This is a M rated one guys (for sex). So if you shouldn't be reading it then don't.

The writers block attacked again, along with new modules and a second hand copy of 'I am Spock." Basically, sorry this is later than I expected, it did need a lot of editing ( I still don't think it's right but as it's a big chapter emotion wise I doubt it would have ever been right).

Maybe?

Early morning may 26th

Spock peered through the gap in the thin curtains his mother had insisted on. His mother was sat crying in her bedroom. He felt wrong, he did not have a name for the emotion he felt but it was wrong. He wondered if there was anything he could say or do to stop her tears. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and turned to see his father looming over him, he always seemed so tall and Spock felt a twinge of guilt knowing he should not have been peering through his parent's window.

"What is wrong with mother?"

"She is saddened."

"Why is she saddened?"

His father starred at him for a moment before answering as if he were judging whether he was old enough to understand.

"Your mother had thought she was going to provide me with another heir and you with a sibling but the Infant within her was weak and did not survive."

Spock nodded solemnly; he thought he understood, a little.

"You are only three years of age Spock but perhaps one day when you are older you will come to understand the insuppressible emotions a parent feels for a child even an unborn child."

" Emotions?" Spock asked puzzled. "Grown up Vulcan's do not have emotions."

His father briefly touched his shoulder again then turned to walk away.

His three childhood tormentors were stood in front of him looking down at him with their emotionless eyes.

"He maybe a Half-breed abomination but at least he can't spread his disease." The middle Boys lips quirked slightly. "Maybe you lack the intelligence to apply the information to yourself. " He's voice slowed down, slowly pronouncing every word.

"Hybrids are sterile."

He was laying in a bed in hospital his body functions out of control, blood pressure and heartbeat racing. She was near he could tell that she was near. Then he heard a Voice.

" Finally come for your hypos I see."

" No."

" You're No longer covered by last years contraception or flu jabs, really a phobia of hypospreys is ridiculous."

His mother was sat across from him sipping at a glass of amber liquid.

" I do not understand."

" If you wish to avoid accidents then you can get a contraceptive jab from Doctor Puri, it's not entirely effective on Vulcan's so Nyota would have to get one to."

Spock felt as if the top of his ears would catch on fire, but as far as he knew Vulcan's don't spontaneous combust.

" Mother I was not talking of Spawning. "

They were in bed on a Saturday morning light fell across Nyota's skin giving it a slight golden gleam. His fingers lightly traced the dreamlike patches of gold. Nyota straddled him, he watched her face as she lowed herself onto him her eyelids flickering shut and her mouth opening slightly. He rested his hands lightly against her hips as she moved. She rested her head against his shoulder her breaths sounding in his ear. He placed little kisses down her neck her pace increased and he felt a deep rumbling growl come out.

"I love you. I love you Spock." She muttered against his ear as she sucked on its tip.

"Nyota." He growled pulling her closer to him. He felt the trembling start in his limbs. The pressure building in his abdomen. His fingers gripped her hips a little tighter holding her still as his hips bucked, muscles clenched around him. There was a long moan in his ear and he felt an intense rush of pleasure as he released into her.

Doctor McCoy was looking down at his hand, his face displayed expressions of sadness.

"The first time you hear that little heartbeat your life changes."

Spock woke from his troubled sleep feeling tired. His dreams confused him there was a link between the memories, but something about them didn't make sense. Why was his mother's inability to conceive a child after him linked with the bullying he had experienced as a child? Why would he recall the incident where he had been told he was sterile when later research into mixed humanoids had suggested that wouldn't be the case? Why was that morning he had spent making love to Nyota linked with doctor McCoy telling him about his child? And the biggest question, why would he be having these strange dreams now?

Something, some knowledge was sitting at the edge of his consciousness. He did not want to meditate, he felt that he would find himself stuck in a turmoil hazardous like landscape. Instead he got up, changed and went to his office to do and endless stream of jobs with little real importance except to serve the purpose of taking his mind off the dreams and Nyota's behavior.

Late night 26th.

