Chapter 31: Intimacies

Rated M for frank talk about sex, sexual situations and a rather dodgy bit about sucking Vulcan's fingers. You have been warned.

Work on 'maintaining Vulcan/Human relations', my version of the Sarek and Amanda story is currently in the serious planning stage, watch this space and I'll tell you when the first chapter ( one of five though they will be short) is up.

Second week of January.

Spock looked up at the clock again, seven minutes, seven minutes she had been back in San Francisco. He had not gone to meet her, both had agreed that they should avoid being seen together in public unnecessarily. Especially as a few weeks before Nyota had been seen by Doctor Puri and several nurses visiting Spock in hospital. He had felt the bond between them tingling ever since her shuttle had touched down seven minutes before, it was like a little nudge at his consciousness and a brightening of that link in his mind, that strange glowing spot that was the doorway to Nyota. He knew she would head to her room, unpack whilst talking to Galia and then come to him, he would just have to wait.

He tried to concentrate back on his book then realizing he had read the last page three times he gave up went and put it back on the shelf and accessed the computer. He set it so when Nyota arrived she could walk straight into his apartment. Then he stepped into his meditation room, got the door to stay open, lit a candle and sunk down onto his meditation mat. It was time to have an important conversation with Nyota, one he never thought he would be having. He watched the flickering of the candle flame and slowly withdrew from his surroundings and into his own mind.

He drifted back into reality feeling calm and ready for what was to come. He smelled the scent of raspberries and perfume and knew she was close, he reached out with his mind and saw her there sat in her favorite chair looking around his apartment and waiting for him to come out.

" Nyota?" He called.

" Yes Spock?" She called back.

"Nyota? Why will you not come here?"

He heard her footsteps and then she was there in front of him in the doorway she folded her arms and looked down at him.

" Welcome back Nyota."

" Hey." She said. She still didn't come into the room, Spock wondered why. After two weeks apart he wanted to hold her close to him, to smell her scent and feel her weight against him.

He stood up and walked over to her.

" Nyota is there something wrong?"

" No."

He starred at her until she talked again, he had found that if he stayed quiet and looked at her she would tell him what was on her mind.

" It's your meditation room."

"Yes."

" I'm not allowed in your meditation room."

He took her hands and heard her little intake of breath at the shot of electricity that passed between them.

He took a step backwards and led her over the threshold of the room. She smiled widely looking down and shacking her head. She stepped up on the tips of her toes and kissed him, Spock wrapped his arms around her giving himself completely to the kiss.

She pulled away and rested her head gently on his chest and he held her close knowing at some point he would have to let go of her again. He held her for as long as he could then knowing it could not last forever but there would be other hugs later he let her go.

She stood and kissed him once more.

"Do you know how much I've missed you?"

" Show me." Spock said raising his fingers, she gently glided hers up and down his causing a warm sweet sensation mixed with the feelings of loneliness and longing that he had asked to see.

" Yes, these are familiar things the sense that something vital is missing, that is what I feel when you are absent from me."

She gave a bittersweet smile. Then deliberately took his hand and sucked his fingers into her mouth. Spock gasped, on previous occasions she had kissed and even nipped his fingerpads but she had never drawn them so completely into her mouth. The sensation was not anything he had ever felt before but it was exquisite. It made him instantly hard and had his stomach doing flips as Nyota starred straight into his eyes and massaged the tips of his fingers with her tongue. Running her tongue up and down his two fingers in sweeping then pulsing motions, he felt a type of pressure building in his groin and he quickly pulled his fingers out her mouth. He noticed his hands trembling as he turned from her going to blow out the candle as if he had been meaning to do it all along.

" Nyota.. I.. Uh.." For some reason his mind had gone completely blank and he didn't know what he wanted to say to her.

"So, this is your meditation room." She said tone natural as she glanced around. He gave the slightest of nods.

He watched trying to regain his brain functions as she looked around the room, his room, the room nobody else had ever been in.

Spock's meditation room contained a lot of items from his home planet, some ceremonial and hundreds of years old, some whose meaning and history were so deeply routed in the Vulcan soul that none from off planet would know their meaning, others tools for meditation . It was fitting that they would have this conversation here.

" Red." Nyota said referring to the fact that some of the objects were red, the cloths he used to cover the table was red and the lights gave off a faint red glow.

