Chapter 16 Barriers.

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

- Rumi

April 4th.

She had reverted back to her previous stiff stance. Spock watched her fire the phaser a few times, missing one and barely hitting the others. She turned to look at him a slightly puzzled expression, she didn't realize what she was doing wrong. Spock slowly walked over to her, he stepped behind her. He rested his hands on the slim curve of her waist and heard her slight intake of breath. He applied a slight pressure getting her to turn her body twenty degrees to the left. He gently and briefly touched the side of her hips, she corrected herself bringing her feet closer together, a hand on her left shoulder reminded her to drop it slightly. He spread his arm along hers holding it at the wrist, the movement brought their bodies close together, her back pressing into his chest. He could feel the rapidness of her breaths against him. He moved her arm, aiming for her.

" Fire." He whispered into her ear.

The phaser burst hit the target directly in the chest. Nyota turned to him, her eyes were full of an expression he couldn't quite name. She took a step forwards, molding herself to him. He closed his eyes for a moment taking in the feeling of having her so close, the strange softness of her lean body. He felt his own physical reactions to her, then her hand was running up between their bodies, along his chest to rest on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see her amber eyes staring into his own, her lips parted slightly. He sensed her altering the weight on her feet, pushing up with her toes, to bridge that few inches between their lips. Spock felt a moment of panic he thought of rules, age gaps and points from which one could not return. He turned his head away from her. He felt her shoulders slump , a moment of hesitation and then she moved away from him. When he could face looking at her again she was stood a few feet away, she was blushing looking at the floor, her arms crossed defensively against her body. His refusal had hurt her and he realized he had made a mistake, he had let himself act out of fear.

" Nyota."

She shook her head, not looking up at him. He walked to her, laid his hand gently on her face trying to get her to look at him. She wouldn't, through their link he could feel the depth of her hurt and disappointment, the uncertainty his refusal had created.

" Know that I desire you." He said gently.

Her eyes closed for a moment and then she turned and walked away from him. He did not follow her.

April 6th

Spock was packing away his PADD and other equipment after his lecture. He could hear a cadet approach and assumed it was to ask a question about the assignment he had given, there was always one who failed to understand what was asked of them. He looked up to see that this time it was Cadet Galia who was stood patiently a few feet away from him.

" You have a question Cadet?"

" I've got a favor to ask."

" I am intrigued."

" I was wondering if you could send Nyota, Cadet Uhura a copy of the lecture notes." Spock had noticed she wasn't in class.

" May I ask why the Cadet was not in class today? Previous to this she has only missed one of my lectures so I believe I may say that it is quite unlike her."

Spock had feared two things the first was that she was ill, the second was that like when they had previously argued she had deliberately missed a class to avoid seeing him.

" It is, but she's not exactly being herself at the moment."

" How is she not being herself?"

" I don't know, I came back to my room on Saturday afternoon and she was in bed with a headache. Then on Sunday when she usually swims and goes to the library she just sat in eating jaffa cakes and watching films. I think she's in a funk but she won't tell me why."

" Is she attending her other lessons?"

" When I dropped in just before class she was getting ready."

" In your opinion what was her reason for missing my class?"

Galia bit her lip and looked around.

" She won't get in trouble will she?"

" No, it is a unfortunate fact that many students take days off without just cause, I could not possible penalize all of them."

" She said she could use the lie in."

" Thank you cadet, I will do as you ask."

She turned to walk away then as if having a sudden thought turned back to him.

" Just to let you know, in my rather extensive experience, funks tend to be caused by boy trouble."

He raised his eyebrow at her and she hurriedly left. Spock had to wonder if Galia was referring to him as the 'boy' who had caused the trouble, the cadet often proved to be more perceptive than she appeared.

April 11th

In their lesson he had moved Nyota onto short distance moving targets. He had not touched her again and though she had met him at their usual time she seemed quiet and withdrawn. Over lunch there conversation did not flow as naturally as it usually did, Nyota gave short answers to his inquiries, she asked him questions. He knew it was to avoid talking about herself but although she did not meet his eyes as often as she usually would he could sense her interest in his answers. He had described his home to her, the dry arid planes of Vulcan that stretched out beyond the walls of his home. He talked about his school and how different it was from Earth ones, how little interaction the children of Vulcan had with the teachers, how they were expected to control their emotions from as young as two. The lack of physical contact between parent and child, how even when his Human mother had tried to cuddle him he had felt it improper and had awkwardly turned away from her. Nyota had stared at him for a moment when he had mentioned this, and he knew that she was thinking of how he had turned away from the growing physical contact between them. He wished he could tell her how he regretted that moment and the distance it had created between them but he was not used to expressing such emotions. Instead he continued to answer her questions on Vulcan teaching methods.

April 12th

In his dream Nyota faced him, she rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned up to timidly brush her lips against his. He pressed his hand against the small of her back wishing to have her closer and the kiss deepened. The bond between them seemed to shimmer and shine in his mind and that small point of light grew ten fold filling him with a warmth and wonder so strong he felt his heart was expanding to breaking point. But then he remembered, he had refused her and that little light in the back of his mind was growing dimmer everyday.

