It's a long one but I suspect the next will be quite short so it'll even out.

The last week of October.

Spock always went to the pool at 18:00 on a Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays, he often saw the same people on Tuesdays and Thursdays as like him they had their routines. On a Saturday it was often empty though a few times he would see students making a few laps. The smell of chloride hit his nose as he exited the changing rooms, there was one other swimmer there this afternoon. Not paying much attention he curved his body and dived into the water, it was cooler today than usual. He swam three laps before he realized something wasn't right. He concentrated on each of his muscle, there were no strains or weaknesses in them. Next he concentrated on his heartbeat, it was elevated but not above the usual exercise speed, his breathing was also fine. He paused in the middle of the pool.

It was her. The other person in the pool was Nyota. She was swimming laps slowly, almost lazily. This could not be part of her usual routine she was not usually in the pool at this time on a Saturday. Neither did this look like exercise, at the speed she was swimming at she would not gain an effective work out. He watched her long arms and legs propel her through the water, the water droplets caught the light as she moved making it appear like there were little shining lights upon her skin. She was wearing the standard red cadet swimming costume, but it look different on her than it did on other cadets, a most illogical thought.

She must have sensed him watching her as she stopped and stood. She was at the shallowest end of the pool so only her waist remained in the water, her hair was tied back but it streamed over one of her shoulders, droplets ran down her flesh and the costume clung to her curves in a way that Spock found very interesting though he had no idea why. She was staring at him, expecting. He wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting but now that he had been noticed it would be impolite to ignore her.

He dove back into the water and swam to stand a meter away from her. He could feel her eyes on him and she stood in silence for thirteen seconds then her face flushed, he loved this darkening of the skin there was something so enticing about it.

" Good afternoon Cadet, I hope you are well."

"Yes thank you, and yourself?' She said the customary reply immediately but her eyes were not meeting his they were watching her own finger swirling in the water.

" I am fine. I do not usually see you here at this time."

"No, I prefer to swim just before bed. I'm just relaxing." Her eyes still did not meet his. He didn't like it.

" Are you stressed?"

"Just an assignment bothering me."

" Can I help you with it?"

"No, it's not difficult it's just tedious. Will you excuse me I was going to meet Galia."

" Yes of course. Cadet you should take a little time everyday to pursue enjoyable activities, it will help to prevent you getting stressed."

" I will, Bye commander."

Spock turned around and dove back into the water so as not to watch her getting out the pool, he was aware of her wet footsteps padding away from him though.

October 31.

Spock had finished all the days work, he was hungry and decided that he would have a fresh curry from a restaurant just outside the academy grounds. He was fully aware that it was the night of that strange Earth tradition where Humans dressed up and acted as if they were somebody else. Spock had always found it slightly disconcerting. He set off through the academy grounds.

He nodded as he passed the captain of the titanic, a civil war soldier, a witch, and what he believed to be the main character of the classic nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty.

As he walked through the recreational fields on the edge of the academy grounds. He stopped for a few moments to observe a picnic. There was a table set with Jam scones and a tea set. The four cadets around it were all in fancy dress. One, a female cadet with blond hair pushed back with a blue band, she was wearing a blue dress with a white pinafore. Two others were dressed as animals, a mouse and a rabbit, no the ears were to big for a rabbit it was a hare. The forth student was wearing an unusual outfit of top hat purple velvet coat and green waistcoat. He watched as the top hat Cadet took a pocket watch out of his waist coat and proceeded to dip it in a cup of tea. Spock left feeling like he would never understand some human customs.

He sat alone in the restaurant, ordered and sat silently thinking until his food arrived, he enjoyed the meal, the spiciness of the sauces. When he'd finished he headed back to his apartment content to end the night playing his lute.

The sun had set whilst he was in the restaurant and he noticed that groups of cadets were heading out for a night of frivolity. He turned a corner and stopped suddenly having almost walked into Galia, Nyota was stood behind her, both were in costume. His eyes immediately took in Nyotas appearance,. Her hair had been straightened and dusted in glitter so as it shined in the streetlight. She was wearing a top of shiny material that wrapped around her neck and left her arms and shoulders bare. Her skirt looked as if it were made out of layers of white feather, she was made up with pink lipstick and the white eye make-up he'd seen her wear before. The outfit was completed by a pair of large sparkly wings connected to her back. Spock felt his heartbeat increase.

