Over the next few days, Kakashi made a point of passing by Calixta's home at least once a day. Things seemed calm enough, which was starting to ease his anxiety, until one day, his diligence was rewarded. As he passed by one afternoon, he saw her attempting to drag something out her front door. Curious, he approached.
"Need a hand?" he asked once he was sure he had successfully snuck up behind her.
She gave a startled squeak and nearly dropped the trunk she was dragging on her foot. Luckily, he was paying attention and caught it for her. "Ah, Kakashi-sensei," she finally said when she caught her breath. "Yes, thank you. It's much heavier than I remember," she muttered.
"I can't say I'm surprised," he commented as he took the load from her. "So…what are you doing with this?"
"It's the last thing left of Calixta's that I don't feel right in keeping," she replied, leading him into a clear patch of dirt in her backyard.
"What else was there?" he couldn't help asking.
"I returned the ankle bracelet that Ebisu gave her for her birthday and-" she stopped herself.
"And what?"
She blushed furiously, "And a bed sheet…that she got from Guy-sensei."
He gave her an inquizical look. "I thought you gave that back to him quite some time ago."
"You know about that?" she shifted uncomfortably at the idea.
"I happened to talk to Guy about it," he vaguely replied.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised…but look, Calixta gave you a lot of leeway into her personal life. That's not necessary anymore so I'd appreciate it if you were at least a little more discrete about it," she informed.
"I'll see what I can do about that if you tell me how you held on to that, unless he gave you another one," he suggested.
"She kept his and gave him another one in exchange," she explained. "It was a comfort item that is no longer necessary."
Usually, Kakashi appreciated her pragmatism but this time, however, that was not the case. "Is that how you feel about all the things you're getting rid of?"
She gave a sardonic little laugh, "I suppose in a certain capacity, you could look at them that way, though I wouldn't say that was my primary motivation every time," she admitted, distracted as she bent down to open the trunk.
"And all this?" he motioned to the trunk, noting that in a pile on top of her stacks of papers sat the returned pages that she had gifted to him, still folded in the shape of cranes with the strings he had used to suspend them neatly wrapped around them.
By then she was searching in her pockets. "There are some things that I miss about my old life. I miss being able to start a fire whenever I want," she mused dryly, finally revealing a pack of matches.
"You're going to burn it all?" he gasped.
"What else is there to do with it?" she glare as she stood.
"Well…if that's the case, then give me those cranes back," he began.
Her frown deepened. "You're even more sentimental than I thought. Fine, but that's all you get," she reluctantly agreed.
He knelt down and started pulling them out and setting them to the side. "What's this?" he asked after the first few he withdrew revealed a crumpled sheet. "You said you gave Guy's sheet back to him," he lifted it to get a better look.
"That's not his," she grumbled.
"Then who's is it?" he almost snapped because he really hated having to pry things out of her. He had finally gotten to the point where he didn't have to do that anymore, which only made the situation even more frustrating.
"G-Gaara-I-It's Gaara's," she barely managed when she saw the look of horror that distorted his features at the sight of the rips, the sex stains, and the smears of blood.
"That's your blood, isn't it?" he asked grimly.
"Of course it is, don't be stupid," she snapped. "Now, step away so I can get this over with."
Her sudden aggressiveness made him falter and he stepped away without thinking.
She was practically shaking as she struck the first match and used it ignite the rest of the pack but was only allowed to get that far before Gaara suddenly appeared before her. She shrieked and tossed the small fire into the air, where it landed a few feet from her and burned out before she remembered it. During this, Satu who had been happily asleep on the porch, basking in the afternoon sun, ran up and started barking defensively at the young man.
"Wh-What are you doing here?" she tried to demand.
Kakashi was also startled by the sudden intrusion but gave a much less discernable reaction.
He didn't reply to that. "What are you doing?" he asked instead.
"Nothing that concerns you," she snapped as she stood, looking around only to be disappointed by the fact that she would now need something else to set her blaze. "Great," she grumbled and started to walk back inside.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Gaara snapped.
"I'm gunna go get my lighter," she informed, her pace only faltering slightly when he raised his voice at her.
Because it gave him a chance to see what she intended to destroy, he let her go in favor of examining the contents of the trunk.
"I'm not sure you want to do that," Kakashi warned from a few feet away. To his surprise, Satu stayed close to his side, maintaining a defensive stance.
"I don't care what you're sure of," Gaara seethed, pulling the sheet the rest of the way out of the trunk. He tried not to look at it but he couldn't help seeing some of the traces of her blood and it made him sick to his stomach.
Kakashi watched the young man grow pale, almost green, before managing to fitfully throw the cloth aside.
"You know what all this is?" the sand ninja snapped as he started to look through it.
Surprised that he didn't seem to know about her writing habit at all, Kakashi wasn't exactly sure how to answer. "It's like her diary," he managed.
Gaara's frown deepened. Maybe she really had resigned herself to trying to forget.
Just then, she emerged. "Step away from there," she ordered as firmly as she could.
Gaara stood but didn't step away. He forced a dark little smile before trying to speak to her, "And here I was worried I was going to have to ask this guy to make sure you weren't going to come after me."
"You can rest assured that unless you say otherwise I am resigned to the situation as it stands. Now, stand back so I can finish this," she continued to order.
"If you're just going to burn it, I'm going to take it," he told her evenly.
Calixta glared at him and continued forward until the force of Gaara's chakra forced her to her knees. "You can't stop me."
She gave a pleading look to Kakashi to intervene. Accepting the cue, he moved in between the pair. "Gaara, this has gone far enough. Leave now or I'll have to make you leave," he threatened even though he wasn't sure he could actually accomplish such a thing.
Gaara just laughed at him until he could hear her gasping for breath behind him. Apparently, he'd gone a little overboard in trying to get his point across. So, he put up a cage of sand around them and let his chakra wane, allowing her to breath a little easier. He also made sure that the cage was large enough and the bars small enough that Satu couldn't escape.
"Gaara! Don't do this!" Kakashi scolded angrily.
"I will do as I please. Besides, Calixta told me that she gave me everything; I'm just keeping her honest," he glowered.
