We left behind a busy crowd
So it seems we slow down
Meet me with a way out through the lies
Nowhere, going nowhere in the fake yellow light ;;
Things changed since the night the newborn came to Bella's home and fought with Jasper. Not all of these changes were positive ones. For one, the fear was once more instilled in regard to Victoria and her newborn army. There were still not as many killings in the news anymore, but there was no denying that the vicious vampire was still around and still plotting after the night Bartholemew fled after his plans had been thwarted. Thus, the Cullen's took precautions. Since the day after, there had been two staying guard. Jasper always was one of them (with the exception of the first day when he needed to hunt), but instead of staying curled up in bed with her at night anymore, he was usually the one who kept guard outside of her window while Esme stayed in her room. If it was Carlisle or Emmett that was watching with him that night, then he would be the one inside. But in the presence of others, he never touched Bella. It was a quiet understanding the two of them had that didn't need to be spoken of. But it didn't matter. Bella, whenever she felt as if he needed to be reminded of how she felt about him when they couldn't be alone, would simply look at him and be able to tell. That, or he would be able to feel the emotions coming from her that were meant only for him.
When it wasn't nighttime though, there were other ways to remind him of how she felt about him. When they were alone, Bella would kiss him for hours – his face, his skin, his lips. She'd rub his back or his shoulders or tuck herself beneath his chin and simply hold onto him. Their words were often hushed, but not because they needed them to be when it was just the two of them. But because the content, which read of affection and adoration, was more intimate when passed through whispers or quiet conversations. Bella tried to take advantage of the time they had to themselves as best as she could. Though it wasn't as frequent at night anymore for the time being, it was possible to be together more during the day now. School being over was responsible for that. Bella graduated from Forks High School despite her tumultuous year. It was such a relief to be finished. If it hadn't been for Jasper helping her study for her finals and catching up, even despite the slight detour in concentration that the newborn attack provided, Bella never would have managed. She would be always grateful to him for that, and the rewards – the best ones – all involved the new time block she had to spend with him.
For now, Bella didn't have to worry any longer about school. Because of everything that happened in the spring, there was no pressure on her to attend college right away. It was something that Bella didn't want to think about because in truth, before, she never really planned on going. Charlie used to stress the idea, but in all honesty, the chief was so happy to have her back to herself, not to mention the fact that she'd voluntarily finished high school on time when he didn't expect her to (not that he would have blamed her for not doing so), that he no longer brought it up. He assumed she just needed some time off and eventually, she would go off to school. Selfishly, Charlie also just liked having her home again with him. He wasn't ready to let her run off so soon without admitting that it wouldn't sit well with him.
The temperature was warm, indicative of summer. Even for the Olympic Peninsula, it was an especially nice day, despite the fact that it wasn't actually sunny. Bella was relieved that the sun wasn't out. It had been for the past two days prior and not wanting to leave Jasper, she stayed inside. But today was a special day. Today, they were going out just the two of them. Not to hide away at their carousel, which was still her favorite place regardless. But instead, they were taking a little trip. The first stop, while it was still warm in the midday, was Rialto Beach. It was the beach one over from La Push, but Bella learned that it was very similar.
The difference? Mainly, it was because Jasper was allowed on this one without breaking any treaties. Here, she could walk with him freely hand in hand as she was doing now. It was warm enough to take her shoes off and walk at the water's edge. The chill from it wasn't as cold as Jasper's hand in hers, but it was refreshing at it splashed against her calves, bare in the skirt she wore.
Yes. Skirt.
Because it was such a nice day, she made an effort to look nice. She wanted to look nice for Jasper. Of course, it was nothing fancy by any means. The skirt was a corduroy material that was sand colored and fluttered just above her knees. Her shirt was like one of the many she frequently wore – thin, waffle-knit, long-sleeved to keep her a little bit warmer. But it was dark green, a color she associated with Jasper. Save for the skirt, she was comfortable, but Bella thought she looked all right, and thus, dealt with it. She was with Jasper. Nothing else mattered much.
"What do you miss most about being human?" she wondered aloud as they walked.
Even though Jasper was typically a patient person, and though his kind did not really think in terms of time, the minutes he had to spend separated from Bella at night seemed to drag by very slowly. He wasn't sure which was more difficult, being in the same room as her and not being able to kiss her, or being apart from her all together. He didn't like either, but unfortunately now with the family more involved in the security of her house, they were both scenarios that they had to deal with. Of course, Bella's safety was the main concern and that was why he was able to put up with it.
