'Cause I'm feeling like
I might need to be near you
And I feel alright, so please
Don't get me rescued ;;
It was such a shame that Charlie's timing had been so unfortunate. For once, Bella really felt as if she were making progress with Jasper. It was the most important thing to her to make him aware of the fact that she wasn't afraid of him, and more so, that she didn't possess any sort of hateful or negative emotions at all. She still had trouble digesting the fact that he wasn't blaming her and started to refute her words, but how could she be that hypocritical? She would be if she simply shook her head and ignored what he was telling her when she was so desperate for him to hear the same things coming from her own lips. When he was gone, Bella found herself feeling… disappointed. That was the best word to describe it. Already, she felt like some of the comfort that settled her heart was wavering. But she took comfort in his promise to stay close.
Jasper maintained that promise from then on out. She could count on him to look over her every night after the one in the meadow. It was always him who seemed to have volunteered to keep her safe and watch over the house by himself. The others stopped by too, of course. In fact, Bella made it a point to ask Carlisle once if he could be the one doing patrols himself or if he would send someone else specifically so that Jasper could hunt. She hadn't let up on her concerns for that, especially when Carlisle told her one time that to Jasper, it seemed like not hunting was another way to feel like he was punishing himself. Bella hated the very idea of that. He had nothing to blame himself for and certainly nothing to punish. She was glad that the rest of his family was behind the idea of him hunting and encouraged it. It seemed to have worked. More often than not, Jasper's eyes were golden to her as opposed to charcoal black.
He was becoming someone that she depended on. It felt strange when he wasn't there at night, sitting in her window with the pillow behind his head as she slept. It was constant, soothing, that someone was there both when she closed her eyes and when she awoke the next morning. More and more, it was becoming apparent that he was the last one to see before she slept; her dreams that involved Jasper became more frequent. Usually, it was the one she'd had the night after the meadow where the figure changed from Edward to Jasper and ultimately into Aro. Nightmares were still something she struggled with, but knew she always would. They just didn't seem quite so bad when she was assured of Jasper's safety whenever she awoke from them.
One Saturday, she'd been sitting at the kitchen table with Charlie, idly tracing her finger around her cereal bowl when she broke the comfortable silence between father and daughter.
"Dad, I want to go back to school."
Charlie nearly choked on his coffee at the unexpected outburst. He had started to assume that Bella wouldn't be ready to return for the remainder of the year, despite the fact that he really wished she would. He thought it would be good for her to finally get herself out of the house, something she hadn't done much of in months. Immediately that afternoon, Charlie took the steps needed to get everything organized so that she would be able to return to her classes. She was significantly behind, but the administration assured him that she would be able to catch up as best as she could and they would take steps to helping her along the way.
That Monday, the chief opened the door for her when she left, gently pulling on the sleeve of her jacket before she could. "Are you sure about this, Bells?" he asked, obvious concern written on both his tone and on his expression. Bella nodded. "I need to at least try to graduate, Dad," she said. "I promise I'll be fine."
It was strange how things had a way of working themselves out. The road to recovery was certainly a long one and Jasper had not nearly reached his destination yet. There were signs that he had gotten off to a start, though. For instance, it wasn't so much of an effort for him to function anymore. He wasn't crippled by his grief. He still had his moments of sorrow, moments when he missed Alice so much he could hardly stand it, but he was coping with it. There was a purpose in his life again. He felt useful. The circumstances weren't so great; Bella was in danger and there were newborns running wild not too far away. But this was something he knew he could handle. Jasper could protect Bella from this danger. He could do what Edward and Alice intended to do. Having a purpose gave him something to cling to and it was enabling him to feel as though he was slowly redeeming himself.
It also helped that he was actually enjoying himself in Bella's company. He'd been given the chance during his many nights watching over her to spend time in her presence. Usually he stayed inside her room and would talk with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes they didn't talk; she would read and he would keep a look out. But the awkward silences they once had were now very comfortable. Jasper didn't really find himself worrying about what he ought to say nearly as much as he once did. He still blamed himself for everything that happened, but it helped knowing that she didn't blame him. It made it easier to be around her and easier to relax... as much as someone like Jasper could relax.
When Bella announced she was ready to go back to school, Jasper thought that was a good idea. It would get her out of the house and minimize the threat of her being there should something happen during the day. Not only that, but it was good to know that she was getting back to some sort of normalcy. That showed him that she too was embarking in the healing process. The fact that she wanted to graduate from high school was a sign that she was wanting something for her life, which meant, she wanted a life. That was very good news.
Jasper "left" that morning to go get his car, which was parked on a neighboring street, to pick her up and take her to school. Her truck was perfectly fine (according to her, anyway), but he'd insisted. He wanted to be with her at all times in order to make sure she was protected, but the excuse they gave was that Carlisle had said it would be wise for Bella to stay out of the driver's seat for the time being. He promised Charlie that Jasper would get her to and from school without incident and that seemed to be good enough for the police chief. Jasper drove up on time and turned off the ignition to his car. He met her half way up to the house with a tiny smile.
"Good morning, Bella," he said, then looked up at Charlie. "Chief Swan." The two nodded to each other and then he looked down at Bella. "Shall we?"
"Bye, Dad," she said before looking up at Jasper and nodding.
Charlie stood by the door and watched, still unsure about this idea. Of course he was thrilled that Bella wanted to return to school; he really thought it would be a positive thing for her to hang out with people outside of the house for once again. But he still was worried about it, especially once Carlisle had spoken with him. The good doctor made valid points, but they weren't easy ones to swallow. There was a chance that Bella could take off as soon as she had the opportunity to do so. Who was to say that she would take a few steps forward only to run twenty steps back and retreat altogether. And so when Carlisle suggested Jasper's help, Charlie agreed. If he had his way, he would have dropped her off and picked her up himself, but that wasn't in his nature to hover too much and he knew Bella would never stand for that.
"Wow."
Bella was in awe of the car parked outside of her house. It was old-fashioned and incredibly stylish. If ever she were to pick out a car for Jasper, this would be it. It had his name written all over it.
"Pretty cool, Jas," she said as she opened the passenger side door.
She was almost afraid she would break it if she wasn't careful. Even if Bella didn't know much about cars at all, she figured this one probably cost more than her and Charlie's entire house. This was the first time she'd seen it and she wasn't surprised. It didn't seem like something that Jasper would have gone around school flaunting when he attended the year before. When she situated herself inside, she noted it smelled like fresh leather still, though she imagined it could have been decades old. It also, despite the fact that the top was down and thus the space wasn't as concentrated, smelled like Jasper.