"I won't let you just take it!" she suddenly shouted. "Even if you leave here, you'll have to let me out eventually and I won't leave you alone, even if it means I have to burn down your house!" she threatened.
Kakashi whipped around and stared down at her in shock. "Calixta, I don't think you realize what you're saying," he tried to reason.
"I know exactly what I'm saying. There isn't anything in there that he couldn't have learned from me before our link was broken. Reading even one word of what's in there is cheating the deal!" she accused.
That made both her sensei and her ex falter.
"If you want to know Calixta then you should to do it the right way!" she continued to assert.
"You never do anything the right way!" Gaara countered.
"Well then now's a pretty good time to start," she bitterly replied.
Even without her empathy, Gaara could tell her threat was serious. "Then this is going to take quite a while," he told her as he sat down and pulled out the first sheet. "It's good to see you haven't entirely lost your fire though," he bitterly noted.
"I finally got tired of trying. I did everything I could think of and now I'm tired of trying. You're being such a bastard right now! I don't understand why you're doing this!" she yelled fitfully.
Gaara smirked. "I think I'm only just starting to realize how much you relied on your advantage over others."
"How dare you! It took years to turn my disadvantage into an advantage even a little bit," she defended but when she saw it wasn't making a difference she added, "The one you're looking for is on top of the other stack."
Kakashi shot her a suspicious sideways look.
"How can I be looking for something when I'm not even sure what all this is?" Gaara scoffed.
"Everyone always wants the same thing. They want the piece of paper with their name on it," she replied flatly.
He frowned when he saw that she was telling the truth.
Kakashi practically held his breath waiting for her to reply.
"I doubt you'll be satisfied by what you see though. No one's ever completely satisfied," she grumbled.
"You're still kind of a bitch too," he remarked bitterly.
"You had your chance," she reminded then, shot Kakashi a careful look out of the corner of her eye. It was one of the habits left over from when she had her power. Just getting a look at someone's aura told more than most expressions ever could. "I know, why don't we ask someone who knows." Before either of them could say anything, she continued. "Kakashi-sensei, after you read what I gave you, were you satisfied?"
The older man's heart skipped a beat. "Calixta-san, it's rude to put me on the spot so suddenly like that."
"Am I still bound by your no apologies rule?" she countered.
"For the time being, I think it should stand," he gave a little nod.
"Then, please, indulge me," she urged.
Kakashi took a few moments to think about what was being asked of him. First he had to figure out his honest answer and then whether or not that would be the answer he should give them. As he analyzed the experience, he realized that he felt much closer to Calixta for it but at the same time, he had felt as though there was something missing from her scribblings. He had been expecting a more well-rounded expression from the young woman and that was not at all what he read. "Gaara," he finally said.
"What is it now?" he asked distractedly, as he had managed to occupy himself with reading during the thoughtful silence.
"She's right," he conceded.
"I'm insulted that you'd just lump me in with everyone else and assume that I'd look for something in particular," Gaara scoffed.
She just sneered at him through the cage of sand.
"Tell me," he began again when he saw she was speechless. "Would you still come back to me if you had to stay as you are now?" he proposed.
She gave him an incredulous look. "That's not what you want," she pointed out.
"You have no idea what I want anymore," he countered.
"Of course I'd come back. I would feel incredibly inadequate, but I'd do it…if you'd have me," she added bitterly.
He gave her a critical look and then went back to reading. After he was finished with that page, he set it aside, "Do you still like my tattoo?" he asked curiously, "now that you know why it's there?" he asked as he withdrew the next sheet.
She didn't answer, concentrating on giving him the most painful glare she could manage but because she wasn't used to giving such harsh expressions, her face didn't exactly contort the way she wanted it to.
He shrugged and went back to reading while she put her head down on her knees and tried not to cry, Satu whimpering next to her. She was only successful for so long before tears were flowing down her cheeks without her permission.
At the sound of her first sniffle, Kakashi was pulled from his thoughts of trying to find a peaceful solution to their situation. "Hey, it's okay, really. Maybe he'll get bored and move on before too long," he wryly suggested.
"No, it's not okay," she grimly replied as she started to shake a little. "After everything that happened, I deserve to be treated like this…"
"Don't be such a baby!" Gaara snapped.
Calixta just turned her back to both of them and tried to sob as quietly as possible. It was a cruel irony for her that the time in her life when she felt the most violated, she had no empathy to show the violator that feeling, in hopes they would stop.
"Gaara, if you don't stop now, I'm going to have to send for help," Kakashi warned.
"Don't bother," Calixta said before Gaara could. "Here," she turned back around to face him, "Let's make a deal," she proposed.
"What kind of deal?" Gaara quirked a curious eyebrow.
"I give you all the pages about you to do with as you please and you let us go so I can finish what I started. That way, we don't have to bother anyone else with this," she bargained.
Gaara gave her a thoughtful nod. "Okay, deal," he released the cage surrounding them.
As soon as she gathered every piece that is now his, she went for her lighter again. "Stand back!" she ordered them, tossing in the bed sheet.
Gaara eyed the pile of cranes suspiciously but decided to wait to ask about that.
"Now hold on, Calixta-san," Kakashi coaxed. "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do? I mean, you can't ever get it back if you do this."
"That's why this is the right thing to do," she asserted, Satu taking up a defensive position between them.
"Maybe there's a better way!" he continued to press.
"Like what?" she snapped.
Gaara snickered at their argument as he continued to read a few feet away. He wasn't going to go very far in case there was something he felt like burning in his pile now.
After a moment of thought, Kakashi replied, "Keep doing what you're doing, give them all away."
She gaped at him in shock. "Don't be ridiculous, being violated by the two of you was bad enough! Besides, some of those people never want to see me again, or they're dead," she reasoned.
"Then burn those. I know a great number of people, however, who would cherish such a gift. It would give them a way to remember Calixta just a little better," he continued.
"No, that's stupid! It's all a bunch of babbling nonsense now!" she insisted.
"I don't see why not," Gaara suddenly chimed in, not looking up from his page.
"You have no right to dictate to me! You gave up that privilege," she snapped.
"The way I see it yeah," the teen continued undeterred by her arguments, "I can see sharing it with one person, especially your sensei, but after two, why not go the whole way?" he proposed.
