Oh goodness. It's been a little while I know and I apologize sincerely. I still haven't gotten the new KH game though. I was at Target and it was there and there was only a thin sheet of glass separating it from me. ;-; I hate not having money. Stupid life.

All of a sudden, there was nothing. Axel felt empty. He had never felt like this before. Never. He had never felt as if nothing mattered, as if he was filled with air. Honestly, he had never paid attention when he felt filled, but now that the filled feeling was gone, he noticed. The redhead could vaguely remember what it felt like to be full, of what exactly, he wasn't sure. Something strikingly resembling hope and love and all of that other sparkly kindergarten crap they fill you with, but now it had been taken away from him. He didn't know how to get it back either. Axel sighed as he clicked the button under his thumb, watching the television flicker as the channel switched. Marluxia sat quietly on the other end of the sofa. Last night, as soon as Axel had left Roxas', he knew exactly where he needed to be. Not at his house or his brother's or anywhere else; it was as if his car steered itself straight for his best friends house. Marluxia. The one who had been there through everything and this was where he needed to be the most. He sighed again.

"Want something to eat?" Marly asked with a perturbed expression, lightly tapping his fingers rhythmically on the arm of the sofa. Axel merely shook his head. Last night wasn't a complete blur to the pink haired man but it was slightly unfocused, as if the lens of his memories needed to be readjusted. He had fallen asleep on the sofa, simply, silently weeping at his own loss and everyone else's loss of Demyx. The blonde was a constant reminder of how nice life could actually be, how people actually could be happy and now? Now that reminder was laying cold on a metal table, tagged like a christmas present, covered in tarp and full of intoxications. His eyes had fallen heavily and he felt his body go limp, and for a second before he passed out, he wondered if that was what Demyx felt. But almost simultaneously, at least seemingly so, he heard the door knock and groggily waked over and opened it cautiously, always weary of the world, particularly tonight. It was Axel. A disoriented redhead, downcast eyes nervously flicking from side to side, his arms entwined together, fingers tightening into the leather jacket that was falling apart. "You're sure?"

"I don't want anything Marl." Axel insisted and flicked the channel again. Axel however could completely remember the night. He remembered pacing quickly down the hall, trying not to let his feet tread too heavily, not wanting to disturb others. The sleepy eyed man answered the door with a yawn but Axel couldn't bear to look in his eyes. Marluxia just stepped to the side, letting the other man through and straight to the couch. Axel sat there all night, quietly flipping through channels and letting Marluxia sleep beside him, and when he awoke in the morning, he went about his business silently, eventually joining the redhead back on the sofa.

"Ok ok. But ya gotta eat some time."

"Complete lies." Marluxia couldn't help but smirk. Even through something like this, Axel couldn't contain his smart ass remarks, his sarcastic tone.

"Whatever you say. But I'm starving. And I'm gonna go get a burrito." Axel's ears perked slightly. Marl grinned. "You're sure you don't wanna go?"

"Well..." The redhead looked up and half smiled sheepishly. "I do have to eat right?"

~0~

As their hands clenched around their food, trying to keep everything inside the flour wrapping, everything inside their heads, they stole uncomfortable glances at each other, not wanting to say what needed to be said. But eventually, Marluxia sighed and put his own burrito down.

"We should talk about it." Axel shook his head like a child and took another huge bite of his food, stuffing his mouth to the brim, giving himself what he hoped would be a legitimate excuse to keep his mouth shut. "That's not gonna work Axel. Swallow." The redhead nearly choked, trying to hold back a laugh, and painfully swallowed down everything in his mouth. Marl rolled his eyes good naturedly with a small grin. Another thing Axel apparently couldn't contain was his extremely immature sense of humor.

"There's nothing to talk about." Axel shrugged and wiped his mouth, leaning back in his seat.

"Um well, you just spent about the last ten hours mindlessly sitting in front of my TV, changing the channel and not saying anything. And you can't go that long without talking to I'm sure you can think of something you wish to utter."

"Why do you have to speak so colloquially?"

"I don't speak colloquially. Colloquially means ordinary conversation and honey, we both know I am anything but ordinary."

"Whatever. It sounds like it should mean fancy."

"You're trying to get off topic and when normally, I'd be more than willing to talk about all the reasons I'm better than everyone else, I think we need to talk about something more important."

"What could be more important than you Marly?" Axel asked with a smirk and again, Marluxia rolled his eyes.

"Again. Not gonna work." Now the bright green eyes lolled back and a solid sigh was let loose from Axel's lungs. "Just say something about it! Anything. It'll help I promise."

"Ok fine! You wanna know what? I didn't even know he was on drugs! I didn't even know he was on anything heavier than weed! And I should've known! So what was it?! Did she tell you? Coke? Meth? What the fuck was it?!" The redhead hissed, leaning across the table and Marl watched him with sad eyes.

"Axel he wasn't on hardcore drugs and you know it."

"Then...what..."

"It was his meds. He ODed on his happy pills." Axel sat back in his seat, his eyes slowly narrowing, his brow wrinkling in thought.

"But he knew how much..." His eyes widened and he felt a new wave of nausea hit him. "He did it on purpose." Marluxia could only watch his friend suffer through this, completely unaware of what he could do. "He killed himself."

"Axel, I'm sorry. I thought you got that. Otherwise, I would've--"

"He killed himself. But he was so...he was Demyx. Demyx wouldn't do that." Axel could only watch the table, it was the only steady thing, he was absolutely sure the rest of the world was infinitely spinning around him, keeping him nauseous and moving. "Why would he...do that?"

"They don't know. There wasn't a note or anything."

"I mean...I knew he was sad sometimes. I knew he was on the medication but I didn't know it was so serious. I didn't know..." And then it hit him. He gripped his thighs, holding back his gag, ignoring the stinging tears in his eyes. "It was me. Oh my god it was my fault."

"Axel, it wasn't--"

"Oh god."

"Axel, I know this is a really bad time but do you know how vain you sound right now?"

"What?" The redhead looked up in shock for a second.

"To think that someone would take their life over you is a little arrogant. And especially Demyx? You know he wouldn't have done that. There had to have been something seriously wrong. He must've been a lot more fucked up than you or I thought. This isn't anyone's fault." Axel just nodded.

"Ok I think it was just the shock. I think I'm ok now. I don't think I'm gonna blame myself anymore." Axel slowly unclenched his legs, laying his hands on the table.

"Ok sweetie. Good idea." Marluxia gently patted his hand and looked around the empty restaurant. "You're lucky no one saw that. They would've thought you were crazy."

"Yea. They would have been majorly off." Axel replied with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes roughly.

*sigh* There we go. I hope this was adequate. =T