Summary: Less than a month ago, they saved the world from a hostile alien invasion (aka Loki's temper tantrum). Now they face their biggest challenge yet in getting their archer to realize he is worth saving before they lose him for good. Or how the Avengers became more than just a dysfunctional ticking time bomb.

Pairings: slight Clint/Natasha

Warnings: Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries! Also Natasha may be a bit OOC in this chapter but let's chalk it up to stress and being around equally probably OOC emo!Clint.

Disclaimer: If I owned anything having to with the Avengers I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad. I also don't own 30 Seconds to Mars or their wonderfully awesome song, Savior. Or Linkin Park (despite trying). So basically I own nothing but my bitter 20 year old cat.

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay. Real life and my job conspired to make sure this chapter wasn't done when I wanted. But on a bright side thanks to massive train delays these past two days this story is pretty much done. I have a few changes to make but the last part should hopefully be up this weekend.

Now that I know what I'm without

You can't just leave me

Breathe into me and make me real

Bring me to life

Wake me up inside

Wake me up inside

Call my name and save me from the dark

Bid my blood to run

Before I come undone

Save me from the nothing I've become

-Bring Me to Life, Evanescence

Love was for children. She wasn't lying when she said it to Loki. She meant it from the bottom of her heart. Love was an emotion that was meant to be eternal but it was fleeting at best. It was meant to be a positive emotion but how many atrocities were committed in the name of love? How many relationships ended in bitterness and pain because of love? Love wasn't an emotion that she held much faith in. What Natasha Romanoff felt for Clint Barton was very far from childish and so much more than love. He was ordered to take her out, put an arrow through her heart but instead he held out a hand to save her. That was a debt that she would never be able to pay back. She would owe him for the rest of her life. But Loki was also right. The debt was not the only reason she wanted –needed- him back.

Since the moment he brought her to SHIELD against the initial wishes of both Fury and Coulson, it was Clint and Natasha, the Hawk and the Spider. The two loners finally found someone to connect with. They finally found someone that could tolerate the millions of personality hang-ups and quirks that pushed so many others away. They were more than partners… they were family. Clint was as much a part of her world as the death and destruction she doled out easily. He was her best friend, sparring partner, venting source, sounding board, protector, burden, weakness, strength…. He was her everything. But now he was broken and she wasn't sure how to put the pieces together anymore. Fixing broken people was his thing. He knew the right words to say, the right things to do but she was only skilled at bringing death. She didn't know how to bring him back to life.

"He really likes these crazy ass things, huh?" Clint said, breaking her out of her thoughts. She knew he was aware of her following him. The man wasn't known as Hawkeye for nothing. She studied her partner and frowned at the drastic changes she saw. Gone was the brash, sometimes too cocky, grinning, insanely wonderful man that she held above all others. In his place was this empty, thin shell that she worried would break at any given moment. He was sitting in the windowsill that they affectionately called his nest. It was comprised mostly of blankets that she knew Tony left out there on his late night forays from the lab to his bedroom. There were pillows courtesy of both her and Bruce. There was even the Playful Penguin pillow pet that Bruce and Tony were scrambling to buy after they almost made Thor cry. Clint was holding the pillow pet in his hand with a confused look on his face.

"They make him happy," Natasha replied, shrugging lightly. She climbed up onto the sill, sitting beside him so that their legs were touching and her arm brushed against the bare skin his t-shirt left out. She knew that he liked to be up high because it allowed him to see everything but it also allowed him to keep the world at a distance. She was occasionally allowed to breach that void and at the moment she was glad she did. His current nest had a great view. The sun was just beginning to set and the city was starting to come alive. It was almost like a postcard.

"I'm sorry I missed this afternoon."

"It was a mistake," she assured him, leaning into his shoulder. "I know you'll never let it happen again."

"I let the team down."

"No, you didn't. The team is fine. We're all here and safe because you were able to make the shot. You stopped the latest scheme of the week. It's a good thing, Clint."

"Doesn't feel like a good thing," he whispered, looking down at his still trembling hands. She covered them with her own, willing them to stop shaking. Willing him to be able to pick up the pieces of his broken, damaged soul. "I called Phil yesterday."

Natasha tilted her head to the side, curiously. She knew for a fact that Clint hadn't spoken to Phil since Fury admitted to letting them all believe Coulson was dead in order to give them something to fight for. That was her glaring sign that something wasn't right, considering that Phil was the man that was responsible for pulling the barely adult Clint out of prison and offering him a chance to be something more. Phil Coulson did for Clint what he would later do for Natasha. He gave him a chance to use his skills for a greater good. Clint was as attached to Phil for that same reason and yet he didn't visit him during his long recovery. Natasha knew Phil didn't blame him for it. But that's because Phil knew how Clint's brain worked better than anyone (Clint included).

