HOUSE OF CARDS
Chapter Six
The sound of running water was a welcome relief to the pounding in Jax's head. He wasn't even that drunk and it was too early in the night to feel hungover. Lighting up a cigarette had only taken him so far and the next step was reaching over the side of the bed for his boxers. Maybe the blonde in the bathroom would take the hint and make herself scarce as soon as she was finished in there. A billow of smoke surrounded him as he leaned back against his pillows and rubbed his eyes in frustration.
It wasn't the blonde's fault—he still wasn't positive on her name—and at this point, he just wanted her out of his dorm. His endgame for the night hadn't exactly worked out the way he'd intended and he figured the best way to deal with his misery was to numb himself with a bottle of Jack. This chick had already overstayed her welcome but there wasn't much he could do to hurry her along without giving her the wrong impression. There was no way she was staying in his dorm any longer than another five minutes—he wasn't looking for a bedmate tonight. He just wanted to be fucking alone right now.
The bathroom door creaked open and the tall, leggy blonde with sky-blue eyes stepped out shyly but he couldn't even look at her. It was just another reminder of what he couldn't have, what he shouldn't want, and what he'd settled for tonight instead.
This girl was just a stand-in for the one he really wanted.
His eyes shot up when she started venturing closer to the bed and his next words had her skidding to an abrupt halt: "Your clothes are on the other side of the bed, darlin'. You should get goin'."
When her eyes widened, he felt a moment of panged remorse. It wasn't her fault that she'd been in the right place at the right time for him to exercise his demons and it definitely wasn't her fault that she matched the physical attributes he was subconsciously craving. Even though he'd gone through an ample share of croweaters in the past, he'd never treated any of them disrespectfully or set out to make them feel used. He figured now wasn't the time to start, especially in his current state of frustrated, self-induced misery...it certainly wouldn't make him feel any better.
Even as she hastily threw her clothes back on and straightened out her skirt, his eyes remained glued to the ceiling as he exhaled another cloud of smoke into the quiet air. She didn't even say anything when she closed his door behind her and he was instantly grateful she'd spared them both the awkwardness. The girl had been nothing if not compliant and that was all he'd been looking for tonight, even if it had failed to extinguish his anxiety.
Suddenly, his dorm felt stifling and fresh, cool air was the only thing his mind could register. By the time he was sitting on the roof, a bottle of Jack and cigarette pack in hand, he felt a little better. At the very least, he didn't feel quite as tightly wound and restless as he had in his bed. The light wind lifted the ends of his overly-long hair and the calming effect of that sensation made his distress momentarily disappear.
He leaned against the railing and blew out a long trail of smoke from his nostrils. This shit just wouldn't go away. No matter what he did the past week, all he could think of was her. Ava's shining blue eyes flashed across his closed eyes and he could practically smell her perfume wash around him. Her bare, smooth skin nestled against him, the intoxicating sensation of her soft hair dancing across his chest and his arms—not to mention the fact that the feeling of her tight, wet pussy wrapped around him had practically knocked him clear into next week.
In light of recent events, he had made it his mission to get Ava out of his system. He'd had her once and because she had clearly, firmly stated that he was only going to have her once, he had to accept that and move the fuck on. Wendy was the most familiar, tried and true option and he banged her for three days in a row until he faced the reality of his situation: not only did he no longer find Wendy attractive, he just wasn't satisfied with anything less after the few hours he'd spent with Ava in that motel room. He had a feeling it would be a long time before anything even came close to that.
So when that blonde had latched herself onto him tonight at the clubhouse, he'd seen it as divine intervention. The hair, the eyes, the build—it was all similar enough to maybe do the trick and rid him of this obsession once and for all. But when he'd been inside her, he found himself picturing Ava instead—just like he'd done with Wendy. Second best was never going to cut it.
This had never happened to him before. He knew better than to allow himself to slip down the rabbit hole and he'd always been able to maintain a healthy distance away from emotional intimacy of any kind. But in that motel room, all of the apathy he'd built up over the years just had eroded away with the second she'd opened up to him about her reasons for changing her mind. He still hadn't completely wrapped his head around all of that yet either and at this point, didn't see the point. He'd shied away from emotional connections with women since he'd lost his V-card at fourteen but as Ava had curled into his shoulder and bared her own emotional truth to him, slipping into that role wasn't quite as scary as he'd anticipated. Maybe it was just because it was with her.
She'd said she wanted something good after what she was facing in Darby's camp and he had a pretty decent idea what that all entailed. All in all, she'd gotten lucky the night he'd come to pick her up—Miles was capable of much worse than some ass and tit-grabbing. Just thinking about that fucking prick's hands all over Ava made his blood boil. He didn't want anyone else to touch her and if she wanted something good, god damn it, he wanted to be the one to give it to her. Fuck everything and everyone else.