It would have been a lie to say that Bella wasn't completely sold on the idea of returning to school. For one thing, she was behind. It would be difficult to catch up, but she wanted to make the best effort to do so. Leaning her head back against the seat, she closed her eyes and sighed.
"So what would it take for me to convince you to just drive past?" It had been her idea yes, but it was one that everyone supported. She couldn't let them all down. Especially Charlie. "You could just tell them you got lost driving there because it's been so long since you graduated. I would believe it," she said.
It was amazing how much easier it had become to not only talk to Jasper, but to be herself around him. The time he spent in her room since he'd started looking after her was definitely to blame for that. Bella was grateful though, whatever the reason.
Jasper didn't usually indulge in the finer things as much as his siblings seemed to enjoy doing. They went through fancy cars like kleenex. He'd only ever had this one car and it was one of the few expensive purchases he'd ever allotted for himself. He'd purchased it brand new and restored it over the years when it needed it. While the other cars in the Cullen garage were new and flashy, his still seemed to fit in with them. It was his car. He'd never had a desire to own a different one. He didn't drive it as often as he would have liked, because even though it was a classic, it actually probably was one of the most conspicuous cars in the Cullen garage. It definitely stood out, especially being a convertible. A convertible in Forks. But it wasn't cold out that day. There wasn't any sun, but the chill that was usually in the air was absent during this time of year. It wasn't too outlandish.
After parting from Charlie, Jasper walked her to the car, semi-amused by her reaction to seeing it. He realized she probably never had before. He meant to grab the door for her, but she actually managed to beat him to it. He did close it for her, though.
"It gets me from A to B." He moved over to the driver's side and sat down behind the wheel. "Has for the last fifty years, anyway," he added, now that they were out of earshot from Charlie. Jasper smirked at her, then started the car.
Its engine roared to life, but he made sure not to rev it too much in front of Charlie. He pulled away from the house and drove off carefully, waiting until they were at the end of the street to put on a little speed. He didn't drive too fast, though. Not as fast as he would have if he'd been alone or had the top up. With it down, he didn't want to whip her hair around too badly, and it would've been difficult to hear her talking.
"You want me to keep going on your first day back, Bella?" He asked, glancing over at her with one arched brow.
He could understand that. While he was glad she'd expressed an interest in going back to school, he didn't blame her for not actually wanting to go through with it.
"I suppose I could accidentally turn left instead of ri- whoops," he tsked at himself as he turned left at a stop sign instead of making a right turn as he'd intended to do. "Well, I'm sure they'd understand if you weren't quite there by the time the first bell rang."
He knew she didn't like being the center of attention, which is exactly what she would have been if he drove her up to the front of the school right when everyone was arriving. His car would get the attention first, then everyone would swarm upon her exiting the car. It no doubt would have been too much for her. The last thing she needed was a set back in her healing process. He didn't want going back to school to be more harm than good for her.
"How about I make sure you've been properly caffeinated this morning first, then we'll 'try to find' the school again?"
When Jasper made his small exclamation at his 'blunder', Bella opened her eyes again. He'd turned left. He'd turned left instead of right to take her to school. While she had been mainly joking when she suggested the idea, there was a part of Bella - quite a prominent part actually - that was dreading what would happen when she arrived. It was bad enough that she was the new kid at Forks High School the year before, but this would be like the entire process all over again and it would surely be a hundred times worse. Everyone knew what happened to Edward and Alice. Rather, they thought they did. What they knew was really the fake cover story. No one in Forks, aside from three people, two of which were in this car currently, knew the full story of what really happened.
Bella wasn't looking forward to being the center of attention again. She had never wanted to be in the first place, but this would be different. Everyone would be asking if she was doing all right, how she was coping, where she had been. Everyone would be staring and whispering as she walked by, feeling sorry for the poor girl from Arizona who'd somehow managed to snag a mysterious Cullen and woo him over, only to have him dump her in the fall before his death in the spring. The thought, which would soon be a reality, turned her stomach. But it was a reality that would take a little bit longer than she would have expected since Jasper indulged her half-hearted wish.
Her eyes widened when she looked over at him. Her expression was a mixture of both amusement and utter shock. She couldn't believe he was playing along with her and helping her avoid some of her worries and fears in the process. "
Really?" she asked, looking like something akin to a child on Christmas morning.
Bella wondered if anyone else would have done this for her. She couldn't help but to think that, in addition to Charlie saying no and that she was silly for even suggesting such a thing, that Edward would have said the very same and stressed the importance of being at school. The unexpectedness of Jasper's actions made her look at him differently.
At his suggestion for caffeine, she changed out her shocked look for a mock one of stoicism.
"Yes, that's very thoughtful of you, Jasper. It wouldn't do me much good to be too sleepy to stay awake in class on my first day back. Imagine what people would say," she said, grinning at him. Imagine what they would say indeed.
Jasper didn't exactly condone cutting classes or neglecting one's education but he knew that this was a delicate situation. Anything he could do to ease the transition for her to get back into a routine of some sort of normalcy, he'd do it. If it meant being tardy, that was fine. If necessary he'd go in with her and give the office attendant some sort of excuse on her behalf. He knew how long they had before a phone call would be made to her home inquiring where she was; they always waited a certain amount of time before checking on the absences. Jasper knew this because his attendance record was probably the worst of his family's when they enrolled in school. He still received the perfect grades expected of the Cullens, he just had such a hard time being around people that there were days when he'd either just not show up or he'd come in late in order to avoid the initial mass of students in the parking lot before classes began. If it was truly necessary he'd make an excuse that involved Carlisle should the office inquired about Bella's health.
For now, his priority was getting her some coffee. They couldn't go in anywhere for fear someone would see her and pass along to Charlie that Bella wasn't in school. That was one of the setbacks to living in a small town like Forks; everybody knew everybody and tight quarters led to few places one could retreat to if they didn't want to be seen or talked about. With Charlie being the Chief of police it made things even more sensitive. On top of that, everyone thought they knew about what happened to Edward and Alice, so there was probably a particular interest in everything Bella did and where she went right now. Her debut back in school was likely a hot topic already.
Jasper had a bit more leniency. While everyone whispered that the elusive Cullen children were together and no doubt had come to the correct conclusion that he was with Alice, the Cullens as a whole were generally left alone. Even though people were drawn to their inhuman beauty and charisma, they didn't often go out of their way to be accommodating or social. As much as they were pulled in, they were also incredibly intimidated; the only thing more nerve-racking than being spoken to by a Cullen was being rejected by one. Jasper was probably the most intimidating of them all with his piercing stare and often pained expression. They all had their points of intimidation, but Jasper seemed to have the least amount of interaction with anyone outside of the family. It wasn't uncommon for him to have heard whispers while they were in school or when they actually went out in public questioning how such a sweet, friendly girl like Alice could be with someone as aloof and reserved like him. Other than that, people typically left him alone and were either afraid of or admired him from afar as they did the rest of the Cullens.
