Calixta led them to a small street café, saying it was one of her favorites. They ordered and were enjoying their drinks when Temari passed by. She shot them a sideways glance but didn't bother them.
"Tch," Gaara scoffed.
"You think she's checking up on us?" Calixta assumed.
"What else would she be doing? It's the reason she was sent with me. Normally, this would have been a solo mission," he explained.
"Ah, I see. How unfortunate for her," Calixta smirked.
"What do you mean, for her?"he nearly snarled.
"She must be terribly bored," she laughed just as she noticed someone else.
"Why are you so concerned about her?" he rolled his eyes.
"Just a moment," she stood.
"Hey, where're you going?" he demanded quietly.
"I'll be right back, I promise," she blew him a kiss.
Gaara grumbled as he watched her approach another young man. Someone he recognized the sight of but whose name he couldn't recall. She returned, as promised, a minute later and watched the young man she was talking to walk off in the same direction as his sister. "What was that all about?"
"That was Shikamaru. I don't much care for him myself but I know he has a slight fancy for your sister. He should keep her entertained, at least for this evening," she mused.
Gaara smirked at her mischief. "I thought you liked everyone," he teased.
She laughed, "Then you were mistaken. Don't get me wrong, we get along well enough. He's lazy, that I can handle, but I don't much care for his attitudes toward women," she explained.
"Men who have attitudes like his are likely intimidated by women," Gaara commented. "I bet he's just scared of being overwhelmed by beauty."
Calixta smiled a little, "I believe that was a compliment."
Gaara gave a noncommittal shrug.
"You know, I don't generally like getting compliments," she commented.
"Then it wasn't a compliment," he replied evenly.
"Actually…I was just thinking…it doesn't sound so bad coming from you," she mused.
"Oh? And why's that?" he curiously pressed.
"Because usually, I'm paid compliments because the person paying them is smitten by some…" she searched for the right word, something not too demeaning but that would convey her distaste.
"Physical trait," he finished for her.
She nodded. Not the term she would have chosen, but it was fitting. "Or morbid curiosity."
"And you think I'm different?" he scoffed.
"I know you are," she corrected.
"And what makes you so sure?" he coyly prompted.
"Oh? I'm surprised you ask. It seems unlike you to fish for compliments," she teased.
"I'm not fishing," he sneered. "I really want to know."
She leveled an even gaze at him. "You don't care if I'm pretty," she told him almost accusingly.
Gaara scoffed again. "Yeah, I do," he corrected haughtily.
She gave him an impish grin. "Oh? And why is that?"
He smirked and looked out at the crowd of passersby. "I like the jealous and incredulous stares we get when we're together," he admitted.
Calixta grinned and moved her chair and place setting closer. "Actually…I find I rather like that as well, but that's just as much because of you than it is because of me."
"Tch, the incredulity part maybe," he laughed.
"Well, if you hadn't killed so many of their people and destroyed so much of their village, they might be able to see how handsome you are," she chided.
Gaara tensed at the reminder of his rampage.
"Besides, I get almost as much incredulity as you do. You think everyone here likes me and trusts me. In that, you're wrong. The people you've met and talked to, at least as far as I know, are the ones I've spent the most time with, the one's I've gotten to know and who have gotten to know me. There are still many people here who distrust me greatly, who avert their eyes when they notice me walking down the street," she told him. "The lucky ones still don't know what I am…at least I can hide it now," she sadly mused.
"But you never killed anybody," he told her, almost boastingly.
At that, she broke eye contact. "Not with my own hands, no," she reluctantly agreed.
He felt her pang of sadness and regret and, for some reason, he felt provoked by it. "Is there any other way?" he asked dryly.
"A person can be responsible for the death of another without…" she trailed off. Then, because she was choking up a bit, she took a few sips from her wine glass.
That caused Gaara pause. He had known no other way of ending the life of another. Either one did it oneself or they paid another to do it. "I see…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" he stopped himself because he wasn't sure how to describe what he had done. "It's supposed to be a happy occasion, let's drop it," he suggested.
"No, please, don't apologize. I'm the one who started it," she guiltily dismissed.
He quirked an eyebrow, "Why did you?"
She gave him a shy, sideways glance, "Because it's the only part of ourselves that we haven't shared."
"What about last night?"
"You were drunk. It doesn't count. We only scratched the surface, anyway," she dismissed and took another drink.
"You keep that up and you'll be the one who's drunk," he commented.
"Maybe I should slow down then," she set down her glass, "I know you don't like that."
Gaara shrugged. "Do what you like. It is your birthday," he reminded.
She smiled and picked up her glass again, "So it is." She tipped it to him before taking another sip and setting back down to finish her meal.
"So…you really do feel like an outcast still," he broached again, "Even though the people here accept you?"
She nodded. "I wonder what it would be like to go somewhere else now, some place where people don't know about what I am," she mused wistfully.
"What are you, exactly?" he pressed carefully. He didn't want to offend her but she gave him the opening to ask and he wasn't going to let it slip by.
"That's a good question. I've been called a lot of things…but those don't really matter anymore. I'm…I'm like an emotional leech," she admitted.
"A leech?" he scoffed.
