Love Is Wicked: Eclipse
Chapter 10
Previously….
There were canvases, paints, brushes and everything an artist I presumed would need on the right. Which was not all that tidy. On the left however were papers, pens, pencils, light drawings on the paper covered wall, a table and a desk which was piled with books. In the middle of the room was a mattress with pillows and a blanket on it. There was nothing grand about this room, nothing absolutely beautiful, but it was the only room that felt real, that felt lived in. I turned to Serena with a raised brow.
"This is my art studio where I spend all my time when I am not outside of the house. It's the only place I feel at home." She said as she walked toward the blind. She pulled the rope and the blind flipped up to reveal a wide window halfway of the wall to the ceiling. It over looked a flower garden.
I walked toward her standing by the window and pulled her into my arms. This woman was still hurting; no matter how strong she appeared to be.
"Darien…" I heard my name whispered innocently. Even from the deepest stage of sleep, her voice managed to intrude, sliding through barriers and wrapped itself around my heart. My heart speed up knowing that my love was calling me and suddenly all sleep left me. I opened my eyes to stare right into the sky. But not just any sky, a cerulean crystalline sky that looked down on me with love and affections. I reached up unable to help myself and when my fingertips touched the smooth, silky skin of her cheeks, fire raced through my body and gathered at my loins. Pain like never before assaulted my crotch as a sudden desire to taste her, to feel, to assure myself that she was sitting right next to me overrode my senses. My breathing suddenly became labored, my heart squeezed painfully in my chest and fear like nothing I'd felt before gripped me in a vise so strong I succumbed to it as dots of black and white colored my vision.
And then it all stopped as gentle sunset pink lips softly glided over my lips and ears and words I longed to hear reached my confused ears, entering my heart and finally pulling me from fears grip.
"Shh…it's alright love. I am right here. I haven't left you and I never will. I'm right here. It's ok. I love you."
With my fears calmed and vision cleared, I was finally able to take in my surroundings. Well actually I was only looking at Serena's face and lips as it brushed over my face in a soothing butterfly kisses. She raised her head a bit to stare into my eyes, to assure herself that I was alright and for me to truly believe that she was right there next to me. I raised my head up and her lips met my in a yearning yet gentle kiss. I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her from her sitting position onto myself and the kiss deepened.
After a while of kissing, possessing, kneading and gasping, we both came up for air. She slid to the side, her hands still wrapped around my neck as I held her waist, her body tightly pressed against mine. We didn't say anything for a good ten minute, both of us comfortable in the silence and healing in each other's company. Finally she sat up and looked down at me. All I could do was stare at her as the sunset outside the glass window illuminated her figure, turning her silvery hair into living fire. God, she was beautiful. And when she smiled, my heart nearly stopped. But then it didn't, it just raced faster than before. I smiled back at her, happy, so happy that she belonged to me.
"Are you ok?" she asked, her voice soft and her hands trailed softly around my face. Did this woman not know what she did to me?!
"Yeah" I managed to whisper back.
"I'm sorry" that brought me out of my foggy mind and I raised a brow at her.
"Why?"
"I think I awakened you in the middle of a bad dream and the dream followed you into reality." She said and I thought back to when her voice first reached me. I had been caught in a nightmare, or a daymare since technically it was not night yet.
"I'm glad you woke me up. It was a terrible nightmare." I said to assure her. She took my hand and held it to her cheek, then after a minute she kissed every finger, making my pulse speed up.
"What was it about?" she asked. I looked at her, debated whether I should tell her or not. I choose not to but when I saw her trusting gaze, her worried face, I knew I could not hide nor lie to her.
"You." I said simply. She didn't say anything, she only run her soft hands up and down my arms, soothing me and encouraging me to elaborate. I closed my eyes as the memories of the dream returned to my conscious mind. So fresh and so painful.
"You had left me. I kept crying, calling your name…." I could see again as her back was turned to me as she walked away. I raced after her but the distance remained ever the same. Tears of desperation and pain poured down my cheeks and I could hear the crack in my voice, as for the thousandth time I called out her name…"but you kept walking away."
I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt her finger gently brushed away the tears. I opened my eyes and guilty pain shot through me as tears poured down her face.
"I'm sorry." She worded, the sound buried in her throat. "What can I do Darien, what can I do to make you believe that I won't leave you?" she asked, looking at me desperately, searching for a sign that could assure me. She was crying for me, worried for me. That was more than enough to assure me. I smiled. A true genuine smile before sitting up to cup her face.
