DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters will never be mine. All characters in this fanfic except for maybe three belong to PLL. A few events in this fanfic were borrowed from the storyline of the PLL TV series. Since I never read the books and mostly focus on PAILY stuff when watching PLL, I have no clear idea about 'A' and their motives for torturing the Liars. That said the motives of the 'A'-team in this fanfic are entirely of my own creation.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For the lengthy version of what this fanfic is all about, please refer to the Author's Note in the first two chapters.
~To everyone who took the time to post their reviews about the story so far, THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT MY WRITING ARE SO, SO AWESOME. I am seriously overwhelmed. Again, so sorry if I only post one chapter each week since I still need to polish some of the details in every chapter I finish before posting so that the story flows well.~
~Don't you guys worry, this is a PAILY fanfic so they're bound to get back together eventually, but timing is everything and right now they still have a few issues to work out. I promise they'll get back together way before the last chapter. This story will be done a few days before 3b starts so the chapters are going to be quite lengthy. Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic and following it.~
Chapter 6: The List
"A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept." – Carlos Ruiz Zafón
"You look like crap." Dani said in greeting while she glanced briefly from her laptop as Paige entered their room.
Paige didn't have the energy to match Dani's banter and just flopped face down on the bed they shared. The drive home from Radnor with Emily was the most heartbreaking silence they ever endured. It's over. For real. Paige closed her eyes and fought the urge to cry. She missed Emily already.
Dani didn't seem to notice Paige's emotional turmoil as she continued to work furiously on something in her laptop when she suddenly paused and decided to look at the motionless form beside her. "Wait. Something's different with you. Are you wearing a dress?! Holy crap Paige that is a dress! I have never seen you in one before! Turn over! I wanna see!" She said teasingly while poking Paige's sides.
Paige just groaned in response, refusing to move. Dani finally stopped poking her best friend when she realized Paige had no intention of budging anytime soon.
"Where have you been anyway? I need to fill you in about what Caleb and I found out today but first I have a confession to make." Dani paused for dramatic effect. "Emily's friends know some of the things we found out. Caleb and I were busted by 'A' this morning. We were fooling ourselves into thinking we could outwit 'A' because 'A' has known all along that Caleb and I are now stepsiblings." Dani rambled. "We were caught by Emily's friends near your old house and when 'A' sent a text saying our ruse didn't work; we didn't see the need to keep them in the dark entirely. I mean, Ali was their friend." Dani said, trying to make Paige understand why she and Caleb chose to let the girls in on some of the leads they have so far. "But don't worry. We didn't tell them about the footage. That's the biggest lead we have so far so I know how important it is that we don't breathe a word of that to anyone. Not until we have enough proof."
At the mention of the footage, Paige finally turned over and looked at Dani. "I'm sorry if it seemed like ever since we returned all I did was focus on Emily." She said quietly. "Starting tomorrow I'll help you and Caleb follow-up on more leads."
Dani looked at Paige worriedly. Her best friend hasn't looked this crestfallen since that day. "Hey P, what happened to you today?" She asked gently. "The last time you were like this was when you and I..."
"I'm going to take a shower." Paige said abruptly, getting up from the bed and heading straight for the bathroom. "I need to get out of this dress." She said without looking back at Dani before closing the door behind her.
Oookay. I can take a hint. Dani said to herself as she continued to look worriedly at the closed bathroom door. There was only one person who could make Paige this withdrawn. Oh Emily. What did you do this time?
Paige sighed as she gently closed the bathroom door behind her. Seemingly in a daze, she went through the motions of undressing and forced herself to step under the showerhead before turning the handle. She let the icy water run through her body, hoping the cold will help numb the pain she was feeling. Defeated, she slowly sank to her knees and brought one hand to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her uncontrollable sobs. How many times do I have to let her go? Paige closed her eyes in pain. It's been two years but it still feels like yesterday.
Paige watched from the shadows miserably as Hanna gave Emily the letter she just wrote. Tears of regret and pain threatened to escape from her eyes as she watched Emily take the letter wordlessly and sink to her knees without reading it, her friends fighting back their tears, at a loss as to how to comfort her. She didn't know what else to do. After she told Emily last night that she could come with her, Paige decided to tell Emily's friends what she had to do and why Emily can't come. She needed their help to make sure Emily will not be alone when she realizes that Paige left without her. Paige smiled sadly as she let her tears fall. Emily is going to need them now more than ever. It took all of Paige's self-restraint to stop herself from rushing to Emily's side so that she could take the devastated girl in her arms, tell her she's sorry and that Emily can come with her. But she can't turn back now. Even if she wanted to take Emily with her she knew it wasn't right. She can't be selfish again. She won't let Emily ruin her life, her future, for someone who was so selfish she let her parents die so that the girl she loves could live. This was her punishment for surviving. You don't get to live and get the girl as well. You can't be that selfish. With one last look at Emily, Paige moved deeper into the shadows and took out her phone to make a call. She had one more stop before she left Rosewood.
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"Thanks for meeting me here." Paige said in a low voice as she followed Caleb inside the cabin where Nate held her and Emily captive. She gently closed the door behind her and looked at Caleb nervously. "You must be wondering why I needed to see you in secret."
"Actually I was wondering why you wanted to come back to this place." Caleb said, amused. "If you wanted to meet in secret there are other places around Rosewood I could have suggested that hold no bad memories for both of us."
"That's why no one would think we would come back here." Paige said wryly.
Caleb nodded. "Well when you put it that way..."
They looked at each other in silence for a while before Caleb spoke again.
"So. What's going on?" Caleb asked, suddenly serious.
"I'm leaving Rosewood tonight." Paige began. "And I need to know where Dani is." She said cautiously.
"Who's Dani?" Caleb asked, trying to look bewildered.