Daytime he looked forward to. Being able to spend time alone with her was something he did not take lightly anymore, so the days were spent in the most rewarding ways possible. That day, they were having a special date at a beach Jasper could actually show his face at, where he wouldn't have to smell the dogs.
Bella looked beautiful. Jasper always found her to be captivating, but she'd dressed herself up a little without stepping too far out of her comfort zone. Jasper couldn't take his eyes off of her, which actually wasn't anything new, she was just especially beautiful that day. He'd dressed nicely, as he usually did; a black button up shirt and khaki pants. Even though she was barefoot, Jasper was wearing his shoes. He didn't want too much of himself exposed.
Taking a walk on the beach was a nice, calming date. Jasper was so happy to have time alone with her that it didn't to him where they were, but this was a particularly nice treat. The sound of the waves washing up on the beach was very soothing, as was walking with her, holding her hand and stopping every now and then to kiss her. Currently, he was walking about a half-step behind her. Her right hand was in his right hand, and his left arm was around her shoulders. He could keep her fairly close to him this way, and it made stopping to kiss her much easier.
Her question was one that took a little thinking before he could answer. He smiled just a little as he came to his conclusion. "Lemonade," he replied. "My mother used to make it during the summer."
He closed his eyes, recalling the taste. "It's the only taste of human food and beverage that I can remember. She'd make it while my father and I worked outside, doing repairs on the fence in front of our house or whatever it was we were tending to. It was so hot in Texas during the summer, but she always had lemonade ready for us. I'd sit on our porch swing and sip it. It was so refreshing. I miss that." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
"There is something else, though. I guess it's not so much something I miss, but something I wish for," he said quietly, stroking her shoulder with his fingertips. "It was something I could be then, that I cannot possibly be now."
Bella loved when Jasper talked about his family life from when he was still human. He always adopted this look in his eye, especially when he spoke of his mother, that seemed to cause them to light up, no matter what color they were. Today, they were a beautiful shade, her favorite. She liked to secretly refer to it as daffodil gold, tracing back to the dream she'd had about him the night she fell asleep in his arms, the very same night that they kissed for the first time. She kept looking back up at him to catch a glimpse of those eyes whenever she could, but she also had to keep an eye on where she was walking. The sand was soft and felt nice on her toes, but there was all kinds of potential to trip and fall for someone as big of a klutz as Bella.
Still, it was nearly impossible to keep her eyes off of him. But that was nothing new. He looked gorgeous as per usual. Effortless. Jasper always looked so well together and classic, like he didn't even have to try. It just… happened naturally. Bella loved that about him. Then again, she was convinced that he could be covered in dirt with tatters for clothes and she would still think that he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. At night, she would fall asleep looking at him. It was the best she could do considering the added security of another one of his family members. It was so much easier to do this when it was a night where Jasper was staying in her room as opposed to when he was the one guarding outside and it was dark. She'd lay on her side, facing the window and just look at him until her eyes were too heavy to keep open.
There was hardly one night that passed that she didn't dream of him. Bella, of course, was aware of what her dreams consisted of, but what she wasn't aware of, was that she frequently said his name while she slumbered. By now, Jasper should have been used to that, but even still, Bella was glad it was Esme who was in her room if it wasn't Jasper himself. She should have tried to get a hold on the things she thought about before she fell asleep so she wouldn't risk calling out his name, but it was impossible not to think of him. He was allshe thought about most of the time. And Bella didn't have a problem with that.
When he said there was something else that he wished for while he was still human, but able to do now, it caught her interest. "What's that?" she asked, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb.
Having to keep their relationship to themselves wasn't something Jasper particularly liked, but he did have mixed feelings about it. First and foremost, Jasper was a very private person. He did not have any hesitation about being affectionate to Bella when they were together, or allowing her to feel the emotions he held for her at any given moment. Yet Jasper had always been private with his affections when others were around. That was just in his nature. To him, affection, devotion, and emotions were sacred and he only wanted to share them with the person who was receiving them. It made it more special that way to him, something that just the two of them shared. No one else needed to be a part of that. On the other hand, he did not like deceiving his family, and that was what he felt like he was doing. Even if Esme knew, and whether Carlisle knew or not, and if Emmett and Rose were oblivious, the fact that he wasn't being truthful made him feel guilty sometimes. They were a family, but how much of it was their business, really? Mixed feelings. There was a reason he wasn't acknowledging, whether purposefully or subconsciously; he didn't want the subject of the past to be brought up in discussion. He didn't want to remember.
