Disclaimer: Drinking is bad. Blah, blah, blah. Don't do it. Yada, yada, yada.

Leah has had a bad couple of days so she decides that maybe a little alcohol would ease her pain...

It doesn't.

Outtake Number 3:

"Shut the hell up brain before I pound you with Tequila"

Two days after Jacob and I had gotten tipsy and stolen a lawnmower we were sitting around and bitching about our lives. Actually, I was sitting there listen to him whine about his life. I think he probably would have been happier alone, but I didn't have anywhere else to be. I'd snuck out of the house. I'm sure my mother would be pissed when she pried her way into my room only to find out that I wasn't moping in bed like she thought I was.

"I know what you're going through." That was probably the most generic thing I could say.

Jacob frowned at me and replied sarcastically, "Oh, really?"

Truth was, I did. I knew all too well how he was feeling. Sharing his thoughts was more depressing than having an all-day marathon of watching tearjerker movies with my mother.

"How could you possibly know what I'm going through?" he snarled.

Well, for one thing we shared the same thoughts. When he hurt, I hurt. I was used to hurting so it wasn't that big of a deal. But I could also relate to the situation...loving someone you could never have. Giving your heart to someone and never getting it back.

"Jake, I am you." I paused. "Only I actually have balls…"

"Why are you here, Leah?" Jacob complained about my presence.

I was used to not being wanted. Hell, my boyfriend left me for my cousin and now I was going to an engagement party for them this afternoon. That's why I was sitting here with Jacob. I was stalling. Because I didn't feel like dealing with Sam and Emily's love.

"Because…" I wasn't going to share the real reason with him, "...I've got nothing better to do."

Jacob heaved a sigh, "This blows." He frowned. "I used to think you were a bitch for no reason."

"Gee, thanks." I wasn't sure what to make of that comment.

"But I get what you're so pissed about now. I mean, she chose him? Really? Why? What does he have that I don't?" He was whining about Bella and Edward again.

"I dunno. Pale skin?" I guessed.

Jacob glared at me.

I wouldn't lie. The situation did suck for him. He'd been there for Bella in her darkest time only to be completely abandoned by her when her worthless vampire lover returned. She basically just used Jacob and then tossed him aside.

"It really pisses me off, because vampires shouldn't get to have better lives than we do. But they get to have their stupid happy ending. I've spent my entire life just trying to be a good person. I showed love to her that I never got back. I was there. I never abandoned her. The vampire did. I'm the good guy here but the leech is the one that got the happy ending? In what world is it fair that the bad guys get their happy ending while the only one who actually deserves to be happy is alone and in agonizing pain?"

"The real world." It had happened to me, too. I wasn't the perfect person. I never claimed to be a saint, but I had a good heart. And it had been repeatedly stomped on. Jacob was right. This wasn't fair. Why did the murderous blood-drinkers get to be happy?

I huffed. This was stupid. We were sitting here at the edge of a cliff moaning about how unfair our lives were.

"Jacob, do you think this is going to take much longer?"

I was getting impatient. I don't know why. It's not like I had anywhere else to be. I sure as hell wasn't looking forward to Emily's bridal shower today.

"Jump off a cliff, Leah," he snarled hatefully at me.

Fuck you, too, asshole. I managed not to say that out loud.

I knew he was hurting. Despite how much the kid annoyed me, I couldn't help but sympathize. I could feel his pain. I knew how much it hurt to have someone you love leave you.

"I feel for you, kid. I really do. You have no idea how hard this is for me." I hated to see him in the same pain that I was in. It flat out sucked.

He scoffed, "For you?" It was then that I realized that my words had come out wrong. Of course they had. I was a fucking moron sometimes. I didn't mean to make Jacob feel like I was trying to make this about me. I wasn't. But he took it that way anyway. "You've got to be the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I hate to shatter the dream world you live in, but the sun doesn't orbit around you. I don't care about your problems. Go. Away."

I tried not to let him see that that kind of stung me. Maybe if I could get him to understand where I was coming from he'd stop being such a baby. He glared at me. It reminded me of the way that Sam used to look at me when we were fighting.