Even if there was some risk involved, meeting at that motel had been a stroke of genius on her part. In the middle of the night, they had the ability to be a little more anonymous, even if his bike didn't particularly help matters. There were less people around and no one who would have any power or influence over them would have any reason to end up there in the middle of the night. If they were careful and timed their meetings in a similar way, he saw no reason why they couldn't keep seeing each other at the motel. It didn't matter to him that it couldn't go any further—he just wanted more of her.
All week, he'd been looking for her too and that had only served to send him deeper into the downward spiral. He hadn't let himself drive down her street on the off chance that Darby or any of his men happened to be at Ava's house right then. On that level, he agreed with her about any arrangement between them being risky. Unfortunately, though, it was far more risky for her than it was for him. While putting his brothers potentially at risk of war with the Nords was nothing to sniff at, he didn't have to worry about the physical and emotional manhandling that she had to be suffering at her uncle's psychopathic tendencies. The last thing he wanted to do was endanger her even more than she already was but shit, he wanted her so bad he could practically taste her.
Tomorrow was Saturday and maybe if he was lucky, he'd at the very least be able to observe her from a distance when Tig kicked the shit out of Darby's new lackey. Granted, he had to suffer through a quick shift at TM first but he was going to thoroughly enjoy watching Tig's stroke of good luck relay into a payout for the club. And even if hell froze over and Tig lost the fight, at least he'd get to suffer through some more self-induced torture by taking in the object of his obsession's every move from across the ring.
Only a few short eight hours later, he was toiling away on a Honda at TM and counting down the hours until the fight. Part of him felt a little guilty—he should be jacked up to cheer on Tig in earning the club some money and his focus was helplessly elsewhere. Hell, he was even having trouble focusing on something as simple as an oil change right now and Gemma's hovering was not helping matters. A quick glance towards the office told him that his mother still had her eagle eyes trained carefully on his back and he knew better than to give her a reason to call him into the office.
He had just finished up work on the Honda when his mother's stark, stern voice floated out around him: "Hey Jax?"
Shit. If it wasn't one fucking thing, it was the other fucking thing.
"Yeah, Ma?"
"Now that you're done with that Honda, can you make a tow run? Car broke down on the corner of Main and 10th Street downtown—the customers are waitin' for you so you better get a move on."
"Yes, ma'am." He saluted her playfully and wiped his hands clean as he made his way towards the tow truck. If anything, this little getaway was a welcome relief—his head just wasn't in his work today and if he didn't know any better, he'd say his mother had purposefully scheduled him on a Saturday morning just to torture him. Character building, she called it…cruel and unusual punishment was more like it.
All of that quickly flew to the wayside with a familiar Dodge Neon blasted into his view and his heart stuttered in his chest. Was it too pathetic to hope that Allie's cousin was with her? The obvious answer to that question was a qualified yes and he felt like an asshole being happy that Allie was still having car troubles. At least she hadn't gotten into another accident—the last one had definitely cost her a good chunk of change.
When he pulled up behind the Neon, his forehead creased into a confused frown—there was no one in the car. He quickly slid out of the truck and glanced around the street for any sign of Ava or Allie; there were plenty of places downtown they could've ducked into while they wanted for the tow and now it was just a matter of finding one of them, hopefully both. Just as he was about to try calling Ava to let her know she was there—of course, in the event that she actually with her cousin—he saw two flashes of blonde coming out of the coffee shop across the street from him. Ava and Allie were walking easily in stride together, cups of coffee in hand and they were chatting animatedly about something. He stood there next to the Neon, rooted to the pavement because all he could focus on was the fact that his imagination hadn't even come close to the real thing.
He hesitated in his indecision about how to play this—after all, they had an audience and even though Allie had walked in on them, there was no reason for her to figure out that they'd eventually finished what she had interrupted. He was about to call out to them when Ava glanced ahead to the street. Her eyes widened visibly even from where he stood and her steps skidded to a halt.
He couldn't stop the wide grin from spreading across his face at the sight of her. This was what he'd been wanting for almost a week and now that it was finally here, he almost didn't know what to do with it. So instead of dealing with the emotions that were fucking with his head, he ducked his head underneath the hood of the Neon to do a quick engine check and survey the damage. Avoidance seemed like the easiest option until she was standing right in front of him.
"Hi, Jax!" Allie's bright voice chirped out and he glanced up to find Allie standing right in front of him, with Ava hanging off to the side. He tugged a hand nervously through his hair and didn't miss the fact that Ava was chewing mindlessly on her bottom lip. This was going to be more difficult to tread than he thought.
"Hey, Allie, Ava," he grinned back to them, not wanting either to pick up on his anxiety. "Car troubles again, Allie?"