Right now he wasn't thinking about any of that, though. As she had been for a long time now, Bella was the dominant force in his thoughts. He had only tender gazes for her that day, his heart full from knowing he had the entire day with her alone. He didn't want to say that they had a lot of time to make up for, because any time near her - touching her or not, being in bed with her or sitting outside her window - was not considered wasted. It was just fulfilling to have this moment, like the many they had before the newborn attack.
Jasper was finding he somewhat enjoyed talking about his human life. It wasn't something he'd done a lot of previously. Vampires often forgot their former lives, or could only recall them in blurred memories. Human life wasn't much of a topic of conversation amongst his kind, and Jasper was no different. Talking with Bella, though, was not the same as conversing with a vampire. Obviously, she was human. Her curiosity about his life as a human seemed natural. Talking about it made the memories a little less blurry. He could remember more than he thought he could, and talking about one memory sometimes would unlock another he thought to be previously lost. It felt like he was gaining back part of himself he thought he'd never see again.
His smile seemed almost a little sad. Rather, it was most definitely an expression of longing as he looked at her. "I wish I could be warm, for you. It's... It makes me feel guilty, that I have this warm, beautiful body to lie with and all you have is this cold, marble statue to curl up with."
He brought a finger to her lips. "I know, you 'don't mind.' It's just something I wish I could provide for you."
It worked in Bella's favor that Jasper was more of a private person. She always had been as well. She never minded being alone and enjoyed solitude to herself. Charlie, for sure, was where she'd gotten that side of herself from seeing as Renee, the life of every party, was the polar opposite. Since she never had any type of romantic relationship before coming to Forks, affection with another was never something she would have to worry about sharing in the midst of others. There simply was no one else there to complete her couple. But even if that had been the case, she maintained that she still would have preferred that they save the affections for closed doors or moments of escaping. She, like Jasper, thought that such things were meant to stay like that; it made them more special. While she hated not being able to touch him or kiss him as much as she wanted to, let alone fall asleep with him for the time being, it just made her even more grateful for their alone time.
Like now, for instance. She liked being able to walk along the beach with him and hold his hand, stealing kisses every so often, without having to worry about anything else. There was an entire world beyond the little spaces they would occupy, but to Bella, it felt like the only one that existed had simply the two of them in it and nothing else. There was no fear or worry or heartache in that world. Just wonderful things.
When he confessed his wish, she hadn't been expecting him to say that. Of all the things he could have wanted back from his human life – the ability to sleep and dream, being able to walk freely in the sunlight without fear of being exposed, even the taste of fresh lemonade – and he desired to be warmer. For her. How could she not have been touched by that?
It became apparent though, that Jasper knew her better than she thought. When she opened her mouth to protest about not having a problem with his body temperature, he already had a finger to her lips to stop her. Sheepishly grinning at him and his knowledge of her habits, Bella allowed him to finish before kissing his finger, covering it with both of her hands, and shaking her head. Of course she was still going to protest.
"Jas, I'd rather freeze in your arms than be toasty warm without you," she said with a shrug as if it were no big deal. And it wasn't. It was something of a mood ruiner when her teeth would start to chatter when she was close to him and not properly dressed, but it was a small sacrifice.
"Besides," she added with a grin before letting go of his finger and clapping her hands against his chest. It might have stung a normal human, but she knew he wouldn't be affected by the pressure of her palms at all. "I like that you're sturdy." Standing on the tips of her toes, she reached for a kiss.
When they started to walk again, she wrapped her arm around his back and wondered aloud. "I think if I could pick something I wish for you, it would be that you could sleep," she said. "It would be nice to get some payback for all the times you have to stay up while I'm sleeping. And probably kicking you when I'm dreaming," she said with a little laugh. She'd seen her sheets when she woke some mornings; they looked like a crime scene.
"It would be nice to watch you wake up and tell me what you were dreaming about."
Jasper knew she was telling the truth, even through her small joke about him being sturdy. He knew she didn't mind how cold and solid his body was. It wasn't something that bothered her; it didn't keep her from sleeping. It wasn't ideal, though. As much as Bella would defend her preference, sleeping against a warm, soft body would always be more comfortable than an icy block of stone. There was no way of getting around that.
He mock-rubbed his chest as if she'd done some damage. "Not as sturdy as Emmett," he said with a smirk, and leaned down to meet her halfway for her sought kiss.
