Of chaos and dreams.
That night, Egwene entered Tel'aran'rhiod for the first time in over a week. She did not walk the Dream often anymore since she had been taken, had avoided the Dream fearing to meet the Wise Ones. She did not want to meet Amys, Bair or Melaine. While she doubted the Wise Ones had any way of detecting the turning directly, these three were far too perceptive.
She entered the World of Dreams in the Two Rivers. Usually she appeared in her own bedroom, then thought herself to wherever it was she wanted to go. To appear here immediately showed how strongly she had thought of her old home, after hearing of the destruction of Caemlyn and so many other places in Andor and everywhere on the continent.
And Perrin. As much as of her home, she had been thinking of Perrin. She was standing not in front of the inn, her own home, but near the smithy, the place where he most often could be found in the year before they had left Emond's Field.
She was shocked by the state of the village. The last time she had been here, the village had grown, with many new houses, some even with slated roofs rather than thatch, in spite of the war the village had done well. Or because of it, for from what she heard many of the new arrivals had been refugees from places where the war had hit harder even back then.
Now, half the houses, old and new alike, were burned down, others still stood but had doors and shutters missing. Abandoned furniture and clothing lay in the muddy streets, which sported not a single fresh footprint. Was anyone left here? It didn't look that way, but because there were no people nor domesticated animals in the World of Dreams, any place could look eerily silent. It was hard to tell if some would still be holed up in the real world.
It was clear there would be no harvest, even if some had remained behind hoping to bring it in. All vegetation Egwene saw was sickly and brown, as bad as she had seen in the Waste, and even if any of the twisted plants would bear fruit, it would not be suited for human consumption. Seeing Emond's Field in this state made her sick. She had read the reports that Sheriam still shared with her, and she knew that her old village was no exception, but she had held hope that its secluded location had protected the Two Rivers after all the Great Lord had hunted were gone from there.
Yes, gone, never to return, and she had helped. That still felt unreal, as a bad dream. Ever since Perrin had been killed, no ever since she had written the letter that led him to his death, had he been in her thoughts. She knew it happened in any war, people from the same village who ended up on different sides, brothers fighting in opposing armies, such things were common in books and she had read about actual cases in the reports she had studied in recent months, when she had thought she would be the one to lead the White Tower into the Last Battle.
But she had never thought it would happen to her. They were such a small, close-knit village, where everyone was on the same side, even the Congars and the Coplins she did not really suspect to be Friends of the Dark at the time.
Now she doubted those certainties of her youth. If people like Sheriam, Larissa, Dawn, Marillin, Miyasi, Evanellein, Dagdara and all the others could be Black Ajah, who was to say none of her old friends was a Friend of the Dark? Or rather, she was willing to bet some _were_, old blood of Manetheren or not.
Whoever they were, it didn't look like they had been high enough to make the Trollocs spare their house or to keep the Blight-like disease from their crops. Egwene wandered through the depressing scenery until she was inevitably drawn towards the small hill just outside the town. The hill where all of Perrin's family was buried.
The graves themselves were untouched by the violence, but the vegetation was not spared. She looked at the names on the markers, all the way down to the smallest one of little Paet. It didn't look like Perrin had been buried here with them, he likely had found his grave at the site of his army's camp. She sat down in the brown, withered grass and lost herself in thought.
"So you can still come here. Do they not control your dreams too?"
Egwene jumped up, no, she _was_ up, instantly standing on her feet and turning around as she thought it so.
"Perrin!" she said breathlessly. So as a Wolfbrother, he walked the Dream now. They should have thought of that possibility! Relief and fear vied for first place inside her, relief at seeing him here with at least this much of a life, and fear for what he might remember.
"You startled me," she added as he remained silent, watching her.
"You shouldn't let your guard down so much, or do you no longer fear those who may sneak up on you here?" Perrin asked.
"What do you mean?" Egwene asked, biding for time.
"What is going on at the White Tower, Egwene?" Perrin asked.
"It was the Black Ajah."
Perrin looked sceptical. "I saw you there. I know of compulsion, do they hold you when you are awake?"
"I was not even there at the time. We pieced together some of what happened, from those who saw you arrive, but we do not know all. What do you remember?" Egwene asked back.
Perrin hesitated. Egwene could see he did not trust her completely, but their life-long close relationship won out.
"I don't remember that much, to be honest. I arrived at Tar Valon, the Keeper, Sheriam, met me there and led me into the Tower. She seemd nice enough, but she must have been in it. We got to your Study, and there were you at your desk, and an Accepted. That was all I remember, until I woke up here and found I could not return to my body."
"Sheriam was with me, we were in a meeting with some of the Asha'man. The Black must have known we were gone from the Tower, I had underestimated them and never thought them to be that bold, or I would have taken measures to prevent such a thing," Egwene improvised. She forced herself to keep her face straight, her breathing completely even.
"Prevent it how? If anyone can take on anyone's appearance, how can one still know whom to trust? How do I even know I am speaking with you instead of a Black sister?" Perrin shot back.
"You, Mat and Rand threw me and Bode with water on Sunday when I was seven years old, only Mat slipped and his full bucket ended up soaking you. No Black sister could know that," Egwene said.
Perrin nodded, but wasn't distracted. "So it is you. I did not really doubt it, a Black could not have copied your stance, your entire being so closely. But now, my other question."
"Those who can channel can detect the weaves, they can be hidden from the eye but not from touch. We knew the Black had impersonated Sheriam, some people saw her with you while she was in fact with me. I did not know someone had posed as me too, or even that the attack took place in my study, for you were seen to leave and your body was found elsewhere. Are you sure that was where it happened?"
"I have never died before, Egwene," Perrin said irritably. "I know these are my last memories, maybe they used some form of mind control on me and I can not recall it. Does one remember what happens when under compulsion?"
