Exams, speeches, dissertation and a splash of writers block, but it's all over now and for the next month at least I am all yours lovely readers ( or mildly pissed off readers), so time to get this finished. I am going to race to the end to get this story completed on the 22nd of July, exactly one year after I started it ( though it feels like forever, has anybody been reading this from the start? Doesn't it feel like forever? I think I may cry when I finish it, well I've written the ending anyway but.. might cry when I up load it, nah I'm not that sensitive). Anyhow enough from me, nobody ever reads the authors blurb anyways, ON WITH THE SHOW!

Oh yeah, one swear word. SO.. M?

1st week of November

Spock stood looking across the crowd of student, some of them he was not very familiar with as they had not attended any off his other modules but most he knew relatively well from the linguistics modules, guest speaking as a science lecturer, the botany lab or his fitness and combat classes. He had just finished up his lecture in the usual fashion of giving out a small weekly assignment and recommended readings so the majority of the class was starting to pack away their equipment, talk or bolt from the room for their next lecture. Spock took a step forwards to the hardly used microphone and cleared his throat. The room went immediately silent as 126 pairs of eyes turned to him.
"Cadets Christophe, Zami, and Gaila, could you please step down here I wish to discuss a opportunity for an extra credit project that has arisen. I will not keep you long."

He registered the curious expressions on his three most promising students faces, two human and of course, Nyota's Orion roommate. He carefully packed away his PADD and disk of lecture slides as the cadets made their way down the stairs to him.

"Cadets." He said folding his arms behind his back. " A simulation I design several years ago is scheduled for a renewal. It is still relatively new technology, so it should not require more than a complete systems check, a realignment of some components a few small up upgrades and the insulation of a new security system. Due to the interference of other responsibility I will require assistance. If you accept it will be a valuable learning experience and will appear on your records, also if you are efficient in your work then I will gladly give a recommendation to any prospective commanding officer stating that affect."

Zami seemed to show signs of excitement.

"Sir, is this the Kobayashi Maru simulation you're talking about?"

"Yes Cadet."

" Wait the unbeatable test?" Christophe asked.

"It has not yet been passed to the satisfaction of any student who has taken it but its purpose is not to pass but to judge certain command characteristics in the individual."

" Ah this is so cool sir." Zami said.

Spock raised his eyebrow.

" I Mean.."

" I take it you accept."

"Yes sir."

He turned to Christophe.

"Yes sir."

Then to Gaila, for some reason she wouldn't meet his eyes as she unenthusiastically muttered 'yes'. Spock was a perplexed by this for an instant before it clicked that she might be questioning his reasons for picking her.

"You are the top three students in this class." He said pointedly Meeting Gailas eyes. "Make the most of this opportunity."

Spock trailed his fingers over the various materials feeling the change in textures under the sensitive nerve filled pads. Paper turned to rougher cardboard then indented plastic followed by a soft pad over wood. He hesitated as he reached the old leather bond volumes then he let his hand drop. The library archives were quiet and still, Spock rarely saw others down here, it had been a haven as a student a quiet place where he could look at the old books that wouldn't be worth the time to update into electronic forms. He rarely checked the books out; they were too old to fare well outside the special environment of this room. Instead he ran his fingers along the titles until something caught his interest then he'd open it at a page somewhere in the middle and read for hours at a time. He had read an interesting book from the end of the nineteenth century just as Humans were starting to theorise on the relationships between space and time and the other dimensions and the possibilities of the future it was called the universe in a nutshell. Another time he had read several short stories from the brothers Grimm. Today he had read half way through a book by Jules Verne, he was considering going to Mr. San's bookshop and purchasing his own copy. He placed the book back in it's rightful place until he could find time to continue reading it, ran his fingers along the spines then turned to leave.

As he took the elevator up to the ground floor he felt completely serene and fully ready to submerge himself in the large pile of paperwork (or rather compressed files) some to do with making sure his replacement next year knew everything he needed, some on the Enterprise systems, and the release forms for his students to work on the Kobayashi Maru. The lift made a slight ding as the doors opened. Spock walked out into the light of the libraries main stacks, the space was so large that most new students took a full year to beat the disorientation but Spock turned north northeast directly to the exit. As he walked amongst the shelves he took in the light breeze from the open windows that bordered three out of four walls. Today the easterly breeze brought the smell of honeysuckle from the Darwin garden for plants that were in danger from extinction. He came to the end of the row of shelves and into the large central study area. He froze, his heartbeat increased his breath hitched in his throat, he could not have moved if he wanted to. Nyota was sat directly in front of him, a beam of light from a nearby window falling directly across her and bathing her in light, her hair looked like it had slight blue highlights from reflecting the light. Her mouth was pursed in contemplation and there were slight crinkles around her eyes from staring hard at the PADD in front of her, one of many on the table surrounding her. It was a picture of absolute concentration and it was beautiful, almost like a Greek statue demonstrating all the aspects perfect to a certain state of mind. He considered reaching out to her with his mind and getting those liquid amber eyes to turn and meet his but he knew that would break her perfect concentration and so he stared at her a bit longer taking in every little detail storing it in his mind as if storing a image on a computer. File: Nyota, Year: three, name: Nyota unobserved looks like the Greek goddess of concentration. He felt his lips quirk slightly as he tried to gain the resolve to move from her.