His arms found their way around her and he pulled her close, indulging in the kiss a little longer than she probably assumed he would. Jasper missed kissing her more than he realized. He finally did pull back though, and draped his arm around her shoulders as hers slid around his back. He could feel that she was enjoying herself, which made him feel even better than he already did. After going through what they did the night the newborn attacked, Jasper wanted more than anything just to get things back to how they'd been. He wanted to see her smiling again.
He laughed softly, recalling the many times she'd kicked him in her sleep. Of course, it didn't bother him. It was more likely to have bruised her toes and shins than to have disturbed him at all.
"No payback necessary," he said. "It's never boring watching you sleep. And besides, I already do have dreams. I dream all the time." A little sideways smirk tugged at his lips as he tugged her closer to him. "Day dreams."
Bella didn't mind when his kiss lasted a little longer than she thought it would. Because truth be told, she hadn't realized just how much she missed kissing him as well. It still - and maybe it would take quite a long time for this to change at all - amazed her that she was allowed to kiss him when she wanted whenever they were together and that he put just as pressure back against her mouth as she could exert on his. She wasn't used to that, but it was the type of thing that she definitely wouldn't mind pushing through to the end for. It seemed like kisses were certainly allowed to be more intense after the night when the newborn had attacked. The ones they'd shared after he told her his story and opened up to her fully about why he thought so little of himself, as well as showing her his scars, had been the most passionate ones of Bella's life. She would have to indulge in more of those, but it was a shame that they couldn't in the same manner since they were never fully alone at her house any longer.
No matter. She liked his little kisses just as well as those driven by passion. She blushed when he claimed that he found enjoyment in watching her sleep. She thought it had to have been dreadfully boring, no matter what he said. For hours, Jasper would just lay with her, still as stone. She assumed, anyway, considering he never woke her. Bella made a mental note to insist that when they were able to lay with one another again that he take some books or something to bed with him so that he would have something to do instead of just be subject to her sleepy beatings. Glancing up at him, she momentarily was taken by the way his mouth curved up to the side in that smirk. It was one of her very favorite expressions he made. She was also quite fond of his full, teeth bearing smile. When he was laughing, she was mesmorized. Bella liked the one when he was concentrating as well, the one he sometimes got while driving. Then again, what face of his didn't she love? Besides the ones when his visage read of hurt or upset.
"Not the same," she said, giving his middle a little squeeze.
Just like it happened the first time they went to the fairgrounds, a devilish streak went through her. "I bet you I can build a better sand castle than you," she challenged. "Think you're up for it Whitlock?" she asked, calling him by his human last name.
She felt that one was the most true to who he was. Dropping to her knees a little ways up from the water where the sand was dry, she dropped her shoes carelessly to the side. Bella didn't mind getting a little dirty, though she hoped her nice outfit wouldn't get to be too much of a mess. Even still, he'd already seen it on her and that was all that mattered. Grinning much like a child, she started collecting sand and forming it into small mounds.
"Oh and just so you know? I won a contest when I was little at the beach for castle building," she said, gloating a little. She didn't have to mention that afterward, she tripped on her bucket and fell. Right on top of her prize-winning creation. That part, Bella could definitely leave out.
Jasper had found a way to control himself, at least to an extent. Perhaps control was the wrong word. He'd learned how to endure the pain he felt in his throat and the thirst that built up inside of him when he was around her, simply because he'd endured such worse pain that came along with the breaking of his heart. He could deal with the burning, because it did not even come close to comparing to his previous pain. That was how he could kiss her so passionately, and allow her to return the affection he was bestowing on her. He still didn't trust himself, and he wasn't sure he ever would, but he did trust in the fact that he wanted her safe and protected. He would not let himself hurt her.
Jasper grinned when she told him his daydreams weren't the same as the dreams she had at night. He supposed that was true, but he didn't mind. He enjoyed his daydreams. It was how he spent a good portion of his time when she was away in school. Daydreaming about Bella was something he'd grown to love doing, truthfully. He didn't think he was missing out on anything slumber and the dreams that accompanied it had to offer.
When she challenged him to building a sandcastle, he arched an eyebrow. That certainly wasn't what he'd expected they'd be doing during their walk on the beach, but that was one of the things he loved about being with Bella. Jasper never knew what to expect on their outings. It was fun, spontaneous, and he always enjoyed himself. Her words drew a slight chuckle from him.
"Oh, I think I can handle that," he drawled, and knelt a few feet away from her. He began to sculpt something, though it didn't have much shape yet. He obviously could work much faster, but he'd slowed down a little to make it fair.
