Disclaimer: I do not own star trek it belongs to paramount, or the poems in this chapter they belong to Lenard Nimoy I just wanted to share them with you.

Nineteen, so young really. Spock had known that when he had first started to notice Nyota. He had known it when he had first started their relationship but somewhere along the way that knowledge had been lost. However intelligent and mature Nyota seemed she had only just entered into adulthood. Technically so had he, he had only reached sexual maturity three years previous. But he was not the one who would have to deal with his body changing or the labour, the feeding. However much he tried to support her there were certain things he would not be able to do. She thought that she had ruined her life and she blamed him. Hadn't she said before she had met him she had been on the path to being a communications officer? She would have made it. She had all the right traits and that unbending determination. Now, she didn't know what her future was going to hold for her. He understood that feeling, he had experienced some form of it when he had first come to Earth but then he had known he had the abilities to determine his own future.

Spock sat up in his bed with a sigh; he buried his face in his hands. He had never felt so torn. Having spent the afternoon and most of the night considering it he now understood Nyota's point of view. But he did not assign to it, he was happy, there were a thousand logical reasons why he shouldn't be, they had a legal battle coming up to insure that the academy would recognize their relationship and allow him to continue teaching and Nyota to continue studying, but he was happy. Happy and worried in equal measures and he could not seem to resolve or suppress or even drain them off a little. It had been years since his emotions had affected him this badly and he felt himself needing something. If Nyota were with him, if she had not left for summer and if it were not she who was influencing his emotions, if it were any other person he would call Nyota to talk to her about it. But she was gone and even if he did call her he suspected they would end up arguing. He wondered if he should call his parents and talk to them about the situation, who else would understand this situation? His mother was the only Human to have married a Vulcan and had a child with a Vulcan. Who better to understand this lack of communication. Would Nyota tell her parents? For some reason he didn't think so.

29th May

He almost ignored the ringing of his office com system. All day various departments had been ringing him asking for last minute favors. Although there were only two days of exams left it would be another week before most of the academy could set off on their holidays or their short-term missions. The result was lots of various people trying to offload their responsibilities on him so they could go off early. He had been dodging these request all morning in-between marking exam papers, he had accepted two assignments one to give a guest lecture on a topic he found interesting, the other was more classifications of biological samples. Sealing himself to at least be polite despite his annoyance and slight preoccupation Spock turned the com system on. His heart seemed to skip several beats when he saw Nyota's face filling the screen.

"Nyota."

"Hi Spock."

"Hello."

"I thought I'd call to let you know that I arrived safely at my parent house."

"Thank you for informing me."

They stared across the screens at each other for a moment. Spock felt some awkwardness between them, he felt as if anything he said could anger her. He did not know how to reach passed this barrier between them, why were there always barriers?

" Nyota, I have thought about your response to you finding out about your condition and I now believe that I understand your emotional reaction. I was however at the time preoccupied with my own insuppressible emotional reaction."

She had held her hand up as he had been speaking.

"Spock, I'm glad you're happy. I want you to be happy. Someone should be happy. I guess.. I'm just preoccupied with my own insuppressible emotional reaction."

Spock nodded.

"Do you think you will gain happiness from this situation at a later date? I have often read that woman's emotions are unstable over time."

He saw Nyota stiffen at his words. Her eyes drifted downwards and he knew that she would be twiddling her fingers together in that nervous little way she had.

" I'll.. I'll try."

Spock nodded.

"It is all I can ask. Know that I shall always be receptive to your needs and remain for the majority of the holiday relatively close to a com system."

"Okay."

" You are well?"

"Yes Spock." She sighed and glanced over her shoulder, that one little action told him that she had not informed her parents as of yet. " I have a little morning sickness."

"Did the doctor you saw here give you any remedies for it?"

"No, he was mostly just confirming the stage of the..." She looked down again. "Confirming that I am actually.."

" Why is the word so difficult for you to say?"

''Because it makes me face up to a reality I never thought I'd have to face."

"Never?"

" Well, not.. Not until I'd had a good career, landed a good position. Not for another ten or fifteen years."

" I understand that you feel this is the wrong time, we are both young for our species but Surek teaches us to accept the things we cannot change."

She glanced over her shoulder again as if in response to hearing something.

"Spock I have to go."

" Very well."

He hesitated for a moment then spoke quickly as he saw her hand rise towards the side of the screen to turn it off.

"Nyota, I, You know how I feel for you."

She froze not meeting his eye as she gave a small bittersweet smile.

"I think I do."

The screen went blank and Spock was left to go back to marking his papers and trying not to think about Nyota's words.