On any other day, Paige would find Caleb's inability to pretend he didn't know what Paige was talking about hilarious. But not today.
"Dani is my best friend and she also happens to be your stepsister. I need her help." Paige said seriously. "Please tell me where she is."
"How did you know?" Caleb asked, surprised.
"She told me." Paige said as she showed Caleb the letter Dani wrote to her a few years ago. "She really likes you." She added.
Caleb nodded. "I like her too. She's cool. That's why I can't tell you. It's too dangerous. I can't risk it. I'm sorry." He said apologetically.
"I get it." Paige said quietly. "You don't want anything to happen to anyone in your family again. But while your mom survived the accident 'A' caused, my parents didn't. So please tell me because I need to find the people who did this." She pleaded. "I care about Dani, Caleb. She's like the sister I never had. I will never let anything happen to her."
Caleb's brow furrowed. "Wait, what are you trying to say? Do you think your parents were killed by 'A'? Why?" Caleb asked, suddenly concerned.
"I'm not sure yet. It's just a hunch." Paige admitted. "But I was missing that day so I know there was more to the events that happened that night and the least I could do for my parents is find out the truth."
Caleb looked at Paige for a moment before taking out a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans. "Pen." He said while holding out his hand to Paige. Paige immediately handed him one and Caleb began writing something on the paper. "Memorize the address I wrote here and then burn this piece of paper." Caleb said as he handed it to Paige. "Promise me you'll keep Dani safe." He said before releasing his grip on the paper and pen.
Paige nodded. "I will." She promised. "Thanks." She said when Caleb finally relaxed his grip.
"And here." Caleb said as he reached into his jacket pocket to take out a phone. "This is a burner phone. Use it once then dispose it. That way 'A' won't be able to follow you. I can tell Dani you're coming if you want me to."
Paige shook her head as she took the phone from Caleb. "No. I think it's better if she doesn't know. I mean, do you usually tell her beforehand that you're coming over to visit her?" Paige asked.
"I don't." Caleb said. "That's because I haven't seen her in years. I met her once but that was it. Since then we just communicate through burner phones. We don't even trust e-mails as a mode of communication."
"So if I decide to tell her beforehand I need to use this phone right now to call her." Paige said. She thought for a minute and then shook her head. "I'd like to have this phone handy in case something goes wrong."
Caleb nodded. "Okay. Well then good luck." He said before moving towards the door.
"Caleb wait." Paige said, turning towards him. "I know this is asking too much but I need another favor." She took a deep breath. "I need you to look after Emily until she finds someone. Aria has Ezra, Spencer has Wren and Hanna has you. I just… I need to know she's going to be safe." Paige pleaded.
Caleb nodded. "You don't have to ask. I promise I'll look after her until you come back." Caleb said seriously. "Because you will come back Paige. You have to. So I'll keep other girls away in the meantime." He added, trying to lighten the mood.
Paige shook her head. "Please don't do that." She said softly. "I don't want her to be alone. I don't know when I'll come back or if I ever will. So don't do that. I want her to be happy again and loved. More than anything."
Caleb nodded his head once. "I'll keep her safe. Don't worry." He assured her.
"Thanks." Paige said as she pocketed the phone.
"And I'll do what I can to help you guys from here. Whatever you need just ask and I'll see what I can do." Caleb says earnestly before leaving.
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"So will you help me?" Paige asked Dani apprehensively as they sat facing each other in Dani's living room. The 8-hour bus ride she took to get to Dani should have made her feel tired and sluggish when she arrived, considering she didn't sleep a wink the entire trip, fearing her nightmares would startle the other passengers, but her desire to get to the bottom of things as soon as possible overpowered her fatigue.
Wordlessly, Dani stood up and went to her room, returning to Paige's side moments later with her laptop. "Where do we start?" Dani asked her best friend, which earned her a grateful but faint smile from Paige.
"Uh… can you hack into autopsy reports and stuff?" Paige asked uncertainly.
"Yeah but… whose reports do you want me to find?" Dani asked, confused.
Paige shrugged. "Ali's?" She said hesitantly.
Dani scratched her head. "There's a file of that in Rosewood. Let's put that under the list of things Caleb can get for us."
"Well then let's make a list of things we need to start this investigation." Paige said, the wheels in her mind suddenly turning. "Like… footage of the fire at the marina."
"Caleb." Dani said, typing on her laptop. "Next."
"Uh… okay since this thing could be related to Ali's murder let's find everything we can on every member of Ali's family." Paige suggested.
"Okay Caleb and I can both do that." Dani said, nodding. "What else?"
"Well the only other thing I can think of is retracing Ali's steps but not just on the day she went missing. More like, a few months back." Paige said uncertainly. "I don't think the answer lies on the day she went missing but on the days leading up to it."
"Okay well Caleb can find that out from Ali's friends. He'll find a discreet way to ask them." Dani said, looking at Paige thoughtfully.
"He doesn't have to find out everything Ali did. Just one or two things could help us. Once we're on Ali's trail I'm sure we'll find out the rest." Paige said, not wanting to involve Emily and her friends.
Dani nodded. "Okay. I'll call Caleb and tell him." She paused and looked at Paige before asking her next question. "Paige… where's Emily?"
Paige stiffened at the mention of Emily's name. She didn't really want to talk about her. She cleared her throat. "You two never really got along so she stayed behind." She said, looking everywhere but at Dani.
"You mean you left her behind." Dani said. "Paige that girl is so in love with you I don't think the thought of seeing me again would have stopped her from coming with you."
"Just drop it Dani. Please." Paige said in a tone that made Dani realize there's something Paige wasn't telling her.
"I'll call Caleb right now and let him know what we need. Then I'll start looking into the DiLaurentis family." Dani said as she stood up and made her way to her room again.