" Commander Spock?" An enquiring voice with a slight Orion accent came from his side. He turned to see a short Orion girl from his first year federation languages class stood hesitantly a few feet from him.

" Yes Cadet?" He asked his eyes once again finding Nyota, this time meeting her own. She smiled at him and he felt the tickle of an enquiry at the back of his mind.

Watching?

He tilted his head slightly to one side, no.

" I was wondering if you had a spare three minutes to help my conjugate a few unusual Vulcan verbs." The cadet was asking, her timidness coming off her in waves that attacked his telepathic brain.

"Yes. " He answered turning to her. " You have my full attention." He answered bringing his focus entirely onto her. But as he sat patiently explaining Vulcan syntax to the student who had approached him outside his office despite so many other believing him to be unapproachable his eyes occasionally flickered up to glance unnoticed at his lover sat two tables away.

2nd week of November

Nyota had finally found time ( or maybe run out of excuses, Spock really wasn't sure) to properly spend the evening with Spock and he was taking full advantage, he had restrung his lute, looked up some films that may have been of interest to Nyota and made a dinner of yams, a meat substitute marinated in some spices and a cheesy leek bake. They had talked about there day to day activities as they ate Nyota would be leaving the next week for a few days to go back to Africa for the short thanks giving break. Spock wanted to ask deeper questions about what was going on in Nyota's life but so far she had been avoiding talking about anything serious, she still wasn't letting him in. Spock wondered how long it would take for her to trust him and to forgive him for walking away when she needed him. Perhaps It was time he made the first move, he had been giving her time but he did not want to get stuck in the position they were in now. One of them needed to start pushing and if she would not then it was time he as the Humans said test the water.

" Nyota, when are you leaving for thanks giving?"

" Next Tuesday."

" How are your parents?"

Nyota paused for a moment.

" They're fine."

" How are they behaving towards you?"

Nyota sighed.

" The last time they saw me I was still in bad shape so every time I call they talk to me like I'm a china doll."

" Do you feel like you're still fragile? Because it does not seem it to me." Spock asked.

" No. I'm fine Spock. Now I'm back at the academy and I can concentrate on work I'm happier."

Spock's lack of answer must have been interpreted as doubt.

"I'm fine Spock, I haven't cried in a week and that was because I got a message from my Mom about Nyonda and I.. " She drifted off, but she didn't need to finish her sentence for Spock to understand, despite their differences she missed her sister. "My menstrual cycles have started again so my bodies almost back to normal." She said quickly trying to hide the fact that her eyes were tearing up just mentioning her family. He knew that she had previously shared a close and open relationship with all her family, since coming to the academy those relationship's had suffered several blows.

They were quite for a moment and Nyota pushed some circles of leak around her plate.

" You wish to ask me something?" Spock guessed.

Nyota kept her eyes on her plate as she spoke.

" I wanted to ask you how you're doing?"

" I am doing well Nyota. I am in control of my emotions and back to meditating the usual length of time."" That's good, I'm glad."

" I am also happy that you are recovering from the Ill effects of the summers events."

" This is good."

" Pardon?"

" The food, It's good."

" I'm glad you like it. What would you like to do after Dinner? I have got several films from the library."

" Can I.. Can I listen to you play your lute. It's been a while since I heard you play."

" Yes, it has been a while."

They smiled at each other over the table. It seemed like it was going to be a good night.

3rd week of November

Spock briefly entwined his fingers with Nyota's, she would only be away from the academy for a matter of days but the idea of the physical distance between them made Spock uncomfortable. He knew and accepted that their was no logical reason for such discomfort but he still felt it. Nyota looked up and gave him a small smile, he could feel her dread through their link which had started to deepen in small increments. Spock placed his hands on the small of her back and pulled her close, she sighed and leant her forehead on his shoulder. Her fingers stretched up the back of his neck and moved through the short hairs there like she used to.

" Why are you dreading going home?"

" You know my sisters visiting."

"Is that the only reason?"

"That and the way my parents treat me, they don't seem to know how to act around me, it's like I'm a stranger to them."

Spock bent his head to press a kiss to her temple.

" Act like yourself and soon your parents will start treating you like they used to."

" And Nyonda?"

" Separate yourself and your emotions, if she says something that upsets you acknowledge that you are upset but do not allow your actions to be dictated by that emotion."

" I try to. It's just she knows me so well that she can hit every sore point I've got."

" Nyota, you're on the star ship duty registers."

" I am." She asked pulling away to look up into his eyes.

" Was there ever any doubt? You're in the top of the majority of your classes and passed all fitness and combat tests. You're in the fifteen percent who are listed for star ship duty upon completion of the year as long as you pass the final exams in the top twenty percent. These are the last days you will get to spend with your family before leaving the solar system. Do not spend them in arguments."

"I don't want to argue with Nyonda."

"Will you be seeing baby.." He stopped speaking suddenly wondering if the mention of a baby would hurt her.

" It's okay Spock." She said running her hand up his arm.

" Will you be seeing Akina?"

"Yes."