1st June

He flicked open the book of poems Nyota had given him on his birthday. He flicked through the pages, there were certain poems that made him feel closer to Nyota even when absent from her. They had lay together and read these poems to each other and now that shining bond twinkled that little bit brighter when he read them. He found the first of those poems printed plainly in unadorned black ink.

I have seen

the beauty of love

in your face

I have met

the joy of existence

in your being

I have found

the eternity of life

in your presence

I have touched

The fulfillment

Of perpetual grace

And it is you

All of it

Is you

Spock put the book down and sighed, she should be here with him.

3rd June

Chris looked over the top of his glass at him. Spock ignored him pretending to be listening intently to the music going on in the background. When Chris continued to stare he turned his head to watch the female singer on stage as she sung lyrics about making love in a cornfield.

" You don't seem like yourself tonight Spock." Chris finally said.

"Have we not had this conversation before?"

Chris stared at him for a moment then took a sip of his whiskey.

"Problems with the missus."

"How do you know?"

" Everything that's affected you of late has been to do with your young lady."

Spock barely held back a wince at the words.

"She is young." He said quietly.

Chris looked at him and raised his eyebrows.

"A little I suppose but people grow fast at the academy, it's the experiences and responsibilities. "

"But in other ways?"

"Spock, what is this about?" Chris leveled him with a look that most cadets squirmed under but Spock was not a cadet.

"I desire your opinion. Is Nyota mature enough to cope with all facets of my relationship with her and any possibilities that might arise from our relationship?"

"All couples, no matter what age have their immature arguments from time to time."

" Vulcan's do not."

"You're not both Vulcan's. You had a chance to marry a Vulcan."

"I am aware of that."

"And you said her mind was cold and unwelcoming. You're half Vulcan half human and Nyota's human. You are going to have some fights from time to time."

" I should be able to come up with a logical solution to all our arguments."

" Did your parents always come up with logical solutions to their arguments?"

Spock froze remembering all the times he used to sit in the hallway listening to his mother shouting at his father and his fathers cool logical responses. Eventually his mother would storm out the room and there would be icy silence in the house for days afterwards.

" Do you suggest that I find an illogical solution?" Spock asked wondering if such a thing even existed.

"How about you just tell her that you're here for her and you want to work things out then just sit back and wait for her to be ready to talk. Times a great healer."

" She keeps asking me to give her time."

"Then give her what she needs."

"I would never withhold anything she desires from her, if it is in my abilities to provide it that is."

"Then you have your answer."

"You would usually try and persuade me to drink chocolate laced drinks in these situations."

Chris went a little red.

" Lets not go there."

"Is this because of the Vulcan port incident?"

"Spock. We do not mention the port incident."

"But you do not want me to get drunk because you are afraid I will make sexual advances towards you again. "

Chris stood up.

" End of date bud." He said downing his drink and slamming it on the table.

" Chris." Spock called as he walked away. "Do you want me to give you time?"

" You're a right arse sometimes you know."

5th June

He knew he was meant to leave Nyota alone but as he had not had a message from her in four days he was starting to feel anxious. He knew that she was not in any danger as despite their distance he could still feel her quite strongly in his mind. But despite this knowledge, he needed to see her face. It took him a moment to recall her house number. A young man he had never seen before answered. His eyes flickered over Spock. The man had hazel eyes that stood out against his dark skin, a strong jaw, his hair was cropped short, his nose very familiar.

" Nyota Star Fleets on the phone."

" You are Peter, Nyota's brother?"

" Yeah. He looked over Spock one more time then his eyes focused on the tips of his ears. " Oh, you're Spock, her friend she's mentioned you from time to time."

" Yes. "

" It's good to put a face to the name." He glanced to the left. " It's Spock."

" Send it to my room." Spock heard Nyota's voice.

" Bye." Peter said with a small smile and the screen went blank for just over a minute.

Nyota looked weary as she opened the link, she gave a small smile and he knew it took her a lot of effort.

" I am sorry that I contacted you I just want to know that you are alright."

"It's okay Spock. It's good too see you. I'm sorry I didn't message you everything's up in the air as my brothers family came for a surprise visit."

Spock slowly nodded.

" How is your brothers family?"

Nyota shifted uncomfortably.

" You are usually happy when you are around your brothers family."

" Akina is teething she cry's all night."

Spock nodded, he knew that she was not only tired from the toddlers crying but that it also was acting as a reminder of her own approaching motherhood.

" Remember how much you love her. How much you enjoyed holding and playing with her. How happy you are when she calls you Neeta. Think about being called mama, Ko-Mekh."

" Spock." She sighed.

"You have found a good fertility doctor there?"

" I've been to see my family doctor."

" Doe he have any experience in mixed genetic fetuses?"

" No. But he has known me since I was a baby. His a good doctor."

" You don't need a good general practitioner Nyota you need a good fertility doctor."