"I'm sorry." Paige called after her, rubbing the sides of her forehead. "I just…"
"I know." Dani said, looking at Paige. "I get it. You don't have to apologize. I shouldn't have asked."
"I'll tell you some other time." Paige said, suddenly feeling tired.
"You need to get some sleep P. You can take the guestroom. And if you want to take a shower I think there's still some hot water left." Dani offered, noticing that Paige was trying hard not to show how worn-out she is. "We don't have anything to go on with anyway. Not until Caleb and I find something." She added. "Seriously. You need to rest for a bit."
Paige nodded. "You don't know how much this means to me Dani. Thanks. For everything." She said as she stood up and headed towards the guestroom.
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The first week of their investigation yielded no new leads. Ali's autopsy report didn't shed much light into what they already know about how Ali was killed and there was no mention of the evidence tested by Dani's father. This frustrated Paige because she had a strong feeling that the results of that test will lead them to Ali's killer and possibly her parents'. Caleb and Dani's initial investigation into the DiLaurentis family also yielded no new information other than the fact that as everyone knew by now, Jason is Ali's half-brother. Dani noticed that Paige always wakes up in the middle of the night trashing around. Her best friend was having recurring nightmares but she refused to talk about it, insisting she has it under control. But Dani knew better. Paige was getting more and more restless and she was trying hard to control her rage. Dani called Caleb and said he needed to find something, anything, about Ali's whereabouts before she died. And soon.
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"I'm headed to Radnor." Paige said to Dani as she moved towards the front door. "I'll be back tomorrow."
"What's in Radnor?" Dani asked, confused.
"Support group for people with MDD." Paige said nonchalantly as she reached for the doorknob.
"Whoa!" Dani moved so fast Paige thought she appeared out of nowhere. "You didn't mention things got so bad you started attending a support group for your depression." Dani said, standing between the door and Paige, concern evident in her voice.
"Dani." Paige sighed. "I'm better now. I just need to go there whenever I start to feel... out of control." Paige said quietly.
"Paige we're getting somewhere. I know it's frustrating that the progress is slow but we're getting somewhere." Dani said, knowing their lack of progress was what was causing her best friend to be this tense.
"I just really need to go there." Paige said softly, not looking at Dani.
Dani sighed and moved out of the way. "We are not done talking about this. You have a burner phone with you right?" She asked as Paige went out the door.
"Yes mom. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow." Paige said as she closed the door behind her.
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Paige stayed hidden as she contemplated what she was about to do. She couldn't help it. Rosewood was only a few hours away from Radnor and before she knew it she found herself standing across the street from Emily's house, hiding in the shadows. She took out the phone and dialed her number.
"Hello." The sound of Emily's voice made Paige smile sadly.
"Hey gorgeous." Paige said in greeting.
"Please tell me this isn't a prank call." Paige heard the catch in Emily's voice.
"No. It's not. It's me." She said, deciding to sit on the damp grass when she saw a light turn on in Emily's bedroom.
"Paige!" Paige smiled through her tears when she heard the sheer happiness in Emily's voice.
"I take it you're not mad. I thought you were going to be mad." Paige said softly. "For me leaving you like that. I'm so sorry."
Paige imagined Emily shaking her head and smiled at the thought of her soft, long hair cascading around her shoulders. "No. Well I wasn't exactly happy with the way you left but… the letter. Your letter made me get it." Emily said quietly. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." Paige said breathlessly.
"Where are you? How's the search going?" Emily asked softly.
"I can't tell you and slow." Paige replied. "But I don't want to talk about that. Tell me about your day." Paige said as she rested her head on a tree trunk and continued looking up at Emily's window. She must look ridiculous but she didn't care.
"Well I don't think I have to tell you how it just got a whole lot better." Emily laughed melodically but Paige heard her tears. She smiled softly and listened as Emily continued to tell her about her day. "Well let's see, I pretty much stayed at home the whole day and I wasn't really in the mood to do anything so I just watched Rudy three times…"
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"I need to go. I'm about to run out of minutes." Paige said apologetically. They've been talking on the phone for almost half an hour and Paige knew she was running out of time.
"Will you call me again tomorrow?" Emily asked Paige hopefully.
"I don't know." Paige teased as she stood up. "Let's make a deal. Promise me you won't watch Rudy again and I'll call you." Paige said, knowing Rudy is Emily's go-to comfort film. "I don't want you to be sad Em." She said seriously.
"Then come back to me already." Emily whispered sadly.
"I can't. Not yet. Just promise me you'll try. Please." Paige said pleadingly.
"Okay. Promise to call me and I won't watch Rudy." Emily said after a beat.
"No gorgeous. Promise me you won't watch Rudy and I'll call you tomorrow. Not the other way around." Paige said.
"How will you know if I keep my end of the deal?" Emily asked.
"I trust you." Paige said sincerely.
"Okay I won't watch Rudy anymore." Emily said quickly.
"Then I'll call you tomorrow." Paige promised. "And don't tell anyone I called you." She added.
"Okay. It's our secret." Emily said. "Paige…" Emily started.
"I know. Me too." Paige whispered, ending the call.
She waited for Emily to turn off the light in her bedroom before slipping out of the shadows to throw the phone in the nearest dumpster and started making her way towards the direction of the bus station, a solitary figure walking down an empty street.
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Caleb was having no luck in finding any video footage of the night of the fire at the marina. The security cameras placed strategically near the docks were mysteriously shut off around the time of the fire. He told Dani and Paige that he planned on hacking into the security feeds of the establishments near the marina hoping one of them would yield a lead.
For their part, Dani and Paige continued to look into the family of Alison DiLaurentis, desperate to find any clue as to the whereabouts of any female relative she might have. So far, they found 4 aunts (2 on each side of the family) and 4 cousins (on her mother's side) but no sister.