"I didn't volunteer to share this with Kakashi-sensei. He, like you, took it upon himself. Either way, the two of you know me probably better than anybody. If I were to voluntarily share these things, it would have been with either of you," she reasoned.
"Then why not Sasuke, too?" Gaara proposed. "He told me once that he probably knows you better than anybody, you know, since he's had your power and used it against you."
"No! Damn it! Just let me do this!" she demanded.
"Calixta-san," Kakashi put a careful hand on her shoulder, "I think you should wait at least a little while longer before you make this decision. Remember how painful it was for you when someone stole or destroyed what you'd written, for whatever reason?" he coaxed.
"No! I have to do this. It's over. There's nothing in there anymore but empty words; ink and scraps of paper! Every syllable has lost its soul!" she raved. "I have to destroy everything. It's an abomination!"
Kakashi forcibly stopped her from lighting her lighter this time. "Then, as your sensei, I am ordering you to wait and hold on to this trunk and it's remaining contents. If you can't do that, then I'll take it myself."
"You trust her with it?" Gaara scoffed.
"If you destroy any of it in the meantime, I'll see to it that you're expelled from the village, even if I have to do it myself," he vowed.
"You bastard!" she screamed, banging her fists ineffectually against his chest.
Because he was used to Calixta's former strength, Kakashi was somewhat startled by how feeble her outburst really was.
"You bastard! I knew you could never really understand but I thought you had enough sense to listen to me every once in a while," Calixta yelled back, weakly pushing him away. "No one can truly understand the meaning of these words anymore!"
"It all seems pretty straight forward to me," Gaara interjected, as he had yet to get to the part about the festival.
"You!" she turned to him, her eyes brimming with angry tears. "We had a chance, damn it!" she stomped her foot for effect but ended up losing her balance and stumbling forward a bit toward him. "Why did you give up on probably the only chance that either of us had at peace, at balance, maybe even happiness?" she raved.
"You know why I did what I did," Gaara sneered over his paper at her.
"Yeah, because you're selfish and you were scared! Because things weren't as easy as you thought they were going to be! And because you're arrogant!" she spat.
Kakashi gasped. This was probably the first time ever she had said anything so scathing to someone else.
"How dare you say such things about me! I did it to save your life!" Gaara indignantly replied.
"Add self-righteous and naïve to the list too then! You were so beautiful before and I can't see any of that now!" she fell to her knees. "I may have lost all of what you thought was special about me but in the process you've made it so I can't see you any differently than anybody else. All I see when I look at you now is the same hollow, meaningless mask that everyone else wears! As far as I'm concerned, you're not special anymore either," she muttered.
Gaara shot her a dangerous look over the top of what he was reading.
"Calixta!" Kakashi finally scolded. "That's enough. This is unproductive and I refuse to let to continue." He walked over and closed up her trunk. "I'm taking this back inside and putting it away and that's how it's going to stay until I say otherwise. Have I made myself clear?"
She glared weakly over her shoulder at him. "Yes, Kakashi-sensei."
"Good. Now, go find me something to carry those cranes home in," he ordered.
With a grumble, Calixta stood and went inside. She was absolutely furious but she knew that when Kakashi took that tone with her, he was serious and that there was no arguing with him.
Then, with a little grunt of effort, Kakashi lifted the trunk. "And as for you," he turned and leveled a serious gaze on the young sand ninja still sitting in the grass reading. "I don't know why you really came here but I don't want you to bother Calixta anymore…at least not for a while. She doesn't need that right now. Why don't you take your reading elsewhere?"
Since he knew that there were more private places to do finish what he started, he gathered his papers and left without a word just as Calixta returned with a basket.
"He's gone…" she remarked almost sadly as she started to collect the paper birds.
Kakashi only nodded and took the trunk inside, sliding it beneath her bed as far as it would go. "Look," he told her once things were in order. "I hadn't intended to spend so much time here this afternoon so I still have things I need to do today but I'll be back later to check up on you," he informed as he started for the door.
"Yes, Kakashi-sensei," she agreed. "Is there anything you want me to do in the meantime?"
"Just think of a better way to get rid of your trunk if you really don't want it anymore," he told her and then was gone.
Gaara had decided from the start to read the pages in the stack he got from Calixta in the order they were already in. He was fortunate for this decision because they seemed to follow a certain chronological order, which made them a little easier to understand. When Kakashi told him that it was her diary, he had been expecting something closer to a narrative, or at least full sentences, but in that he was left largely wanting as he read through gigantic lists of descriptors, impressions, and the like. He could tell she just wrote whatever came into her mind because of the almost excessively free-form nature of the documents. After a while, he even began to speculate that sometimes, she only wrote a single word before putting the paper back.
He was pleased at first to find that although her style took a little getting used to, he didn't feel like he was really learning anything new about how she felt about him. He always felt that she had been an open book to him from the very start and it was nice to have that feeling affirmed.
His comfort, however, was reigned in as he continued to read over a large steaming bowl of chicken and rice. He didn't exactly want to explore her psyche in a public place but he hadn't eaten since the last time they had shared a meal together, something he only realized as he was on his way out of town and the tangy scent of sweet and sour sauce made his stomach growl. Since it was sort of an out of the way place, with small tables set back from the street, he gave in.
Gaara was only finished with his reading for a few minutes before his thoughts were disturbed by someone joining him without warning or invitation. "You," he narrowed his gaze across the table at the large old man with messy white hair now seated across from him. "What do you want?"
Jiraiya studied the young sand ninja for a moment. "You look like hell, son," he mused after a moment.
"I'm not your son," Gaara grumbled.
"But you still look like hell. Though, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. If you've seen Calixta since you got here, I'm sure you'd find her in a similar state of disrepair," the older man commented.
"I am in far better shape than she is," he snapped petulantly.
"If you say so," he shrugged. "What's all this?" he motioned to the face down stack of papers sitting to Gaara's left under a large rock.
"None of your concern," Gaara dismissed. "Why are you bothering me?"
"I'm wondering why you're here…and to be honest I'm not the only one. Kakashi is still all bent out of shape about it."
"He should have minded his own business," the teen curtly replied.