I tried not to let Jacob get to me as I explained why I couldn't stand seeing him this way. I really felt for him, whether or not my thoughts showed it.

"Hell, I don't even like Bella Swan and you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm fucking in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing to me?" I cringed when I thought about the dream that I'd had last night in which Bella and I had shared a kiss. I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. "I dreamed about kissing her last night. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

"Make a low budget adult film out of it."

Jacob obviously didn't care. I had to get the mutt to feel something other than pain. I didn't like to see him hurting. I'd rather see him pissed. I grinned to myself with an evil plan.

"You know, the leech will probably just kill her anyway. All the stories say that happens more often than not." I would love to go to Bella's funeral. I'd skip right up to her casket and laugh at the whiny whore, Ha, ha. You're dead. "Maybe a funeral would be better closure than a wedding."

I saw Jacob tremble in anger. Good, my plan was working. As long as he was pissed at me he wasn't hurting over Bella. At least, for the moment. I didn't mind being the scapegoat. Hell, people expected it from me. And I was a bitch. I glanced at Jacob's trembling hands.

Come on, Jake, stay pissed. Anger works better to your advantage, I thought to myself.

He snapped his head around at me and snarled, "You know, if you're upset about gender confusion, Leah, how do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes?" Shit. Well, I'd dug my own grave here. I guess Jacob was going to play dirty today. He was going to hit below the belt. "It's bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too."

I knew it was coming, but it still hurt when he said it. Anything regarding Sam and Emily was always going to be painful for me. I angrily thought about this stupid engagement party-slash-bridal-shower I had to go to today. It was going to suck. My vision turned red. Damn it. Jacob had won this round. I had to get out of here. I was getting ready to phase. I saw Jacob grinning to himself.

Yeah, keep smiling, you goddamn asshole. Just you wait until Edward and Bella walk down the aisle.

I spit at Jacob as I tore past him.

"You missed." Jacob laughed.

After running my anger off I had to go straight home. Mom had ordered Seth to find me so we could go to Sam and Emily's house. I didn't say much on the way over. As all of the other women chatted happily about garters and shit I just sat around uncomfortably. Occasionally, Emily would ask me my opinion on a dress in a magazine.

"What do you think of this one?" The question got old after a while.

"Fine." Ugly.

"This one?"

"Nice." It sucks.

"Oh, how about this one?"

"Cool." It blows.

"Check out the ruffles on that one…"

"Yeah." Fuck it. I don't care.

About halfway through the party I feigned having a headache and told the girls I needed to go home. Everyone bought it. Except, of course, mom. But she didn't say anything. She just glared at me. She could yell at me later.

On my way home I was fortunate enough to stumble across a party being thrown by some guy who had lots of alcohol. My day had been really crappy. Cutting loose by downing a few shots wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

"You want a beer?" A handsome guy offered me some piss-water.

I grinned at him. "Got any liquor?"

He smiled back at me.

"Ah, a real woman. I like it." He put his beer down. I followed him to the harder stuff. The rest was ancient history.

I'm not sure what I was drinking after a while. Someone would just hand me a shot and I'd knock it down with no problem. We gathered on the front porch to discuss our troubles.

"You see what I'm saying here? It doesn't matter what you do in life. Because life is shit, my friends. You should get used to it. You work and you work at building friendships and relationships only to be sorely disappointed when they don't work out. Life just sucks." I didn't know who the hell I was talking to. Some terrified sixteen-year-old was staring at me like I'd lost my mind.

I'm not even sure whose party this was. I just knew that I wanted to get completely and utterly plastered. I'd had a shitty day. I looked around. The group of teenagers that shouldn't have been drinking in the first place had grown silent. Their eyes were on me.

"What the hell are you looking at you little Emo brat?" I questioned the angry kid dressed in all black sitting next to me. He continued to stare at me without saying anything. "What's the matter? Did you get depressed and slice your tongue off or something?" I laughed and pushed the kid playfully to let him know that I was just messing with him. "Ah, I'm just screwing with you, kid. Hey, how about another round of Tequila?"

"Dude, I think she's had enough," the emo kid whispered to his friend.