" I like red." Spock answered.

" You actually like it? It's not to do with the Vulcan desert or some symbolic reason?"

" No, I like red."

She smiled and he realized she had been teasing him again.

"Nyota, I must talk to you."

She froze in the middle of reaching out to touch a painting.

" That sounds serious."

" It is a serious conversation." He admitted.

" Okay." She nodded, he could feel her worry and intrigue.

Spock sat back down on the meditation mat and indicated that Nyota do the same.

" I have some matters to discuss with you, some of them are difficult for me to say because they lie deep within a Vulcan's soul, they are.. Shameful and not privy to outsiders."

" Shameful? Spock what?" Nyota rested her hand on his knee.

" First let me start by saying that by taking my fingers into your mouth a moment ago you were perhaps unknowingly performing what for a Vulcan is considered a highly intimate act, a sexual act." He hesitated over the last few words.

"It was not unknowingly."

Spock felt his eyebrows shoot up.

" What? I have the internet you know."

"I see, then what was your goal for that action?"

She sighed.

" I wanted to see the expression you make when you're being pleasured."

" I see. Nyota it is becoming obvious to me that our relationship will take on a sexual element in the future."

" I would hope so yes."

"You know my wishes concerning this matter but I have not fully explained to you some of my concerns as I had not at that time had them confirmed, now I have the agreement of a reliable source it would be wrong for me to keep them from you any longer."

"I'm listening."

" Our bond was created quite accidentally and although it has grown through both our acceptance and nurturing of it I still lack an understanding of It's true nature. I have found out that it is a possibility that sexual intercourse could lead to the permanent linking of our minds, the Vulcan equivalent of marriage."

" Okay." She nodded slowly as if taking in the information.

" I want you to be aware of that fact, I want you to take it into account when you decide."

Nyota gave a little smile as if she had just heard a private joke.

" When I decide? Isn't this the kind of thing that takes two?"

" We would not be having this conversation if I had not already decided in the affirmative."

Nyota looked confused.

" Wait, what? But you.."

" Another thing that has to be taken into account is that I am three times as strong as you and likely to hurt you if I loose control."

" You won't hurt me Spock." She said her features becoming gentle. Spock choose not to argue, he did not want to voice his worst fears.

" There is a difference in Vulcan genitalia to that of a humans but it is a very slight difference and would not make us physically incompatible, there is the Vulcan habit of marking ones mate and the idea has always been enticing to me so you should prepare yourself for that possibility. Do you understand all I have said so far?"

Nyota stared at him as if he were a particularly strange appearing alien she had never meet before. She nodded slowly and gulped.

" Yeah I understand but..." She left off.

" You have questions?"

"No, nope, no questions."

" Why did you just repeat the same sentiment three times?"

" It doesn't matter Spock, carry on."

Spock took a deep breath mentally preparing himself.

" Nyota I trust you to keep what I am about to say between us."

" You can trust me Spock."

" Nyota, every seven years a Vulcan.. " He looked down unsure how to continue. Nyota put her hand on his knee again in a supportive gesture. It helped.

" Every seven years a Vulcan undergoes a temporary change of hormonal state. I underwent one such period three years ago, during that time the urges of our ancestors come back. Logic is stripped from us and we must enter a deep and difficult level of meditation to suppress these urges, or give into them. It is a fever, a temporary insanity and if the will of the body is not meet then the insanity continues and death occurs."

There was a startled little gasp from Nyota, he looked up into her dark eyes beseeching her to understand what he was saying.

" It is called the Pon Farr. The time of mating. This is the shame I bare the shame every Vulcan must bare."

Nyota's hands framed his face and she leaned forwards to rest her forehead against his.

" You do not have anything to be ashamed about when it comes to me. I love you, I love all of you, I accept you just how you are."

Spock felt a relief spread over him, he had told Nyota of the worst of his nature and she had accepted it.

" Now I have something to tell you." She said sitting back down. " Not as important but still, I have been assigned to a science vessel to shadow a communication officer for two weeks."

Spock nodded, all cadets at one point during their three years at the academy were assigned to a vessel for a two week period of shadowing a member of the department they would find themselves in upon graduation. It was the most logical way to demonstrate to the cadet just what was required of them and the nature of their duties.

" It will be good experience for you. When do you leave?"

Nyota bit her lip slightly.

" In two weeks, just after the January exams."