Spock looked down into her eyes trying to search for her emotions, they seemed calm through the link but it was possible to lie through a link by building a false wall of a certain motion around the link. He didn't know if this was something Nyota had learnt to do, she had picked up on how to be telepathically bonded to somebody for the rest of her life quickly with little instruction, he supposed it was because she was naturally communication expert, despite there current lack of communication.

She reached up and caught his face between her hands.

"Spock." She said seriously, her amber eyes boring straight into his. " I'm alright, I'll be alright."

" Which is it? You are or you will be?"

Nyota smiled widely, rose on the tips of her toes and kissed him. Spock leaned into the kiss taking in the fruity taste of her lips and the slight stickiness of her lips. She pulled away all to soon, leaving him feeling alone.

" Impossible man."

Spock quirked his eyebrow, the words impossible man seemed like a bad thing but she said it so softly and just after she kissed him so it couldn't be.

" Don't worry about me."

" It's not illogical to worry about ones bond mate."

"Spock." She whined. Then she let out a huff of air and looked down, her hand sliding to rest on his chest.

" Tell Akina that Spot says hello."

" Spot?"

"She cannot pronounce Spock."

Nyotas lips quirked as if she was holding back a smile.

"Okay, Spot says hello." She turned and looked at the clock on the wall behind her. When she turned back there was a slight hesitation in her posture.

"I have to go now."

" Yes." Spock said. She briefly dropped her hand to touch his.

"Bye." She said.

"Bye." He answered.

She turned and walked out the room without looking at him again.

1st week of December

Spock marvelled at the cool breath tickling across his chest at regular intervals, he carded his hands through Nyota's silky hair noting it was longer now than it had ever been previously. She gave a small sigh and tilted her head upwards placing a small kiss along his jaw line. Spock moved slightly angling his face hoping for more kisses. Nyota raised herself on her hands; the feel of her skin on his seemed to linger for a moment after she'd moved then it was gone. Spock quirked his eyebrow up at her, ready and willing for more physical affection, it was the only kind of affection they seemed to be sharing at that moment but it did seem to open their bond wider so for brief seconds of time he could see into her mind and taste her emotions again. He could not hide his disappointment when instead of initiating more contact she shuffled to the end of the bed. He watched the movement of muscles under her skin as she stood up and walked the few steps to where her dress lay discarded. Her long limbs had finally lost that weakness they had held after the summer. As she bent to pick up her dress Spock decided he could not leave it any longer.

"Why do you never stay anymore? Why do you come to me for sex yet never let me hold you afterwards? Why do you never kiss me on the lips anymore? I feel you are keeping me at arms length, letting me in so far but no further. I miss you, I see you in lectures every other day, see you for lunches, you come to me once a week but I miss you."

Nyota had frozen in the act of pulling on her dress. He could see the tension in the muscles at the small of her back; Hear her breathing hitch and her heartbeat increase.

Spock stood and walked over to her. He took the dress she was pulling on and threw it onto the bed.

"Spock."

He rested his hands lightly on the cool flesh of her waist and buried his head into the crook of her neck. After a few moments he felt her relax. He wrapped his arm around her, splaying his hands across her stomach.

"Come back to bed." He whispered against her neck.

She sighed and pulled away from him.

"Not tonight okay. I have a test on Monday and I have to study for it tomorrow."

Spock felt tightness in his stomach, Disappointment, but he took a deep breath and pushed it away.

Nyota pulled on her dress and turned looking him in the eyes for once.

"It's not an excuse Spock." She said sincerely. "It's for the mandatory astronavigation module. I may like the stars but finding my way around them has never been my strong suit."

" I will send you some useful papers."

" Thanks Spock."

She held up her hand, two fingers outstretched ready to receive the Vulcan act of affection. Spock took a step forwards and pulled her to him. She took a second to regain her footing and looked up at him with startled eyes. Before she could question him he bent his head to capture her lips. He had wanted to initiate a kiss as passionate and intimate and breathless as they had used to share but even though she kissed him back he found it stiff, without feeling. He pulled back again disappointed. Nyota gave him a watery smile and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek.

"Lunch on Tuesday?"

Spock nodded.

She froze as she was about to leave the room.

"Perhaps..." She muttered looking over her shoulder at him. "Perhaps we could have dinner instead, outside the academy grounds?"

" I hear there is a play on at the old theatre, Shakespeare. I could get tickets, we could eat before."

"I'd like that. Goodnight Spock."

" Do you still love me?"

The words came out without him thinking about them and he cursed his human side knowing that it was what had allowed the secret fear he'd carried for weeks to be vocalized.

" Yes Spock, always."

Spock nodded; Nyota hesitated at the door for a long awkward move then walked out the mechanical swish of the door closing after sat heavily on his bed. She loved him at least she loved him. One day she would let him in again, he was practically sure of it. If she didn't their love would grow stagnant and cold and would become like a thorn stuck in their minds causing a constant niggling irritating pain. He got up collected his clothing from the floor and put it into the laundry basket and pulled some soft sleeping pants from the wardrobe. He pulled them on and climbed between the sheets. He reached out for the pillow next to him, it still smelled faintly of perfume and raspberries and sweat. He pulled it up burying his nose in it and took several deep breaths, holding onto the scent of her for as long as possible then he rested it on his chest and fell asleep hugging it to his body.

