This last month has been computer hell. My P.C. blew up taking my Star Trek D.V.D with it. Once fixed the internet went down, and stayed down. So I decided though no where near finished It was about time I put something up, so here we go with another split chapter. A difficult split chapter as well because a lot of what I've written is inside Spock's mind and the whole chapter despite being quite long actually only takes u about twenty minutes of real time. Here we go…

The spaces that remain part 1

Spock felt his entire body go cold and numb. He looked around feeling lost Kirk and Sulu were still in the transport room. They looked at him with shock and pity, somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that Chekov who was at the transport controls looked devastated.

Spock took a minute to consider what he was going to say, his mind seemed to be working sluggishly. There was a pain and emptiness in his mind that felt like the worst headache he had ever experienced and behind that a loud roaring so he could barely hear what was going on. The death screams of millions of Vulcans at once. If he had been able to he would have thrown up. He felt a tide of grief wash over him, everything was lost.

Not everything he reminded himself.

Nyota, are you there?

Spock! Are you alright?

He could not answer her. But to know that their connection remained, that she was still his bondmate and she was at least safe and untarnished by the screaming that seemed to be growing lower as if coming to an end. It did not bring him relief; the end of that screaming meant the final death of Vulcan. But again, not all was lost, the elders were here. Vulcan culture could survive they would be weak but they would survive. He would not think of his mother. The Enterprise was still here, he had to take control of himself to take control of the Enterprise. Chris had trusted him; he had left him in charge of the Enterprise, responsible for the lives of four hundred and eleven other people.

"Kirk." He muttered.

"Yes."

"Show the elders to the medical bay. Sulu, get treated quickly I need you on the bridge."
Spock folded his arms behind his back before turning to glance at his father. He looked at his chest rather than his face.

"I shall be on the bridge."

He turned to leave. He kept his eyes down as he walked. As he passed Chekov he had the strange urge to reach out and touch his shoulder instead he just spoke to him.

"Chekov, I shall require you back on the bridge, if you need to take a moment to compose yourself that is ...fine."

He exited the room and walked without knowing where he was going. Somewhere on deck seven he realized that he was simply walking the halls, gaining the odd glances from people as they walked passed him. Everybody around him was moving with hurried steps, everybody had a purpose and he knew he need to get his focus back. He could mourn later for now he needed to fulfill his purpose. He stepped into the first turbolift he could find and headed for the bridge. In his mind he was making lists of things he needed to do. Lists were logical, lists had purpose and lists were safe. He could feel Nyota at the back of her mind, a constant tingling sensation and he knew that she was concentrating on their link to read his emotions. He didn't have much concentration or energy to block his emotions from her but he knew that he had immediately shut a part of himself off when his mother had died. He did not want Nyota to suffer his pain.

Nyota turned to look at him as he walked onto the bridge, he acknowledged it with a slight nod. He sat down in the captain's chair. On the screen in front of him was the big circle that was blacker than deep space. Vulcan had once inhabited that space. Now all that was left of it was a few fragments of debris that h\ad still to be sucked into the blackness.

The ship had withdrawn to a distance where they were no longer at threat from the black hole but with no orders from him the ship could not move any further. It would not be wise to make decisions without first knowing all the facts so he pressed the communication button on the side of the chair.

"Engineering report please."

"There are radiation leaks on the lower decks. Decks two and three and half of four are out of bounds without radiation suites. We are Warp capable."

Spock considered this for a moment, desks two and three contained storage areas meaning that the simple proteins used in the replicators would be contaminated. Deck four had science labs and even some quarters.

" How long for repairs?"

"I've got to say at least five hours at this point. We have a pressure problem, we mend one leak and another crops up."

"Can you reroute the coolant system?"

"I'm not following your train of thought."

"Cooling the gas will lower the pressure."

The engineer seemed to consider it for a moment."That would work sir but it may take slightly longer."

"Do it." Spock said. He need time to think and he needed another's opinion because at the moment he did not trust his own mind at the moment but he could not let his crew know how lost he felt. They need to rely on him and he needed to stick to his decisions rather than question them.

"Captain?" Nyota said. The strange word from the familiar and beloved voice stunned him for a moment.

"Doctor McCoy is hailing you."