"No, generally one is told to forget," Egwene said, looking pensive. "They may even have given you a whole different memory of those last moments. You weren't seen after the first hallway, in fact I think it likely you were not even really taken to my study. There would be a higher chance of running into other sisters there."
Egwene came up with the lies and half-truths easily now, so easily it scared her. First she'd had to lie to Rand, now to Perrin. At least Rand still lived. She didn't know if he would be allowed to live past the Final Battle, but he could channel, could be turned. Perrin was dead, killed with her help, and now confined to this depopulated mirror world. But she'd had to do it, for all those in the White Tower, which she still felt protective about, as if it were still truly hers.
Perrin squinted his eyes, the yellow making the gesture eerie, even to Egwene. He was silent for a long moment before he shook his head and spoke.
"I don't know what to believe. I want to trust you, but so much has happened, I'm just not completely sure." He shook his head and sighed in frustration. "I can't do anything about it anyhow. Not anymore. There are... rules. I really should not even be talking to you. I hope to the Light you are speaking the truth. Go carefully, Egwene, and remember the fate of the world may depend on you and the White Tower."
With that, he turned and disappeared, before Egwene could even start to reply.
-0-
With pain in her heart, Egwene returned to her own body. Gawyn was by her side. Had he needed little sleep before, since she held his bond he seemed to make do with his Warder strength alone. He looked at her with concern in his eyes.
"Perrin walks the World of Dreams," Egwene said with a sigh, and only then she considered whether telling Gawyn was a good idea or not. She let out another sigh, even here in her own rooms, with her own Warder, she could not let down her guard.
"Isn't that good news?" Gawyn asked. "Why are you so anxious and sad?"
"He can not truly help from there. It will be worse for him just to be confined there and watch, whatever happens here," she replied. She used a light compulsion to push the half-lie home, as some of the Green had shown her. It hurt to have to lie to Gawyn, almost as much as it hurt to lie to Perrin, but it couldn't be helped. And she had to send him away so she could warn Mesaana and Sheriam.
"Would you go to the kitchens and have them make me some foxtail and marisin tea?" she asked. "Nynaeve should still have some."
That should keep him out of the way for a little while, that particular tea had to brew for some fifteen minutes at least. And she might genuinely need it after what she had to do. Would Mesaana try to go after Perrin in Tel'aran'rhiod too? She had to warn the Chosen, to hold back was to risk the lives of so many more. Trying to suppress the apprehension she felt, she channeled into the Call rod, warning Mesaana and Sheriam.
Sheriam was the first to arrive, Mesaana came in moments later.
"Perrin walks Tel'aran'Rhiod," she told them.
Sheriam started. "Of course, he was a wolfbrother!"
"Darkness within, we should have thought of that," Mesaana cursed. "Tell me about it."
Egwene carefully related the meeting, while Sheriam and Mesaana listened.
"So he won't take direct action to contact al'Thor," the Chosen concluded.
"I don't think so," Egwene said. "He is -was- not the one to break the rules. Well, every boy does sometimes, but he did far less than Mat or even Rand. He won't seek out anyone's dreams if such a thing is forbidden. But I am certain he will speak to Rand if he runs into him in the World of Dreams."
"And al'Thor knows he is a Wolfbrother. I am surprised the two of them have not met yet." Mesaana mused. "Damn. And I can't take him on in there. I could notify the man with two souls, buy Aybara is a match even for him. If only we could work together, but I couldn't trust him that far. At least he is no longer ta'veren, that stops at death, even for a Wolfbrother."
"We should take some measures that would stop one from getting into the Tower in a disguise," Sheriam suggested. "No doubt Rand has eyes-and-ears here, it must seem as if Egwene is indeed putting a stop to any such subterfuge."
Mesaana nodded. "It will be a further drain on our resources, but make it convincing. At least those on the side of the Light are inclined to trust those they grew up with, much more so than Friends of the Dark who know from early age not everyone is as they seem to be. Instruct Cadsuane and Merise to pay close attention to al'Thor, especially soon after waking."
"It will be done," Sheriam replied. "We should also make use of the thief-taker, Egwene would have welcomed his services."
Egwene nodded. "I would have, he has helped Nynaeve and Elayne so well."
"I will pair him up with Moria, she can control him," Sheriam decided. "And Amathera as well, if necessary."
Thus it was done. As Mesaana was satisfied everything that could be done for the moment was done, they parted. Egwene roused some people to action immediately, while Sheriam sent messages summoning others to see her immediately after breakfast, and by then Gawyn returned with the tea.
He was clearly unhappy he had been left out of the discussion between her and Sheriam -he thought- about the measures taken because of what Perrin had told her, but he was her Warder, not Captain-General of the Tower Guard. To appease him, and to ease her own mind about deceiving him, she agreed to a couple small suggestions he made about the security of the Tower, like the closing one of the servants' entrances, and then she drank the tea he had brought. It was good to have something to help her sleep after all this!
-0- -0-
The next day, Mesaana watched as the sisters who had gone to Caemlyn return, only a few accompanying the refugees to Whitebridge, as there were some who had been so grievously wounded they needed more care.
She cared very little about the townsfolk, all Elayne's people, but she read the reports as she wanted to know what Moridin was up to. She did not doubt he was the one who had orchestrated the raid. The Trollocs had slaughtered anyone they could, closing the gates and trapping as many people in as possible. Every dwelling that could burn, had been, and stone buildings had been torn down, preferably with people cowering inside. The refugees often came out with terrible wounds, and the Yellow sisters had worked a full day to Heal as many as they could.
She noticed with interest that the report also mentioned Nynaeve had Healed one of Mat's men who had taken a Trakan'dar blade, not a small feat even for one as skilled at Healing as she was. Yes, almost a child still compared to those of her own age, but with potential. In time, the young woman might become as strong a Healer as Semirhage had been.