The sudden surge of possible leads they could follow didn't hinder Paige's nightly visits to Radnor and Rosewood and despite the fatigue she was feeling from the trips, Paige continued to watch over Emily, reminding herself that after this is over maybe she still had someone to come home to.
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Before she knew it, two months have passed since Paige left Rosewood. Almost two months have gone since she started calling and visiting Emily every night.
She got so used to patiently waiting in the shadows for Emily to get home by herself before she called her that she was surprised when she saw her walk home tonight with a girl. The girl was pretty. Even from a distance she could see that. She watched as the girl said something which earned her a half smile from Emily. When they reached the front of Emily's house, the girl waited until Emily was inside before walking back to the direction they came from. She walked Emily home. It wasn't much but it was a start. This girl likes Emily.
When she finally called, she wanted to ask Emily about it but that would mean letting her know that for the past few weeks she'd been acting like a stalker, lurking in the shadows from across Emily's house, so she didn't. Emily didn't mention the girl when she asked her about her day so Paige had no choice but to let the matter drop. But she had to know.
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"Hey Caleb." Paige said into the phone as she lied down on her bed, her gaze transfixed to the ceiling.
"McCullers. How can I be of service?" Caleb greeted her.
"How's Emily doing?" She asked, getting straight to the point.
"Good. She's maintaining her GPA for the scholarship, winning meets, hanging out with her friends more often…" Caleb rambled.
"Seeing anyone?" Paige asked before she could stop herself.
Caleb laughed. "No. She still talks about you constantly. But… there is this girl. Her co-worker. Her name's Tara something or other. She's new around town. Spencer told me she caught Tara making googly eyes at Emily on more than one occasion, and that she's easily flustered when around her too. Kind of like you before you and Emily became a couple." He said.
"You're hilarious." Paige said dryly, rolling her eyes.
"I try." Caleb answered. "Why do you ask?" He inquired, suddenly serious.
"No reason." Paige said offhandedly, not wanting to give away the fact that she was visiting Emily every night. "You think she's serious about Em?" She asked after a beat.
"Spencer said from the looks of it she is but Emily won't give her the time of day because of a certain someone." Caleb replied.
"That shouldn't stop her. If she really likes Em she won't give up." Paige said assuredly.
"Who knows? Maybe one day she'll actually do something about it." Caleb said. "Until then as promised I'll look after Emily." He said earnestly.
"Thanks." Paige said, ending the call.
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"Off to Radnor again?" Dani asked as Paige was on her way out. "Or is it Rosewood?" She added.
Paige turned around and looked at Dani guiltily. More than two months have passed since Paige sought Dani's help to find out the truth about the accident and Dani noticed that ever since Paige's first visit to Radnor, her best friend always went out, promising to return the next day. At first she didn't say anything about it thinking Paige wanted to control her rage but as the days passed, she seemed to notice that Paige bought burner phones on a daily basis. She was calling someone and it didn't take a genius to know who it was.
"Yeah." Paige nodded. "I meant the Radnor part not the Rosewood part." She added hurriedly.
"P, you don't have to lie. She's your girlfriend. It's not wrong to want to see her." Dani said, confused as to why Paige was trying to hide the fact that she was missing her girlfriend. When Paige didn't say anything, realization dawned on her. "She is your girlfriend right?" Dani asked cautiously.
"I don't know what we are anymore." Paige admitted after a beat. "She doesn't even know where I am or that I'm with you."
"And she doesn't know that when you call her you were actually visiting her too." Dani finished.
"I figured it was better this way. I put her through so much already." Paige said, defeated. "I don't want to keep holding her back. I know she's having a hard time through all of this. She doesn't say it but I can feel it."
"Paige you didn't have to lie to me about it. It's none of my business anyway. You came to me for help on the accident. Not about you and Fields." Dani said gently. "But if you're finding a way to let her go those late night calls and visits better stop at some point." Dani reprimanded her sympathetically knowing she was telling Paige something she already knew.
"I know. I'm just waiting for something." Paige said as she held the door open.
"What's that?" Dani asked, curious.
"For someone to step up." Paige said before heading out the door.
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For days she patiently watched as Tara walked Emily home every night, not doing anything other than wait for her to get inside her house before walking back to the direction they came. She began to notice how Emily was becoming more comfortable around Tara and at one point saw them walking with their shoulders brushing. It was almost time. Little by little, her calls to Emily started getting less frequent even if her visits remained on a daily basis. Sometimes she just watched Emily from the shadows, leaving once she sees the lights turn off in Emily's room. Soon Emily won't need her anymore. Soon she would have no one to come home to.
She was on her way to the bus station when a set of car lights stopped just beside her. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice that the once deserted streets at this time of night had an unexpected commuter. Before she could hide, she found herself standing face to face with Spencer Hastings.
"Paige?" Spencer said incredulously. "Oh my god, are you back?!" She asked while hugging Paige.
Paige hugged Spencer briefly before distancing herself and shaking her head. "No. I was just passing by." She said uneasily.
"Where were you headed? Emily's house is in the opposite direction." Spencer asked, confused.
"Bus station. I have a trip to catch." Paige said while turning her back to start walking again.
"I'll take you there." Spencer offered quickly as she grabbed Paige's arm. "Come on. Get in. You look like you're about to collapse."
Paige reluctantly got into the passenger seat of Spencer's car. She didn't realize how tired she was until now.
"Emily's doing better." Spencer began. "She's maintaining her GPA, winning meets, spending time outside of her house…"
"She found someone else yet?" Paige asked, knowing the conversation was about to go there anyway.
"You tell me." Spencer said after a beat. "You just came from Emily's didn't you? You saw her with Tara." She asked gently. When Paige didn't say anything, she continued. "She kinda reminds me of you actually. She wears her heart on her sleeve so it's pretty easy to see that she's smitten with Em."