Galias outfit was a tight red corset with a black leather skirt that managed to reach further up the Orion cadets legs than her uniform did. On top of her curly red hair there was a pair of horns and she held some kind of large fork.

"Hello Cadet Uhura, Galia."

"Hello Spock." Nyota replied. It always made him just a tiny bit happy when she dropped the title. They stood facing each other in silence for a few seconds, Spock didn't want to just pass her by.

" I take it you're going to a party?"

"Yes, are you?"

"No, I was eating out."

" Your not celebrating Halloween?"

" I find it illogical to pretend to be something that I am not."

"Have you never wanted to be somebody else, just for a while?

"As that is not possible it is pointless to speculate." Nyota was about to answer but Galia apparently feeling left-out decided to interrupt her.

"I'm a horny devil. Do you like horny devils Mr Vulcan?" Galia ended the question with a small giggle. Noyta looked shocked, she covered her moth with her hand.

Spock thought carefully before answering. Devils, he knew were characters from Earth mythology. They were supposed to be creatures of darkness, evil spirits that tempted people into committing there own evil acts. Horny was a play on words. Devils traditionally were pictured as having pointed bone protrusions coming out of their heads. Horny also meant a spike in sexual libido.

"I don't know how to answer that cadet. I am hoping that you are drunk, and I have to say that this is the first time I have ever been happy at the idea of an inebriated student."

"Don't raise your eyebrows at me Mr Vulcan."

"She is drunk." Nyota said.

"I thought so. Cadet Uhura may I ask why you have wings?"

"I'm an angel." Spock nodded, Angels were the opposite of devils they were seen to be good and pure beings.

" It is appropriate."

"Let's get going already." Galia moaned.

"I shall let you get on your way."

"Okay, I'm sorry about ." She tilted her head towards Galia.

"That is not something for you to apologize about. I shall see you in federation languages tomorrow. Please take care of yourselves Cadets."

November 1st

Spock stood patiently watching as his students entered in small groups, most were looking a little worse for wear. Nyota and Galia arrived with three other students. When Galia ( whose skin was a tone yellower than usual) saw him she blushed dark green, groaned and covered her face with her hands. Interesting, Spock had never seen such a large show of embarrassment from an Orion. Spock noticed that Nyota still had glitter in her hair. She leaned over and spoke to Galia and gave her a slight push. Spock watched curiously as Galia approached him.

"Commander."

"Yes Cadet."

"I'm sorry for my inappropriate behavior last night."

"Thank you for your apology."

"You forgive me?"

"I do not hold grudges cadet. It is not my business but I do ask you to consider how your actions affect yourself and others in the future."

" I will commander, I promise."

November.

Nyota was sat in front of him, she had come to him at 11:30 as she did ever Wednesday. But today she seemed distracted, her pronunciation was off and the time it took her to answer even the easiest of questions in Ontarian was twice as long as usual. He even tried asking her questions that they'd practiced before only to find that here too she seemed to have problems. He was not sure how to act, in a class he would tell the student they were not working hard enough but this wasn't a class and she was learning this voluntarily for self improvement. He did not think that her other classes were causing her problems, he had heard good reports from other teachers when he had asked as her assigned mentor. She had gained good grades in all assignments, her physical trainer was ready to suggest she join the intermediate group and her simulations had all gone without hitch. She had not complained about stress before or since he had seen her at the pool and she appeared to be in good health.

"How is the weather?" He asked her in Ontarian mulling over the problem.

" It is red."

"Red?"

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

" That's wrong isn't it?"

", Miss Uhura. Is there something wrong?"

" No." Nyota looked up at him. "I mean..." She stopped talking looked down and shook her head.

Spock felt confused, his emotions were not in control today. He wished to reach out and comfort Nyota, it was not something he had ever had the urge to do before, comforting was something that was rather Human. Vulcans never had need for comfort as they were in control of their emotions, others did not affect them. It was as if he was being affected by the emotions of the young woman in front of him but there had been no physical contact between them so that was impossible. With so many strange sensations lately he had to wonder if he was becoming ill but there was nothing physically wrong with him. After being around Humans for five years was it possible his Human traits, so deeply suppressed were starting to show themselves? It could not be, he was in control of them, he just had to take more time to meditate.