"In case you aren't aware, she is very much his business. He is her sensei and I'm not sure what that means to you but they take that relationship very seriously, as does everyone here," Jiraiya informed.
"I am aware of their relationship, thank you. Now, if you don't mind, I'm sort of busy," he tried to get the older man to leave but to no avail.
"You weren't doing anything when I happened upon you. Tell me, does your sensei know you're here?" he tried.
"It's not a good day for fishing, old man," Gaara evaded.
"Then I just want to tell you about something. I'm not sure what you know about what Calixta really needs," he began carefully.
"I am very aware of her needs," the teen snapped.
"But on what level? I'm not saying that you weren't properly providing for her, but I just want to make sure you realize it."
Gaara simply grumbled and sat back in his chair, hoping the older man wouldn't talk for very long. He had a lot on his mind and being pestered like this wasn't helping him think.
"I'm sure you're aware by now that exclusivity between the two of you on a physical level is all but impossible," he paused a moment for the younger man to nod. "Honestly, I'm a bit surprised you were okay with that."
"She was like that before she got to me. It wasn't my place to try to change that," he explained.
Jiraiya was impressed with the maturity of the tyrannical young man's outlook. "Whatever the case may be, she believes it is possible for her to be exclusive to you on some sort of emotional or spiritual level."
Gaara frowned because he wasn't exactly sure what the older man was getting at. The driving force behind her sexuality was a need for the emotional heights it provided.
"She only shares certain feelings with others, the ones she knows they will accept, which as you can probably imagine, severely limits her options. She needs someone she can share everything with, someone strong enough to take on the pains of her soul as well as the pleasures. Not everyone is strong enough to do that. She told me once, and I think she's right in this, that she'd be lucky to meet someone like that once in a lifetime."
The teen gave the older man a skeptical look across the small table between them.
"If I was a few years younger, I could have been one of those people," he informed flatly.
Gaara sneered. "A few years?" he scoffed. "Try a few decades, grandpa!"
Jiraiya shook his head in exasperation., knowing that his younger self would not have been up to what he was suggesting. "But even if I was, I would have seriously considered letting you have her."
"What's your angle, old man? I don't have all god damn night," Gaara finally snapped.
"I just want to make sure you're aware that you were probably the only person who could ever really make her happy."
"And you're too ancient to do it," Gaara jibed, but mostly because he was extremely uncomfortable.
"I thought you were aware that you are most likely in the same boat," Jiraiya chided.
"You're wasting your time," the sand ninja finally grumbled.
"Oh? You're leaving?" Jiraiya asked hopefully.
"I have things to do," he stood and gathered his stack of papers.
"Think about what I said," the old master called after him.
"I don't have to," Gaara snapped over his shoulder as he walked away, leaving the intrusive older man to wonder if he had gotten through to him.
He went straight to Calixta's, stashing the stack of papers under her porch. Then, he entered her house without so much as a knock of warning, eliciting a shriek of surprise from her in the process.
"You made a deal with Shukaku?" Gaara demanded when he first saw her.
"I'm surprised he didn't tell you that," she grumbled.
"Just when I think you might show a tiny glimmer of sanity, something like this happens! Why didn't you tell me?" he continued to demand.
"I might have if I thought you would have listened to me," she countered willfully.
"If he ever sees you again, he'll kill you!" he threatened.
"Not necessarily. In fact, I bet if you nodded off right now, he'd shower me with kisses," she tried to brag.
"Yeah, then he'd fuck you up so bad no one would recognize your corpse," he hissed.
"Then it really would be over, wouldn't it?" she sneered. "But no, I don't think that's what would happen."
"Okay, if you're so smart, what would happen?"
She gave him a challenging look. "What course of action has Shukaku been pushing you toward?"
Gaara frowned and looked away. "He wants…" Even though he didn't have to consult Shukaku on the matter, the demon felt the desire to make his opinions on the matter known once again. "He wants us to pick back up where we left off," he managed bitterly.
She nodded. "Okay. Now, with that in mind, I think he would probably take the first steps of that for you. He seems to have an even worse habit of forcing the issue than I do."
The voice inside Gaara's head gave a low chuckle, "Smart cookie."
"What's that supposed to mean?" the teen scowled.
"He would give back my chakra whether I took it willingly or not. I would have to fight him…because I want you to do it and on terms we can both agree on. It would be unpleasant for both of us, to say the least, for it to happen otherwise," she tried to explain. He was about to speak again but she didn't notice and continued, "The really hard part would be how difficult it would be to resist giving in after I could start to feel his desire again."
"Stop it! Stop babbling! This isn't getting us anywhere!" Gaara suddenly interrupted.
"You asked," she shrugged.
"Why would you even make a deal like that," he backtracked their conversation a bit.
"Are you kidding? I needed a way to prove to him that he could trust me and he wasn't going to give me the opportunity to do that on his own. It was a good move, whether you want to admit it or not," she indignantly informed.
"I'm getting the impression that you've changed your mind," Gaara noted.
"Is that what you're trying to do?" she countered. "You want to badger me until I really don't like you?"
"Is it working?" he proposed.
"You're avoiding the issue," she accused.
"Okay, you want the real question? Why didn't you say something to me about your deal, if it was so good? Don't you think it would have been an even better move to tell me so that I would have a reason to keep you around?"
"Why don't you just go? If you don't want me, leave! I don't even know why you're here in the first place," she tried not to sob. "Is it to rub salt in the wound or was there something you wanted to say. If you're here to give that damn necklace back, don't bother. I still don't want it anymore."
Gaara had the jewelry in his pocket but he wasn't about to reveal that just yet. However, that didn't stop him from toying with it in secret.
"Besides, I don't want your obligation!" she suddenly screamed.
"Then why make that kind of deal in the first place?"
"In addition to prolonging my life or at least minimizing the physical damage, I wanted to see Shukaku again!" she asserted. "I told him I would try to do that because it was what I already wanted to do. I'm sure after all your reading, you've realized that it wasn't exactly an accident that he got out."
That admission made him realize that, at least in some capacity, she had been manipulating him, which at this point was only fair after everything that happened.