It was good to see her grinning. He wasn't sure he'd seen her smiling like that at all since she came back. The closest to it was when she'd laughed at the sight of him in Charlie's clothes, but this was a bit different. He could feel the genuine happiness and relief coming from her, and it was expressed toward him. It was nice feeling; one that he'd probably keep with him for the majority of the day.
"I wouldn't be a proper body guard if I didn't make sure you were sustained by an artificial substance to get you through the boring and inaccurate history lessons you no doubt will have to sit through." He smirked to himself. "I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to speak up and correct teachers to tell them 'that's not actually how it happened' during their lectures."
Bella was happy that he understood the reasons she didn't want to go back without questioning them. She would have explained it to him if he'd asked of course, but it was nice that she didn't have to say it aloud. Bella never liked when she appeared weak and she would be the first one to admit that she certainly felt weak when she was faced with the situation of returning to school. It would be impossible to avoid the stares and whispers altogether, especially, she figured, in places like the cafeteria when there were larger groups of students assembled. It wasn't as if she were naïve to the fact that the entire town knew she was coming back. She just preferred not to actually witness their reactions to it.
As good as it might have felt to Jasper to see it, Bella felt just as good to be able to smile genuinely. It had been awhile. She had come close a couple of times and there were a million more when she had to fake a smile for Charlie or Jacob so the two of them weren't always on watch for another possible suicide attempt (even though the first one had been a misconception altogether) or great escape. But it was nice to relax enough to the point where she could feel something other than grief or else simply numb. Smiling was one indication that she was improving. A few weeks ago she would have laughed to hear someone say she would be able to possess a genuine smile. And that laugh, of course, would have been bitter.
One step further, Jasper managed to pry a laugh out of her as well that wasn't bitter at all. When he mentioned his thoughts in regard to the lessons in history, she was amused by the fact that he was probably right. She wondered what it would feel like to sit there and listen to lectures when you had personally witnessed a great deal of it throughout your lifetime. That couldn't happen to Bella – otherwise it wouldn't be called history. Not many exciting or groundbreaking wars happened in Bella's lifetime – at least, not in comparison to the major significant ones that happened in the past century. It occurred to her that she didn't know exactly how old Jasper was or what lessons he was mentally correcting in his head when he'd had to sit through class.
"And imagine how many times you've had to do that at new schools with new teachers," she said sympathetically.
Bella was still curious about his age though. What had he seen? Where had he been? She only knew that he and Alice met in Philadelphia and she knew exactly where to find him. Other than that he was still a mystery.
"How old are you?" she asked, leaning against the seat to study him. It was pointless though. He looked like he was a teenager to her and always would. She wasn't going to find any clues by staring at him now, even if she did it for hours upon hours.
"Actually," she added with a grin so he couldn't play on the words. She tried not to think of when Edward had done that.
It was rare that Jasper actually smiled. Even when he was happy, his expression was usually just more relaxed and calm, a little less severe looking. He would smirk, his lips tugging up more to one side than the other, but that wasn't the same as smiling. One would think that smiles would look a bit out of place on a face like his. However, when Jasper did smile, that thought would prove to be false. His smile would be the physical proof that he was more angel than demon, no matter what he believed about himself. Alice typically had been the only one to receive them, his family being the other recipient every now and then. He didn't think he would ever smile again, though part of him felt that there was some small shred of a possibility that it could happen one day. He just wasn't sure why.
Her question of his age amused him. The smallest chuckle started to surface in his throat, and very nearly came out. It was only stifled by him shaking his head. He did smirk though. She wanted a direct answer, leaving him no room to tease her with his supposed age. It was a legitimate question, and he'd opened the door for her to ask it by talking about history lessons. Jasper had no intention of divulging her into the heavy topic of his past, but he didn't mind sharing what he remembered of his human life.
"Just telling you would be too easy," he said. "I was changed just after I turned nineteen." He wasn't sure if she'd ever picked up on his soft, southern drawl. After so many decades of traveling and fitting in with the Cullens, he'd learned to hide it for appearances. But when he was relaxed, or without the need to blend, his southern roots would take hold and his melodious voice would resonate in its natural way.
The smirk still on his face, he turned to her again. "How old do you think I am?"
"Jasper, I didn't know you were a tease," Bella said with amusement.
It would be too easy just to tell her? So that meant it was a game of sorts. Bella wasn't really good at this sort of stuff. When she was looking at a person on the street or something, she would have trouble being able to guess their exact age. And that was assuming they weren't immortal like her driver in the present happened to be.
Taking a moment to think, she chewed on her lower lip in thought as she continued to stare him down. Again, there was no indication of how old he was in his face. It was flawless, unmarred and smooth. She did note, however, that his lips were fuller than she realized before. Kind of like her own. But while hers probably looked awkward with the top one just a bit fuller than the lower, Jasper's looked perfect like the rest of his features. Staring at his mouth definitely had no input on the task of figuring out how old he was. This would take careful thinking and maybe a little bit of deductive reasoning.
"Well let's see," she said, looking forward at the road and sitting back against the seat as she pondered the problem. "If I was going by this thing," she said, running her forefinger gently across the dashboard, "then you had to have been at least fond of the fifties." She thought it was around the time of the fifties anyway, if her memories of movies was still in working order. "But even if you were changed then, you'd still be pretty young…" she said, drifting off into thought. "And you seem old to me." She furrowed her brow for a moment, trying to pick up more clues, but a few seconds after she'd said it, she realized that her words could have been offensive.
"Not like you are or anything. Well… you are are." Are are? Bella could feel her cheeks start to blush at her mess of words. "Can't you just tell me?" she asked with a small groan, getting impatient. She was aware of the fact she sounded like an idiot.
If Jasper could have blushed, he would have. To anyone who didn't know him, it would be almost unthinkable that Jasper could be playful. It wasn't a side that surfaced often regardless, and especially not in recent months. Jasper hadn't felt like playing, being witty, or anything that could be regarded as being a "tease." He was feeling light this morning, though. It just sort of came out of him naturally.
"I guess everyone has their secrets."
He felt her eyes on him and could feel her curiosity. She was trying to figure him out and he made no move to distract her. He turned his attention back onto the road. They weren't really going anywhere. Jasper had driven by the drive-thru coffee shop three times already. While he didn't like being the focus of attention, he'd invited her to do so and he was also used to getting stared at. He tried to keep his smirking to a minimum, though it was getting increasingly difficult to do so.
