I have only this breath, to keep this moment

At the dawn of today, all the mystery left

Is here before me

But can my heart turn away?

I've come too far now...

These four walls could never hold me

And these two hands

Could never hold me back

I'm just before the open door

"These two Hands"

-Hana Pestle

Chapter 53:

Things are getting really freaking weird

I was amazed at how optimistic I became over the next week. I continued to help Sam train the new wolves. Justin and Danny apologized profusely for their actions that had broken two of my fingers. I didn't care. I was over it.

I think I surprised Embry with my newfound hopeful attitude. I explained to him that I had to believe that Alice couldn't possibly know what was coming since she couldn't see when we were around. He still asked me if I had lost my mind.

"Are you feeling okay?" he questioned.

"Fine. Why?"

"Because I'm starting to worry that you've had a lobotomy or are experimenting with drugs or something. Because you just seem too…calm…" He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sure I can find something to throw a fit about." I shrugged. I looked around my living room. "There…" I glanced at the floor where Seth had carelessly thrown his shoes, "...I've told that moron thousands of times to put his damn shoes away. I nearly broke my neck last week."

"There's the cynic I know and love." Embry kissed my forehead.

We could hear my mom rushing around the kitchen.

"What's she up to?" Embry questioned.

"She's afraid Charlie is going to die of starvation." I rolled my eyes. She was planning on taking lunch over to Charlie.

"I'm guessing that you're never going to cook for me?" Embry asked. I gave him a stern look and he laughed. "I'll take care of meals in the future. Growing up with just my mom has a few perks. She had me cooking full course meals when I was seven."

I laughed as I teased him. "Do you knit too?"

"Crochet." Embry nodded. "I do some needlework."

"Mama's boy." I shoved him playfully.

"Leah? I'm heading over to Charlie's now. Make sure Seth gets his room cleaned up." She walked into the living room.

"Yeah, it's starting to smell like something died in there." I agreed with her. I saw that she had a picnic basket and I couldn't help but tease her. "It's a little rainy for a picnic." The rain was really coming down out there today.

She glared at me jokingly."My soggy food will still be better than the crap that Charlie cooks for himself." She glanced up in thought. "I mean, I love him dearly, but the man can't cook to save his life. He's been living on Pop-Tarts and frozen Pizza since Bella moved out."

"Sounds like he has it made." Embry smiled. Of course he would think that kind of life was cool. He was a guy.

"Well, have fun." I nodded. "Billy going with you?" Sometimes Billy tagged along with my mom when she went over to Charlie's. He had spent a lot of his time sulking at home lately. It would be good for him to get out of the house.

My mom scowled. Wow, what had her so pissed off? She just shook her head.

"Not this time."

"Is something wrong?"

"Billy and I had a disagreement."

"About what?" I really hoped that it didn't have anything to do with the wolves or vampires. I hated it when they fought about us.

"Well, Billy thinks that I should spend less time with Charlie…and I disagreed." She frowned. "He claims that he just doesn't like me getting so comfortable with the vampires. But I think he's a bit concerned with how serious the relationship between me and Charlie has gotten."

I shuddered when I thought of their closeness. I had been an unwilling witness to their love more than once. If I wasn't already a screw up, I would be suffering from severe emotional trauma from the times I had seen old people love.

"Go easy on him, Mrs. C," Embry said softly. "He's just trying to look out for you."

I was surprised that Embry had decided to speak up. Normally he stayed out of this kind of thing.

"It'd be a lot easier if he wasn't such a stubborn old fool." My mom shook her head. She softened her expression and sighed, "Ah, we'll get over this hurdle. We always do. Maybe I'll give him a call…" she said, "...as soon as he stops acting like some idiotic jealous teenager."

When my mom walked out the door, Embry and I looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"And we thought our love lives were complicated." I chuckled.

I heard my mother's car pull away. Seth was snoring loudly from his room. The fact that he was sleeping made me tired. I yawned. I looked over at Embry. He looked exhausted too. We had been running drills with the new kids all night. It was hard for me to believe, but they were actually getting better at fighting. But it was very tiring.

"I take it that you're as close to crashing as me?" Embry yawned.

"I didn't realize how tired I was. I've been running on adrenaline for like the past month," I admitted.