Other than that and keeping track of Moridin's deeds, she cared little about Caemlyn or any other of the places ravaged by chaos or raids. She filed away the reports and went on with the next order of business. Which was another message about a Trolloc attack, this time on Three Oaks, a tiny village on the Tar Valon road, not too far to the south. This was her concern. Technically, Tar Valon was a city-state, and the Amyrlin ruled only over the town itself. But in practice, the writ of the Tower went well beyond that, all the way up to the Andoran and Cairhien border. While the Tower owned no lands there, the produce from the farms had been sold directly to the Tower for generations, and the Tower had helped with small nuisances like vermin or diseased crops as if it were one of the villages at the foot of the bridges. And no matter what the maps said, everyone knew this. Well, perhaps not the Trollocs themselves, but certainly the Myrddraal leading them did. And whoever had sent them to scourge that area. Mesaana saw this as a definite infringement on her territory.
"What for Darkness' sake does he expect us to eat after the War," she cursed to Sheriam, who had handed her the pre-sorted reports. "It's going to be hard enough with the blasted Blight infesting the crops all the way down to the Sea of Storms. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."
-0-
Without waiting for a reply, she Traveled. This time, she did not invite Sheriam along, she would take care of this herself.
She had arrived at the Myrddraal's camp and quickly found one of the Fades who had led the attack on the village. To her annoyance, it had refused to promise it would stay out of the area, stating the orders came from Moridin, the Nae'blis, himself, and she had no authority to change those plans. Nothing she had said had convinced it otherwise, and she had finally sent a message to Moridin, requesting to see him.
That, she dreaded. Once, when she had just gone over to the Shadow and the destruction of all valuable resources pained her, she had suggested another way. He had put her down forcefully then, so forcefully she had never brought it up again, even when she had gained in rank and stood among the Chosen herself. Now, he still stood well above her, even though he had been killed and had been given a new body, a new name. But she was one of few others left, and highest among them. She could at least try.
Moridin took his time getting back to her, not until the next afternoon did he summon her. The message reached her as she walked into the sisters' dining hall with Namine and Janya, but she excused herself and left. She still kept her disguise carefully hidden, even now, but it was far less of a risk to make two of the turned wonder about her behavior than to make Moridin wait, even for a short while.
She Traveled to Moridin's castle deep within the Blight, enabled to do so by his invitation but still cautious. He would not leave any of his traps up on purpose, but as Ishamael he had been shockingly careless with the wellbeing of his followers, high and low. It would be just like him to forget some trap or other even if she had been summoned.
Fortunately, all was well and she stepped through into the room where Moridin had received her several times before. She let the gateway close, channeled the cooling weaves around herself, then released Saidar. She looked around the room, the overtly-dramatic black and red, and selected the least uncomfortable of the chairs. The furniture had clearly been selected for effect rather than comfort. She sat down and waited.
And waited. It took quite some time before Moridin entered, sauntering in as if he had all the time in the world.
"Ah, there you are," he said, as if surprised she was there already, then leisurely took a seat in one of the other chairs.
Mesaana did not show her irritation. He still stood well above her, and she wanted something from him, she should not let herself be drawn out.
"Thank you for seeing me," she said instead.
Moridin seemed to relax slightly when she did not take the bait, and he got down to business. "What did you want to see me about?"
"One of the villages on the Tar Valon road was raided by Trollocs," Mesaana said, just as much to the point. "Much too close to the city."
"Oh, that place," Moridin said casually. "It does not belong to the White Tower."
"Not officially, but the farmers sell to the Tower exclusively for generations, and it has been under Tar Valon protection," Mesaana said.
"Even if it is, what is it to you? They were just farmers, not Aes Sedai."
"Aes Sedai have to eat," Mesaana pointed out.
"There will be no harvest this year, raid or no raid," Moridin said as he made a dismissive gesture with his hand.
"But there would have been the year after," Mesaana said. "Look, the Breaking of the World may be necessary, but there should be _something_ left to rebuild. What good is it to rule a world without people? And I would like to have at least basic comforts. It is primitive enough already compared to our own Age."
"There is only you and me left, and Moghedien if she can continue to redeem herself," Moridin said. He casually played with the chain around his neck and Mesaana noticed it held only one cour'souvra now. So Moghedien had been rewarded for her help with the Blacksmith, that was good to know.
"I have built quite a collection of useful items," Moridin continued, "Which I am willing to share with those who serve well. That should do well enough, better than you are used to at the Tower now, I would say."
"There are others who have served me," Mesaana said. "No doubt many will die before all is over, and I won't cry over them, but I do not intend to let the survivors starve. That kind of waste is simply not necessary."
Moridin scowled. "I fail to see what a few farmers matter, but if it truly makes you happy, I will tell the Fades to stay a bit further from your precious city. But that is all I will do. The other places, any village, town or city I can send them to, will be burned like Caemlyn was. The little these people have rediscovered is worthless compared to what we had, it can't make much of a difference."
Mesaana knew she would get no more. She nodded. "Then that will have to do."
"Mesaana, you have done well lately. Keep it up and you will be rewarded," Moridin promised.
Something that shouldn't need to be said, and when said, was as much of a reminder for her to not overstep her current position as it was a promise of future rewards.
"Thank you," Mesaana said, as if she had only taken the words that were spoken at face value, then stood. "If I may?"
Moridin nodded, and she opened a gateway back to Tar Valon.
-0-
As she stepped through the gateway Mesaana felt her old anger and frustration rise again. True, there wasn't much to lose compared to what they had once had, but the Tower's eyes-and-ears had reported on the schools al'Thor had set up. At first she had scoffed at their primitive and pitiful discoveries, but in recent weeks she had realized that these people, children as they were, could be taught, and teaching one who had already taken the first steps on the road of discovery would be easier than trying to teach just any craftsman who had never thought to experiment beyond what he was taught by his Master.