"You really wanna know?" I asked and she nodded. I leaned closer to her ears, licking and kissing her there and was satisfied when she shuddered pleasurably in response. I knew then and there that she was as addicted to me as I was to her. It would hurt her just as bad as it would hurt me if she ever left me or if I ever left her. That thought soothed all my fears, giving me the strength to be bold and ask for what I really wanted.
"I want you to love me Serena. Love me until it hurts to be away from me even for a minute. Love me until your thoughts are consumed with me, until every second you crave for me. Love me until you can't live without me, until you have grasped just how desperately I need you."
I pulled back from her ears to gauge her reaction and what I found there both excited and petrified me. In her eyes, a ruthless determination blazed within, a promise to give me what I had asked for. She stood up, her blazing eyes bore straight into me and caught up in her spell I could do nothing but meet her gaze.
When her voice came out, it was cold yet sweet, it was desperate yet calm, it was husky and yet clear.
"Undress me." It was a both a command and a request. As if I had no will of my own, I stood up, my limbs shaking from both anticipation and fear. I finally understood that I had just asked her to give me her soul and she was complying with my wishes. However I didn't have much time to think about it for when the last piece of clothing she had on came off, I lost my breath and every sense of reality. The night of my birthday when we made love both at the hotel and at my house, I hadn't really gotten to see her full figure naked before me. At the hotel, it was too dark despite the candles, and at the house, she had refused to undress for fear of mother walking in on us.
But here in her studio, under the rays of the setting sun, I finally understood what it meant by the phrase "priceless work of art". Serena's body was beyond gorgeous. It was truly an art work. Everything about her was perfect. Her alabaster skin glowed, her large bouncy breasts stood, not slouched, stood ripe and ready and round and damn inviting. I unashamedly trailed my eyes down beyond her breast (how that was possible I don't know) to her tiny waist to hips that extended backwards to form two perfectly large butt cheeks and connected to legs that went on for miles. Slowly, I raised my head up back to her breast and even more slowly back to her face. I gulped. God, she was perfection itself.
Her eyes dared me to take what I want, to touch and do as I pleased but I was rooted to the spot. I couldn't do anything even when every fiber in my body was erect and ready to pounce on her. And having glimpsed a peak at the pink vagina hidden behind the folds of her labia, my member stood straight up, hurting as the confines of my pants pressed tightly against it. Air hissed out of my mouth at the agonizing need my body felt for Serena, and there she stood, offering me the relief I desperately needed and yet I could not reach for her. God, what did I have to offer this woman who had everything? How could I claim this perfection when I was so imperfect? How could I brand her as mine when I in fact wanted to be branded by her instead? I couldn't do it. She deserved so much better tha….that thought did not finish when I found myself on the bed.
She hadn't pushed me or anything. She had merely reached out and softly touched my bulging loins. The contact had sent painful shots through me and I jumped backwards, landing ungracefully on the bed. She took the two steps toward the bed and I began to back away. I was so afraid of her, of all that she was and all that I could never be. If she really gave me her soul would I be deserving of it? Could I protect it from harm? I felt so unworthy of her that her mere presence was making me tremble. In a heartbeat, she was before me, her blue orbs boring into mine. She pinned me down with her stare and as she reached for me, my mind screamed for my body to move but it could not, not under her spell, not under her warm, affectionate and determined gaze. I was on the bed with my upper torso raised up with my elbows encoring me to the bed. Before I knew it, before I could react, her soft hands had cupped me whole. My elbows lost their strength and my upper torso crushed down on the bed, my hips bucking up and down, thrusting and seeking relief. A scream tore out of my mouth, tears poured down my face, my breathing rough and loud and all the while, she had only touched my crotch. So bulging and painfully filled was the little man between my legs that her mere touch had undone me. Sticky white sperm burst forth, spraying her face and drenching her hand. I looked at my member in disbelief. She hadn't even massaged me, she had merely touched me! Heat of embarrassment and mortification burned my cheeks. I tried to pull my crotch out of her hand but her hold became firm and I paused to look at her. Misery clouded my entire face.
"I'm sorry." I said, tears of shame pooled at my eyes. I had just sprayed her face with my juice!