"Yeah, it just kinda died on us."
"Allie, he can't do anything to help you if you don't tell him what really happened…" Ava trailed off softly when her eyes shifted to nervously settle on him. "The steering wheel locked up on her and she was just able to pull over before the engine shut off."
Apparently, Allie's car bills were about to get even steeper.
"Sounds like a problem with the starter," he speculated as he leaned back against the hood.
"Is that expensive?" Allie asked in a hushed whisper.
"Sorry, little darlin'," he nodded with a wince. "The cost of a new starter is probably more than what this whole thing is worth at this point."
"Shit," Allie cursed and rubbed her eyes in agitation. Ava slung an arm over her shoulder and he had to smile at the interaction.
"Don't worry," Ava reassured her quietly, her eyes darted every few seconds back to him as she spoke. "We'll figure this out—I know you need a car. Don't freak out just yet."
"Why don't I get everything all set here and you ladies wait for me in truck, alright?" he offered. "Then we can sort all this out."
That seemed to curb the imminent nervous breakdown Allie was sure to suffer the second Gemma informed her that his original conjecture about the value of the Neon was spot-on. After he had the car secured behind the truck, he stepped around the side to pull open the driver's side door and a slow smirk slipped onto his lips when he realized that Ava had somehow gotten relegated to the middle of the seat with Allie grinning smugly up at him next to the passenger side window. Ava stared stiffly straight ahead as he slid in next to her. With a quick inhale, her sweet perfume filled his nostrils and he quickly realized that maybe having her this close and not being able to touch her was worse than not seeing her at all. His hands were practically twitching he wanted to touch her so bad.
The ride back to TM was probably one of the most uncomfortable things he'd ever experienced in his life—and that included walking in on Tig and that stripper with a strap-on. The worst part was he just couldn't think of anything to say that didn't involve a futile attempt at convincing Ava to reconsider cutting him off. Mindless conversation wasn't really on his radar right now.
Thankfully though, his mother put Allie out of her misery pretty quickly—only to set her off on a new wave of panic that she was better off totaling the Neon than paying for a new starter. He didn't need to be told twice to drive them back to Ava's house but unfortunately, the ride was even more awkward with Allie's quiet sniffling by the passenger window. This would not be an appropriate time to subtly brush his thigh against Ava's or lean a little too much to the right until their shoulders were touching.
When he pulled into Ava's driveway, Allie wasted no time in jumping out of the car and jogging towards the front door with her phone already attached to her ear and he could hear her venting to a friend even from the driveway.
Ava shifted anxiously next to him and he was suddenly acutely aware that she was only inches away from him. All he had to do was reach out and he'd be able to run his fingers up along her smooth thigh and inside the space in between her shorts and her underwear. It was then that he noticed her chest was heaving rapidly next to him and her breath was shaky, coming in and out in short rasps. He was clearly having the same effect on her as she was on him.
That was all the convincing he needed to gingerly slide his palm over until his fingers closed over her thigh. She jumped at the contact and her head whipped around, her eyes blazing with the same look he'd seen radiating from her in the motel room. He couldn't stop his fingers from slowly working their way up until they dipped inside the edge of her shorts when her hand abruptly pushed his fingers away.
"Jax…" she whispered hoarsely. "We can't…"
He swallowed and nodded—she was right; they were out in the open right now and careless groping in her driveway wouldn't solve this problem. "I'm sorry; I guess I couldn't help myself."
She chewed nervously on her bottom lip and he could see the struggle emanating in her eyes.
"How have you been doin'? Everything alright?" While he sincerely wanted to know the answer to those questions, he also just wanted to get her talking. This moment was something he'd been running through in his head for the past week and he couldn't blow it now.
"I've been fine," she murmured and he shifted so that his hip pressed into her. Just that little bit of contact seemed to completely take over his senses and he almost lost his shit right there.
"That's good to hear."
That was all he could come up with; this emotionally charged situation wasn't anything like an awkward encounter with the one-night stand you thought you'd never see again. This was different—he wanted to keep seeing her but that wasn't exactly in the cards.
"Thanks for the ride, Jax," she was saying now. "I know it's your job but I appreciate it anyways."
"No problem, darlin'."
When she started to slide towards the passenger side door, his hand shot out to pull her back towards him. She didn't resist and he took that as a good sign.
"Hey—you gonna be at the fight tonight?"
All he wanted was just to know if he'd be able to see her again tonight. That would be enough.
"No," she shook her head. "I have to work—Eric isn't fighting anyways so my uncle let me off the hook tonight."
That completely threw a wrench in his plans and the wheels in his head worked overtime to come with something on the fly. He knew he didn't have much time left before she'd have to go back inside but there had to be something…
"What time do you get off?"