"You were with me because you wanted to be, because we each gained something significant from the experiences we shared. Everyone else that I've been with since I originally came to this village, everyone felt some sense of obligation toward me once they found what it meant for me," she confessed. "If you felt like you had to be with me for any other reason than that you wanted to, what we had wouldn't be as wonderful, as beautiful. Though…I would be a liar if I said that even with all that, if you took me back out of a sense of obligation, I would still go with you."
Gaara shook his head in exasperation. "Even after all the mean words you said to me earlier. Even though you think I'm selfish and self-righteous?"
"Not you, just some of the things you did," she clarified and then, with a sigh, added, "But we did have some good times, didn't we?"
He barely stopped himself from smiling nostalgically. "While it lasted," he bitterly agreed.
She nodded and looked down at her lap. "W-We never got a good bye kiss you know," she proposed hopefully.
He gave her a coy little smile. "Yeah, okay," he agreed and started to crawl over to her. He watched with delight as a blush rose to her cheeks.
Calixta could feel her heart racing but didn't falter as they pressed their lips together. It was a soft, tentative gesture that only lasted a moment before there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," she barely called and Kakashi entered, obviously startled at what he saw.
"What's going on here?" he questioned seriously when he saw the tears standing in Calixta's eyes.
"Gaara-san was just saying good bye. We didn't exactly get to before," she mused.
"I see," the older man stood impatiently next to the open door, hoping Gaara would take the hint.
It was obvious that both of them expected him to leave so, he found his way to his feet and started for the open door but stopped halfway to look over his shoulder to see that Calixta was standing to help show him to the door. The resigned but good natured smile she wore made his heart flutter and he couldn't hold back any longer.
"Calixta," he began suddenly, taking one of her hands in his.
"Gaara-san," she gasped.
Neither of them noticed Kakashi standing a few feet away practically chomping at the bit to tear them apart.
"Take me back, please," he pleaded quietly into her ear, his warm breath causing goosebumps to ripple over her skin.
She gasped again and looked into his eyes. They were bloodshot and the dark circles around them had come back at full force but there was still a sparkle somewhere behind the weary haze that almost made her heart stop. Without thinking, she suddenly took his cheek in her off hand and kissed him.
Kakashi stared in shock at the pair as they embraced, her hand moving from his cheek to lace in his hair while his other hand slipped over her hip to rest on the small of her back. He sighed. He might have been able to stop them before but now he knew it would not be so easy. This unease was compounded by the feeling that he wasn't sure he wanted them to stop. If he had heard Gaara's quiet plea correctly, then he might not want to interfere.
Either way, he was pulled from his train of thought when he heard Calixta give a little whimper. He watched her cling to him as she stumbled forward, closing the distance between their bodies. Then, a moment later, they both fell to their knees. Luckily, it was a controlled descent, mostly thanks to Gaara.
"Ah, Gaara-san," she gasped when her knees hit the ground. "What changed your mind? Don't tell me it was those stupid papers," she scoffed breathily.
He squeezed her hand a little harder and nuzzled her neck, since she was no longer kissing him. "I needed time to think about what happened," he replied distractedly. "But I came here hoping we could work this out," he confessed.
She gasped again. "Then why didn't you-?" she wasn't allow to finish her question.
"Because I got distracted. I hope you can forgive me," he prayed.
"And my deal with Shukaku?" she asked with baited breath.
Gaara felt his stomach turn just a touch as he swallowed hard, "I still don't like it…but I trust you."
She couldn't speak for a long while after that so ended up reinitiating their kiss instead.
As Kakashi watched them, he felt compelled to leave because what they were experiencing seemed like such an intensely private moment. However, he was still worried and more than a little curious as to the outcome of this sudden turn of events. So, he was left to silently observe them as he carefully closed the front door.
When their kiss broke again, they were both breathing deeply and heavily. Without any sort of cue, they brought their other hands together. They were both practically trembling.
"You know I'm all for this but I don't know if I'll survive a heartbreak like that again. Please, just promise me you're serious," she pleaded.
"I promise," he agreed seriously.
"Oh, Gaara," she almost moaned, digging her fingers into the backs of his hands. This outburst earned her a little gasp of astonishment from the man still only a few feet away. "Oh, Kakashi-sensei," she tried to turn and focus her attention on him but it was extremely difficult. "Please don't be angry."
That last bit took Kakashi aback because he knew what it meant. He didn't really think he was angry or even if he was, it was more out of a sense of prolonged confusion than anything else. Regardless, she knew the feeling was there. "I-I should go," he finally admitted, doing so aloud for further motivation to actually commit it to action.
Gaara gave a protective little growl that refocused her attention on him and when the older man started to leave, he spoke distractedly to him, "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."
When he would had the opportunity to consider the evening in retrospect, Kakashi realized that one of the most surprising elements, at least for him, was the genuinely honest thanks from Gaara. It was what made him feel good about leaving them alone together. However, it didn't stop him from wandering listlessly about the streets.
When the door clicked shut, Gaara and Calixta's lips met again and he was able to return much of the energy stored in him, which left them both dizzy and gasping.
"Oh my god," she marveled, he eyes wandering around the room and over him.
"What is it?" he pressed.
She gave an almost foolish giggle. "Everything is so beautiful!" she awed. "I feel like I'm part of the world again."
He found himself laughing with her sympathetically before reinitiating their kiss once again but this time, once their lips met, he started to lean backward, pulling her down on top of him. They parted again when their embrace became too dizzying.
"We should slow down," she regretfully informed as she gasped for air above him.
"But I want you back now; I can't wait any longer, " he pouted petulantly.
"I know…but taking so much from you so quickly, especially since you haven't had much time to recover, might leave you a bit exhausted. I know I said I want to see Shukaku again but I don't think either of us is ready for it to happen again so soon," she playfully informed.
Gaara frowned. He had been enjoying their rather intense exchange and craved more of the same. However, he knew she was right, and backed off. To signal his willingness to trust her judgment, he laid back on the floor and folded his hand behind his head, looking up at her with a smirk of admiration. "So, I'm willing to respect your privacy if you tell me what's up with that trunk Kakashi wouldn't let you burn," he proposed.