"Me too," Embry said. "Well, that, and caffeine has become my new best friend."

"Bet you fall asleep before I do." I challenged him.

"You're on."

We spent the next twenty minutes sitting in silence, occasionally poking one another to see if the other was still awake. I think it's safe to say that we both drifted off at about the same time. Or at least, that was the excuse that I was going to use so I didn't lose the bet.

When I woke up several hours later, I saw Seth and Embry playing some graphic video game. I shrugged and sat up.

"What time is it?" I yawned.

Seth didn't hesitate as he pulled dad's pocket-watch out and glanced at it proudly. He turned to face me.

"Two." We hadn't slept very long. "Mom is on her way home."

"Already? Wow. She didn't stay at Charlie's very long." So had she just thrown the food at him and walked out the door?

"He's coming back with her." Seth shrugged. "He has Nessie…"

Wait, Bella left Nessie in the care of her father? Had the girl completely lost her mind? For one, Charlie had no idea how to care for a child such as Nessie. And more importantly, what about the vampires that were attached to the little mutant? What if they went wandering around looking for her and stumbled across her father in the process? Was she trying to get Charlie killed?

Seth interrupted the rant in my head, "Jacob's with them," he said. "He's actually the one who called. Said something about Bella disappearing or being up to something." He shrugged. "Anyway, Charlie was worried that Nessie would get bored at his house. He doesn't have any toys for her to play with, cept the ones he got her for Christmas…" I had forgotten that Christmas was only a few days away. When you get wrapped up in training and trying not to die, time seems to fly by. "So mom suggested that they swing by here. She's got a whole basket full of toys for when she watches Claire."

I laughed. "I wonder what Claire would have to say about sharing her toys with a half vampire child?"

"She probably wouldn't care considering most of these days she spends her time torturing Quil." Embry smiled. "Yesterday she made him dress up as a princess and then locked him out of the house for the whole neighborhood to see how pretty he looked."

"God, I hope someone has pictures." I would kill to see that.

I heard mom's car pull up out front, followed by Charlie's car. She and Charlie were chatting happily. I could hear Jacob's footsteps a few paces behind them. I'm sure he's the one who was holding Nessie. My thoughts were confirmed a few minutes later when they came in.

"Hey, Leah. Seth. Embry." Jacob waved. Nessie was curled up against Jacob's side. She looked quite content there.

"S'up, man?" Embry questioned.

"Hey, Jake." Seth waved.

Seth and Jacob had spoken about their strained friendship. Fortunately, they had found a way to work it out and they were back to not hating each other so much. I was proud of the fact that they were able to man up and talk about their feelings.

"I'll go grab the toys." My mom disappeared down the hallway. A few minutes later, she came back in dragging Claire's toy chest. I looked at Nessie. She looked completely uninterested. After all, the kid was reading Shakespeare and Hemingway. A frog that teaches the ABC's would be pointless for her to play with. It was kind of degrading in a way. But Nessie didn't seem to mind the charade. She cooed happily when mom pulled out some singing Walrus who rapped the numbers from one to ten. She clapped her hands. Was she really entertained? Or was she actually that good of a little actress?

"You know, Charlie, I noticed a…thing when I pulled this toy box out from the wall. There's um, an…electrical outlet…I want you to take a look at." My mom glanced down the hallway. If this was her attempt at being subtle to run off and play kissy face with her boyfriend, she sucked at it.

"Hmmm, I guess I could check it out." Charlie nodded seriously. He gave her a wink that was probably only meant for her eyes, but he wasn't very good at hiding his motives either.

Oh, just go and make out already. I tried not to say that out loud. I didn't want to piss my mom off. She was already upset about Billy. I didn't need to give her another reason to be angry. I just watched as they disappeared down the hallway.

"You know, they're not really looking at anything electrical…" Jacob bounced Nessie happily in his lap. "Though, there might be electricity of some kind involved." He smirked suggestively.

"Say another word and I'll bite you," Seth threatened.

Jacob's comments hadn't bothered me. I had pretty much accepted the fact that Charlie Swan was going to be my new daddy a long time ago. Seth was still sore thinking about mom and Charlie getting so close…especially on a physical level. It bothered him more than me.