"Ray said he'll probably let me go around 1—apparently the fights deplete business a little on Saturday nights," her lips curved up in a small smile as she spoke and he resisted the urge to trace a thumb over her cheek.
"Alright."
She turned back to him one last time with a sad smile before pushing the passenger door open and stepping out onto her driveway. His heart tightened in his chest as he watched her disappear inside her house and figured, if everything went the way he hoped it would, that divine intervention he'd been searching for had just smacked him right in the face.
"I know…I know, there's no way my dad is ever gonna give me any money for another car…"
Allie's frustrated, panicked voice shot out from the hallway and Ava sighed, wishing that her words weren't so true. Working at the American Eagle in the mall wasn't going to help Allie pay for another car anytime soon—at least not a decent one—especially since she had a sneaking suspicion that her cousin blew the majority of her paychecks on 'work clothes' anyways. As she cut through the living room, she was grateful to the hysterical cousin distraction right now. If she didn't need to shift into damage control mode, she would have to deal with the fact that she was still shaken and practically trembling from that intense, albeit brief, interaction with Jax in the truck.
Ava carefully ventured over to where her cousin was standing in the hallway with her back to her and opened her mouth to attempt some semblance of comfort but quickly snapped it shut at Allie's next words:
"I know, Tyler…I know…I don't know if I'll be able to get there tonight; Ava has to work so…." Allie trailed off as she turned on her heel. Her eyes widened when she realized Ava was standing right there and she abruptly ended the call with the guy on the other end.
After a moment of thick silence, Ava figured she needed to start somewhere. "So…who's Tyler?"
"Can we not do this right now? I kinda just had my whole life turned upside down and you're not helping but asking me stupid questions," Allie shot back hotly.
"Whoa," Ava held her hands up in defense. "First of all—stop being so dramatic. A broken down car isn't the end of your life. In case you forgot, I have a perfectly good vehicle that I'd be happy to share as long as you're nice to me. Second—who is Tyler?"
"In case you forgot," Allie pointed an angry finger at her. "I start volleyball on Monday and then school starts in another week and I have to be able to get to all of those places and I can't now because that stupid piece of shit decided to be a fucking pain in my ass and I don't have any money to get another one because I'm still paying for that stupid accident!"
Try as she might, Ava couldn't keep herself from biting her lip to stop her grin. These overly-dramatic hysterics were pretty entertaining and even though she got it—Allie was going to be a junior in high school and needed some freedom, especially from her father-this really wasn't the end of the world. They would figure something out and she really had no problem sharing until they came up with a plan.
"Stop laughing at me, Ava. It's not funny."
"Alright, alright…I'm sorry. You're right—look, I don't have to work on Monday so you can take my car to practice. I'll double-check the schedule tonight but I'm pretty sure I don't go in until later for the rest of the week anyways so that means you'll be back from practice in plenty of time before I have to go into work. We'll figure this out, Allie—you just have to stay with me here."
That seemed to calm her and Ava could see her shoulders visibly relax. Allie loosened her vice-grip on her phone and the color rushed back into her knuckles. If she could just keep her sane long enough, they could sit down at work out a schedule for sharing her car until they had enough money to get Allie another car. She reached out and pulled Allie into a quick hug, rubbing her back soothingly.
"Feel better now?"
Allie nodded quietly and blew out a deep breath. "Yeah, thanks."
"So…you wanna tell me who Tyler is?"
A mischievous glint crept up in Allie's eyes and she knew she was in the shit now. "Sure—but only if you tell me what's going on with you and Jax."
Well, two could play at this game.
"Fine," Ava smirked back at her. "You first. I take it he's not 'just a friend', right? Why didn't you tell me about him?"
Allie pushed out a forlorn sign and glanced down at her feet. "It doesn't matter anyways—it's not like I can really be with him."
"What do you mean?"
"You know there's no way my dad would ever let me date…he's just so fucking controlling. It's not fair—we can't do anything without a group of people with us. That's the only way I can get my dad to let me do anything and even then I have to beg and plead to get him to let me go any place that's not work or your house."
Ava felt her heart drop into her stomach…she had no idea this had been going on. That explained why Allie was always rushing off to go to the mall or the movies—that was the only way she could see him. She'd thought that her presence in Charming alone was enough to keep her uncle off of Allie's back and it seemed like she was wrong. Now, it was a surprise he was even allowing her to play volleyball since he was working at taking away anything good in his daughter's life—it was like he got off on that, like he took pleasure in their pain and that was probably truer than she wanted to know. It appeared as if her uncle's domineering demands didn't begin and end with her and he was essentially keeping both of them prisoner to his will. He was actively dictating both their lives and she would be damned if she let him get the shackles around his daughter any tighter.