Spock was changing into his nightclothes when his com chimed. He pulled his uniform top back over his head and went into his front room. He opened his com link and noted tiredly that it was Nyota who appeared on screen. The day had been full of various students coming to him with last minute problems, staff that should be able to handle the last weeks of term better were also coming to him for help on trifling matters. And all through the day something, maybe worry though he wasn't comfortable admitting it to himself was nudging at the back of his mind. It wanted his attention, wanted him to stop his duties and concentrate on his relationship with Nyota. She was his and something was getting between them and although he was her bondmate, her husband, he did not know how to help her. For once he felt nothing when he looked at her image on the screen just the small realization that she seemed as tired as he was.

"Nyota, it is near midnight. Why are you not sleeping?"

"I can't sleep." She answered.

"I to have been disturbed of late."

"I'm guessing that's my fault." She said quietly.

"I am concerned for you but to blame you for what is a natural concern for ones bondmate would be illogical. Nyota, I am glad that you have contacted me I was under the impression that I had angered you in some way."

"You had. But I realize that we just misunderstood each other so." She gave a little smile " It would be illogical to blame you."

"Is there a reason you have called?"

"Can I come over?"

"You are welcome at all times Nyota."

" I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Spock nodded and the screen went blank. He turned the thermostat down, smoothed his bed sheets and took Nyota's belongings that were kept hidden in his closet into the bathroom so that she could wash and change if she wished. He finally went into the kitchen and stated to boil milk on the stove. Just as it hit the optimum temperature he heard the door swish open. His ears picked up the soft footsteps and he turned to see Nyota still in full uniform stood in the kitchen doorway.

"What are you cooking?" She asked.

"I am making cocoa." He answered. He had purchased the drinking powder two weeks before after Nyota had replicated hot cocoa and pronounced it unsatisfactory. He turned back to take a mug and canister of cocoa out his cupboard. He felt hands glide over his shoulder and felt Nyota's cool breath on the back of his neck as she leaned her forehead between his shoulder blades and continued to wrap her arms around his stomach. He paused what he was doing for a moment to relish the feeling of having her close to him after what had seemed like a long time of absence. He gently laid one hand over hers and used the other to flip the lid, break the foil sealing with the spoon and heaped a couples of spoonfuls of brown powder into the mug. He reluctantly disentangled himself from Nyota and poured the hot milk into the cup, stirred it vigorously and turned to give it to her. She gave a small satisfied smile as she took a sip.

"It's good." She muttered. He gave a short nod.

"Did you wish to talk to me about something?" She froze, her muscles instantly tensing . Her face turned to a blank mask and the little bit of her mind that she had left open to him snapped shut in an almost painful way.

"I will take that as my answer. Why did you come here tonight?"

"I wanted to sleep next to you."

Spock wondered if that would be enough? Was his presence enough to cause her some relief from her emotional distress? He could think of nothing else that he could do. Not if she refused to tell him the cause of it. Yet he knew for sure it would be of some comfort to him to know she hadn't completely abandoned him.

"I would like that." He turned to look at her and then reached out to take her hand leading her into his room where they laid on the bed and he curled his body around hers whispering words to her that disappeared like vapors seconds after they had been spoken. They both slept dreamlessly through the night.

27th May

Spock looked at the computer, he's fingers reached out to the keys. They stopped. He took a deep breath and focused upon finding the knowledge he needed with no emotional attachment to it. Vulcan women are fertile all the time but he had learnt early after his move to earth that Human females menstruate and are only fertile for a brief amount of time. But apart from this he had never had much cause to research the human female fertility cycle. He had to question himself why he was doing this? Why was his unconscious mind not so subtly nudging him in this direction? Perhaps it was that little sentence Gaila had spoken "Sorry, commander girl stuff" He had heard this phrase before and been told that it was in reference to the young lady having muttered it having felt ill due to being in what Nyota herself referred to as 'the messy part' of her cycle. He and Nyota had fallen into an unspoken understanding that for one week every month there would be no sexual contact between them, to Spock this was just an acceptable part of having a non-Vulcan mate.

