travelling over Brittany's body again, for like the sixth time in five minutes. Her cute red toenails. The smooth skin on her calfes. Her tighs under the short skirt. Her breast tightly pressed back by the Cheerios top. When she reaches Brittany's face she realizes the blonde has opened her eyes and is staring back at her intensly. Santana iimmediately drops her gaze and tries to look like she's reading the book again although her pulse is pounding in her ears.
She's done pretty much the same thing every time she has been alone with Brittany for the past few weeks. Ever since that conversation in the locker room. Sex. Santana hasn't been able to stop thinking about it, no matter how hard she's tried. And every time they've been alone she hasn't been able to stop herself from looking at Brittany the way she just did. Staring at her legs, her boobs, her juicy skin. But it always make her feel guilty when she does, which is why she drops her gaze when Brittany catches her. Guilty and dirty (not the good kind) and just a freak. Gay. Lesbian. Ugh. Those words just don't fit on Santana. She's a badass, a bitch, a freakin hot piece of ass. She's on top. She's when you're all that you can't be gay. Then again, what Brittany said in the locker room might be true too. Just sex. Not a big deal. Maybe it could just be a casual thing.
These are the kind of thoughts that Santana has thought constantly for the last week. Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes she actually convinces herself it can be okay, that maybe they can have sex and be friends and it's fine. But then her stomach flutters when she sees her friend or she sees how the football guys treat that Kurt kid in school and she's back where she started. And he's not even out, he just screams gay. Because of these thoughts she hasn't dared to do anything more than just what they've always done when she's with Brittany. Being friends. Hanging out. And even though she's been dying to kiss Brittany again, she hasn't. And she's pretended like she hasn't seen the looks Brittany have been giving her. Filled with lust but also passive. Waiting. Waiting for Santana to make the move. The move she's not actually sure she can make, although she desperatly wants to.
Her eyes flicker back to Brittany's face, seeing that the blonde is chewing the inside of her lip, like she does when she's thinking hard, and staring at her. Giving her that look again. Santana suddenly feels a need to get the hell out of there.
Five minutes later, when she opens her car door after fleeing from Brittany as fast as she could without making it more awkward, she releases a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She gets in her car and drives home, pushing the pictures that are invading her head away.
...
A few days later Santana barges into the locker room, pissed off and hot, slamming the door open. What few Cheerios who are left jump and quickly gather their things, bolting for the door that leads into the school. No one wants to be around Santana Lopez when she's in this mood. Quinn the bitch had made Santana do laps because she was unfocused again. It's not my fault Brittany looks like a freakin sex-godess when she dances.
Even though she's in a crap mood, seeing the Cheerios run for the door makes Santana smirk on the inside. I've still got it. Im still on top at this school. The good mood and the thoughts are derailed just a second later however when Santana spots Brittany dropping something out of her locker and bending down to pick it up. Santana can't tear her eyes from where the frazzles of her practically non-existent skirt are parting, and where the red underpant stretches tightly over her ass. The panic hits her again, like a stab in the gut, as it's done everytime over the past few weeks when she's seen Brittany like this. She wants her so bad she can barely breath but she's also terrified of what that means. Santana quickly strips off her clothes, fleeing into the shower to avoid Brittany.
When she finally has to come out she tries to act normal, like she's been trying for the last weeks, even though just the fact that she's alone with Brittany in a room makes her stomach flutter. She walks over to her locker and start pulling out her clothes. She's only in a towel, her back to Brittany when she hears the blonde talking.
"Santana. Do you not want to have sex with me?"
Brittany doesn't sound mad or anything, she just asks it calmly. Santana freezes before slowly turning around. Brittany's sitting cross-legged on the benches. Her eyes roam over Santana's towel clad body. Santana shudders. She knows Brittany probably already knows the answer to that, knows exactly the war that's been going on in Santana's mind the last weeks. Contrary to popular belief Brittany isn't stupid. No, she's not booksmart, at all, and yes she gets confused about a lot of things but she's very good at reading people. Far better than Santana is. She knows exactly what Santana's thinking. Despite this though she's asking now, and Santana's guess it that it's because she's tired of waiting. Santana doesn't know what to say, she doesn't know what to do yet and the silence stretches on.
"Because I want to", Brittany says after a few seconds, standing up. Santana grips her towel more tightly, just trying to find anything to hold on to. She can't think clearly. She's dizzy and all she's aware of is that Brittany's slowly moving closer.
"I really want to have sex with you, Santana. You're really hot. And I'm really hot too." Santana can only nod in agreement, making Brittany smile. "So I think that if we had sex", Brittany continues, still trailing towards Santana "it would be like super hot."