"What did you talk about?"

"Quitting," Clint answered, staring now at their joined hands. "I told him that I was thinking about leaving."

Natasha's breath caught in her throat. "The Avengers?" she asked, hope lingering in her tone. She liked the others. She really did. She finally found someone other than Clint that she connected with. She finally found someone other than Clint that she might actually say she cared about. It would hurt like hell to walk away from them but if Clint couldn't be there, neither could she.

"Yes... And SHIELD."

"You're leaving everything?" she whispered, gripping his hand.

He finally looked up and she was floored by the pain lingering in the pale blue eyes. She knew he was hurting since Loki but he was apparently getting better at putting up fronts. Even she didn't see just how much he was affected. She fell for his act. That just didn't seem right.

"I'm a liability, Nat."

"No," she hissed, taking her hands back and shifting so she was facing him. "You are not going to take what Steve said to heart. You know that he sometimes doesn't think before he speaks. I told you what he said to Tony. He called him worthless and we both know that's not true. Tony Stark is far from worthless and you are not a liability."

"But it's true for me," he insisted. His tone was desperate. It was almost as if he was trying to convince both of them. "I missed today! What if I miss again but then it's someone taking out Steve or Tony? What am I supposed to if me missing means that someone kills you? I can't live with that, Tasha. I can't."

"Fine, then I'm coming with you," she said, defiantly.

They were the Hawk and the Spider. They were not meant to be separated forever. Solo missions every once and a while were acceptable. Or rather they were acceptable, because the last time they were assigned separate missions, Clint got mind raped by an insanely bratty god with daddy/brother issues and starting spouting off about leaving her for good. He was lucky she let him go to the bathroom alone. Although she did have JARVIS monitoring his bathroom trips. It helped knowing she wasn't the only one. Tony also set it up so that the AI would alert him if Clint ever left the building without another Avenger. It was both disturbing and comforting that there was someone else out there that cared about him as much as she did.

"Tasha," Clint raked a hand through his blond spiky hair, a growl of frustration escaping his lips. "You can't come with me. You're better with the rest of the Avengers. I've seen you. You like them. You don't like anyone. But you like them."

"You do too," she countered. "I heard you this afternoon when Stark first when to get you. You almost sounded like yourself. You like Thor and Banner. You like the Hulk. Not many people like the Hulk. The Hulk doesn't like many people but he likes you. He cares about you just as much as you care about him."

Clint closed his eyes. "I do. I really do. I care about all of them. Even Steve. But that's why I have to go. I don't feel right, Nat. It's like everything that I used to be is gone. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know what I am anymore. But I do know that I don't trust myself. SHIELD doesn't trust me either."

"Screw SHIELD," Natasha snapped. "I trust you. Phil trusts you. Fury trusts you. The Avengers trust you. What the rest of the agency thinks is irrelevant. It never mattered to you before."

"Right, before I killed our coworkers. Before I let Loki go. Before I almost got Phil killed. You're right. It didn't matter before but it matters now. I can't be there anymore. They all look at me like they're just waiting for me to pull out an arrow and shoot someone in the face."

"Does Bruce look at you like that?"

"What?" the question was clearly not what he was expecting. "Uh, no?"

"Tony?"

"No."

"Thor? Steve?"

"No, where are you going with this, Natasha?"

"None of us look at you like that because we trust you," she lifted a hand to rest against his cheek. The soft touch prompted him to open his eyes. "I trust you, Clint. If you feel like this is not where you should be then we'll go where you need to be. But we go together."

Clint shook his head, not bothering to hide the wetness forming in his eyes. "I can't, Nat. I wish I could but I can't. I can't let you go with me. I can't let you be around me. It's not safe."

Natasha shook her head. "I'm not weak, Barton. I don't need you protecting me. I've been looking after myself for almost sixty years. I don't need you to take up that role. You're barely a child compared to me."

"Yes, you do, Tasha. You need this child to protect you from me. I know what Loki told you. I know what he wanted me to do. And if things had gone differently I would've done it. I would've killed you because he wanted me to. What's to stop the next mind controlling psycho from doing the same thing? I can't hurt you."

"What do you think leaving me will do? You leaving will hurt me too."

He raised a hand to mirror her position. His hand was warm against her cheek and she leaned into the touch almost desperately. "You have the others. They won't let you be alone. They'll stick to you like even more annoying versions of me. You'll miss me but you'll be ok. Like you said, you've been doing this on your own for almost sixty years. You can survive without me. But me? I can't survive losing you. I can't survive being the reason why you're gone. So I can't take the risk of staying. I can't hurt you, Tasha. I… you mean too much to me to let that happen."

