Chapter 2: What did I say?

I'm going to tell him, I can't take sitting here and trying to act like nothing's wrong! How do I say it? No I won't think about it, I'm just going to come right out with it!

"Hey Ryan, I…"

Just as I was about to tell him about everything that was going on we had arrived at the bar that the rest of the guys had gone to. Ryan opened the car door, handing the driver the money.

"Ready to go in before they start wondering what's taking us so long?"

He laughs as he steps out of the car, that was it I froze I couldn't say it, not now! I began to feel so nervous and I don't know why, I've never felt that nervous before. The more I was sitting there thinking the more I didn't realize that the driver was looking at me, waiting for me to step out of the car. I didn't come to my senses until I heard a tapping at the window, I jump and see that it's Ryan. I rub my eyes and take a deep breath before stepping out of the cab, Ryan notices again that I seem out of it.

"Colin, are you sure that your ok?"

I clear my throat and prepare to lie to him again, "Yeah man I'm ok, let's go, I could definitely use a drink!"

The walk inside seemed like it took forever. I just wanted to go back, back in time when things were normal, when I didn't feel like this for one of my best friends. As I follow behind Ryan my mind goes back to filming Whose Line, to all those other times that Ryan and I have kissed. Wait a minute, those other kisses, did I feel like this in the past but never acknowledge it?

"COLIN?!" Brad shouts already looking like he's had one too many.

I look over to Wayne, "Don't you know you're supposed to cut him off when he's had too much?!"

Drew laughs while I pull a chair over and sit down, "Brad's only had two beers!"

I shake my head while I look over at my inebriated friend sitting at the other end of the table, "Well it's nice to know that if I ever go out to drink with him I have to play the designated driver!"

The waitress comes over and takes Ryan's order followed by mine, I just get a beer to start because I don't want to end up the way Brad is. About a half hour goes by and I'm already on my fourth drink, Ryan's on his second, and I'm not sure about Wayne and Drew since they had been here a while before I showed up. Wayne had left earlier to bring Brad home but came back to enjoy the rest of his night.

"So, how was Brad when you dropped him off?" I ask taking the last sip from my beer.

Wayne laughs pulling the plate of nachos towards him, "It was insane, when I finally got him up to his hotel room he kept saying how brilliant he was in tonight's episode, and then he fell asleep on his couch!"

Drew becomes confused listening to Wayne, "He was brilliant? With what?"

Wayne rolls his eyes, "With the dubbing skit, he thinks he was great helping out Colin and Ryan to kiss Joanie!"

Just then Ryan looks over to me and smiles, I can't take this anymore, and all I want to do right now is to not feel anything. I excuse myself from the table and lie about going to the bathroom; I walk over to the other side of the bar where they can't see me. I order a few shots for myself and take them quickly; and rush myself back to the table. I can finally start feeling the effects from the shots which is what I wanted, what happened tonight is starting to slowly fade from my mind (or so I think). The waitress comes over asking if we would like anything else, so since I'm starting to become three sheets to the wind, I raise my hand.

"Yes, I would like to buy my good friends here a round of beers!" She smiles and turns to leave, "Oh oh, and a round of tequila shots!" She nods and walks away.

Ryan instantly turns around to look at me, "You…shots?!

Drew and Wayne also had the same expression on their faces. Wayne was the first of them to say something, "Yeah Mochrie, I've known you for years, and I don't recall you ever doing shots before!"

Ryan looks over to Wayne and then back to me, "He doesn't!"

The look of concern on Ryan's face increases when he sees how quickly I throw back the shot, and how quickly I order another one. Drew and Wayne take off shortly after, and I'm enjoying not thinking about Ryan in the way I was before, hell I was barely thinking at all! I don't notice that Ryan has now switched seats to sit directly in front of me. I finish my beer and ask Ryan to call the waitress over so I can get another one, but he doesn't from what I could see, he was just sitting there staring at me.

"Ryan…di…did you call…my beer?"

Thinking that I'm making sense I start to become angry when he doesn't answer me, I grab his knee shaking it vigorously. "HEEEELLLLLOOO!"

Ryan stands up and grabs my arm, "That's it buddy, I think it's time to get you out of here!"

Part of me doesn't want to leave, but it seems like I'm too drunk to care. I stand up and try to get my wallet out from my back pocket, but it feels like there's no pocket there. As Ryan helps me stand up I look at him and pout.

"Brian som…someone st…stole my pocket!"

Ryan laughs shaking his head, "It's ok Col, I've got your pocket!"

