Disclaimer: I don't own star trek, that belongs to paramount nor do I own the song Miss you in a heartbeat, that belongs to Def Leppard (Great song check it out on youtube), and I do not own the poem in this chapter that belongs to Lenard Nimoy ( A lifetime of love.) I'm not making a profit out of either.

Wow, people really do not like Nyota at the moment. I was aiming for people to feel a little angry at her and then forgive her in a few chapters ( when her frame of mind is revealed, the problems with writing from Spock's P.O.V you never truly know what Nyota is thinking) then she gets her strength back and turns into the slightly sarcastic, not always sweet, ass kicker that she is when dealing with Kirk ( and to a far lesser degree Spock) in the movie. But now people are hating her so much that's going to be a difficult feat ( Part of me just wants to have Spock hook up with Chris on the rebound, wouldn't that be a surprise ending?) But despite hating the secondary character people are still reading so I'll at least have a chance to repair Spock and Nyota's relationship and show how they manage to over come all this and grow together as a couple.

So, onto the last stretch, there was meant to be another four chapters and three epilogues. But it looks like there will be at least another six chapters to come, thank you to every body reading this whose waiting for the resolution you are indeed a very patient audience.

Chapter 40 Miss you in a heartbeat

I believe, that there's something deep inside
That shouldn't be from time to time.
I sure found out, you thought love was such a crime.
The more you care, the more you fall.

No need to worry, no need to turn away
'Cause it don't matter, anyway, baby

Chorus:
Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat.
Oooh, I miss you right away.
Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat.
'cause it ain't love, if it don't feel that way.
Oh, no.

When we touch, I just lose my self control,
a sense sensations I can't hide.
To love is easy, it ain't easy to walk away.
I keep the faith and there's a reason why.
Yeah.
No need to worry, no need to turn away
'Cause it don't matter, anyway, baby

Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat.
Oooh, I miss you right away.
Oooh, I miss you in a heartbeat.
'cause it ain't love, if it don't feel that way.

Now, I ain't big on promises, I'll be true to you.
I'll do 'bout anything, yeah,
for some one like, baby for you.

(Oooh)
I miss you in a heartbeat.
(Oooh)
Yeah, I'd miss you right away.
(Oooh)
Oh, miss you in a heartbeat.
(I miss you in a heartbeat.)
'Cause it ain't love if it don't feel that way.

As Spock sat on the civilian transport aircraft on the way back to San Fransisco he considered the turns his life had taken within the last few weeks. The happiness at the thought of gaining a family the confusion at Nyota's lack of response then the emptiness, the depression. It could have been avoided. Perhaps, if she had seen a specialist doctor, detected what was happening sooner it could have been avoided. There were no certainties but there were possibilities and seeking help, seeking assurances would have been the most logical thing to do. A life had been involved, a delicate life that had needed protecting, why hadn't she done everything possible to protect it? He was angry, so angry, the walls were barely keeping it at bay but he didn't know what would occur if that anger were released. Part of him worried he might succumb to some kind of insanity, violent urges or perhaps a quiet depression. He didn't want to hate Nyota, he knew without a doubt that no matter what she said she would not have wished for this outcome, it had not been a deliberate act but an act of omission. By doing nothing she had allowed their child to die. The anger was going to swallow him up and as he sat there he allowed himself a little hate. He hated her; he did not want to see her. He did not want to be connected to her.

He felt the strange sensation of a fireless burning in his mind, feeling deeply tired he shut his eyes and drifted into an uneasy rest. He awoke with the familiar lurching in his stomach as the plane made its gentle landing. In the first confused seconds of awakening he felt panicked, something was wrong, something was missing but as he glanced around the aircraft he saw the other passengers were unconcerned. They were moving to disembark as if nothing was wrong at first he thought that they had not noticed but then as he became more aware of himself he realized that it was something within him that was missing. Where there was once a strong, shimmering bond emanating love and support and 'Nyotaness' there was now only blackness. A black wall, or perhaps a hole, it did not matter all that mattered was it was gone. He and Nyota were completely severed. He gripped his side in sudden pain; it felt as if his heart had stopped beating even though he could hear it's steady beat. There was nothing but unbearable pain, no anger, no sadness just pain, aching stabbing, burning all at once. He was aware of eyes staring at him as he gasped for breath. He heard a voice asking if he was all right, silently he nodded and fought the pain away till he was just able to concentrate enough to grab his bag from the overhead and walk upright to the exit.