She gave a little smile. "Okay, but only if I can have back what I gave you earlier. You've had plenty of time to go over it."
"Fair enough," he agreed. "They're under the porch."
"The beauty of the world overwhelms me at times. I found, that getting it out on paper made it easier to deal with," she bit her lip. "Over time, it sort of became a compulsion. I mostly write about people, because they are the most vibrant but occasionally another sort of creature or thing catches my attention," she confessed.
Gaara just smiled upward at her. He could hardly fathom such a problem since most of his life, all he could see in the world, especially its people, was how painfully ugly it all was. But then again, he always knew she was different.
"You, sir," she almost slurred, "are especially vibrant. I don't know if you realize that," she informed.
"Oh yeah?" he prompted, resting his hands on her hips and playing with the bottom of her blouse.
"Oh yes," she nearly raved. "So many intense colors…and you feel so intensely. You hardly show it, I know, but I think that makes your emotions even more intense. And then…it's like your chakra makes sympathetic vibrations with mine. Sometimes, it almost tickles," she giggled foolishly.
At this point, Gaara had decided that she was absolutely mad and that he loved her dearly for it.
"Then, there's Shukaku," she added with a wild look in her eyes that made Gaara's heart skip a beat.
"What about'im?" Gaara almost snapped.
"Don't get testy," she chided, tapping the end of his nose with the tip of her index finger. "I couldn't ignore him even if I wanted to. He exists almost as intensely as you do, quelled only by the fact that you force him to be subordinate to you. He makes your aura very dark sometimes, but not always in a bad way. For me, he exists as a strong undercurrent in your chakra. I can feel him teasing me sometimes. That's how I knew he wanted to meet face to face. Tell me what you thought of my scribblings," she suddenly requested.
Gaara faltered slightly at the sudden request. "I found them…enlightening," he managed. "I was very flattered, to say the least," he almost laughed. "And it was nice to get the full story about what happened that night. Shukaku failed to mention several fairly important items."
"I'm glad you weren't as disappointed as I expected."
"I don't understand how someone could be disappointed with what they saw about themselves," he finally pressed.
"Well, there are two reasons. The first is that many people want…a more well rounded interpretation. They want a reason to get mad, basically," she shrugged. "And then there's the fact that I can't help thinking how empty the words look on cold paper like that. Words are so subjective sometimes and even though most of what is read seems pretty straightforward, they still feel like they're lacking compared to how I feel."
Gaara nodded with understanding.
"But you don't need to worry about that anymore. Now, if you desire, you can know exactly how I feel. We won't need words for it," she almost bragged.
Just the idea almost overwhelmed him, "Uh, let's just stick to you and me for now, okay?" she almost laughed.
"Of course," she grinned and started to undress him. "I was so lonely," she confessed once his shirt was nearly off.
"I know, I'm sorry," he frowned.
"No, please. If I'm not allow to say I'm sorry to you then you're not allowed to say it to me either, got it?" she playfully scolded. "Besides, it only reinforced my conviction about how deeply I care for you."
Gaara returned her playful grin with one of his own and started to pull her shirt down off her shoulders but it quickly faded when he looked over her shoulder to see the bite mark on her shoulder and then, further down, the scratch marks across her back. "I-I thought you didn't scar."
"Oh…" she had a slight flash of regret but quickly pushed it aside, "A little gift left over from my time with Shukaku. Since I didn't have my chakra at the time, I wasn't able to fully heal," she explained.
"I see…" he also tried to push it aside, even though those were the only scars that marred her perfect skin. "I trust you've been in good hands while we were parted," he asked hopefully as his hand found her breast. To his disappointment, it didn't quite feel as he thought it should. He expected them to be full but they felt rather empty.
"Actually…I've hardly felt the touch of another since we parted," she bitterly assured.
"Oh?" he quirked a curious eyebrow.
"Yeah. I tried…because I wanted to see what it would be like…but it was all so empty that I could hardly go through with even the smallest embrace. I even tried to entertain myself but that didn't work either," she complained.
"That's interesting. I'm sure your many lovers were disappointed," he chided.
She gave him a strangely challenging look down at him. "Don't pretend like you care about any of them," she dismissed.
"What makes you so sure I don't? You know I can tell who you're close to. I might have a thing or two to say at your taste," he suggested haughtily.
She smirked. "I would accept your guidance," she conceded because she thought it would be, at the very least, interesting.
"That's good to know," he chuckled.
"But like you said, right now it's just you and me." She started to work on his pants.
"So eager already," he teased.
"Oh, I didn't realize you want to move slowly," she chided.
"Actually, I'm just curious. You don't seem to have any milk for me anymore," he finally revealed his disappointment.
She sank a little at that. "Yeah, I saw no reason to continue trying to produce it when it wasn't helping anybody anymore," she sighed.
"I understand," he nodded.
"But…" she smiled," it was started because they received so much attention. I'm sure it wouldn't take much to restart the process," she winked and he immediately sat up, pulled her shirt down her arms and got to work.
"Now who's eager?" she teased.
He didn't respond, he was too busy deciding that he would pay her breasts as much attention as possible until her healing spring returned, reveling in the way she squirmed in his lap and the adorable little sounds she made.
The more he touched her, the more she felt her power returning to her. Before long, they were no longer experiencing just the passive effects of her chakra. He almost gasped when she first asserted her power over him. She was absolutely giddy and that feeling only served to egg him on.
Just as he was starting to think he was making progress, he thought he tasted the first drops of milk on his tongue, she started to pull him away.
"Gaara," she pleaded, taking his cheeks in her hands and trying to guide him upward but he petulantly fought her. "Gaara, please, kiss me," she pleaded when her nipple finally popped from his lips.
When he saw the look in her eyes, he didn't think, only complied. When their lips met again, he felt an incredible rush. She was actively drawing out the rest of her chakra, rather than taking it as he offered as she had in the beginning. When he broke the kiss to gasp a moment later, she continued to hold his face close to hers.
"Don't forget to breathe," she half-teased before pressing her lips against his once more.