"Hey, I'll tell you when I've had enough!" I snarled at the kid.

What the hell did he know? He didn't look a day past fifteen. It was punks like him that reminded me how great of a little brother I really did have. Seth pretty much stayed out of trouble. Not like this rotten little brat. What the hell was I doing hanging out here? I decided that it was probably time to go.

"Hey, screw you. I'm calling the cops to break this little kiddie parade up." I laughed as I stumbled off the porch.

As I made my way away from the house I realized that the sun had set.

"Wow, when did the moon come out?" I stared drunkenly at the sky. I started to get motion sickness watching all the stars twirling around in my half-baked mind. It was kind of trippy.

There was a low howl that came from the west. It sounded like Embry. Damn, I forgot that I was supposed to switch off running perimeters with him tonight. I jogged towards the woods where I could phase without being seen by the group of kids. This would be interesting. I had never tried to phase when I was drunk before. I nearly ran into a tree as I stripped out of my shirt. I tossed my clothes on the ground. I had forgotten a bungee cord to tie my outfit to my ankle.

"Ah, who cares? The entire pack has seen me naked before, anyway." I threw my pants on the ground.

As I let the rush of heat overcome me my legs stumbled beneath me. Now instead of running drunk on two legs...I was running on four. Fan-freaking-tastic.

About time, Embry grumbled. You were supposed to take over an hour ago.

It didn't take me long to bust my ass. I tripped over my feet and landed nose first in a pile of dirt.

God damn mother fucking son of a British whore, I grumbled to myself. I stood up and shook it off. I had to play it cool. I'm sure the buzz would wear off shortly.

Geeze, Leah, why don't you add a little more profanity in there? Embry asked sarcastically.

I like profanity. It helps to convey that I'm…uh…that word…the opposite of happy? All the alcohol was really starting to affect my brain.

Sad? Embry guessed. He still hadn't caught on to the fact that my blood-alcohol level was probably at like .15 right now.

No… I snorted out laughter. What the hell would I have to be sad about? I mean, it's not like I have to watch the man of my dreams get married to one of my best friends... Even though I knew that statement should make me feel incredibly heartbroken I couldn't stop the manic laughing in my head.

You're drunk. He finally caught on to what was going on.

I laughed.

Shut up. YOU'RE drunk. I continued to snort out laughter. That didn't even make any sense. Eh, who cares?

Normally I wasn't one to indulge in underage drinking but I'd had a tough week. It started out with the six month anniversary of the death of my father. Having to relive the day that he died was always hard for me. Then Jacob freaked out and acted like an ass. And after that I had to sit through that damn engagement party for Emily and Sam. I'd spent the entire party doing my best not to shove the knitting needles my mother had bought for Emily into my head. Add in the fact that two days ago I had found out that I hadn't gotten a job I had been counting on out in Seattle. That was supposed to be my ticket out of this hellhole. This was just a really bad day for me.

You're lucky Sam isn't running tonight. He'd be pissed.

Yeah, well, Sam deserves to be pissed for walking out on someone as good as me. He doesn't even know what he's missing out on. I slurred my speech.

You can't patrol like this. Embry frowned. Go home, Leah. I'll cover for you.

Aw, thanks, Embry. You're a pal. My best friend. I love you, man. I paused to think about the words that had just come out of my mouth, You're right, I AM drunk. I snorted the laughter out through my nose again.

How much did you drink? Embry exclaimed.

A little bit. I…I didn't have a lot, though. I was so far gone that I didn't even realize that my words weren't making any sense. I was at that stage where nothing else mattered to me. I giggled. Bye, bye inhibitions.

Leah, go home and sleep it off.

Right. I nodded. But before I go I want to tell you something…

What?

Uh… Okay, my brain completely failed me. I had no clue what I was going to ask Embry. Something to do with Jacob? No, that wasn't it. Crap. Uh, I seem to have forgotten…

Forgotten what?

I laughed. Everything.

You're going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow.

