Kendall adjusted the sunglasses on his face as he looked around warily. He was sitting on a table outside a restaurant, sipping on a Strawberry milkshake that tasted like shit. Not that he knew what shit tasted like.

He looked around, not even the bitter taste of the shake nor the iciness doing much to calm his jittery nerves, as his mind raced with thoughts and memories. Waiting for Katie to arrive was getting to his head. What was she going to look like? Would she even come?

He bit his lip, chewing on it nervously as he set the cup down, mentally recording the name of the restaurant and contemplating whether to sue them for giving him shitty-tasting strawberry milkshake.

It would be kind of awkward, he thought, if Katie was actually the owner of the company. Ha.

The thought of Katie brought back the million-and-one questions that plagued him. What job was she working for? Was she working? Was she in university?

A voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Kendall Knight?"

He looked up to see a woman in a jeans and a shirt. He groaned internally. If she'd come to ask him for his autograph, he'd go mad. He wore the glasses to at least get some privacy for once.

He stood. "Yes?"

There was something about her eyes that struck him familiar. And then he remembered. Those same eyes, anger etched in them as he cowered in the ground in fear.

His mother's eyes.

The word slipped out before he could stop it, his voice was shaking, his hands were trembling, heart racing a hundred miles per hour. He stepped back, fear washing over him, leaving him feeling cold and vulnerable.

"Mom?"

...

"Kendall? It's me. Katie," she said, her voice pulling Kendall from going into possibly permanent shock.

"Ka-Katie," he said, the word feeling hard and unfamiliar in his mouth. She didn't look like Katie anymore. She was too grown up, and Kendall was beginning to think that maybe she'd grown out her nickname. "Katelyn."

Her face twisted into a grimace at her full name, before it transformed into a full smile. She pulled Kendall into a hug. "Kendall," she breathed. "I can't believe that after all these years..." she trailed off, relishing in the moment.

Kendall, on the other hand, was stiff as a board. Maybe he thought he could've done this, maybe he thought that he could've accepted Katie back into his life without second thought.

But he was wrong.

She looked so much like Jennifer Knight. The hair, the eyes, the face, the voice. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly; trying to relinquish any memories that were coming back, but it was futile.

Katie sensed his pain, just from the hug.

"Sorry," she said, pulling back. "You okay, big bro?"

Big bro. She hadn't called him that since... a long time. After all that happened, she just wanted to act like everything was like before?

It wasn't.

And maybe it never will be.

He looked down at her staring up at him with joy and love in his eyes, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't just forget everything that happened and take her back.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

He drew back slowly.

When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper.

"I can't do this."

...

James awoke from an amazing sleep due to some asshole banging on his door. He shook his head clear of thoughts that a certain green-eyed blond filled, and, not bothering to check himself in the mirror, he dragged his ass down the stairs to open the door and get rid of whoever the hell woke him up.

He leaned his head against the door tiredly, before unlocking the chain and opening it up.

"Listen ass-"

He stopped immediately, eyes wide. Kendall was standing there, his eyes were red, and there were mascara streaks making their way down his face and ruining his make-up.

"Kendall? What's wrong?" James, asked filled with concern.

The blond bit his lip. "I'm sorry for waking you up," he whispered. "Can I talk to you?"

...

"Logan hates me," Kendall mumbled, sinking into James' couch. "Logan hates me, Dak hates me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not your most favourite person right now."

James frowned. "So why choose me?"

Kendall looked up at him, his green eyes wide. "When we met all those years ago, how did you know to say those things?"

James twisted his face. "I was eleven. I probably didn't know what I was saying. I don't even remember anything."

But he did. He remembered every single thing that occurred then, every word uttered by him or Kendall.

"I do," Kendall said, passing a hand over his face. "I live by those words every day."

"You took advice from an eleven year old?" James said, gazing at the blonde.

Kendall shrugged. "So far it's worked well for me."

James moved closer to Kendall, wrapping a hand around the man's shoulders, ignoring the way he stiffened.

"Tell me what's wrong, Kendall," he whispered into Kendall's ear.

So Kendall told him.

...

"Whoa," was all James could say when Kendall was finished. He was shocked to learn that he had been through so much in his lifetime.

"I don't know what to do," Kendall whispered, sinking into James' embrace.

"But you're okay now," James said, holding Kendall tightly. "You're okay now, why are you so hung up on the past?"

"I can't help it," Kendall said, his voice breaking, and suddenly, his hands were fisting in James shirt and he was crying helplessly, James' arms around him, whispering soothing messages into his ear.

...

Kendall awoke, immediately wondering where the hell he was. He got up, James' arm falling from around his shoulders. James' arm? His head shot to the left, heart palpitating as he saw James laying back on the couch, his chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, his lips slightly parted. Kendall breathed in sharply.

James looked so beautiful, it hurt. He felt bad for dragging the brunet into his problems. He passed a hand over his face, sighing loudly. He had to leave before James woke up. He looked at the time. It was nine o'clock; Logan would still be awake.

Kendall walked over to the window, looking out into the night, up at the stars, remembering a promise that Logan made him years ago.