Her forcefulness made him falter but her confidence quickly fixed that. Before long, she was once again squirming and squealing in his lap. All the while, one of his hands rested on the small of her back, to steady her, and the other massaged her breasts. When she was about three quarters of the way restored, she let their kiss end. By that point, Gaara was barely kissing back. It wasn't that his actions lacked conviction, it was just so overwhelming to have her power drawn out of him so suddenly just as his body was starting to think it could actually assimilate the energy.
Seeing how dazed she left him, she laid him down, resting her head on his chest and letting one hand toy with his partially exposed erection.
"You are absolutely unbelievable, leading me on like that. Why did you wait so long to do this if it's the reason you came here?" she playfully demanded.
For a moment, Gaara could only grit his teeth to bite back a moan of pleasure at her fondling him so expertly. "What you were doing when I approached…it made me curious," he admitted.
She nodded with understanding. "I missed you so much," she kissed his chest.
He grinned a bit because the gesture tickled. "I know. I missed you too," he admitted with a sigh of contentment. Then, he sighed again, but this time it sounded a little more thoughtful. "I almost wish I'd waited to give back your power. I was curious to see what kind of lover you would be without it," he admitted.
She gave a sad little smile upward. "I'm not sure how fulfilling it would be but perhaps we could explore that another time," she suggested.
He couldn't believe she was so casual about the suggestion and just ended up nodding in response. Then, because she sensed they were done talking, she leaned up a bit and started to tease his nipple with her tongue. He gave a little jerk of surprise before rolling her onto her back so he could start playing with her breasts again. It didn't take as long this time for him to receive another few drops of milk but found, once again, that was all she had to give. Not that it mattered, he knew that her supply was dependent on the demand she received.
She knew what he was after and his determination and desire made her breasts tingle. She knew it wouldn't be long before he was rewarded at the pace he was going. He withdrew sooner than she expected but it was only to roll them back over so that she was on top of him. Once there, they finished undressing and before Gaara's mouth could find her breasts again, she leaned down and kissed him.
Just as Gaara was about to position himself at her entrance, he could feel her drawing the rest of her chakra back into her. It made his eyes roll and his body arch almost painfully because that was the portion that he had managed to assimilate into his own. Because of this, she ended up taking a fair portion of his chakra with it. It made him light headed as he kneaded her hips fitfully.
"Aaah!" she breathed when she was finished, tossing her head back and sitting up, straddling his hips. "Oh, Ai-sama…" her head thrashed from side to side, further mussing her already messy hair.
"Cali…-sama…" Gaara groaned, barely aware of what he was saying. Then, even if he did have a chance of recovering, she started her descent on his shaft. They were both practically trembling already so she didn't immediately rise up again for another thrust. Rather, she let her hips rest on his and rolled them against one another, creating an intoxicating stirring sensation inside her. "Oh, Cali…it's not fair…" he groaned after a moment.
She considered stopping but sensed that he didn't want her to. "What's the matter sweetie?" she asked sweetly, gently running the back of her hand along his jaw.
"It's all so much at once," he moaned. "How can you stand it?"
"It does take some getting used to," she admitted breathily. "Once I get my equilibrium closer to normal, it won't be as bad."
He nodded and bit his lip. "I don't care…I want everything you are," he finally admitted.
At that, they both felt an immense warmth well up inside them. Calixta barely held back her tears of joy but the emotions behind them were so intense that one of them had to give into them. Suddenly, Gaara felt stinging tears welling up in his eyes.
"Agh," he brought an arm up to wipe them away.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she almost laughed with even greater joy at the show of his empathy toward her but at the same time, she was giving into the tear-jerking emotions so he wouldn't have to. So, he was allowed her laughter instead, much to his awing bliss.
The torrent of emotions left Gaara extremely off balance so to compensate, Calixta returned some of his chakra that she had managed to filter out of her own. That managed to give back some of his vigor and his hands returned to her hips, encouraging her to continue their thrusts. She happily obliged.
As they rushed toward orgasm, Gaara couldn't help awing up at her. Her hair was still a disheveled mess and there were dark circles under her eyes from stress and lack of sleep, but those were quickly fading. Her eyes were sparkling in the dim light of her living room and for a moment, he could swear her skin was glowing the most intense, throbbing purple that he had ever seen. She looked like a goddess to him, something not of the earth. Or perhaps she was too close to her earthy roots, like the nymphs, whose natures frequently quashed any sort of civilized sensibility.
When he was so close to cumming that he could hardly see, he sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Cali-sama, I love you!" he cried into her shoulder, more tears stinging his eyes but this time he knew they were his own.
"Ai-sama," she cried back as she came again. "Never cut yourself off from me again, no matter what!"
"Never again," he vowed before words were lost to him again and he found himself cumming inside her a minute later. After a few moments of euphoria, Gaara laid back down, taking Calixta with him to lay down on top of him.
"Now what?" she asked him seriously after they had a chance to catch their breath and make sure all their chakra was in the right places.
Gaara chuckled, "I was just about to ask you the same thing."
"Well, I have quite a few things I need to set straight again now…but that will wait until tomorrow. I don't have the head for it at the moment," she giggled.
He nodded.
"Perhaps we could go out to dinner. Letting others see us together will do much of the explaining for us," she pointed out.
He nodded again. "That's fine…but I was thinking more in general. I want this to work and you seem to think you have a pretty good idea how we can do that so I want to hear it. Yeah, I get a lot from you. A lot of it I don't really understand," he admitted with a grumble. "But don't assume I know everything. I'll let you know if you're telling me something I already know," he assured.
She smiled up at him. "That sounds perfectly fair. Though, you should know I'm sort of making this up as we go along so feel free to make suggestions," she teased. "But seriously, I know this is a huge commitment but we both have almost equally large commitments in our lives already. Whether I like it or not, I have to finish my service here before I can really do much else."
"How long will that be?" he questioned curiously.
"Another year or so, depending on what they have me doing," she shrugged.
"Then what?" he pressed.
"I dunno. I haven't really thought about it. I sort of like the idea of being a free agent after being tied down for so long…but this commitment doesn't sound nearly as bad," she giggled again. "Perhaps I'll go see what you're doing at the time," she winked.
He laughed at her facetiousness. "That sounds promising. I don't think I'll be going anywhere so I'll be waiting for you," he warned. "What about your deal with Shukaku?"