"How does Em feel about her?" Paige asked while looking out the window, her voice never betraying the pain of having to ask that question.
"She likes her. I mean she's comfortable around her. I don't know if she sees Tara that way yet but she's letting Tara walk her home every night so that's something." Spencer said carefully. "Do you want her to be with Tara?" She asked gently, glancing briefly at Paige.
Paige didn't say anything for a moment, thinking about Spencer's question. "I want Emily to find someone who would make her laugh again. Someone who would always make her feel that she's loved." Paige said softly. "If Tara can be that person then I want Em to be with her."
"You're gonna give up just like that?" Spencer asked incredulously. "Paige this is Emily we're talking about. If I remember correctly before any of this ever happened you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with her. Don't tell me you changed your mind just like that." Spencer said, suddenly incensed with Paige's aloofness. "Take my advice and let go of your rage before it's too late." She added. "Otherwise stop lurking around like a stalker because something tells me this isn't the first time you've come to visit her without her knowledge."
"I just want to see her and make sure she's doing fine Spencer. It's not like I'm hurting anyone." Paige said defensively.
"And you think that's fair to her? You get to see her but she doesn't get to see you? When she finds out you've been visiting her all this time it won't be pretty. Trust me." Spencer said seriously.
"She won't find out if you don't tell her." Paige said matter-of-factly as Spencer pulled up in front of the bus station.
"You're right. She won't find out. At least not from me. I won't tell her because she's been doing better lately. You didn't bother to stick around to see the mess you made. But I did. So did Hanna and Aria. And the last thing we want is to clean up after another one of your messes." Spencer said stonily.
Paige nodded once and then got out of the car. "Thanks for the ride. And for looking out for Em. I'm sorry I broke her heart." Paige said sincerely before turning around to walk towards the entrance of the bus station.
"You were wrong about something." Spencer called out after her, making Paige turn around. "About not hurting anyone. If you keep doing this… one day you'll get hurt."
Paige shook her head and smiled faintly. "It already hurts."
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Caleb's continuing search for any footage from one of the establishments that lined the marina still yielded nothing but he promised to keep looking. By this time Paige's calls to Emily were getting rarer, with Paige saying it was because she was busy following good leads when in fact she still watched Tara and Emily's interactions while staying in the shadows. One of these days Tara was going to step up. She could feel it.
The day she finally did was the day of Emily's birthday. Of course Paige knew this day would eventually come but nothing prepared her for the heartbreak. Knowing something was about to happen and seeing it actually unfold in front of your eyes are two very different things.
She wanted to surprise Emily tonight. Tonight she decided she was going to actually show up at Emily's front step and give her gift in person. That was the plan. But when she saw Emily and Tara on the front porch of Emily's house sitting side by side, their arms and shoulders brushing, she knew she stumbled upon a private moment between them and her plan changed. Emily's head was angled upwards, her eyes looking at the night sky, saying something to the girl sitting beside her while Tara just smiled at her. Never taking her eyes off her, never bothering to hide her attraction. Paige didn't realize she was holding her breath until she saw Tara lean in and kiss Emily, didn't realize she was holding back tears until she saw Emily reach out one hand and cupped the side of Tara's face as she deepened the kiss and Paige swore she felt her heart break. She willed herself to look away and finally did when she couldn't see them anymore through her tears. She was reminded once again of the reason she left. Because she can't be selfish. Emily deserved better. Silently, she backed away, once again finding herself hiding in the shadows, at a loss as to what to do next.
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Hanna finally opened the door on Paige's 4th knock. She took one look at Paige before breaking into a grin.
"Paige!" Hanna greeted her, smiling warmly. "For a minute there I thought you wouldn't show up!" She said as she held open the door to let Paige in.
Paige stepped inside and was immediately greeted by the warmth of Hanna's house. She didn't realize she was shivering from the cold.
"You remembered what today was!" Hanna said as she moved around the room, getting ready to head out. "I'm on my way to Emily's right now so we can go together, although I'm kinda surprised you didn't head there yourself." She said as she stopped to finally look at Paige.
Paige smiled faintly, hoping Hanna wouldn't notice her distress. "I really can't stay. I was just passing by and I wanted to give Emily this." She said as she held out the small box she was holding in one hand. "Will you give it to her?"
Hanna frowned. "Why can't you give it to her yourself? I'm sure she'd love to see you. Especially today." She said gently.
"I doubt that." Paige said sadly, earning a confused look from Hanna. "I mean, I don't think it would be a good idea, me showing up out of the blue and then having to leave again. I don't want to put her through that all over again." Paige said hurriedly. "Just please give this to her. Tell her I gave it to you before I left and told you to give it to her today." She said pleadingly.
"You want me to lie to Em?" Hanna asked disbelievingly. "No way Paige. I can't do that." She said, shaking her head.
"Would you rather I show up and leave her again? I'm not staying Hanna. Whether you give this to Emily or I do, I'm still leaving." Paige said quietly. "I can't imagine what I must have put Emily through the first time I left; I don't want to do it again."
Hanna sighed and took the box reluctantly from Paige. "This sucks. You suck." She said while shaking her head. "Just come back to Emily soon Paige. I want to see her smile again. Like, really smile."
Paige nodded as she made her way towards the front door. "Thanks for looking after her. Don't worry about it. Maybe after tonight you'll see her real smile again." She said, trying to sound optimistic before walking out the door.