She looked into my eyes and smiled warmly, taking me aback before he lips and tongue touched me. A jolt pulsed through my veins. All sensations stopped and focused on my crotch which was being sucked on by the woman I love. The pleasure coming from the experience tore moans and growls out of my abdomen, through my chest and out of my mouth. Sounds I had never made before came out one after the other and all the while I stared wide eyed at the main of silver hair that cascaded down her back.
Unable to stay still underneath her admonishing, my hips began to thrust again unconsciously against her lips. She sucked me entirely to the root and my eye contact with her figure broke as my head flipped back in complete ecstasy. By goalie, I had never felt this damn good. Once again I could feel the pressure build up, my climax descending faster than I could control and when I could take no more, I screamed out her name and her mouth left me just before my juice spilled out.
I lay in bed, gasping and trying to catch my breath and thanking God that the sticky liquid hadn't spilled into her mouth. I would not be able handle that embarrassment. I felt her absence when her hand left my crotch and sighed in relief a second later when her whole body pulled on top of mine. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her torso, resting my fingers gently on her firm buttocks. She stared into my eyes as I stared into hers before she softly kissed me.
"You're not repulsed?" I asked when we came up for air. At this time I noticed the sun had set and dusk had fallen. I didn't know what time it was but I was not in a hurry to go anywhere so it didn't matter. She blinked up at me, confusion smearing her angelic face.
"Repulsed at what?" she asked, her head cocked to the side. Cute.
"You know….the…um…spraying…" heat burned at my cheeks but when her melodic laughter bubbled out of her breasts, my embarrassment passed and I smiled down at her.
"Oh Darien, you are so innocent. No Darien, I am not repulsed. For your information, some girls actually like drinking the juice." She said and my eyes widened at that. Who the hell would like to drink in the disgusting sticky stuff?!
She laughed harder at my disbelief, sitting up to hold her stomach. I enjoyed the view of her breasts bouncing with her laughter. When she finally calmed down, reducing her laughter to giggles, she shook her head at me in complete adoration. I didn't feel so bad. At least my ignorance made her laugh.
"Darien love, it is completely normal. I actually don't prefer to drink in that stuff. Nothing against those who do, but like you I find it disgusting so I don't." she said.
"But you did lick in my…." My cheeks burned again. I would never be able to mention it without blushing I realized.
"Yes I did. I may have not slept with people as I have made everyone think that I have, but I have at least relieved some people of their arousal with my tongue. However I never once touched or let their juice touched me. Like I said, personally I find it disgusting. But for you Darien, I will do anything. Besides, you were so mortified that if I hadn't done that you would never have recovered from your embarrassment." She said, I felt both warmed and embarrassed but I was pleased. She would do anything for me she said.
"And Darien?" I looked at her in response. "All that you asked from me, I had already given. I'm sorry if I didn't made myself clear before. I have a little more control over myself than you do so it may look like I'm in complete control but when it comes to you Darien, truth be I am helpless against you. I do think of you every second of the day, I crave for you so much it hurt, at night when I know I won't see you for several hours until the sun rise it drives me insane to the point where last night around 3 a.m. I was at your house but I didn't come inside. I am helplessly addicted to you, completely in love with you. I can kill Darien, if someone tries to take you away from me." She whispered.
I gasped at all that she said. She had been at my house! At 3 a.m. in the morning! She had missed me as much as I had missed her last night. Her last words worried me a little but I was nonetheless happy to hear them. She loves me; again and again I was becoming aware of how much her feelings mirrored my own.
I pulled her back on top of me, breathing in her scent. I was satisfied beyond belief. Well almost satisfied beyond belief.
"Thank you." I whispered to her. She smiled up at me and I knew what to do to complete my satisfaction. I turned around suddenly, pinning her under me and chuckled when she made a slight whimpering sound.
"Darien what are you…" I kissed her before she could complete her sentence. When we both came up for air, I smiled evilly at her, a twinkle of mischief in my eyes.
"My turn." And with that thought I began to caress her. Her body responded readily to my touch but she allowed me to do what I was doing. I explored every inch of her body with my lips, fingers and eyes.