Spock watched Nyota's face as she watched the play, though it was an enjoyable insight into past forms of human entertainment and behaviour Nyota's little smiles and gasps were of far more interest to him. He did continue to follow the story line with it's young man pushed to murder by the woman who he loved. It was full of illogical characters and seemed to put the worst of Human greed corruption and violence on show.

Nyota seemed to sense his eyes on her and turned to smile at him. He was delighted as he felt her cool fingers reach for his own. For the rest of the play she held his hand squeezing it tightly as Lady Macbeth threw herself from a tower and the ultimate scene. Spock felt the emotions flowing through her at each change of scene. The fact that Human emotions could be controlled and altered by such works of fiction was fascinating. As the curtains fell and the audience stood to clap Spock leaned over and whispered in her ear.

" Thank you for sharing this with me."

She leaned into him resting her head against his shoulder.

" Thank you for bringing me here Spock. "

They held hands as they walked out of the small theatre unnoticed in the crowd of people. As Spock was not ready for the evening to end they walked at a slow pace back towards the academy.

"I no longer think that Shakespeare was a Vulcan. A Vulcan could never conceive of anybody taking such illogical actions."

Nyota laughed a deep true laugh that made Spock turn to take in her wide smile and shining eyes. It was the first time he'd seen her laugh in months. A true happy laugh and not a fake little laugh.

" I know about Vulcan history, I know Vulcan's used to kill for their mates all the time."

" The emotions of Vulcan's are deep and volatile but controlled."

She took his hand.

" I know a little of Vulcan emotions." Nyota answered. Spock felt slight excited tension in his stomach as she swung round and stood close to him. She raised herself onto the tips of her toes; her hand snaked around to cup the back of his neck. She brought his head down so his forehead rested against hers. He felt slow tendrils prying at the edge of the link and he happily complied letting the link edge wider and wider till he could sense more of her than he had since the summer. He let out a little gasp as he felt waves of emotion, glowing warm orange affection and tenderness. It warmed him from his core till he could not feel the cool breeze of the night. His fingers gave a slight anticipatory tingle that continued up his spine. A fluttering settled into his stomach, butterflies or moths or other winged insects.

Spock tried to gather himself enough to reciprocate. To feel her warmth again was more wonderful than he had ever expected it to be he had not realized how empty and cold he had felt lately. He heard her happy sigh and sensed some kind of relief flowing from her.

" Spock." She sighed softly.

He tried to speak but only managed a gulp.

"I forgot how good this feels."

Spock considered how to answer, a very small part of him wanted to snap at her, wanted to be angry, after all he had been wanting to work on reopening their bond for months it was she who had said no. But most of him was glad she also felt it was good.

" I've missed you Spock." She said softly. Spock pulled away from her and met her eyes.

"Does this mean you will start letting me in again?"

Nyota looked away.

"I know I've been absent lately, I don't want to be."

" Then don't be."

" I'll try." She took dropped his hand the bond almost immediately shrinking again. They continued walking; they walked a somewhat familiar path along the waterfront and came up to a small grass area. Spock noticed Nyota tilting her head up slightly to look at the stars.

"Would you like to sit a while to look at the stars?" He asked thinking it would allow them a little more time together.

Nyota smiled.

" You don't see the point of looking at the stars."

"Astronavigation?"

"Don't start me on astronavigation." Nyota said sitting down on the grass.

Spock's lips quirked slightly as Nyota patted the grass beside her. He folded himself on the cool grass beside her. For a minute they looked up at the stars in comfortable silence together, Spock thought that perhaps he was starting to understand Nyota's romantic view, the constellations sparkling against the pitch black was aesthetically pleasing.

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

" Would a meld help the bond?"

"If you allowed me to remove the blocks you have put up between my mind and yours."

"I will."

Nyota twisted her body around to face him and laid her palm against his cheek, he was sure the fact that her fingers brushed against his meld points (causing a slight sizzling sensation) was completely unintentional.

" I don't want this to be so difficult any more. I didn't mean to make it difficult, I just.. You left, and I thought you cut me off completely and I know you didn't but it hurt and.."

He mirrored her putting his had to her opposite cheek.

"Nyota."

She stopped talking.

"I think we have talked of this enough. It is time to move on."

"Yes." She breathed out. "I want to move on, new start."

"Then we shall."

She let out a little breath and tilted her head slowly moving in till her soft and smooth lips caught his. He allowed himself to get lost in her soft slow movements holding her close to him hands searching all those curves he held so dear, a familiar and beautiful landscape. Spock gently lay down on the floor taking Nyota with him. Eventually the little nagging in the back of his mind that said this kind of behaviour in a public place, however quiet, was really very unvulcan. He pulled away and flipped onto his back. He listened to Nyota's slight panting.

"I wish I could just sleep here out in under the stars."

"It's a little cold. I can burrow the floor projector again. "

Nyota sat up and looked down at him.

Her face excited.

" Really?"

"Yes. We can put it in the bedroom and lay together under the covers."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

" Yes." Nyota answered.