" I'm handling it Spock." Her tone said it was the end of the conversation but he had a few more questions he had to ask to set his mind at ease.

" Is the child well?"

He felt the flash of panic quickly suppressed in Nyota's mind. It shocked him as it was covered up with a strange feeling of wellness that was cracking around the edges.

" Nyota? What are you hiding?"

" I'm not hiding anything Spock."

" You are, I get the sense you are hiding it from yourself as well as me."

" I'm not hiding anything Spock. The doctor said that the tests were a little unusual, but I guess that's to be expected it is a mixed genetic... it is going to have some weird test results."

" Unusual test results. Nyota I think you should come back to get the test redone by Doctor Newman."

" No, Spock, if something goes wrong Ill come back but I have to stay with my family. They won't understand I f I suddenly disappear for a few days in the middle of the holiday."

" When we were in Paris you said you wanted me to visit with your family during the summer months. I will be free to do so from next week."

" Can we leave it a while, perhaps you can come at the end of the break. August perhaps."

" I shall keep some time in August free then." He looked at Nyota sealing her image in his memory for the next few weeks.

" Bye Nyota, my t'yh'la."

" Bye Spock. " She sighed. " I will see you soon." She promised him.

The slight breeze smelt sweet to him. He closed his eyes and sniffed the air picking out the scent of hay and the very sight smell of raspberries and perfume. He opened his eyes and sat up his hands resting against the soft yet crisp grass. Sitting a few feet away was Nyota, she was wearing a white flowing dress with her loose hair tussled by the wind. She looked peaceful, serene more so than he had seen her in months. As he watched a small contented smile came to her face. Wondering at its cause he looked across the field in the direction she was staring. Seven meters away there were three small figures. Children, two girls, one tall and perhaps nine years of age the other perhaps four or five. They both wore identical white dresses, had milky brown complexions and deep brown eyes they looked almost mirror images of each other. The last child was a boy, brown curls falling over the tops of hiss ears, he had a lighter complexion than the girls and his eyes were an alluring hazel. He was tiny and uneasy on his feet, as Spock watched the children holding hands and turning in circles singing an old Vulcan rhyme he fell over his own feet and landed on the floor giving a short cry. Nyota stood up and started walking over but the two girls were already bent next to him whispering words of comfort. Nyota picked the little boy up and hugged him to her. She stroked his hair and once he had stopped crying stood him back on the floor where he immediately reached his hand out to his sisters to continue their game the song changing now to an old earth version.

"Ring a ring a roses

A pocket full of posies

A tissue a tissue

We all fall down."

Spock saw clouds on the horizon, he tried to call to Nyota to tell her that they had to leave before the storm hit. But she couldn't hear. The wind suddenly blew with harshness and it became cold. He took a couple of steps forwards but found that he was somehow at the same distance from her and the children. He stopped considered this and tried again this time at a run but he still didn't reach them or in fact move at all.

"Nyota!" He shouted in frustration.

He awoke in a sitting position as if moments before had sat bolt upright in panic. He was panting as if he had really been running he regained his breath and then got up. He still felt the panic and the frustration of the dream. He got out if bed, his meditation room had been well used of late.

7th June

Spock got off the public transport unit outside 's antique bookshop. With the summer break he thought he would catch up on his reading and after working out how long it would take to read everything that he had added to his reading list over the last year and figured out that given six point two hours given over to reading every day he would finish all the books with a week to spare. That meant that he needed more books. He would allow himself three of various lengths. The little bell tinkled as he opened the door to the cool musty smell he secretly loved. was stood on a footstool placing a book on one of the highest shelves he pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

" Ah, Mr. Spock. I have a book I thought your Miss Uhura would like to see."

" She has left for Africa."

" Already?" He gave a little frown. " She was going to come say goodbye to me before she left. I guess something came up."

" She did leave earlier than she expected too."

" Oh well. " He gave a little smile. " Perhaps you'll also find some humor in the book."

" I am willing to look at it."

" Good." Mr. San said stepping of the stool.

" Cup of tea?"

" Yes, thank you. I do plan on browsing through the entire contents of the shop today."

nodded and walked out the back door. The shelves were organized in genre and the alphabetical order. The fiction was ordered in centaury as well. Spock decided to start with 20th centaury science fiction. Those that he had read in the past had been fascinating and at time rather accurate.

Mr. San came back out after Spock had already picked out a book by an author called Asimov.

" Here it is." He said holding a book up to Spock.

Spock froze at the picture of the infant on the front. Why did think that Nyota would be interested in old book of childcare? For one a modern one would surly be much more efficient and secondly, despite the evidence that was presenting itself he could not understand why Nyota would choose to confide in the retired literature professor who she had stopped to have tea with on three occasions. Then he noticed the name at the top of the book, Doctor. Spock's Baby and Childcare. Spock felt the corner of his mouth twitch despite himself.