That had been another surprise about Jasper that Bella loved; he always was willing to play along with her. The first day she went back to class and he took her on a little detour, when he played hide and seek in the funhouse room of mirrors at their fairground, and now, building sandcastles with her. It felt like it was rare that Bella could really let loose and have a bit of fun without being the usually quiet, responsible one. But she was happy that Jasper was able to be there for these times when she could. It was just easy to be carefree when it was a day like this with him.
It was a lot more difficult to build a really spectacular sandcastle without the tools, she quickly learned. But Bella was trying to manage the best she could without use of a pail and shovel. She started forming one large mound in the middle with a smaller tower on either side of it to give the castle its basic shape.
Glancing over at his, she smiled. "No cheating, vampire," she teased him.
Of course they both knew that he could have built four dozen castles in the time that she could finish one, and Bella would have bet that he had some experience with art since moving to different schools with the Cullens. Odds were stacked against her, but it wasn't really about the competition at all. Just the fun of it.
She started digging a circle around her halfway done creation in order to make the moat. Every good castle had a moat, after all. "So what are the stakes this time?" She asked him. "I'll need to know what prize I'll be taking home with me," she said with mock arrogance in her tone.
Jasper truthfully didn't have much experience with sandcastles. Beaches were not typically a place where he or the family would visit often. The closest they had to it was Isle Esme, but Jasper wasn't going to think about the last time he'd been there. He instead focused on the task at hand. He mixed wet sand with dry sound to support the towers he was trying to construct, and he was using his pocket knife to carve in a stone-like finish at the tops of them.
"No cheating. That means you can't exhale on mine and claim it was a passing breeze," he joked.
Times like these made him forget about the trouble that had been brewing around them. This was their time; they were in their world. It was a world in which only the two of them existed. Most of the time, Jasper didn't want to go back to the other world, were complications, reality, and even danger lurked and threatened to cause problems for them. For now, they didn't have to worry about any of that. They just had each other and their makeshift sandcastles.
"Well I'm afraid I don't have any oversized stuffed woodland creatures to offer, and you already have my chauffeur services," he said with a smirk as he started on another portion of the castle. "We've already had a kiss as a prize. Wouldn't want to overuse that, would we?" He glanced over at her, his grin ever-present. "If you win, I'll take you to the library in Port Angeles for a day. The one with three stories. Now what do I get when I win?"
"Oh as if one little exhalation from me possibly knock- HEY!" she exclaimed, looking up and spying him using tools. She didn't have any tools! Why didn't she have any tools? "You can't use a knife!" she pouted.
"If you get to use that, I know you. You'll start making the damn Taj Mahal!" It was quickly apparent that Bella had no chance in winning this contest. His castle arches made with the illegal use of a knife made it actually resemble a castle top instead of just rounded blobs of sand. The design was very difficult to make without aid of special buckets that were formed to that shape already.
She was still determined, though, even if it was just to try and impress him with her pathetic castle-building abilities. "Hey!" she exclaimed again when he started in about prizes.
"First of all, that moose is near and dear to my heart, Jasper. I'm hurt that you wouldn't treat him with the utmost respect. I just saw that smirk," she said pointing a sandy finger at him. Of course she saw that smirk; it was adorable. But that was probably his clever plan all along – distract her with his handsomeness and cause her to lose. Bella didn't stand a chance when she was concentrating on him rather than anything else.
She never minded, though.
"And secondly, I don't think that kiss was established as an official winning prize. I was just feeling friendly that day," she said, trying with all her strength not to unleash the smile that wanted to be shown. "But I'll keep in mind that they can be so easily brushed off as once-and-done type deals."
The rest of the world didn't exist right now. It simply couldn't have. Bella was laughing and having fun, utterly careless with the person, this wonderful Jasper that she loved. This wonderful Jasper, along with being a good sandcastle builder, was also very good at picking prizes that she liked. She'd been wanting to go to the library in Port Angeles for a long, long time now. Bella loved places such as that, where she could get lost in a million different other people's stories. Just the look on her face when he mentioned it gave a hint as to how much she loved libraries.
"If you will, we'll take Annabelle for a special car-spa day," she said. "Washed, waxed, the works," she said. "If you trust anyone else to take care of her, of course," she added with a grin.
Jasper blinked and his eyes widened a little when she called him out on using tools. "You're making up rules as we go along now. There was never any indication about using tools. Am I to be punished for coming prepared for just this sort of occasion?"