"Yeah. I need other people, their emotions and the energy that comes with it," she explained. "That's why I have so many lovers. I don't want to rely on one person. If I did that and they knew, which would happen sooner or later…they'd feel obliged to engage with me and that's the worst feeling of all as far as I'm concerned. It's even worse than dealing with other people's hate."
"What happens if you don't?" he curiously continued.
"What happens to a plant if it doesn't get enough sunshine?" she answered with a question and then sighed. "It may not die, but it might as well."
"I didn't realize…" he quietly replied.
She gave him an odd look as he considered the implications. "Now you think I use people," she regretfully told him.
"In a way, you do," he managed.
"I suppose that's true. I like to think that I give my partners back as much as they give me but they don't need it like I do," she admitted.
That made Gaara give her a slightly perplexed look but not because he didn't understand what she meant. He understood perfectly well what she was saying. Rather, it was because he felt like he needed her affection at least as much as she needed his, which made him realize that he might be falling for her as well.
As he thought, the waiter with the dessert cart came by and she grabbed a piece of cheesecake for each of them. He hardly noticed the new plate sitting in front of him until she spoke.
The look made her smile. "That's a cute expression. What's it for?" She could feel the dawning of realization within him and wanted to know what it was.
Gaara appeared slightly startled and wondered how much of his thoughts she had gleaned from his emotions. To stall, he looked down at his plate. "I don't like strawberry," he stated.
"Then here," she switched their plates, "How's chocolate?"
"Better," he conceded. "I…" he began but didn't know how to finish.
She studied him for a moment before letting him off the hook by kissing him. "Forget I asked," she winked and dug into her dessert.
That really made him wonder if she knew what he was thinking. He knew she wasn't a mind reader but as far as he was concerned, she was damn close, especially with as close as they had become. "I might be falling for you too," he admitted, almost bitterly.
She smiled wide at the admission as tears started to brim in her eyes. Knowing no words would be right, she left it at that and they finished their dessert in peace.
After their meal, which he still felt a little bad that she paid for, they walked around for a few hours before retiring for the evening. They walked arm in arm, this time not simply because they enjoyed being close. This time, it was because she was rather tipsy after her third glass of wine.
They were on their way back to her house when Temari approached them.
"Goo-" was as far as Calixta got in greeting the blonde sand ninja before she was interrupted.
"You have some nerve sending that guy after me like that!" she accused.
"Hm?" Calixta blinked dizzily through the darkness.
"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about! You sent that chauvinist after me!" she continued to accuse.
Calixta laughed so hard she almost fell down. If not for Gaara, she probably would have. "Oh, you mean Shikamaru," she giggled. "Yeah, he needs an attitude adjustment, doesn't he?"
"If you ever do something like that again-" Temari started to threaten but she was interrupted. To her surprise, it wasn't Gaara coming to her defense either.
"You'll do what? Tch," Calixta scoffed, "I just told him you were in town 'cause I know he likes you. I thought a tough chick like you could straighten him out some. Besides, you deserve a little shit for that nasty look you gave me earlier. Never mind, not even you can ruin this day," she laughed again. "Come on," she turned to Gaara. "She's giving me really bad vibes."
Gaara just smirked and led his drunk girlfriend away, laughing inside at how readily she told off his sister.
As they walked up the porch steps, Calixta reached for the doorknob but something caught Gaara's attention. There was a string hanging in front of the door with a little note attached.
"What's this?" he incredulously questioned.
"Hm?" she giggled.
"It says 'pull'," he informed.
"So pull it," she urged.
"Are you sure?" he questioned carefully. His instincts told him it was probably a trap.
Calixta took a moment to look at the note. "Yeah, that's Kakashi's handwriting. Go 'head and pull it," she told him hopefully.
With a shrug, he complied. When he did, a flock of cranes, also on strings, fell. They were hanging along the west side of her porch roof and formed a character, a single word, suspended in air.
"Understanding?" Gaara read.
Calixta smiled wide, tears brimming in her eyes and she glomped Gaara, knocking him to the floor. He made a small sound of surprise, which was quickly quelled by her kissing him. She had them undressed in a matter of moments.
"Sh-Shouldn't we go inside? I mean…we're right here," he tried to reason.
"Oh, don't make me wait another second. You're going to make love to me and you're going to do it right here, right now," she informed. "I don't care if the whole world sees! In fact, I want them to see!"
Her tone left no room for argument even if Gaara was inclined to argue and before he knew it, their bodies and emotions were one. There was a fleeting moment, right at the start, that he worried their cries of ecstasy would draw the attention of others who might be inclined to interfere, but that was quickly pushed out of his mind when she slid down his shaft and they both moaned deeply.
Once they got going, Gaara found there was a certain thrill to coupling out in the open. Sure, the last time he was in their village, they did it while Naruto was in the room, but he wasn't there for the thrill of it. He was there to make sure Calixta didn't get hurt any more than she already was; he was a chaperone. This was completely different. Any passerby could see and hear what they were doing through the stillness of night lit only by the half moon.
He wondered about the night before, when he tried to seduce her on the edge of the forest. Things were so different now that it almost seemed like ages ago. He had opened up to this woman in ways he never thought possible and here they were. He knew they weren't in love but there was the spark of love between them and it was growing. The feeling itself almost overwhelmed him to the point where he felt as though he might be the one that was drunk.
It took a little while, because she was enjoying their chakra exchange so much, but Calixta did eventually notice the dazed look on Gaara's face, "What is it? Is there something wrong?" she asked, though she could sense nothing wrong from him.