"You're so beautiful angel." I heard my own gruff voice say many times. I started from her face, moving down to her ears and neck, nibbling, kissing and licking every surface available. Then I proceeded down to her breasts and was gratified to hear her moan and shudder pleasantly as I nibbled on her nipples and kneaded her breasts. It felt so good to hold her breasts, they were firm yet soft, large and bouncing and delicious to taste. I was drank on her scent, her taste, her absolute gorgeousness. As I moved down her stomach to her to her umbilicus and finally down to her thighs, I could hear her breathing pick up. I knew that she had denied her own arousal to take care of mine because before I even touched her; she was wet, very wet. And that made up my mind for me. Instead of using my fingers, I remembered the feel of her mouth on my member, remembered how wonderful it felt. Would it be the same for her I wondered. Opening her legs, her breath hitched in anticipation. I brought my face close to her private and was delightful rewarded by the musky, woman scent that drifted up my nose. God was there any part of her that didn't smell heavenly?!
I blew a hot breath down her clit and watched with interest as her body trembled violently.
"Darien please" her heavy, husky pleading voice cut straight through me. It hurt me to hear her beg. She shouldn't ever have to beg for anything; especially for something I was so willing to give her myself. I looked up at her, her eyes tightly closed, her hand clenched white on the bed sheets and a tender lover like trickling stream, one so gentle and compassionate overwhelmed me for this woman. This sad yet strong woman. I love her, I love her so much.
I couldn't bear teasing her anymore. Gently I opened her labia folds and my tongue entered her silky depth, taking in her wetness, her juice, her essence and I was not at all disgusted by it. In fact, I loved every lick of it.
In and out, my tongue danced through her, thrusting deeper, harder and faster urged on by the moaning and pleasurable sighs coming from her lips. When the pressure built, her breathing uncontrollably labored and her climax at her peak, she called out my name in a tone filled with pleading and gratification and like she had down for me, I took her over the horizon as her body tremblingly returned to herself. I didn't take my tongue out of her until I heard her satisfied sigh and her juice I drank easily. I was not disgusted with myself, not one bit and I would do it again the moment I had another opportunity. With her breathing slowing down and her eyes closed in contentment, I lay on my princess and held her to me.
"Angel?"
"Mmmm?" she responded, her eyes still closed.
"I'm in love with you."
"And I with you love."
And with that we made love again, not with our hands or mouth but with the most intimate parts of ourselves. Thrusting in and out, staring into her brilliant blue orbs, our lips met and all was still. We were finally whole.
Clearly, we had underestimated how long gratifying love making could take because when we noticed the time, after taking a short nap, it was midnight.
I groaned painfully as I dressed, dreading mother's reaction when I get home. I ran my hand through my hair with the intention of straightening it out but thoughts of mother disrupted my attempts and in frustration, I made it look worse than it originally was. I had just had one of the very best times of my life, and instead of blissfully sleeping by my lover's side, holding her tight all throughout the night, I had to get up and go deal with a mother who I was starting to think needed medical therapy.
Serena had gone to take a shower and so while I was waiting for her, I pulled a chair by the window and sat still looking at the glowing field of flowers below. It was a very beautiful view, the moonlight turning everything a silver blue shade.
I hadn't realized that I had closed my eyes sometime during my quiet musing until I felt Serena's gentle caress over my face. I looked up and gave her a smile but it was strained smile. She knelt before me, cupping my face in both her hands.
"It will be alright baby. All will be well. Don't fear so much. She's only human and as strict as she is, I'm sure she has your best interest at heart Darian." She said reassuringly. Coming from her, I believed it.
"You look gorgeous Serena." I replied in thanks and she really did. She was wearing white capris that didn't hold her ass as tight as most of her clothes did but it didn't hide her curves either. And on top she had on a matching tank top that hugged her chest but loosened down to her hips from underneath her breasts. Two pearl bracelets graced her left wrist. Her hair was in a bun at the back of her head with the remainder falling behind her in lovely curls of silver river.
She smiled up at me and kissed me. I returned the kiss whole hearted and together we stood. But before she could pull away, I tightened my hold on her, kissing her more aggressively. She moaned into my mouth and I could feel my member awakening again. I was in disbelief at myself. We'd made love so many times today and yet I was still so easily turned on by a mere moan from her. Coming up for air, I grasped her buttocks, keeping her body tightly pressed against me. I knew she felt my stiff groin because she sighed and said,
"Oh Darien. I think you are becoming addicted to love making." A giggle escaped her lips and I delighted in the sound of her musical laughter.