He typed human female fertility into the search engine, it came up with various scientific articles. After reading two they began to repeat themselves, they had not given him any information of use that he was not already privy too. Trying to figure out what that illusive little piece of information was he went back to the search engine. Obviously for some illogical reasons he could not fathom Nyota was willing to speak to Gaila about her for want of a better word illness, and not him. Girl stuff. Could it simply be that where the Vulcan's never talked of their cycles or sexuality there were things, which earthlings did not openly discuss with the opposite gender? If he could get an inkling of what these things may be then he might deduce what was wrong with Nyota. Finally he found something of use, a website where woman put up messages describing problems and others gave them advice. He looked over the posts, most were health related or woman suffering abuse or fearing infidelity from their partners, Spock could not even consider either of those things in relation to Nyota. He clicked onto another page read a few posts dismissed them and moved onto another, it was when he scrolled to the bottom of the page he saw it. A post saying the exact words Nyota had said 'I'm late.' If the poster was indeed late why did she continue to sit on the computer typing? Did these words have another meaning? He stared at it for a moment, it was illogical to fear information and yet for some reason he feared the truth that was lying behind those two seemingly harmless little words.

He clicked the post.

My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant. My period is two week late but we've been trying so long... I don't want to tell him and get his hopes up only to discover it's a fluke. I haven't had any morning sickness but I know that doesn't come till later. Are there any signs I can see now?

Spock felt himself stiffen, periods, what human woman referred to as part of there menstrual cycle. According to the post lateness in this stage suggested pregnancy. Could Nyota suspect she was pregnant? Was it even possible? It was like a jigsaw, fitting together lots of puzzle pictures making an all to clear picture. His fingers rushed across the keys, his eyes flickered over articles on early signs of pregnancy, inter-species fertility the inefficiency of the contraceptive jab on Vulcan's. The puzzle pieces rapidly slotted together morning sickness, the sudden feeling all replicated foods were tasteless, mood swings. Fear and worry but he could relieve those.

Had something been made between them? Something distinct and living and growing. Something that would last beyond them. Something part him and part her but entirely unique. His child, Nyota's child. A thing of beauty and wonder and love. He could not center himself in the world he was so lost in the idea of it. The most wondrous thought that had ever surfaced in his mind. Why had he feared it?

Gradually something of himself came back. The scientist needed confirmation. Confirmation could only come from one source, Nyota. It was time to face the situation at hand. He turned from the screen and typed the memorized number into his Com system. The screen went blue and stayed blue. Nobody was home, he scolded himself that in his rush he had forgotten that Nyota would be training in the array lab.

"Computer record message." He said and waited for the little beep.

"Nyota." He said seriously. " It is time that we talk. Get in contact with me when you get this message." He closed down the link. And sat for a minute wondering what to do next. His heart was beating too fast his thoughts were swirling in such a manner that he couldn't grasp one long enough for it to fully form. He checked his clock, Nyota wouldn't leave the lab for another thirty minutes, time to run several laps around the edge of the grounds. He got changed into a T-shirt and jogging pants and left knowing he wouldn't see a single thing he passed on his route.

He had just arrived back at his apartment and had stripped of his shirt when he heard the door swish open. He went out his bedroom and saw Nyota stood in the front room she stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

Oh god he knows.

"You're projecting."

Nyota starred at him he could hear her heart beating faster. She was very pale and he unconsciously took two steps closer to her.

"Nyota, please sit." He said fearing she was about to faint.

She took a few unsteady steps and collapsed into her favorite chair.

He took a few more steps forwards so he was only a foot away from her. She wouldn't look up to meet his eyes.

"Nyota.." He sighed not knowing how to begin. It seemed the matter need delicacy, he needed to utilize everything that he had learnt about dealing with human emotions, needed to lead slowly up to the question, reassure her that whatever the situation was he would be with her. For hours his mind had been buzzing and now with her sat in his apartment silken hair flowing down to hide her face it had gone completely empty.