Her voice pulled him from his stupor and made him take action. He rolled them over so he could be on top, "Everything's perfect," he growled into her ear, reveling in the intense tremor that reverberated through her body.
To Gaara's surprise, either no one noticed or they were smart enough to avoid them. Either way, they were allowed to lay in peace and enjoy their post-coital euphoria until she fell asleep beneath him a few minutes later. With an affectionate chuckle, he scooped her up, gathered their clothes, and went inside where he put her to bed and redressed.
Calixta awoke the following morning to the sound of someone banging around in her kitchen. Curious, she slipped on her robe and went to go see. She wasn't surprised that it was Gaara causing the commotion; she was surprised that he appeared to be making something.
She walked up behind him, slipped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder, "What's cookin', good lookin'?"
"Eggs and toast, the only thingI know how to make," he replied simply.
"My favorite," she giggled as she slipped away to start a pot of coffee, "so don't bother learning any new recipes."
They ate their breakfast in comfortable silence, playfully exchanging chakra until there was a knock on the door. She could tell he didn't want her to answer, but she was more polite than that and answered it anyway.
"Good mo-" was as far as she got before she was once again interrupted by Temari.
"Where's Gaara?" she curtly demanded.
Calixta rolled her eyes, "Please, come in," she dryly invited.
Temari barged past her. "That reply's ready. Let's go," she informed.
Gaara didn't even look at her, "You go get it," he ordered.
"I already tried. They won't let me, said the person who delivered the message has to pick up the reply," she replied.
"Let me finish my breakfast," he told her as Calixta sat back down at the table.
Temari examined their meager spread. "Since when do you drink coffee?"
"Since now," he shrugged. "What do you care?"
"That shit's bad for you, stunts your growth, gives you the jitters," she weakly complained.
"If you're going to badger my guest, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside," Calixta warned.
Gaara didn't say anything so Temari took a seat on Calixta's couch and waited for them to finish. When they were done, she stood. "Okay, you're done. Let's go," she started to the door but to her dismay, Gaara didn't follow. Instead, he helped Calixta clear the table.
"Dishes first," he curtly informed.
"You never do the dishes," she scoffed, knowing that he was stalling.
"I've never cooked for anyone either," he answered because he knew it would annoy her further.
"You cooked?" she almost laughed.
"And it was very good," Calixta informed haughtily.
Temari grumbled but didn't offer further argument. Once the dishes were washed and dried, Gaara was ready to go.
"Finally! Let's go!" Temari impatiently prompted when the couple paused just outside the door.
"Let me say good bye," Calixta requested.
"What for? You two spent the last couple days together," she scoffed.
Calixta seethed for a moment, "Now look here, I've been very polite to you in spite of the fact that you have only tolerated me. I just want to say good bye, something that will only take a moment," she lectured.
Temari grumbled and rolled her eyes with impatience. "Fine, make it quick," she turned her back to them when she reached the bottom of the porch steps.
"Thank you," Calixta sarcastically told the blonde before turning back to the young man standing next to her. "And thank you. I had a wonderful time and on won't take this," she lifted the necklace for emphasis, "off until I see you again. That's a promise," she vowed.
Gaara smiled because he knew his sister wasn't paying attention. "Take care of yourself," he told her and then kissed her. To his surprise, it was more than just a kiss. She moved from his lips to the side of his neck where she gave him a hickey. Once satisfied with the little bruise, she gave a little kiss and withdrew.
"What…?" he brought his hand up to feel for whatever she'd done but felt nothing because the damage was beneath the skin.
"Just a little something to remember me by," she winked. "Well," she sighed, "you'd better go. I hope to see you again and soon…and without pretense," she smirked.
"You can't get rid of me now," he gave her an evil little grin and walked away.
She started to take down the flock of cranes as they reached the end of the walk because she knew if she watched him leave, she would cry and she didn't want him to have to bear that.
As they walked, Temari examined her brother and noticed the little bruise on his neck. "What's that?" she poked at it. Normally, she wouldn't have done such a thing but he seemed so docile that she couldn't help herself.
"Don't touch me!" he griped, slapping her hand away but the damage was already done.
"You're not wearing your sand armor!" she accused because she could feel the difference in his skin.
"Is there a need for it here?" Gaara defended.
"It's 'cause of her, isn't it? You let your guard down for her!" Temari raised her voice out of shock.
"Drop it or I'll fill your lungs with sand," he threatened seriously.
She wouldn't have believed him except she could see particles of sand starting to float in the air around her so she didn't say another word about it. Once they were out of the Leaf Village, Gaara's sand armor was in place and the hickey was hidden.
They were half way home before Temari gathered the courage to speak to him. "Gaara?" she carefully began.
"What is it this time?" he grumbled.
She wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to say or how to say it and ended up stammering for a moment.
"Do you actually want something or are you just saying my name to annoy me?" he snapped harshly.
"I just…It's just that-oh, I don't know. I just want to know about you and that girl. What's the deal with you two?" she barely managed.
"What do you care?" he turned away with a sneer.
"I'm your sister," she replied quietly. "You don't let me do any of the normal sister stuff…and you've always been so independent. I trust your judgment. I just want to know, that's all."
"You're worried about me," he laughed incredulously.