Spock nodded he understood what she was telling him now, that despite the fact she had just got back from being in Africa for three weeks they would only have another two weeks together before she left again.

"Two weeks." He muttered.

"Do you remember what we did in four days?"

" You must revise for the exams." He said meaning that she could not spend all her time, or even all her evenings with him. He could not allow their relationship to have a detrimental affect on her studies.

"I've spent all Christmas revising Spock, Now I just want to be with you."

She leaned forward to kiss him again a serious deep kiss that made his breath catch in his throat and his heart beat like a terrified wild animals. He took her in his arms and carefully laid her down on the new red meditation mat hungry to explore her body and emotions, knowing now it was only a matter of time before she let him in completely.

Last week of January.

Spock slammed his hand down on the desk of and andorian student, he could see that the girls eyes were peering over the screen zeroing in on the screen of the cadet in front of them. She looked up at him and he shook his head, it was a warning. She focused her eyes back on the screen in front of her. Spock walked a few more seats down the aisles and stopped for three seconds next to Nyota. She had already finished her exam, she was sat neatly in her chair her eyes resting on the screen until she noticed his presence then she glanced up at him, he walked back to the front of the hall but in his mind they were talking.

" When do you leave?"

" In an hour. "

Spock felt his lips twitch into a frown he did not like that she would be away from him for two weeks without being able to contact him. But he could sense her underlying excitement so told himself he had to be supportive and happy for her.

" You will make an impression."

" I'll try."

" Believe me Nyota, you cannot help but make an impression. "

He saw her over the crowd of faces look down and smile.

"You will take care of yourself won't you Nyota?"

" I'll be fine Spock."

" I shall miss you Nyota."

" I'll miss you too Spock."

February fifth.

Nine days she'd been away, five till she came back. He finished marking the last of his assignments, checked he had the right files for tomorrows staff meeting then sat and thought of how he missed her. He accessed the computer and looked up the Louisiana science vessels current mission. Collecting samples of single celled organisms found on a planet in the Delta Vega system. Routine, not dangerous and close by, no accidents reported in the last nine days. He got the Hobbit from his book shelf and turned to the chapter where Frodo escapes from the elf kings hall, he sat in Nyota's chair and started to read.

February tenth.

When the door rang he found it difficult to keep a natural walking pace as he went to answer it. He opened it to find Nyota stood in a yellow dress uniform.

"Nyota." His voice shook.

" Can I come in commander?" She said in a tone that indicated to him that there was somebody out in the hallway.

" I'm sorry to have come to your home but I've just been shadowing on the Louisiana and it's given me a lot of questions."

" Come in cadet." He stepped away and let her in.

The instant the door had slid closed Nyota threw her whole weight on him kissing him wildly. He hitched his hand around the back of her thighs and she responded as he wanted wrapping them round his waist. He carried her into the bedroom. There would be time for talk later, much later, after he'd shown her how much he missed her and caught up on two weeks worth of kisses.

February 14

Spock looked across his class, there was seventy seconds of lecture time left and they all displayed classic signs of boredom. One person who was not showing the signs of boredom was Nyota, that was because Nyota was not in his Advanced Klingon class, she was meant to be but she wasn't. Spock did not falter in his topic, he knew that to all his students he was talking at his normal pace with no emotion as he normally did, Spock knew this because he was actually concentrating quite hard on appearing that way. In his mind he was wondering why Nyota was not in class. The only times she had not come to class before was when she had been annoyed with him, he did not think she was annoyed with him, he had not given her reason to be. He finished up the lecture and gave out the weeks assignment he would have five minutes 23 seconds to check on Nyota before his micro-organisms seminar, he hoped she was in her apartment.

He started packing up his lecture notes and the disk which contained his overheads as the cadets began to leave. Bag packed he slung it over his shoulder and headed up the stairs following the cadets out.

" Commander Spock!" He heard a familiar voice call to him and he prepared an answer that would get him out of the room without the Cadet holding him back and taking up time he could be talking to Nyota. He turned.

" Cadet my office hours are..." He stopped, it was cadet Galia who also hadn't been in his lecture.

" It's Nyota." She said just loud enough so only he could hear. He took a quick look at her worried face and then nodded his head for her to follow him back down to his podium. He watched cautiously as the last of his bored cadets left then turned to Galia.

" Cadet?"