Spock sat up and reached his hand down to help her up. He pulled her close and gave her a quick kiss on the lips then wrapped his arm around her waist and they set back to the academy.

Second week of December.

Spock was struck by the fact had only been three weeks since they had last been in this position, except this time it was much worse. This time he had left Nyota with a question to consider while she was gone, he would not push her in the direction he wanted. They had rushed into bonding in the first instance, it had been a chance, not a definite. Nyota had said yes to the chance, not the definite, he now wanted, longed, for her to say yes to the definite. On their date she had suggested a mind meld to mend their bond and bring it back to what it once was. It was logical to tell her to take time to consider the full implications. It was logical, but it still hurt slightly to do so.

She had come to his apartment early so they could spend a few hours together before she left the academy for two weeks. They had talked quietly with each other about their plans for Christmas, Nyota was determined to make her relationship with her parents more comfortable. She said her mother was starting to relax more around her, things with her brother had never been affected but her father was still treating her like a china doll. Spock could tell it annoyed her and hurt her slightly but she did not want to tell him to stop, as she said he was only worried because he loved her.

Nyota stretched on the bed beside him where they had laid two hours ago. They had talked haltingly in soft quiet tones for the whole two hours, Nyota laying her head against his stomach right above his heart as he stroked her hair and relished the feeling of talking, just talking to her.

"Nyota?" He whispered.

" No, don't tell me."

" It's time for you to leave."

" No."

" If you do not you will miss your flight to Africa."

" Five more minutes." She said reaching for his hand to stroke his fingers. Spock tried to ignore the tightening in his stomach, if he didn't then Nyota would not leave, and although he didn't want her to leave he knew that she ought to. He took two shallow quick breaths and concentrated on his blood flow for a full minute then gently sat up.

" Nyota." He said leaning over her.

" I do not wish to be apart from you but it is time for you to leave. Do you want me to come to the airport with you?"

" No. It's too hard to say goodbye when you do."

" In that case, it is time to leave." He said bending to place a kiss to her forehead. She sighed and stretched her long arms up to the ceiling then sat up.

" Okay." She moved over to the edge of the bed and stood up. Spock stayed where he was, they had done this enough times to know that she would turn her back and go. It did not offend him because when she turned to go he always felt a wave of pain through their link, he would let her leave in the easiest way.

" Spock." She said pausing by the door but not looking back. " We will meld when I get back, won't we?"

" If you are ready and sure then we will meld when you get back."

" I'll be ready Spock."

" I hope so." He said quietly.

She walked to the doorway. Then looked back her amber eyes glistening.

" I love you, I love you more than I ever thought possible."

" I love you too. One day, there will be no partings."

She smiled at him and they spent a moment taking in the image of each other to savour during the time apart, then she turned and left.

Second week of January

Spock looked around his meditation room, he was nervous and he didn't have time to meditate till Nyota arrived so he made do with a few deep breaths and an ancient Vulcan mantra. He wanted to do this right this time so he was setting the room up to allow for the deepest calmest set of mind. He took his old meditation mat out of the bedroom closet and placed it next to the one his mother had brought him. He moved a low table so that it was set directly in front of the meditation mats. He lit three red candles and placed the small statuette of Surek behind the line of lit candles. He opened the small hidden draw in the table and took out a tiny bowl an inch in diameter and a tiny glass vial filled with a fragrant oil, he took of the lid and let two drops of the oil drip into the bowl almost filling it's slight hollow. The spicy scent reminded him of the old desert temples he had visited in his youth, those sacred places where the very soul of Vulcan had been made. He heard the sound of his front door sliding open, she was early. He stood up and padded on bare feet to the open door of the small dark room. The first thing that struck him about Nyota was the nervous stance, her hands twisting, she looked as if she was trying to take up the least amount of space possible. She gave a weak smile when she saw him. He opened his mouth to ask the question that had been on his mind for the past two weeks but Nyota interrupted him.

"I haven't changed my mind."

Spock felt slightly breathless.

"You are sure?" He asked hearing the slight waver in his voice.

Nyota gave a wider smile, he had found that it seemed to lesson her emotions when he felt the same as she did, which was rare as his emotions affected him a lot less than hers did. Nyota crossed the room to him and stood a few centimetres from him, her chin titled up to look up into his eyes. Wordlessly she raised up to kiss his lips gently. His eyes flickered closed as he took in the familiar but never underappreciated sensation. Spock kept his eyes closed as Nyota broke the kiss. He felt the pressure of her hands rest against his chest followed by another slight pressure of her resting her forehead between her hands. He dropped his head, the skin of his nose being tickled by the silky sweet scented strands of hair. He pressed a kiss to the silky surface.

" I'm sure." She whispered.

Spock opened his eyes and looked down into Nyota's searching for something. He felt a silent inquiry in his mind, the strength of it shocked him and Nyota's lips quirked slightly. Spock felt his own twitching in reply. He reached down and took her hand leading her to the bedroom. He dropped her hand and went to his closet, he git out a white robe identical to the one that he was wearing except smaller and brand new, he had ordered it the week before. He handed it to Nyota.

" Put this on please."

Nyota eyed it a little sceptically.

" The last time we melded it was during a physical joining and was somewhat unusual at least in relation to the information I have read. I want to make this as comfortable for you as possible so I thought that we could begin by meditating to remove or indeed place barriers.