But Moridin had mentioned these people before she had even brought them up, showing he too remembered her cautious suggestion so many centuries ago, and that his opinion of it hadn't changed.
Damn the man, why out of all people did he have to be Nae'Blis? Was it true that the Great Lord would require the destruction of every bit of mankind, every bit of the established world, save for a handful of them, before allowing them to rebuild? Chaos was often part of his orders, but when she and Rahvin had run their territories in a more orderly manner, they had both received approval from the Great Lord as well, as long as they had their people well in hand and any battles had gone their way. And just the same now, when Shaidar Haran was not put off by her taking of the Aes Sedai rather than destroying them, and the chaos in the Tower had stopped when she had it in firm control. No, no matter what Moridin thought, Mesaana was certain it was a method rather than the Great Lord's ultimate goal. His goal was to break free and to rule, and that she would do her best to make happen. She wished she had any chance to stand up against Moridin, but even with Demandred's help, voluntary or not, she knew her chances were dim. Her more realistic goal was to do well enough to be able to get a good-sized part of the world to rule, and leeway to rule her territories as she saw fit. At least Aginor was gone for good, with his ridiculous demands for humans as Trolloc fodder.
She gave an irritated shake of her head before she took on her disguise of Danelle, and left her room for a second try at supper.
That evening, she sent Karale, Evanellein and Melvara on a raid to al'Thor's school in Cairhien, but they only found a few of the would-be scholars there. Several had gone with al'Thor to the Field of Merrilor, as their inventions were used in some way as weapons or defense, and some had left the city when al'Thor did, afraid the city would be attacked and destroyed now the Dragon was no longer there to defend it. She should have struck sooner, even early on when those whose weapons now were used by al'Thor and his allies were still there!
Still she considered the raid a success, when she heard among those the Black sisters had taken was a man called Melvin Poel, who had been working on a steam engine. That alone was worth the effort. The man seemed to stand firmly in the Light and heavy compulsion nor breaking him with torture would do his intellect any good, but that was of later concern. For now, he was locked in the cellars on the farm and as safe from the war as any could be.
-0-
The next morning Mesaana Traveled to the Black Tower, to check on Del'han and remind him she could come see him any time at all. She had also wanted to see Jahar, but Sheriam had told her after they had gone over the White Tower business that he had Traveled far to the North, no doubt summoned by al'Thor.
She considered changing her plans and seeing about the Black Tower later, but then she decided she could get some things done even if Jahar wasn't there.
After seeing to Del'han, she studied the reports on Jahar's desk at the manor house. She approved, even before they had taken over the Black Tower had been ran efficiently, most of the supplies were manufactured in the village itself and food was purchased wherever it was cheapest. Taim too had realized they were in no way limited to the local market. Most men had been taken by now, and the open, official efforts had also been switched from recruiting to training those already here. With days to go until al'Thor would make his move on Shayol Ghul, any new recruits would be useless to them even at the quick pace the men were taught. There was one report that stood out, the murder of one of the Asha'man. One of those who had been Taim's had been found dead, stabbed and his throat cut, in the back room of his own house. But any larger town had its share of violence and crime, it was more likely a private matter than anything that affected their plan.
Then she heard a commotion outside, shouts and jeers coming closer. She got up and looked out the window to see a group of men hauling someone towards the manor house, who she could not even make out from up here. She turned and went to the front of the house, reaching the entrance just as the men arrived at the steps leading up to the door.
There were eight men, all full Asha'man, and she could now see their captive was a Red sister, Tarna Feir. She appeared to be gagged with Saidin, struggling to speak while no sound came out, but the men dragged her along physically, pulling her along roughly by her arms. Some punched her, some egged the ones who did so on, others called for Jahar.
"Jahar is at the Field of Merrilor. What is going on?" she asked.
The men came to a halt, started as they saw her and bowed deep, but came up immediately as they kept part of their attention on their captive. The two who held the Red now threw her down on the steps.
"Murder, Great One."
"She stabbed Irwyn, Great Mistress, and no doubt she is the one who killed Coteren as well, he too was killed with a knife, in a similar way. But this time we caught her red-handed!"
That last quite literally, Mesaana noted as she looked at the woman laying at her feet. And her dress had more than a little blood on it too. The guilt of the woman seemed without doubt, but she remembered the previous time they had met, too. The woman had been taken and turned by Taim's men, and while no one had told Mesaana the details and she hadn't asked, she had a pretty good idea what had happened.
"And what do you want?" she asked calmly.
"Let us hang her, Great One!" one called.
"She should be Stilled and executed," a second shouted.
"Justice!" called another.
"Justice?" Mesaana echoed sharply, and the men fell quiet again. Scornfully, she looked down at them. A rag-tag, rowdy bunch, no matter their strength in the One Power. "I believe justice was just done. And if I may suggest, if you can not protect yourselves against the consequences of your actions, perhaps you should stick to tavern wenches instead. Now release her and get out of here before I decide what she did was not enough."
The men had gone quiet and paled as she spoke, and now they almost fell over one another as they bowed, stammered their apologies and moved off, some breaking literally into a run. Not as strong as their strength in the Power suggested, at all.
Tarna pushed herself up to where she was kneeling, head bent low. "Thank you, Great Mistress," she said.
"I understand the need for revenge," Mesaana replied. "However, the Last Battle is soon and these men, even the less savory ones, are useful weapons. Two will have to do."
"Three," Tarna said. "They haven't found the fat Illianer yet."
Mesaana looked at the Red sister with new appreciation. When they had come to the Black Tower the first time she'd had to send Sheriam along to gather the rest of Elaida's delegation, the Red had been so shaken. But it seemed the sister had a backbone after all. She smiled. "Three, then. Rise, return to the White Tower and get yourself cleaned up."