"Why didn't you tell me, Allie? We can figure this out too…there's no reason why you can't really be with him. You just have to get creative."
"If my dad ever found out—shit, Ava, I wouldn't be able to leave the house for the rest of my life."
Ava just shrugged. "I've got a house—now, before you get too excited, I'm not saying you two can be here by yourselves but when I'm here, I don't see why he can't be here too every once and a while."
Allie's face broke out into a bright, wide grin. "Really?"
"Sure," she laughed. "Why should we both be miserable, right?"
The smile slipped off of her cousin's face. "Oh right…because you can't be with Jax."
Shit. She was hoping Allie would've forgotten about that...so much for wishful thinking.
"Nothing is going on with him, Allie."
"Yeah, right," she snorted. "Like I'm supposed to believe that? You were like a zombie in the truck with him before…and I thought he was going to pull over and jump on you right in front of me. Nothing going on my ass."
She huffed a little at that—there was nothing going on. What had happened between her and Jax was a one-time thing and that didn't classify it as 'something going on between them'. Despite her best efforts to convince herself otherwise, she knew, deep down, that she would give anything to change this situation. If the risk wasn't there, if there was no danger involved for her or Allie, she wouldn't hesitate to continue sleeping with him. It had been difficult to do just about anything the past week without conjuring up images from the few hours they'd spent together—the way he'd lightly trailed his fingers down her skin, his deep, consuming kiss, the intense waves of heat he'd sent rushing through her entire body, even his expert maneuvering to unclasp her bra—it was all etched in her mind and there was nothing she could do about it.
"I know it's not exactly the same thing as me and Tyler," Allie was saying now. "But you guys obviously want to be together so why not?"
"It's not that simple," she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. If only it was…they wouldn't be having this conversation right now. "It's not the same as you dating a boy from school—if you think your dad would lose his shit over that, can you imagine what would happen if he knew Jax and I were…"
"Screwing?" Allie finished for her with a sly shrug. "If you think Tyler and I can get away with hanging out here without anyone knowing, why can't you meet up with Jax somewhere without anyone knowing too?"
That girl was just too fucking smart for her own good. If she didn't know any better, she'd be willing to bet that Allie already suspected that her and Jax had went beyond what she'd walked in on. The longer they talked about this, the more she would consider what her wise-beyond-her-years cousin was suggesting. Time to get back to reality.
"You and I both know that things with your dad and Samcro are on pretty thin ice—if the wrong person found out, this could get ugly really quickly and I don't think you realize how bad it could get. Your dad is…"
"Ruthless? Cold? Calculating?" Allie offered helpfully.
"All of the above and then some."
"Okay," Allie reasoned. "But that's a big if, isn't it? I mean, come on, Ava—if Jax was looking at me the way he was looking at you in the truck today…man, I don't think I would be spending too much time worrying about all of that other stuff."
Allie's words were still swimming around in her head when she started her shift at Lucky's later that night. She felt like she was in a daze as she wiped down table after table and was grateful Ray had charged her with such a mindless task. The bar wasn't too crowded and she figured the fight that was currently going down outside of Charming's city limits had something to do with that. If the bar had been busy, she might have lost her mind a little.
No matter what she did to distract herself, the same question kept bouncing around in her mind: just how much a risk would it be if she and Jax kept meeting? The motel had worked out pretty nicely and there was nothing to say they couldn't switch it up every once and a while to maintain a little anonymity—even though some of that was futile anyways due to Jax's Harley and leather cut. But late at night, there wasn't anyone hanging around that would care enough to ask questions. Maybe they needed to venture out even further away from Charming; if they were careful and stayed in control, they could easily slip under the radar, couldn't they? On some level, it really wouldn't be that much different from what Allie was facing with this boy she liked. What they needed was a place to go where they would be shielded away from the reach of Samcro and the Nords and she was starting to feel like they could find that outside of Charming. And then when they were back in town, they could just pretend like they hardly knew each other—and the tension she'd endured earlier today with him would be gone.
She was sure the anxiety she'd felt around him centered around the fact that she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him—as well as berating herself for giving in to the one thing she couldn't have. It was worse than the tease she'd experienced the night they'd almost stupidly gave in at her house. She figured there would always be a little anxiety about getting caught-that thrill was part of what had pushed her over the brink in the first place-but that was a concession she was starting to warm up to.
When the door swung open and Jax stepped through the threshold, his eyes searching, she almost dropped the rag she was holding. Her eyes flew to the clock above his head and bit her lip to hide her smile when she realized he'd shown up exactly a half hour before her shift ended. When her gaze shifted back to him, heat pooled in her stomach as she took in the slow, lazy smirk that had spread across his face. That sexy smirk stayed right where it was as he sauntered over to the bar, a hand digging into his back pocket for his cigarette pack.
