Stephenie has it all. I just decided to play with her characters and add some of mine.
Pre-read by TeamAllTwilight.
This covers a long period of time: since Edward started being interested in Bella until his near death experience. Enjoy!
I'd be a fool if I said I didn't want a small taste of Swan, but I stayed away since I knew Alice's BFF was off limits. That was until she started showing interest. I mean, she couldn't really hate me if she offered me ice for my busted face. She wouldn't have looked at me with pity when she heard about what had happened. Fucking Jared, and his, secret hot chick.
Being co-resident advisers helped me become closer to Swan and slowly, I was getting under her skin. When she suggested I should start dating, my first reaction was to say no because relationships hurt. The closest thing to a relationship I had was with Sylvia and I ended up hurt. But, I twisted her words around and landed myself a date with little Swan. The date went surprisingly well and we ended up having lots of fun. Who thought Swan could be so funny?
She became a regular at my practices and when the guys asked if I tapped that, I told the truth. No. Of course, no one knew my intention. I wasn't stupid. Jasper and Emmett were on the team. I wasn't going to divulge my plan, on which I had worked so hard.
Waking up early on weekends wasn't that bad. I grew to enjoy her company, and she was unlike any girl I had banged. She was smart, funny and very helpful. She helped everyone and it wasn't only because she was an RA. That was just her normal disposition.
Trying to call each other by our first names was easier than I thought. Her name rolled nicely off my tongue. And I could tell she started giving me that look, the look I usually got from girls that ended up in bed with me. It would be so easy.
And after our date, I found out that Bella knew how to kiss. Oh, and her taste, that alone made me hard. She was all soft, warm, and smelled like fruits. I just wanted to lose myself in her. I regretted getting so smashed, that I couldn't remember if we kissed the night of the date. She decided to fuck with me, which wasn't nice. Somehow, I managed to think of Bella as more than just a fuck. That was confusing, but understandable, because I had to chase her and woo her into bed.
The second date, oh now, that is a different story. I chose a chick-flick thinking she was into that. I mean she's a girl. Bella didn't seem interested and blushed like mad when the couple on the screen kissed and started taking clothes off. I proposed we make out since we weren't watching the thing and she looked at me as if I had three eyes. Then I messed with her and won, I always win. When I tasted her lips again, it had been heaven, pure heaven. And Bella allowed my tongue inside her mouth. At the sound of her soft moan, I couldn't help but respond in kind. I started swirling my tongue around then dragged her on my lap. I prayed she wouldn't feel my erection, no need to scare her off. When the movie ended and the lights came on, I was satisfied to see she looked kind of sad it ended. I was too. I had just started kissing her, or so it felt. I hadn't realized we were holding hands until she pointed it out. It had felt so natural.
Then the game with UCLA came and so my first nearly-heart-attack came. After I got in the usual fight with Damian, I realized Bella was missing and then…I saw her, cornered by the fucking pricks from the Bears. I wanted to rip their arms off and take their eyes out. No one should be touching my girl. After I rescued her, I took care of her bruised wrists, wondering if it was really because of me that she went after them. She must feel something, right?
Once we were alone in my room, which happened a lot lately, I put on a movie. We sat on my couch and it was nice to see that Swan had changed. She didn't push me away when I started kissing her. Once the movie started, I arranged her on my lap, knowing that it was time to make my move. I waited for about half an hour before I made my move. My hands that had rested on her knees started traveling up her thighs, slowly. She tensed, but I didn't expect otherwise.
"Ehh Cullen?" Bella mumbled, sounding scared.
"Huh?"
"Stop it."
"Nope." Like I was going to stop. I almost snorted. I was finally getting what I wanted all along.
"Please?" she pleaded, her voice trembling.
"Scared?" I asked against her neck. Damn, she smelled so good. I could get lost in her.
"Terrified."
The tremor in her voice snapped me out of my lust filled daze. She was really scared. "Why, Swan? I want to have some fun." My right hand had finally reached the desired spot. Her warm pussy.