Spock seemed to be on autopilot as he got out the land vehicle at the academy he paid the driver and took his bag and looked around. He was back at his house but he had never felt so lost. His legs felt heavy as he walked back to the apartment, it was late morning in San Francisco and he had been gone for less than twenty-four hours it had been a long day but his Vulcan physiology usually allowed him four days on his feet before tiring. The academy grounds were largely empty as he made his way through the grounds till he got to the staff block. He walked into the foyer and knowing that there was people in the foyer talking he walked right pasted them and into the elevator without lifting his gaze from the floor.

As the door to the lift closed a hand reached out stopping them. Surprised Spock looked up to see the door swishing back open and Chris stood casually on the other side.

" I thought I saw you sneaking past." He said cheerfully. " Is it safe to come in?"

Spock inclined his head slightly. Chris walked in, keeping as much difference between him and Spock as the small space allowed. Spock felt his eyes travel over him as he stood there.

" Spock? Is there something wrong?"

Spock considered the question and decided it was best not to answer, he did not think he could discuss this now, all he wanted was to sink into the deepest meditation he could manage and if he could not manage it then to sink into his bed and hope for sleep to relieve him of his torment. The lift stopped and the door opened on Chris's floor. Not looking at his friend Spock inclined his head in a farewell. He felt a slight confusion as the straps of his bag tugged against his shoulder. He looked up to find piercing blue eyes close to his own. He frowned slightly and loosened his grip on the bag letting Chris take it. Chris heaved the bag over his shoulder and stepped out the lift, he got five steps before turning to look at Spock.

" Come on."

" I do not understand."

" You're coming to mine for a drink."

" I do not want company."

" That's precisely why you're getting it."

" That is illogical."

" Just follow me."

To tired to argue Spock complied.

He followed Chris into his apartment and sat down on his sofa when prompted. Chris set his bag down by the door and headed straight to the kitchen without another word. Spock eyed his bag weighing up the pluses and minuses of as the Humans say 'making a run for it', he was sure he could lock Chris out quite effectively the Captain had never been the best with computers but it was not really a dignified option and it was just delaying the inevitable. Eventually he would have to face his future Captain. Chris came back in and handed him a glass of what Spock presumed was Whiskey. He gulped it down in one so that he would not have to deal with the taste of it in his mouth for too long.

" That bad hua?"

" I have told you on multiple occasions that due to my digestive system it would take vast amounts of alcohol to have an effect on me."

" I just happen to have access to vast amounts of alcohol."

" Chris. I am tired.."

" You're tired?" Chris said his voice conveying slight shock. " I don't think I've ever heard you say that before. He sat in the seat opposite Spock and resting his elbows on his knees leaned in closer to him.

" You've been somewhere. Want to tell me where?"

" No."

" I'm not going to accept that answer."

Spock looked down at the empty glass in his hand. He knew from previous experience that Chris could spend days questioning him and hounding him with phone calls to get him to 'open up' when he was being bothered by emotions. He always put it down to Chris's need to 'fix' things, he had a knack of noticing when things (especially people) were in someway broken and he always had to fix them. Spock briefly considered if that was all that their friendship was based upon, the fact that Spock, neither Human or Vulcan a rough composite of parts that never fully worked always seemed broken to him.

" I have been to Africa."

" Africa, lovely, visiting the in-laws?"

Spock watched his hand start to tremble, the first sign of physically losing control. He stood up but he didn't know where to go from there, part of him didn't want to leave but he didn't want to sit. He heard Chris move, the next moment he felt a hand resting on his shoulder.

" Spock…You're trembling."

" They are gone. They are both gone." Spock said the words escaping before he could stop them.

