So, yeah, here is the 1st real chapter, hope you enjoy it..
1st chapter:
In which I become a bigger liar than I ever was before and in which I find some weird jerk frankly freaking me out
"Hey, Jadey!", my best friend, annoying red-head Cat Valentine, squeaked as she found me straight heading towards an unspotted place I didn't even know yet.
Anyways: It wasn't that hard to tell judging by my facial expression that I know would like to spend some time on my own and surely everybody would've noticed this – everyone but Cat.
I sighed, but then just decided to ignore her empathically and with that I passed her by, not nearly as much bored as I tried to pretend.
I was absolutley tired. I'd spent the whole last night working on my acting-project while tolerating the never-ending screaming of my father and hiss almost-ex-wife downstairs in the kitchen while now and then always nodding pleased as soon as I heard another thing getting broken accompanied by my little brother's terrible crying which echoed through the whole house like an army of thousands of restless ghost.
Too bad this wasn't true, maybe they would've pissed my fucking family off.
About half a year ago I'd always been able to flee from this, but not anymore.
Not that we were broken up now.
I still couldn't believe that it now was almost half a year ago without that my heart had recovered or I only had hoped one second of the whole fucking time I was hanging out with him and the rest of our gang that my love for him was fading away, just like my life had been.
So, as the result of the last night I was now trying to fight those terrible headaches which covered my forehead like a stone-filled rubbish-bag.
I took a while for me to realize that Cat was following me, but as I found out I immediately stopped and turned around to face her with an angry look on my face.
"Whattt?", I snapped, not nearly as hard as I'd originally had planned to.
Cat just looked at me with those big, bright, innocent brown eyes.
The only kind of eyes that could kinda hypnotize me.
Damn it, I even couldn't stop thinking of him now, when I was totally exasperated and definitley shouldn't feel anything for him but pure hatred.
Usually my I-hate-everything-attitude worked quite well, only not when it came to this two special people.
"Did you hear about Robbie's play?", she asked, seeming nor or less thrilled about me talking to her, even though I hadn't said more than 'what?'
I frowned
"Robbie's doing a play?", I asked confused.
I'd always thought that Robbie, one weird boy with afro-head and definitley too big glasses and most important a ventriquolist with an annoying puppet, actually wasn't that much into acting as I or for example Beck – my stomach once turned around a bit and I hated myself for that – were.
Cat simply nodded.
"Yes, and he said he'd want me to play the lead role. Isn't this great?"
I shrugged emotionlessly.
"Sure.", I replied and then wanted to turn around, but was hold back by Cat who grabbed my wrinkle.
"What?", I snapped once again.
"Don't you wanna audition for it too, Jadey?"
"What for? I thought Robbie's already given you the part. Besides-", I continued, as I already saw Cat wanting to protest. "I don't even know that play, nor that I have read it. So: No!", I finished coolly.
Cat looked a bit taken aback while she turned around sadly and mumbled one of her usual "Phoey"s.
I followed her way gazing at her back and then turned around to go to my locker decorated wirh my beloved scissors.
I smiled as I saw them. At least something left that I still loved. Even though they weren't able to love me back, but this was something different.
I guess I just couldn't expect them to, nor had they ever loved me or at least pretended to. I grabbed my books quickly, then shut it close and started to make my way to Sikowitz's class where Cat, Robbie and all those others were already waiting to be let in.
I didn't even risk one glance at Beck, I was too damn scared of losing my pride and moreover I was being much too stubborn for this, daring to get to be around him again.
I decided to walk over to Cat and Robbie.
"Anyways: Cecilyn would so suit you, Cat.", I heard Robbie say to her.
I had to fight the urge to punch him. I couldn't stand this oh-you-are-Cat-my-best-friend-thingy anymore while he obviously so had a crush on Cat.
Not that she did notice, she was much too shallow.
I mean, I love her, but there was no way to deny that she wasn't the deepest when it came to all kind of subjects.
I sat down on the ground as I opened my notebook and went on my theSlap-page.
There weren't any news for me.
Just two people I had never heard of that wanted to be my friends.
I quickly declined them.
"No and bye!", I mumbled as I then turned off my computer again and looked up to Robbie and Cat again still obviously discussing about Robbie's whatever-play.