He watched for a long time as her hands rubbed nervously against each other the silence between them growing thick. Then she suddenly stood up.

"I should.." She said blankly pointing to the door.

"Nyota are you carrying my child?" He blurted not even realizing he was speaking his native turn.

She froze her dark eyes boring into her he heard her breaths panting out strangely loud.

"Maybe."

He reached his hands out towards her but didn't touch her.

"Maybe?"

She looked down at the floor.

"I can't go to the medical wing as the star fleet doctors would have to report it. And then if I am... Well if I am they will see it's a quarter Vulcan and that means the father has to be half Vulcan and as you told me the day we meet." Nyota's fast panicked speaking tapered off.

" I am the only half Vulcan half Human in existence and therefore would be the only possible father of the child." Spock said.

He clasped his hand behind his back to hide that they were shaking.

"What is the likelihood that you are indeed .."

"Preggers, in a delicate condition, in the family way, bun in the oven, up the duff, carrying alien spawn." Nyota shouted angrily. Spock found himself taking a step backwards. He didn't understand where the sudden emotional outburst had come from, nor did he understand the string of phrases she had emitted.

"Are these curses."

She shook her head.

"What?"

"You are shouting in the tone of voice that suggests you are cursing but I have not heard the phrases humans are very inventive with their curses."

She starred at him and slowly shook her head and then as sudden as the anger she burst into tears. Spock watched in surprise as her body shook with waves of emotions. Shaking himself out of his slight comatose state he pulled her into a hug. She sobbed against his shoulder as he stroked down her back and made little noises his mother had used to calm him as an infant. He felt impotent and confused, was she or wasn't she pregnant? and why had she chosen to avoid him instead of talking to him?

"A baby's a bun and I'm the oven." She muttered against his neck hiccupping slightly twice within the sentence.

"That is an illogical statement."

" I don't know what to do Spock."

"I will make you an appointment with a civilian doctor. We will decide on a course of action once we know the extent of your condition."

"I'm scared."

Spock did not know what to say. He pressed his lips gently against her cheek hoping it would be enough, he could not even determine what his own emotions were let alone the surge that came from her.

" It is due to you suspecting this that you have been somewhat more emotional than usual?"

"I just.. So unsure.. Didn't think it was even possible... Is this because I didn't have the jab? I thought because you'd had it.. "

" It is possible. It is only 78% effective in Vulcan's. As I am half-Human I suspect it is between 78% and 98.9% effective for me."

He pulled away from Nyota when he noticed the breathing against him became haggard and breathy.

"Nyota."

"Can't.. Breath." She gasped.

"Nyota." He said worriedly. "It is anxiety, take a deep breath."

She stared at him and he watched her chest move as she took a deep breath and started coughing. He ran his hand up and down her back worriedly watching the movements of her chest and lips till he was certain her breathing was back to normal. He ran his thumb across her cheeks wiping away some of the tears. They were quickly replaced. He wondered whether he had ever felt so impotent, so hopeless to resolve a situation.

"What are we going to do?" Nyota asked.

" I will need more information before I can formulate a plan. Is there any other condition that could cause your symptoms?"

He knew the answer from the expression on her face. Though she had not seen a doctor she was certain, she was certain that she was pregnant. There would be a child.

He shut his eyes trying to escape the look on her face. He took five deep breaths and built a new wall in his mind. It was not confirmed, make plans but it is illogical to panic before it was confirmed. Find a doctor, a good doctor, one who would be able to foresee any complications caused by the mixed genetics of the fetus. The child, his child, a son .. Maybe a daughter. A beautiful clever daughter with milky brown skin. A son with deep dark eyes and floppy black hair. Beauty beyond belief. Clever children with talent for science, language or maybe the artists his mother would adore. He would teach, him, her, his child to play the lute, to play chess he would watch them play and dance and they would be 3/4 human so they might be able to tell jokes. He would love to hear his child tell a joke, literally love it. He could think that now.. Love. He would love his child. He felt himself smiling but he was getting ahead of himself, have it confirmed, make a plan, keep her safe.