"Patch him through."

Within two seconds a little light was flashing on the arm of his chair.

"McCoy, what is the status of the elders?"

"As well as can be expected."

Before Spock could ask him for a statement more fitting to a Star Fleet medical officer McCoy interrupted him.

"I need you down here Captain."

"What do you need me for? Is my father well?"

"Your father is fine, I need to determine that you are fine."

"I assure you I am in good physical health."

"Well excuse me I wasn't aware you had your medical degree. Look Captain you have undergone physical and mental distress and I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't give you a quick scan. Would you please report to me as soon as it becomes convenient for you to do so."

Spock took a deep breath, at least McCoy was being respectful and doing his duty correctly.

" Confirmed." He said. "I need an update on the casualty lists."

"Twenty three dead, two seriously injured, five radiation burns, but other than that broken bones and minor abrasions."

"Thank You."

He shut the link down and turned to Nyota.

"Lieutenant Uhura, are you picking up anything from Vulcan ships."

"There's a lot of confusion out there. Permission to send out an information signal?"

"Se if you can contact the fleet, tell them that Vulcan has been destroyed. They should prepare to receive all evacuees." He took a deep breath. "Can you estimate how many evacuees' there are?"

"There is a lot of ships sir, the airways are full, I estimate there to be three hundred and eighty ships."
"Sir?" An ensign on the scanner called him.

"Yes Ensign."

"The ships are of various sizes I can pick up fifty six of the large evacuation vessels, and the rest are shuttles and science vessels."

"Thank you ensign. Lieutenant are most of the signals you are picking up distress signals?"

"A lot of them are sir."

Spock nodded and raised his voice slightly ready now to give orders.

"We will remain in orbit for eight minutes to give the evacuees a chance to pick up our signals. I want all resource to go to trying to determine whether there are any ships in imminent danger." He stood up. "If there are organize the rescue missions, and Uhura, see if you can get numbers so that the Fleet bases on Earth can prepare more efficiently."

There was a chorus of yes sirs but Spock only heard one. He headed for the turbo lift. He saw Nyota glance slightly at him.

There will be time to talk later. He silently told her.

"I will be at the medical bay." He said aloud.

Spock had managed to get orders out and to make a competent logical decision but as he walked to the medical bay he felt the thudding in his head and the nauseous feeling in his stomach. He could not rid himself of the feeling that something was missing, that everything was empty. He knew he would see his father in the medical bay, he did not know how to face him. He did not know what to say. Spock had loved her, his mother. His father had said he had married her because it was logical. He tried to concentrate on simply stopping his hands from shaking, keep breathing, keep walking. The noise hit him the minute the doors of the medical bay opened, sobbing, groans of pain and a sudden scream. He looked up to see a full medical bay, the beds had all been full and the emergency cots had been brought out, extra chairs had been added to the room as well and every square foot seemed to be occupied by somebody. Spock experienced a moment of confusion with all the movement going on around him. There just seemed to be to many sensations battering him for him to gain focus or harmony of thought. He found McCoy he was stood over an engineer sat on one of the pop up cots. He was twisting the mans wrist around whilst scanning him with a medical tricorder. Spock figured that the scream had come from that man having just had a dislocated arm popped back into its socket. The moment the scan was finished McCoy turned on his heels and walked over to another bed, a girl in a science officer uniform, a cadet, Sally Roberts Spock remembered admiring her bright red hair when she had first walked into one of his guest lectures. Now Sally Roberts had thick red blood matting that red hair. Spock made his way through the mass of people trying not to touch anybody. When he got to the bed he looked down into wide unfocused green eyes.

"Hello Ensign Roberts. You are injured."

"A wall fell on me."

"Doctor?"

"She'll be alright, a laceration and a concussion. She just needs to have somebody keep an eye on her. Want to hop on the bed next to the Ensign here. We're kind of low on space."

"That will not be necessary. If you scan me you will find I am quite well. I do have some bruising on my arm, although the pain is not serious blocking it is taking away some of the concentration I require to perform my duty. If you could give me a numbing agent I would be grateful."