She didn't need to be told twice. A moment later, she swept the long-forgotten rag off the table and practically sprinted back behind the bar until they were face to face. He was perched calmly on a bar stool, his hands folded out in front of him, and his grin had only grown broader.
"Well," he leaned forward a little as he spoke. "If it isn't my favorite bartender…long time no see, huh?"
It took her a moment to gather her bearings and recover.
"Stalking me again? Wow…you never know when to quit, do you?" Her lips curved up as she spoke. She abruptly turned on her heel to grab an ice cold Bud Light from the case behind her and set it down in front of him with a triumphant grin.
His eyebrows rose suggestively at that. "Who's the stalker now, darlin'?"
"I'm just very observant…that's all."
He grinned again as he brought a cigarette to his lips and nodded to Ray as he past them. She knew she needed to get back to work—if she was really leaving in a half hour, there were some things she needed to finish first—but her feet were rooted right where she stood.
"So…did you leave the fight early or something?"
He shifted his lips so he didn't blow a stream of smoke in her face and shrugged. "It was over a little while ago—Tig beat the shit out of that kid…I wish you could've seen your uncle's face."
"I can imagine he wasn't very happy about that development." She grinned at the thought of her uncle's beet red, infuriated face. Uncle Ernie had to have been absolutely irate at the result of the fight and that knowledge only served to spike her adrenaline up a few more notches.
"Well, they're down two wins now—it wasn't all that exciting actually. The kid was down in about two punches, not like it was really much of a fair fight anyways."
"So you're here…"
His lips curved up as he took a pull from his beer bottle. "I'm here, darlin'…right at the end of your shift, huh?"
"Yeah, only about a half hour left if I get everything done."
His eyes never left hers as he set the bottle down in front of him. "Do what you need to do, darlin'. I'll be right here."
The implication of his words was not lost on her and Allie's words came snapping back to her—with the way his sparking eyes scaled over her and with the way her heart was stuttering in her chest, she didn't think she'd be able to do much of anything but follow Jax wherever he wanted to go and she had a feeling she knew exactly where he was going as soon as her shift was over. As she went back to her cleaning duties and left him at the bar with his beer and his cigarette, she was very aware that his eyes never strayed too far from her.
She knew exactly why he was here; even if she hadn't been contemplating the very same thing herself, the fact that he'd shown up here alone more than gave him away. Now that he was here and sitting only a few feet away from her, all of her reservations were a distant memory. There was no way she could keep this man at arm's length—she'd only managed to last a week and it had been one of the most frustrating, self-imposed torturous weeks of her life. There was only one way to alleviate that problem and the solution was sitting directly across from her. She'd been fighting a losing battle by attempting to cut him off from her; that clearly hadn't gone very well for either of them.
With five minutes left to go before she could leave, Jax finished the last of his second beer and tossed a few bills down onto the counter. She gingerly swept up his bottle and his money and bit her lip when he winked at her as he pushed himself off the stool. When the door closed behind him, she had a brief moment of panic now that he was gone. Suddenly, the fact that they had no plan to speak of was particularly worrying.
So when Ray gave her the okay to get out of there for the night, she grabbed her purse from under the counter with a shaky breath. Was he waiting for her out there? Was she just supposed to go the motel? Their habit of nonverbal and round-a-bout communication was suddenly very annoying. None of what had happened between them had been spoken aloud by either of them and that presented a problem now.
As she stepped out into the empty, dimly lit parking lot, she dug into her purse for her cigarette pack. She really needed to quit smoking…she'd managed it so well for the last couple years but after coming back to Charming, those efforts had all been shot to shit. Her fingers brushed against the carton deep within her purse but her head shot up at the sound of a low whistle to her left.
Jax was leaning up against his bike, his arms crossed over his chest and he waved her over. "Did I scare ya, Ava?"
"I wasn't sure if you were still here," she replied quietly and froze in place when she realized that he had pushed himself off his bike and was now stalking towards her. A hand shot out to her elbow and then he was leading her around the corner of the building into the shadowy darkness. The second they were safely hidden, her back hit the brick wall behind her and his lips descended on her as both his hands closed around her face. She hadn't realized how much she'd needed him like this—how much she'd missed it—and her hands twisted in his hair to draw him closer. She hitched a leg around his waist to accommodate him and almost cried out from the relief of having him back in between her legs. When a rough, calloused hand travelled down to grip her ass, she sighed against his lips.
He abruptly pulled his lips away and rested his forehead against hers, blowing out a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Ava…I just…I can't not have this; I don't think I'm gonna be able to settle for one time. I know you said we can't but—"
She cut him off by pressing a hard kiss into his lips and his eyebrows rose in surprise.
