A/N: Here comes the part this story is revolving around. Lisbon having enough of their usual patterns. It's a strange chapter the dialogue wrote itself and left me wondering what exactly was going on in my head...
Thank you very much to my 2 reviewers!
LiZhuoNIng II : Yeah it's very much like that episode, and I didn't like Jane's reaction in that one, but I figured he knew she wasn't hurt that bad... a blow to the head is a more serious thing than a hurt foot, right? my "fantasy Jane" is actually about to get treated quite bad, because I still don't consider him "nice" enough *g*
Chapter 2: Emotional Compass"Jane." she says tonelessly, when the door to her office opens and he ambles in with a pack of ice.
"Say it." he encourages, handing her the ice and standing in front of her desk expectantly.
She looks up at him, trying to figure out what that's supposed to mean, if he's expecting a lecture from her he can nod to, or a lecture he can defend himself against. He is probably expecting some kind of lecture, but she's tired of giving them and while she can't read what mood Jane is in, her own state of mind is even more of a mystery to her tonight. She couldn't even decide to sound annoyed when saying his name, she honestly doesn't know where to go from there.
"What?" she asks, tonelessly again, perhaps a bit of a sigh and some tiredness mixed in.
He lets his cheery facade drop a little looking more somber. Rounding her desk he sits on the edge of it, takes the ice he just handed her back and holds it to the bump on the back of her head.
"You should fire me", he suggests and again she isn't sure if he's taunting her because he knows she won't do it, or if he feels guilty and needs her reassurance now, or if he really expects her to fire him, or... the possibilities make her sight blur and her head pound even more, or maybe her concussion is worse than she thought.
"You know you're an egoistic prick", she states, deciding that's not a bad thing to start with, especially since she managed to sound quite emotionless again, not accusatory or anything... just putting it out there to consider it together, or is there some sarcasm left in her?
He nods, she doesn't look up at him, but gets his answer nonetheless. It's all part of his scheme she concludes and now she is getting angry a bit. Poor Jane, thinks of himself as a prick, makes her feel like she should give him a hug and reassure him, makes her feel like she can't be too tough, too truthful with him, because he's not in the state of mind to be criticized. She'll have to tend to all his emotional wounds, prep him up, heal him, before she can put her own problems up in the priority list and speak her mind to him about all the injustice he's done her.
She lets her arms drop out from under her head, lying flat on her desk, than lets her head follow, not too fast since her head is really spinning now. The ice resting on the back of her head follows in just the right tempo, never leaving her head, as if the hand attached to it fully anticipated the move and she considers strangling the hand-owner for it, but that really makes no sense whatsoever. She might need a psychic to explain her own motives there. So she just burrows her head in her arms and closes her eyes, keeps from sighing and concentrates on breathing.
"You know what?" now there's provocation and anger in her question as she mumbles in to her desk top.
"What?" he asks. Friendly, no reaction to her anger, no real emotion on his side, leaving it all up to her to decide if she wants to pick a fight with him.
"You say it!" she demands.
"What? ... fire myself?"
Maybe it's all her fault, she's reading to much into the neutral statements he gives her. Really she has her own issues, knows where they come from and still is sometimes totally helpless against them. He told her she can't fix him, he didn't ask her to do it and he didn't sound helpless at all when suggesting to fire himself, mildly curious and amused at the most, the tone he always goes for. Putting up his facade, but that's his decision and she doesn't have to read anything into it, doesn't have to suspect a broken heart and insecurities behind it, doesn't have to feel responsible for saving him. All her own fault and still she'd like to throw it at him and it's not like he doesn't throw things her way she doesn't deserve.
"You say whatever needs to be said. Stop deflecting. Stop leaving me to pick op the pieces and restore our relationship."
"So I probably should really fire myself."
"Oh suck it up. And don't put 'probably' and 'really' in the same sentence to suggest to me I have to stop what you just started."
"Very observant Lisbon. I actually didn't do that on purpose. I apologize."
She's fuming silently at his patronizing tone and how he did it again: saying practically nothing and leaving the court to her. She's stated it already, this is his mess to clean up, she bites her lip and stays silent, concentrating on the ice pack he's still holding to her head and counting the seconds until he stops waiting for her answer, he gives her more time than she anticipates and her eyes flutter open and close against her arm while she's counting.
"Lisbon?" he's sounding alarmed and she senses him shifting on the desk, bending down to look at her. "You've got a concussion, you should stay awake." She's kind of amused, secretly pleased at hearing some emotions from him and than again she's simultaneously questioning his honesty and if he's just faking his concern.
"I'm awake Jane. I told you to stop deflecting and now I'm waiting for you to talk."
The ice pack leaves her head and his figure looming over her straightens up again, he get's up from the desk, turns around her chair, nearly making her fall to the floor since she had her upper body resting against the desk.
"You need to get you're head checked." he states grabbing her shoulders and pulling her up.
She thinks she's giving him a dry chuckle but opening her eyes left her disoriented and she isn't sure if she managed to give him the snort she was aiming for, "That's you're answer?"
He gives her the time to steady herself after pulling her into a standing position, his hands still on her shoulders, bending his neck and crouching a bit to look into her turned down face.
"No, it isn't. I'll try to give you one later, ok? You really are the first person I've known to get more eloquent with a concussion. We'll get you to a hospital let them check your head."
There's an insult in what he just said, that much she is sure of and he's downright patronizing in the way he's leading her out of her office as if she weren't capable of walking by herself. "Bite me!" she states and then she puts all her concentration on walking and not getting more dizzy, and holding the nausea down.