"Could you help me later to find some people that can audition for my play. Nobody's gonna come on my request for sure.", Robbie asked her now and I smirked slightly.
At least something went the way it should. Robbie got ignored and humiliated by his own puppet, as Rex then already started to talk.
"Oh, what a wonder you at least still get ignored and nothing worse.", Rex joked.
Cat just giggled and nodded towards Robbie implying she was going to help him.
"Hey, what about Jadey?", she then suddenly asked and leaned down to me.
I rolled my eyes.
"No, Cat. I already told you I wouldn't act in Robbie's stupid play!", I hissed.
"Come on, Jade. That'll be fun.", now also Robbie started to convince me.
"I said no. And when I say no, I mean no!", I screamed suddenly standing up and pointing a pair of my scissors I'd put in my jeans-pocket at them causing both of them to jump back while evryone around us had become insanely quiet.
I glared at every single one of them before letting my scissors slide into my pocket again.
"Get the fuck back to talking.", I swore.
Finally Sikowitz arrived, untypically late, and we all stumbled into his class. I sat dwon on my favorite chair right next to Cat's who – oh wonder! – was still talking to Robbie.
"So, okay!", Sikowitz rasped and faltered then briefly before pulling out a coconut from his bag and starting to drink its milk.
Involuntarily I wondered if he already was getting visions, but seriously I didn't care.
I slightly turned my head around just to see Tori sitting next to Beck and Andre shooting them an angry glance.
Since the whole kissy-thing the two of them had become much closer than before and even though Tori had rejected him kissing her it still felt like she literally rammed a dozens of kinves right into my chest, enjoying every minute of it.
Much to my and Andre's dismay.
He'd always been Tori's best friend and now suddenly she'd replaced him with Beck.
"Who wants to do another improv-scene?" Sikowitz clapped and everybody stayed quiet.
"You don't really have a choice.", he said before clapping once more. "Today I wanna practise something emotional with you. Literally…-" He faltered and I frowned.
What did he mean by 'emotional'?
"Could we have more details?", I heard Tori's annoying voice coming from behind me.
I automatically turned around and shot her an obnonxious glare with which Tori immediately turned pale.
I smiled pleased, job done!
Sikowitz grinned.
"I'm gonna choose four students and those are gonna have to act one special emotion in kind every sentence they say. But the sentence should also fit their charcter they play. If you break charcter you're out. Got it?"
Everyone except for Cat nodded.
"Robbie, please explain it to her.", Sikowitz almost begged before turning around to us again.
"So, who wants to join my little group?", he asked, obviously still thrilled of his phanomenal idea.
Immediately Tori raised her hand and I rolled my eyes.
Sikowitz smiled.
"Fine. Toro, you get to choose three more students."
"Okay, I'll take…", Tori said ignoring Sikowitz calling her Toro once again. "Andre.."
Andre, apparently more than reliefed that he was the first to be picked by her, immediately got up and walked to the stage.
Tori briefly smiled at him.
"Beck."
The boy who had taken my heart with him stood up and followed Andre onto the stage, like always stroking his black hair.
I resisted the sudden urge to walk over to him and simply run my fingers through his georgeous hair.
"And…", Tori hesitated, her gaze wandering over evrey single human being in this room, even Sikowitz. "And Jade.", she finally said, smiling slightly.
I didn't say anything, as I walked up to the two boys, Tori following me.
"So, alright. Any suggestions for them to take which emotion?" Sikowitz asked casually and turned his face back to the rest of the class sittiing there with emotionless masecerades.
Well, everyone but Cat seemed emotionless.
A blonde girl which name was I think Jessie raised her arm.
"Yes?", Sikowitz asked.
"I've got one for Beck.", she said and I suddenly felt the urgent need to stab her with something very painful.
That slut was surely gonna do …
"Romantic.", she said and I couldn't help but imagine how akwardly Beck would be trying to act a romantic person.
Anyway: Yeah, definitley a slut.
Sikowitz, however, shook his head – much to Beck's relief.
"I don't think that's any remarkable emotion that you can use in almost every situation.", he explained and slut Jessie looked to the ground, clearly disappointed.
"Any other suggestions?", he demanded.