April 21st

Spock taken his lunch break half an hour later than usual as the assignments from his federation language module had six percent more mistakes on average than usual and he had stayed in his office to mark them. He had sat down with a bowl of rice and steamed vegetables. As he ate he thought about the upcoming summer break, he had taken a five week assignment on board a nearby science vessel, they believed they had found remains of a Vulcan ship from the time of enlightenment when those Vulcans not willing to accept logic had left the planet and eventually formed the Romulan empire. If it was a in actual fact a vessel from this time it could add an interesting footnote to Vulcan history, and give insight on where those Vulcans who hadn't evolved into Romulans had gone. It was often assumed that they had died out or settled on a planet not yet discovered. It was likly that the expedition would take more than five weeks but Star Fleet wished one of it's members to confirm there finding before getting any Vulcan historians involved. Spock would undoubtedly hand the position over to a member of the Vulcan science academy after the five week period. It was still a fascinating way to spend his summer.

A familiar voice caught his attention and he watched as Nyota walked nearby she was speaking excitedly to Galia. Spock gave the telepathic bond between them a little nudge and watched as she turned with a puzzled expression to look around. When she spotted him she smiled. He felt his lips twitch in response, it was the first time in seventeen days that she had smiled at him.

She said something he could not hear to Galia and the two of them walked towards him.

" Commander." Nyota said happily as she reached his table.

" Cadets, you appear to be in good spirits today."

" My sister in law had her baby, a little girl."

" The arrival of a new family member is considered a joyous event in most cultures."

" Your meant to say congratulations." Nyota said her voice laced with light teasing tones.

" Congratulations."

" Thank you. She's called Akina, after my mother."

" Which means family bond in Swahili, isn't that cool?" Galia said.

" I have often found it interesting how Human names have meanings. The words Vulcan's use for names are reserved for that purpose."

" Do you want to see a photo?" Nyota asked reaching for her bag.

" I have never found much interest in the appearances of infants."

Nyota paused, her eyes met his for a moment.

" Okay." She said her voice lower.

" Spoilsport." Galia said.

" Cadet, if you wish to show me a photo of your niece I will look, I am just unaware of the appropriate way to respond in such situations."

" You say oh, she's cute." Galia said seemingly almost as excited as Nyota. He had often seen this phenomenon of shared excitement over infant Humans or animals but he had never fully understood it. Nyota reached for her bag again , this time she drew out her PADD, tapped it a few times and handed it to him. He did not see anything particularly attractive about the infant, its face was winkled, eyes closed and it was swaddled in yellow blankets.

" She is cute." Spock said as he had been instructed too.

The two girls stared at him and then burst out laughing. Spock was glad that it only lasted 4.5 seconds as in contrast with when Nyota laughed he found it slightly annoying when she was laughing at him.

" I fail to see what is funny."

" Sorry Commander, really. It's just, hearing an emotional statement in an unemotional voice can be funny." Nyota apologized.

" I see." Spock answered.

" We've got to go get our lunch now before the line gets too long, can we sit with you when we come back."

" I apologize, even thought your company would be appreciated I have almost finished eating and there are somethings that require my attention."

Nyota looked a little disappointed, Spock wondered if she had forgiven him for not kissing her or if she was just too happy about the birth of her niece to be angry with him today.

" Well, I'll see you later commander."

" Inevitably."

He watched as she walked away silently cursing the pile of assignments he still had to grade.

May 4th

Spock was drink tea in his office with Christopher. The captain had just gone on another recruiting drive, this time to Russia to meet the fourteen year old Chekov who had been heralded a young genius, apparently the child had been very impressed to meet a star fleet captain and was likely to sign up. His parents were also likely to sign the parental permission forms as in Chris's words they were fed up of their household appliances being taken apart. Spock had left his door open as it was the time of the day when other department members tended to come and inquire about various things.

Half way through the Captain's description of a woman who had approached him in a bar Spock became aware of a presence in the doorway. He looked up to see cadet Galia stood hesitantly in the doorway. He held his hand up to indicate to Chris to stop speaking. Seeing his gaze Chris swung around in his chair.

" Come in Cadet." Spock said to her.

She took a few timid steps into his office and Spock was struck by the fact that although he had spent more time with Galia than most cadets she was still intimidated by him.

" I'm sorry to disturb you commander." She nodded towards Chris. "Captain."

" What is it you require cadet?" Spock asked.

" I'm not sure that I should be asking a commanding officer this."

" Go ahead." Chris cut in as Spock was about to reply that perhaps she look in the star Fleet regulations to see if there were any rules concerning her point of inquiry.

" It's Nyota's birthday in two weeks."

" Her eighteenth?" Chris asked.

" Yes. And I know she thinks of you as a friend commander and I wondered if you would come out celebrating with us. She's kinda known as a bit cold and aloof so she doesn't really have many people who would consider her a friend."