"I want you again Serena, right now." I whispered fervently in her ears before leaning back to search her eyes for and answer. She smiled at me, pushed my paints down and when it hit the floor, she also lowered her capris and took one leg out of the silky material of the pant she wore.
"Come." She said and walked to the window. I left my paints on the floor, eager to follow her. I was surprise when she reached out with both her hands toward the wall right below the window and her derriere was turned to me. She turned her head fractionally to me, a sexily devastating smile on her rosy pink lips as she whispered, "if you want me, you're gonna have to take me from the back."
I barely heard the words, my eyes completely trained on the two perfectly round butt cheeks which glimmered from the light of the moon. All thoughts flew out of my mind and I found my tongue gliding down the crack, my fingers spread on each check. I was on my knees as I kissed her buttocks. I licked, kneaded, nibbled, pinched and bit her ass and still I could not get enough. Her butt was just as invigorating to taste and devour as her breasts hand been. She gasped at first, having not expected me to lick down her crack but soon she panted, moaned and groaned in pleasure. My name coming out of her mouth in moans and murmurs of pleasure was music to my ears. When my member hurt so much that I could no longer resist entering her, I rose from my knees, positioned my crotch right against her clit and pushed in eagerly, my right hand reaching from under her shirt to grasp her breast as my left hand held her stomach. Sensations through my body were incredible. My hips bucked against her derriere, enjoying the soft bounce of her buttocks as I drove myself deep and hard into her. Each time I thrust so deep and hard into her, her body would tremble and her folds would hold my member so tight that I felt I was gonna come too early. I kneaded her breasts mercilessly and her neck became my toy as I licked and kissed and nibbled.
Unexpectedly, she went down on her knees, taking me along with her. Her legs spread further, giving me full access into her and with no hesitation, I took her again and again and again until all my energy was spent and she and I were released from the bounds of lust and heat. I held her against the wall as we both tried to catch our breaths and sturdy our excessively beating hearts.
"Oh Serena I love you so much. I wish…oh how I wish…"
She looked up at me.
"What do you wish for Darien?" she asked, looking up at me with serious eyes. I shook my head. She didn't need to know my illogical thoughts. But instead she stilled my shaking head, her eyes demanding I answer.
"What do you wish for Darien." Despite her hard gaze, her voice was ever gentle.
"You." I whispered, gauging her reaction. Instead she lifted a brow and I chuckled at that.
"I wish I was married to you. I wanna go to sleep holding you, wake up to see your beautiful face first thing in the morning. Taste you at any hour of the day or night without having to think about going home and dealing with a psychopathic mother." At that she giggled.
"We will get there love. One step at the time." My eyes opened wide at that.
"You would marry me?" I asked, my breath caught in my throat.
"When you're ready and ask me, my answer will be yes." She said, a twinkle in her cerulean eyes. I crushed my lips to hers and soon we were back to making out.
About 1:30 am, we found ourselves driving down the road to my house. I held onto Serena's hand, watching her with a fond smile as she sang along with some random song playing on the radio. Suddenly she laughed and she turned to look at me, her face lit with amusement.
"Are you going to tell me what's got you laughing so suddenly?" I asked her, smiling again as she burst into giggles.
"Remember that I told my dad we would join them for dinner." She said and I remembered. Horror smeared my face as I grasped my head.
"How could we forget?!" I bellowed.
"Don't sweat it Darien. This is not the first time I had not join them for dinner. They prefer it that way really." She said, a long pause following her words.
I squeezed her hand, hoping to convey all my love for her. She smiled gratefully at me before reverting her eyes back on the road.
"Well anyways, apparently father had asked where we were at. Thinking that I was in my room, Troy came to get me. He knew that when I am home, I am mostly in the studio and so he headed that way. When he made to knock on the door, guess what he heard?" she said, laughing gleefully.
"No." I whispered as mortification drowned me in a sea of embarrassment.
"Oh yes my dear. He heard a very gruff, aroused male voice screaming my name." please let the earth swallow me whole I prayed as Serena continued to laugh. I hid my face in my hands. This could not be happening.
"Anyway, be glad that it was troy, not anyone else. He told them that you were asleep and I was busy with work. Though I very much doubt they believed him. Of course he also called your mom and told her that you were with our family so not to worry. Man he must have reddened to the tips of his toes." She finished. I was the one reddened to the tips of my toes.
"I can never face Troy again." I murmured.
Serena continued to the laugh the whole way home.