Sevreal other girls' hands were raised.
"Well, I got a good one.", I spoke and suddenly everything turned quiet.
I turned and looked up to Beck who lifted an eyebrow sceptically.
"Well, then let's hear!", he said dryly.
"What about emotionless?"; I asked, sounding as innocent as I was capable of.
Beck moaned and then folded his arms over his chect.
"What about jealous for you?", he replied.
Immediately I could feel the tears standing in my eyes.
"What about jerky for you?", I shot back, determined to ignore the annoying tears in my eyes.
"Yeah, what about a complete I-don't-care-attitude?"
"Maybe. At least I have an attitude!"
"Apparently. Congrats.", he whizzed bitterly.
Meanwhile everyone was starring at us, Tori trying to interrupt us.
"Hey, guys. Maybe you should.."
"Shut up!", we both yelled at the same time, me feeling a slight bit of satisfaction going through my body since he had just rejected Tori Vega.
Indeed he seemed to completley forget everything around us.
"Just because we broke up, doesn't mean I'm emotionless.", he argued.
"Yes, it does. And just for you to keep it in mind: You broke up with me, pretty boy.", I fought back.
"I didn't mean to. Jade, really. Do we have to have that conversation again?"
I couldn't believe it.
Again? What did he mean by again?
"Are you kidding me? We almost never speak. When did we ever talk abou the break-up?", I asked, possibly a bit too hurt to deny the feeling with which I was enjoying this.
Even though I hated myself for that.
He didn't respond to that, just stood there wearing a big frown on his face.
And still I didn't want anything but kiss him right now.
"You know what? Forget about it.", I mumbled, but he shook his head.
"No.", he said.
"No?"
"No!"
Oh, okay. No, well, I liked no in this case.
"Err, guys. We wanna do the improv-sc…", Tori started once again, but directly stopped as I shot her a death-glare.
"Fuck off, Vega!", I screamed and she jumped back causing myself to nod satisfied.
Beck simply rolled his eyes, however.
"You know, maybe it's a good thing we broke up…", he started.
And that did it. Those small little words that broke my heart eventually, leaving it behind shattered in a million pieces.
One second no-one said a word, including me.
I just needed some time to realize my heart had just been broken when I though it was already completely destroyed.
Besides I had to fight with the fact he was telling me this right in front of the whole class, destroying my pride and pictorally leaving my lying on the ground.
I flipped back a black strand of hair and glance at him completley expressionless while I was desperatley gasping for air, needing to realize what he had just said.
I looked down at my black combat-boot, wandering up over my jeans to my black t-shirt.
He doesn't love you anymore, he kinda hates you, an annoying little voice finally explained to me.
And eventually I could move again.
In one second I looked at him, maybe I even saw a touch of rgret reflecting in his brown eyes, but that didn't matter.
The only thing I could feel now was my bleeding heart, slowly stopping beating.
And then I suddenly couldn't stand this anymore.
I pulled out my scissors, took another few steps to him and slapped him right into the face.
Not with the scissors, I couldn't hurt him more than that, even if I wanted to.
But with my other free hand, my strong right hand.
I knew he was stronger than me, but I also new that he hated violence and he'd never hurt me physically, no matter how much he hated me.
I didn't even take the time to see his reaction, when I turned around and stormed off the stage heading to the back door, glaring at everyone who was trying to stop me, sometimes even threatening him with my scissors.
I heard Tori, Cat and even Beck scream after me, telling me to come back, but I didn't care – at least not about the first two ones.
As I had already reached the door, I turned around once again looking at a completley confused and somewhat – hurt?; my broken heart beat a little higher as I thought of this, but I didn't allow myself to go any further than this – Beck.
"Just so you know, Oliver. I hate you.", I snapped.
Liar!, I thought at the same time.
"Jade-", he started, sounding kinda appalled, as he slowly stepped off the stage and headed right towards me.
I hold my scissors up high, knwoing this wouldn't really help me, since he totally wasn't scared of me.
"Jade-", he said once again, but I just shook my head causing my long, black hair wafting around my head like fire – black fire.
I liked that idea.
"Fuck off, Oliver.", I yelled, as he had almost almost reached me and he immediately stopped. "Just fuck off, you son of a bitch.", I then whispered again – this time more quietly than before, so that it was barely audible for anyone but him.