" I suggest that we stop for today Cadet. You are letting your emotions affect your learning."

She looked up at him with an expression he couldn't read.

"It is not your fault Cadet, you are only a Human."

She stared at him for a moment then stood up and turned her back on him.

"Wait a moment Cadet, I need to get my bag."

She turned to face him once more. He watched as she took two deep breaths before she spoke.

"I'll eat alone today Commander." She sounded angry.

He was a little stunned, he watched as she stormed out the door. He got up and left, heading for his apartment, he would meditate over lunchtime. He had never seen her act so illogically, why was it that she was always able to unsettle him?

" So then the Doc says yes but that was just lipstick." Chris laughed at the young mechanics joke. He and Spock were at a small pub outside the academy where they often went when Chris felt like having a drink with the students. These evenings tended to contain a lot of jokes about anatomic parts and unfortunate hypothetical events. Spock always listened carefully, humor seemed a desirable trait to humans and he wished to understand it.

"Spock you seem tenser than usual tonight."

" I am as I always am."

"No, you're not."

" Vulcans cannot lie."

"Then you're not aware of it."

"I am always fully aware of my state."

" I'm not going to argue with you when your being all Vulcan, it's impossible to win."

" I am never all Vulcan as my D.N.A is half Human."

Chris took a deep drink, the mechanic looked around nervously then moved away. After three minutes and forty seconds Chris turned to him again.

" I just wanted to know if there was anything on your mind."

Spock considered for a moment, he had been thinking a lot about the way Nyota had reacted to him that morning, he did not wish her to be angry at him, he did not like having missed his weekly lunch with her. It was part of his routine.

"I seem to have angered Cadet Uhura."

"Oh? "

"I do not know why she had this reaction, to me it seems less logical than her usual behavior"

" What exactly did you do?"

"Every Wednesday she comes to my office so that I might assist her with Ontarian. She is endeavoring to teach herself the language. After I have assisted her we eat lunch together in the mess hall."

"You've never mentioned this before."

" I did not see it a matter of much importance."

" Of course not. Carry on Spock."

" Today she had difficulty concentrating on the language, she did not answer my questions correctly. I asked what was affecting her but again she had difficulty in answering so I suggested we end the session as her emotions were affecting her ability to learn, I informed her this was not her fault. Then she turned her back on me to leave and when I asked her to wait she answered that she did not wish to eat with me today."

"Right, what exactly did you say to her Spock?"

"I said you are letting your emotions affect your learning. It is not your fault you are only Human."

" And she didn't call you an arsehole?"

"No. She did not."

'Spock, saying things like that are demeaning to Humans."

" But I have heard Human teachers say it to their Human students as a means of comforting them in situations when Human emotions or weaknesses have affected the quality of their work."

" Yes but hearing from a none Human gives it a completely different meaning."

" So she believed I was insulting her."

"She just might have done."

" I should apologize."

" Yeah."

Friday

Spock was impatient, definitely impatient, he remembered the feeling from his childhood, it was quite unpleasant. He tried to concentrate past it and finish the lecture on the Orion language that he was giving in introduction to federation languages. Emotions made things difficult he wondered how Humans managed to do anything with them, he had more respect for the species than he had ever done.

" The assignment is due in next Friday as always, last week I got two assignments submitted to me on Saturday. Those students will receive an incomplete for this piece, unless they can provided me with a note from a doctor. You are dismissed. Cadet Uhura, a word if you please."

Spock watched Nyota as she hesitated when she reached the aisle, for one moment he thought she would deny him the chance to explain, but she turned and walked slowly towards her. He stood with his hands behind his back watching the slight sway of his hips until he realized he was doing this and turned his attention to watching the other cadets leaving. He saw that Galia was waiting by the door.

"I wish to speak to Cadet Uhura in private." He said loud enough for the Orion girl to hear. She left hesitantly.

" Cadet Uhura. I wish to apologize, I believe I have caused you great offense, and I did not mean to." Her eyes bore into his, her scrutiny made him feel uncomfortable, he did not remember any student ever facing him in this way.

" Yes Spock you did. But I was in a bad mood so it's not all your fault."

"That makes my offense worse, I knew you were... upset and I acted insensitively. Please accept my apology Uhura, I do not wish you to be angry with me."