I ran as a wolf for about another half a mile and then decided I should probably phase back. Embry and Jacob were the only two running tonight. Jacob had taken off. I wasn't surprised that he finally decided to run away. Hell, if I knew what was good for me I'd run away, too. Jacob was trying very hard not to think of anything other than wolf thoughts. Embry was sad that his best friend was running off. It made me sad and it killed my buzz. Listening to Embry's thoughts, even though he was quietly thinking them, was louder than hell and it was giving me a headache.

When I phased back I looked around for my clothes. "Aw, man…" I noticed that the bungee cord was not around my ankle. That's right, I didn't have anything to change in to. Well, that was just my luck. What the hell had I done with my clothes? I squinted my eyes as I tried to think.

"Where did I leave my little clothes?" I looked around the woods. I tapped my lips as I thought and then let out a laugh. "Oh my God. I can't feel my lips." I giggled.

I heard a noise from behind me and spun around drunkenly. I peered past the trees and saw a barn down the hill from here. Maybe I could at least find something to cover myself with as I walked home from here.

Then I realized something.

"Wait a second. Where the hell am I?" I was so trashed that I hadn't even realized that I wasn't anywhere close to my house.

I shrugged as I quietly made my way down to the barn. It sounded pretty quiet inside. When I cracked open the door I saw someone moving around. Crap, guess ole Bubba was going to get a free peep-show from me tonight if I wasn't careful. Bubba seemed to be filling the water buckets.

I saw a towel and snatched it. This would work. Pulling the towel knocked some tools off of a shelf.

"Shit," I muttered quietly. Bubba boy spun around the barn, nervously looking for something out of the ordinary. I tried not to move. I just stayed hidden behind a big pile of hay.

"Alright, who's in here?" the man questioned. Now that I could see his face I realized that he wasn't the inbred ugly idiot that I'd assumed he was. He was actually very handsome.

I continued to stay still. The less I had to explain to someone the better. I could just imagine what it would look like to an outsider. Some drunk moron showing up in their barn babbling about werewolves and how her boyfriend left her to be with her cousin. What a sob story my life had become. I had to laugh at the shit-hole that was my world.

Crap. I had been laughing out loud. I heard footsteps coming towards me. Suddenly, they stopped. I perked up, wondering if maybe he had run away like a sissy. My curiosity got the better of me as I peered out from behind my hiding spot.

Big mistake.

There was a nozzle in my face. "What the hell!" I cried as the guy pulled the trigger and doused me with water.

"Hey! Stop it!" I exclaimed as I got a mouth full of water.

He immediately pulled back and I saw the confused expression wash across his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a burglar."

"What the hell would I be stealing? Oats?" I snapped.

Then I let out a laugh. It was kind of funny. He thought I was an intruder here to cause some kind of harm and he used a hose as a weapon? He was staring at me, dumbfounded.

"Why would you spray me with the hose if you thought I was a criminal?" Ha, if I was a criminal. Hell, I was a criminal.

"To stop you."

"Yeah, that might have worked if I was the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz." I rolled my eyes. I stood up and shook some water out of my hair.

"Can I help you with something?" he questioned.

No. I'm standing here naked in the middle of your barn just for the hell of it. I thought to myself sarcastically. He still stood staring at me like a dumbass. "You think maybe I could get some clothes or something?"

"Well, this is a barn." He frowned at me.

Yes. And the duck goes 'quack' and the cow goes 'moo.' Very good. Did he want a cookie for stating the obvious?

"There aren't any clothes in here." He looked around the barn stupidly.

"Uh huh." I nodded. "I see." I paused for a moment. "Do you think that maybe you might have some, oh, I don't know, possibly at your house?" There was a silly thought. Having articles of clothing in your place of residency.

He smiled and nodded. "I just might."

He started to lead the way out of his barn…that didn't have any clothes. I walked beside him awkwardly. The towel was starting to feel awfully small. But I was still drunk enough that I didn't really care who saw me naked. When we got close to the door I tripped over my feet again.

"Oh, are you okay?" he questioned.

I laughed hysterically as I pulled myself up on my hands and knees. "I'm fine. Been doing it all night." I chuckled.

Apparently he was concerned about me scraping my knees.

"Be careful."