" It's Nyota she won't get out of bed. I think she needs you."

"Is she ill?"

" No, not ill exactly." Galia glanced around nervously her hand unconsciously rubbing her upper arm.

" Galia, please explain."

" Can you come?"

" Yes, I can come." Spock said, he would have to be late this one time, the only time in seven years of star fleet and three and a half years as an instructor.

He walked a few steps behind Galia up to her and Nyota's room. A wave of despair hit him as he entered the room, he had never known Nyota to be so unhappy, well perhaps he had after Williams but their minds weren't so closely intertwined back then. Spock shot a look at Galia.

" Yeah, I know." She answered and Spock had to wonder what it was she knew.

As he stepped in he could see the shape of Nyota on her bed, covered with blankets right up to her chin. As she was facing away from him the only thing he could see was a tangle of her black hair spread over the white pillow.

Galia hovered at the door as he stepped around the edge of the bed, Nyota did not seem to notice he was in the room, she did not seem to notice anybody was in the room. Her skin was blotchy, her eyes red and filled with tears, the swelling beneath her eyes and the little visible broken blood vessels indicated she had been crying a long time and probably not as softly and noiselessly as she was doing now. Cautiously he sat on the edge of the bed near to where her knees were drawn in close to her body.

" Nyota?" He said, trying to put some gentleness into his tone.

If she heard him then she showed no sign of it.

"Nyota, answer me." He said more firmly this time but still didn't get a response. He tried to reach into her mind but found it largely blocked to him, it was the first time that he wished she hadn't taken to telepathy so easily. What he did read was a kind of blankness, some deep pain he found a little terrifying. He had to know what had caused it.

" Galia." He looked over to where she was stood trying not to watch him.

" Galia, when did this start and what has set it off? Has she received bad news?"

Galia bit her lip and shook her head slowly. When she spoke it was as somebody who wasn't sure if they should be revealing what they were.

" Last Night, she was trying to be happy, you know how people get when there upset and don't want to show it? Then this morning I woke up to her crying, I mean really hard, she wouldn't tell me what was wrong then this last hour or so." She raised her hand and gestured to the bed.

" She hasn't spoken or moved, she stares into space like she doesn't know I'm there. I didn't know if it was right to get you.'

" You did the right thing. Has she been ill at all? complaining of headaches or.." He didn't finish because Galia was shaking her head.

" Do you know what day it is?" She asked him.

" February fourteenth Valentines day."

As he said it he came to the realization of what valentines day meant to Nyota. Not flowers and gifts and romance, there would be no moonlight picnic in the park tonight, the picnic he had prepared would go uneaten. To Nyota Valentines meant pain and fear and powerlessness. Valentine's was and would always be the day she was attacked and molested and almost killed in a dark dusty storage shed by a man who knew before Spock did that he loved her and that her death would cause the greatest pain to him.

He stroked Nyota's hair back from her eyes and felt the slightest flicker of recognition.

" Leave us." He said. Galia hesitated then nodded and left the room.

" Nyota, I know what's wrong. Let me in, I can help I can make the feelings go away."

Her eyes flickered to him for a moment.

" Spock?"

Her Voice was rasping.

" Yes darling." He stroked her hair again not sure whether she wanted more or less contact.

" I need this."

" Need what? I do not understand."

" I need to let it all go, I need to get it out into the open. I need to let myself feel it."

" But these are bad feelings."

" Yes, but they need to be felt."

"That is illogical."

" Some things are."

He sat with her for another five minutes stroking her hair and watching the tears slowly fall in little rivers down her face.

"Stay with me. I'm safe when you're with me." She asked.

" Of course, I just have to take care of something first." He said, she gave a slight nod and he got up from the bed and went to access Nyota's com system then decided that as the call could be tracked calling from Nyota's apartment would not be wise. He bent down and kissed Nyota on the forehead.

" I will be back in less than three minutes. "

She didn't answer, taking her non-response as an agreement he left her apartment. He went down the elevator, turned right and walked the few steps from the student dormitory to the little on campus coffee shop that student used as both meeting place and a relaxed study area. He stepped in, ignored the cadets who starred at him and accessed the public com link there, he dialed the number of the head of biostudies and waited for the thin tiny women in her seventies to answer.

" Commander Spock, aren't you meant to be giving a seminar?"