" They are gone, she is gone, the bond is gone."

Chris pulled him round to face him.

" Spock, Spock what are you talking about?"

" The baby too."

The room seemed to move around him of his own accord. He felt his knees contact the floor. He felt something around him and clinged to it, it was strangely comforting. He buried his head in the fabric that was in front of his face finding it soft and smelling of the familiar detergent used by the academy.

" Nyota, she was pregnant.."

" God son how do you get somebody pregnant in this day and age?"

Spock's fingers clinged at the fabric, he felt hands running up and down his back as his mother had done when he was a child.

" They're both gone."

Chris was silent and after a few minutes Spock found himself becoming aware again. He felt a growing embarrassment and pulled away from the comforting body. Chris was looking at him with true concern; he stayed kneeling beside Spock allowing him his silence for another long moment. Spock grasped at the remaining tattered edges of his control and found himself able to stand long enough to return to his chair.

" Nyota had a Miscarriage." Chris stated.

Spock slowly nodded.

" Is she alright ?"

" She.. she.. medically." Spock fought for words. Chris stepped forwards and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, kneeling to look in his eyes.

" Spock, she'll be okay."

" Yes she will be." Spock answered. He wondered if time he would gain some comfort from the knowledge that she was going to be alright, that she would perhaps correct the path she was on. She could have all the thing's she wanted now that he was not her bondmate anymore. He loved her, he wanted her to have the thing's that she long for and had worked so hard for.

" You said that the bond is gone."

" It is gone."

" Spock, I can't say that I'm an expert on Vulcan relationships but surely these thing's can't be easily undone."

" No, but it has been, it has been severed. She is no longer my life partner."

Chris took a deep breath.

" I'm going to change the bed sheets, you shouldn't be alone tonight."

" I do not need a minder."

" No, you need a friend."

Spock had spent two days trying to return to his experiments in the science lab but he had found himself unable to concentrate. He had made a few slight mistakes, but however slight it was unforgivable. It was after he had mislabelled a plant from Omega six as being from Omega seven he knew he was not capable of functioning correctly and if he was to return to his teaching duties in a month then he must mend his mind. As he could not meditate he contacted a healer on Vulcan who (knowing his family connections) said she would make herself available to him as soon as he was able to reach the planet. Transportation from Earth to Vulcan was easy to organize, as there was a group of star fleet personal leaving in three days.

He spent the remaining three days trying to organize all his materials for the next year, as he didn't know how much time he would have when he got back. As he checked his messages he saw a note from the head of department, upon opening it he found it was the initial form for third year emergency assignments. If an emergency occurred in the next year where the fleet needed more personnel the third years would go into immediate service. Though just a formality the chances that upon graduating the third years would be assigned to the same ship that they would have been for emergency assignment were 83% and so did warrant some attention. He worked his way steadily down the list of linguistic students at times pulling up their files to check if they had any particular strengths that would be of use to a particular ship, he froze when he reached a certain name.

Uhura, Nyota.

He hesitated, he knew she wanted to be placed upon the Enterprise but he would be in charge of all the personnel on the Enterprise, would his feelings for her and they're history together affect his duties. He knew it was the logical thing to do but he still felt a twinge of guilt when he assigned her to the Farragut.

He had been dropped off in his home province thirty miles from his family home. The familiar heat and forms of distant mountains made him long for the days of his childhood. Given any opportunity he used to go against his parents wishes and creep out in the middle of the night to wander in the desert going as far as the wilderness surrounding the mountains, gaining the fluid and nutrients needed for survival from the plant roots. Those times, alone in the wilderness had been the only time he had felt at home, at one with Vulcan.

He rested the case containing provisions and the small amount of belongings he had brought with him on the desert floor and judging its strength used it as a seat. He had changed into his robes onboard the small shuttle and the lose lightweight yet thick fabrics felt strange against his skin after the confining Star Fleet uniform and Terran clothing.

It was only a matter of minutes before a figure appeared on the heat-hazed horizon. He stood and approached her seeing as he got closer the traditional turquoise robes of a mind healer, delicate facial features, long dark hair and long agile fingers.