"Oh, I'm on my hands and knees all the time," I snorted. "Okay, that came out wrong."

I heard the barn door open and glanced up to see a woman standing there staring at us with her mouth wide open. She looked crazed, and frankly, a little terrifying. Her hair was a complete rats-nest.

The man smiled calmly at her.

"Honey, I was just heading back to the house…"

It was obvious that this was his wife. She looked pissed. It was then that I realized what this must have looked like to her. I leaped to my feet and waved my hands around.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no! This is not what it looks like! See, I can explain…"

I racked my brain for an explanation that would make sense but the only thing I could think of was the image of me tripping and falling down at her husband's feet. I don't know why...but that was suddenly very funny to me. I couldn't help myself as I exploded into hysterical laughter.

"Um…see, well…" I wanted to smack myself in the head. God damn it, where the hell was my brain?

"You have ten seconds to start explaining," she snapped at me.

"He squirted me and then I got all wet…" Wow, nothing that I said tonight was coming out right.

"What?" she screamed.

"I mean...I needed help so I came in here because of your husband…" Jesus, what the hell was I thinking?

"You little whore!" Her face turned bright red.

"Who are you calling a whore you bitch?" Okay, so I had gone from "happy, giggly" drunk to "angry" drunk in record time. "Up yours, Elly May Clampett." I had to remember to thank my mom later for forcing me to watch "The Beverly Hillbillies" when I was growing up. "Don't you have a cousin you should be sleeping with?"

As soon as I spoke the words I realized that it was a probably a mistake. I glanced at her husband, who was just staring between the two of us stupidly. I took a moment to look at his facial features. He really was gorgeous. Too gorgeous to be with the whacked out woman standing in front of us.

"Just one question…" I faced the man. "What the hell is such a good looking guy doing with her?" I glanced at his wife.

Fury shot across her face. Jesus, I had a big fucking mouth. I should have learned by now that I should never drink.

"That's it." The woman grabbed something from the corner. I figured she was going to throw something at me. I nearly leaped out of my skin when I saw it was a rifle. She blasted a shot towards me and I felt the ringing in my ears as the bullet flew by and pierced a bucket of plant food next to me.

"Holy fuckballs. You just shot at me! Like…with a gun!"

The woman didn't say anything as she blasted the gun again.

"Oh, shit…" I dashed forward drunkenly. Even though I couldn't walk straight I somehow managed to get out of the barn without getting shot. The woman was in hot pursuit of me.

I tried to phase but my concentration was so off that I couldn't make the change. I stumbled forward into their cornfield as I heard another blast ring out behind me. Crap, how much ammo did that thing hold?

Another shot.

I couldn't help but be a moron. "Ha! Missed me!"

"Where the hell are you, you little cunt?" Wow, she had a mouth just like I did.

I slapped my hand over my mouth trying to contain the laughter that was building up in my chest. I giggled uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna get shot. Hee, hee, hee…"

I could hear the woman stalking me like I was some kind of animal. I had done enough laughing at the situation. It was time to haul ass and get the hell away from the crazy woman with the shotgun. She didn't look like she would mind going to prison for killing someone with a rifle.

I heard another blast from behind me as I tore through the field. The stalks were slicing my skin open but I wasn't paying any attention to that. I knew I would heal. There was another shot and it clipped my arm. I barely felt it. Between the alcohol and my adrenaline I couldn't feel a damn thing.

By the time I reached the end of her field I was covered in tiny cuts all over my body. I didn't care. I just kept running. I ran a good couple of miles before I finally slowed down.

My heart was racing. I closed my eyes tightly and squeezed them trying to keep my vision from swaying back and forth. I took a moment to survey the damage. The little cuts were healing up. I chuckled as I tried to count them.

"One cut, two cut. Red cut, blue cut." Wow, flashback to elementary school. Why the hell was I quoting Dr. Suess?

As I walked forward all I could think about now was Green Eggs and Ham. Damn that Dr. Suess. Now I was hungry.

"Hey..." I noticed a street sign. "I know where I'm at!" I was a few blocks away from Sam and Emily's place. And as much as I hated going there...that might be my only option.