" Yes, that is my reason for contacting you, I need to rearrange the time of the seminar due to unforeseen circumstances."

" You haven't really given me much notice Commander."

" I did not have much notice myself."

" Nothing to do with your father's illness I hope."

Sarek's illness had become common knowledge to Star Fleet personnel due to the fact they would now be dealing with a new stand in ambassador.

" No."

" Well I guess there's nothing else for it. I'll find a suitable time in the next few days. This personal crisis will be over by tomorrow won't it?"

" I believe so."

" Then maybe tomorrow 14:00."

" That would be suitable, thank you Margaret."

" Your welcome Spock."

Spock shut down the com link and walked fast paced back to Nyota's apartment. She was still laid on the bed in the exact position he had left her in. He sat back on the bed.

" I will stay now Nyota, for as long as you need me too."

She reached up and took his fingers, she brushed them briefly he felt a little despair at her touch but was still glad for it.

He got up, walked to the other side of the bed pulled the covers up and lied down next to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. They laid together for hours, occasional Nyota would cry, and sometimes she would let him hold her hand and drain away some of the emotion. As the time went on he could feel the negative emotions clearing as if there was a certain amount of it and it was being used up with the crying and the staying in bed. She slept for a few hours and when

she woke up she turned to him and buried her face in his shoulder.

" How are you feeling."

" Getting there. What's the time?"

" 23:48."

She nodded. She laid her head back on his shoulder and entwined their fingers again. Twenty minutes later she asked again.

" What's the time?"

" It is 00:08, February fifteenth."

She nodded and looked up at him, she gave a weak smile.

" I think I'm going to be okay now."

He ran his hand over her back in reassuring strokes.

" Till next year?"

" No, I think it's over. It's the passed now." She pulled herself up and looked around the room, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand as she did so.

" Where's Galia?"

" Do you really want to know?"

She gave a slight laugh.

" No I guess I don't."

February 25th.

Spock laid the thick woolen blanket on the floor in the space he had cleared by moving the sofa and table to the edge of the room. He threw a couple of pillows from the sofa onto the floor. He went into the kitchen and took the wicker basket he had replicated that morning and started to fill it with the food he'd hand prepared the previous night. Little jam tarts and cheese straws, cut vegetables and humus, fresh strawberries and neatly cut triangular egg salad sandwiches, with a bottle of sparkling nectarine juice and a couple of glasses. He took the filled basket and placed it by the blanket in the living room then he made the final two preparations of the evening, he turned on the in-built sound system and put in the disk of Vulcan lute music, turning the sound down so that it would play barely noticeable in the background. Finally he took the little cylinder he had borrowed from the astronavigation department and set it by the side of the blanket. The cylinder was a holoemiter, when activated it would project the images of certain star systems onto the roof of his apartment, it would also show certain spatial anomalies, nebulae, black holes, comets, spatial structures like star bases and storms on dead planets. The projector was used to teach blind navigation, that is navigation when a ships navigation systems are down, and was sometimes taken on recruitment drives to show what actual black holes and nebulae look like. He had also been told that the students found the projections beautiful and often asked to view them for entertainment purposes. He thought that Nyota would like it he knew her trips in space had been pretty routine and she had not yet got to witness the strange light reflecting particle cloud nebulae, the glowing green and blues and browns swirling around each other or a comet passing close by. He felt that he had succeeded in creating a romantic atmosphere so he could give Nyota the valentine's day she should have had a year and eleven days ago.

The door beeped, right on time.

"Lights at thirty percent." They lights immediately dimmed.

Spock opened the door Nyota stood before him, she was still in uniform slightly out of breath as if she had rushed there, her hair was loose the tips damp, she had been assigned to a 18:00 fitness group for the new term and she had obviously showered and come straight over. He stepped aside to let her in. She took in the blanket on the floor and the picnic.

" Spock!" She said delighted. " What is this?"

" A starlight picnic."

Her smile was dazzling.

" But there aren't any stars."

Wordlessly Spock knelt and turned

on the projector, instantly his roof lit up with the catalard star system slowly moving in and around the stars as if from the view screen of a shuttle. Nyota tilted her head upwards staring at the star projection rotating slowly in a circle as he remembered her doing on there first 'accidental' date.

"You're beautiful." He said.

