Hellllllllllllllllllllllllo everyone how are you? Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates and have an amazing New Year! Thanks for the wonderful reviews!

Beautiful-Not-Hot: thank you for taking the time to update every chapter! You are amazing thankkkk youuuuu soo muchhh!

: you really wouldn't be liveng! when people figure that out we'll be all goode!

Disclaimer: I still don't own…Ally Carter does

On to me story ENJOY

When I got home I started thinking up ways to end my life.

I had never been good with loss. Once, when I was seven, my goldfish died and we flushed it down the toilet. I cried for three weeks about my goldfish until my dad brought me home a hamster to make me feel better. When I was nine we went on vacation and I forgot about him…he died. I cried like a baby every time I saw his cage. I refused to let my mom and dad take it out of my room for three months.

So when my father passed away I cried myself to sleep for a year. I was eleven years old and my daddy was takin away from me….it sucked…a lot. My mom shut down, she became numb and hollow and depressed. It took her a few years to even look me fully in the eye, but she did come around. She's better now, went to a therapist to help….I was left behind and my wounds have yet to heal. It still feels like yesterday that my dad walked through the door telling me good morning.

Part of me feels bad for leaving her all alone, but I know she'll be fine. She'll find other people to talk to, to hang out with, to love. She doesn't need me….she never had.

I was thinking about overdosing but I wouldn't be sure on one drug, and I can still survive that. I want the end of my life to only come once. I don't want to live after I decide to die; I want this to be it.

I could bleed out but that seems really painful and long, someone might catch me in time to save my life.

I could drown myself, but that scares me water filling my lungs until I can't breathe, that can't be pleasant. So that was out.

I was thinking of jumping off of the hospital parking garage. Yeah the parking garage would be perfect. Just six days left then I'll jump.

"Cammie," my mom said, "dinner."

"Coming." Six days til I get my out.

Hope you liked my story ummm please review and i get to meet my cousins boyfriend today…oooo

Anyone have a holiday story? If not aren't teddy grams awesome?