"Yes, Great Mistress, thank you, Great Mistress." With a deep curtsy, Tarna channeled and went back to Tar Valon, as Mesaana watched her go.
-0- -0-
Finally, Rand had told them his plans. It had been days since he had moved to the Field of Merrilor, and he had stalled, Egwene suspected he himself had not decided on the exact course of action. She and Jahar Traveled to meet with Rand every day, sometimes with Nynaeve and Lan as well.
At first she had worried Rand might notice the compulsion on Lan, but Nynaeve had him pretty well under control and so much had happened to Lan -Moiraine's presumed death, his bond to Myrelle, now his bond to Nynaeve, and then to have Moiraine show up again, that had been just the previous day, when she had walked into the camp together with Mat and Thom Merillin. Any change in his behavior could be attributed to those things instead.
They had met, discussing strategies, but mostly waiting for Rand to come up with the final plan, for he was the Dragon Reborn, and the decision would be his.
Finally he had made up his mind. He had long been torn between using Callandor with only Aviendha and Nynaeve, whilst Nynaeve led, but eventually he had decided to take the risk and use the Sword that was not a Sword in a full circle of seventy-two. The Taint gone, the flaw would be less pronounced, less likely to break out, and he reasoned that as the Dragon he would have to be the one to lead and do the actual sealing of the Bore, not Nynaeve or any other woman.
He requested of her and Jahar that they picked their Aes Sedai and Asha'man to fill the circle, and another group to hold a shield above them and form a first line of defense, together with the Warders who would insist on taking part but could not help with the sealing of the Bore itself. A wider ring would protect their backs, channelers who wouldn't have to hold a shield but could only defend against outside attacks. Beyond that, a ring around all of Shayol Ghul, which included Mat's and Perrin's armies, as well as the Aiel. The Borderlanders, Bryne's men, and the various other nobles would meet the Trollocs at Tarmon's Gap and other, lesser gaps to protect the Borderlands best they could. The South was protected only by the promise of the Seanchan Empress to refrain from all attacks during the days of the Last Battle, as Fortuona refused to give any actual aid. As per Mesaana's orders, of course.
The meeting had been interrupted by reports of a violent attack on Cairhien, but Rand had not been distracted. He told the messenger that he had known Cairhien would be destroyed when he took it as his base, and while he felt sorry for the people of the city, he could not allow the Dark One to disrupt this meeting.
Egwene had been shocked at his hardness, and surprised, although the last not so much after Elayne had taken a similar decision about Caemlyn. This was not the Rand she knew, who would help anyone he could. She had mentioned such, and all he had said was that he had to save the world, not individual cities or people. He had asked for assistance in Healing the refugees but he said he could not afford the time or effort to sweep the city clean as he had done with Maradon.
After that, he had continued the meeting, his voice even harder and more grim than before, his orders decisive and clear. The attack seemed to have fueled his determination more than anything.
As soon as the meeting was over, she, Nynaeve and Jahar had reported to Mesaana and Sheriam, who had together with the Asha'man assigned the places in the circle and then the other positions. Then, the Myrddraal had come. Mesaana, Sheriam, Jahar and the Fade had gathered around her desk, studying maps of the continent.
Egwene wasn't even sure why she was included. Siuan had taught her well, but Mesaana had centuries more experience, and Sheriam was as capable as Siuan when she wasn't selectively holding back. Perhaps it was intended mostly so she would know what the four of them decided, and what she had to tell Rand, since he could not yet learn that she no longer truly held her position of power. Even so, she at one time made a suggestion and it was well received.
To her surprise, the Myrddraal did not push for unlimited slaughter. She had thought, even now, that Myrddraal hated humans and could only barely control the bloodlust of the large Trolloc armies, but it readily agreed to keep the Trollocs back from the armies they controlled, making them faint attacks, stalling for time.
Mesaana, who stood in what had been Egwene's place so briefly, picked up a map of the Blight and put it on top of the pile.
"Al'Thor seems to expect a attack from the slopes of Shayol Ghul itself, for he has ordered a group of channelers and Aiel for this position," she said, pointing at what could have been a dead end or a pass -the map did not include any detail of the mountain itself.
The Myrddraal shook its head. "It looks like a pass, but it is not. Not even the cloven-hoofed Trollocs can traverse that route. But it can be used to take on the Aiel, if the Asha'man can drive them into the supposed pass. It dead-ends after two leagues, a perfect trap."
Egwene _felt_ the gasp at the same instant she heard it. She whirled, weaving the flows of compulsion even before she had fully turned.
Gawyn's eyes glazed over. "I am sorry, Egwene, I should not have disturbed you and your guests."
Mesaana wrapped him in Air, tying him up as well as plugging his ears. "How did he get in here, didn't you set the wards?" she demanded.
"You didn't include Gawyn in the ward," Sheriam concluded. "Didn't anyone tell you a ward needs to be woven specifically to keep one's Warder out, if you want it to stop him?"
Even as she spoke, Egwene realized her mistake. She knelt and bowed her head.
"I am sorry. Irna did tell me, but with everything that had happened that night I bonded him, I forgot."
Mesaana hissed in irritation, and Egwene hardly dared to breathe, bracing herself for pain.
"After what Elaida tried to do, it seems physical pain doesn't affect you, at least not anything I could do to you that wouldn't show. And yet I want to make sure you do not forget such a thing again," Mesaana said. "Ah, yes. Gawyn will take the lashing, twenty lashes from a Trolloc whip. You will go with the Myrddraal after the meeting, and get it taken care of."
Egwene felt the blood drain from her face as she heard the Chosen, but she knew better than to protest or even show her dismay. No matter how reasonable Mesaana had been as long as everything went well, she was not lenient when one made a mistake. And she was right about one thing -Egwene promised herself to never, ever be so careless again. Her voice shook as she answered, "Yes, High Mistress."