Her reasoning was pretty logical. The fifties had been a very influential decade for him. The car had been an added bonus, but it was true he looked back on that time fondly. He'd married Alice at the turn of that decade and they'd met the Cullens by the end of that same year. He'd began to really pursue his life as a vegetarian vampire. A lot of those years had been difficult, almost unbearable. And during that time, he probably wouldn't have thought that after marrying Alice, the rest of that decade would be something he looked back on with fondness. But he did now, because he knew it was the beginning of a life where his pain wasn't what dominated his life. Bella didn't need to know about that right now, though.
He actually did chuckle when she said he seemed old. He supposed he did. Some of his mannerisms were still remnant of the nineteenth century. Even his penmanship, though she'd probably never seen it, looked more like calligraphy than the typical teenage boy's chicken scratch. She seemed a little miserable with not being able to guess his age, and to save her from any further frustration, he gave in with another soft laugh.
"I was fond of the fifties, yes," he said, his eyes still on the road. "But by the time they came around I was already well beyond the average lifespan of a human male." He stopped at a stop light, and turned so he could address her properly. "Currently, I'm pushing one hundred and sixty-three. I think I've aged well. Not as well as Carlisle, but we can't all be super model doctors."
Bella hadn't heard Jasper laugh very often and so when he seemed comfortable enough to do it now, she liked it. It was the same effect seeing her laugh had on him. It was strange, but at the same time, it was somehow familiar. Another one of those contradictions she kept feeling like she came across.
She was the one laughing when he told her his age and followed it up by cracking jokes. It was something else she hadn't expected of Jasper. Part of her felt badly for never giving him enough credit before. She'd judged him just like a lot of their peers probably did in high school – he was always stoic and serious, quiet and almost… constant in his mannerisms. But she had been very wrong as she was slowly learning. He was more light-hearted than she ever expected and he was also quite conversational. It was nice to have their talks when she was about to go to sleep, and she had a feeling that car rides like this one to school would provide more chances for them.
"You know you really don't look a day over one hundred and sixty," she said reaching over and playfully giving his arm a push. The gesture alone was indicative of how comfortable she felt with him. It was as if they were really friends now and as if they had been for quite some time.
Bella wasn't sure where he had planned to get coffee, but Forks wasn't that big of a town. In the short time they'd been driving, they'd already circled it more than once and he still hadn't slowed the car at all. Bella wasn't complaining in the least. She would take having these conversations any day in comparison to the alternative of being looked at like a freak at school. For that reason, she didn't point it out.
Jasper's lips curled into a grin. He couldn't really remember the last time his mood had been lifted this much. He wasn't feeling miserable. It almost felt abnormal because he was so used to being unhappy lately. Yet as abnormal as it was, it felt natural. It was a very strange contradiction that he would probably brood over later after he finally did drop her off at school, but until then he decided he just wanted to enjoy it for what it was.
"It's the hair. It gives me that whole, innocent boy edge." He passed a hand through his curls to mock-emphasize the point. Then he simply had to laugh at how absurd that was, since he knew he gave off a vibe that was anything but innocent.
It felt.. really good to laugh. Despite what he often put off about himself, Jasper was actually very conversational when he wanted to be. One of his most dominate traits as a human was the fact that he was very, very charismatic. He'd been a real charmer, and could talk his way in or out of almost any situation. That was how he'd managed to get into the army as a sixteen year old.
He took a quick glance at his watch and his grin lessened a little.
"All right. Let's get you caffeinated." He turned the corner and pulled into the coffee shop. "You should probably have a pastry too, for the sugar." He pulled in behind another car in the drive thru, where they'd have enough time to wait while she decided what she wanted. He scrunched his nose as the scent from inside the building reached his nostrils. It smelled horrible to him, but that was the way all human food smelled. "Anything you want. You deserve it for indulging me with your company and missing your first class."
"That must be it," Bella said, referencing his hair.
She could have seen how that would become a reason for people to think he was 'innocent' if they were to get that impression. The blonde curls gave him a boyish quality, but somehow, he didn't look at all childish with them. Instead, they made him look quite handsome, framed against his pale skin. Bella was definitely beginning to get glimpses of the charm he maintained as well. She imagined that if he wanted to, he could be very convincing with it. That must have been something to be proud of – the gift to make people do what you wanted them to do just being speaking persuasively. If Bella could do that, she would never have to worry about convincing Jasper he needed to hunt anymore. She wouldn't have to worry about a lot of things, come to think of it. When someone asked her if she was all right, she would just say yes and they would believe her instead of continuing to pry. She hated that.
"Oh yes," she said, nodding when they got to the line. "Caffeine and sugar together. You're going to send me to school bouncing off the walls," she said with a chuckle. Bella noticed the way his nose scrunched and she took it to mean that the smell was not something he enjoyed. On the other hand to her, it smelled almost heavenly. She'd eaten a bowl of cereal before she left that morning, but her stomach growled at the scent of the delicious sweets.
"Just a coffee with cream and sugar and a croissant please," she said gratefully. It was nice of him to treat her like that, especially when he said it was on account of the fact that she was stuck spending time with him.
As soon as he'd placed the order, she corrected him. "If anyone deserves something, it's you," she said. "Thank you for taking me to school," she said seriously. "Or you know, not taking me," she added with a grin at the corner of her lips.
She thanked him again when he picked up the order and handed it over to her. Bella nestled the bag with the pastry carefully in her lap and held onto the coffee with both hands. She planned to keep it until she actually got to school, not wanting to chance ruining his car by spilling anything. It was Bella after all. She wasn't exactly known for her grace.
"What are your plans today?" she asked conversationally as they headed to the high school.
Jasper chuckled lightly at the thought of Bella bouncing off the walls while she tried to sit through class. He ordered what she requested and pulled around, paid the person at the window after flashing a charming smile, then received her order. He handed it to her and then pulled back out onto the road. This time, he did head in the direction of the school. It was kind of a let down, as he found he would miss having her company nearby. He knew he was going to pick her up in a few hours, but filling that gap of time would be strange for him. After all, he'd been spending almost every day with Bella since that night at the meadow, only leaving when he had to go hunting.
"I'll probably go back to your house," he replied. "I don't want to leave it unattended for too long." He didn't want to bring up the somewhat frightening memory of having her room invaded by an unknown vampire, potentially killing their light mood. She'd asked, though, and that was the truth. "Emmett wanted to get a better feel of the property, so he might come by."
Jasper turned onto the road that would take him to the school. For some reason, he felt a lump of dread rising in his throat. He didn't want to send her off. Bella had become the focus of his attention. She was what was driving him to keep going. He liked protecting her and being useful. He had a purpose as long as he was with her, and that meant a lot to him. With her going off to school, he wouldn't be able to be near her and it bothered him. He suddenly wished his car was more inconspicuous so he could wait in the parking lot. At least he'd be close, in case she needed him.
