Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay, and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out

When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

"Ironic"

-Alanis Morissette

Chapter 50:

Why do birthdays always end in bloodbaths?

Three months ago, I wouldn't have helped Emmett and Rosalie. I would have sat back and watched the show, maybe even joined in to help rip them to shreds. But that was three months ago. I cussed under my breath at Jacob and Seth for making me hate the leeches less.

"Hey! Whoa! STOP!" I exclaimed.

Danny and Justin completely ignored me, though Rosalie and Emmett took a moment to register the fact that I was there, as human. They had no choice but to defend themselves against the wolves.

Rosalie and Justin whizzed by us, nearly knocking me off of my feet.

Embry whimpered at me. I think he wanted me to phase.

"We've got a better chance of them listening to us if one of us stays human," I explained. Someone needed to communicate. Part of me knew that they weren't going to listen to me, but I couldn't force myself to phase and attack my own kind to protect vampires. I especially couldn't attack them because they were just babies.

Another whine.

"Go." I ordered him to subdue Danny, who was still circling Emmett. Danny snarled at Emmett, and Emmett hissed back.

"Just so you know, you two are fighting kids!" I warned Rosalie and Emmett. I wanted them to be fully aware of the situation, so they would be less likely to hurt the idiot children.

Embry raced over to where Danny was getting ready to pounce on Emmett. He knocked Danny out of the air mid-leap. Go Embry! Danny looked frazzled and freaked out, but he turned his attention back to Emmett, and let out a snarl.

"Danny!" I yelled. Still no response. God damn it. I hated kids.

I noticed that Justin had backed a few feet away from Rosalie, more than likely trying to gain some distance to run and tackle her.

"Justin, back the hell off." I warned him. He didn't even acknowledge me. He was so intent on killing Rosalie, that nothing around him was registering.

"Oh, I'm going to regret this later…" I mumbled to myself as I lunged on to Justin's back and put him in a head lock. Justin struggled as he tried to shake me off. I probably looked like one of those idiot women trying to master a mechanical bull. Yee-frickin-haw. "Cool it, kid." I tried to sound calm so maybe he would chill out.

It didn't work. Justin reared up in a panic and threw me off of him. He let out an unintentional growl. Well, at least it better have been unintentional. He jerked his head around to look at me. At least I had gained his attention.

"You're really going to go after your own species?" Rosalie snapped at Justin.

"Don't antagonize him. He's just a kid," I grumbled.

Justin didn't like my assessment of him. He turned to me and snapped at me.

I lost my temper and smacked my hand against the little spaz's head as he lunged for me. I heard a snap from one of my bones. Shit. The little brat had broken two of my fingers. Well, I certainly couldn't phase to fight now. It would just mess up my bones. Score one for stupid impulsive me.

"Justin, you better stop this shit, right now." I ordered as I came face to face with him. I was so close that I could see the fear in his eyes. I knew he was terrified. He didn't understand that I was here to help him. He just saw that I was protecting the vampires, and he was freaking out.

I saw Emmett racing over to us.

"Embry's got the other kid under control," he explained. "You alright, mutt?" He glanced at the ground where I was still sitting face to face with Justin.

I was too focused on trying to calm him down. "Just stay calm. Everything is fine," I nodded. Justin was shaking wildly. "Justin, phase back. We're going to get you home."

He heard Rosalie shift from behind us, and he spun around, knocking me a few feet away. I looked up just in time to see Justin lunging for Blondie's throat.

Before I could mutter out, "Don't be a dumbass," there was a sudden change in the air. I heard a howl. Seth had found Sam. Thank bloody heaven. Justin and Danny had stopped everything they were doing and started racing towards the howl. They stopped at a line of trees and waited for Sam.

I just took a moment to breathe. I laid my head back down on the ground and huffed out a breath of air. A few seconds later, there were three shadows over me. Embry was at my feet, while Emmett and Rosalie were on either side, looking down at me.

"She dead?" Rosalie questioned as she turned her nose up.

"I dunno. It's kinda hard to tell. She's always looked a little ruff." Emmett had to throw a damn dog joke in every time he was around me.

"You're completely lame," I said in a sinister tone. I pushed myself to sit up.

"You okay?" Emmett generally seemed like he cared. That was weird. A vampire concerned about a werewolf?

"Depends. Does 'okay' mean 'incredibly pissed off?'" I questioned. I touched the tip of one of my broken fingers as I was standing up, and let out a hiss.

Rosalie disappeared for a moment. I heard her chattering indistinctively on her phone. She returned a few minutes later.

"You make the call?" Emmett asked.

"He's on his way," she nodded. "You're sure about this?"