McCoy had already turned his Tricorder onto Spock. Spock watched as he stared at the small screen the skin between his eyebrows furrowed with concern and Spock wondered for a moment if with his psychological pain he had missed some physical injury. He did not want to look back at the period when he had been on Vulcan, the last time he had seen the planet he had been born and raised on, he did not won't to go over that time to see if he could have gained some kind of injury.

"Doctor?"

McCoy glanced up at him.

"Come with me I'll get you that pain killer."

McCoy led him through the medical bay, he tapped one of the two other doctors M'Benga who was talking with the elders and whispered some instructions into his ear. McCoy tapped a code into the pad of the medical storage closet. The door slid open. Spock felt a little unsure when McCoy indicated him to follow him into the large walk in cupboard. Spock stepped in, he watched the door close behind him before he turned to McCoy. He had hoped the man would have grabbed a vial of pain killer injected him and left but when he saw the expression on his face he knew that the man wished to discuss something with him.

"Doctor? Have you lured me into the closet on false pretenses."

McCoy looked irritated but he seemed to push the irritation away.

"I was concerned. Your brain waves, there is something going on there that I've never seen before."

Spock frowned at him, he had the sudden urge to shout at him. How could he expect his brainwaves to be normal, he had a family link broken, he had the death screams of almost the entire population of Vulcan reverberating around in his head like an echo that would never leave him. And he had bonded since his last scan. Spock took a deep breath; McCoy's eyes were boring into his waiting for an answer.

"I thank you for your concern but it is not necessary."

McCoy gave a slow nod. He turned and grabbed one of the long lines of multi colored vials form the shelf. This one was bright red. Her picked a hypo needle from the shelf above it.

"I'm hoping this one won't mess with you metabolism. Raise your sleeve."
Spock pulled his sleeve up revealing the dark green bruises on his skin from where he had protected his head from falling rocks. There was a slight sting when McCoy pushed the hypo to his skin then spreading warmth that Spock knew would sooth the pain in a few minutes.

"You know if you need anything.."

"I shall ask. I require you on the bride in four minutes. I also require Ensigns Kirk and Sulu so if you could move them up your priorities list."

"In case you didn't notice it I'm needed here."

"I shall not require your presence for long. There are two Lieutenants in the science department with some medical training I will assign them to you. They can treat some of the less serious cases."

"Well, that will help." McCoy said after a moments thought.

"I will expect the three of you on the bridge ion three minutes and forty seconds." Spock left the cupboard without another word. He strode through the medical bay taking quick note of who was there and from what he could see the extent of their injuries. It was clear that they needed more space. He noticed a member of the security team who was having a large gash on his hand mended with a skin regenerator by Nurse Chapel. He stopped by them.

"Nurse, when will Lieutenant Shiad be ready for duty?"

"A couple of minutes Mr. Spock."

"Lieutenant." He nodded towards him.

"Sir."

"I was wondering if you could consult with Doctor M'benga over which of the Vulcan elders are well enough to leave sick bat and then please find them some quarters, the medical staff need more room to perform at an optimal level."

"Spock." Spock felt a sudden wave of panic at the sound of his father's voice. Hew turned to glance at him.

"Father, have you been checked by Doctor M'Benga?"

"Yes, I am uninjured. I wished to know if you were injured."

"No Father I am also well. I am required on the bridge."

Sarek bowed his head slightly and Spock took the half second to look at him properly. Was he being affected in the same way as Spock, if he was in pain, if he was trying to find the logic in amongst the chaos and finding it difficult to do so. It seemed to him that his father's eyes were a little duller than usual, that his back was not as straight as usual, and that his shoulder slouched slightly. But these miniscule signs added up to nothing except exhaustion and perhaps a little shock at the sudden loss of a planet.

"I am sure we shall see each other at a later time." Sarek said.

Spock inclined his head slightly and walked away. As he headed back to the bridge he couldn't help but wonder through all the pain what he would be like if he lost Nyota. It was not a thought he could bare for long. He knew he would not be able to stand there in the middle of a crowded medical bay and ask after the health of somebody else. He doubted he would be able to stand at all, he loved her because the only times in his life he had felt like he truly belonged and truly at peace were with her. He loved her because she smiled whilst she slept and because she told jokes he could understand and because she always strived to be better and because she kissed the tips of his ears before whispering that she loved him and because she reached into his mind and mended all his wounds. He loved her for every reason and for no reason. She was just his T'hy'la He would not see her come to harm.