"I didn't say that," she defensively replied.
"Do you really want to know what's going on between us? Or are you just asking because you know Baki is going to ask and he's too scared to ask me so he'll pressure you into telling him?" he interrogated.
"I-I wanna know," she managed.
Gaara eyed her critically, momentarily wishing he could read others as well as he could read Calixta but then dismissing it because he knew the level of intimacy it would require and he wasn't up for that. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to breathe a single word of it to anybody, not Baki, not Kankuro, nobody, got it?" he bargained.
Surprised that he was even considering telling her, Temari agreed with a dumbfounded nod. "Yeah, okay. I can keep a secret."
At that, Gaara stopped moving. For some reason, he felt the need to stand still while continuing this discussion; it seemed to add to the gravity of his words, whatever those words might be. It took him quite a while to decide exactly what he wanted to say to her. Luckily, she seemed willing to wait. "We're lovers," he finally replied, his tone serious but still slightly bragging.
Temari cocked an eyebrow. "What does that mean?" she carefully pressed.
"What do you think it means?" he asked seriously.
His seriousness again took her off guard. "Does it mean you love her?" she asked carefully.
Gaara laughed again but this time there wasn't a trace of incredulity. "No, I don't love her," he half-lied.
"Then what?"
"We're connected," he replied simply. "There's no fear or hate between us."
Sensing that was about all she was going to get out of him, Temari let it go. "Come on, let's get home."
Gaara nodded and they were once again on their way.
Temari was disappointed that Gaara was right. Baki confronted her almost immediately after she and Gaara parted ways to pry every little detail out of her that he could. It was difficult, but she managed to keep her promise to Gaara, if only out of fear. She only gave him the few facts that she had gathered during their mission.
"What you do think about them?" Baki finally asked.
"What do I think?" she repeated incredulously.
"Yeah, that's what I asked," he confirmed, obviously displeased by her evasiveness.
"I…I dunno. They seem good enough together. I mean, he doesn't lash out at her or anything, if that's what you mean," she managed.
"Do you think he really likes her? Or do you think he's just using her to heal him?" he pressed.
"I can't say if he likes her or not…but I don't think he's just using her," she replied carefully.
Baki nodded. "Okay. Thank you. If you see him again before I do, let him know I'd like to talk to him," he ordered and then let her go.
As she exited, Temari breathed a sigh of relief at having been able to keep her promise. Her relief only lasted a moment because she was practically ambushed by Gaara.
"Temari," he said quietly from around the corner as she exited their sensei's office.
She practically jumped out of her skin. "Ah-G-Gaara…Baki-sensei wants to talk to you…when you get a minute," she managed.
"Of course he does," Gaara hissed.
"I-I didn't tell him," she told him quickly.
He eyed his sister wearily. "Good," was all he said before going into the office himself.
"Oh, Gaara, good. I was hoping Temari would run into you. I assume your mission went well, no complications?" Baki carefully began.
"No complications," he confirmed.
"Did you get to spend sometime with that Calixta girl while you were there?" he asked knowingly.
"She managed to…keep me entertained while I was waiting for the reply," he half smirked.
Baki gave an exasperated sigh and then let himself laugh a little.
"What's so funny?" Gaara snapped.
"I didn't expect you to take to her, that's all. After what happened when Temari and Kankuro brought her here and all." When he saw the humor was lost on his student, he let it go. "Never mind, it's not important. I'm happy to hear your mission went well. You've spent more time with her than anyone else. What do you make of her?"
Gaara eyed his sensei warily. What was he supposed to say? That she was the most amazingly accepting person he'd even known? That he had all but fallen in love with her after only seeing her three times? More than anything, he was annoyed that he had misjudged his sensei. He didn't think the man would have the guts to ask. "What's that supposed to mean?" he finally said.
"I'm just curious. She's an unusual person and, from what little I've seen, she seems to have taken a special liking to you."
"And that makes her unusual?" Gaara rudely surmised even though he knew that wasn't what the man meant.
"Not precisely," Baki managed.
"But that's part of it. You don't think anyone could really like me," Gaara accused.
"Now, Gaara, I never said anything of the sort. Kakashi gave me the impression that because of her abilities, she can like just about anybody. I was simply wondering if you…had similar feelings toward her."
"You think she's manipulating me," Gaara continued to accuse.
"I didn't say that either," Baki sternly replied.
"You didn't have to," he turned his back.
"Look, Gaara, I'm not trying to make any sort of accusations. I was simply inquiring about your relationship with this girl. Are you actually fond of her or are you using her because she heals you? Since the dark circles around your eyes are practically gone, I can assume you at least took advantage of her healing while you were there. Is that all she is to you or is there something more?"
"I'm not using her. She offers herself to me," he replied bitterly.
"That doesn't really answer my question. How do you feel about her?" Baki pressed, knowing he could only get away with such a direct question because he was the young man's sensei.
"I like her well enough," he shrugged.
Baki nodded but it went unnoticed. "Very well." With that, he let his student leave. He wanted to offer a friendly ear for the young man to confide in but after how defensive Gaara had been, he thought better of it.
He could tell his students were keeping something from him but because of his experience, he could also tell it was for the sake of Gaara's privacy. It gave him a lot to think about and he wondered whether or not he should encourage Gaara in his psudo-romantic pursuit or to continue taking his defensive stance toward them.