And with that I unfalteringly opened the door, stepped out in the hallway and shut it close behind me with such a dtermined grip that I was sure to hear a few students gasp in horror.
Then I turned sround and made my way out of this fucking building, avoiding everyone's gaze.
Nobody was ever gonna see Jade West cry, especially not over a boy or more especially over Beck Oliver!
First I didn't really know where to go now. Sure, there were a million ideas that flashed through my mind, but honestly every single one of them was worse than one other.
And turning back to class and looking in my ex's eyes being oh-so-relieved that we'd finally broken up and he could make a move on Tori or any other less complicated girl which kinda included everyone but me and Vega's fucking sister was definitley the worst of all.
She'd already started to ask him out and even though I knew he'd rejected her every time I couldn't help but hate her for trying to convince him making a move on her after shamelessly trying to support our break-up in front of all of Beck's friends.
No, turning back to class was definitley the worst of all ideas that had ever come into my mind. This was also one of the few situations where I regretted it never having saved my bff-friendship with Cat I once had used to have. After me and Beck had become a couple I somehow had started to ignore her, being meaner to her than I had been before and simply hadn't really cared about us being us anymore. So, this was another thing Vega had taken from me beside all those lead-roles briefly after she'd attented Hollywood-Arts and making my life a living hell.
But anyway: What should've I told Cat?
Remember I once told I'm completley over Beck and really don't care who or what kind of person he's dating now? Well, y'know, actually I lied. He still means the world to me and do you know this feeling when you're feeling like you're burning just because someone you love more than anything said something that, uh, y'know, somehow hurts you? Well, that's the exact way I feel about him.
Definitley not and Cat most likely wouldn't understand what Id try to tell her, anyway. All she'd do would be simply giggling her stupidly giggly laughing and drive me insane until I couldn't stand it anymore and finally turn home eithout having reached anything.
I also didn't dare to turn to Vega's out of fear Beck could be there and already be making out with her, even though I highly doubted it, but you never know what some special persons hide from you, right? Eventually they don't always have their web-cams turned on.
And I knew that.
Besides there were still about six lessons left that Tori had to stand today – and she probably wouldn't skip class, not in a million years. (Yeah, I knew her schedule, sue me!)
So, there was nothing left for me than to turn back home or just take a little walk around Los Angeles. I decided for the latter and slowly stepped out of Hollywood-Arts into the glimming sunlight of Hollywood. I truly hated this day.
First your ex you're still secretly in love with turns out to even be a bigger jerk than you actually thought he would be and then the suns smiles at you as soon as you try to flee from everything else, almost as if it laughs at you.
I groaned in horror and took another step deciding to simply ignore the irony that lay in those words. I walked for about half an hour until I'd finally reached what I'd been looking for the whole time.
My favorite coffe shop 'Holly's Hollywood-café.'
I must admit: I really hated that name, it sounded so happy and Jade West didn't do happy things, but anyways: At least I was gonna get some of my favorite coffee, even though there was absolutley nothing that'd be able to save the day.
I entered the coffee-shop, not withough throwing another angry glance at the big yellow sign that hung over the entrance, so bright that it almost seemed to shout at everyone around.
I shrugged before determined heading towards a tall, raven-haired woman standing behind the small counter which kinda semmed to include the obviously daily irony I'd lately had to find all over again.
I wasn't an ironic girl, no, I was much more of that, I was sarcastic.
The woman gave me a wide fake-smile before asking with an –over-high-pitched girly-voice.
"What do you want, Sweetie?"
I sceptically furrowed an eyebrow and quickly shot her a death-glance before snapping: "Coffee with two sugars?"
I was annoyed by myself making my order rather seem like a question than my usual command-like language.
Girly-girl behind the counter simply smiled as if she hadn't noticed anything and stubbornly went on to ask stupid questions like: "Takeaway?" to which I just nodded accompanied with a simple rolling of my eyes.
Finally she gave up.
"Wait a few minutes! You're soon gonna get your coffe."
"Might be good for you.", I groaned quietly, but loudly enough for her to understand my blunt threatening.