" Of course he'll come, so will I if I'm invited." Chris answered for him. Galia hesitated for a moment.

" Yeah of course."

" I look forward to it, cadet?"

" Galia Sir. Thank you sir." Galia was smiling as she left Spock's office.

Chris turned back to face Spock.

" You have to go to her eighteenth Spock, it's like a coming of age."

" I am aware of that and I would recognize that coming of age in some form. I am just not aware of what the celebration requires."

" Usually getting blind drunk and doing a lot of thing's you'll regret in the morning."

" That does not seem wise."

" It's tradition."

" I am starting to believe that tradition is merely the word Humans use to make certain illogical actions excusable."

" It took you nearly six years to figure that one out?"

May 9th

Spock looked around the department store, it was one of the most well known in San Francisco. He found a layout of the store, eight stories, he noticed that one of the floors had gifts listed under the products available. He took the lift up to the sixth floor. He walked around, he didn't know what was an appropriate gift but he wanted something special . He didn't know where to start, the only gifts he had ever brought were for Mother and he did not think what would be appropriate for one would not be appropriate for the other.

As he wondered around a woman approach him, he turned to her, took in the black suit and name tag she was wearing.

" Hello Sir, do you need any help?"

Spock considered the question for a moment, he had been wondering around the store for twenty minutes and as of yet had not seen anything remotely suited to Nyota.

" Yes. Thank you."

" Are you looking for something in particular?"

" I am looking for a gift."

" Is it for a special occasion, or perhaps a special person?" She asked giving him a secretive smile.

" Yes, it is for the eighteenth birthday of a friend."

" Male or female?"

" Female."

" If you tell me a little bit about her I can help you find a more suitable gift."

" What do you wish to know?"

" What doe's she like? Does she have hobbies? What does she look lie? That sort of thing."

" She is a star fleet cadet with an advance knowledge of linguistics. He hobbies are reading, track and swimming. She finds pleasure in firing phasers."

The assistant looked rather puzzled.

" Okay, so she's clever and she's sporty. We do have a book shop.."

" I do not wish to give her a book. I wish for something that she would consider to be special."

" Does she wear perfume?"

" I do not believe so, she often smells of raspberry's."

" Does she wear jewelry, necklaces, earrings, bracelets. We have a very well known jeweler in store."

" She wears earrings, some kind of little flower I believe."

" Okay, do you want to see our earrings then?"

" Yes, that would be appropriate."

He followed the short well dressed woman to the lift where she pressed the button for fifth floor, she made small talk as they went down and then walked through the store towards the jewelry section. Like most Humans he met her first questions were about Vulcan, he answered her questions with disinterest and felt a small relief when she introduced him to a man at the jewelry counter who would help him pick out a pair of earrings.

The man asked a few questions about what he was looking for. Spock's answers were simple, he did not know what he was looking for but he would know if he found something assistant seemed rather disgruntled by his answers and left Spock to look in the meter long glass covered counter. Nothing seemed to immediately stand out to him, there were simple jewels , diamonds, emeralds, rubies. Then there were little gold studs shaped like flowers or animals. Dangling strings of multiple jewels, hoops of various sizes and metals.

Feeling a slight frustration Spock started considering looking in a different shop. As he looked up to tell the assistant that nothing was suitable Spock noticed a small display inset into the wall behind the counter. It was a foot squared and covered in some material that looked thicker than glass, Spock surmised it was some kind of reinforced blast resistant polymer. Next to it there was a key pad, the jewels it contained were well protected, and therefore likly to be precious. But it was not this that made Spock notice the cabinet, he had seen something flash green inside.

" Excuse me." He said getting the assistants attention.

" What is in that case?"

" Those are our unique designs."

" Unique meaning that there are only one of each or unique as in they are only available in this store?" Spock asked.

" They are one of a kinds. Would you like to see a few?"

" Yes."

" Just the earrings?"

" Yes."

The assistant turned, he hid the keypad with his body as he typed in the code. When he turned around he placed three pairs of earrings on the counter. Spock reached for the middle ones, dangling elongated oblongs made out of some sort of reflective material, perhaps shell. He lifted one up so that it caught the light and it shined with shades of blue and green.

" What are these made off?" He asked curiously.

" Those are made out of a very rare material imported from Vulcan." The assistant answered with a note of pride in his voice. " It is the fossilized wings of an extinct flying animal."

" A sundweller." Spock answered.

The animal, little reminiscent of an Earth dragonfly but three meters long had become extinct over eight thousand years ago. He had only ever seen picture of them, though he knew the fossilized wing fragments sometime dug out of the desert sands were often used like jewels for ornaments. Before the sundwellers had become extinct they had been surrounded by superstition, it had been believed that seeing one meant that a dramatic change was coming in your life. Spock was pleaded to find this little piece of Vulcan on earth. He could imagine Nyota wearing them, the little reflective shimmers off setting the twinkling of her eyes.

" I'll take them."

Who wanted to slap Spock at the start of this chapter? The course of true love never does run smooth.