For about a week after Gaara left, Calixta kept to herself. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered anyone, except she was Calixta and those who were close to her began to worry that she might be shutting herself up. Knowing all too well that would be bad for her, her friends tried to get her out.
Ebisu was the first to try one afternoon with a friendly knock on her front door. "Good afternoon, Calixta-chan!" he greeted with a friendly smile when she answered the door.
She gave him a gentle smile. "Good afternoon. To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked as she let him in.
"Oh, I was just thinking, we haven't gone out in a while. Maybe we could have dinner?" he tried.
"Maybe another time. I don't really feel like going out," she poured him a cup of tea so he wouldn't think she was completely shutting him down.
"Oh, okay. If you change your mind, you know where to find me, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Thank you," she smiled again.
They conversed for a while but she could tell there was something on his mind that he wasn't telling her.
"What's up? You look like something's on your mind," she tried.
"I was just wondering…what's with you and that Gaara kid? Are you really lovers?" he finally asked.
Her smile widened for a moment before she replied. "Yeah, we are. That really bothers you, doesn't it?"
Ebisu shifted uncomfortably. "Well, yeah, it kinda does," he admitted.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked carefully.
"That night we went out when he was here, you said you didn't want to talk about it," he reminded.
"Well, that was different. I had just explained myself to a lot of other people and I was tired of it. If it's something that really bothers you, we should hash it out," she told him seriously. "So, what's the matter? Is it because he demolished a fair portion of the village and tried to kill a bunch of people?" she asked teasingly.
Ebisu glared at her. "That's got a lot to do with it," he grumbled. "I wouldn't take that tone about it either, if I were you. A lot of people are still pretty shook up about it."
"Of course, I shouldn't be so insensitive but the Gaara I know isn't like that. So I can only assume he's changed since then," she reasoned.
Ebisu scoffed at that.
"What? Don't you think people can change?" she prompted.
"I'm not entirely convinced he is a person," he retorted.
"When you say things like that, I'm not sure you're a person," she snapped.
Sensing her displeasure with him, because she wasn't trying to hide it even a little, he backed of a little, "I'm sorry. It's just…you weren't here when it happened. That kid's crazy and you don't get over being crazy that quickly," he tried.
"Oh, I know he's still mentally unstable but I don't think he'll do anything like that again," she replied.
"You can't say something like that for certain," he grumbled.
"No, you can't," she reluctantly agreed. "Is that you're real issue? You're concerned for my safety?" she asked carefully. She didn't want to mock his concern if it was genuine because she knew how much it would hurt him.
"What else is there?" he shrugged.
She probed him with her chakra for a moment to find that he was being honest. His primary concern was her safety, even if he was a little jealous. "Just making sure…and I can assure you that there have been fewer places I've felt safer than in his arms," she told him confidently."
Ebisu frowned at that, his jealousy growing slightly. "I find that hard to believe. I think he's deceiving you."
"He can't deceive me like that," she curtly reminded.
"Then you're judgments off," he told her seriously, "probably because he's unstable."
"My judgment's fine," she assured him with a slight glare.
Ebisu gave a sigh of exasperation. "What do you even see in that kid anyway? He's so creepy!"
Calixta rolled her eyes. "Obviously, I see something that very few others have. It's buried very deep, but it's there."
"What is it, exactly, though?" he pressed, thinking he had the upper hand.
"He's got a kind heart and if it's my safety you're really concerned about, you don't have to worry. He wouldn't hurt me," she told him.
"A kind heart?" he scoffed, even laughed at her. "And you don't know that! He could snap at any time and when that happens, it won't matter if you're friends or lovers or anything. He'll kill you just like anybody else," he warned.
Calixta closed her eyes and took a deep breath to center herself. "You don't understand…no, it's more than that. You don't want to understand."
"What's there to understand? You're entertaining a psychopath and you don't think there's anything wrong with that," he snapped harshly.
"Ebisu, I know you care for me a great deal so I'm trying not to take offense at what you're saying but I think at this point, it'd be best if you left," she told him evenly.
"You really like this kid, don't you?"
"He has a name!" she raised her voice unintentionally.
"Fine, I'll go. I'm sorry to have bothered you." He stood and started to leave. "But if you want to go out, my offer still stands," he weakly reminded as he walked out.
Calixta had hoped that others would not hold such a negative view toward her relationship with Gaara. For the most part, her hopes were fulfilled. A few of her friends and lovers, though, felt the need to distance themselves from her because of it. It made her a little sad but she tried to be understanding, however trying that might be.
Upon hearing of Ebisu's rejection, Kakashi went to check on her. It had been his idea that the older man try to take her out because he knew what a negative effect seclusion would have on her.
"Ah, Kakashi-sensei! Please, come in," she gave a friendly motion.
Her perkiness took him off guard. For as long as she'd kept to herself, he expected her to be much more sullen.
"Is there something I can do for you?" she asked hopefully.
"I just came to check on you. You haven't been out in a while," he began.
She gave him a gentle smile that he knew meant she was placating him. "And you were worried about me. That's very sweet but I'm fine really," she assured.
"Are you sure? How long as it been since you've been with someone?" he asked, not feeling as forward as he normally would because of who he was talking with.
"I haven't been with someone since Gaara left," she replied.