He was trying not to laugh, though it was quite difficult. Bella made the most endearing expressions sometimes, and right now was no exception. There was a look of shock, annoyance, and determination on her face that seemed to culminate into a very pronounced pout. He really wanted to kiss her just then.
Really, really wanted to.
"That kiss was my consolation prize," he said, begrudgingly putting the knife away. He picked up a couple of stray pieces of seaweed to drape around the towers; makeshift ivy and moss growing on the stone. "And I must admit I liked it better than I would have enjoyed the moose, no offense to to him intended. I just happen to be quite fond of your kisses."
Regardless of the outcome, he intended to take her to that library anyway. It was something he thought she'd probably really enjoy doing, seeing as he'd found she liked to read as much as he did. He figured it would be an outing that would both get them away for some time alone, where they could be in their own world just as they were now.
"Annabelle deserves a spa day." Had Jasper been more like Emmett, he would have made some sort of joke about his car getting a 'waxing,' but he was too much of a gentleman to take things to that level.
"I'll have to supervise, though. She'd miss me too much if I left her alone in the care of anyone else." He gave her a knowing smile, as clearly his words had a bit of a double meaning, relating to her.
Bella could only keep from smiling for so long. When he called her out on unfairly determining the rules, she let one slip. A laugh came a second later when he tried to claim he'd come prepared for this.
"Right. You had it all planned out that we were going to have a sandcastle building contest so you tucked away a pocket knife for the challenge," she said. "Not a bucket or a shovel or anything. A pocket knife." There was really no point in trying to continue to mask smiles anymore. He had her smiling with everything he seemed to say.
"Now you're just trying to butter me up," she accused him when he complimented her kisses. But whether or not they were only joking with one another, that was one compliment that Bella really took to heart.
She didn't have to wonder about whether or not he enjoyed kissing her. Aside from the hint that they engaged in it frequently, he'd now verbally said it. Twice. The first had been when he told her he liked the way her lips felt on his skin. Just thinking about that memory was enough to cause Bella's cheeks to flush pink. She would never forget the way Jasper had looked when he whispered that in her bedroom.
She was glad that he liked her idea of a prize if he won. But like Jasper, Bella planned on presenting him with that even if he didn't win. She wanted to do something special for him and knowing how much he loved his car, she figured taking Annabelle to have some TLC would be one direct ticket to his heart. Bella caught the double-meaning in his words and she returned his smile. "Could you blame her?"
It was clear that Jasper won. His castle actually stood up and resembled a castle whereas hers was a lopsided…. collection of piles of sand. Jasper had even gotten creative with the seaweed. She was just about to give up completely and leave hers as was when she spied a seashell a little ways off. Moving toward it with sandy knees and calves, she plucked it from the sand and placed it gently on the tallest, least-blobby looking tower. It helped, but it was clear there was an obvious winner.
"All right, DaVinci," she said with a pout. "You win." Seven-year old sandcastle champion Bella would have been very disappointed with her future self's slipping art.
Jasper just shrugged in feigned innocence. "You know me. I plan ahead for everything," he said, playing on his natural inclination to be a strategist. He hadn't planned for this situation, of course; things had just worked out in his favor that way. "Always prepared, just in case I need to build a sandcastle."
He really wanted to drop the act, close the gap between them, and kiss her. He'd formed a strong attachment to Bella a long time ago, and the more time they spent together, the more that attachment grew. Yet it was in this most recent period of not being able to kiss her whenever he wanted or holding her during the night that made him even more attached and grateful for what time they did have together. He wanted to lay down in the sand with her and stay curled up together for the rest of the day. But he knew that these moments, when they could be playful with each other and laugh together, were just as important for them to share as the moments when they were locked in passionate kisses and tight embraces. They needed these light moments too.
"For now, I will accept this victory. However, there has not been an official ruling, so the finalized results won't be announced until tomorrow," he said, grinning at her. "Annabelle will be pleased about going to her day spa, though."
He stood up and brushed off his khakis. Jasper didn't mind getting his clothes dirty, even though it might've looked out of place for a Cullen to have any sort of disheveled appearance or flaw to the pristine way they presented themselves. Jasper just went along with it because it was how the Cullens lived, but he never really cared about anything like that.
He reached for her hand. "Keep walking? Or are you ready to go back?" They'd been out for a long time now, and he wanted to make sure they had time to find something for her to eat before they had to return to the house. Before he had to return to his tree.
Taking his hand, she got to her feet as well. "Hey, hey, not so fast. Don't I get something for a consolation prize?" she asked with a very pronounced pout of her lower lip.