" I forgive you Spock." He noticed her hand move slightly as if she were going to reach out for him and then stopped herself.

"I hope that this might not inhibit you from letting me into your confidences in the future. I truly wish to be a friend to you."

Her lips spread into a wide smile Spock felt his heart beat increase once more but did not give it any thought.

" We don't celebrate thanks giving in Africa."

Spock nodded, he was aware of this, the thanks giving ceremony was coming up in two weeks, it was mainly an American celebration but the academy gave students five days off to celebrate it. There would be no lessons from Tuesday afternoon to the following Monday. Many students would return home or visit friends over the break.

" So, my parents and I overlooked the fact that I'd be having time off. By the time I told them that I could come home for a few days they already had plans to go visit my bother."

"You can't go with them to visit your bother?"

Nyota shook her head.

" I am sorry that you are upset Uhura." Spock said not knowing what to say.

"I'm not, well not now anyway. It was just that I had only found out that morning."
Spock nodded.

" Thank you for confiding in me."

" Thanks for understanding." He nodded.

The forth Wednesday of November.

The mess hall was almost empty for lunch, Spock had surmised that only 8.3% of the students remained at the academy, most had gone home, second and third years had been given the option to get off world experience camping on a nearby M class planet that took three hours to get too at warp four and had a low gravity and numerous herbivore lifeforms. Other still had gone to a well known resort to partake in what he'd heard been called spring break 2. The kitchen staff had all been given time off so the remaining staff and students were restricted to replicator food or eating out. This also added to the lack of students n the mess hall, three to be exact. There was a young human male and female sat close together, they seemed to be eating the same meal. They did not seem to wish to be disturbed which was probably why the third was sat on her own at the opposite end of the mess hall. She seemed to be very interested in her food. Her head was bowed her shoulders slumped. Spock accessed the replicator ordering Cooper pills, plain yogurt, Kiwi a bowl of peanuts and some mac cheese. The mixture contained most the nutrients he required for the day. He took his tray and stood patiently beside the table Nyota was sat at. When he realized she hadn't noticed him there he spoke.

"May I join you for lunch today Cadet Uhura?" She straightened suddenly, and Spock noticed that there was something wrong with her eyes they looked dull, void of the usual light they carried. He wondered if she were ill.

" Yes Commander."

" It is quiet here with everybody gone, is it not?" Spock tried to make small talk.

"Yes, Galia went to the resort so it's really quite in my room now."

" You choose not to go?"

"It's for over eighteens only, Galia said she wouldn't go as I couldn't but I knew she really wanted to so I told her I'd be fine."

"Are you fine Uhura?"

She meet his eyes.

" I just wish I was at home. It was okay with everybody here but now, all on my own, it's like I feel ten times as home sick as I did before." She gave a slight laugh but it didn't sound right. " You must find that quite illogical."

"It is illogical. But I too have experience homesickness. So I empathize with you." This time her smile had a little light in it.

'I ordered Kuku Paka from the replicator but it tastes nothing like my Mum makes it."

Spock looked down at the chicken curry she was eating he could smell the coconut and chili in it.

" They never make the Vulcan dishes spicy enough either. It supports the old earth saying that there is nothing like a home cooked meal."

"Yes, I wish I could cook it myself."

Spock thought for a moment he did not like to see the Cadet upset. He knew what it was to be home sick and alone and as his reasons were quite innocent he wasn't likely to be reprimanded even if anybody did find out.

"Would it be inappropriate if I offered you the use of my Kitchen? Just for a day so as you can cook your Kuku Paka and relieve some of your home sickness."

"Is that allowed?"

"I do not see why shouldn't be."

A little of the light came back to her eyes and Spock felt satisfied, he had made her happy.

"Thanks Spock. I'll make a vegetarian version as well. I think you'll like it, it's quite spicy."

"I look forwards to it cadet."

Uhura looked down at her bowl of curry.

"I think I might go get something else."

Spock nodded he listened as her footsteps walked away from him, something he was becoming accustomed to doing, when she got back he would suggest some conversation practice to her, he wished to listen to her describe her day to day life to him as the usually did on their Wednesday lunchtimes.

Thanks Giving.