She didn't respond to that – just shot me a fearful glance which was playfully ignored by me.
I waited another three minutes as I got bored and pulled out my cell phone to see if I had got any text messages since being gone.
And, indeed, I had:
1 missed call from: Cat
I quickly declined her call and went on to look for the five text messaged I'd got.
5 new text messages
I frowned and looked up the first one that I'd got from – surprise, surprise! – Vega.
From: Miss Annoying Vega
To: Jade
Jade, where R U? And R U ok? We need 2 talk. Skwtz.'s asking 4 U to come back. Pleeeeeeassssseee! :(
I frowned and resisted to send a simple message containing the words: Shut it, Vega, and stop using this dumb smileys.
But instead I just went to open the second message, again from Miss Annoying Vega (yeah, this had actually costed me about three minutes to find a short and precise name for her, which, however, fitted my emotional annoyance anyway).
So: Here we go again!
From: Miss Annoying Vega
To: Jade
Jaaaaaaaaadddddeeeee! Pleaz, we need 2 talk now!
;) ;) ;)
Come back!
Ugh, couldn't she ever let go of this stupid mood-smileys. I honestly couldn't stand them, especially not now when all I really wanted to do was just to bang my head in Mr. Jerk's stupid jerk-car, as he once had suggested.
However, I briefly rolled my eyes and opened the next text fom Cat.
From: Cat
To: Jadey
I moaned. Was it really that difficult to get into her stupidly red-dyed hair to stop calling me 'Jadey'? I really, really, really hated this – which brought me to the idea soon to update another of my 'what-I-hate'-videos, just in case I then would still be alive, if I hadn't found that supid car.
Jadeeeeeyyy? Wherr r? I miss u. Won't u come back or dontcha like me? My brother 1ce went 2 a girl trying to impress her with cutting his finger tips, but she obvsly. didn't like him. Just like that.
Pleazzze, comey backy, 'kay?
Cat
I shook my head in disbelief about Cat still telling abour her brother, even when she's starting to worry about people she likes what almost always includes everyone unlike me.
I sighed. The next one was also from Cat.
From: Cat
To: Jadey
Pleaze, come back. We all miss ya. Doya know why a man should fix his underpants in front of his class. Cuz that's sikowitz doin' now. Didn't even know hes wearing underpants.
Iimmediately I closed my eyes trying to expel the disgusting image of Sikowitz fixing his underpants right in front of the class which full of sudden occurred to me.
I tried not to ever think about it again and finally opened the last text message on my phone.
From: Cat
To: Jadey
Hehe, imma unknown person whichll seek you. Imma uncicorn. Bet uve no idea who im.
Yeah, that was Cat. Trying to confuse me but forgetting to shut out her number.
No message from Beck.
I shouldn't have been disappointed and honestly I tried everything to fight the sudden rush of despair vibing through my body and causing myself to gasp for air. Girly-girl who'd obviously suddenly remebered that I still was waiting for my coffe hesitantly turned back with her hand tightly holding my cup of coffee.
"Everything okay?", she asked slowly, akwardly gazing around us.
I nodded harshly.
"Yes, thanks.", I replied bluntly.
She immediately jumped back, her hand still holding onto my coffee.
"Could I please now get my coffee?"I said, my gaze calmly studying her tensed body position.
"And get your money.", I snapped as she already had turned away and was just about to walk away.
She nodded hastily and handed my coffee over to me before taking the few dollars I pressed into her hand and walking away.
I briefly followed her way, then I turned around and stepped out into the sticky Californian air.
Man, I really hated that day.
I tried not to think of the dozens text messages from Cat and Tori but not one from Beck.
It really shouldn't bother me. I mean, we'd broken up about half a year ago, why should I care if he was or wasn't thinking of me?
But then there was still this little part, the smallest, honest part which once had used to be the biggest one, the little part that knew the truth about me caring what he did about our non-existing new-born friendship.
That honest part knew the real reason why I still cared about his doings: Because I was stupid.
Stupidly in love – still – and I honestly had no idea what to do about that, if I'd ever do.
I didn't know anything to do, so I just sat down on one of the few park benchs and started to stare around the area I was sitting in. There were a bunch of people, mostly adults taking a walk with their kids or dogs and enjoying the bright sun shining on the rough, ever-green grass-floor of the park. I didn't care.