Brittany comes to a stop, her face just inches away from Santana's. Santana takes a couple of deep breaths, closing her eyes, before she realizes it's already to late to say no. There's no way she's gonna be able to say no to Brittany now, no matter how much reservations she has about this being gay or not. All she wants to do is throw Brittany down on the floor and...
"Santana?" Brittany interrupts her train of thought.
"Okay", she blurts out.
The blonde smiles at her, needing no further explanation as to what that "okay" means. She can probably see it in my eyes anyway. Puck once told the latina that when she's horny her eyes are what gives her away. Since Brittany is now staring into them Santana thinks she can see exactly what she's thinking about.
"Well, since we're in school and everything, maybe I should just let you get dressed, even though I really don't want to do that", Brittany says, licking her lips and she seems to lose her train of thought for a second, her eyes trailing lower. She has to shake her head to snap out of it and she lifts her gaze to Santana's face again.
"So I'll just be in the car, then we can go to my place, since my parents aren't home."
Brittany leaves the locker room, winking at Santana before she's gone. Santana is still extremely confused, but even more so, she's extremely turned on. She throws on her clothes and it's all she can do not to run as she makes her way out to the parking lot.
At the car Brittany just grabs Santana's purse, taking her car keys and sliding into the drivers seat of the latina's car. Santana is still to confused, thinking to hard to even notice and just jumps into the passenger seat. Brittany gives her a bright smile, on the surface innocent, but underneath it shows very clearly what she's thinking about. She's practically smoldering at Santana. The latina swallows as Brittany turns the key in the ignition and backs out.
On the road Santana's looking out the window and thinking hard, trying to come up with a reason why this is okay. She still doesn't know what to do, or more likely she does deep inside but isn't ready to accept it. What she does know is that she likes kissing Brittany. A lot. And she will probably like having sexy times with Brittany as well. But that doesn't mean she's gay, right? Why put a label on it though? Why not just enjoy it? I can do that right? Santana glances over at Brittany, her gaze dropping to her thigh. Yeah, I will definitely enjoy it. She's pretty much made up her mind now, staring at Brittany's thigh. The blonde notices's her staring and almost smirks.
Jeez, Santana thinks looking away, when did I become such a freaking pussy? Santana has always been the one who makes the boys stare and stuttet while she's cool and in control. Now she's embarrasly turned on by Brittany, her whole body buzzing, and Brittany's the one who seems to be in control of the situation. Determined to change this, Santana looks Brittany straight in the eye with a smoldering look and the blonde's smile falters and becomes a stunned look. This time Santana is the one who smirks, even more turned on than before as she sees Brittany's reaction. They arrive at Brittany's house and jump out of the car, quickly moving inside.
Still trying to be the one in control Santana pushes Brittany roughly up aginst the wall the minuter they're inside her room and starts kissing her furiously. Her hands travel down to the blonde's hips and slip in under her Cheerios top. Santana turns them around and walks them over to the bed, pushing Brittany down on her back. The blonde is practically panting when Santana climbs on top her, straddling her friend's hips. She grabs Brittany's wrist, pinning her hands above her head. Then she stops for a second, staring into Brittany's eyes. Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to cross the line like this and have sex with my best friend?
Santana thinks Brittany can see the hesitation in her eyes and quickly tries to put on a confident face. Control. Her hands are shaking slightly, her stomach fluttering.
"Santana?"
"Yeah, Britt?"
"Have you ever, you know, done it with a girl before?"
Her first impulse is to lie, tell her of course she has. Make it seem like she knows what she's doing. But she realizes that Brittany will just see through her anyway.
"No", Santana says and turns away, somewhat embarrased. After a few seconds of silence she looks down at Brittany again
"You?"
Brittany shakes her head. The blonde seems to think about this for a second, chewing the inside of her lip, before she shakes her hands to get Santana to release them. She does and Brittany leans up, resting on her elbows, to capture the latina's lips. They kiss slowly and softly for a minute. Soon Santana feels that same warmth she's felt before with Brittany spread through her body. She doesn't care that it's weird anymore. She just wants Brittany right now. Wants her bad. It's just sex right? And no one will know. Once again she grabs Brittany by the wrists, forcing her down on her back again.
"No one will know about this!" she says forcefully. "This is our secret. And we're not gay. We're just..."
"Hot?" Brittany suggests.
"Yeah, okay we're just two hot people, enjoying each others company. That's it! Anyways, do you get it?"
Brittany nods eagerly. Santana leans down and crashes their lips together once more, all her hesitation vanished. Brittany suddenly rolls them over, topping Santana. Had it been anyone than Brittany Santana would have rolled them right back, but at the moment she seems to have forgotten all about control. She's never felt this way before, like her entire body is about to explode. All she can do is keep kissing Brittany, pulling her closer.