He looked for her when he first walked onto the bridge. She did not turn to him she was working the com station typing and finely tuning the instrument to pick up and sort different message streams. She bit her lip slightly as she listened intently to the messages. He knew that pa t of the reason she was working hard was for him. He really wanted to say her name, to hear it on his tongue to reach out and touch her and assure himself that she was still here, she was real and his. Nyota, he thought her name not being able to say it allowed. The ten minutes he had allowed them was not yet up so he just sat in the chair that rightfully belonged to Chris and waited giving them the time they needed to assure the surviving Vulcan's made it to earth safely. Then Spock had a decision to make. Christopher had ordered them to meet with the rest of the fleet in the Laurentian system but that was before an attempted xenocide. It was not a situation the federation had ever dealt with before in it's one hundred and fifty year history and there were no rules or guidelines on how a stand in captain, the last survivor of an entire fleet with valuable passengers and a damaged ship should act when there was a homicidal maniac with the ability to create black holes running around in a heavily populated quadrant of the galaxy was supposed to do. He needed input, another pair of eyes to look at the problem, unfortunately as well as from the people he would choose to ask he also had to deal with Kirk as Chris had made him second in command. He knew it was pointless to wish the Christopher was there to give him advice but he knew that Chris was a prisoner; he did not think he was dead. He would know if his friend was dead they did not have a family bond but he felt he would know if he had been killed at least.

His eternal clock twanged and he swiveled around in the chair.

"Lieutenant Uhura? Do you have the information I asked for?"

"Yes sir, all ships are capable of making it to Earth though some lack warp capability, and the journey will take them around a week. I contacted earth and fast shuttles are going to supply those ships with the resources they need to make the journey and to take the children and the injured back to Earth. I estimate eight thousand survivors."

"Eight thousand?"

I'm sorry Spock.

Eight thousand; With those Vulcan's living on the mining and the small temple planets that would be just under ten thousand survivors. Just under ten thousand Vulcan's left in existence. There species, thousands of years of evolution, history and culture now resting on the heads of ten thousand remaining Vulcans with no home planet for them to return to.

"Have all received the message that they are to head to Earth."

"I believe so, the other ships are now transmitting it."

"And they all have the co ordinance?"

"Yes sir."

"Thank you Lieutenant. I need to make a record in the captain's log."

Nyota looked down at the array of buttons in front of her. She hit a few and then pulled a tape out from the small storage draw to her left. She inserted it into a space and turned to him.

"Ready to record captain."

"Acting captain's log, star date 2258/42/ we have had no word from captain pike. I have therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero who has destroyed my home planet and most of it's six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate no more than 10,000 have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species. "

Spock realized how personal that statement was. He had not meant it to be heard by his crew, he had not meant it to be placed on the record tapes. He was just distracted and the thought had entered into his mind. The emotions were becoming overwhelming. He could not block them off any longer, Sulu , Kirk and McCoy were meant to be heading to the bridge ad Spock had his duty to do. But he could not do that duty now. A moment, no longer than a minute of quiet aloneness would help him to carry that duty out. He got up to leave; as he walked he remembered where the botany room was. As he entered the turbo lift he thought that he would spend a few moments amongst the hydropolics, the running water and small growing fruit trees with their hot solar lamps.

Spock?

He glanced up and saw Nyota step into the lift. He did not know how to express himself to her, how to tell her what it was he was feeling, why it was he could not talk to her. He knew she must have heard of his mothers death and he was glad as he did not think he could have told her himself. He glanced down at her, their link which he had been guarding with as much concentration as he processed, which wasn't a lot. He knew that she could tell he was holding a lot back form her. He glanced down at her. There eyes meet for a moment, and then she reached over and paused the lift.