Spock moved the pillow on the chair, he looked at it, decided that it was more pleasing in it's previous spot and put it back. He wondered over to his bookshelf and carefully nudged those books that were not perfectly lined up with the others. He liked bound books it gave him greater satisfaction than reading from a screen. When he had been on Vulcan these books were denied him as his preference was illogical, when he had arrived on Earth he had immediately started collecting them. It was one of few illogical idiosyncratic traits he allowed himself. Even Vulcans feel the need for individuality. He moved into his Kitchen, everything was clean and in place, he went to the cupboard and got out some of the fresh ground chamomile he kept there, he placed the clearly labeled tin on the side so that Nyota would see it there when she arrived. He had found out on one of their conversations that she enjoyed the taste and calming effects of chamomile and not just when practicing linguistics.

he heard his com link beep, he wondered if she was calling to tell him she would not come. That would be quite unacceptable. He went into his front room and activated the com link. A familiar face appeared, his mothers. She always smiled when she called him, she was an affectionate woman, considering she had spent many years surrounded by Vulcans.

"Spokh."

"Mother, it is good to see you."

"You too son."

" Is there a reason for your calling?"

"Can't a mother call her son for no reason?"

" Everything has a reason Mother."

She laughed.

" I was just checking that your alright Spokh."

"I am fine Mother."

" It's thanks giving."

"Indeed."

"Do you have plans this year?" His mother often asked him if he had plans, she seemed to think he should spend more time in socializing, she had been pleased when she had first lernt of his growing friendship with Christopher Pike that Spock felt had not been due to the connection getting him a placement on a starship.

" Yes."

"Well?"

"You wish me to expand?"

"Yes Spokh , of course."

" One of my students is coming to use my kitchen to cook."

" Are you going to eat with her?"

"Yes." He had not mentioned it was a female student, but as his mother was correct in he assumption he did not feel the need to point it out.

" You've got a date." She stated her voice excited.

" On the contrary it is merely so that she can cook a dish from her home, she has the homesickness. We eat together in the mess hall on a regular basis."

" So your close?"

"She is my student, but I believe that we will gain friend status at some point in the future."

"You've made a new friend. That's great Spokh. What's she like?"

" She is a linguistic prodigy. She is quick to learn and fairly resourceful."

" And?"

" I do not know what information you require."

" Is she nice? Is she pretty?" Her tone told Spock that his mother was teasing him, she often did this but it was an act of affection.

" She is ..." He hesitated he never thought nice to be an affective adjective it seemed to comprise of a lot of other characteristics and nobody when asked could give a proper definition of the word. The dictionary had many definitions in this context it meant pleasing , agreeable and delightful.

" She is nice, and she is admittedly attractive."

His mother was silent for a few seconds.

" Oh Spokh, you like her."

" I find her agreeable company."

" No, it's more than that, your voice when you talk about her is softer, so is your expression. I'm not sure anybody else would notice it but it's definitely there Spokh, your falling for her."

"She is my student, perhaps one day a friend. There is nothing more."

" Okay Spokh. Just call me when you need me."

He nodded, not entirely sure of her meaning.

"Live long and prosper son."

" Peace and long life, Mother."

The conversation had disturbed him, why was it that both his mother and Chris, the two people he considered to know him best both thought he was forming an attachment to Nyota, one that wasn't based upon him being her teacher or upon building a friendship. Was it possible they were seeing something he had overlooked, he had not considered that his unease around her and strange sensations he had began to experience since her arrival at the academy could be due in any way to her. He would have to research these phenomenon more, it could be that he was having a human reaction that he had not experienced before, one that it seemed did not become much improved by meditation as others had. A chime alerted him that there was somebody at the door. He pressed his palm to the door pad, it opened to reveal Nyota, her hair was down as it had been on previous occasions when he had seen her out of uniform. This time she was wearing Jeans and a white tank top, casual wear. He noted with surprise that she again seemed to be upset.

'I'm sorry I probably should have just called."

" You were invited Miss Uhura."

" Yes, but the grocery store didn't have the right ingredients, they usually do, but because it thanks giving the shelves were just packed with traditional thanks giving foods."

" You are unable to cook the Kuku Paka." He surmised.

" Yes, I'll uh, I'll just go. Thank you for having invited me though." She turned.

"Cadet." He called her. " I have often heard that Humans do not like to be alone during their holiday seasons. Please allow me to see if there is anywhere in the city that serves the dish."