Turning into the school, he set his jaw so as not to give away his sadness that their time together that morning had drawn to a close. "I'll be here to pick you up after school, but.." he hesitated, again, not wanting to bring up anything unpleasant but at the same time wanting to make sure she knew he would be there if she needed him. He stopped the car in front of the school.
"If being here becomes something that you don't want, just call. ..Here." He put the car in park, then leaned over to open the glove compartment. He pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen, then closed it and scrawled his cell phone number on it. "Call me and I'll come get you."
It was funny, but Bella was almost… jealous of Emmett. When Jasper pulled into the school, she started to think that this had been a very bad idea. Suddenly, she wished she had never suggested it, never allowed Charlie to make the calls to get her back into the schedule. She wanted to be the one spending the day with Jasper. She wanted to ask him to turn around and drive back to the house and the two of them could have sat in the kitchen when she had her coffee and pastry while Charlie remained blissfully unaware at work. Bella, for once, cursed herself for being a responsible person and coming to terms with the fact that she couldn't back out now, as much as the heavy weight in the pit of her stomach made her desire to.
Taking a deep breath, she let it out with a sigh. She could do this. She would be fine. Bella was stronger than this. She would be fine. It was a mantra she kept repeating to herself.
Watching as he wrote down his number, she thanked him after she took it and safely tucked it away in her jacket pocket. Collecting her pastry bag, coffee, and backpack, she balanced the three carefully and got out of the car.
"Thanks again for driving me, Jas," she said, giving him a brave smile. "Have fun with Emmett, but make sure you don't let him go rooting around my room. The last time he was over to keep watch, he threatened to download sick stuff on my computer." Smiling again, a bit more genuinely at the thought of Emmett's dirty mind, she gave Jasper a little wave and turned to face reality.
The had gone just about how Bella expected. There were hundreds of stares, dozens of whispers, and a lot of overcompensating. Mike Newton didn't leave her side in any of the classes her had with her. Jessica, too, seemed to be a lot nicer than she was the last time Bella had seen her before spring break. Because of how distant she had been in the fall, Jessica wasn't a big fan of Bella any longer. It seemed that had changed – or at least, it seemed that way on the surface. Bella realized that the majority of the people who were going out of their way to comfort her and make sure she was okay were just doing so to make themselves look better by appearing as good friends. Or else a couple of them were just hoping to get more information about Edward and Alice's death.
There were some, though, who genuinely cared. Angela met Bella in her second class – history, which caused the brunette to grin when she thought of Jasper – and enveloped her in a hug, whispering her excitement that her friend had decided to return to school and that she'd missed her. Bella had really missed Angela too. It was nice to be greeted with something other than condolences. Angela had given those too in the time after Edward's death, cards and sentiments that touched Bella's heart, even though it had been shredded to pieces. Each class, she had to meet with the teacher afterward for a few minutes to go over what work they expected her to catch up with. A few of them were lenient, a few were not. One who was not was the phys ed. teacher. Though that was one class that Bella didn't have to worry about making up lost ground in, she was not going to be excused from participating in any way.
After she had managed to skin her knees after tripping over one of the mock bases for baseball in the gym, the day finally ended. And it wasn't soon enough in her opinion. With Mike tagging at her side and chattering on about his weekend plans, Bella was only half paying attention as she walked out to look for Jasper. She couldn't wait to see him again and knowing that she was about to seemed to make her anxious.
But before she had a chance to glimpse his familiar face, another one stepped in front of her. "Heya, Bells!" Earning a surprised look from her and an annoyed look from Mike, stood Jacob Black.
As he said, Jasper went back to Bella's house after dropping her off at school. As always, he parked on a different street and walked over. Now that Charlie knew what his car looked like, he had to take extra care to keep it far out of sight so as to not draw any suspicion of him being in the house when he shouldn't be. Emmett had come by about an hour after Jasper got back. They roamed the property, then walked through the house together. It was nice having his brother there, and helped to pass the time while Bella was in school. She was never far from his thoughts, though.
After Emmett left, Jasper kept watch. He was always courteous when he stayed in her room, never poking around in any of her things or even engaging in the activities she'd expressed were okay for him to indulge in. He didn't read, he didn't relax, he didn't turn on her computer. All of these things were his preferred way to spend his leisure time, but Jasper had a responsibility to watch over her house, and he didn't want to stray from that. One stray glance and he might miss an impending threat.
Fortunately, time did pass, and he eventually found himself walking quickly to his car to drive back to the high school where Bella had spent her day. He drove much faster than he had that morning, cutting turns and weaving around traffic. He felt light hearted as he drew closer to the school building. Something about having Bella with him made him feel better. It was his protective nature, he knew, but he also felt like it was something more than that which he couldn't quite place. It was almost as if his heart would've sped up had it been beating.
He'd stopped just outside the parking lot to put the top down on his car, which took a little more time because he had to do it manually and with great care. As he got back into the car, preparing to pull into the parking lot, his light heartedness faded. It wasn't because of all the thumping heartbeats that were pounding in his ears, or the rush of emotions he felt from the students being excited that school was out for the day. It was the stench of dog that had been carried on a passing breeze that put him off. What the hell was the dog doing there? Jasper stepped a little harder on the gas pedal as he pulled into the parking lot right up to where Bella had come out.
That tool Mike Newton was with her. Jasper didn't know him personally but knew him through association. It was a small town, after all. His parents owned a store or something. He posed no threat. It was the dark haired boy who had for whatever reason shown up there that put Jasper on edge. He shut off the ignition to his car and got out, shutting the door and walking up to the scene that was unfolding in front of him. Jacob was saying something about taking Bella with him. Jasper did not like that at all. He'd tensed, his jaw set and his eyes slightly narrowed.
"Bella," he announced his presence, though that probably hadn't been necessary with his entrance being so abrupt. "Ready to go?"
Jasper's timing had been perfect. Or maybe it was imperfect. It depended on how one looked at the situation. Bella had been so eager to get out of the school and to see him, that she didn't assume there would be any complications on the way. Jake was a complication. It didn't matter if the two of them had never interacted between, or probably even met for that matter (as far as Bella knew). It was the fact that Jasper was a vampire and Jake was a wolf – they were made to hate the other. It seemed, just by one look on each of their faces that they were keeping up with this idea.
Poor Mike Newton. He knew when it was time to get out of there. In the classroom he might have had the upper hand simply on account of the fact that neither Jasper nor Jacob was able to be there. But when it came to outside, he immediately learned that he wouldn't win any battle between a model-like Cullen and a beefy kid from La Push.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," he said before making a hasty exit to his car where, like the rest of the kids that were assembled in the parking lot, were staring at the scene by the doors.