Bella shot off his lap like I had electrocuted her. Geez, I must have lost my touch. "Because I haven't done it before! Okay?" she shouted in a high pitched voice I'd never heard her use before, as a beautiful blush spread on her cheeks.
Then I registered her words. I felt my heart stopping for a second then starting double speed. What the fuck was I doing? More accurately, what the fuck was she doing?
"What? You…wait a fucking second. You mean…Jesus!" I groaned, moving to the edge of the couch, dropping my head in my hands. Figures that the only girl I really liked, would be inexperienced.
I had to proceed with caution. "Come here, Swan. We need to talk," I told her softly, extending my hand in front of me. She looked like a small, scared puppy afraid to approach me.
"I don't think so."
"Come on. I swear I won't do anything."
I had managed to scare her.
If I had known…I wouldn't have touched her.
If I had known…I wouldn't have agreed to this dating shit.
If I had known…I wouldn't have chased her.
There was only one other girl whom I had been with that was still a virgin. The first time with Sylvia, I popped her cherry. But, we were both in high school, so that would be more normal.
How could a beautiful girl like Bella not have had been with anyone? She must be joking, although chicks don't joke about that shit.
She approached me slowly and sat on the opposite end of the couch. "What?" she asked meekly.
"I didn't know. Really. You believe me, right?" I asked, trying to show the truth in my words.
"I don't know! Why should I believe you? What are you trying to prove by this? It's my fault too, because I never specified that I wanted just a date. I just wanted to show you how to do it then…you'd be off with another girl," she rambled, being all cute again. But she didn't trust me. I hadn't done anything to earn her trust.
"Maybe I wanted all this, with you. Just you," I insisted, realizing how true my words were. Somewhere, along the way, Swan started growing on me. And after tonight's events when I thought something bad was going to happen…my heart was beating irregularly and my stomach was in knots. That had to mean something. I knew the feeling and I had been rejecting it for too long.
"I haven't accepted your advances and now, it's something new and you like it. You'd get bored soon and go to another girl."
Did she really think that?
"No! It's not like that! Swan, I really like you," I whispered, biting my lip and wishing she'd believe me.
"I don't think so, Cullen. You like the idea of me. Just like I said: it's something new. Give it some time and-"
"How much more time? You're the first girl I've been with for so long! And I've been with you, or our friends every second. You'd know if I went to another girl, which I haven't. Can't you see? I've changed!" I almost yelled. Then I felt bad, remembering that time, a few weeks ago when Jacob's stupid sister cornered me and somehow we started kissing. It hadn't meant a thing.
"Why me?" Bella whispered, confused.
"Why not you?" I countered. "You are the only girl I can hold a conversation with. It doesn't matter it's in higher tones that your normal conversation…but the girls…well, all they wanted was…me. My body, I guess," I admitted. Then the most horrible idea ever crossed my mind. I eyed her carefully, unsure if I was right or not. "You don't want this. Are you playing, here?" I wanted to punch myself for what I had said.
"Are you high?" she yelled, growing angry. "You're my first fucking kiss!"
I gasped, feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. Bella had been a little saint. An angel. I had corrupted her – she said fuck – and now…I was accusing her of some horrible things. I didn't know how I could stand myself.
Then she started crying and I felt even worse. "Fucking shit! I…look, Bella…I don't know why I said that, but don't cry. I have no idea what to do!" I said, panicked and raked both hands through my hair. I was helpless when it came to women and tears.
"Because that's who you are," she choked out. I had no idea what that meant, but I didn't ask.
"I didn't…I shouldn't have. Sorry?" I whispered, wishing she'd be able to forgive me. I wrapped both arms around her, crushing her to my chest, inhaling her floral scent that drove me mad.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked into my shirt after a while.
"I really regret what I said." I wished I could take it back.
"Not this," Bella mumbled. "I meant…why do you treat girls like that? Why do you hurt them?"