" You are T'Pal."

" Yes, and you are Spohkh."

Spock inclined his head slightly.

" What is your other name?"

" I am son of Sarek house of S'chn T'gai."

" I was referring to your none formal given name."

" I have not been called by that since my childhood."

T'pal cocked her head a millimetre to the left a sign of deep curiosity.

Spock repressed a sigh, though she would soon know the depth of his emotional troubles he wished a to appear in control for a little more time, perhaps that was pride, he did not know.

" You are aware that my mother is Human." T'Pal continued to stare blankly.

" She named me after her great-grandfather." She Still gave no response.

" A Terran name."

Spock let out the hidden sigh.

" Gerald."

" You prefer to be called by your formal name even though the relationship between a patient and mind healer is an open and informal one."

"Yes."

" You led to believe that your psychological discomfort is due to the breakdown of a relationship with a Human woman."

Spock took a deep breath. He knew that if he wished to regain control quickly that total honesty was required but to be so open about his thoughts and emotions and even the events of his personal life was not his usual way, not any Vulcan's usual way.

" I was bonded to a young woman, the bond has gone. It has left.. a hole, a hole that has left the rest of my mind in turmoil. I have prided myself on my ability to control my emotions like any full Vulcan could. But now I have lost most of that control."

" I asked you to choose a familiar place where we could be left in solitude. Am I to understand that this is your chosen spot."

" A cave, a few kilometres away. Will that be suitable."

T' Pal inclined her head in agreement.

" Walk and I will follow Spohkh."

Spock felt something drawing his attention away from the flames in his mind. It was an eternal representation of his emotions and he had spent the last seven hours watching that flame keeping it from burning to deeply, from getting out of control and slowly trying to shrink it. He allowed himself to raise up into consciousness. He looked around the small cave he was in trying to ascertain what it was that had disturbed him. Then on a small breeze that drifted in through the rock opening he smelt something recognizable, a mixture of Terran roses, cooking spices and bath salts.

" I know you are there mother."

He remained seated as the mouth of the cave was momentarily blocked by a shadow; she walked with soft steps and sat two point three foot away from him. She was silent for a while, looking at him as if waiting for him to speak but if he had wished to speak to her he would have got into contact with her, she sought him out so it was she who should speak first.

" I heard you were here Spock. I knew something must be wrong so I came."
Spock found he could not look at his mother. His inability to control his emotions seemed shameful. The causes of them deeply private. He felt the lightest of touches to his shoulder.

" Humans often find speaking about their troubles to be the first step in ridding themselves of them."
Spock held up his hand to stop her from talking.

" I know you are not Human. I know I raised a Vulcan son. But surely it is logical to try all ways of ridding yourself of these emotions. "
Ridding himself of emotions wasn't that what he was aiming to do. To rid himself of pain to fully immerse himself in logic without any ..distractions. To regain his efficiency at his job and to once again focus upon scientific enquiry, that was the path he had chosen.

" When I have regained control I will be under going the kholinar."

He heard his mothers gasp.

" But, Spock, why?"

" It is my decision mother I do not expect your understanding nor need your approval."

" But what about your partner, what about Nyota? It will change your relationship with her."

" I believe that relationship is damaged beyond repair."

" Spock.."

" Our bond has gone. Do not ask me how as I do not know."

" Spock, if you and Nyota became fully bonded then nothing could break that, it may still be there, you may just be blocking it so entirely that.."

" Our relationship did not withstand the death of our unborn child."
There was silence in the cave for a long time, he could feel his mothers emotions her shock. He could sense the stiffening in her limbs and the quiet tears falling down her face.

" Your father and I, we had arguments…before you were born. I thought we'd never make it through them. I was always so upset and he was just.. stoic, I thought he was disappointed in me…"
Spock raised his hand again to stop her.

" She did not want the child as it would interfere with her career, she felt relief at the childs passing."

" And what did you feel?"