"Seth, put down that video game controller and say hi to Nessie. She's missed you, man." Jacob put Nessie down. Nessie looked around carefully to make sure that my mom and Charlie wouldn't catch her doing something that normal babies wouldn't do. Seth put down the controller and smiled.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Ness. Come here." He stood up, ready to embrace Nessie in a hug. Nessie hopped over to him like a little bunny and then leaped into his arms.

She kept her voice quiet, so as not to startle my mom and Charlie, who were just down the hall. "I miss you. Where have you been?"

"Oh, Jake hasn't told you?" Seth questioned. He glanced at Jacob. Jake shrugged, so Seth responded, "We're trying to get ready for the big arrival so everything goes according to plan." Hats off to my brother for finding a way to state that in such a way that: one, wouldn't frighten Nessie, and two, would still leave my mom and Charlie completely clueless as to what was really going on.

"I have lots of new friends," Nessie admitted as Seth put her down. She zipped over to me. "But I want to be with my Jacob's pack." I cringed a little when I heard her refer to Jacob as "her" Jacob. Since when was she so possessive? Nessie took my hand. I did my best not to flinch, so I wouldn't hurt her delicate little vampire feelings.

Jacob saved me from my discomfort.

"Hey, Ness, why don't you play with Seth and Embry? I need to talk to Leah."

Nessie let go of my hand and I let out a sigh of relief as she toddled over to Seth and Embry.

"Thanks for the distraction," I said quietly.

"Wasn't a distraction." Jacob motioned for me to follow him. "We really do need to talk."

I frowned. Of course we did. Trade one uncomfortable situation for another. Boy, I was so lucky.

Jacob and I walked outside. It was still drizzling, but the rain had let up tremendously.

"How's training?" Jacob questioned.

"Actually, it's going pretty well. The new kids are learning. They still can't fight worth crap, but they've got a shot at actually taking down a vamp or two."

I saw Jacob furrow his brow and look at the ground seriously.

"I don't like the idea of twelve-year-olds going into battle."

"Yeah, and I'm so thrilled about it." I rolled my eyes. "Sam says there's nothing we can do."

"He could order them to stay home. To keep quiet. Maybe the vampires wouldn't suspect there are more of us," Jacob suggested.

"Uh huh, what fairytale world are you living in?" I asked sarcastically. "No matter what happens, this is not going to end well for the youngest wolves."

"It's just very frustrating."

"Believe me, I know." I nodded. "You think I actually want to watch these kids go into a fight? Do you think I want to see my brother out there in the clearing getting his head ripped off by some pissed off vampire? There's not a lot we can do, Jake. We just have to keep training and hope that Alice knows what she's doing."

Jacob laughed at me. "Since when do you have faith in Alice?"

"I don't." I shrugged. "That's the point. Her visions are far from perfect. She couldn't have seen the battle, Jake. We are going to be there."

Jacob thought for a moment.

"I…never thought of that…"

"Yeah, no one has." I rolled my eyes. "They all rely on her visions way too much. Remember when Bella decided to go cliff-diving and Alice automatically assumed we should start writing her eulogy?" I reminded him that Alice had never interpreted her visions correctly. She was quite the little trouble-maker because of that. She assumed way too much. That's the problem with psychics; they thought that just because they could see the future, they knew what it meant. But things can easily be misinterpreted.

"If she didn't see the battle, then why did she run?" Jacob questioned.

"Because she always impulsively jumps the gun?" I guessed. "I dunno."

"By now, she should have figured out that the wolves are involved. If she knows that, then why hasn't she contacted anybody?" Jacob grumbled.

I really didn't know what Alice's plan was, if she even had one.

"Maybe she wants to surprise everyone?" For someone who had spent her entire life never being surprised, Alice sure did like to surprise others.

"Still, I would have thought that she'd at least call to check in," he grumbled to himself. "First, Alice takes off without so much as a goodbye, and now Bella's acting all weird and secretive. I'm hanging out with a bunch of psychos."

"You're just now figuring that out?" I laughed.

"Has Bella mentioned anything to you?" Jacob asked me curiously.

