It's All Coming Back

"Incredible," mused Alfie as I finished relaying my story.

"How horrible. Why can't Snow leave us alone?" Venia shook her head in disapproval.

"You were right," Alfie nodded toward Seneca.

I shot Seneca a look of curiosity. He had crossed his legs patiently throughout the duration of my retelling. He looked toward me now, his hand covering his mouth in concentration.

"Right about what?" I directed him.

"I had the suspicion that Snow was tailing you. Tailing all of us it seems."

"But why?" I vented, "I have no information for him since the hijacking. I couldn't recall anything after the procedure anyway."

Seneca stood and paced the room, his hands clasped tightly behind his back.

"Perhaps, he suspected we were a part of something much larger. An alliance of some sort."

The three of us sat stunned in silence. Seneca unclasped his hands and held them upright in front of him.

"It would make sense," he continued, "After all, he had a queer reaction for a one-time issue. Perhaps he has feared a rebellion since the beginning. The Hunger Games does not sit well with the districts. It would be natural for those with nothing to lose to rebel. Those without anything have the greatest advantage. Those with nothing have everything."

"How do you mean?" I spoke quietly.

He humored me and crossed closer.

"When you have nothing to lose, things like regrets-doubts, insecurities, or risks-they become meaningless. One who has nothing can lose nothing they care about, because those things are already gone. The families and friends of those pulled into the Games care not for themselves; they care for those who are gone. Every time their loved one's face appears, nothing else matters. The simplest form of destruction is breaking someone down from the inside out. As a Gamemaker you learn these things."

Again no one could speak. Seneca appeared flustered and out of breath. His eyes looked dark, intense with the fury he felt.

"You're scaring me," Venia shifted uncomfortably.

"Calm down," I suggested mildly.

Seneca grew angrier. He practically jumped over the couch to seize me by the shoulders. I was taken aback by his gesture, the force he utilized as his hands gripped my biceps tightly. Alfie started forward instinctively but paused. I questioned Seneca and his grip slackened. Instead of letting go though, he inched his face closer to mine.

"Don't you see what's happening? He's tracking us. He's tracking us through you, Effie," he said.

"What? That's impossible," I dismissed his idea.

Seneca kicked over the coffee table that sat in front of me. I slid back in fear, and Alfie rose to his feet. Seneca raised his hands defensively and balled them into fists.

"It's happening. We can't have you around here. We can't have you at Games school," Seneca yelled out.

"If I leave, he will definitely know something is up!" I yelled back, rising to his level.

He backed off then, as I stood. He was not trying to be physically imposing I gathered. I could feel heat radiating from him, so I kept my distance. His words, however, were offending.

"So what are we going to do?" Venia whispered.

"I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to lose you again," I looked toward Seneca, "Any of you."

He simply stared back, still very angry. It was clear that thoughts invaded his mind. Bad thoughts that wanted me gone. Seneca chewed on his cheek for a minute, and then made up his mind.

"Fine. Stay here and see what comes of it. But I refuse to be a part of it again," he spat as he exited the house.

Watching him go, I felt my breath quicken and my heart stop. I chased after him, leaving Alfie and Venia stunned on their couch. I followed his retreating form outside the house. He threw open his door and started to get in.

"What's your problem?" I screamed at him from the edifice.

"I refuse to answer any of your questions. I will not have you slandering everything I have worked for. Everything that your brother and my sister have built. I will not be the cause of their destruction as you were the cause for mine," he responded and shut the door.

By the time I reached his window, he had started the car and turned on the lights. The surrounding air was dark with the newly sought sundown. The lights caused my shadow to hover over the garage door he had parked in front of. I slammed my fist against the window.

"Come on!" I screeched.

He paused inside the car and rolled down the window. His eyes were red at this point. I couldn't tell if that was from anger or some refraction of light.

"Why are you so angry at me?" I hissed.

"Because I love you, alright!"

The words sounded foreign, but they were enough to glue me to the stop. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. He appeared defeated, his face finally showing the effects of the outbursts.

"I love you and I don't want you to leave again."

"So why are you trying to send me away?" I cried out with free-falling tears.

"Because I have nothing left. You won't be with me. You aren't ever going to be with me. That is clear to me now," he answered, not meeting my eyes.

"You don't know that," I cried and shook, "I just need time. I…I don't know what I need. But, we could try, Seneca. We could. We could make it, just like before. I'm sure that we could-"

"No," he responded flatly.

"But-"

"Effie, look at us. We gave it a great run, but the truth is that I don't know who you are anymore. When you first showed up, I was so relieved. I thought we could relive every memory that once was, but being here with you now, I understand more than I did then. We will never be free. I will earn the reputation of a cold, heartless killer. As those families in the districts already scream for my blood, my reputation will grow until those in the Capitol feel the same way. My anger, my desire to see the world burn, it's all stemming from the hate I have. The hate against Snow for what he did to you. What he did to us."

I couldn't speak because my brain had exited into the frenzy of spots surrounding my head. Seneca droned on for another minute, but I could not comprehend his words. I tried harder and caught the end of his rant.

"-way I know there is somewhere out there. A rebellion of sorts. And I am going to find it. I am going to contact those in the districts and all hell will break loose. I will see the destruction of Snow personally. When that day comes, the day that I usurp our corrupt President, I will have you back once and for all."

I nodded to show that I acknowledged his ending. He closed his eyes and took my hand through the window. Raising it to his lips, he gave it a soft kiss and released. I clutched my marked hand to my chest as he rolled up the window and left the driveway, leaving me alone to watch him leave.