Spock held back a sigh, he was on Vulcan he was under the care of a healer, something a Vulcan would only do as a last resort as it was to admit they were no longer in control of their emotions.

" I am here."

He sensed her nod her silent understanding.

" Do you want it to be over?" She asked quietly.

Spock thought of all the thing's he wanted to be over at that moment, the pain, the confusion, the conversation but he knew that she was referring to his relationship with Nyota. No, that he did not want to be over. But what he wanted didn't mean anything. The unbreakable link was gone, and that meant something."

His Human side had led him into desires and wants that he should not have experienced. He had acted illogically in pursuing Nyota, illogically in cementing his bond with her. Now he was tormented by emotions, this was the dual side of the happiness he thought he had found, pain, and turmoil. It was time he took control again, time he rediscovered the Vulcan path. Time to kill the Human inside of him.

" I will complete the Kohlinar." He responded.

His mother stood up to leave, Spock didn't know whether he wanted to beg her to stay or feel relieved that he could return to his meditation.

" Just tell me this Spock, a full bond can only be broken by a priestess or by death. When you realized the bond was gone did you fear Nyota was dead?"

" No." He had not even considered that possibility. He knew Nyota was still alive. He had not seen her or spoken to her but he knew that she was alive and relatively well. The fact he had that knowledge didn't make sense.

" That's because you know she's not dead."

" Correct."

" That's because the bond is still there."

His mother grasped his shoulder before leaving him with new questions to contemplate.

The matriarch of his family stood before him. He had to admit to feeling some degree of nervousness. She was a regal but intimidating figure in her formal robes with a guard stood two feet behind her and a priestess dressed all in white waiting by her side. He bowed to her then as he straightened raised his hand in the traditional greeting.

" Live long and prosper T'pau."

" Spock, son of my house. It has been many years since we have met but I know of your progress, your life choices. You have chosen to undergo the Kohlinar."

" Yes."

" It is not a decision lightly made. Most undergo months of meditation and solitude before making the decision. "

Spock kept silent.

" Allow me to see your mind."

Knowing refusal of T'Pau would led her to refuse to assist him Spock nodded and knelt on one knee before her chair. T'pau 's finger reached out to him finding his psyh points and Spock was surprised to already feel the probing of her mind, unbelievably strong.

" My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."

The memories came without his reaching for them, the mind of T'pau reaching to all corners of his mind finding his most treasured memories and viewing them without emotion.

Her hair was done up in some softly curled flowing way, and she was wearing make up, beige lipstick and some white glittering stuff on her eyelids . Spock couldn't stop himself from staring at her, the dress was low in front and showed the top curves of her breasts, it hugged her hips and her legs seemed longer, she was wearing strappy shoes with high heels. She looked older, beautiful and still had that grace and confidence that he had previously noticed.

" Hello, commander."

He had the desire to touch her, to know what she was thinking to feel that thrilling jolt and warmth that he had whenever he touched her skin. Just one touch, he wouldn't let it go any further than that.

" Nyota." He said turning inwards so that he was facing her bed. She turned also so that they were facing each other in the dark, still a safe nine inches between them. Spock reached out his hand to her. His index and middle finger stretched out and the other two curled into his palm. He wondered if she would deny him this simple touch, there would be an awkwardness between them if she did, but he felt she would not, she had shown no resistance to his touch before.

" Give me your hand." He requested.

He watched as she slowly lifted her hand and mirroring his gesture pressed her two finger tips to his. He immediately felt that familiar jolt, it seemed to travel all the way down his spine and rest in his stomach, he heard her gasp and knew that she had felt the same sensation. Carefully and slowly he moved his fingers gently stroking down hers. He felt a spreading warmth throughout his body and he made no attempt to stop the telepathic bond that started to form between them. He felt her wonder, her delight and a gentle warm spark of energy and light that was Nyota herself, her soul, her katra.

" One hundred and ninety five days, or rather six months and thirteen days."

" I do not know what the particular number pertains to."

Nyota looked down, avoiding his eyes.

" It's how long it's been since thanks giving, since I first realized I wanted to be with you."

