omg remind me to never write while listening to Kiss Me by The Fray. even though the song is supposed to be sweet and happy, the Fray turned it into a sad slow song. and after watching a youtube video of a fanmade Klaine fight/break up with this song playing in the background, i cant help but get depressed and cry whenever i hear it...

also i have alot of stuff going on, so i'll try to update the story as fast as i can. but i only have time to write like at night, when im supposed to be sleeping. im also trying to learn how to play Stutter by Darren Criss on the guitar, so my fingers hurt and its hard to type.

.~.

"Hey Lynn, how did tryouts go?" Raven called from the couch as we walked in the front door. I didn't answer, just marched up the stairs and slammed my door behind me. Dropping my things on the floor I collaspsed face first onto my bed. I listened to Todd and Raven's coversation downstairs.

"What's with her?"

"I dunno, she was like that the whole way home."

"She seems kinda out of it... so how was your football tryouts?"

"It was cool. I did awesome, though I don't think I'll get quarterback. The guy that was QB last year is really good. He has a huge mouth, I bet he could fit, like, four tennis balls in there."

Raven and him burst out laughing. When their laughter died, they sprung into a different conversation that I wasnt interested in at all. Sitting up I turned my stereo on and turned the volume all the way and layed on my back, staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes as a slow song poured from the speakers, slightly echoing off my light blue walls. I had been in a daze ever since I walked out infront of Coach Sue and an adorbale girl named Becky. I had totally blacked out. All I rember was Coach saying something about 'little decency' and 'not very athletic' and Brittany pulling me off to the side and asking if I was okay.

This is what I meant when I said I had bad stage fright. I would either passout, throw up, or blank out and do something subconsiously. So I had no idea what I had done, but to the looks of my memory, it must not have gone well.

I sat up and slipped into my sleepwear. I walked into my bathroom and cleaned my face, and brushed my teeth. It was only 8:00 but I was exhasted. When I exited my personal bathroom, my mother's voice flooded up the stairs "Ashlyn! Ashlyn Grace Torra! come down for supper, I want to talk to you about cheer tryouts!"

Then Todd's voice, softer as if not intending for me to hear, echoed "She probably didn't make the team, that's why she's being like this"

I climbed into bed and burried my face again, pulling the comforter over my head. Sleep was calling me and that was the only voice I wanted to hear for the rest of the night.

When I awoke it was 3 am. At a time like this, I should be too tired to even open my eyes entirely. But I was wide awake, hands shaking slightly and heart pounding. The nerves of this afternoon where finally starting to catch up with me, my blank emotions were fading, leting my nerves and stage fright flooding into my mind. They sloshed around in my head until my brain was nothing more than a solicitous mound of putty. Or so it felt like it.

I was apprehensive about tomorrow, Coach Sue would post the team, and I would would either feel humiliated because I didn't make it (I'm leaning more towards that one) or I make the team and Avery threaten my life. Either way, I was screwed, and the realization was just hitting me. I shouldn't have tried out, I probably made a huge fool out of myself and now I was going to pay the consequences for 'stepping out of line'. Avery would probably drag me back behind the gym and beat me senseless.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, and I made a lunge for my bathroom.

"Honey, are you okay? do you need to stay home today?"

"No I can go..." usually I would take the chance to stay away from that hell-hole in a heartbeat, but my subconcious answered for me before I could contemplate what she asked me. Mom looked at me doubtfully for a second before I reassured her "If I start to feel sick again, I'll check myself out okay?"

She thought for a moment before standing up and extending her hand towards me. I graciously took it and pulled myself off my bathroom floor, where apparently, I passed out sometime last night.

I quickly got dressed, a black t-shirt and white ripped jeans, and hurried down the stairs. "Come on Todd, lets go." I mumbled, grabbing a banana and running out the door. I hated being late because it brought attention to myself. And today was not a good day to bring any attention my ways. My stomach was still fizzy and uneasy so I could barely stomach the banana, on top of that, humiliation or death-threats would surely push me over the edge into some menatl breakdown where I would need a therapists for the rest of my life. So today was definatnly not a day to mess with me.

The whole day went by in a blur. I daydreamed and blanked out in my clases and at lunch I sat quietly and pushed my food around the tray, too nervous to eat. By the end of the day I was a nervous wreck. Brittany and I locked arms as we hurried down the seemingly endless hallway. The gym seeming to never get any close until we were suddenly standing right in front of it, behind all the girls, who had auditioned, trying to get a peak at the list.

Most coaches would take days, weeks even, to nit-pick through every single girl and find the best without hurting anyone's feelings. Not Coach Sue, she cut right to the chase, picked the girls she knew would bring home another championship trophy, not caring who's hearts and dreams she crushed in doing so.

Brittany and I walked up to the door after a girl in front of us ran off crying. I closed my eyes and cringed slightly "Brittany you look, I can't do it." and as if this situation couldnt get anymore dramatic, she began reading the names one by one.

"Lindsey Martinie,

Emily Watson,

Ginger South,

Laken Tillery,

Hannah Iddings,

Miranda Raines,

Courtney Taylor..."

As the list went on, I grew more and more positive that I didn't make it.

"Katelynn Killian,

Bridget House,

Brittany Peirce,

Avery Cooper...

Oh my god... Ashlyn Torra! You made the team!" She squealed, grabbing my arm and jumping up and down. A few people started to stare, but she didn't care. My eyes poped open and I stood there in shock as Brittany rambled excitedly beside me. I reread the list several times to make sure it was real and not an illusion.

I had made the cheerleading team, I was now a Cheerio.

.~.

YAY! another chapter done! so things are starting to escalate for Ashlyn :)

im sooo sorry, but i wont be able to work on the next chapter AT ALL tomorrow. In the morning my dad is taking me and my sister fishing, then when i get back i have play practice from 11-3 then i'm going to my bestfriends birthday party, then im going to our school's end of the year banquet. plus my big brother is coming home from college for the summer so i'll be occupied with that as well.

yeah i got alot going on, so i wont have anytime. and i probably will be WAY to tired to write at night when im supposed to be sleeping.

so sorry! your reviews make me happy though, and help me through my writer's block, so please review. any predictions on what you think will happen next? i'd love to hear from you :) dont forget to get your friends to read my fanfic, ya know, the more the merrier, and the merrier i am, the faster and better i write.