Bella nodded to him before fixating her gaze on Jasper. Immediately, she felt relieved, even though there was obvious tension surrounding the three of them. It was amazing how he seemed to have that effect, but Bella attributed it to the fact that she was so used to spending so much time with that, that it didn't seem right when he was gone for a significant period of time. Either way, she was glad he was back. So much so, that she nodded to him and grinned to assure him everything was all right before turning to address Jake.
"Jake… Jasper planned on picking me up today," she said softly. She didn't want to hurt him after all. He was still her best friend.
Jacob was still staring down the Cullen, trying to keep his cool but having a difficult time. Who was this clown? Why did he keep showing up when he wasn't wanted or needed? He didn't look that big to him. He was a skinny one. How hard would it be to tear his limbs apart one by-
"Jake?" Bella called again, tugging on his arm. He'd been so fixated on his bitter thoughts about attacking that blonde freak that he'd missed her calling him the first time. Looking back at her, he looked confused. "Tomorrow?" she said again. "We can hang out after school?"
At this, Jacob's expression changed altogether. Jasper didn't exist until he turned to give him a smug look. "Count on it, Bells. We'll hang all night."
Grinning at him, Bella agreed. She was eager to leave before anything bad could happen. "Ready when you are," she said to Jasper.
Mike Newton wasn't even worth watching as he walked off to no doubt go sulk. Jasper could feel his sense of defeat and that was enough for him. It wasn't as if he posed a real threat to Bella anyway, except perhaps a minor annoyance. Jacob Black was who Jasper was mostly concerned with. He didn't know him from the next dog he might meet, but he did know that he had a thing for Bella. He could feel it radiating off him in all directions and it made Jasper sick to his stomach. He reasoned that it was a combination of his natural born hatred towards werewolves and the fact that his motives seemed nothing but completely selfish. Yes, those were the reasons. Nothing else. It had nothing to do with the pull from his own heart.
The fact that Bella had just made plans with him was also a bit unsettling. Jasper didn't like that idea at all. Not just because he hated dogs, but because if she went to the reservation where Jacob lived, Jasper couldn't follow her. He would be forced to pace the border dividing their territory until she came back, and he knew it would drive him nuts. Did that dog have any idea of the potential danger Bella was in? He probably didn't care. Over confident mutt probably thought he knew everything there was to know about vampires when his knowledge was probably extremely biased and inaccurate at that. Jasper wanted to say something. He wanted to snap his teeth at Jacob and remind him that while the dark haired boy had to phase into a beast to even remotely pose a threat to him, Jasper needed nothing but himself to tear him apart. All he had to do was bite him once and his lethal venom would do the trick.
Words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted so badly to retort with the fact that he'd see Bella back in her room when she returned home, but, he didn't. First of all, petty throw outs like that showed a lack of confidence. Apparently Jacob felt he had to make it known that he could hold Bella's attention for several hours at a time. Bella was not an object to Jasper, and he would not speak of her in such a way. The other reason? She wasn't his. Jasper did not have any sort of tie to her in that regard. They had become friends, and had gotten considerably closer over the last several weeks, but she did not owe him anything. She could do as she pleased. He just hoped that she would exude caution. That didn't mean this didn't bother him.
Jasper just sent Jacob another look of warning and very faintly curled his lips back in a slight snarl as he turned towards the car. As soon as his back was turned the expression was gone, returning to one of stoicism. He opened the door for Bella and allowed her to get in, then moved to the driver's seat, turned on the car, and peeled out of the parking lot without looking back.
When Bella was situated in the front seat and Jasper had pulled away, she turned to look over at him. For a moment, she debated on whether or not she should say anything about Jacob being there. She hadn't expected that to transpire when she came out of the building and she definitely didn't expect to see Jasper have such a problem with it. Well, she was making an assumption that he had something of a problem with it. Judging by the expression she'd caught on his face when he faced Jake was a pretty big clue.
Finally, she decided she should open her mouth. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Bella was genuinely concerned about him. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable. She feared she might have in some way, shape, or form and now she worried over it. The last time Jasper was not at ease with her, he left for weeks. Granted, that had been an extremely emotional time for him, but it was still something that occurred because of her. Since then – or rather, since he came to find her in the meadow – Bella had become obsessed with keeping him calm. She'd kept her word about asking him whether or not he'd hunted recently and because of his eye shade, she could always tell when he had or hadn't. But aside from that, she tried to be whatever he needed – a friend, someone to talk or listen to, just another body in the room so that he wouldn't feel like he was completely alone. She didn't want to jeopardize that and so her concern was warranted.
Jasper had to be careful not to grip the steering wheel too hard. There was a chance he could break it, and his car did not deserve his wrath. Jacob's neck might have, but not his precious Annabelle - the name he'd given to his car. He had to calm down about this. He did not want to upset or worry Bella and that seemed to be exactly what he was doing. He could feel her concern, which seemed to almost feel like guilt. Had she thought she'd done something wrong? Jasper silently cursed himself. He hadn't meant to make her feel bad. He was just worried and he didn't know how to make right of this situation. The hatred between the wolves and his own kind complicated everything, and it made things difficult that Bella had gotten unknowingly mixed up between the two species. He really didn't know what to do except try to calm himself down as much as possible.
"Yes, of course," he replied, trying to sound as 'okay' as he could. He felt terrible for causing her any worry. She shouldn't have to stress any over something between his kind and the dogs. She had enough looming over her without adding that to it. Jasper loosened his grip on the steering wheel and used a bit of his power on himself. It was just like putting a band-aid on a wound.
...At that thought, he was suddenly very aware of a strong scent right next to him. "Did you hurt yourself today?"Jasper didn't know she'd scraped her knees, but her scent was particularly strong. She wasn't bleeding anymore, but he could tell that she had. It made him very, very apprehensive about being in the car with her, and he'd just calmed himself down.
His throat burned. It burned badly, but somehow, he was keeping it under control. Perhaps because there was no blood spilling from whatever injury she'd sustained, or maybe he was just still so angry about Jacob that it was overpowering it. He had just hunted, so his thirst wasn't at its worst, but that didn't mean this wasn't a very risky situation.
Bella didn't know if she was fully convinced that he was all right, but she tried to trust him. If he claimed that he was fine, then she wouldn't press the issue. Still, she tucked the memory of the confrontation in the back of her mind and told herself to remain aware of it. Hopefully, that would have been the last time the two of them encountered one another in such close proximity, but somehow, Bella really doubted that. Jasper was over every single day – and night – and Jacob was bound to cross his path every so often.