" Okay, but I won't be putting up any barriers. I've had enough of barriers between us."

" As have I." He took a deep breath. There was something he wished to express to her, everything he felt and thought of their joining, the things that had happened to them. He had often expressed emotions to Nyota, but this was more different, this was neither fleeting or something he though he would express to her more than once. She turned from him ready to get undressed but Spock caught her hand as she turned. She looked at him surprised and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

" I used to think that one must always be cautious in loving another. " He started cautiously.

"That it was illogical to give somebody else such power over your emotional state. But you have taught me knowing it You have taught me that however dangerous to let yourself be seen truly for everything that you are, to be accepted and loved by a person who knows you as well as you know yourself is beautiful. "

He felt a cool skinned pressure as she squeezed his hand.

"Perhaps the most beautiful thing in the universe, love is the one true cultural universal, only my people try to deny it. For all their knowledge in that sense they are idiots and I am glad to be able to see that. I love you Nyota." He looked up to see her eyes filled with unshed tears that he knew she would never shed.

"All the positive and the negative aspects within you. The strengths and the weaknesses. I love you for exactly who you are. "

Nyota's hands framed his face and she kissed him passionately.

" I love you for exactly who you are a well." She whispered in his ear her breath tickling it's tip and making the hairs at the back of his neck stand up.

"I'm not going to block you out anymore. I was protecting myself, unintentionally. But we will hurt each other from time to time; it's impossible to love somebody without doing so. I think the good will always out weigh that bad though, I just want to love you and be with you and support you now, because I know you'll always look after me so I'm going to look after you to. "

Spock didn't think he could speak, he just wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him for a few long minutes, but it didn't seem to last long enough. Nyota pushed slightly against his chest and he let go of her.

" I need to.."

"Yes. "

He let go of her so she could quickly change out of her jeans and T-shirt into her meditation robe. Then silently she walked two steps behind him to the meditation room. Spock folded himself onto his old meditation mat and indicated to the mat next to him for Nyota to do the same. Silently she folded herself onto the mat next to him.

" You need to clear your mind and enter a state of calm. "

Spock sat and felt himself drifting down into a meditative state. He felt his breathing and heartbeat slow but couldn't quite find that same level of depth he usually reached before he started to ride himself of excess emotions. He was acutely aware of Nyota by the side of him as she fidgeted slightly. He reached out to her and found that her mind was restless.

Calm Nyota

I am calm

Not the right level of calm.

Spock sent a silent inquiry and Nyota allowed him deeper into her mind where he sent soothing thoughts. He felt her calming slightly under his care.

You are ready to lower your barriers, it helps if you use imagery, picture them as literal barriers.

Okay, I'm in front of a big wall. How do I knock it down?

Nyota asked.

Concentrate on wanting it to fall, then just push.

He heard her gasp and the feeling of serenity quickly disappeared. He opened his eyes and turned to Nyota grabbing her face between his hands. She opened her eyes in shock.

" Nyota?" He asked worried. Her hand reached up and covered his.

" I think I did it."

Spock nodded, realizing that the link between them was almost completely blocked. The last little block was in his mind. He brushed it aside as if it was nothing, after all at this point they were insignificant issues.

"It's time." Spock stayed. Nyota nodded she turned to kneel in front of him, her knees brushing his slightly.

"Are you comfortable?"

" Yes."

Spock reached for her face his fingers moving slightly till a slight tingling in each of his three fingers told him his hand was in the right position. He could already feel the slight pull of her mind. He started the mantra all Vulcan's knew from a young age.

" My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

There was a bright white light. It was not glaring but rather strangely comforting and he felt himself sinking into it and becoming suffused with warmth. He heard a strange double thudding, one quick and sharp the other slow and deep. He realized that it was the beating of both their hearts. Then there was the sound of laughter cutting through the thudding and the strangest noises. The whiteness slowly took on some fuzzy colours and then as if fog suddenly clearing he found himself stood at the edge of a large pool of water. He looked around, it was a blue tiled swimming pool surrounded by a grass area where there were small groups of people sitting, mostly Human and from African decent. He felt a presence beside him and before he could turn he felt a hand clasping knew it was Nyota's he turned to look at her but found himself starring down at a small child with big amber eyes.

" Why here Nyota?"

" I don't know. " The child answered. " It's just one of my favourite places."

Spock turned back to the pool as he looked over the dozen or so children playing in the pool he saw two that he believed he recognized.

" Is that your brother and sister?"

" Yes." The child said sadly.

" Why are you sad Nyota?"

" Because things are changing. I know things must change, but still, I'll miss Peter after I graduate, and I do miss Nyonda, despite everything."

" I know you do."

" Is this normal for a mind meld?"

" It is your mind were currently in, you picked the place."

Nyota nodded.

" I want to jump in." The child said staring up at him.

" Then jump."

" But I don't know how deep it is."

" Let's jump together. "

" Okay."

"One, two, three!"

He held the girls hand as they ran together to the edge of the pool and jumped. Spock closed his eyes ready for the rush of water but it never came, the small hand holding his disappeared though. He opened his eyes to find himself sitting in the familiar stepped seating of a small lecture peered over the five rows of heads and found himself surprisingly looking at himself.