" Four days Spock. I don't want to spend them without you. On my Birthday I asked you to kiss me and you said you would If I asked you when sober."

" Yes."

Nyota stepped forwards, she pressed herself against his as she had once before. He could feel her pushing calming feelings towards him.

" I'm asking Spock."

" I Love you Spock."

Spock felt as if his heart were trying to punch it's way out of his body., it was hammering so hard at her words, at the sincerity in her eyes and the gentle breathlessness of her words.

" You don't have to say anything Spock, just know that I do."

"Now you're mine."

" I have been your since the moment I first laid eyes on you."

"I'm ready.

Goodbye Nyota, my t'hy'la. I will not even think your name again after this time, Nyota, Nyota, my love.

Spock opened his eyes to T'pau staring down at him, her fingers having left his face. Something about her stare made his certainty dissolve and with it he felt the tingling of something he had not felt in a long time. Just a tiny little glimmer of light, nowhere near as strong as it had once been but it was definitely there. He let out a deep breath, feeling something leave him like a large weight from his shoulders.

" You are not ready." T'Pau said.

He was not he knew that now. His mother had been correct. The bond was still there and it always would be. He knew it needed to be rekindled. Knew this was what he wanted, what he needed. Reunion with Nyota, to forgive, to understand and to accept her as his bondmate once more.

He looked at T'pau and knew that she could read the questioning in his expression. She inclined her head once and held up her hand.

" I am gracious to you T'pau."

" Peace and long live Spock."

Spock felt calm as he typed the familiar number into his com system. He had only arrived back at the academy from Vulcan thirteen minutes beforehand . Now he had made the decision to try forgiving Nyota a lot of his anger had disappeared, so had most of his depression. He was willing to start again, to communicate their emotions to each other, to apologize for the way he had left her. To assure her that they could make it through this, that he had discovered his love for her was not so easily broken.

He felt a tingle of excitement as the call connected. But then slight disappointment as Farnia answered. She looked slightly shocked to see him, he hoped it was due to his argument with her father in law and not due to her having become aware of it's contents.

" Hello Farnia."

" Hello Spock."

" I am aware that your family may not be happy to hear from me but I wished to talk to Nyota."

" It's okay, Baba's out though so is Nyota."

" Do you know when she'll be back?"

" Probably in an hour or two." Farnia stared at him as if trying to make her mind up about something. It seemed she decided to trust him as she lowered her voice slightly and continued speaking.

" She's at a councilors, she's been really depressed since you left. Peter had to go back to work but I chose to stay to try and help out. Some days I think she's getting better but yesterday I took Akina in to see her and she just started crying and wouldn't stop."

Spock felt numb at this new knowledge.

" Is she physically well?"

" Yes. She is now."

Spock nodded.

" You will tell her I called?"

" Yes." She gave him a small sympathetic smile. " Good luck Spock."

" Take care Farnia."

Spock slumped slightly in his seat as the screen went black.

Spock watched as the clock ticked, the last two hours he had spent answering messages and organizing his schedule for the last week of the break to be sure everything would be ready for him to start teaching again in exactly eight days. Despite being occupied the time had gone slowly and exactly two hours since his first call to the Uhura household he typed in the number again.

Again it was Farnia who answered this time with Akina in her arms.

" Spock." She said sounding slightly surprised.

" Spot!" Akina shouted sounding excited and pleased to see him. He couldn't help feel his mood lift slightly at the sight of the child.

" Hello again Farnia, Akina. I was wondering if Nyota had returned."
Farina grimaced slightly.

" Yes. I'm sorry Spock. She say's she doesn't want to talk to you."

Spock felt that strange sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

" I can understand her reluctance but there are thing's that need to be said."

" I'm sorry Spock, perhaps it'd be easier if you message her?"

Spock nodded solemnly.

" I shall do that."

" Sorry Spock." Farnia said as the screen went black.

Nyota Uhura,

Nyota, I understand that leaving you in the manner in which I did has caused the rift between us to grow even contact me when you are emotionally stable enough to communicate effectively, we have much to discuss. We need to reach an understanding with one another.