She couldn't think about it at all when Jasper asked if she'd somehow hurt herself earlier. Immediately she recalled her mishap in gym class. Clapping her hands over her knees which were further concealed by her jeans, her eyes widened. "Yes," she said. "I… I tripped in gym," she said.
Bella held her hands so tightly against the fabric that it burned, as panic started to rise within her. She didn't even think about that when she'd gotten in the car. How could she have been so stupid to forget? All it had taken last time was one little drop of her blood from a paper cut. Just one tiny drop.
"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "I… I didn't think about it. I'm… I'll get out of the car, Jasper. Just slow down," she said. What else could she have done? This had the potential to be disastrous. Worse than that – Fatal.
She hated that she was fearing him, but she couldn't help it. A flashback of her birthday party crossed through her mind. It wasn't that Bella didn't trust Jasper – she did. But it was in his nature to hunt and she was currently the wounded prey. Though she wanted to think she had some kind of idea about the struggle he would have to wage with himself not to act on his thirst, she couldn't even begin to comprehend it.
"I can go back," she said. "I'll walk." Her voice almost sounded like it was pleading.
There were moments in time when Jasper absolutely hated himself. This was one of them. He hated being weak, and that was exactly what he was when it came to his thirst. He hated that after all this time, he still struggled with it no matter how hard he tried to keep it under control. It was so disheartening whenever it flared up because he knew it was just his weakness. Carlisle always told him to give it time, and that he was to be commended for the progress he'd made given the way he was raised, but Jasper was so critical of himself that he never praised himself for his efforts. It wasn't enough. Apparently it would never be enough.
Bella's fear wrapped around him and it felt like he was being suffocated. He was a monster, and he knew that. But it was entirely different when someone else felt that way too. And while Bella might deny it up and down, her fear spoke for itself. He didn't blame her for it one bit. He'd nearly killed her before. What was to say he wouldn't turn on her in the car now and feast on the blood he'd missed out on once before. Maybe this was too much for him. He'd been enjoying Bella's company more than he even realized, but maybe he wasn't ready for it. Who was he kidding? He was the weakest link in the Cullen chain, and he always would be.
"N-No, that won't be necessary," he replied. "If you can just stay still, I can get you home. The top is down, and I can stop breathing."
If the wind kept blowing and he shut off his oxygen, he should be able to get to her house. He wouldn't be able to go in with her right away, but he'd wait until she had the time to clean her scrapes and bandage them. That is, if she still wanted him around. He wasn't going to make assumptions. He'd just wait outside until Carlisle could come.
"Unless you'd prefer I pull over. I understand, believe me."
Bella was afraid, yes. But he was misinterpreting all of her fear. She was afraid of what he would think of her after this. How could she have been so careless? She should have thought about her previous injuries right away, not waited until his senses clued him into the fact that something happened earlier that wouldn't bode well for the two of them now. What would this mean? She didn't doubt him when he said he would be able to get her home without incident. Bella had been telling the truth when she said she trusted him.
But what would happen once they got there? What would happen once her cuts were cleaned and taken care of? Would he be too worried about the potential downfall that could have been engaged if he didn't control his thirst? Would Jasper be too fearful that he could hurt her that he would distance himself? The thought made Bella sick to her stomach. It had been bad enough when she drove him away unintentionally before by telling the truth. But it wouldn't compare to how it would feel now. The two of them had gotten significantly closer in the time that lapsed since the day in the cemetery. Bella wasn't ready to give that up – She wasn't even ready to entertain the possibility of it. But it became apparent that she might have to.
This wasn't doing anything positive for her emotions, or the way that they were being portrayed to him. "I'm fine," she said, not wanting to get out of the car even though it probably would have been the best option for both of them. She bit her lip and stared forward at the road the entire rest of the way to her house. All the while, her hands were secured to her knees. She would gladly endure the sting from the cuts if it meant she didn't have to endure the sting of losing Jasper. That would be a hell of a lot more than just a scraped knee.
As soon as he pulled up to the house, Bella jumped out of the car. "I'll be back," she promised. "I'll take care of it." She didn't bother to even grab her backpack. What Bella did manage, was to pause near the door of her house to face him.
"Please don't leave," she pleaded back to him. It wasn't a shout, but he would be able to hear it.
Jasper cut off the flow of oxygen to his lungs and looked forward, trying as hard as he possibly could to focus on driving, the number of cars they passed, counting stop lights, anything he could to keep his mind off the burning in his throat. It was incredibly difficult, when every natural instinct in his body was telling him to kill. He was a predator, she was the prey. It didn't take much logic to figure that out. He just needed to get her to the house. If he could do that without incident, he'd feel some better.
She was scared and worrying, and it was making Jasper anxious. He couldn't take the time to try to calm her, because all he could do was try to distract himself from her. His grip on the steering wheel was tighter than ever, and he was driving a bit faster than he would've normally with her in the car. Once they got to her house, he said nothing as she assured him she'd take care of it and clean the wound. He couldn't chance taking in oxygen at the moment. Not until she was inside the house. It did make him feel a little better when she asked him not to leave. Though, that could've been attributed to guilt.
He was torn with whether or not to call Carlisle. Jasper didn't know if he'd be able to handle this. Even if she cleaned the wound, there was still a chance he could hurt her. What was he to do? He didn't want to leave, but he also felt compelled to for her sake. He felt horrible for putting her in such an uncomfortable and anxiety-filled situation. Guilt was overwhelming him. Jasper hated this side of himself. He hated what he was, and hated the thirst. He hated his weakness. He did get out of the car, however, and took her backpack up to the door. Jasper then moved to lean against one of the trees in the yard. He wouldn't leave yet, as she'd asked him not to. But he couldn't guarantee he'd be able to stay. It would be touch and go, depending on how badly her scent affected him when she reemerged from he house.
A sigh left Bella's lips when she closed the door behind her. Leaning back against it, she closed her eyes, banging her head back to give her foolishness a physical form. There was no telling whether or not Jasper would end up listening to her and staying. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would be devastated if he didn't take her meek plea to stay into consideration. One thing was for certain – she wouldn't know if she continued to just stand there. Her knees stung as she hurried up the steps. She had to be careful and do a good job of cleaning herself up, she knew. But she also couldn't help but to feel rushed to do so.
Unbuttoning her jeans, she pushed them down her hips and stepped out of them. Standing on her toes, she fished around in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom until she found what she needed. Closing the toilet seat, she sat down and propping her feet up on the bathtub, she examined the damaged. The cuts weren't really that bad. They would bruise more than anything and had already started to color slightly. One of them started bleeding again, no doubt from the pressure she'd applied to them so tightly with her fingers as well as the friction with the material of her jeans. Unscrewing the cap in the hydrogen peroxide, she poured some into wad of cotton. It burned and Bella hissed when she cleaned it. It didn't help that she'd used an exceptional amount. She thought that it might have been able to help with the scent. If she used enough and the smell of the peroxide was strong, it would hopefully mask the scent of blood better. It hurt. But, gritting her teeth, she cleaned both knees, sure to erase any traces of blood, before putting band-aids on both of them. Surveying them closely, she decided that that was the best she could have done.