"I know what I said," she murmured into his lips. "But I can't do it either."
He tilted his head back to get a better look at her and brushed a wayward strand of hair off her face. "El Rancho motel?"
She nodded with a small smile, still unable to believe she was really doing this. After all her mental deliberations, it had all come down to this and here she was, taking the advice of a sixteen-year-old. But as she closed her eyes at the feel of his breath in her ear and his hands on her face, she knew that same sixteen-year-old had made a lot of sense.
"I got the details," he was saying now and pulled her hips up against him again as he spoke. "Just meet me there as soon as you can, alright?"
"I'm leaving right now."
His lips curved up into a smile. "Good—me too."
Jax blew out a long stream of smoke and leaned his head down to rest against Ava's still sweaty forehead, his fingers lightly tracing over the butterfly tattoo on her lower back. Her naked body curled into him at the contact and her fingers continued their ministrations on his bare chest. The heaving in her chest had calmed a little but he could still feel her rapid heart beat against his side. He'd thought the first time they'd had sex was pretty fantastic but this time had just built on that—they were more familiar which each other's bodies and they were now past the initial awkwardness that came along with this. There was no hesitation and he had a better idea of where to touch her, which places to trail light fingers over and which places to apply more speed and pressure and when she pulsed around him, she'd dug her fingernails into his back and cried out in release. There was nothing fucking hotter than that.
Of course, she'd picked up on what he needed with just as much deftness and he knew it was going to take him awhile to shake the intensity that had shuddered through his entire body when he came in her. While he didn't typically make a habit of comparing the women he'd bedded over the years, there just was no comparison with her. With Wendy—there was reliability and routine and little surprise. But she was always around when he needed her and that was exactly why he kept her on the sidelines. Maybe it was just because this was new and different and exciting but he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt thoroughly satisfied like this after sex.
There'd always been a bit of emptiness in the nights he spent with women in his dorm, always like there should be something more with the act. As Ava nestled her cheek into his shoulder, he wondered if maybe this was what it was supposed to feel like, if he was supposed to want her to stay in his arms like this for the rest of the night as opposed to throwing her clothes at her on her way out of his dorm. All he knew was that he wanted to stay—that he didn't want to leave her tonight. This motel room wasn't anything special but he felt relaxed here and separated from Charming. He'd never thought he'd ever feel that way about his town but he felt it now.
"When did you get this?" He murmured into her hair as his fingers trailed over her tattoo again.
She laughed against his lips and leaned into his shoulder. "I was 18 and stupid. I guess I just wanted to prove my independence to Isabelle."
"Who's Isabelle?" He frowned.
"My aunt's best friend…she send me to live with her in San Francisco when I was fourteen." There was something in her voice that suggested there was more to this story and something flashed across her eyes that worried him.
"That was when you left Charming, right?"
She nodded into his shoulder again. "Yeah."
Seeing her need for a change in subject, he lifted up his arm and gestured towards the tattoo on his forearm. "I got this one when I turned 18 too—it's for my dad."
Her finger trailed lightly over the ink on his skin and he had to suppress a shiver at the feeling. "I like it. I bet that Reaper on your back took forever…"
He nodded, an image of him stuck in that tattoo chair for hours washed over his mind. "Yeah, it did."
"How many times did you have to go back?"
"I did it all in one sitting."
Her eyes widened at his words and her mouth dropped open slightly. "What? That's crazy…that had to have taken…"
"About eight hours," he smiled into her hair. "I wanted to prove to Clay and everyone else that I could take it…that I wasn't gonna have anything just handed to me because of who my dad was. I wanted them to know I was serious about patchin' in."
"That's some bad-ass shit, Jax. Eight hours? I barely survived the hour it took to get that stupid butterfly." She laughed against him, her head tilting up so she could meet him in the eye. Her blue eyes were sparkling up at him and his heart tightened in his chest just from that one look.
"Yeah, well, I'm glad you did it—it's fuckin' sexy."
She just laughed again and snuggled up even closer to him. At this point, they were completely tangled up in each other and it felt like every inch of him was somehow touching her body. There was still the underlying notion that he'd never completely been this way with a woman before—the physical and emotional intimacy—and that he wasn't tearing himself off the bed to get as far away from her as possible was something he would have to wrestle with later.
"How much longer can you stay?" She whispered into his shoulder.
He chewed on his bottom with a glance towards the alarm clock and frowned. It was already past three and his excuse for his absence at the clubhouse was probably set to expire soon. He ran a tired hand over his face and wished that they could just stay. It would be so much easier but on the other hand, it would only make an already complicated situation even more fucked up.
"I think I could stay a little bit longer if you can," he offered, not wanting to get out of bed just yet.
