Hey xD Random update... And just so u know... James is the same age as Katie (21) so that explains the whole 'paedophile' thing

Chapter name is from Why Don't You Love Me? by Hot Chelle Rae ft Demi Lovato :)

My Heartache Can't Take It Anymore

Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others... – Unknown

Kendall has always hated cliché love stories, but then and there, he felt like he was living one.

There were fireworks going off in his head, as James gasped softly, then responded to the kiss, tracing Kendall's lips with his tongue. Kendall wrapped his hands around James' neck, wishing that he could stay there forever, because it felt so perfect.

Kendall felt James' thumbs press into his hips, pulling him closer, intensifying the kiss. But suddenly, unable to stop it, he remembered larger, thicker fingers holding him in that same place, pushing him down on a hard bed, ignoring his pleas for help and slapping him because of his incessant begging to stop.

Kendall broke away from James with a startled cry, and almost immediately, the memory washed away.

What was that?

He stood there, breathless, as James regarded him with a shocked expression.

'Kendall-', James started, but the blonde realized that he was speechless. He pushed away all the emotions running haywire through his body and stood straighter.

He had to get rid of James before he did something he'd regret. He put his mask back on.

'You should know better than kissing your boss,' he said, his heart breaking at the confused expression on James' face.

'But you kissed me-', James started, but Kendall stopped him short, unable to look him in the eyes.

'Contradicting me? I don't think so. Get the hell back to the stage before I kick your ass.'

Honestly, Kendall didn't think he could touch James without crying. James frowned, and there was hurt painted clearly in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stormed away.

Kendall looked at his retreating figure, feeling tears build in his eyes. He was so stupid.

...

'It's called posttraumatic stress disorder,' Logan said, swivelling in his chair to turn to look at Kendall.

Kendall groaned and placed his head in his hands. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'I can't explain it without making some reference to your past. But it does explain why you had that memory when you were- um- kissing James. To you, James is an icon of your past, and who knows, it may happen to you unless-'

'Unless...' Kendall looked at Logan expectantly.

Logan sighed. 'Unless you learn to live with your past somehow, Kendall.'

'No, Logan,' Kendall said, standing up. 'No. I can't do that.'

Logan was tired of Kendall being an idiot. He stood to meet Kendall's gaze. 'Why not? Are you going to make yourself suffer? You're an idiot.'

'You know why,' Kendall said, his fists clenching.

Logan shook his head, his face taut. 'No, I don't. It seems that I don't know anything anymore, Kendall. Because you don't listen to me. You don't tell me everything. I don't know why you can't live with your past. It's been seven years. Just because your mother fucked up half of your life and then-'

Fear sprang up in Kendall's eyes. 'Don't talk about it, Logan. Please.'

Logan rolled his shoulders and crossed his arms. 'About what? About-'

'NO!' Kendall screeched, covering his eyes. 'That's enough, Logan. What the hell is your problem?'

Logan immediately felt bad. 'Fuck. Kendall, I'm so sorry,' he said, rushing to the blonde's side, and rested a hand on his shoulder.

Kendall wrenched himself out of Logan's reach. 'Why are you doing this to me, Logan?' He said, staring at the brunet with wide eyes.

Logan passed a hand over his face. 'I just think you need to fix yourself soon, okay? You're gonna be stuck with James for the next few months. And you're not living off the axis. You're bound to see Katie one day, Kendall, and when you do, I'm sure she'll apologize.'

Kendall laughed harshly. 'For what? For being my sister?'

Logan stepped closer to Kendall. 'Ken- stop thinking like that. You're scaring me.'

'Just- just leave me the fuck alone,' Kendall said, before turning and fumbling with the doorknob, before rushing outside, leaving Logan dumbstruck.

...

Kendall sucked in a large gulp of cool air. His heart was racing, was it fear? Logan had scared him. In all of the twenty years they'd known each other, Logan had never, never acted like that.

So why was he acting like that now?

He sighed loudly and passed a hand over his face. He sat in his Audi, trying to get rid of the hollow feeling in his chest. He tried to think about something else.

Almost unwillingly, Dak came to his mind. Kendall totally forgot about the interview. At least he was sure as fuck he wasn't going to do it.

He whipped out his phone and dialled Dak, his leg bouncing like crazy. God, he just couldn't get his mind off James, and then Logan had to spoil it-

'Hello?'

Kendall almost sighed in relief. 'Dak, fuck it, man. Where the hell are you?'

'Kendall? Are you okay?'

Kendall rolled his eyes. 'Of course I'm fucking okay, Dak. I'm calling about the interview.'

'Are you gonna do it? You should, Kendall.'

Kendall giggled; it felt like such a burden-remover. 'You're so freaking hilarious, Dak. When was the last time I did a forking interview?'

'You never did one, Kendall.'

'Exactly.'