-0-
She had gone with the Myrddraal, to their barracks, where it had ordered one of the Trollocs to do the whipping. Each stroke had hurt as if it landed on her back. She had compelled him as she had taken him, but had to release the compulsion during the whipping itself, and she felt his confusion and befuddlement through the physical pain.
Once again she had to betray the one she loved, and while this time it was not fatal, it was hard, perhaps even harder, because it was so useless. No lives were saved this time, there was no benefit to anyone. It was all her fault for making a mistake, for putting them all at risk by forgetting such a small but important instruction about the wards. Riddled by guilt, she had rewoven the compulsion and Traveled back to Tar Valon.
-0-
And now they were here in her bedroom, late at night. She un-did the compulsion once again.
Gawyn slowly came to his senses. He shook his head then looked at her, and she could feel his confusion fade, to be replaced by sadness.
"I wish I could believe that what I saw is just a bad dream, but I know it's not. Egwene, a Myrddraal? Nothing can be worth that."
"I am sorry Gawyn," Egwene answered. "I serve the Great Lord."
"Not of your own free will," Gawyn said. "What did they do to you? And how did they get to you? It must have been after you purged the Black sisters from the Tower."
"Some knew how to beat the Oath Rod. Most, in fact. Including Sheriam. She and Mesaana took me when you were right outside the door, but don't blame yourself, you could not have known. If anything, it was me who firmly believed the test was valid and those who held the Oath Rod could not be Black Ajah. And Gawyn, what they did to me is not a mere compulsion, it is irreversible."
Unlike what Nynaeve had told her about Lan, Gawyn did not argue that part. Instead, she could feel sadness and resignation.
"And what does that mean for me, for us?" he asked after a pause.
"That is for a large part up to you," she replied. "Not now of course, I can not let you go now. But after, if you want me to, I will release you from the Bond."
Even as she spoke she could feel that very idea caused him as much anguish and resistance than her first admission that she served the Great Lord. It did not take long for him to make up his mind.
"That will not be necessary. Egwene, if I could have stopped them from taking you, I would have. But I couldn't, and I didn't. I love you, I will follow you to the Pit of Doom if you ask me to." He knelt before her. "I swore to protect you, even before you Bonded me. I failed to protect you from the Shadow but I will not abandon you to it."
Relief flooded through her. She knew many Warders remained faithful to their Black Ajah sisters, and she had hoped, fervently hoped, that Gawyn would too, but she had not been completely sure. She wasn't sure anyone could be, it was no small thing to ask of a man who walked in the Light. She reached out and pulled him up.
"Thank you, Gawyn. I can not express how much that means to me."
She reached for the jar of healall salve she had one of the servants bring to her room earlier. At least herbs and salves were allowed, even if Healing was not.
"I'm sorry about this," she apologized even as she took off his shirt and gently rubbed some salve on his wounds. "This was my fault. I forgot to set the ward so it included you, Irna had told me the night I bonded you. You weren't supposed to know until after the battle, none of the Warders are. And after what Elaida did to me, Mesaana knew a beating wouldn't mean much to me."
"And yet we must serve her," Gawyn said. "But if it must be, it must be."
"Until just three weeks ago, I would never have believed it, but she seems fair as long as one does not fail her," Egwene said. "Elaida was a harsher ruler, and she supposedly stood in the Light. Nor are the raids on the cities Mesaana's doing."
"But she holds the Tower? The other Aes Sedai?" Gawyn concluded.
Egwene nodded. "All sisters in the Tower, and most Asha'man."
She could tell even if he had sworn to follow her, the news still shocked him. But she trusted him, he would not break his word. He just needed some time to get used to the new circumstances.
"We will have to make the best of it somehow," he said finally. "May the world forgive us."
Egwene nodded wordlessly. She was done with the salve, and she put the jar aside. Then she drew him in a gentle embrace, careful of the marks on his back. He returned her caress, slowly at first, then more eagerly as they felt each other's desire.
All this time, Egwene had held him off, afraid to take the final step to taking him into her bed, reluctant to do so while she knew she was holding so much back from him. But now the last barrier between them was gone. As he sought her mouth to kiss her, this time she did not stop him.
-0- -0-
For several nights, Perrin had walked Tel'aran'rhiod before he found Rand. He had wondered why Rand did not come, if Rand would not realize that he, Perrin, walked here now.
Perhaps it was unnecessary. He had walked Tar Valon too, and as far as anyone could tell from here, Egwene had increased the guard at the Tower. Checkpoints had shown up, still fading in and out as they hadn't been in place long, but they would be solid in the real world. Proclamations that everyone, high or low, servant or Aes Sedai, visitor or delivery boy or permanent resident, was to be checked by the sisters at the entrance to the Tower itself. Other proclamations offered reward to anyone bringing those responsible for the attack to justice, with the added caution that the attackers were very dangerous indeed, and to warn the Tower guard rather than to take action alone.
Perhaps Egwene did have matters well in hand, or as much as anyone could, this close to the Last Battle. The city itself was still in good shape, while so many other places were suffering from far more frequent attacks, not to mention Caemlyn razed completely and the previous day Cairhien, too. Was he overreacting about one relatively minor attack because it had killed him? Even so, when he felt Rand's presence, he thought himself nearby.
Rand was not lost in thought. Not him, not here. That was the one thing that still bothered him about the meeting with Egwene, she had let her guard down as if she had nothing to fear. Or had she been that upset by his death? She was strong, Amyrlin now, but she was not a soldier, was not used to seeing her friends fall in battle or sneak attacks.
"It is me, Rand," he said quietly, even as he dismissed the flows of Saidin that had momentarily held him.