" Is that how you see me?" Spock asked. Staring at the small image of himself standing arms folded behind his back talking in a large clear voice.

" It is you." Nyota answered. Spock turned to see her sat behind him.

"I am not that tall, nor are my features that exact. I believe my ears aren't actually that curved. It is more like a perfected version of me."

" I see you as extraordinarily handsome, because you are. "

" It is not how I see myself."

" How do you see yourself?"

There was another bright light and he found himself in another familiar area. His old school, dark with the strange flashing lights of the bowl computer screens and the chattering of hundreds of childlike voices talking in Vulcan.

" Where are we?" Nyota asked from the side of him.

" In my mind. Or if you are talking about the image this is the school I attended. And that," he said pointing to the smallest child. " Is me."

He watched as the child him was approached by three larger boys.

"Ah, you were cute."

He turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

" Not that you're not still cute."

" I don't think I approve of being cute."

" Well you are."

Spock shot her a disapproving look. She took his hand and they watched in silence as his childhood tormentors began to insult him, when the third called his mother a whore and pushed him. Spock felt a deep shame as he watched his childhood self jump onto his larger attacker and knock him down into the bowl.

" That was the only time I have lost my temper."

Nyota nodded slowly.

" Why are you showing me this, I know you do not see yourself as an out of control child still."
" No Nyota."

She turned to him and gasped, looking down he knew why, his cloths had gone and all over a body that was his own but frail and gaunt were scraps trailing blood and the large dark green bruises. Seemingly unafraid Nyota took a step forwards and touched his cheek lightly her eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

" You still carry it with you after all these years."

Spock looked down at the floor; he felt shame and embarrassment at not having the strength to over come these childish things. He whispered his most guarded secret to her, the words he had never said to anybody.

" I have never belonged. I am not Vulcan enough, I am not human enough."

" Spock." Her hand dropped to his chin and raised it till he meet her eyes.

" You belong here, you have a place here in Star Fleet, here with me. And you are unique but that is nothing to fear, that is something to celebrate, you know these things, you know of IDIC, why do you not see yourself as a part of the infinite diversity? Why do you not see how you are more than a Vulcan and more than a Human. "

She reached down and trailed her fingers over one of the scratches on his chest and then she lowered her head to place a kiss to one of the bruises on his shoulder. Slowly she ran her fingers and lips over all those bruises and scars caused by a lifetime of never belonging and everywhere that her skin touched his cleared and repaired itself. All the pain that he had been carrying for so long that he had become unaware of it was soothed. He would ever be alone again, he may not belong on Vulcan or on Earth but he belonged with Nyota and that went a long way to making everything else alright. His skin cleared his body began to look less gaunt, he began to feel less frail. Nyota gave him a dazzling smile and leaned in to kiss him. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he found himself back in his meditation room sat across from Nyota. As he dropped his hand from her face she also opened his eyes and smiled at him her face relaxed into a serene expression. The link between them was shining bright than it ever had, Spock felt a large part of her was still with him despite the meld had ended. It was a comforting feeling, he truly would never be alone now, she would always be with him in this strong comforting manner.

Thank you Nyota.

Third week of January

Spock straightened his tight and removed a piece of lint from his jacket sleeve. The restaurant he had picked to celebrate the reuniting of their minds had stated 'black tie only' therefore he had put on a black tie. When he had informed Nyota she had stated that they didn't need anything so fancy, but Spock had never found black ties to be partially fancy, purple ties were fancy Chris sometimes wore purple ties but to Spock purple was too frivolous. He pressed his palm to the door pad and in under a minute it opened to revel Nyota in a rich purple silk dress. Purple was good, Spock liked purple. Mainly because the floor length purple strapless dress that clung to Nyota's body took his breath away. And how her meticulously curled hair shined and glinted in the electric light , how her big amber eyes shined and how her painted lips quirked upwards when she greeted him. His heart felt like it was about to burst. He didn't usually like Nyota when made up, she was beautiful so why put on the powders the creams waxes and glosses? But tonight she was gorgeous, tonight she loved him, he could see it in her eyes and smile and that burning bright link that connected their minds. Tonight she was that intelligent confident graceful girl he had first laid eyes on two and a half years previous.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." He answered. They stood staring at each other for a moment, Nyota looked don with a short laugh.

" I guess I should ask you to come in."

" Are you not ready to go yet?"

" No shoes."

He looked down at her feet she had painted her toe nails purple.

" It appears not."

She stepped back into her room and Spock followed her. He watched as she cautiously
knelt by the wardrobe and reached to the back pulling out a pair of shoes.

" It's been ages since I wore high heels. I haven't been out since September I have so much work to do. Even Gaila's only going to the Space-hopper once a week. " She said as she sat on the bed and pulled on the black shoes. He sat next to her.

"Forget it."

She turned to him a look of pure surprise in her face.

"What?"

" Forget all the work for a single night just let it all go and be with me."

She smiled widely and instead of answering leaned forwards to kiss him. Spock allowed himself to fall back onto the bed.

"Spock!" Nyota giggled as she fell on top of him. He reached up and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"You are beautiful."