Sincerely Spock.

Spock sat in his bed looking at the thin slips of glossed paper between his fingers. The first photo showed Nyota kissing him on the cheek under the peace tower. He laid it on his bedside table and looked at the next one, a copy of her academy identification photo, his lips twitched he had printed it off before that night Nyota had come to him and asked him to kiss her. He had felt slightly stupid printing her picture off when at the time she was only his student but he had wanted to be able to gaze at her when she was not around, he had only given into desire and got it out of his draw on two previous occasions. He placed it next to the other careful not to cover it up, he wished to bale to see them all. The third photo was him in a hospital bed with Nyota and Chris on one side of him and his mother on the other holding up the brightly colored balloons. The last photo literally hurt him to look at, Nyota kissing him in Paris; he could remember the feel of those cool lips on his. They had been happy then, and he reassured himself they would be happy again.

It was three days until the start of tern and Spock was worried that Nyota would not talk to him before the start of term and they would have to speak to each other in the chaos of the first day of term. He tapped his fingers against the surface of his desk. He made the decision to try calling her again, it had been five days since his last contact and perhaps she had settled her emotions enough to talk to him. He stood up and went to the office com system, the building was practically empty and his door was shut so he had no fear of being overheard. His fingers trembled slightly as he typed in the number. The screen flickered and then she was there. She was In his view for the first time in week. She had lost some weight, her cheekbones were slightly sharper but her familiar eyes warmed him. She glanced down and bit her lip.

" Nyota." He breathed.

" Hello Spock." She answered after a moment of silence, her voice quiet and reluctant.

" I wish to talk to you."

" You've made thing's pretty clear." Nyota answered her voice between angry and tearful.

" I do not understand. How have I clarified things? We have not spoken."

" You shut down our link, that's a pretty clear signal."

" I shut down the link?" He asked shocked, he had known he had put some of the walls up but he thought she had been doing the same. But as he thought about the anger he had felt, the urge to be away from her he had new questions. Could he have been entirely responsible? Could he have completely shut her off without his answer. Would Nyota even know how to wall of the link so effectively?

" I felt it, you burnt it away. It hurt, like a fire in my brain and then emptiness. It was a cruel way of doing it Spock."

" Nyota I.." His voice faltered as she began to cry.

" You don't need to say anything else Spock. I.. I just.. a part of me can even understand it. .. I really thought we.. It doesn't matter."

" Nyota I don't understand what you're saying. You are obviously distressed and I am sorry that I caused you pain."

" You burnt the bond. "

" I wish I could comfort you." Spock answered feeling sad that he had caused her pain and could not even hold her close to him to make it go away.

" I don't need comforting Spock, I'll just.. I'll just deal with it. Don't feel sympathy for me, I'll get through this."

Spock opened his mouth to reply but the screen went black.

Shocked he went back to sit at his desk, he allowed his head to drop in his hands as he tried t understand what Nyota had said. Had she believed that he had burned their link on purpose? That he had tried to divorce her without a single word? It seemed that was the answer. She had known of his anger, and he himself had not known what he was capable of at that time, no wonder she thought he had been capable of such an act. Spock searched out that tiny spot of light within his mind. He stroked it sending her feelings of comfort and calmness. The bond was too weak for her to know what he was doing but she would feel it's affects. AT least in this way he could comfort her and every time he touched that link it would get a little stronger. She might of hanged up on him but she was misinformed, he did want her back. He would do whatever it took to get her back.

My dearest Nyota.

What ever we are

We belong together

Wherever we are

We will find each other

Whoever we are

We are

Forever one.

Your Spock.

Endnote: Aren't Lenard Nimoy's poems sweet.

Note on names: Spohkh is apparently how the Vulcan's pronounce Spock's name though I think in early chapters I put Spokh, will have to correct that at some point. Gerald Is I believe the name Lenard Nimoy mentioned for Spock in 'I am Spock.'

S'chn T'gai is the name of Spock clan that's given in some none cannon Star Trek books.