There was a pause. 'So you're not going to do it?'

'Uh, no. Isn't that obvious?'

This time there was a longer pause. Then, 'Whatever. Do whatever the fuck you want, Kendall. I don't really care anymore.'

And Dak hung up on him.

Kendall sank down in his seat, letting dread overwhelm him. Why was everybody and everything weighing down on him? He was a disappointment to everyone. What was the point of his existence?

Then he realized with a pang that here was where Logan would tell him that the blond meant everything to him, that he was worth every penny.

Kendall felt tears pool at the back of his eyes. He'd fucked up so bad. In just the span of an hour, he'd pushed James away, locked-off Logan, and his manager, Dak, had given up on him.

Kendall had nowhere to go. He needed counselling, someone had to tell him what to do, or he might go crazy. He might go insane.

He might kill himself.

But what could he do?

There was nobody he could turn to, no one he could rely on to help him. His most trustworthy friend had just given up on him. Who could help him now?

Unless-

...

Kendall searched frantically through the last drawer of his dresser. Where was the blasted thing? Finally, he found it, a little square box at the bottom of the drawer, under a pile of random stuff.

He pulled it out, staring at the black velvet on the outside of it. Since he got it six years ago, he's never opened it. He took a deep breath, and cracked it open, the small hinges stalling.

As it opened, a small paper fluttered out, yellowed with time. Before he bent to pick it up, though, something caught his eyes. He bit his lip, as he saw, in the box, a small 'K' carved on an oval-shaped clear multi-coloured gem, lined with gold. He let his fingers drift over to it, extracting it from its slot. It came away easily, a gold chain following it out of the box.

Kendall rubbed it gently, feeling the smoothness under his fingers. Even six years couldn't change its beauty. Suddenly remembering the note, he looked down, before stooping and picking it up.

He opened it gently, the writing on it faded, but still readable. His breath caught as he began to read.

14th October, 2004

Kendall,

It's been almost a year since you left, and I miss you like crazy. It would make no sense asking you to come back, because I know you wouldn't. So, I'm writing this letter and sending it to Logan's house, because I know you're there, and I want to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not standing up for you. I was such a deluded child and I'm sorry I didn't help you. I'm sorry for pushing you away, Kendall. It's only when you left, I realized how much you meant to me. I realized the pang in my chest every time I saw you suffering was because I felt sorry for you, and not because I felt sorry you were my brother.

No words can express my sorrow, ever. I'll understand if you don't forgive me. I don't deserve it. But I used all my savings and bought you the chain. It's real gold, and the gem is opal triplet, which symbolizes victory over past pain, and cost a shitload of money, mainly because of the gold. I don't care, because nothing can make up for how I treated you.

I'm probably going to get killed for this, but I think you should know. Remember when you used to play hockey with dad all the time? And then you joined the hockey team at school, and you were a pro.

Mom told me this a few weeks ago, and I realized that you wouldn't have known. Dad was in the 1984 Summer Olympics and he won a gold medal in field hockey. The medal is under the velvet lining in the box. You deserve it, Kendall. Because, for me, you've won, and you never gave up, no matter what happened, or how it happened.

You're my idol. I admire you for staying strong, and never giving up. I love you.

And no matter what happens now, I'll be waiting for you. I don't care what anyone tells me, I'll wait. I don't care if I wait forever.

I'll write my number at the bottom of this letter, and I'm begging you to call me, Kendall. I'll never change that number. If I lose it, I'll just buy it back. But I'll be waiting for you to call me.

I really hope you forgive me.

Love always,

Katie.

Kendall stared at her curly signature at the bottom of the page. He swallowed hard. His trembling hand went towards the back, his other hand clutching the paper tightly.

Daddy was never in the Olympics. Or else he would've told Kendall. Katie was lying. It was just this big setup.

Still, Kendall couldn't stop his hand from moving toward the velvet. He raised it slowly, and his breath caught. There, at the bottom of the box, was an Olympic gold medal, winking in the light.

He exhaled slowly, as he lifted the heavy pendant out of its place. His thumb ran over the 'XX111 OLYMPIAD LOS ANGELES 1984' engraving on it. It was true. As he held it, emotions overwhelmed him.

You deserve it, Kendall. Because, for me, you've won, and you never gave up, no matter what happened, or how it happened.

Kendall's jaw clenched as he let his gaze drift down to the number scrawled under her signature. Katie would've been fourteen when she wrote this. She should be twenty-one by now. He needed to talk to someone now. Before something went haywire.

He bit his lip, and, clenching the necklace, medal and letter in one hand, he rested the box on the dresser and pulled out his phone and dialled the number.

Whew. The chapter gave me so much freaking trouble, it's not even funny. But I finished :) Review? Please :P Tell me whatcha think! What do you think is gonna happen between Kendall and Katie? O.o

Ily!

Chelzixoxo