"Perrin. I am glad to see you here," Rand said, but the relief from his words did not sound through in his voice. His voice was hard, as hard as his eyes, unblinking. "But it won't be enough."
"Don't say that," Perrin replied.
"Haven't you felt it?" Rand asked. "You, me and Mat, we must all be there for the Last Battle, or I will fail, and the world will fall to the Shadow."
"You are the Dragon Reborn, the prophesies make no mention of us. We are friends, we set out together, but you can finish it alone. It is you the world needs, Rand. And Mat is still alive, is he not?" Perrin tried.
Rand laughed harshly. "Yes, Mat is alive, and he still has his luck. It'll have to be enough, won't it? Even I can't go back in time and make you live again. But I worry, Perrin, I worry."
"I wish nothing more than to be able to be there with you and Mat, but I can't, and I refuse to believe all hope is lost. That however wasn't what I wanted to speak to you about. I am concerned about Egwene, and the White Tower."
"She has sent me a letter," Rand replied. "Oh, I'm sure she did not tell me everything, but it seems to fit with what my eyes-and-ears tell me."
The casual admission that Rand was spying on Egwene, and that Egwene was expected to hold back information even if she wasn't controlled by the Black Ajah, hurt. Perrin knew from Faile that all rulers spied on their allies, friends, and even family members, but he had refused to send out eyes-and-ears to Cairhien and Tar Valon. He suspected Faile had done so on her own accord, and he had never explicitly forbidden her to do so, but he hated it. And yet here he was, speaking to Rand because he was unsure about Egwene himself.
"Raids by the Black Ajah were only to be expected," Rand continued, "It was inevitable since some had escaped the purge. But all reports suggest she has the Tower well in hand."
"I wish I could be so sure of that," Perrin replied.
Rand sighed, showing a small crack in his hard features. "Actually I am not all certain, but I have to believe she does. I need her, Perrin, her and the White Tower. There are sisters elsewhere, with me and in the Black Tower, but it is essential that the two Towers stand as one at Shayol Ghul."
"At least be wary of the Keeper, Sheriam Bayanar," Perrin argued. "Egwene trusts her, says whoever I met was only someone posing as her, but I'm not convinced."
Rand laughed, a real laugh this time. "Sheriam is under control." He told Perry briefly what had happened. "So you see, while Taim tried to get a hold of her, now Jahar holds her Bond. I would not have suggested or ordered it, but it is convenient. He is one of the few people I trust."
Perrin had frowned as Rand spoke. He didn't fully understand what the Bond did, not like those who could channel, but he knew it allowed one to feel what the other party felt, and the one who held the bond had some measure of control over their Warder. More than that, the male version seemed to be very strong indeed. An Aes Sedai might know a lot about scheming and manipulating, but Sheriam seemed to be held as securely as anyone could be.
"For the Light's sake, I hope you are right," he said.
"So do I, Perrin, so do I," Rand replied.
With nothing more to be said, they took their leave. Rand disappeared from the Dream and Perrin stood for a long time, wishing he too had a body he could return to, instead of being stuck here in this half-life.
-0- -0-
Jahar had initially intended to Travel to Shol Arbela alone, but he was glad Sheriam had offered to come along. Of course, there would be no problem taking his entire family by himself, yet he was uneasy about confronting them and he was grateful for her presence.
He Traveled to his old home. It was a simple house, two stories, with a workshop and kitchen downstairs and bedrooms upstairs. He wove his gateway in the workshop, which at this time of the evening was empty as he had expected, so he did not startle his family even at his entrance. Several half-finished pieces of furniture were laying around, and a few finished pieces stood against one wall. A ladder led up to the second floor, and the door to the kitchen was closed. It smelled strongly of fresh wood and shavings, but the floor was cleanly swept.
"Dad?" Jahar called out.
Immediately the kitchen door opened. His father stood in the opening.
"Jahar?" he started, then was almost bowled over as Yusha pushed her way through.
Jahar smiled broadly as his youngest sister rushed up to him. He caught her in his arms and hugged her, lifting her off the floor. She was immediately followed by Ayitah.
"You're back, you're back!" his sisters called out together.
Suddenly they noticed his black coat, the sword and dragon pns on it.
Ayitah got wide-eyed and she only threw a quick glance at Sheriam, who had followed him in.
"Is it true what you wrote, can you channel and are an Asha'man?" she asked him.
"Asha'man and M'Hael of the Black Tower," Jahar said.
His sisters gasped, but he did not pause long.
"Sheriam Sedai, Keeper of the Chronicles at Tar Valon," he continued, introducing her to his sisters, his father and his brother, Asim, who had by now come from the kitchen as well.
All four greeted her respectfully, with bows and curtsies. Ayitah now looked at her wide-eyed, and perhaps a little ashamed of her quick glance earlier.
"Can we go into the kitchen to talk?" he asked.
"Of course," his father replied. He looked about as stunned as Jahar had ever seen him, but still managed to sound calm.
Ayitah darted into the kitchen just as quick as she had emerged.
"She has the spark, Jahar," Sheriam said as they followed. "She hasn't channeled yet but she will soon. And she's strong."
Jahar wasn't very surprised, they had known for a while that channeling was hereditary. Even so, it was strange to hear it about his own sister.
"And Yusha?" he asked, though he knew she was very young.
As expected, Sheriam shook her head. "I don't know yet."
They had by now entered the kitchen.
"Would you like some tea, Sheriam Sedai?" Ayitah asked, curtsying again. "Or anything else? Jahar, are you really an Asha'man?"
"Ayitah, calm down," their father admonished her, looking uneasy at Sheriam.
"It's al right," Sheriam said. "I would like some tea, Ayitah."
Ayitah managed to pour a cup of hot tea for Sheriam and for him. Jahar took it from her, still smiling. Sure, sometimes she had driven him crazy, but he suspected all younger sisters did that to older brothers. He was really fond of both his sisters.