He throws some cash down on the table and grabs his coat, he helps me put on mine as I'm still trying to find my pocket. A few moments pass before we reach the door, Ryan must have already called a cab since there was one waiting for us right outside. He opens the door and helps get in, I fall hard inside the taxi leaving most of my bottom half on the ground. Once Ryan finally gets me completely inside the driver asks him where he was going.

He looks over to me talking loud and slow so I could understand, "COLIN, WHAT HOTEL ARE YOU STAYING AT? I'LL HAVE HIM BRING YOU THERE FIRST!"

As soon as he says that I remember something that makes me laugh uncontrollably. After the recording of the episode earlier when I was lost in my own head, I had forgot to call and make a reservation for myself. The thought of me not having a place to stay I found hysterical.

"I nev…never called, I have no home, I'm homeless!" I laugh as I throw my head down in my hands and keep repeating that I have no home. Ryan just shakes his head and tells the driver to go to his hotel. Ryan then lifts my head up from my hands and looks at me smiling.

"It's ok Col, my hotel room has a sofa bed you can stay with me ok you're not homeless."

Ryan laughs at my reaction, "Oh really?! Thanks man you're so good to me, you're the bestest friend anyone could ask for…I Love You!"

He then lays my head back against the seat, "I know Col, I love you too!"

I don't know if his I love you meant the same as mine, and at that point it didn't really make a difference to me. My head then slowly slides down to rest on the window; I don't know why I just can't seem to stop laughing. I quickly sit up staring directly in front of myself. Ryan being concerned asks me if I'm ok, I smile again answering his question. Or at least thinking that I did!

"WE'RE GOING TO THE HOTEL, WE'RE GOING TO THE HOTEL, WE'RE GOING TO THE HOTEL!"

A few more minutes pass before we finally arrive at his hotel. He once again pays the driver and gets out of the cab he walks around the back side of the car and opens my door, I slowly turn my head and look up at Ryan smiling again, but not a goofy smile, more of an I love you smile. He helps me stand up and throws my arm around his shoulder, I can stand a little bit on my own but not completely. He helps me walk into the lobby, he smiles at the receptionist and when I look over at her there was only one thing I managed to say.

"Haha, I'm not homeless!"

The lady behind the counter laughs, and so does Ryan. Once we arrive at the elevator he reaches out to push the up button, a few moments pass before the doors open and we walk in. He pushes the button for his floor and the elevator doors close with one final look at the receptionist I wave and tell her that the points don't matter. We were too far away for her to be able to hear me.

Ryan laughs following right along with me, "That's right the points are just like how drunk you are right now!"

I quickly glance over to him a give him a weird look, "Colin, you can be bombed out of your mind, which you are right now, and you're still one of the funniest people I know!"

I give him a half smile as the doors open, we walk to his room, and he carefully leans me up against the wall so he can get the door open. He grabs my arm to lead me inside, once I see the bed I immediately want to go to sleep. He takes me over to the couch and helps me sit; he kneels down in front of me placing his hand on my knee. Here it goes again, that feeling, the one I have been trying too hard to cover tonight, why is it back?

"Hey I'm going to go take a shower, are you going to be ok out here by yourself?" Oh good, time alone with my thoughts just what I need.

"Mhm, I promise, I'll be good!" Ryan laughs as he stands up and goes to the shower, shutting the door behind him.

I'm now sitting on this couch by myself in quiet, not only can I hear crickets, but I can hear my thoughts too. My head instantly ends up back in my hands; I slowly rub my eyes as I take a breath. I look up and see myself in a mirror that's placed on a wall above a desk. A few minutes go by before I manage to stand myself up, I grab onto anything and everything that will hold me, I lean on the desk chair once I get myself over to the mirror. I start to talk to myself not noticing that Ryan was just about to walk out of the bathroom.

"Ok listen here Captain Hair; you have to stop feeling these things!" Ryan scratches his head as he sits down on the bed, and I continue talking not noticing that he was there.

"Today was just a fluke, you need to get this kiss out of your head, you have a wife, you love her…" Ryan smiles at the thought of Colin thinking way too much into his kiss with Joanie. He figured that is what was bothering him today, shaking his head he gets up to go brush his hair in the bathroom leaving the door open.

"You've kissed him before, what's different now? He's your best friend you can't do this! And these are just feelings; they're going to go away!" I take a final deep breath and turn to face the couch, I'm too tired at this point to open it, and I probably wouldn't remember how to. I look over at the bed and see how that's the easier choice; I make my way over to it and sit down. I manage to get my shoes off and get under the covers, before I know it I'm out! Ryan slowly walks out of the bathroom with his hands over his mouth; he looks over at Colin asleep in the bed.