I stifled out a laugh. Did Jacob think that Bella and I were friends? I opened my mouth to reply seriously, but spontaneously decided that I was going to be a smartass instead.

"Now that you mention it, she did say something about going to visit some guy up north…"

"What?" Jacob spun his head around to look me in the eyes.

"Oh, yeah." I nodded seriously. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. "I think she has some business with some guy named Nick…"

"Really?"

"You might know him. He runs around in a hideous red coat. Old dude. Kinda creepy." The laughter was getting harder to contain. Jacob looked like he was in serious thought. "Calls himself 'Santa Claus.'"

Jacob glared at me. "That's not funny, Leah."

"You should have seen your face!" I squealed out the laughter I had been working so hard to conceal.

"But I'm worried about what Bella's up to." Jacob didn't smile.

"She's always been a whackjob, Jake." I shrugged. "Who knows what she's planning? Don't worry. She's probably just out buying encyclopedias for Nessie for Christmas."

His tone softened a little as he looked at me with a weird expression, "Since when are you so reasonable?"

"Since I realized that Alice might have been wrong about the battle's outcome." I nodded. "And if she isn't, then why should I spend what's left of my life in a bad mood?"

"Yeah, because you've spent the first twenty years as little Miss. Happy-go-lucky…" Jacob muttered sarcastically.

"Jacob!" I heard my brother exclaim from behind us. "Nessie wants you."

I followed him as we walked back towards my house.

"Hey, do me a favor and don't mention anything about Alice in front of Nessie. She's still very upset at hers and Jasper's departure."

I felt bad for Nessie. No one was being truthful with her. No one would set her aside and tell her what was really going on. It had to suck being on the outside looking in, knowing that something is wrong, but no one will tell you what it is.

As the afternoon went on, I watched as Nessie entertained Jake, Seth, and Embry. I have to admit that I was amused when Nessie learned how to master the video game that the boys were playing. She completely kicked all of their asses. After a couple of hours, Charlie and my mom reappeared.

"Well, Sue…those pipes shouldn't give you any more trouble." Charlie nodded as they walked into the living room with a bit of an untidy appearance.

"I thought you were looking at the electricity." I grinned. Charlie glanced at my mother nervously as I let out a laugh. "Your shirt is on inside out loverboy…" I pointed out.

"Well, I should be getting Nessie back to my place. Bella should be back to pick her up at anytime." Charlie clapped his hands together in anxiety. Jacob walked over to Charlie and Nessie reached her arms out for her Grandfather.

"I think my dad would love to have me sleep in my own bed for a night." Jacob nodded. I think spending time with the leeches was really starting to get to him.

I saw a look of panic flash across Charlie's face. He looked afraid that they were going to leave him alone with Nessie. Nessie let out a happy sigh and then laid her head down against Charlie's shoulder. I saw Charlie's fear completely disappear.

"Are you worn out, Ness?" Charlie rubbed her back tenderly. Nessie cooed. She still didn't speak around my mom and Charlie. I guess she figured it would freak them out. It probably would.

"Nessie, what would like for dinner, sweetie?"

"Can I have a dead deer?"

Charlie would die from shock.

"I'll walk you out," Jacob said. "I need to head home anyway. I bet my old man will be shocked to see me walking through the front door."

"I'll see you later, Sue." Charlie waved. "We still on for Christmas?" he questioned.

"You bet." My mom smiled.

I waited until he and Jacob had left before I asked my mom about the holidays.

"Christmas?"

"We're going to spend it with Charlie," Mom said.

I thought about it. I guess that didn't sound too terrible. I'd certainly had worse Christmases. There was one Christmas when Seth and I'd both had the flu. That was the same year that I had insisted I had seen Santa sparring with the Easter Bunny in our living room. My mother explained to me that it was just the fever talking. And then, of course, there was the first Christmas after my dad had died. That was hard on all of us.

"Bella and Edward are bringing Nessie by," Mom added.

I kept my snide comments to myself. So, it was going to suck a little. I could get over it.

"And Sam and Emily are coming…"

Okay, it was going to suck a lot.

"I think it will be nice to have everyone under the same roof," she admitted. "It will give us all a chance to catch up."

Yeah, either that, or we would all kill each other.

I was not looking forward to Christmas anymore.