Much too soon I'd drunk my coffee and sighing I threw it into the trash-can that stood right next to my bench before pulling out my scissors and slowly boring them into the robust material of my jeans. I wasn't willing to let go of them before they hadn't cut some small, asymmetric holes into them. As I'd also finished this I finally got up letting my scissors slide back into my pocket, turning around and almost bumping into a brown-haired guy playing with a small, evacuated ball.
"Ouch!", I screamed, loud enough for nearly everyone in the park to turn around to me and look at me silently.
The boy in front of me quickly jumped back giving me an innocent look with his big brown eyes.
"I'm sorry.", he murmured, but I ignored it determined.
I must confess: He was pretty attractive.
Tall, with short dark-brown hair and the same-colored eyes, wearing a pair of dark-blue ripped-out-jeans and a simple purple t-shirt. Tori surely would've immediately fallen head over heels for him. But I wasn't Tori Vega and he, well, he wasn't Beck Oliver, so he'd clearly only be a waste of time to talk to.
I sighed and then shot him a quick death-glare before snapping at him once more.
"Watch where you go!"
He looked at me, perhaps amazed, maybe just confused with my dirty attitude. However: I didn't care. Then he suddenly smiled at me which definitley freaked me more out than him starring at me in amazement.
"But you were the one who turned around without watching where you go.", he said softly and looked again at me with that kind of a smile as if I was the dumbest thing that had ever happened to him in his whole life – which made me pretty angry.
I wasn't any dumb girl he could talk to just like he found it good, I wasn't Cat, damn it!
So I sceptically rose an eyebrow and hissed:
"Maybe the next time I'll turn around a little bit faster so I hopefully will trample on you before you can jump back."
He didn't respond to that, just stared into my eyes which also kinda freaked me out – he couldn't just stare at me like I was something – something holy.
But anyways I returned his gaze, at least just as intesively.
Suddenly he stopped looking at me and burst out into laughter, almost annoying the shit out of me. What was up with him now?
"What's so funny, Loser?", I asked demanding – trying to hide any curiousity that came with it.
To respond he simply shook his head still giggling uncontrollably.
"You're tough.", he finally concluded his unreasoned outburst.
As he then didn't give any more details, I shrugged.
"Okay."
He nodded exasperated, the tears still standing in his eyes.
"I've never met one girl like you.", he told me causing me almost to blush, but I somehow managed it to keep cool.
"We barely know each other.", I replied, aghast with which self-confidence he said so.
"Yeah, I know."
Okay, this eventually totally freaked me out.
"You know you're one special person?", he said.
"Yeah, sure. I've been told so like kinda every second a hundred times. There frankly is no-one that doesn't admire me.", I answered sarcastically rolling my eyes.
Finally he gave up trying to convince me to laugh about a joke I still hadn't got and stretched out his hand.
"I'm Taylor.", he introduced himself.
"I couldn't care less.", was the only thing I brought up to that.
"And what's your name?", he then asked without taking his hand back I definitley wasn't willing to shake.
"I seriously don't care.", I muttered coolly, not knowing if this sounded childish, but I seriously didn't care implying I was just telling the truth.
"Cool name.", he joked.
"Yeah, whatever."
Then we fell back to staying silent once again.
"So, I-seriously-don't-care truly doesn't have a name..?", he tried once again.
I really have no idea why he cared so much about that.
"I see no reason in telling you. And I'd really love to go now and you'd better let me, just in case you don't wanna be stabbed with me scissors.", I said once more pulling my scissors out of my jeans-pocket and pointing them at the spot where his oh-so-great chest was supposed to be.
Tori surely would've fainted by now and Robbie would already be dead.
And indeed, Taylor jumped back and let me pass by, but not without whispering a brief: "Bye then – hopefully.", then chuckling slightly and turning away from me.
I gave him another odd gaze before finally turning back on the sidewalk and making my way through the crowded city to one girl's house. No matter how much I'd loose my pride now, I just needed to see she wasn't lying to me about the only boy that wasn't scared of me. I just needed to see if everything was okay.
So, yeah. What do you think? Love it, hate it? Please tell me what you think!
:)