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Dani noticed the change in Paige when she returned the next day. Her best friend seemed withdrawn and distant and it took her a while to respond when Dani asked what was wrong. Paige stood for a moment in the middle of the living room, seemingly in a daze, and said she thought she could take it but that nothing prepared her for the pain. She looked at Dani and said she did the right thing but Dani realized Paige was trying to convince herself. When Dani asked again what happened, Paige finally revealed that Emily found someone else and that her days of late night phone calls and visits to Rosewood have come to an end. When Dani asked how she is, Paige just said she couldn't breathe and collapsed in tears right in front of her, bringing Dani to her knees in an effort to comfort her inconsolable best friend.
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After that night Paige never called Emily again. She had to let Emily properly move on and she knew if she kept calling a part of Emily would be holding back. She wanted Emily to completely let go. So she stopped calling for Emily's sake. But she stopped visiting for her sanity.
Convinced that nothing was tying her to Rosewood anymore; she decided to let go little by little by selling her parents' house and devoted every waking moment to finding out the truth about the accident instead. Their luck was changing gradually. Caleb learned that Ali spent a summer in the Hamptons and she and Dani were making plans on following that lead. She just needed to tie a few loose ends.
"Paige?" She felt the hand of someone on her arm and knew who it was before she turned around.
"Aria." Paige said in greeting. After her meeting with the realtor to finalize some last minute paperwork, she decided to drop by Lucky Leons before heading to the bus station. She remembered how much Dani loved their cupcakes and decided on a whim to surprise her best friend with a box of assorted ones. It was the least she could do after everything Dani did for her these past few months. She forgot that Aria worked for Laurel Tuchman, whose shop was just beside Lucky Leons. Busted.
"I saw the 'FOR SALE' sign in front of your house." Aria said, getting right to the point. No pleasantries whatsoever. "So you really are leaving Rosewood for good. Nothing holding you back here anymore?" She asked rather bluntly.
There was still one thing that tied her to Rosewood which no one knew about so Paige just nodded. "I figured it was time to let go." She answered knowing Aria understood she wasn't just talking about the house.
"Yeah." Aria nodded. "I can see that. You certainly have the knack for doing whatever you want while the rest of us watched helplessly as Emily broke down for the second time since you left her." She said frankly. "No goodbye whatsoever huh? You couldn't be bothered to tell her yourself that you changed your mind and decided you weren't coming back after all. You had to let her find out by letting her pass by your house and see the sign with her own eyes." Aria shook her head disappointedly. "How could you do that?"
"I already said goodbye to her Aria." Paige said quietly.
"When?! You promised you were coming back. That promise was what kept Emily going. Selling your parents' house doesn't exactly scream I'm coming back Paige. It screams I'm cutting all ties to Rosewood." Aria said disapprovingly.
"I don't want to give her false hope. I won't allow her to just wait for me when I'm not even sure I'm coming back. She has to move on." Paige argued. "And so do I."
"Well you should have told her that in your stupid letter." Aria said, irritated. "Now she's all depressed again no thanks to you."
Paige made the mistake of letting her guard down just when she thought Aria wasn't looking and noticed the look of realization dawn on Aria. Quickly, the girl grabbed her hand and led her away from Lucky Leons towards Laurel Tuchman's shop.
"What are you doing?" Paige asked, confused. "I have a bus to catch."
"This won't take long." Aria said before leading the way inside the store. "Sit." She ordered Paige sharply as she went to the back room.
Moments later, Aria emerged holding what looked like a wallet-sized black and white photo and sat beside Paige. "Because of the tragedy that occurred we sometimes forget what happened the day before." She said quietly as she handed her the shot she took of Emily and Paige at the marina looking overwhelmingly happy and in love. "You still have a reason to come back Paige. Rosewood will always be your home. Even if you sold your parents' house. Because of her." She said, while looking at Emily in the picture. "No matter what happens, there is always hope for the people in that photo. So come back to her."
Paige nodded wordlessly and brushed the tears stinging her eyes before standing up. "Don't tell her you saw me." She whispered pleadingly as she hugged Aria goodbye.
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"Are you sure you want to do this?" Dani asked, concerned, as she looked at Paige who was sitting beside her in their rental car, looking outside the passenger side window.
Today was the day they decided to pursue the possible lead at the Hamptons and they opted to rent a car to get there instead of riding public transports. They were about to leave Dani's apartment when Paige asked Dani to drive her to Rosewood first because she needed to do one last thing.
It took a while for Paige to answer Dani's question as she was too preoccupied watching the figure cleaning tables at the Brew. "I need to do this." Paige said as she nodded distractedly. She took one look at Dani and smiled faintly. "I'll be back before you know it." She said before opening the car door and making her way to Tara, steeling herself for what she was about to do.
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"Hey there." Paige said as she approached Tara timidly. In the light of day, she finally got a chance to see up-close the girl Emily started dating. She was really pretty and had an air about her of genuine niceness. "You probably don't know who I am." She began.
"Paige, right? Em's ex-girlfriend." Tara said while giving her an open smile. "I saw a photo of you and Em in her room. Although I have to say that photo doesn't do you justice." She explained.
She's calling her Em and she's been in her room. That was fast. Emily must really like her. Paige hid her surprise and nodded. "Thanks. And you're Emily's new girlfriend."
"Tara." Tara said while extending her hand. Paige clasped it and shook it firmly. "If you're looking for Em, she's not here. Her shift's this morning. You can try the natatorium at her campus though if you really need to talk to her." Tara said, going back to cleaning tables.
Paige shook her head. She committed to memory Emily's work schedule so she knew it was the perfect opportunity to talk to Tara. "I actually came here to talk to you." She said anxiously, following her around. "Do you have a few minutes to spare?"
Tara looked at her curiously. "Sure. I actually have a break coming up but why do you want to talk?"
Paige shrugged. "Just needed to say something. Can we go someplace private? I really don't want anyone to see me. I'm not supposed to be here." She said quietly.