A promise that if they were ever apart, they would both look at the stars and remember that no matter where they were in the world, they were under the same sky, looking at the same stars.

Was he looking at the stars now?

...

Logan looked up at the stars, wondering where Kendall was. He felt so bad for what had happened the day before. He gazed at the stars, seeing the different constellations as they appeared to him.

His gaze drifted over the night sky. Capricorn, Taurus, Big Dipper, and Kendall's favourite, Orion. He could see them all.

He wondered if Kendall could see them also.

...

Kendall looked over at James, feeling bad for leaving the brunet by himself. The blonde placed a kiss on his forehead, freezing as James stirred. He breathed a sigh of relief as the brunet sighed softly and continued sleeping.

He walked out the door, hopping in his car. As he drove, ideas kept spinning in his head.

Was this even a good idea?

When he reached the house he was looking for, he came out, walking hesitantly up to the door. He reluctantly raised a hand and knocked on the door which opened, revealing Logan, who breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw the blonde.

"Look, Logan-", Kendall started, but was cut off as Logan engulfed him in a huge hug.

"I'm sorry, Kendall," Logan said, "I was an idiot. I'm sorry."

Kendall would lie if he said he wasn't crying. He was so scared he'd lose Logan. "I'm sorry, too," he replied softly, resting his head on Logan's shoulder.

They went inside, Logan's hand wrapped loosely around Kendall's waist, before the brunet turned to him with wide eyes.

"Give me your hand, Kendall," Logan said sharply.

Kendall looked up at him, eyes narrowing. "Why?"

Logan sighed. "You know why. Last time we had a fight, you cut yourself, and that was the only reason you apologized afterwards. Because you felt awful."

Kendall sighed, holding out his left hand. "You don't trust me?" He asked as Logan sighed in relief when he saw that the scarred hand had no new scars.

"So what happened?" Logan asked, curiously.

A small smile formed on Kendall's face. "James happened," he said softly, walking over to the window and looking up at the night sky, mirroring his position from earlier, when he was at James'.

The smile never left his face as he looked back at Logan. "Orion's out," he said, before turning back around to gaze at the sky.

When they were fifteen, Orion was his favourite constellation. It meant good luck to him. It was there when he had his first date with Logan; it was there whenever he needed it. Especially after he left that hellhole for good, that same night, it was there.

Logan swallowed slowly. There was a reason why he always excelled at a young age. He never forgot. He remembered all too well, every touch, every kiss. He frowned. What was wrong with him? What about Carlos? He yearned to touch the blonde, but refrained.

He bit his lip, holding back tears, remembering every starry night he spent with Kendall. He remembered every starry night he saved Kendall's life.

When he spoke, he spoke in the only other language he that Kendall knew, because he was sure his voice would've broken otherwise.

His voice was soft. "¿Qué hacer cuando el chico que te rompió el corazón… es el único que puede arreglarlo?"

Kendall looked back at Logan with wide eyes, the boy who's saved his life more than once.

The boy whose heart he'd broken more than once.

Logan could see the exact second his words sink in:

What do you do when the boy who's broken your heart... is the only one that can fix it?

...

James awoke, immediately missing Kendall's warmth. Where did he go?

He stretched and looked around, before hearing a car drive off. A feeling of dread filled his stomach. Kendall left him.

Kendall left him.

The words repeated in his head, over and over. Kendall left me.

He was never good enough for anyone, was he? His self-esteem dropped a notch, and suddenly the urge rose up in him. He need to something, anything.

Anything, to put his heart at ease.

No, not a razor. He'd given that up a long time ago, and he was determined to stay away from that addiction.

He pulled up his long sleeve, looking at the bunch of rubber bands there by his wrist. He pulled one, gasping sharply as he let it go against his skin, the stinging sending thrills down his spine. He repeated it, multiple times with the different rubber bands before he couldn't take it anymore, he just broke down and cried.

He had been heart-broken too much. He trusted people, and they broke his heart.

Sick with myself, but I've got no one else...

He parts the rubber bands, looking blankly at the swollen, red line around his wrist.

So I give it to myself, it's the only thing that helps...

He didn't understand why, why he was the one to be broken all the time. Why he was the one who was weak. He laughs softly.

It's the same thing, this pain thing that keeps me from sleeping...

His heart yearns for Kendall, he doesn't know what it is about the blonde, but he needs him. He grabs all the rubber bands at once, and pull them back so far, that a few burst, but that doesn't deter him. He lets them go on his skin, screaming as they make contact. The pain laces through his body, letting him know that he's still alive... and he's not dreaming.

Now don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and the sky... all we are is dust in the wind...

Sorry if it was a little too sentimental... School opens tomorrow, and I also feel a little depressed. Um. Review? Makes me feel a bit happier...

Last quote was from Dust in The Wind by Kansas, and the three quotes before that are from The Loss by Hollywood Undead. "Fifty Shades of Fucked Up", by well, you know - FSOG.

I hope you liked it, I'll try to update soon.

Love,

Chelzi xo.