Kakashi eyed her critically. He didn't trust her solitude but everything else told him she was doing well. "How come?"
"I haven't felt inclined to," she answered simply.
"And why's that?" he pressed.
She gave him an amused look and then shrugged. "Please, don't worry so much. I'll find someone before it becomes an issue. Besides, you're the one who's always trying to get me to test my limits," she chided.
"Okay. I'll take your word for it. If you need anything though, you know you can always come to me, right?" he offered genuinely, which earned him an endeared kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you. It's nice to know you'll be there for me if I need you," she smiled and this time it was a genuine smile. "And unlike Guy, I don't mind if you wake me in the middle of the night."
He left a short while later but only felt slightly better about the situation.
A couple days later, while she was at the market, she and Satu were approached by Akamaru, shortly followed by Kiba. Since she adopted her own puppy, Akamaru had stopped jumping on her. Instead, he preferred to play with Satu, which was perfectly fine with both Calixta and Kiba.
"Good afternoon, Kiba-san!" she greeted merrily.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Oh, you know, just grocery shopping. Not the most fun but it has to be done," she laughed.
He offered to help her carry her things and she reluctantly allowed him because their conversation was so pleasant and they chatted for a while as she shopped and their dogs played.
"That's a pretty necklace," he commented.
"Oh, thanks. It was a birthday present," she held it up to look at it, admiring the way the little red stone caught the light.
"From who?" he asked curiously. With a charm that said 'love', he knew it has to be someone special.
She blushed a little. "Gaara gave it to me," she admitted bashfully.
Kiba cocked a strange look. "Gaara of the desert?" he verified.
"Do you know another Gaara?" she laughed a little.
"No, I guess not. I'm just surprised, that's all. He doesn't really seem like the gift giving type of person," he reasoned.
"I can't say for sure, but I think it might be the first gift he's given, at least in a long time," she told him seriously.
"Then he must really like you," he mused.
She blushed a little. "I suppose."
"You like him to, huh?" he teased.
"Aren't you nosey!" she jabbed him playfully.
Kiba shrugged. "So you've got a crush, no big deal. You're not the first person to have a crush."
She found that a little odd coming from him, since she knew he had a crush on her, but apparently he felt comfortable giving her a hard time about it. "I never said it was a crush!" she playfully retorted. "Don't put words in my mouth."
Kiba snickered. "You didn't have to say it. I saw the way you looked at that necklace."
She shook her head in exasperation. "Okay, that's the last of my shopping. You wanna carry my stuff home? I'll make you a snack?" she offered.
Naturally, he agreed. He had been expecting such an offer. What he didn't expect was the conversation she started as they started eating.
"So, if you know so much about crushes, what do you do about it?" she asked playfully.
"You're asking me?" he blushed.
"Well, you've had a crush before, right?" she asked knowingly.
"Well, yeah, I guess," he managed.
"So? What do you do about it?" she pressed.
"I-I dunno. Sometimes you go for it, sometimes you don't," he replied.
"How do you know?" she continued.
"Is this about Gaara?" he suddenly asked.
"You're the one who said I had a crush on him," she reminded.
"Well, yeah, but…correct me if I'm wrong but you guys already went for it, didn't you?"
She cocked an odd look. "Define 'went for it'," she requested seriously.
That caused him pause. "I guess that doesn't mean the same thing for you, does it," he laughed
"Oh, you mean sex, don't you?" she laughed with him. "Does that mean you and I went for it?" she teased.
His brow furrowed. "I don't think so. I mean, it's not like it wasn't good times, right?" he covered.
She laughed a little at his awkwardness. "It was wasn't it?" she winked. "But seriously," she almost pleaded.
"I can't believe you're asking me about this," he nearly awed. "You're like the queen of relationships and you don't know what to do with a crush?"
"I appreciate the praise but it's hardly the truth," she dismissed.
"But seriously? I don't think I can tell you what you're asking." When he saw how disappointed she was, he continued, "I'm sorry. It's just that I don't have a lot of experience with that kind of thing. All I know is you have a crush, if it sticks around, you go on dates and if that works out, I guess there's romance or something," he clumsily reasoned, which earned him an endeared smile.
"I appreciate you humoring me," she replied seriously. They chatted a little longer while finishing their snacks and after she cleared the table, she sat down next to him, placing a careful hand on his thigh. "So, you wanna have some more good times?" she mischievously proposed.
Kiba hesitated. He really wanted to and when she came onto him like that, he was very difficult to refuse her but the little charm around her neck caught his eye. "Maybe another time. I gotta get home. My mom's probably wondering what happened to us," he laughed nervously.
She gave him a perplexed look. "Oh, okay. Thanks for your help," she managed as she showed him to the door.
He could sense her disappointment but tried to push it out of his mind as he walked out.
In the meantime, Calixta and Gaara continued to keep in touch , exchanging little notes with heartfelt words they knew no one else would understand. This continued until the following spring. This time, when the empty milk jugs returned, they didn't care with them a note from Gaara, but rather one from his sensei. This both perplexed and excited her and she took it to the one person she knew she could confide in.
"What's this?" Kakashi asked when she handed him the paper one afternoon over tea.
"Baki-sensei sent it," she replied.