She looked at him with a wide smile he gestured to the blanket on the floor and she sat down. He knelt beside her a mere three inches away and he remembered how much he had desired to touch her the first time she had ever been so close. He reached up to brush his fingers over her pouting lower lip reminding himself he was free to touch her now. She smiled and gave his fingertips the lightest of little kisses. He felt his lips twitch into a tiny smile.

He reached for the basket and pulled it in front of them.

" Would you like a drink?" He asked.

" Yes."

He poured the nectarine juice into one of the glasses and handed it to Nyota she took a small sip and looked down into the glass.

" Hmm, nice." She looked over at the basket and Spock nudged it towards her. She looked inside and smiled, she took out a cheese straw and bit into it.

" Is it suitable?"

" It's lovely Spock, It's all lovely."

As they ate Spock pointed out the different planets in the Catarlard system. He described their classes and atmospheres and evolutionary states. Nyota smiled and asked questions about how far away the Catalard system was from Earth, how long it would take to get there and If there was anything a specific scientific interest there.

When the program had finished Spock took the projector and started entering the code for another program in on the four little buttons.

" Spock?"

He turned to see Nyota holding a strawberry between her finger and thumb. She leaned over and placed the strawberry to his lips. As he bit into it her eyes sparkled and she licked her lips as if she could taste the fruit herself. She popped the remainder of the fruit into her mouth. He set the projector back down.

" Lights off 100%."

They were pitched into sudden blackness. Spock reached out for Nyota and dragged her down onto the blanket with him wrapping his arms around her. There was a light blue light and then appearing at the edge of his roof was a comet, a gray mass surrounded by blue light and white flecks of ice. It glowed and shone little pieces flickering off and glittering with the light of far off stars.

He heard Nyota's intake of breath. He watched her, her face lighted by the pale blue light of the projection. She watched intently her eyes following the comet and it's trail across his roof, then it was dark for a couple of seconds and a ring shaped space station with three large towers rising from it and bending towards the center.

" Space station seven?" Nyota asked.

" Deep space Nine." He informed her. She rolled over to face him. She looked into his eyes with the same intensity she had shown the comet. She kept her eyes on him even as she kissed him taking his lips with her own. There was something about the kiss a strange determination that made him feel his nerves endings were setting on fire. He looked up at her as she pulled away only to bend her head into the crook of his neck and suck the flesh, licking him with her cool tongue, he felt himself shiver involuntarily. She kissed his lips again, the desire smoldered between them then burned like a deep fire. Their lips and hands moving over each other, taking in each others bodies trying to get closer to each other. Nyota moved away panting from the intensity of their kisses, she smiled at him as he reached up and brushed her hair away from her face. That smile, the small understated one where all the light was in her eyes and her lips only quirked up slightly, that smile never failed to make his heart skip a beat.

Her fingers trembled slightly as they worked on the buttons of his black shirt. For every button she undid she placed a kiss on the newly revealed flesh, over his chest then down to his stomach. Spock's breath hitched as she kissed just below his belly button. She moved back up his chest stroking her hands across his skin as she did so. She gave him a quick breathless kiss before dipping back down to pull his shirt apart and trace her fingers over his nipples.

"Computer lights on fifty percent." She said, Spock blinked as the room was suddenly lit again.

" Olive green." She whispered.

"Olive?"

" Yes." She said pinching him lightly. "What would you call it?" She lowered her head and kissed his nipples scratching him lightly with her teeth as her fingers made little swirling motions on his stomach. He took a moment to catch his breath.

" I have never thought about the color of my nipples before."

Her eyes looked up at him as she gave him a deliberate little lick. Spock let out an involuntary little groan and she smile wickedly. He was growing more aroused every minute. He reached for her and pulled her back up to attack her with his lips, sucking, licking nipping until he could feel her skin grow flush with arousal. She pushed against his chest and he regretfully released her. She laid her head on his chest and as she regained her breath he ran his hands up and down her back in soothing motions and then wrapped his fingers around hers in a Vulcan kiss. Her breath returning to normal she took his hand and sucked his fingers into her mouth, Spock barely held onto his control as she swirled her tongue around his finger tips.

A deep growl rumbled out of his chest, he removed his fingers from her mouth and put his hands on her shoulders to hold her away from him as he took several deep breaths. He imagined himself having perfect control, he gathered some of his desire and slowly pushed it to the back of his mind till he felt what remained was manageable. He opened his eyes to find Nyota starring at him.