In that moment, I felt like I had to tell her everything. Everything. Things I hadn't even told my sibling, my parents even. "I don't mean to hurt them. It has to do…with my past, maybe," I admitted, swallowing the bile that rose in my throat. Could I really go down that memory lane? Was it wise to tell her?
She stayed quiet, waiting for me to talk.
"I'm…argh Jesus! I haven't talked about this with anyone." I moved away a fraction, suddenly needing space and lots of air. Only thinking of that made my blood boil, but at the same time…it gave me chills. "Don't breathe a word," I told her sternly.
"Never," she promised quickly.
"Just Esme and Carlisle know this. I've been adopted by them at the age of nine."
"Don't Emme-" Bella started asking, confused. I should have phrased it better.
"They know I'm adopted, but they don't know the background." I glanced at her and saw that concerned look on her face. That made me frown. I didn't want to sadden her with my horrible past. "Can I lay here?" I gestured to her lap. That way, I would see her face and know when to stop and I really liked when she played with my hair.
I put my head on her lap and sighed. "Is it okay?" I asked.
She nodded and started stroking my hair like I knew she would. "What happened to you?"
Horrible things happened to me. Things you wouldn't even dream of. "As I said, they adopted me at nine. Until then…I lived with those…ehh people?" I made it a question. "They can't be called parents. Until I went to school and heard other kids talk about their homes, I thought it was normal…for parents to drink until they fell under the table or for the kid to do the chores…to be…beaten if he didn't do said chores," I mumbled into her stomach the end of the sentence, wishing she heard and I wouldn't have to say it louder.
"What?" she whispered, worried.
I gulped, making myself courage to admit it out loud. "Beaten if he didn't do said chores."
"Crap!" Bella shouted, startling me. "Sorry. It's…I can't imagine…" Of course, you can't imagine that, Bella. I'm sure you had a wonderful childhood like a normal kid should have. I thought to myself.
"I know how you feel. I didn't know something else existed. So imagine the amazement I felt when I heard the other kids talk about parents coming home from work, cooking, playing with them, talking with them, watching TV together and other shit. I asked mine and they…were too drunk to answer. My uhh father, I guess, I should call him…he would beat me. I remember that and he told me not to say anything about what happens home," I finished and glanced at her, gauging her reaction.
"Go on, if you can." Ah, so compassionate.
"Why wouldn't I be able to? Later, after Carlisle adopted me…he told me that they were in great debt and didn't give a flying fuck about their lives anymore. But, what had I done wrong?" I asked, rhetorically. No one had answered that question. I had asked myself that one too many times during those years while I lived in Chicago.
"You were at the wrong place, at the wrong time." It made sense. Bella was right, of course. But, it didn't erase the bad memories.
"Probably. It took me a few months until I adapted to their lives. Imagine, coming from that, into a loving family with two weird twins. Alice was hyper, still is, kept babbling and even attempted once to dress me in girl clothes. I let her…because I thought-"
"She might hurt you if you didn't?" Bella added, looking at me with a kind of strange emotion in her eyes.
"Yes. And there was Emmett, too. It took me years to realize that that is his usual tone, or that when he punched me, it was for fun. I bruise easy and I had lots of bruises. Esme was angry with Emmett every time I had a new bruise." I chuckled.
"Why haven't you told them this?" Bella asked curiously. Her fingers grazed my cheek. It felt so good.
"I don't need Alice's pity. She suspects something bad happened to me before I came to them, but she never said anything. And Emmett, well…he'd encourage me do what I don't want to do."
"Like what?"
"Go and find them, maybe beat them back, or…something."
"He wouldn't! That's not Emmett," she shouted.
Maybe not, but I'd at least demand a sound explanation and I knew they didn't have one. They just enjoyed beating the shit out of me. He did, actually because my…mother, well only a few times, had she hit me.
"Well, this is my magnificent story. So…back to your original question. I decided that there's only one life and to live it, I couldn't care about anything."
"But you are aware that you hurt those girls?"
"Sometimes." I shrugged. Of course, I knew I hurt them. But, I had started repelling feelings, so I didn't really care about them as long as I got what I wanted. "Seriously, don't tell anyone. Please," I insisted. I wasn't beyond begging.