"Sure about what? Who's on the way?" I questioned. "Because, if you hadn't noticed, this area is a little over-crowded at the moment." I glanced around. Sam was really letting the boys have it for disappearing and pulling this dangerous stunt.

Seth was walking over to us as human, waving like crazy.

"Emmett, dude! It's been a while! How are you?" It was like they were old college buddies instead of mortal enemies.

"It's been productive," Emmett said.

"When did the two of you get back?" I asked. I glanced at Rosalie. She didn't say anything. She just stared at the two young wolves getting in trouble.

"Just now," Emmett nodded. "Why? You disappointed that we're still alive?"

"A little." I smarted off.

"Did the trip go as planned? Did you find more witnesses?" Seth asked.

"We'll get back to more of that in a minute." I looked at Emmett and Rosalie. "Who's coming here?" I reminded them that I had witnessed their little secretive phone call.

"Two of your fingers are probably broken, and it's possible that your wrist is too. The snap was very audible," Rosalie explained. There was no concern in her voice. It was very matter-of-fact.

It didn't take me long to figure out who they had called with this information. I frowned.

"You called Doctor Dracula on me?"

Emmett grinned a big grin at his wife.

"Told ya she'd be pissed. Pay up." He pushed her playfully when she refused to show any glint of humor in her face.

"Glad you're okay," Seth smiled at me. "When I realized that I couldn't hear your thoughts, I was worried."

Embry huffed in agreement. He didn't like the fact that I'd been hurt again, but I could tell he was relieved that it wasn't serious.

"It's just a good thing you found Sam." I glanced over at Sam lecturing the boys. I never thought I would be happy to see Sam. But considering he had phased in the nick of time to command Justin and Danny to stop their ridiculous plan, I was relieved at his presence.

Rosalie was apparently not. She was really irritated and pissy. Just like she had always been. I shrugged. At least she was constant.

"Stupid kids," I heard Rosalie mutter. For once, I agreed with the blonde-haired freak. I hated kids sometimes.

"So, I hear you're sixteen today," Emmett smiled at my brother.

Seth laughed, "I guess it wouldn't be a real birthday around here if someone wasn't in mortal danger."

Emmett punched Seth playfully. "Looks like Rose and I got back just in time to see you wave goodbye to your childhood forever."

"I don't know. I might be sixteen for a while," Seth admitted. "It's not like I'm getting any older. And I mean, technically, I phased right before I turned fifteen, so, yeah, that blows," Seth frowned. He didn't like the idea of looking so young forever. He glanced to Justin and Danny. "But it's gotta suck even worse to be stuck at twelve. At least I'm old enough to try and sneak into R-rated movies."

"Hey, if you do stay sixteen forever, just think of the chicks you can get. You'll be the high school hunk forever. High school girls, man. They'll keep getting older, and you'll stay the same age."

"Tell me you did not just quote Dazed and Confused," I frowned at Emmett.

"Paraphrasing," Emmett shrugged. "I believe in the movie that the roles were reversed." He went as far as telling me what the original quote had been. I looked at him with disbelief. He just shrugged, "We've been around for centuries, and we never sleep. Spare time is very easy to come by."

I could hear another vampire approaching rapidly. I knew it was Carlisle, so I wasn't concerned. Sam ordered Justin and Danny to phase back and go home, which they begrudgingly did. He and Embry phased back.

"I'll talk to Sam to see what the deal is," Embry offered. "Unless you want me to stay with you."

"I think I'll be okay." My fingers didn't hurt too terribly. After having my arm completely broken in three places, only to have it rebroken and set, nothing else seemed painful anymore.

Embry nodded at me as he and Sam walked towards one another. I'm sure Sam needed to update him on what was said to Danny and Justin. I hoped he hadn't been too hard on them. They were, after all, just children.

I turned my attention back to Seth and Emmett, who were gossiping like two fifteen-year-old girls at a slumber party. Rosalie and I both shared the same look of uninterest as Seth complained about being young forever.

"Don't worry, Seth. On your 21st birthday, if you still look fifteen, I'll get you a hooker," Emmett winked.

A growl escaped Rosalie's lips, "Emmett."

She didn't appreciate his humor.

"Come on babe, it was a joke," Emmett laughed. "Lighten up."

"Carlisle has it from here, Emmett," Rosalie said with a scowl on her face. "We need to get back to the mansion." She raced away from us.

Emmett glanced at Seth again.

"Take it from me, dude, stay single forever," he said quietly.

"I'll see ya later." Seth waved.

"EMMETT!" Rosalie yelled. She was really impatient. And apparently saying his name twenty times was how she motivated him to do what she wanted.

"Take care of those fingers, Leah," Emmett nodded. "The middle one in particular. I've become quite fond of how you say hello to me." He laughed. I laughed, too. I did use my middle finger quite often when I was in his company.