We finally reach my house some 30 minutes later but none of us made any attempt to move. I was dreading this night separation. I knew that in a couple of hours I would see her. But even so, it felt wrong for us to part. She squeezed my hand, giving me a small smile before she opened her door. I sighed and did the same. The cool night air felt nice on my heated skin and as I closed my eyes, I imagined the day Serena and I would share the same bed and never have to be without each other.
"A few more years." I whispered. Maybe I could ask her to marry me the moment I graduate. I thought and shook my head, I would have no means of taking care of her and though she was more than capable of providing for herself, what use would I be in her life then? As a husband, it was my duty, responsibility and pleasure to provide for my wife, even if she had more than I did.
Her fingers over my face startled me back into reality. I placed my own fingers over hers, bringing her fingers to my lips and kissing each one of them.
"I can't wait till we get married too Darien. I want to know what a real family feels like. To eat together, go on a picnic or a trip, to hear someone say I love you every morning the moment my eyes open and every night before my eyes close. And to be able to say it back. To come home and hear "welcome home", or even to feel like the house we live in is also my home. I want that second only to the want and need I feel for you." She said, tears wavering in her eyes. That was her dream. Everyone dreams of riches, successful jobs, power, materialistic things but this girl, all she wanted was someone to love her. A feeling so intangible but more powerful than anything money can buy.
"We don't have to wait for some of the stuff you wish for to be granted love." I said to her, a smile playing on my lips. She smiled up uncertainly at me.
"From now on until forever, I will call you in the morning to tell you I love you and before you close your eyes at night, on the phone I will whisper it to you. If something happens and I cannot get in contact with you, close your eyes and hear my voice in your heart telling you that I love you with every breath in my body. And if I must, I alone will be your family. But remember this Angel; apart from me you have people that love you too. Lita, Michelle, Amara, your brother Troy, Amy, heck even Rei and Mina. We all love you. Family isn't generated only through blood. Sometimes, family born off friends can be stronger than those born of blood. As for trips and picnics, we can do that now. Either you and I alone or with all of our friends. You are not as alone as you think love. Your heart is too beautiful for you to keep it to yourself. The right people, Angel, will respond to you. And even if the whole world deserts you, know that I've got your front and back and all sides. I will be your family forever and I will be to you everything you need." I wiped her tears away after my long speech concluded. I meant every word I said to her. She threw her arms around me and cried gratefully. Dear God I love this woman. Please don't let anyone take her away from me.
After a while, we composed ourselves and hand in hand we walked toward the house to deal with mother who was possibly furious and ready to kill. I asked Serena to drive away, at this point I believed my mother capable of anything but she wouldn't leave.
"I would rather stand by your side and die than ran away like a coward." She had said and though I admired her courage, I was still too worried. Before it was hot water, this time it could be gasoline with a match waiting to be lit.
When we rounded the corner of the front porch, we came to a dead stop. Color drained out of my face as comprehension dawn on me.
Sitting in front of the door were all my things, packed as if ready to move out. Serena sighed and hugged me from behind.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered. I closed my eyes, sadness clouding my heart. Serena let go of me and my eyes flashed open when she started pounding loudly on the door.
"Serena don't!" but she was furious. The look in her eyes could kill. She kicked at the door, screaming at the top of her lungs for my mom to open the door. Honestly I didn't think she could yell that loud. I had to cover my ears before I lost my hearing.
We heard footsteps stampeding towards the door and when the door was yanked open, mother's angry face glared at us maliciously.
"What the hell do you want at my house sluts?!" she demanded. Sluts…meaning her enemy wasn't Serena alone anymore but me as well. I stared at her in amazement. Had this woman ever loved me? Had she ever loved me for me, not for the load of cash she knew I would bring in when I became a doctor?
"You foolish hag!" Serena yelled at her. Honestly, I was impressed with Serena. My mother's cold gaze has frozen men and babies alike. But it didn't faze Serena at all. I got the feeling that Serena thought my mom was a child who was flipping over losing a candy.
"You would send your child, your only son away from your home just because he loves!?"
"I have no son." Mother replied. I thought I could take it but those words pierced through me so sharply that I could not contain the gasp that tore out of my lips. Unbidden tears slid down my cheeks. All these years, when she had made me give up on everything I wanted to do. I had not fought her. I had done everything she asked because I wanted to please her, to see her smile, to see her happy. And this was the thanks I get? What had I sacrificed my childhood for?