" You okay?" Nyota asked.

" Yes, I am trying to stay in control of my strength."

Nyota nodded.

" Okay then." Her hands reached around his neck and stroked her fingers through the little hairs on the back of his neck and she kissed him gently. He reached down to her waist and found the edge of her top she raised her arms for him and he pulled it over her head flipping her over and kissing the soft skin of her shoulders hand cupping her breast, he worked his way down kissing her flat stomach. He sat up pulling her with him and kissed her as he reached behind her back and undid the red bra. He reached up and lightly trailed his hands over her shoulders brushing the straps down her arms letting it drop away from her. He bent his head and ran his lips over the now warm and flushed skin of her breasts then sunk his teeth just above her heart. He heard her startled gasping groan and pulled away looking at the marks his teeth had left.

" I 'm sorry Nyota."

She turned his head so that he was looking at her.

" It's okay, you're marking me I get it."

Then she raised herself on her elbows and bit him on the shoulder.

"Now you're mine." She whispered in his ear.

" I have been your since the moment I first laid eyes on you." He bent his head to her neck and sucked gently on that sweet soap smelling flesh.

"I'm ready." She whispered in his ear. Spock head snapped up from her neck looking directly into her amber eyes, tender and earnest.

" I want to be with you Spock, I know now, I've always known."

He felt his heart skipped a beat at her words, Tension built in the pit of his stomach. He stroked a solitary finger down the side of her face.

" To confirm, you are saying you are ready for the physical consummation of our relationship?"

Her lips spread in a wide smile and she nodded.

" Though you are fully aware it may lead to our bond becoming permanent."

" Yes Spock, you did make that clear." She said the smile never leaving her face.

Spock leaned in and kissed her and although he had kissed her many times this night this time was different. This time when his desire rose he would not pull away or suppress it, he would be allowed to fully express his desire, all his dreams, all his imaginings could come into fruition.

" Yes." He answered. He reached round to pick her up and cradled her in his arms as he carried her into the bedroom. He laid her gently on the sheets and took a moment to look down at her, his friend, his partner and now to be his mate. Beautiful, graceful, intelligent, kind, brave, loving. He felt a wave of longing that almost knocked him to his knees. He closed his eyes to steady himself for a moment.

" Spock?" Her tone was curious bordering worry, he knew her so well. He opened his eyes, he wanted her, could imagine it, almost feel it. It was like a Burning in the pit of his stomach, he had waited so long. He watched her watching him as his unsteady fingers started to unbutton his trousers. Nyota shifted to the edge, she reached over and brushed her hand against his and then, laboring teasingly on the zip undid them. He suppressed a moan as her hands moved under the material and rested on his hips, kneeling down she slid her hands from his hips to his calves taking the material with her. He stepped out of the trousers and reached down pulling her back up. He kissed her with all the desire and longing that he felt and she replied with as much enthusiasm. Hands a little more steady he brushed down the bare skin of her back, over the edge of the little red skirt and found the zip. He pulled it down and she pulled her hips away from him still hungrily kissing his mouth and let the skirt fall to her ankles. He heard the ungracious shuffling of her feet as she tried to kick it away but was more interested in the dancing of their tongues and the delicate little strokes Nyota was making at the tip of his left ear. His hand rested on the small of her back and then inched it lower feeling lace under his fingertips and then with carefully judged force he moved his hand back and slapped her right buttock. She immediately gasped and pulled away from him her eyes a little startled.

" Spock!"

" Add to your hypothetical book, Spock likes spanking."

She stared at him for a moment and then her face split into a wide smile as she gave a little laugh. Spock stepped forwards to take her in his arms and then with a step backwards they both fell onto the bed. Nyota gave a little squeal as they fell and continued to laugh as Spock buried his face in her neck, kissing nipping licking the skin there. After a minute he pushed himself up to look down at her, her face animated and alive, he raised his eyebrow and she tried to look serious and then settled on a little smile. She reached up to stroke her hands through his hair.

" I love you." She said, then repeated in Vulcan. "I love you."

'" I wish to be with you for the rest of your life Nyota."

" I want that too."