"I've got another one." I held up my uninjured hand and showed him the finger that he so desired.

"It's good to be home." Emmett chuckled as he sped away.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "Welcome back…" I muttered sarcastically.

I couldn't say that I was entirely pleased that they were back safely. But at least now, our numbers for the battle were increasing again.

A couple of seconds later, Carlisle appeared in the clearing with a few medical supplies.

"I'm gonna see what Embry and Sam are discussing." Seth loped away from me. I got the feeling that he didn't want to stick around to watch his big sister cuss at the kind doctor who was trying to help her.

I let Carlisle know quite quickly that I wasn't as injured as the last time he'd seen me hurt.

"What? No X-Ray machine? I thought for sure you'd drag it out here to kill me with radiation." I could just see Carlisle dragging the X-Ray machine along with him in the woods. The squirrels wouldn't know what do to...

Carlisle ignored my cynicism as he smiled politely at me, "I'm sorry to hear that you're hurt again."

"Aw, come on, Doc. It's people like me who keep you in business." I laughed. "If everyone in the world stayed safe and unharmed, you wouldn't have a job."

Carlisle just continued to smile at me, "I'm sure I could be just as happy in another occupation."

He was so freaking optimistic. I grumbled to myself. Optimists were annoying. But, he was really kind of cool to have around. A portable doctor. That was kind of sweet.

"I suppose I'll look at your arm first." Carlisle grabbed something out of his bag.

My arm? Was it even hurt? I glanced down at my arm in confusion. There was a gash that was starting to heal over. I had never even noticed it. Apparently, Justin's claw had caught me when I wasn't paying attention. It was odd that Rosalie hadn't pointed that out in her little diagnosis of me when she explained why she'd called Carlisle.

"I'm just going to add a few stitches to help with the scarring." Carlisle gently touched the gash. I automatically flinched when he touched me. I could never get used to a vampire being this close to me. Plus, his hands were like ice.

"Sorry," Carlisle said kindly as he numbed the area of the injury. At least he was good at what he did. I barely even felt the pull when he put the needle through my skin.

"When did you get back to town?" I knew that Rosalie and Emmett had literally just breezed back here, but I was curious as to how long he'd been back.

"About three days ago," Carlisle nodded. "Esme and I did a great deal of traveling, trying to find old friends to send out this way."

"Yeah, I noticed," I grumbled under my breath.

"We've done all that we can. Now, all we can do is hope."

I laughed at the irony. A vampire that was full of hope. I didn't have to point out what was wrong with that picture.

"Although, I'm very optimistic about Bella being able to learn to project her shield. She's been working with Kate and some of the nomads nonstop."

I had forgotten about Bella's useless little power. So she could protect herself from vampires with abilities? Big whoop. Wasn't going to make a bit of difference when the Volturi came to town. She could keep Jane from shocking her...that still didn't mean that the guard wouldn't rip her to pieces. What good would her shield do then? I could see her being chased by half a dozen little vampire minions. I thought about short vampires, and a curious question came to my mind.

"Ah, uh, so, everyone's back home now?" I questioned.

Carlisle glanced at the ground to hide his sorrow. He looked sad. Guess there were two members of his family that were still unaccounted for.

"Not everyone," Carlisle sighed.

"Oh. Sorry," I shrugged. I still couldn't believe that Alice and Jasper would completely abandon their family. That was the coward's way out. And if I knew anything about Alice, she wasn't a coward. And Jasper had been in a war. He'd never struck me as a wimp either.

Carlisle looked over at Seth, Sam, and Embry, who looked like they were having a very serious conversation. Carlisle noticed me looking at them, too.

"Seth's discussing the gifts he's gotten so far." Carlisle could obviously hear what they were discussing. Those vampire ears were freaky good.

"Great, I'm over here getting stitched up, and they're talking about the special features on the Terminator DVD." I rolled my eyes.

"Actually, he's speaking about something sentimental that you gave him." Carlisle smiled. "They're concerned about you. You're very lucky to have so many people that care about you." I bet he was wondering why they cared about me. Sometimes, I wondered that myself.

Carlisle's smile faded away and was replaced by a concerned expression.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head. "They're just…discussing the Volturi." He let out a sigh. "I feel terrible that your family is involved in this, too."

I was amazed. How could someone who didn't have a heartbeat be so softhearted?

"I really wish that you all would stay out of the fight. You could get hurt." For the first time, I realized that he was looking at me as if I were one of his children. It freaked me out, but I just masked it with my trademark sarcasm.

"Oh, lighten up, you sound like my mom: 'Don't play with fire,' 'Eat your vegetables,' 'If I catch you drinking paint thinner one more time'…"

Carlisle raised his brow at me, but after a moment, chuckled under his breath.