Unable to look at her anymore, I turned around and left, returning back into Serena's car as if the shades of the car could protect me from the pain piercing through my heart. This was so unfair. The night before I cried for the hurt my mother had caused Serena, this night I cried for the hurt she had caused me.
A few minutes later, Serena, dragging my things walked back to the car. I watched her with dull eyes. I knew the things she was carrying were heavy. They weren't much for I didn't have many things anyway but heavy they still were. I knew I should rise up and go help her but lord my body would not move. It was like I was entering into shock. I watched as she passed me, heard the trunk unlocked and my things placed in. The trunk shut and a few seconds later, the door to the driver's side open. She sat and looked at me. I knew her eyes were on me even though I wasn't looking at her. I was just too drained of energy to muster the courage to look at her.
"You can go you know." She said quietly. Her tone was soft and yet it carried a sadness so deep it gave me the strength to look at her. She wasn't looking at me anymore. She was staring straight ahead, her fingers fidgeting on the wheel.
"You can return back into the house. Promise her you will never ever see me again and keep your promise, your relationship with her will restore. I will even help by moving back to the state. I don't want you hurt Darien." I looked at her, the words she had just said not registering properly in my ears.
"You want to leave me?" even though my voice was soft and calm, panic began to rise, my chest started hurting and I could feel my breathing starting to get labored. She wants to leave me. Those were the words ringing in my head. I totally forgot that I had just been disowned, that I was now homeless. The dream I had earlier on today returned with a vengeance and my vision started to blackout.
"Damnit Darien I don't want to leave you!" she yelled as she clutched at the collar of my shirt.
"I don't ever want to leave you." This time she said so quietly, her voice broken as she began to sob. The panic symptoms I had begun to experience disappeared as her words registered. When I was finally in control, I looked at her pleadingly.
"I don't want to leave you Darien. But how can I stay when you look like I have just taken your most precious thing away from you." She sobbed quietly as she removed her hands from the neck of my shirt, crying into her hands. Guilt hit me. I hadn't meant for her to feel as if she was to blame. She wasn't to blame. Until now, I had just never known the woman I have been calling mother all these years.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her onto my lap. It wasn't easy considering the small space within the car. I gently rubbed her hands, trying to sooth her as she cried.
"I'm so sorry. It was not my intention to make you feel at fault Angel. In fact I should thank you for coming into my life. Thanks to you, I was finally able to see past the mask of a caring mother my mom wore so deceitfully. She has never once cared for me for myself. It was always about her. She wanted me to become a doctor so that I would take care of her someday but more than anything, she just wanted something to rub in my father's face. She wanted to disgrace my father, prove to him that she doesn't need him, and make him regret leaving her. Her own ambitions drove her every move and thus drove mine. I did everything I could to please her, to make her happy. And though I knew I was being used as a weapon against my father, even though I wondered every day if she truly loved me, I allowed myself to be used. Forsaking my own dreams to make hers a reality. Thank you love for coming into my life love. You just set me free from all these chains tightened around my body. Now I can truly pursue what I really want to do, answering to no one but the yearnings of my heart for you. So thank you." I said. She lifted her tear stained face up to mine.
"Really?" she asked. I nodded. I smiled at her before I leaned down and captured her lips in mine, nibbling at her juicy full lips before slipping my yearning tongue into the folds of her deliciously tasting mouth. As the kiss deepened, my arms bringing her close to my chest as was physically possible, one thought entered my head and when it did, my lips left hers and I smiled.
"Angel?"
"Yes?"
"I would rather lose her than lose you. I can live without her, I can be happy without her, I can even finish school without her. But I will be lost without you. I will be nothing without you. I will die without you."
She smiled up at me and I met her in another kiss. When our lips touched, I knew we would be ok.
please read and REVIEW and PLEASE IGNORE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AND SUCH, I REALLY AM TOO BAD WITH IT. AND BAD SPELLINGS TOO LOL. I actually just finished writing this chapter, took me the whole day to come up with something to write. It's 1 am here, as you can guess, i am tired!
I know this has been long in coming and it is short and maybe slightly cheesy, but i hope you enjoy it anyway. i realize that facts of nursing is squashing away all my creative juice so please bare with me as I try to reorient myself from the grips of nursing.
Thank you all so much for waiting! I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!^^