Tara nodded. "I figured. Emily told me you were in this quest or something so I was kinda surprised when you showed up. Here, this way." Tara said as she made her way inside the shop and led the way to an alcove that was relatively hidden from the rest of the shop. She took a seat on one of the couches and motioned for Paige to sit on the other.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" Tara asked while looking at Paige, slightly amused.
"Emily." Paige said intently. Tara just nodded, letting Paige continue. "I'm not trying to come between you two or anything." She said hurriedly. "I just want to make sure that this time she's with someone who will stick around so I want you to know her."
"How did you know we were going out in the first place?" Tara asked, a little confused. When Paige's face turned red, Tara laughed. "You've been asking around haven't you? It's cool. If I have an ex-girlfriend as amazing as Emily I would ask around too."
Paige breathed a huge sigh of relief. For a second she thought Tara was going to say it seemed like Paige was watching Emily. She nodded. "Yeah. I've been asking around. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure she's with someone who knows her worth." She said sincerely.
"Of course. That's really cool of you." Tara said as she nodded and smiled understandingly. "I really like her Paige. I'm not going to hurt her." She admitted earnestly.
Paige nodded in affirmation. "That's good to know." She said, suddenly feeling a little comforted at the thought that she was leaving Em at the hands of someone who will really take good care of her.
"So what do you mean by you want me to get to know her?" Tara asked curiously.
"I just want to make sure that you won't give up on her so easily that's why I want to tell you a few things about her." Paige said apprehensively while looking down. It took all of her strength just to come up to this girl. She needed more for what she was about to do. She swallowed hard and looked at Tara directly. "Here's the thing. Emily, she's, uh… imperfectly perfect. She has quirks and irks and it may take some time to get used to it but she's definitely worth it." She began as Tara listened attentively.
"Like, when she goes to sleep, don't forget to get her a glass of water and place it on her bedside table because she tends to get thirsty in the middle of the night and she can rouse the entire household while trying to get one from the kitchen." Paige smiled forlornly as she tried to remember everything she can about Emily. "She doesn't really like the crust of a sandwich so when you make her one don't forget to remove it. Then slice the sandwich diagonally. She likes to eat her sandwiches like that." She continued.
"I don't know how she does it but she has this weird knack for running into glass doors so you better get used to opening doors for her. Even car doors. Just to be safe." She chuckled, fondly remembering the times Emily ran into glass doors. "Uh, always, always treat her like a lady so pull out a chair for her whenever you can, and when you go on dates, make sure you stand up whenever she leaves the table." She said smiling softly.
She shook her head, smiling at another memory. "She has this crazy thing for heights and a Ferris wheel always does the trick. It makes her giddy like a 5-year-old on a sugar rush; it's so adorable I swear." She said, grinning. "So if you don't like heights find a way to distract yourself when you're at the top. I say this because she likes staying at the top for a few minutes; it makes her feel like she's part of some grand plan, so before you ride one tell the operator to keep your car at the top for a few minutes."
She cleared her throat. "When you pick her up for a date and you have a car never honk the horn to let her know you're outside. Go to her front door and wait for her there. She and her parents deserve to be treated with respect so greet her mom and tell her of your plans for the night and promise that you'll get her daughter home safe." She paused, suddenly remembering something. "Speaking of her mom, always bring her flowers when you come by to visit them. Daisies are her favorite. As for her dad, it may not seem like it but she misses him a lot. They both do. So make it a point to really listen when they talk about him."
She bit her lower lip, trying to stop the tears from coming. "She already dated someone who treated her mom with disrespect and I can't let her go through that again… her parents are wonderful people so please make an effort to be on their good side and spend time with them when you can because she deserves someone who would respect and love the people who raised her to be the woman she is today… I mean, you've been around Emily for quite a while so you know how extraordinary she is. A woman like that is a testament to the parents who raised her." Paige said, her voice catching in her throat. This was harder than she thought.
"Uh, she probably knows it already but never get tired of telling her she's beautiful every day and kiss her forehead before you part ways with her. If you can, walk her to class and be sure to carry her books and stuff." She continued lightly. "Oh, be sure to carry a cherry or strawberry licorice with you at all times because she has this habit of biting her pens. So when you see that happen gently take the pen away and offer her a licorice stick instead. It works every time." Paige smiled proudly. "She doesn't really like bouquets. A single flower will do. Just make sure every day you give her a different one. And try to spend time with her friends. They mean the world to her so if you get along with them it would make her really happy."
"She tends to be preoccupied when she knows she isn't walking by herself so when crossing the street you have to make sure that you stay on the side of the oncoming traffic so that you'll keep her safe all the time." Paige furrowed her brows before continuing. "By the way, if you haven't watched Rudy I suggest you rent it one of these days. It's her go-to comfort film so when you see her feeling sad or down, just suggest watching it with her. But just to be sure, you better start collecting funny stories to tell in case Rudy doesn't work." Paige said, reminding herself that she was doing the right thing.
"If you want to see her blush, just tuck her hair behind her ear and let your hand linger there for a second. Trust me, you'll want to make her blush every chance you get because when that girl blushes she can make your heart race a mile a minute." She smiled wistfully. "Laugh at her funny stories and her jokes even if it's corny or weird or you don't get it at first. Because when that girl smiles at you everything is right in the world." She bit her lip to keep herself from breaking down. She was almost done.
"When you guys go to a party make sure that you don't drink too much because you're the designated driver in these situations. Always. Her body has a low tolerance for alcohol but she won't admit it so she tends to get drunk easily. And though she's very endearing when she's drunk, the next day she's anything but." Paige said while shaking her head, smiling wryly. "She tends to get cranky sometimes when she has a huge hangover the next day but breakfast in bed definitely changes her mood." She said confidently. "I have to warn you though. She's not that great of a cook; she actually landed me in a hospital once for food poisoning." She chuckled at the memory. "But if the time comes that she cooks for you; eat it all even if it tastes funny. Just drink lots of water to wash it down." Paige said reassuringly.