She flushed the dirty cotton down the toilet, getting rid of it entirely. Her heart, she noticed then, was pounding with nerves. What ifhe left? She started for the stairs again and groaned in frustration when she noticed she was missing something. Doubling back to her room, she pulled open her drawers and fished out a pair of shorts. She started to step into them when she decided against it. Pants would be better. It would be another shield against the wound. Groaning again, her anxiety rose with the more time she wasted. The only pants she could find that were closest were a pair of pajama bottoms. She didn't care if they were old and faded and that it was the middle of the afternoon. Pulling them on, she hurried back down the steps, clutching onto the railing for dear life. All she needed was to trip again and cause a bigger accident. Jasper definitely would have been long gone if that was the case.
It was like someone dowsed her with a cool splash of water to sooth her heated nerves when she saw him leaning against that tree. A sigh of relief left her mouth and she closed her eyes to calm herself for a moment, settling down with the assurance he was still there. Upon opening them, she approached him slowly, barefoot and all.
"They're fixed now," she said to reassure him. "Are you… How are you feeling?" She wanted to close the distance between them further, but Bella hesitated, not wanting to overwhelm him.
Waiting for her to come back, Jasper suddenly felt as though he was aware of time. It wasn't a concept that vampires grasped onto very often, but he seemed to sense each minute as it ticked by. He was nervous, and with good reason. He was terrified he was going to slip up and harm her, kill her. He didn't think he'd be able to take that. He wouldn't go to the lengths Edward did to try to kill himself. He'd just light a fire and end it all himself. But he was trying not to think of those horrible things. Instead he just kept reciting the alphabet and as many words as he could in the different languages to distract himself.
He could feel her anxiety still, and knew she must have been running around the house trying to fix herself up. Her heartbeat was going rampant, which didn't do much to help soothe his nerves, but he knew that wasn't something she could help. He just had to endure this, and he would do his best to withstand the pain and temptation. He would withstand it. He had to. There was this intense desire to protect her that resonated within him, and he thought that it might even be strong enough to contend with his thirst. It certainly had come into play while they were in the car, and it was doing so now as well.
As she came out of the house again, Jasper looked up. Her heartbeat was still pounding, but it wasn't quite as bad as it had been. She seemed a little bit calmer, but he could still sense her fear and nerves. She'd settled down a little, which was good. There was a very strong scent of peroxide. It wasn't as potent as her blood, but it did take away from it. Jasper didn't feel much of an urge to lunge on her anymore, at least.
"Better," he replied honestly. "Except.." he looked down at the ground. "That shouldn't have happened. I'm.. ..so sorry. There's no excuse and you don't have to accept my apology. I just needed to make it."
Another sigh of relief when he said he was feeling better. She took that as the opportunity to step closer to him, especially when he went so far as to apologize. Bella needed to contradict that right away before he could convince himself to believe things that weren't true. "No, Jasper, please," she said. "You don't have anything to apologize for. I should have stopped to think instead of being a complete idiot and getting in the car," she said. "Really, don't be sorry. I'm sorry."
It seemed like they'd had this conversation before. Maybe they would have a similar one a thousand more times before either of them just accepted the fact that the other one would always hold the same guilt as they did.
"Do you want to come in?" she asked, nodding her head toward the door. She didn't want to pressure him, especially if he thought that he still wasn't ready to be close to her after he'd struggled with his thirst, but she also wanted to assure him that she wanted him there. There were a lot of things she wanted to sat him in order to do that – Bella wouldn't mind if she had to spend the entire night trying to convince him that she wasn't afraid for all the reasons he may have thought.
Jasper felt he had everything to be sorry for. They seemed to play this game more often than not. They hadn't for a while; not since they'd started getting closer to each other and enjoying each other's company more. However, now that they had been faced with one of the hardships that came along with the territory, the apologizing and the guilt had commenced. The two of them would blame themselves regardless of what the other said, it seemed.
"I think we will have to agree to disagree on the matter. I don't believe you have anything to be sorry for, either."
As she asked if he wanted to go in, Jasper almost felt like turning to hold onto the tree or retreating back to his car. Of course he wanted to go inside. He wanted to go in with her and have things go back to what had become normal for them; spending the evenings together and then him sitting with her as she slept. He didn't want to think about tomorrow when she'd go to see the dog. It would just make him upset. He wanted to focus on the now, but was it a good idea for him to go with her? What if her wound reopened? There was no one there to stop him if he lunged at her. It would be completely irresponsible of him to follow her now.
"All right," he said, anyway. He'd listened to his heart instead of his head. It was a decision he silently prayed he wouldn't regret.
Bella wondered how many times she'd left her heart lead instead of her head. While she had a fairly sturdy one on her shoulders, she recently started leading with her heart. Ever since she'd come to Forks, it seemed that had been the case. If Bella had ever thought logically, she would have listened to Edward the first time he told her that they shouldn't be friends. When she found out the secret about him and his family, she would have turned her back and never looked back for a second. But she didn't. She had listened to her heart. Of course, when one listened to their heart as opposed to any other force, there was always the easy chance that it could be broken when things didn't go according to plan. That had been what happened to her when Edward left. That had been what happened to her when Edward died. She knew it was the same for Jasper in regard to Alice's death. How could one so easily dip back into feeling things instead of thinking them through after such a tragedy?
But it was because of her feelings that Bella felt so close to Jasper now. Again, if she had listened to her head, she probably wouldn't have been. She would still be keeping her emotions bottled inside of her like a tightly wound screw waiting to be unleashed. Instead, because of him, she had long since allowed herself to hit rock bottom and from there, learn to pick herself back up. Granted, picking herself back up was a lot easier when she had a support system named Jasper.
Now was another time when she probably should have been taking a step back to think through her invitation into the house after they had a near-death incident. But she couldn't find herself being anything other than pleased when he agreed to come inside. Yes, there was danger. There probably always would be. He could turn on her any second. She could have an accident just as easily as she did on her birthday and nature would takes it course to end her life by his hand. He was designed for that. She would never blame him for that. All of these reasons why she should have just said she would see him another time and that he should send someone else to guard the house. And yet, she ignored them all.
It was a risk that Bella was willing to take.
Author's Note: Hope you guys liked the chapter! All we will say about the next one is that you will definitely enjoy it. ;) Please review, follow, and favorite! Cheers.
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