From now on – chapter eight
As she stood looking on at the tall man standing on their porch with her five year old son on her hip, her brain was taken to a world wind of places, what was he doing here? What did he want from her? How did he know where they lived? But when her sons warm hands clutched at the back of her neck she turned on her protective mother function, she kissed his cheek and put him down on the ground, attempting to get his attention focused upon her when all he wanted to do was get a good look of the big tall man on their porch, she put her hands on his arms and turned him towards her, she knew that he was too pathetic to make a move towards them at this very moment
"Who is it mama?" Will asked still trying to turn his head to look at the guy, his mum bringing him back any time
"Don't you worry about that baby, everything is fine but can you do a massive favour for me bubba?" she asked again having to drag his concentration back to her as he nodded "I left something at Mrs Frank's house, could you run back and get it for me?"
"What is it mama?" he asked, still young enough to believe that the true reason his mother was sending him away had nothing to do with the stranger on the doorstep
"You just tell Mrs Frank's that I sent you and to call me when you get there okay? She'll know what it is" she said with a smile as she hugged him and sent him away, getting out of her 'pretend everything is fine' mode and turning into protective woman who stormed up the porch after watching her son walk into the distance
"What the hell are you doing here?" she said stomping up the steps
"I'm sorry for just showing up" he said taking in a gulp, scared to look at her in the eye
"I'll forgive you if you walk away right now" she said looking him up and down as she put her hands on her hips, she could clearly see that he was a wreck, that he was falling apart but she couldn't care about that, it didn't matter to her. She was forced to stop caring when he impregnated her and refused to do his part.
"He is so grown up, what is he five now?" Owen said sniffing trying to hide his red eyes "It's seems like just yesterday"
"Seems like just yesterday since what Owen?" she asked starting to get pissed off by all that he was trying to say, she wished that he would get to the point of his little impromptu visit "Since you made the decision to not be a part of your son's life?"
"I signed the birth certificate"
"By the force of Chase. I know that the only reason that you signed it was because I sent him there and you couldn't let him down again. It was you last night wasn't it?"
He wasn't ready to answer by his eyes and his car were telling a different story, his wheels coincidently fitting perfectly into the grooves he had made the night before "So I guess that guy last night was the guy that you have picked to replace me" she let out a massive outraged laugh
"Replace you? You don't even exist in my kids mind. I'm sick of this" she said rubbing her forehead with her hand "Owen look at me and tell me in full honesty why you are here? Standing on my porch, why?" she watched as he looked down at his own shoes and then gained the courage to look up at her perfect eyes, god he wished he didn't have to look into them "Just tell me why?"
"I want to be in Williams life" she let out a sigh and he could tell that she was on the verge of tears but also incredibly angry, angry at the world but especially angry at him
"WHY NOW?" she yelled exasperated, that was one thing that she loved about living so secluded from the world, she could yell and scream, she especially appreciated it the week she tried to apply the 'self-soothe' method of sleeping for Will, he had screamed, she had sat in her closet bawling her eyes out and there was not one complaint from the neighbours of child abuse because Hey she didn't have any neighbours, no one snooping in her business.
"I won't lie, when I got the adoption papers in the mail it was kind of this wakeup call in my mind that I had a son and that I needed to be in his life" Owen continued to look down at his shoes
"Why not before?" she asked choking back tears, he didn't deserve her tears, not now. Not again. Not ever.
"Can we sit down?" he asked wiping the perspiration from his hands onto his jeans, she nodded and indicated to the deck chairs, there was no way he earned the right to step into their world and once he had stepped in the front door he was officially in their world "The day that Will was born I was set to fly to Tree Hill" she gulped, trying to hide the startled look that she predicted was on her face, she had never known that he had come to Tree Hill "I made it to the airport and I was about to board the plane, I got this picture message from Chase with our son's name all it said was 'meet your son' and I looked at the perfect little nose, his chubby cheeks and those Rachel inherited lips" he said the last part with a laugh as she tried not to look at him but unconsciously touched her lips "I broke down right there in the airport terminal, cried the hardest I have ever cried before, so loud that they called security. Do you want to know why?" the look that she gave him was enough of an answer "Because as I looked at our gorgeous son I felt unworthy, I felt as though I didn't deserve him and that you and Will would be so much better without me, I was a mess, am a mess and because of that I left my kid" he started crying again and while she wanted to go over pat him on the back give him some sort of soothing Rachel stayed perfectly still
"What makes you think that you are worthy now?" she asked like the prim and proper psychologist, pushing her sunglasses onto her face in an attempt to hide her glassy eyes
"I'm not, what I have realised is that I'm never going to be but that means nothing, He is my son and he deserves his dad. I'm never going to be worthy if I'm not in the race" he said looking up from where he leant from his knees
"What if I don't want you in his life?" she leant back as far as she could in the chair and adjusted herself to be sitting in a more comfortable position
"That's the thing I'm on the birth certificate, I don't want to but if I have to I can take it to court" he said it with this apologetic gleam in his eye as if to tell her that he was incredibly serious about this whole idea and solution that he had created in his own mind.