That didn't answer his question, so Kakashi unfolded it to find it was a flier for the annual Monsoon Festival held by the Sand Village. It contained no personal information, just the dates and times of the events to be held. "You say Baki sent you this, not Gaara?" he verified.
"That's what the envelope said," she confirmed.
"Well, it seems he's changed his mind about you. Are you planning to accept?" he asked curiously.
"Accept?" she repeated curiously.
"This is obviously his way of inviting you to the festival. I don't know if you realize but the Sand Village rarely has idle visitors. Their resources are precious and rationed even among those who live there. The monsoon season is the only time they show any sort of excess," he explained.
"Then it would be rude of me to decline such an invitation," she surmised.
"I didn't say that. I just wanted you to know that he wouldn't send this flier unless he seriously wanted you to come."
At that, Calixta frowned.
"What's the matter? I thought you'd be excited about something like this."
"Oh, I am, really. I just wish it was Gaara who'd sent it, that's all."
"Perhaps, Baki meant it as a surprise for Gaara," he suggested.
That didn't ease her frown. "I'm not sure he likes surprises."
"I'm sure he doesn't but if it's you, I bet he'd make an exception," he hopefully replied.
She still appeared unsure but tried to shake it off. "I shouldn't think this way. He'll know something's wrong."
"He'll know?" Kakashi incredulously questioned.
Calixta gave him a guilty look. "I know I shouldn't keep things from you. You're the only person I've been able to confide in without having to worry about being judged…well morally judged. When you do make judgments, I respect them."
That made Kakashi uneasy. "What have you been keeping from me?"
"I'm not really sure how it happened or even why but…Gaara and I, we've gotten very close. The last time we were together…it was like our souls touched. It's almost like we've become intertwined."
"That string you spoke about last time, the one he's still holding onto. Now you're both tangled up in it," Kakashi half-joked.
That made her laugh. "I suppose so." Then, she turned serious again. "Kakashi-sensei, what do you think of my relationship with Gaara?"
"Well, it's hard to say since you've apparently been keeping me in the dark about it," he teased.
"I-I'm really sorry about that. Oh, damn it. I didn't mean to apologize, it's just-ugh, I don't know. It's difficult to explain. I'm not sure I understand it myself," she babbled.
"Hey, it's okay. Settle down. You don't want him to think there's something wrong, do you?" he teasingly chided. "Maybe I can help you understand if you tell me about it," he offered.
"Oh, thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you," she gushed. "But…seriously…I've never felt this way about another person before. It's so strange."
"Felt what way?" he pressed curiously.
"I don't know! I've never felt this way before!" she fretted before calming her self a little with a few sips of tea. "Have you ever…been in love?"
Kakashi's eyes grew wide and he nearly spit out his tea. "Are you saying you love Gaara?"
"I don't know," she weakly admitted.
"There have been a few people I thought I was in love with but it never worked out," he admitted regretfully.
"Then how do you know?"
"I'm not sure I can explain it," he managed.
"Oh…I was afraid you'd say that," she grumbled, remembering her conversation with Kiba.
"I'm surprised you don't know," he mused.
"Why's that?"
"Well, considering you know more about emotions than anyone else I've ever known, I just thought you'd know if you were in love."
"I know what it feels like to be the object of someone else's love…and how crushing it is when that feeling's not returned," she told him sadly.
"Well, let's start with that then. Does he love you?" he asked curiously.
Her lips curved into a nostalgic little smile. "No…well, to just say no isn't right. He's close and it makes him really nervous," she replied honestly.
"That's a good start," he commended but wasn't sure where to go from there.
"I-I have an idea," she shyly began.
"What's that?"
"I want to show you how I feel about Gaara and then you can tell me what it is, if you can tell that is," she managed.
Kakashi was pensive for a moment. "I'm not sure Gaara would appreciate you sharing your feelings like that," he tried to argue.
"Probably not…but I have to know. Please, do this one thing for me. I won't ask you for anything else ever again," she pleaded.
"I highly doubt that," he laughed. "But okay, if that's what you really want. I'll do it but under one condition."
With Kakashi there was always a catch, she was used to that by now. "What is it?" she asked anxiously.
"You have to take someone else with you if you go to the Monsoon Festival and I get to pick who it is," he stated firmly.
She thought it over for a moment. "Yeah, okay, sure," she hastily agreed.
Kakashi gave a solemn nod. "What do we do then?" He barely hid the nervousness from his voice but she could sense it anyway.
"This really makes you uncomfortable," she commented quietly. "Maybe we shouldn't. I've imposed enough on you as it is."
The grey-haired man gave a thoughtful sigh. "If it's what you really want, I don't want to deny you. I can tell this is really important to you. Please, do what you have to. I want to help."
She almost cried at his willingness to go through with it in spite of his obvious discomfort. "Okay. We should both meditate for a short time before I try to share my feelings with you. That way, we won't be clouded by other things."
So, they sat in near silence, save the sound of their breathing, for almost a half an hour before she moved over to him.
"Please, tell me to stop if it gets too strange," she offered, placing her hands on his chest. At first, she was going to take his hands but the feelings she had for Gaara seemed to emanate from her chest and sometimes her stomach.
It took only a few second before Kakashi felt a strange warmth start to well up within him. He tried to keep his eyes open so he could watch Calixta but when her eyes closed, it was difficult to keep his open. Knowing better than to fight it, because it might cause some sort of disturbance, he let his eyes slide shut. Before long, his heart started to race, his mind got a little fuzzy, and he felt a strange fluttering throughout his entire being.