I was dragging my feet as I walked towards their house. Most of the lights were out. The place looked empty. Maybe I would be lucky and no one would be there. Maybe the girls all took Emily out to get a lap-dance from a stripper or something. That would be a streak of very fortunate luck for me.

As I neared their house I noticed movement from inside. Damn, and here I thought I was going to get away with stealing some of Emily's clothes and getting home without anyone knowing about my run in with the crack-whore with a gun.

I looked inside and saw Sam coming out of the bathroom. I grabbed a blanket from a chair on his front porch and wrapped myself up so I wouldn't be completely exposed. Having his drunk ex-girlfriend show up naked on his porch is probably one of the last things he'd ever want to happen to him.

"Sam…" I whispered through the window. I saw him look up, confused. I called for him again and waved when he spotted me.

He was at the front door almost instantly. His jaw dropped in shock when he saw the condition I was in. I was wearing a drunk grin on my face.

"Leah?" he asked. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Some crazy bitch with a shotgun tried to kill me." I laughed.

He leaned forward. "I thought you were supposed to be out running tonight."

I had just told him that someone tried to kill me and he was lecturing me about stupid werewolf duties? What. An. Asshole.

"Embry's got it covered." I shrugged as I peeked in the house. "Is Emily home?"

I really didn't want my cousin to see me like this. Mostly because I'm sure she would give me the same lecture that I had given Jacob two days ago about how idiotic it was to try and drink your problems away. I was such a hypocrite.

"She went out with the girls." Ah ha! So they were getting her a stripper. "Is that alcohol that I smell?" Sam sniffed the air.

Busted. I was standing naked on his porch. How could alcohol not be involved? I rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

"So what if it is?" I questioned.

"Leah, have you been drinking?" Sam asked me again seriously. Okay, I was plastered and he was the one repeating himself?

"Not only have I been drinking, but I am drunk out of my mind." I giggled.

"Get in here." He pulled me inside his house. "God, you look like hell."

"You always know just what to say to make the girls swoon." I laughed caustically.

He sighed as he looked down at his feet and muttered, "Why do you do these things?"

"Why do you suck so much?"

"Go put some clothes on. I'll make you some coffee," he sighed.

As I walked down the hallway I saw all the cute little pictures that Emily and Sam had lined up going towards their bedroom. It was making me sick to my stomach. Well, either that, or the alcohol was starting to give me indigestion.

I thought about their upcoming wedding and cringed. This really sucked. I didn't want to be here in this house. In their house. Why had I come to Sam for help? Was I really that drunk? No. I decided I could get myself home. I peered back into the kitchen and saw that Sam was brewing a pot of coffee.

Ha, I would show him. Wait until he found out that I'd bailed on him leaving him with an unused pot of coffee.

God, that was pathetic. I wanted to do something malicious to him and all I could come up with was to laugh evilly at the fact that he wasted a pot of coffee?

I almost screwed up my escape as I tried to climb out through his bedroom window. Problem was...the screen was still in it. It took me a moment to figure out why I couldn't get outside. I laughed as I removed the screen and fell on my face climbing out. I didn't even care enough to replace the screen as I disappeared into the woods.

I cussed at myself for not grabbing a pair of clothes when I had been in the house. That had been the whole point of going to their house.

"God, I'm a stupid alcoholic."

After I had been walking for what felt like forever I sat down to rest. I leaned back in to a tree and looked at the stars through a small clearing above me. It really was beautiful out here. The alcohol had now relaxed me to the point where I felt like I could drift off to sleep at any moment…

I woke up the next morning butt naked in the middle of the woods. Embry was right. I had a hell of a hangover. I pushed myself off of the ground and spit some dirt out my mouth.

"Ugh, natural light. Get it off of me," I grumbled. Why the hell did it have to be sunny today of all days? Any other day of the week it would have been pouring down rain. Why couldn't it be overcast today?

Oh, right. Because I had the shittiest luck in the world. As I made my way home clutching my head and groaning about the beautiful day the only thing I could force myself to do was laugh at my luck. Because if I laughed at it...maybe I wouldn't kill anyone today.