"I won't, I promise."
As I fell asleep that night, I still wondered if it was a good idea I had told Bella about my past. It had felt good to share that part of myself with someone – like a weight being lifted off my chest, but it also scared the shit out of me. If she decided she hated me again in the morning…she could use some of that against me. But, she wasn't like that.
Then, all too soon, Christmas came. I told Esme that I had a big project and I couldn't do it at home. In one word, I had lied to the only person that didn't deserve that.
Once our friends went home, I had Bella all to myself. We had grown closer. I even felt guilty when I bumped in some girl I had been with, who tried to hook up with me again. I kept saying no. Most of them understood…except Jake's sister. She was getting on my nerves. Every time I bumped into her, she made sure to shove her tongue down my throat and grope me. Couldn't she get the hint? I had only once had sex with her, the other times, she had blown me. Why the fuck was she so clingy?
Was she so stupid that she didn't understand the meaning of "I'm not interested?"
On Christmas Eve, I watched the movie Home Alone with Bella. I had seen it so many times that I bet with her I wouldn't laugh. Really, some jokes grow old. Apparently, not Home Alone. I lost in the first five minutes of the movie. It was hilarious and I was tearing up a little. Bella insisted I change my ringtone into a cheesy carol for the holiday. I sucked it up since I had lost.
The next morning, she wanted to run.
For one, it was Christmas.
For two, it was freezing outside.
And for three, I wanted nothing more than to snuggle with her in bed. Which wasn't likely to happen, but a guy could dream.
We started bickering – the best start of a day. Then somehow, I don't even know how it happened, she agreed she was ready to sleep with me. I wasn't going to waste that opportunity. I had promised her I was ready to tell everyone about us. And I was. Physically and mentally. She had managed to change me and I had grown to like her so much it was scary. When she wasn't around, I had a hole in my chest and it hurt like fuck.
I grabbed a few condoms and my phone, put my slippers on and was ready to go to her room since she looked with disgust at my bed. I was disgusted by it too. I was disgusted with myself.
Once in her room, I undressed her slowly and tried making it last, making it wonderful for her. It was the least I could do. When I was sure we were both more than ready, I slipped inside her. And good heaven, she was so fucking tight and her pussy didn't seem to like Toto since her walls squeezed me tightly, rejecting me. And like an inexperienced fifteen year old, I let go of my jizz. It hadn't even been a minute. I wondered if there was a record out there of a man lasting about twenty seconds. I'd go in Guinness Book of World Records. My first time, I lasted three minutes straight. I know that shit all thanks to Sylvia's idea of having a timer close by. She just wanted to joke about it, but I didn't give her the pleasure since I had lasted so long.
Suddenly, Bella moved her hips and my extra sensitive cock didn't like it at all.
"Don't move!" I all but shouted. It was almost painful.
"Uhh, isn't that how this works?" she asked, innocently.
"For it to work… I have to be hard," I muttered, making eye contact and wishing she understood me. "Jesus! What are you doing to me?"
"What happened?" Bella looked so lost and adorable that second.
"Do you really want me to voice it?" I moaned, incredulously. Okay, she didn't have experience but common knowledge let you know that the guy has to be hard for it to work, right? "I… ummm you see. I already came." I wanted to disappear in that second.
She fucking giggled. I glared at her. Sure, laugh away.
"Fucking hell! It's either you, or the lack of action, but let's just say that I haven't mastered this before. Not even my first time," I admitted, chuckling.
"Oh my God!" She gasped for air, burrowing her face in my shoulder. "Why do girls want you?"
"Oh Swan! You'll pay for that one!" I growled playfully and got off her. "Just a second, I need another condom." I laughed and shook my head. All the talking hadn't stopped my little friend from poking his head out again. It was definitely something about Bella. Making me lose my head, recuperating faster than ever before, and being almost always half hard when I was around her.
"It's cold here," she complained loudly and attempted to pull the blanket over her delicious body.