Pouting, she figured, probably made her look ridiculous considering her top lip was fuller than her lower one. But she still made the effort in keeping up with the hurt pretense. Really? She was just after a kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck, mindful to keep her sandy hands away from his skin and his hair.
"I think I deserve one," she said with a grin against his lips as she tilted her face toward his and took her consolation kiss whether or not he was going to indulge her with one on his own.
Bella lingered there a little bit longer than perhaps she had intended to, but somehow she didn't think Jasper would mind all that much. Pulling back a hairs width, she kissed him twice more quickly before addressing his question.
"We can leave," she said. "But I don't want to go back right away," she said, a hint of a frown touching her lips.
It wasn't as if he would be completely gone – he would still be at her home keeping guard over it. But they wouldn't be alone and thus, she wouldn't be able to speak to him in the same manner, let alone cuddle up and kiss him whenever she wanted. It was easy to see, then, why Bella wouldn't be in a rush to get back.
"I know you aren't great with directions," she said with a small grin appearing once more. "I won't tell if you won't tell that you took a wrong turn on the way home," she said.
Letting go of him, her fingers sought out his, linking their hands together. The rough sand contrasted with the smooth marble feel of his, but she watched their palms push together. She noticed that she started to adopt his fixation with hands and how theirs fit together. They were so different and yet, they worked.
"I'm already dreading sleeping tonight," she confessed. "I miss laying with you."
Jasper gladly gave her the kiss she requested, and would have done so anyway because he wanted it just as much if not more. He grinned as she pouted. It would have looked silly on any other face, but on Bella, Jasper found it adorable. As her arms wrapped around her neck, his snaked around her waist and he pulled her against him just as their lips met. He would've vocally agreed that she deserved a kiss, but that would have taken away from the actual kissing, which he did not want to lose any part of.
When she pulled back from him, he kept his arms around her and listened as she spoke. He couldn't say he blamed her for not wanting to go back right away. He didn't want to either, but it made him feel good knowing she was reluctant to go. It meant she wanted to be with him, and that meant everything to Jasper. He didn't want to let her go, not ever. He knew Esme was good at sitting with her, and that he could still watch from afar, but he would've given his immortality for just another night to lay in bed with her.
"You're right, I'm terrible with directions. Emmett's suggested many times I get one of those GPS systems installed, but I think it would clash too much with Annabelle's interior. So, I'll just have to keep getting lost," he said with a smirk.
His playfulness was cast aside when she laced their fingers. He could feel her own mood shift from light to longing and his did too. He knew what was wrong before she even said it, because his own heart told him the same thing.
"I miss it too, but we'll figure it out. As soon as we've gotten the situation under control, it can go back to like it was," he said. "I promise, it won't be like this forever." Jasper brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
"Forever doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for me," she pointed out, pressing the tips of her fingers on one hand to his. "I have little less 'forever' every day. So that means that every night you stay outside, it's a little bit of 'forever' that's gone."
She wasn't trying to be negative – that was the last thing she wanted to do when they were having such a fun day on their outing. But she couldn't get over how badly she missed him. Even when he wasn't very far away.
"I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much when they're right here," she said, linking their fingers together and then unlinking them again. "But I miss you already."
Bella wanted to believe him – and she did – when he said that things wouldn't always be liked this and that soon enough, they would go back to what she had come to consider as being 'normal' with him spending the night with her. She wanted to call off the other Cullens and just assure them that the house was fine by now just so that she could sleep with Jasper again. But that was selfish and thus, couldn't do such a thing. Not only would she risk putting Charlie in danger if it really wasn't safe yet, but she couldn't stand the idea of Jasper being cornered alone again. Once had been enough to stomach and she refused to be responsible for any more scars he took.
It was starting to get colder as the day grew later and Bella knew that they didn't have all the time both of them wished for. But she couldn't help but to keep getting distracted by him. His eyes were captivating in their color. She was getting good at telling when he last hunted by what shade they were. She guessed, judging by their current coloring, that it had been only a few days before at the most. As she gazed at him, something came to mind that interested her. Letting go of one of his hands, Bella reached up to trail her fingers down one of his cheeks.
"What color were your eyes?" she asked.
Jasper lowered his eyes to the sand briefly. He missed her desperately. His fragile heart ached for her every night, even when he could be in the same room with her. He understood where she was coming from about the term 'forever,' and he didn't have the right answer for that at this point in time.