Then it seemed like the time for words and laughter was over. The next kiss was serious, Nyota's hands traveled over his back. He rested on one hand and stroked up her thigh and she opened them for him. His fingers pushed passed her underwear and touched the wetness there, Nyota sighed. She squirmed against him to encourage him to continue and his finger found the little bundle of nerves and began to tease it. Nyota gasped and shuddered against him for what seemed like a long time but yet not long at all. Then she reached up to kiss him, her breath labored as he continued to stroke her feeling through their link the growing tension inside her and the little trembling shocks of pleasure. Her sex was becoming more open against his fingers more wet and tempting, he gently slipped a finger inside of her.

" Spock." She gasped.

I'm ready. Her voice sounded in his mind clear and confident.

He kissed her, and then moved down the bed to remove the red lace underwear, he's breathing hitched again as he looked at her fully naked form truly more wonderful than he had ever dreamt. He stood briefly to remove his boxers, Nyota watched him, timidly she reached out and stroked the flesh revealed. Spock felt a deep growl rumble through his body. He knelt between her parted legs and laid close to her wishing to be able to touch every inch of her cool smooth skin with his. He kissed her as he moved over her until he brushed up against the wet folds. She smiled widely, no hint of nervousness left. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and leaned up to whisper in his ear.

"You are all I want, you are all I'll ever want."

He stared into her deep eyes as he pushed into her, the yielding wet tightness more pleasurable than anything he had ever experienced. He heard her moan but knew he had not hurt her. He placed a tender kiss to her lips before starting to move steadily but gently within her. He felt his pleasure building, he couldn't stop the growl from escaping his lips. Nyota shuddered against him giving soft moans every now and then, her finger nails digging into the flesh of his shoulder the small sharp pain letting him know she had marked him there. A sheen of perspiration covered her skin. He felt his movements becoming faster, less steady, his breath came in pants he felt as if he were building up to something, the tightness in his pelvic region growing, he had nothing resembling control left just the sensations of being in her, loving her, claiming her as his own forever. Nyota's back arched pushing her body against his and taking him deeper inside her.

" Spock." Her voice was breathless.

Meld with me.

His hand moved down to find the pressure points on her face.

"My mind... To your mind. My, damn, my thoughts to your thoughts.."

That little barrier that had always been between their minds shatter. Spock felt two hearts beating, in his chest and below his ribs. He felt both as if he were moving and being moved within, he felt Nyota's mind laid as bare to him as her body and then he felt only her pleasure coming in building waves each more intense than the last until she felt she could not handle it anymore then her inner walls started to clench against him and he gasped as her gasping breaths let out in a scream and he felt his own release like a rush of tension leaving his body.

Spent, He shifted off of her before his arms gave way. He laid on the bed and pulled her against him waiting for the shivering to stop and for her to regain her breath. They laid together quietly for seven minutes though Spock would have been content for it to last an eternity. He now understood why Humans said 'to make love' rather than sexual intercourse, at this moment he felt he loved her more than he had ever known possible. He loved her enough that the fact that she was still in his mind did not concern him, it was right that she was there.

She pushed herself up to rest on one hand and looked down at him.

" Hey." She smiled her familiar beloved warm smile.

" Hello." He replied, then hesitated. "Was that satisfactory?"

She laughed and kissed him wrapping her legs around his as she did so and rubbing her foot up and down his calf.

" More than satisfactory Spock."

Then the smile on her face disappeared and she looked at him with shock on her face.

" Spock! You're smiling!"

Spock let out a deep chuckle, it was strange even to his ears. She smiled widely at him as he reached up to brush her hair away from her face.

" I have reason to smile Nyota."

He kissed her softly, feeling waves of dizzy, almost manic happiness and was not surprised that it was entirely his own.

Her weight felt good against him. The steady sound of her sleeping breath, Cool soft skin, silky hair fanned out across his chest and the smells of dried sweat and arousal, all of it wonderful, all of it his. Spock felt.. Loose, like all his muscles had completely relaxed, that and oddly floaty, it was the strangest of sensations but he could not bring himself to be concerned about it. He bent his head to kiss her shoulder and she mumbled unintelligibly.

" I love you Nyota." He whispered knowing that she was not awake to hear him.

Writing sex from a male POV when you're female is kind of awkward, and as it's Spock's first time it can't Be over the top, amazing, let's do everything imaginable sex, just pure vanilla. (Though I did have to add the spanking joke.)

Like it, hate it, let me know cause I feel like Spock right now 'was that satisfactory?'.