"Lastly, she has an amazing heart so be patient with her when she talks about me from time to time. Don't get mad at her and don't be jealous. She just tends to have a hard time letting go of the people she used to love. But she'll get there eventually." She said softly, swallowing hard, her throat constricting at the thought that one day Emily will forget her. She stood up and Tara followed suit. "The rest you have to figure out for yourself." She smiled at Tara. "I have to get going. My friend's probably wondering what happened to me."
Tara nodded. "Thanks for coming by. Don't worry; I'll take really good care of her." She promised earnestly. "And you don't have to ask. This stays between us." She added, knowing Paige wanted to keep their meeting a secret from Emily.
"Thanks." Paige said gratefully as she moved to leave the alcove.
"Can I ask you something?" Tara said suddenly, making Paige turn back to look at her. "Why?" Tara inquired. "If you love her this much, then why are you walking away?" She asked, clarifying her question.
Paige smiled feebly. "It's because I love her so much more than this. But there comes a point where I realize that I have nothing left to give. That's why." She said sadly before leaving.
She hurriedly made her way across the street to Dani, who was looking at her worriedly. "Everything okay?" Dani asked once she got inside the car. "Paige?" She asked anxiously as Paige seemed so crestfallen the moment she got in.
"There's nothing for me here anymore." Paige said distantly. "Let's go to the Hamptons."
"Hey P, you okay? You've been in there awfully long for a shower." Paige's eyes snapped open when she heard Dani knock on the bathroom door frantically.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I'll be out in a sec." She called out. She hurriedly moved to turn off the water before she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself before walking out of the bathroom.
"Finally. I thought you slipped and fell. Or worse." Dani said cautiously to Paige, subtly hinting that she thought Paige could have inflicted self-harm the way she'd been acting the moment she got back. "What's going on?" She asked as Paige donned a pair of denim shorts and a navy blue tank top, making her look away as her best friend changed.
Paige lied down on the bed next to Dani and looked at the ceiling for a moment before closing her eyes. She could feel Dani's worried gaze beside her. "Emily cheated on me." She said, defeated. Saying the words out loud made it real, made it sting a thousand times more than the blade she used to cut herself in the past. She felt like she was just gutted.
Dani was silent for a moment, not knowing how to react to what Paige just said. "When? With who?" She asked when she finally found her voice.
"The day I was about to go home from Radnor. I knew something was wrong. She was late and when she arrived she had been crying and seemed so upset." Paige sighed, suddenly exhausted. "First with Nate. Now with Tara." She said absentmindedly.
"Whoa. She's done this before? This is the second time and it's with Tara?! Her ex-girlfriend Tara?" Dani asked, shocked. "Did you tell her?" She asked, suddenly worried.
Paige opened her eyes and shook her head. "No. The thing with Tara stays between us remember?" She said before chuckling bitterly. "This is such a nightmare. I feel like I'm the butt of some sick joke right now. Asking Tara to take care of Emily when she already made a play for her long before I saw them together. She just sat there and listened as I rambled on and on about how to keep the girl she already stole from me." Paige bit her lower lip in an effort to stop herself from crying again.
"So, why did Emily do it?" Dani asked cautiously, aware that Paige might not want to talk about it.
"Among other things, the pressure of the way people saw us finally got to her. She got tired of trying to be perfect for me and for the people of Rosewood when nobody even asked her to be one in the first place." Paige said bitterly. "She was torn between wanting to move forward with her life and supporting me through my grief and somehow thought she had to choose so she felt like she was such a disappointment to everyone." She shook her head sadly. "But the reason why she did it that really hurt was that back then she doubted our relationship for a brief moment and thought of letting go while I was gone." She said dejectedly.
"What are you going to do?" Dani asked, wishing she could take away the pain Paige was feeling.
Paige shrugged. "What am I supposed to do?" She asked, the pain and devastation evident in her voice.
Dani felt herself tearing up. It pains her to see Paige like this. When she and Paige eventually reconciled years ago, she promised herself that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their friendship once again so she did her best to hide her feelings for her best friend. But after all these years, she never stopped loving Paige even if she never once looked at her. Paige was always looking at Emily even if Emily was looking at someone else. Always trying to catch up to Emily even when Emily was running away from her. All the reasons why she never approved of Emily all those years came rushing back to her. It wasn't just because she was extremely jealous. It was also because for some reason she felt that while Paige loved Emily unreservedly, Emily always held back. Yet as much as she wanted to point this out to Paige, she knew Paige needed someone to help her figure things out.
"Well can you forgive her?" Dani asked, setting aside her reservations about Emily. "I won't ask if you still love her because we both know you still do. So… can you forgive her? Find a way to trust her again?"
Paige looked at Dani thoughtfully for a moment, her heartbeat suddenly increasing its tempo. "It's not that simple." She whispered, suddenly aware of their closeness.
Dani furrowed her brows in confusion. "Why? It's a simple yes or no question Paige." Something was different with the way Paige was looking at her.
Paige shook her head and looked away. "No. It's not. We actually broke up tonight. Like, officially broke up. She knew I was torn and understood that I needed to figure some things out." She said in a voice that was almost a whisper.
"Figure what out?" Dani pressed.
Paige closed her eyes, suddenly feeling exposed. "My feelings." She answered uneasily.
"Feelings. What feelings?" Dani asked, still at a loss.
Paige took a deep breath. "My feelings for you." She finally uttered resignedly, opening her eyes to hold Dani's gaze.
"Oh." Dani said breathlessly as Paige watched her face flush. Just like that, Dani understood that for the first time, Paige was finally looking at her.