"Spock? Spock, you've gone kinda blank. Spock, please, I need you."

"I am here Nyota." He said shaking himself from the images of his possible offspring.

"Formulating plans?"

"Yes, formulating plans." He said.

"Spock, I don't want..."

"I think this is wonderful."

She stared at him, for some reason she looked devastated but he convinced himself he was just reading her wrong.

"Spock..."

He felt the sudden urge to kiss her and followed it. He pulled back and held her close to him breathing in the smell of her, trying to get passed the soapy smell to the scent of her body wanting to know if it had changed.

"I will make you an appointment. Do you wish me to go with you?"

Her fingers scratched along his chest.

"No." She said quietly. "No, I'll go on my own."

" Isn't it usual on earth for the father to go to the doctors appointments."

" Just drop it Spock."

Spock felt a slight worry cut through his happiness, there was still something wrong. He kissed her gently again, he still didn't know what to do but he felt that thing he'd identified as love filling him. He would have to push some of that emotion away before he could figure out what she was feeling.

"As you wish."

She rested her head against his shoulder and they stood there for a long time then she pulled away from him tears still in her eyes and he felt a little trickle of emotion from her. She was angry with him, she was confused, and she was disappointed. They were not the emotions he would have wished her to feel.

" I'm going to go study."

It seemed like a strange time to do so to him but he knew how concerned she was about her exams perhaps that was the cause of some of her anxiety?

" I know you need to study Nyota but are you able to do so in your current emotional state?"

" Yes." She turned from him and she knew as that link was inching open that she wanted to get away from him. He watched her go feeling that even though he now knew what had been upsetting her the distance between them had not closed.

It didn't take long after Nyota had left to find the best fertility doctor in San Francisco. Further research showed that he had some experience (had written several articles) with mixed genetic fetuses. He had got the contact information and made a phone call he had told the secretary that it was imperative his wife was seen quickly as possible as the fetus was mixed genetics and he had known that this particular genetic mix needed immediate care for the fetus to survive. He had also told her due to their positions a certain level of secrecy was required. The secretary gave him an appointment time for the next day, it was in the morning and although Nyota had a exam in the afternoon he was sure she would want to get the matter sorted. The secretary ensured him of the professionalism of the doctor and then took his details to send him a form that Nyota would have to fill in before her appointment. Spock closed down the com link and immediately forwarded the form to Nyota with a map of where the doctor's office was and the time of her appointment. Then he settled down to meditate knowing it would take him all of the evening and most of the night to manage the emotions the day had brought.

May 28th

Spock had expected to hear from Nyota straight after the appointment but as the minutes ticked into hours he realized that she would not. When the time of her exam came around Spock had changed his mind three times about whether to volunteer to invidulate. Though he could check she was alright and silently ask her the results his presence might distract her. Finally he made a pact with himself. He sat beside his Com screen and typed her number, luckily she answered. She had been crying and Spock felt a strange kicking sensation in his stomach at the sight.

"Spock.."

He held his hand out to stop her.

"I realize that you are preparing your mind for the exam. Therefore I am not asking that you tell me the results of your doctors appointment now as the proceeding conversation will distract you from those preparations. But I believe we should have that conversation as soon as possible so as to put plans in motion. I suggest that we have said Conversation after your exam."

She stared through the screen at him. He was pleased to see that Nyota seemed to be in control of her emotions at the present even if there were signs she had not been earlier.

" Nyota, I require an answer."

" Yes, I'll come over then. I have to go." She said quickly.

" Nyota, I wish you success during your exam."

"Thanks Spock."

He shut down the com link and satisfied settled himself down into Nyota's chair to read.

exactly 4 hours later.

Spock was facing the door as it swished open. Spock stood quickly the PADD cluttering to the floor. He stepped forwards reaching for her.

" Nyota?"

She stared at him looking completely lost and very very young.

" I'm pregnant."