"Yes, I am Asha'man," Jahar said when they had their tea and were seated.
"The Taint really is gone, then?" his father said.
"The Taint will not be a problem," Jahar replied. He sighed. He hadn't wanted to barge in and take his family without any kind of explanation, but how could he possibly explain they served the Great Lord?
"I said there was more. Mesaana rules the White Tower and has taken most of those who can channel. The Bore will be opened completely, and it is almost certain Shol Arbela will be overran. I want you to come to the Black Tower with me."
If his family had been stunned before, that was nothing by how they looked now.
"I don't believe it," Asim said flatly.
"You can't be a Darkfriend, you're my brother," Ayitah threw in.
His dad looked at him for a long moment. "You would not joke about something like that," he said finally.
"I still don't… Why?" Asim asked.
"We didn't have a choice, we were taken too. But that makes no difference now," Jahar said.
"Anyone who can channel can be turned to the Great Lord," Sheriam explained. "It had not been done since the Trolloc Wars, and it was never used on such a large scale before, but this time we have turned all Aes Sedai and Asha'man."
"I never knew anything like that could be done," Jahar's father said quietly.
"It wasn't something we wanted others to know about. Not even all Aes Sedai knew," Sheriam replied.
"What did you do?" Yusha asked Jahar, pulling on his sleeve. She had not understood everything but she heard the tone of her father's and brother's voice and she sounded scared.
"It'll be al right," Jahar told her gently.
"Yusha, come here," Asim told her, looking uneasily at him.
"Oh, come on Asim, Jahar won't hurt her, or any of us," Ayitah said as she got up and joined them.
Jahar smiled at her, grateful for her support. It was more than he had hoped for.
"It hasn't changed who I am. We took those we turned by force, but we took care not to hurt them," he said.
"So you will take us to the Black Tower. What will happen to those who stay here, our friends and neighbors?" his dad asked.
"I can't take everyone out of here, they wouldn't want to come and we can not turn everyone. I do not know what will happen here, we intend to take the Dragon quickly and open the Bore, then stop the rest of the fighting. But Borderlanders are likely to fight back, even against impossible odds. That is why I want you out of here, at least for now," Jahar explained.
"How can you be so sure the Forsaken will stop the fighting once the Bore is open. If there is anyone left to kill once the Dark One is free. They are not trustworthy people," Asim argued.
"Mesaana is," Jahar replied. "She wants to rebuild, in time regain what was lost in the Age of Legends."
"Do we have any choice?" his father asked.
"No," Jahar said honestly. "If it were just you and Asim, I would not like it but I would not make you come, I would only compel you to forget what I said until the battle is over. But Ayitah will have to come, to the White Tower for her. She has the spark, like me. She will channel, and she has to learn how to control it. And I'm not leaving Yusha here, for I'm afraid the city will be hit hard. There are families in the Black Tower, but they are all very busy with their own children, and she needs you."
His mother had died giving birth to Yusha, and his father had raised their family alone since then.
Slowly, his father relented. "We will come," he said. He didn't sound happy about it, but his father knew about compulsion and he had always seen sense when something was inevitable.
"Can I really learn to channel?" Ayitah asked.
Sheriam nodded at her. "Yes, Ayitah," she said. "You are close to touching the Source, too. I am glad we came here when we did, it's not something you want to learn by yourself."
Ayitah nodded, wide-eyed again.
Now he had agreed to come, his father did not want to dally. They quickly packed Jahar noticed his father and brother did not pack too much, clearly intending to return- and soon they were ready. Sheriam helped Ayitah, telling her what she would need as a novice in the Tower, and Jahar extinguished the fire in the kitchen, then set a number of wards around the house and the immediate surroundings. No Trolloc would enter the house.
When they were all ready, he opened a Gateway back to the Black Tower. His sisters exclaimed in awe, but his brother scowled as they left the house in Shol Arbela.
He had arranged for a small house among the Dedicated who had been Logain's. It was a small house, but well built, two stories and a small attic.
Now that he knew Ayitah also had the spark, he was curious whether his father and brother could channel. His father was too old to have the spark, but that did not mean he could not be taught. And his brother might still have the ability inborn. Even so, he wasn't going to ask right now. They'd had enough for one evening.
After seeing his father, Asim and Yusha settled in, they took Ayitah to the Tower. Which meant they would have to turn her, even if she did come along voluntarily. It was safer than to use compulsion, which one of the novices or Accepted could discover by accident.
"We will have to turn you, like we were, and has been done to everyone.
There will be Myrddraal there, but I'll be with you. Try not to be afraid," Jahar told her.
"I won't," Ayitah assured him, but her voice was a little shaky, and Jahar kept a close eye on her.
Ayitah looked around with wide eyes as they the large room at Malkier. Sheriam gathered a circle and the Myrddraal. Jahar could feel Ayitah draw a sharp breath as they entered the room, and she looked sideways at him, but she did not stop.
Sheriam drew him into the circle, then he took control of it. Just in case, he held Ayitah down with Air, but she never struggled. Soon, he was done.
"Where you scared?" he asked.
"A little," she admitted. "But you didn't hardly look at them. Are there always this many Fades around?"
"They won't come to Tar Valon," Jahar assured her.
"Good, I don't really want to meet one when I'm alone," Ayitah replied.
Sheriam smiled at her open honesty. "They won't bother you," she promised, even as she channeled the gateway to the White Tower. "Come, I'll bring you to your room."
After seeing his sister settled in too, he bade Sheriam goodnight and went back to the Black Tower. It felt unpleasant to be so far from her every night, much more so than it did when he and Merise were miles apart. But after the broken bond it was worse for her. If she managed to sleep well, then so could he. And sleep he must, for tomorrow all would come to a head. He went on one more brief round through the town that was now his, then went to sleep.