"I'm sorry." She said and Spock had to wonder why Human's said they were sorry for things they had no control over. He watched her eyes fill with tears and felt a moment of anger at her for being able to show the emotions he did not know how to display. For being Human like his mother and more able to understand her and what her life had been. Why she had made illogical decisions lie to become the first Human to bond with a Vulcan and to try to have a son even with the likelihood that she would miscarriage or even die herself. Why had she given up a career and being close to her family and left for an unfamiliar planet where she was considered and outsider. But as these things quickly flicked through his mind he came to realized that he understood the reasons for these things. Nyota had taught him, or at least Nyota had raised that part of him, the human part, his mothers half out of its hiding place. Because all those entirely illogical things his mother did Spock would do for Nyota. He had already risked his career for her.

"I'm sorry."She replied.

Let me in Spock.

Nyota.. the pain.

Let me share it.

Her cool hands cupped his face for an instant before moving to his neck her fingers coming to rest behind his ears. He meet her eyes, he felt so exhausted. He could not hold back from her anymore especially when he felt warm loving tendrils tickling at the back of his mind. His wall collapsed and everything broke through; she would be able to feel everything through their link. He saw the sudden flicker of pain in her eyes. She was so close to him he could feel the tickle of her breath on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry." She said again.

He felt her lips his cheek then against his own, that soft reassuring pressure but he was slow to respond his brain being sluggish. Her body pressed against his. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her head rested against his shoulder. Her finger reached up and stroked the little hairs at the back of his neck, such a familiar gesture, one she made almost everyday. A gesture that seemed all too normal for the circumstances.

Let me in, share the pain with me, let me take some of it.

You do not know what you ask.

Even as he replied to her he could feel her in his mind. It was the strangest of sensations and one he could never name or describe but he could feel some of the pain disappear. Just a small amount, but it crossed a margin. He crossed back over to the point where he could handle the pain. To the point where it no longer overwhelmed him. He did not know what she was doing, he did not know if she were taking t into herself or healing him in the same way he she had done before. He knew he would ponder over it later but for now he was just relieved that his mind was under his own control again. He did not feel better, but just as if the hard edges of his pain had been taken away, he was more able to cope. The link between them was so strong, he was so used to it he hardly ever realized just how strong. It could never have replaced the link that snapped when his mother fell but it was comforting to him. He knew he should not have tried to block these feelings from her.

He bent his head to her shoulder. He clung to her, the savior of his sanity. He felt her sigh against him.

"What do you need? Tell me." She asked pulling away to look up into his eyes.

He did not know how to tell her that she had already given him everything he needed. In those brief moments she had let him find his mother inside him and had returned his sanity to him. His bondmate, she had eased his pain. Now he needed to look after the ship and honor Chris's final (no he could still not think that) Chris's last orders. He had to be a captain. Not a husband, not a friend or a son because he could not play all roles at once, there was not enough energy or concentration to be all tings at once and to hold back the emotions. He was captain of the Enterprise and for now that was his first priority.

He pulled away from Nyota but allowed her to keep her hands to his face so he could have those few more seconds of warmth and love and comfort and devotion.

"Tell me." She asked again.

There was still so much more pain but she had already done more than she should have been able to. It took him a moment to regain his voice, to keep his face neutral; he had been so close to the precipice. He pressed the button to start the lift up again; he had to go back to work, back to the bridge. He had allowed himself a minute and he had taken two. He would simply have to go to anther turbo lift and enter the bridge again.

"I need everyone, to continue performing admirably." He said, but mainly he meant that he need himself to continue performing. Just to continue to move, to continue to breath and to get through the next few hours without an emotional outburst.

She pursed her lips slightly. Took her hands away from his face then touched him again as if nervous she was the one who needed reassurance. She opened her mouth as if to speak but shuts it again and just agev a little nod. He knows that she can feel his pain and know that there was no more she could do to ease it. Spock focused on the unshed tears in her eyes and the weak little smile she gave him.

"okay."

She pressed her lips to him again. The kiss was filled with some kind of longing. As she pulled away he didn't' want to let her go. He wanted to keep hold of her, the only thing he has left.

But he has to, with a forceful push down of his emotions he straightened and as the turbo lift doors open he walks out knowing that to look back would be to give into his emotions. With every step he feels less shaky and more secure. He is going to manage. He still has something, he is going to manage.

I am hoping that this has turned out alright. I had to stop and start so many times I completely lost track of what I was doing. Anyways, internet is actually still broken, I am having to borrow other peoples computers but I hope that I'll be able to get the next half of the chapter up soon.