" I did not realize that Spock was also a Terran name."

" It's not a common one."

" May I read some passages?"

Mr. San gave a knowing smile.

" Ill leave it here." He said placing it down on one of the shelves. " Right tea." He said turning back around. Spock turned back to browsing the sci-fi shelves.

" I know it's quite an old one." Mr. San said turning back to Spock. " But that's the book I read when my first daughter was born. it served me and my wife through all of our eight children and thirteen grandchildren and two great grandchildren."

Spock nodded.

" You must be proud to have such a large number of descendants."

"I am. You know." He continued conversationally. " After my third child I always knew when my Yingbo was pregnant before she did. "

Spock didn't respond.

" Women really do glow in the early stages of pregnancy."

" I believe the influx of hormones promotes healthy skin and hair growth. " He picked up another book turning it over in his hands carefully. His eyes unwillingly flickered over to the baby book on the opposite shelf.

" I suppose that as it is your personal copy and has been of great use to you that it is not for sale."

"No . That is a gift for Miss Uhura. I trust you will give it to her."

" I will. Thank you." He said feeling a rush of gratefulness towards the man. He started to understand why Nyota had started visiting here. Mr. San's kindness and wisdom was evident.

As Spock walked around the shop he talked amicably with . They talked of a shared love of botany and Spock listened to talk proudly about his children and offered up a little about his life on Vulcan.

After three hours fifteen minutes and twelve seconds, and two cups of tea Spock had picked out his three books. He paid and had given his communication details and a list of out of print books he might be able to source then he said his goodbyes and left the shop. It wasn't until he left the shop he realized that he had not thought of Nyota in three hours, the longest he had gone without thinking of her in three weeks.

9th June

Spock slowed his pace as he walked back to his apartment from the biolab. He looked up at the stars as he walked, it was not usual for him to look up as he waked but tonight he felt he needed to. He wanted to feel a deeper connection with his bondmate; they had had such difficulties in communication over the last month. He had thought their communication problems had ended when they had first entered into a relationship. He had thought all problems previous to that had been due to his wanting to avoid entering such a deep relationship so early but of course he had been unable to avoid being drawn into her mind. And Nyota being confused by his avoidance paired with his obvious interest in her. The past month had suggested that their communication difficulties might have run deeper than that. He let his head fall and shook his head to stop his neck from getting stiff then he looked up at the stars again. Nyota saw the stars as intriguing and somewhat mystical they made her think of all the planets and all the possibilities on those planets. He tried to see her point of view, being able to understand how she perceived things more fully then they would communicate more effectively. But to him the stars were simple balls of gas under going nuclear fusion giving out light and heat energy as by products. He felt a slight breeze and quickened his pace to get into the welcome warmth of his heated apartment. He nodded at another lecturer as he passed through the foyer into the lift. He got out at his floor and walked the twenty-six paces to his apartment. He felt a strange tingle as he placed his palm against the door pad. He took a moment to consider that and then deciding he would set some time aside to investigate tomorrow he entered his apartment.

"Commander Spock." The electronic voice welcomed him as he walked in. He froze ready to listen; the computer only came on when he entered if there was a problem with his personal settings for the room or because he had a recorded com message.

"Recorded message." The computer confirmed. " Recorded number: Nyota Uhura Family home. Do you wish to play message now."

"Yes." Spock answered. There was a tightness in his chest he couldn't identify it's cause. As he sat down at his desk, the little screen popping up automatically he probed at that light in the back of his mind. What he found puzzled him. Although still there and still string some component of it seemed missing and it was as although the bond, the multiple strings of beings that twined together into a thick glowing light were starting to fray slightly. It was a worry and he felt the need to go see her and patch up those problems that had started in their marriage.

He had been expecting to see Nyota on the screen so he was a little surprised to see her father. Two seconds later he felt like he had been drenched in cold water. Nyota's father looked scared, truly scared and hardly hiding it.

"Commander Spock, I am sorry to disturb you. My daughter Nyota is seriously ill, I do not know what is wrong with her but yesterday she seemed to be suffering from a stomach ach and then she was short of breath but trying to hide it. " He looked down and swallowed a couple of times as if the words were difficult for him to say. " Then at dinner she gasped in pain, she went. …shaky and sweaty and she fainted. Before we could call the doctor she had come too and she rushed to her room and locked the door. She's done something to the locks so we can't get in. She won't see the doctor, there's no reasoning with her when she answers us she just cries. She's asking for you. Please come, I don't know what to .. Just please come."

Ko-Mekh: Vulcan for Mother.