She grinned up at him and then settled back into his shoulder, lightly running her fingertips along his skin. "I think I could manage that."
He rolled himself over until he could press a light kiss into her lips and she chuckled as she wrapped a hand around his neck. He kissed her long and slow, memorizing the feel of her soft lips, the way her mouth parted to give him easier access—he didn't know when they would get the chance to do this again and knew he would need these images to last him until they could meet up again. He pulled his lips away from her mouth and starting working his way down to her neck, leaving a wet trail from her jaw-line down to the soft crevice in her neck. When she sighed against his cheek, he grinned into her fragrant skin.
"When can we do this again, Jax?" She exhaled.
"I thought you'd never ask, darlin'," he grinned down at her. "I've got some club shit to take care of next week but I can work around it…what about Monday? Same time, same place?"
She shook her head quickly and he pushed down the brief moment of panic that threatened to grab hold of him. He didn't know which part of that she was saying no to and he wasn't going to sink ever deeper by contemplating the fact that she could be saying no to all of it.
"I'm closing on Monday—that would probably be pretty late for both of us to get there. I'm off Tuesday though."
He frowned as his brain worked through this—he was going on a three day protection run on Tuesday and he'd originally wanted to make sure he could see her before he left but it looked like they were going to have some scheduling issues. There was no way he could wait until after he got back—besides, he'd be due to make an appearance at the clubhouse on Friday and would most likely be unable to slip away unnoticed. His presence was rightfully mandatory and he needed to be careful with how often he went missing.
"Monday has to be it then—I'm not gonna be around for the rest of the week and I don't want to have to wait until after I get back to see you again."
"Okay," she smiled up at him and he traced his thumb across her cheek before leaning down to kiss her again. "What do you say anyways—you know when you picked me up that night, last week after the fight, tonight…where do you say you're going?"
"Nobody's even asked until after I get back," he shrugged. "But if someone does—like tonight—I just said I was goin' for a ride, which isn't completely a lie, right?"
She chuckled and swatted him playfully in the chest. "I think it would be more accurate to say I was going for a ride but I get it…I was thinking—maybe we should try finding a different motel. We still need to be careful, Jax."
"You're right," he nodded in thought. "But I think as long as we keep our shit together, don't raise up any suspicions, change up the place—like you said—I think we're in the clear, babe."
She smiled again and lifted her head up to kiss him. "I'll figure something out and let you know."
"I take it you need to get goin', Ava?" He didn't want to leave just yet but at some point, they were going to have to part ways tonight.
"Probably."
He nodded as she rolled away from him and tossed the blankets back so she could slip out of bed. Leaning back against the pillow, he quickly mashed out his spent cigarette so he could focus on watching her put her clothes back on—it would've been just as hot as watching her take them off except for the fact that it meant they would be leaving soon. When she was fully clothed and running her hands through her sex-tangled hair, he grimaced as he pushed himself out of bed and blew out an exasperated sigh.
As he zipped his fly and threw his cut back on, he put another cigarette to his lips just for good measure. He'd be able to work out this nervous anxiousness on the ride back into Charming but for now, he wasn't prepared to let her see that he didn't quite have his shit together here. He'd thought this would be easy—that he'd meet her here and they would have their fun and then they'd both leave and go back to their separate lives. Even waiting until Monday night seemed it was going to be difficult and that was just two days. Nothing could ever really be simple though.
"The room's in your name so you'd better go check us out," her soft voice floated around him and when he glanced up, his gaze collided with her somber sapphire eyes.
"Right," he strode up next to her and rested a hand on her neck, running his thumb on her cheek.
"We're really gonna do this, huh?" Her voice was soft and the touch of hesitancy he heard immediately threw him off guard. His face must have mirrored his brief panic when her eyes widened and her hands went around his neck to reassure him.
"I didn't mean it like that," she whispered up at him. "I guess I'm just still a little…unsure of how to go about this. But that doesn't mean I still don't want to…"
He blew out the breath he hadn't know he was holding and felt instantly relieved that she didn't feel pressured to do something she didn't want to do. That was the last thing he wanted but he couldn't blame her for the momentary hesitation—they were treading on some dangerous territory here in more ways than one. He had never needed to sneak around before so navigating around that was going to take careful, precise planning and execution to not put her in the line of fire. He couldn't lose his head here and he needed to remember that.
"So…Monday?"
"Monday." She affirmed with a small smile.
He swallowed tightly when she started stepping to the door and he had a sudden urge to pull her back and haul her ass back to bed with him. But that wasn't going to solve anything—it would only serve to delay the inevitable. So instead of throwing her over his shoulder, he reached out until his fingers gently pulled her back to him. He laid both hands around her face and kissed her one more time before letting her step out into the night and back to reality.