I just shrugged, "Don't worry about us, Doc. We can hold our own."

"You know. It's very kind of you to stand by us in the coming confrontation." "Confrontation" was an understatement.

"Yeah. Sure. No problem." Dying by vampires, and for vampires made perfect sense.

It was silent for a minute. I felt one last tug on my arm.

"That should do it." Carlisle had finished stitching me up. He put some iodine on the wound. It was going to scar beautifully. He had laced the stitches underneath the wound itself, and pulled the subcutaneous layer of skin together. It barely looked like a scratch. "Because you heal so quickly, I used absorbable sutures," he explained.

"Looks good." I was impressed.

"Rosalie said something about your wrist possibly being injured as well." He looked at my injured hand. "Can you move it?"

I flexed my wrist. It was sore, but it wasn't very painful.

"And your fingers?" he asked.

I had a harder time maneuvering my fingers. Carlisle examined them carefully. He looked satisfied when he let go of my hand.

"As far as I can tell, the wrist isn't broken. And the fingers seem to be healing correctly on their own," he nodded. "But if you'd like to be certain we could get some X-Rays…"

His house was overflowing with murderous leeches. There was no way I was going there. I didn't care if every bone in my body was broken, and he had invented a painless way to put me back together. I'd rather die squirming in pain than walk into that mansion.

"No." I interrupted him. "It's fine. I…believe you." I chose my words carefully. I realized that I had almost said "I trust you." I shuddered.

I can't believe I'd almost told a vampire that I trusted him. The sad thing was I did. Carlisle had never done anything other than show me complete respect. In fact, I don't think I really hated anyone in his family anymore…well, except of course Bella. But she was a different story. I did hate them for existing, but they'd never done anything horrible to me personally.

I noticed that Embry was waving for me to come over to his side.

"Hey, thanks for coming out here to patch me up. It really wasn't necessary."

"It really was." Carlisle disagreed with me.

"Well, here's to hoping that next time you see me, it won't be because I've broken or mangled some part of my body." I walked over to the discussion about the new wolves.

When I reached Embry's side, I turned around to wave at the doctor one last time, but he was already gone.

"He get you fixed up?" Embry questioned.

"You know, for a vampire he does remarkable work." I ran my fingers over the now barely visible gash in my arm. "I should send him a muffin basket or something."

"Vampires don't eat." Seth reminded me.

"Fine. A blood basket," I joked. I noticed that Sam was the only one that wasn't smiling. "Come on, lighten up." I was reminded of Emmett's words to Rosalie just moments ago.

"I'm glad that you're alright, but we have a serious problem on our hands," Sam frowned.

"So, a couple of kids freaked out." I didn't see what the big deal was. They were under control now, and no one had been seriously injured.

"We have to treat this very delicately. Young wolves can be very dangerous." He still had a scowl on his face.

"I know. I was young and stupid once, too," I said.

Without Quil and Jacob there was no one around to quip that I might not be young anymore, but I was still stupid. Aw, I missed our little squabbles sometimes.

"This is very serious…" Sam continued with the grumbling.

"Fine. You wanna be serious about it?" I questioned. "What the hell were they doing alone, Sam?"

"I had given everyone the night off. No phasing. I didn't know they were going to disobey me," Sam frowned.

"Even when they're not in training you should have a loose eye on them so things like this don't happen. We don't need over-anxious little boys looking for a fight or getting killed because we were too busy to teach them right from wrong."

"They didn't see anything wrong with the situation. They were running away, like normal teenagers do. But they came across Emmett and Rosalie and they panicked."

"They knew not to cross the border. And they did." Embry sided with me. "They knew what they were doing wasn't right, so don't try to play this up like they're completely innocent."

"Yeah, you've got to stop letting your naïve new puppies get in to trouble. I'm getting tired of putting my ass on the line for them." I paused. "You know, the next time this happens I'm going to be rooting for the vampire to win," I said sarcastically.

Sam surprised me with his response, "You're right. We need to keep a closer eye on them. I'll speak with Jared and Paul about it in the morning." He was listening to my advice? Since when was Sam sensible? He continued, "The boys have been disciplined."

How did you discipline twelve-year-olds? Eliminate recess?

"In the meantime I apologize for the inconvenience." Sam looked at Seth. "I know today is your birthday. So, why don't you head home and try to salvage the rest of the evening?" And with that, Sam turned around and disappeared into the woods.

The three of us stared after him in disbelief. Sam had not only taken my advice, but he had admitted that I was right and then he apologized to us.

"Just so we're clear, that really just happened, right?" I questioned.

Embry and Seth just nodded.

Sam was acting very odd. What had gotten in to him?