She felt him almost pull away a few minutes later but decided to stop him, "Not just yet…I've almost got it," she pleaded.
Kakashi took a deep breath to steady himself and leaned forward to rest his hands on her thighs as a show of his compliance. After the feeling intensified by a factor of at least three, it leveled out.
"There," she said quietly, "What is that?"
He paused for a few long moments to analyze how or rather what he was feeling. It was a strange mixture of feelings that he couldn't quite put his finger on. "Why is there so much sadness?"
She hesitated before answering. "Because this is how I feel when he's far away. If you want to keep going, I can try to recall how I feel when we're together," she offered hopefully.
He could barely hear her because of how loudly his heartbeat was thumping in his hears. It took him almost a full minute to answer and even then it was only a vague nod.
"I want to see your expression. Please, take your mask off," she requested but when his hand started to move toward his face, she hastily added, "But don't you dare uncover your sharingan."
"Why not?" He had actually been expecting her to want him to utilize it some how.
"Just don't. I don't know what it'll do and this is hard enough to control already."
"You don't think I could help you with that?" he proposed curiously.
"The level of difficulty is part of the issue," she insisted.
He could tell that if he even touched his makeshift eye patch, she would immediately cease her efforts so he closed his eyes again as he pulled his scarf down until it was bunched up around his neck.
"Thank you," she nodded, which he felt instead of heard.
Instead of placing that hand back on her thigh, he laid it on the hand on his chest that sat closer to his heart. It was as much out of a desire for further physical contact as it was a defense mechanism.
As their breathing settled into a rhythm, Calixta tried to recall the night before Gaara left. The time they spent on her porch was the closest she ever felt to anyone. Sure, empathy brought her closer to others but there was always a subconscious wall of resistance between her and those she had charmed. Even those who wanted her to do such a thing always put up walls, if only to test her. Gaara wasn't exactly an exception to that trend…except for that night. He wasn't completely unguarded but she could tell that was the least guarded he had been in a very long time.
When they made similarly heated sounds a few minutes later, Kakashi instinctively gripped her hand a little harder. "This is how he makes you feel?" he questioned with disbelief.
"I'm not done yet," she told him carefully, "But no, not all the time. I want to show you every degree."
Kakashi tried to center himself again but was finding it increasingly difficult to do so with the way her chakra was pressing in around him as his welled up inside him.
She remembered all the expressions he showed her and no one else, how comfortable it felt to fall asleep in his arms, and the first time he kissed her with all the passion he could muster.
There were moments, split seconds, when he thought she would overwhelm him, causing occasional flashes of panic that were quickly becoming less frequent because he knew that wasn't her aim. Once the flashes were gone, a great warmth overtook him and, without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.
"Ah-" she gasped, "Kakashi-sensei," she gently pushed him away.
Her voice brought him out of his stupor and he backed off. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing," he admitted.
"It's okay, really," she caught her breath. "I might have gone a bit overboard trying to get my point across. What do you think?"
Kakashi took a few sips of tea before answering. "I'm not sure if that was love but I don't know what else I'd call it either. It was really disorienting, sort of a jumble to be honest," he sighed.
"That's because I wanted to convey so much at once. I hope it wasn't too bad," she blushed.
"If it was too bad, I doubt I would have kissed you like that," he laughed.
"I should have been expecting it," she muttered.
"Oh? Why's that?" he prompted curiously.
She blushed a little, "Because I was thinking about kissing at the time," she admitted.
Kakashi grew thoughtful for a moment, "If that's how you feel when you're kissing Gaara, I have to say you're in love," he told her seriously.
"Really?" she asked hopefully.
"Those feelings I got at first, the less intense feelings," he began.
"What about them?"
"Is that how you normally feel?"
She quirked an odd look. "Normally?" she laughed a silly little laugh, "I'm still venturing in to normalcy. But they are persistent, consistent," she managed.
"Frequent?" he pressed.
"Yes, that too. More so recently, of course," she replied. "What are you getting at?"
He gave her a pensive, almost guilty look, "I don't think I could function if I had such intense feelings so often."
This earned him a gentle smile, "Yes you can."
He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm glad you have such confidence in me but I suppose with as much time and training you've had to become accustomed to that kind of intensity, you would say such a thing."
"You feel intensely all the time. There's just a filter in your brain that helps you ignore most of it, like a mental flood gate that only lets a portion of the feelings through. You just don't let it down very far very often," she told him almost chidingly.
That made him remember that for her it was almost the exact opposite. For her, the gate was naturally down and she had to make a special effort to raise it, something that had only compounded the problems her empathy caused. "Of course," he agreed with a thoughtful nod.
"I think I'll go to the festival," she finally decided.
"I'm happy to hear that. I'm sure you'll have a splendid time," he smiled.
"Who are you going to send with me?" she curiously queried.
"I haven't decided yet. I need to look into some of the scheduling for the next couple weeks to see who's available," he replied.
"Alright, I figured as much. Thank you, again, for everything," she managed.
"Now that you have my opinion on the matter, what are you going to do with it?" he asked as he walked her out.
"I'm gunna go for it," she replied resolutely before waving and scampering off.