"Well, I was sort of hoping to see you here and there in the meantime. It would be terribly depressing to have to spend all that time without you. I was thinking that perhaps I could return for the next monsoon festival. By then, I think we'll have enough time to think about everything and it almost seems appropriate that we do it then."
"When it rains, it pours," Gaara grumbled. "Okay. Fine," he reluctantly agreed.
"Thank you," she kissed his chest. Then, she got up, intending to get dressed.
"There is one more thing, actually," he told her once his pants were on.
"What's that?" she eagerly prompted.
"Wear this again," he pulled the necklace out of his pocket.
"I thought it was broken…" she awed as he drew closer.
He smiled. "I fixed the chain but the gem is still cracked. We can get you a new one if you like," he offered.
"Not at all. I think it's more charming this way. Please, help me get it on. I have the most terrible time with those little clasps," she turned around and he obliged.
"Oh, Gaara, you may not want to hear this but I don't think I ever really appreciated my perspective on the world until it was so suddenly shifted and I have you to thank for that," she admitted as they walked to dinner. "The colors almost seem more vibrant than before," she raved.
He had never seen her so giddy. She didn't even seem to notice the looks of incredulity they were receiving as they walked. "Uh, Calixta," he began carefully as they turned a corner.
"What is it?" she asked merrily.
"Every once in a while, I see these strange colors around things," he told her, trying not to sound like he was complaining. He already figured it was her fault but since she was mentioning it, he wanted to say something.
She gave a guilty little smile. "I see those kinds of colors all the time. If you don't like it, the effect will probably wear off before too long. I can't say whether or not you'd be able to hold on to it," she theorized. "What do you see?" she finally gave into her curiosity.
"Mostly reds, some orange…occasionally green or blue," he managed, making vague motions to people as they passed.
She nodded. "That's what I see too," she affirmed, even though she felt that perhaps it wasn't exactly the same.
"Have you noticed any other changes?" she asked almost hopefully.
He thought for a moment. Even though it felt as though the world was practically vibrating at some moments, he thought that he was still reeling from their last chakra exchange and figured it was just part of that. "Not that I've noticed so far," he shrugged.
She nodded and led him into a restaurant. "You know, one of these times, I'm going to have to cook for you. It seems that every time we're together, we go out to eat," she mused as they were shown to their table.
"That's because we're always too busy for nonsense like that," he dismissed even though part of him craved her cooking.
She giggled and sat down. She didn't even bother with menus, ordering for them from memory to save time.
As they sat, Gaara couldn't help looking around nervously, as though he felt someone watching them.
"What's the matter? You've hardly sat still since we got here," she pointed out.
"I keep expecting someone to say something to us. I mean, they've done plenty of staring," he grumbled.
She gave a gentle smile that won back his attention at least for a moment. "They will respond in their own time. I think they just want to make sure they know what they're seeing," she reasoned.
As they ate, he realized it wasn't just the staring that was making him so paranoid. "I don't know how you can stand it," he sighed, setting down his chopsticks.
"What's that?" she blinked curiously.
"It's like I can sense everyone in this room…It's like trying to listen to one person talking in a crowd of people," he complained.
She reached over and took his now free hand in her own. "I know. It does take some getting used to but as I said, I think the only reason you're sharing in that right now is because of the recent exchange. It'll probably wear off after a while if that's what you want."
Gaara frowned. "I don't know if I want it to stop. It's just a lot at once. How do you deal with it?" he asked curiously.
"Well…I don't know really. It didn't hit me all at once. For me, it was a gradual process. At first, it was only people who were close to me. That's why that aspect is still the most difficult for me to control. So, I should probably warn you that if you can sense others then they are probably more aware of you." She looked around and was pleased that did not seem to be the case. "I suggest, however, that it helps to find a focal point. One thing or person to focus your attention on, to use to block out the rest of the noise."
He nodded and tried that. It made sense and it seemed to help a great deal. Of course, he chose to focus on her, much to her delight. The rest of their meal was uneventful and they left shortly after.
"What about Baki?" she asked when she suddenly remembered him.
"What about him?" Gaara scoffed.
"Well, you know, I was just wondering about his role in all this," she mused.
"Ah, well, I didn't exactly ask him if I could come here, which is probably what will bother him the most, but I did leave him a note so that should work in my favor. More than anything, I think he'll just be really annoyed. If he and I agree on one thing it's that we both hate drama. I understand now that it had to be worked through for this to work but I'm not sure he'll feel the same way. But…as long as I don't make any waves for a while, he should calm down pretty quickly," he replied thoughtfully.
She nodded. "I know he doesn't really like me, not that he tries to hide it, so I'll try to do the same," she vowed.
Just then, someone appeared in front of them on the busy street. It was Jiraiya.
"Ugh," Gaara grumbled when he saw the old man. "Not him again."
Calixta quirked a curious eyebrow but wasn't allowed to ask what that meant because the white-haired man noticed them and was making his way through the crowd toward them.
"Can we just go? There's enough people here, I bet we could lose him pretty quickly," Gaara tried.
"It won't take long. He's already drunk," she noted. "And I know how to send him away without making him feel bad about it."
"Ah! Cali-chan! Gaara-kun!" he merrily greeted, throwing an arm around each of them only to find that they were far too short for him to lean on.
"Good evening, Master Jiraiya," she greeted with a mock-shy smile and a slight bow.
"I see Gaara found you. I'm happy to see that you've resolved your differences," he informed haughtily.
Gaara almost smiled but didn't say anything.
"Yes, we've managed to work things out. Actually," she put a hand up as though she was telling him a secret, even though she was speaking loud enough for anyone to hear. "We were just on our way back to my place after a celebration dinner," she informed with a wink.
Jiraiya laughed heartily and gave Gaara a too-enthusiastic pat on the back, making the small young man stumble forward with surprise. "Give'er hell, son," he winked and stumbled off.
"I'm not your son!" Gaara called after him angrily when he regained his footing.
Calixta simply giggled, took his arm, and brought him home. On their way he realized that, even though he wasn't trying to encourage or discourage the strange experiences he was having because of her, the effects over him seemed to be fading already. By morning, they would surely be gone.