"I don't think anywhere will, not on thanks giving."

" Even if I do not find a place I still wish to eat with you today if you will allow it."

" Okay, thanks for looking out for me Commander." He nodded, wondering why it had seemed impossible just to let her walk out the door.

" Please come in and make yourself comfortable while I look up the information." He stepped aside watching as she walked in and her eyes took in his apartment. As he got his PADD and started to look up restaurants in the city he was aware of her standing by the bookshelf reading the titles of his books.

" What kind of order are these in?"

" The top shelf contains the books I have not yet read. The second down has the books I have read in the past and enjoyed and am therefore likely to read again in the near future the third has those that I will read again at some point and the forth ones I did not find satisfactory but may come in use for reference at some later date. Then each shelf is organized according to genre and alphabetical order based on author not title."

" You enjoyed the Iliad." She said Spock glanced at her seeing her run her fingers along the cover. " And the hobbit."

"You are familiar with these two titles?"

" Yes, i know there hundreds of years old, well the Iliad is over two thousand, but I still think they can be enjoyed even now."

"There themes are still relevant perhaps."

" As a star fleet cadet I definitely find the Hobbit relevant."

" I agree with you, but would still like to know why you hold this opinion."

" Bilbo comes from a little place that he's never left previous to the events in the book. He's never expected to have big adventures in life and yet he finds himself going on a strange adventure with creature that although similar to him he's not used too. He faces situations that he had not even thought possible, yet he finds some sense of enjoyment in it and finds he has skills and abilities he was never aware he processed before."

" Are you drawing a parallel to yourself Uhura?"

She laughed.

" It wasn't intentional, but yes I guess I was."

Spock considered this very personal insight into her point of view. Having been on Earth and other planets with humanoid lifeforms he had become accustomed to there differences at a young age, he had also grown accustomed to many of the different customs, foods and planetary features. Nyota however had never had these experiences, he could understand how to her all these new experience could be seen as an adventure. Many student when asked said that they joined Star Fleet for adventure, he had joined as it gave him an opportunity to make new scientific discoveries.

" Your skills and abilities were all present before you came to the academy."

"I guess I've just gained more confidence in them since I've arrived."

" That is a possibility. The only restaurant with an African menu is closed today. Do you wish to try the traditional Thanks giving food, or seek something else?"

" Thanks giving is Turkey isn't it?"

"Yes, some boast a vegetarian option of something called nut loaf. The name suggests it is a type of bread."

" It''s a mixture of nuts breadcrumbs and mushrooms."

"That would be acceptable to me."

"Me too."

'I shall check the reservations and see if there is anywhere with a table free." Spock continued his search, most restaurants indicated that they were fully booked. Finally he found one named the Vine that supposedly had some tables free for late bookings. He typed the number into his com system, it was a voice line only, a female voice answered.

"Hello, the Vine, how may I assist you?"

"Do you have any tables left for your dinner service?"

" One moment please." He waited, Nyota was patiently watching him.

"How many?"

"Two."

"Can you be here at 19:45?" It was currently 18:30, the restaurant was seven blocks away they could easily walk it in time, they would not have to leave for another twenty minutes, even taking in to mind Nyotas slower walking pace.

" Yes that would be acceptable."

" Tonight we're only serving the thanks giving menu."

" We wished to have the Vegetarian option."

"That's fine then. See you at 19:45."

He shut down the com link. He looked over at Nyota she was smiling widely, then her smile faltered a little.

"I've got to get changed."

" Do you believe that your current clothing will be inappropriate?"

"I don't know, but I don't want to risk turning up and being told they have a no jeans policy."

" Very well, I shall pick you up from your apartment in twenty minutes. "

"Sure, see you soon Spock."

He watched as she rushed out the door. The idea of eating out with her was more than acceptable, but Spock wondered at his reasons for suggesting it. It was not entirely illogical, they had eaten together in the mess hall on six occasions and he had found her company acceptable, she gave intelligent and interesting conversation. But today he had acted out of concern for her, he did not wish to see her upset, he did not wish for her to feel loneliness, and it was not due to him thinking it would affect her work. His reasons were quite unknown to him, it was an unpleasant feeling yet he could still not avoid Nyota, the cause of the feelings. He would closely observe his reactions to her over dinner, he needed to gain a better sense of what was happening to him.