Love was childish. It was petty and stupid. It made you weak. What she felt for Clint was more than love but at the root of it all, it was love. Love made you suffer. She was going to lose him. One way or another, she was going to lose him. If she let him go, she would never find him. He had much more training with disappearing than she did. He would vanish off the face of the earth. But if she kept him, if she made him stay, she would lose him all the same. He would fade away because he just didn't get it. He didn't see how none of this was his fault. She never hated something as much as she hated Loki for creating this unneeded burden of guilt and the other SHIELD agents that helped it to grow.

"What can I do? What I can do to get you to understand?" she whispered, leaning her head against his. "Why don't you see what I see?"

Clint shook his head gently, closing his eyes. "I wish I could."

They sat like that for what seemed like hours before she grew tired of that position. Wordlessly she climbed into his lap. He leaned back against the window, letting her curl into his body with her head resting on his shoulder. It was sharper than she remembered. He lost so much weight in the months since Loki's invasion. She was so blind for so long.

"Will you come back?" she asked, not bothering to lift her head. She could see his throat shift as he swallowed. "Will you come back for me?"

"Tasha….I"

"Please don't lie to me," she murmured against his shoulder.

"I don't know," he whispered, his arms wrapping around her. His face was buried in her hair. "I don't know."

She knew their position was hurting him further but she couldn't move. It seemed he felt the same. If this was the last time they were going to be together then she was going to enjoy the moment for all it was worth. She never imagined her life without Clint. She never thought a life without Clint was even possible. She always thought that if Clint were to be killed, she would die soon after. They were always together. Until a time when they couldn't be. She didn't know when he would leave but she knew it would be without fanfare. That wasn't Clint's style. He would slip out of their lives like a ghost and vanish without a trace.

She burrowed deeper into his chest, breathing in his scent. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right. This was not what she trained for. She was trained to forget emotion. She was trained to ignore things like feelings. But this man, this asshole, made her forget all of that. Clint was her weakness. And she didn't know how she was going to survive his leaving.

Light footsteps alerted her to the presence of another in the hallway. Ordinarily, she would've moved away from Clint long ago. She knew the others suspected something between them but were either too polite or too afraid to comment on it. Either way, she wasn't really in the habit of giving them a reason to question it further. But now she couldn't be bothered either way. She didn't care what they saw or thought. Besides, judging by the sureness of the steps, it was Bruce. He knew what the real story was anyway. There was no point in pretending when it came to him.

Natasha wanted to be surprised by the friendship between Clint and Bruce but she wasn't. Or at least she wasn't after a conversation with Phil. It seemed that their handler was expecting this from the beginning. Coulson knew that there was something about Bruce that would resonate with Clint and Tony. Both were lost, hiding behind snark, talent and a cocky attitude. She knew they would connect but Bruce was the grounding force. The voice of reason in the midst of their chaos. The one pulling them back from the ledge they both dangled over.

As she felt the leftover adrenaline drain from both the earlier battle and her conversation with Clint, Natasha could only hope that Bruce could get through to Clint. Hopefully he could make Clint see what they all saw: a good man. A good man that was a little damaged. But they all were. They were all damaged. They were all trying to hide from something or atone for something. They were six of the most dysfunctional individuals separately but together they made something beautiful. She wanted it to stay that way forever. She wanted Clint to be fixed so things could go back to the way they should've been.

With Clint and Tony driving everyone up the wall with their ridiculous pranks and sarcastic comments while also narrowly avoiding the science bros blowing things up. Steve would complain but secretly enjoy the madness. Thor would be Thor. Adorable and perfect and the truest definition of a king that Natasha ever saw. That's how it should've been. That's how it should be. But instead Clint was leaving. Thor was coping with his own grief through bizarre children's toys that should not exist. Tony was one good emotional shove away from a nervous breakdown on a good day. She didn't think that Clint leaving would be a good day. Bruce was trying to keep them all together. And Steve was just oblivious. It was all screwed up and she did not want this. She closed her eyes, burrowing further into Clint's willing embrace and closing her eyes.

When she woke up, she was going to force Thor to get her to Asgard. She didn't give a damn how damaged Loki was. She was going to make him bleed for what she did to them. After that she was going to grab a tub of ice cream and just be a brokenhearted girl, if only for a day. Then she would put her big girl pants back on, suck it up and hope that her world could keep spinning without her other half. She would try and move on….. On second thought, she was going to straight up murder the hell out of Loki and she was bringing the rest of the Avengers with her. Then she was going to hunt Clint down no matter where he was and drag his ass back. Yeah, that seemed so much better.

*Forget Thor, Natasha was hard to write. She may have seemed a little OOC. I apologize now. The final chapter will be up this weekend. *crossing my fingers*