"Oh no, you don't!" I shouted and covered her soft body with mine. "Now, where were we?"
"I have to work hard to rebuild your ego." Bella brought my head down for a kiss. I realized it was the first time she initiated a kiss or anything, really. I was glad to see her breaking from her shell.
"That you do!" I chuckled and kissed her back as slowly and romantically as possible. "Are you hurting?"
"Now, no. Let's see what happens when you're inside."
"Try to relax or you'll shatter my ego to nothingness," I warned her.
The second try was much better. I fit perfectly inside her and the sounds she was making, the way she clung to me, the way she called my name…it made my heart swell. This wasn't sex. I knew sex. I did it all the time. This was something else. And that feeling inside me…I finally let it out.
For a second, I realized she could see right through me, how much I enjoyed this, but I didn't care. I was ready to shout to the world that I was with Bella Swan. That somewhere along this dating game, I had fallen for her. I was head over hills, as they say.
I quickened my pace as I neared my impeding climax then fell on top of her, mumbling nonsensical words. I was already half asleep, not really aware of what I was babbling. Bella was talking to me but I wasn't sure what she said because I fell asleep before I could register her words.
I had a wonderful dream of us near the lake, talking and holding hands and kissing and being…in love.
The first chores of Blue Christmas filled the air and I realized my phone was ringing. Fucking thing. I wanted back to that wonderful dream.
Bella was sleeping peacefully and I grabbed the phone quickly as not to wake her.
"Yes?" I hissed, rolling off the bed.
"Edward! Did you go home?" Rachel. Jacob's sister.
"No." I wanted to kick myself in the ass.
"I'm in front of your room and you're not answering," she announced me on her nasal voice.
"What do you want?" I whispered.
"To talk about us," she whined.
"I'll be right there." Hopefully for the last time. She has to get it in her stupid head that there is no us.
I tugged my pajama bottoms on me and slipped in my slippers, kissed Bella's forehead which resulted into a light smile on her face. I grinned back though she couldn't see.
"I'll be right back, sweetie."
I left her room and after about ten steps, I came nose to nose with that bitch.
"Where were you?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.
"None of your fucking business," I snapped at her.
"We are together, Edward. Are you cheating on me?"
"Are you fucking insane?" I yelled. "We," I gestured between us, "aren't anything! Grasp that! We've hooked up once or twice, it was nice. That's it!"
She threw her arms around my neck. "Don't be silly! I know you want me."
"Look, I don't know what delusional idea you got, but there's nothing between us."
She took my cheeks in her hands and parted my lips with her wet tongue. Everything inside me revolted against it. I didn't want to push her away because she was likely to fall and Jake would kill me if I hurt her, but I had to separate from the unwanted invasion. I groaned when her pelvis bumped into my crotch and she started rubbing herself on me.
I heard a strangled sob from behind me and my heart stopped beating. Bella. Holy fucking shit. Not now.
I wrenched myself from Ramona and turned to Bella. She was crying. And it was only my fault.
I tried taking control over the situation and in the end; I got a slap on my cheek from Rebecca (who cares about her name?) and one huge motherfucking punch from Bella. She could punch, all thanks to her cop daddy. Not carrying how I was dressed, I ran after her. I had to make it right. She just had to stop and listen to me, which wasn't likely to happen. I tried everything I thought it might work, but I ended back in my room, alone and with a motherfucking whole in my chest.
I had managed to hurt the only person I had let myself feel something for. The only person I loved.
The bile rose in my throat as I thought of Bella's pain stricken face as she looked at me and Rebecca/Rachel/whatever her name was. I made it on time in front of the toilet to throw up.
Time seemed irrelevant after that. It flew by and I didn't know what happened around me. From time to time, I'd see Bella and that gut wrenching pain would resurface making me hate myself even more. Then I saw her with Jacob and I didn't know the pain could intensify, but it did. She was paying me back, but she was so much crueler than me.
It hadn't been my fault that happened. She was deliberately breaking my heart and stomping all over it. The sad part is that I let her. She seemed to be attached to Jacob and incidentally they were everywhere I was.