Spock's world suddenly constricted. The whole universe with all the planets he had seen and visited, all the races of the galaxy disappeared. His world, his knowledge, the only thing of any importance was her and the beautiful thing inside her. He dropped to his knees in front of her, blindly reaching out. His hands rested on her stomach wondering at the thing growing in there and how he had never truly appreciated how wondrous reproduction, fertilization and gestation really were. Apparently it was something you couldn't learn from books. His fingers moved against the red fabric. It was not enough he was just not close enough to his child. He carefully pulled the fabric of her top up and pressed his palms against her skin he felt a tingle as if the person growing inside her was trying to communicate with him.

"Wondrous." He muttered.

With slow motions, almost frightened he pressed his ear to her stomach and concentrated trying to pick out a certain sound. His breath hitched as he heard it, not a steady beat but more a little vibration. A heartbeat. The sign of life. And everything changed for the second time in three minutes, the golden bond between him and Nyota seemed to stretch and contrast and then there was a thin tiny silver string going from him to that new life. He looked up at Nyota, his joy overwhelming. He didn't notice there was something wrong until the words had left his lips.

"Nyota, T'hy'la, This is wonderful."

Then the anger hit him. He fell backwards and had to put his arms out to steady himself.

"Nyota?" He asked stunned. He looked

up at her blank emotionless face.

"Do you know what I wanted before I met you Spock?" She said calmly just loud enough for him to hear.

"I wanted to graduate high school a year early. I wanted to be best in my class at the academy three years running, be on board a starship before I'm twenty. Be the youngest head of the linguistics department before I'm twenty-four." Her voice raised a couple of octaves and he noticed her trembling and that there were unshed tears in her eyes.

" I didn't want to meet a guy at sixteen, fall in love at seventeen, get married at eighteen and have a baby at nineteen."

"Life rarely turns out how we plan it. You can still be a head of communications, "

"Shut up Spock!" She shouted throwing her hands up and turning her back on him.

"Nyota..." He didn't know what to say, he couldn't understand her emotions. Couldn't understand how he could be so happy, so ecstatic and full of joy, and she could be... Angry. Angry at him, angry with herself.

" I do not understand." He said.

Her body, so tensed seemed to deflate. She didn't speak.

" Nyota. We will tell the academy. We will have the bond formalized. I will tell Chris that I resign from the enterprise, there is a good possibility that I can continue to work at the academy. There is a crèche, I will give you the papers to defer a year. I will change the meditation room to a nursery."

"I need to think." Nyota said quietly.

" About what? I have just told you the arrangements that need to be made."

"Think Spock, just think. I need time on my own." She turned on her heel and headed towards the door.

"Nyota." He said blocking her path with three quick strides. He rested his hands on her shoulder and stared down at her.

" You are not happy."

"No shit Sherlock."

" My name is Spock, though the comparison is not unpleasing." He said trying to make her smile, it felt as though if he could just make her smile then everything would be alright.

She sighed and looked at him then her hands framed his face she looked straight into his eyes.

" I need time to think about this." She implored him. "I'm going home."

"This is your home."

"Spock, just let me go."

" Will you come back?" Spock asked truly worried.

"Yes." She stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him in a gentle reassuring way. " I'll come back." She rested her forehead against his.

"I do love you Spock."

" I am glad for that."

"Let me go."

" To Africa?"

" Yes."

" You will need to keep in contact with a doctor, it is essential..."

" Spock. I can't have this conversation, I'm to tired and I have to go pack."

"Pack?"

" My final exam was today."

"I am aware of that."

"I booked a flight out this evening."

Spock felt a strange sense of lose. He had just discovered this wonderful thing, and she was going to leave and take his child with her.

"That is soon." He breathed feeling a strange tightness in his stomach.

" I need to be away from this place."

Away from me, Spock thought, why were things changing in such a rapid fashion today?

Nyota leaned up and kissed him again and he leaned Into it trying to make it last. She pulled away to soon and turned not looking at him.

"Bye Spock I'll call you." She said heading out the door.

"Nyota I..." The door closed and she was gone.

"Love you."

Perhaps Nyota's seeming a little out if character but I figured she is very young and very determined and her life's just been turned upside down.