She gave a small modest smile and bent her head into the crook of his neck where she nipped gently at his neck.

"So are you." She breathed before rolling off him. Spock sat up.

Nyota laughed when she turned to him.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked wanting to share in her happiness.

" The disappointed look on your face when I pulled away."

" I was disappointed but it is logical to cease before we get caught up we do have a table booked."

"Just let me grab my bag."

As she got up the com beeped. She turned to Spock and gave a weak 'I'm sorry' smile as she walked over to the little screen built into the wall. He noticed her moment of anxiety as she read the name of the caller on the screen.

"Who is it?"

"It's home."

"And that causes you anxiety?"

She turned to look at him with a shadow of doubt in her eyes.

"It is because your parents do not approve of me."

" Yes." The doubt suddenly disappeared from her eyes and he felt a strange sense of resolution coming from her. "It's time I sorted that out."

"If you believe so." Spock went and placed his hands on her shoulders making little swirling motions with his thumb as he felt the tension at the back of her neck.

"If you are ready to set this right then you should, it is the logical thing to do, but as this may start a problem with your family I will understand If you choose not to."

"Spock." She sighed taking a step away from him. "I've already got a problem with my family, they think you're bad for me, you're not bad for me you're part of me, the best part. It's time."
She turned the com link on. Mr. Uhura appeared on screen.

"Baba."

" Ny I .."

He stopped talking as he caught sight of Spock.

"Spock! I thought you were out of my daughters life." Mr Uhura said pointedly to Spock, Spock opened his mouth to answer when Nyota took a step in front of him. She was shorter than him so could still see him but still the protective gesture was not lost on Spock and although he did not actually Need protection it pleased him that she was willing to offer it.

"Well he's not Baba." She said.

"Nyota, I just don't like seeing you hurt."

"Well I can't live my life without getting hurt from time to time, not if I ever want to leave the house anyways."

Mr Uhura sighed for a second he seemed quite vulnerable and older than his years to Spock.

"Nyota, over the summer, your depression.."

" Baba, it's rude to speak like this in front of Spock." Nyota cut him off, her voice becoming quite gentle as if she too had noticed the vulnerability and worry in her fathers eyes.
"He knows how I feel about him." snapped.

"Baba, stop. It wasn't Spock's fault, it takes two for a pregnancy to occur and he had the contraceptive jab I was the one who didn't."

"He is older than you Ny, He is your commanding officer, You were underage when you started the academy and he took advantage of his position.."

"No Baba, Spock never took advantage of his position."

"You are young."

Nyota's temper seemed to run out at that moment, like a taught strung suddenly snapping and she spoke quickly and angrily in a tone harsher than any Spock had heard her use before.

"I'm old enough Baba. I pursued Spock, I put myself near him as often as possible, I asked him to kiss me, I sought out the relationship, I initiated the sex, maybe not the time I got pregnant but the first few times. I love him Baba, I love him and you're going to have to forgive him, forgive the both of us, because he's not going away. He's your future son in law."

Something over whelming and glowing and completely unidentifiable but akin to love and pride was building up in Spock's stomach and Moving upwards to rest in his chest and push against his lungs making him feel slightly breathless.

Mr. Uhura gapped at his younger daughter for a moment. Then pressed his lips firmly shut in a scowl.

"I see."

" Look Baba, please just give us Both another chance, We've learnt, we won't be as stupid again."

Mr. Uhura looked passed Nyota to Spock their eyes met for a moment and it felt to Spock as if he were being scanned by an alien and possibly hostile ship. The tense silence lasted so long Nyota was forced to break it.

" We have to go now. I do love you Baba."

" I can do that." Mr. Uhura answered quickly. " But forgiveness takes time. "

" I know. Thank you Baba."

She shut down the link . She turned to Spock emotional exhaustion registering clearly on her face.

Spock raised eyebrow.

"Future son-in-law?" He asked.

Nyota shrugged.

" I lost control of my emotions, sorry."

" Do not apologize, but isn't that suggesting that we are going to get married."

"Yes." she answered wearily.

" Well, should I not get a traditional Terran proposal? Are you not going to get down on one knee and give me a ring?"

"Are you trying to be funny?"

" Yes."

"You're failing."

" You're angry."

" Not at you and i'll calm down in a minute. "

She turned away from him and took a deep breath. " Besides we're married already right? In the Vulcan manner."

" Yes." That warm feeling in Spock grew and he realized that he was smiling but made no attempt to stop it.

" Well I never got any ring, I never got a proposal." Nyota answered. " It would have nice to do things in the Human way as well."

He took a step forwards and wrapped his arms around her waist, letting his chin rest on her shoulder.

"Perhaps I shall remedy that."

" You don't need to, I'm happy with what I got."

" Sex?"

She gave a short laugh at that.

"No, you."

He felt his already smiling lips twitch wider, they were together again and everything between them was going to beall right. He kissed her neck.

"You are distressed. Do you wish me to cancel our reservation, we can order food to be delivered to my apartment."

She turned to him and smiled naturally.

"Okay."

"Don't get changed."

"Okay."

So, they're back.

Was that extrodiarily sickeningly soppy? Reveiw , please.