Rachel threw her head back in frustration and pinched the bridge of her nose "Look, This isn't about me, this is about William" she would always use his full name when she was serious or when she was telling him off "Whatever he wants, I want. Well except for that stupid monster truck" she saw him laugh and she just glared "What he says goes right?" she asked and he nodded "in saying that, you still have to play by my rules, don't forget that. He is my whole life and I will fight till the death to protect him"
"I get it" Owen said leaning forward
"You don't get any say in how I am raising him" she watched as he nodded along and then she let out another loud sigh, she had promised herself that if Owen Morello waltzed back into her life and demanded to be a part of Will's she would literally use her high heels to kick him to the curb but Will had always needed and craved a male role model in his life and she didn't want to deprive him of anything, she thought of how a teenage William would react to the idea that his father had wanted to be in his life and she had said no "Maybe, just maybe you can come around for dinner tonight, meet him." She saw the smile on his face "We aren't telling him who you are yet, unless he directly asks ME there will be no confessions tonight, okay?"
"Okay" this was the most nerve racking and exciting moment in pretty much his whole life.
X-x-x-x-x-x
"where did he go?" the little vulnerable voice of her five year old asked as she practically pushed him away from where Owen had stood on the porch and into the house
"He went home buddy" she watched as his face turned to a sort of disappointed look on his face "But he is going to come over and have dinner with us"
"Who is he mama?" he asked looking up at her with his clear Morello eyes
"He is just a friend of mine, now go and clean up all the Lego on your bedroom floor" she said practically feeling the pain of stepping on it earlier when she had gone to put clean clothes in his cupboard
"Hey ma" he said turning to her as he walked out of the room "Can we have pizza?" he asked with his cute irresistible smile
"Sure we can" she knew that he didn't know that he was about to meet his father but she still wanted to make it as easy as she could for him and that meant that if he wanted pizza he was going to get it. Rachel made sure that he was out of the room before she reached for her phone and ran upstairs to her bedroom, stepping into her walk in wardrobe and taking a seat in her favourite corner, she dialled and he answered on the third ring "Hey Chase" she said with a smile as he gasped on the other end of the phone
"My god that sounds like my friend Rachel, but that is impossible I haven't heard from her in weeks, she has been busy off in the land of sex and good times according to Brooke"
"Get a grip, I talked to you last week and if that is your way of asking how my boys are then they are all good, Drew flew back to work today but other than that we are all happy, happy, Joy, Joy. How are your girls?" she asked referring to Chase's wife Alex and their two year old daughter Lila
"Keeping me on my toes, Chris baby sat the other day, pretty funny" he said with a laugh "But I know you're not calling to hear about how Chris covered our apartment with cake mixture, what's going on ginger?" they had never been close in high school, mainly because they never got the chance to be but ever since she had had this little baby he was a massive support system for her and because of that they had become quite close
"Did you tell Owen where we lived?" she asked shutting the door with her foot and rubbing her palm on the forehead she swore was wrinkly
"Please don't be mad but I may have. Why?" he asked and she could hear the concern in his voice
"He showed up on my doorstep last night and today" she said closing her eyes, semi wishing that it was all a bad dream
"Crap Rachel I'm sorry. When he asked where you guys were living I figured he was going to send you a letter or try and get into contact with you, I didn't think that he would just show up on your doorstep. Is Will okay?"
"Will is fine; he doesn't have a clue who Owen is. The kid just thinks Owen is my spikey haired friend but that might have all changed by tonight"
"What do you mean?" Chase asked, it was like being between a rock and a hard place, since the moment Rachel showed up at TRIC pregnant and emotional he had wanted his best friend to step up and take some sort of action and responsibility for his son so this news was kind of exciting for him but on the other hand, Rachel was tormented by the fact that Owen had refused to be in their son's life, she had cried many tears, been incredibly sleep deprived and practically raised this kid on her own when Owen flaked and he wanted the best for her.