In the arena, during practices, it was the worst time. I had to be there while, during each break, he'd go to her and they'd start kissing and touching and making me puke in my mouth. Of what I realized, Rosalie wasn't on Bella's side. With good reason too.
I knew Jacob was better than most guys since he used to be my best friend. He had an ulterior motive to be with Bella. And God help me, if he tried anything, I'd cut his dick into little pieces. He was just like I used to be. A ladies' man. If he dared to make Bella sleep with him only to dump her afterwards, he was going to get acquainted with my right hook. Multiple times. Until I was sure he learned his lesson.
As February rolled, I realized Jake was serious about Bella.
On V-Day, I had to get away. Classes had been torturous since I had seen everyone happy and all lovey-dovey. On my way to the car, I bumped into Sam Uley, one of Jake's best friends, lately.
He smirked at me, but I ignored him. He was a fucked up dude. I went to my car, having in mind to hit a bar and spend the night there, drowning myself in beer.
When I reached my car, someone pushed me against the door. I froze for a second before I tried to elbow them in the stomach. I couldn't since they held my arms.
"Going somewhere, Cullen?"
It was Sam. What the fuck was his problem?
"Get off me, you dick!" I shouted, jerking away. Nothing happened.
"You see, you will pay for hurting Jake's lil' sista."
"Are you fucking crazy? She was on me like a leech!"
"Get in there like a good lil' boy and let me take care of ya," Sam slurred out. I didn't have to listen to his drunken ass, but I couldn't resist. He pushed me inside the car and suddenly, fear gripped. What was he going to do?
"Whoa, Uley! It's not my fucking fault Coach didn't accept you on the team. And I don't know what is with Jake's sister! If she was with you, you have to know-"
He slapped his hand over my mouth making my eyes widen. Fucking hell. This wasn't happening.
"Listen here and listen good. You'll pay for what you did to Rebecca."
"I didn't mean to," I said against his palm. I had to save my ass and I had no idea what to do. "What the fuck are you doing?" I demanded, trying to escape him when he taped my hands to the steering wheel.
"NO!" I shouted when I realized what he was doing after he grabbed my keys and started the engine. "Fucking stop, Sam!"
He smirked again and slammed the door shut. I tried freeing my hands but realized soon that I'd most likely break my wrists before I freed them.
"Sam!" I yelled. "What the fuck, man?"
He went behind my car and I saw in the side mirror as he bent. No fucking way. This wasn't happening. When he returned to my side, I saw him on the phone.
"Jake says hi," he mouthed to me before wriggling his fingers and leaving.
Jake? Was he serious? Jake? My best fucking buddy?
I realized that the more I fussed, the more carbon dioxide I inhaled.
God, this can't be happening. A small part of my brain told me that Jake wouldn't do such a thing, but apparently…he did. Though…he didn't have the guts to do it himself.
I started coughing and my head started aching. I couldn't breathe.
Everything started becoming fuzzy, then I thought I saw an angel outside my door. I was dying. She was worried, shouting something. The last thought I had before I passed out was that the angel was Bella.
Waking up in the shithole was weird. My right hand was unusually warm and sticky but I couldn't dwell on that as a horrible coughing fit took over me. Every organ in my body hurt. Then I realized Bella was next to me and almost screwed it up even more. I shouldn't have blamed her of anything. I should have known Jake's game.
It felt so natural to be with her, around her. We fell easily into our old bickering game over something trivial as laughing.
When Emmett and Rosalie joined us, we talked about what had happened. I was so confused, I barely remembered anything…besides Bella's face looking panicked at me. When she said something about Sam Uley…it felt like a distant memory.
She was too nice with me, spending most of her time in the hospital, though I didn't deserve it. And slowly, we grew closer again and I vowed to make it right this time around. I wasn't going to let someone like her slip through my fingers. She was one in a million. She was precious and for some reason, she forgave me and wanted to try again.
I wasn't going to let her down. Ever again.
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