"I know," he said, and that was all he could say. He let her do as she wished with their fingers, lacing and unlacing them. He was just glad for the physical contact.
He knew his concept of time was far different than hers. Him saying they'd settle this matter 'soon' really didn't mean much. He was going to have to start thinking in terms of time for a human if he was going to be able to relate to her on this, and that would be a difficult habit to amend.
"We have right now, and that's what's important. Don't worry about anything else."
He couldn't feel the cold; not to the degree that she could feel it, but he knew she had to be experiencing it. He started to pull her close to him, but hesitated. That wouldn't help make it any less cold for her. When she stopped, he looked down at her. He lowered his hands to his sides once they were released and let her touch him as she pleased. The question of his eye color made him smile a little.
"They were green," he replied. "A pale green, with flecks of brown around the iris. At least, that's what Mama said. I was actually colorblind. So when I awoke and could see colors for what they were, you can imagine my surprise."
"Green," she repeated, peering into his eyes.
They were certainly devoid of any green shade now, but if Bella had to guess what color they used to be, somehow, she felt she would have guessed green before anything else.
"I could see that," she said thoughtfully, listening as he told her that he wasn't able to see color correctly when he was able to view the world as a human. A grin touched her lips when he said it was a shock for him to change. "I bet they were beautiful," she said, brushing her thumb against his cheek again.
"Those poor Southern girls. Didn't even stand a chance," she said fondly, almost as if she were proud of him for his wooing capabilities. She certainly wouldn't have been able to stand a chance against falling for him; Bella was sure of that.
Sighing, she dropped her hands to his sides and gave them a playful pat. "We should probably get back before Annabelle thinks we've forgotten about her," she said. She loved how passionate he was about his car. It was endearing and thus, she liked to play along and comment about the vehicle frequently. "Besides, we'll need to tell her that her owner just scored her a luxury car spa day."
Picking up her shoes, she started to turn back to the way they'd come, but stopped a moment later. Looking back at her sandcastle, she took the seashell she'd placed on the top and tucked it safely between her fingers. It was a tangible memory of this day and while she would always remember it in her head, she liked the idea of a physical object.
As they walked back to the car, Bella held his hand with her free one. "What will Esme say about your clothes?" she asked, grinning at his dirty knees.
It was a shame that his clothes were looking a bit grimy after they'd played around in the sand with their castles; he'd looked particularly handsome that day. Of course, he was always attractive to Bella, but something about the way he looked on that early evening. Just another reason she would be sorry to part ways with him when their time was over. That reminded her of something else just then.
"Oh, and your pillow. It doesn't smell like you as strongly anymore," she said with a hint of a pout again. That was a disappointment. If she couldn't have all of Jasper, at least she would have had his scent. But since it had been awhile since he'd rested on the pillow, the delicious, comforting smell was faded. "Think we can remedy that somehow soon?"
Jasper shrugged lightly and ducked his head just a little bashfully. He might have been a charmer, but he didn't really know how to take compliments about himself. He hadn't seen himself as anything special, but Bella was talking about him in such a favorable way. It made him feel good, but also a bit shy. He was smiling, but he most certainly would have been blushing if he had the ability to do so. He just turned his head towards her hand and kissed her fingertips before she dropped her hands to his sides.
"Yes, we wouldn't want Annabelle getting too lonely," he said, smiling down at her.
He watched her with adoration as she walked back to the sandcastle and plucked up the decorative shell. His eyes were locked on her, completely mesmerized by everything about her. He never wanted to look anywhere else but at her. Jasper would always remember this day, and he tucked it in with the many other memories they'd created together in their brief history being together.
Jasper laced their fingers as she took his hand again, and chuckled lightly at the question. "She might scold me for getting them dirty, but she'll probably just purchase new pants for me. I'm sure she'll wonder how they got dirty, but she probably won't ask."
He looked down at her as they made their way back to his car and kissed the top of her head. He frowned just a little when she mentioned his pillow was losing his scent. He knew how much it meant to her to have that, how it comforted her. He didn't know why, but if it was important to her then that was all that mattered.
"Of course," he said. He wasn't sure he could correct the problem that night, but he would as soon as he possibly could. "The next time we're alone, let's just stay in your room. I'll lay in bed with you all day. That should solve the problem."
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your continued support! It means a lot to us. We appreciate your feedback a great deal so don't be shy! We hope to bring you the next chapter very soon. Look for Jacob and a very defining moment for Jasper and Bella in the next part.
Lyrics: Ten, Jimmy Eat World