"He is coming around for Dinner tonight, we're not going to tell Will about who he is for a while though, keep it casual and simple"
"How is Drew dealing with all of this? Especially because he is so far away now"
"ah you know" Rachel said wanting to punch herself for forgetting to tell Drew about it all, but she could justify it, she didn't know where all of this was going to lead and what was the point of kicking up a fuss if it amounted to nothing?
"You haven't told him yet have you?" Chase asked with this smirk on his face, not because he didn't want Rachel to tell Drew but because he knew her pretty well
"I haven't had a chance to smart ass" she said with a laugh as her closet door opened and her smiling son looked at her "What's up buddy?"
"Your Spikey friend is here mama" he said with his cheeky smile as he swayed forwards and backwards with the 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' look on his face
"Okay" she said instantly regretting her decision but standing up never the less "You talk to Uncle Chase" she said passing him the phone and kissing his head before running out of the room, checking herself out in the mirror. Okay despite the dreaded state of her hair she was looking pretty good and the hair she could fix with a simple bun atop of her head. Rachel walked down the stairs and braced herself for an evening that she could never come back from. She could see him standing on the edge of the deck, swaying backwards and forwards just as she had watched her son do less than three minutes ago, Rachel took a deep breath and then swung the door open, her turned around and let out a sigh of relief
"I thought you had changed your mind" he said with a smile
"Don't give me the option" she said opening the door and stepping back so that he could enter
"I didn't know what you wanted for dinner, or if I was supposed to bring anything so I just brought pizza" she laughed to herself, he was clearly trying
"Pizza is great." She could hear her son running down the hallway "Just play by the rules"
"Coooooooool!" he over exaggerated as he came to a stop near his mother "Pizza" she could see him practically drooling and she knew that Owen was already in the good books. Will looked up to his mum and passed her the phone "Uncle Chase said to say hi to mama's spikey friend" Will said as Rachel smiled knowing full well that that was Chase's attempt at letting Owen know that he was watching him and for him to be on his best behaviour.
X-x-x-x-x-x
"Are you ready for bed mister?" she asked as she wrapped her light pink cardigan around herself and walked into her son's dark blue space themed bedroom, knowing full well that Owen was still sitting in their living room, possibly even within earshot. The night went pretty well considering the awkwardness and obliviousness from their shared child, but Will was all good and that was all that mattered.
"Yaha" he said throwing his pyjama clad legs into his bed and watching as his mum came over to him "He is pretty cool mama"
"Yeah he is" she said as she sat down at his toes
"Mama, who is he?" she knew that William was perceptive but this was a new high for him, she had remembered earlier that day telling Owen that unless Will directly asked her that he wouldn't know that he was his father and she while she wanted to she wasn't about to undermine their agreement and renege her promise
"Baby" she said taking his small feet in her hands before joining him in his bed, throwing one arm over him wondering how in the world she was going to start this conversation "You know how Mike from school was teasing you because you didn't have a dad?" she looked down at him and his little face nodded back at her "And you asked me who he was? I told you that I would tell you all about him when you were a little bit older, well honey now that you are five I think I can tell you that Spikey Owen is your dad" she gulped as she finished and he stayed silent, processing it all maybe, she really didn't have a clue and then his big brown eyes looked up into hers
"Cool" he said not really smiling or frowning, just very matter of factly "Can he stay here with us?" Will asked and she knew that she could see Owen's shadow
"If he wants to he can stay. On the COUCH" she yelled for Owen's benefit
X-x-x-x-x-x
Rachel sat in bed catching up on a good dose of reality television; it always made her feel better. It wasn't that she was sad, if Owen really wanted to be involved in their son's life then that was probably for the best but she had this unsettled feeling down in her gut and then her phone rang, great it was the phone call that she was dreading. How was she supposed to tell the guy that was so willing to be William's father figure and even adopt him that his biological father was all of a sudden back in the picture and sleeping on the couch that he had watched every super bowl on since they had been together on?
"Hey baby" she answered, realising that she couldn't avoid this conversation forever
"I'm so glad I get to hear your voice" he sounded exhausted "Back to back meetings all afternoon long, if one more person questions my judgement or doesn't do what I ask them to do I swear I will snap" okay so maybe tonight wasn't the best time to rip this band-aide off.
"Drew I'm really sorry but Will is calling out for me, I have to run. Can I call you back?"
"Yeah sure" she could hear the disappointment in his phone as she hung up, picking up her doona, walking to the door, turning the lights and television off before stepping out into the hallway and sitting on the top step where she could clearly see Owen laying. He was wide awake, and she knew that he could see her but neither of them made a move they just looked at each other intently as the night progressed, Owen with his hands under his head and Rachel as a giant marshmallow her frame engulfed by her king size duvet cover.
To be continued