Chapter 3: Did that really just happen?
The next morning I woke up around 6am, my head felt like it had been hit with a hammer. The slight glare coming in through the window was making it worse. Oh man, how much did I drink last night? I slowly try to sit up, my head now feeling like it was going to explode. It took my eyes a few minutes to adjust, once they did I look over to the couch and what I see startles me, it was Ryan. I didn't remember staying with him, or the fact that I never made a reservation a hotel for myself. I just thought that I was in my own hotel.
"Oh hey Ryan, what are you doing here?"
The memories of last night were just jumbled messes. Ryan wasn't answering me; he was just sitting there his fingers interlocked resting on his chin as he was slouched forward, elbows on his knees. His legs were shaking, his breathing was heavy. I've only ever seen him like that when he would get nervous.
Trying again I ask him, "Ry…are…you ok? What are you doing here?"
He slowly looks up at me smirking slightly, "Col this is my hotel room!"
I take a moment and look around; I don't remember staying in a hotel that looked like this. I try to find where my things were but none of them were here. I couldn't really think of anything that had happened last night. The more I try to think the more my head hurts; I place my hands on my temples trying to make the pain subside. In the process of doing that I see a hand reach around the side of me handing me some aspirin, I turn around as I take them from him.
"Oh, thanks Ryan my head hurts so bad right now!" I quickly take the aspirin so my head would stop pounding; I look back over and notice Ryan sitting back in the same position he was in when I first woke up. I make my way back over to the bed to sit back down for a few trying to make sense of everything. That's when Ryan moves his hands down from his chin.
"So um Col…you don't remember anything about last night?" His eyes unable to reach mine put me in a tiny panic.
Did I remember anything? What did happen? I close my eyes for an instant, and just in that one split second I hear myself saying something out loud that I shouldn't have said. Oh no, did he hear me? Please say he didn't hear me. I have to play it off, I have to know what he knows before I go and really make a fool of myself.
"Um, no why would I? I was drunk!" I try to put out a laugh, but it just comes out a shaky mess.
Sensing I was hiding something, Ryan gets up and grabs the desk chair sliding it over in front of me and sitting down, our knees pressed up against each other. Ryan takes a breath before saying that one sentence that I was hoping I would never have to hear from him.
"Colin, do you have feelings for me?"
"Crap" I think to myself, what am I going to do? I can't answer that honestly, I can't ruin this great friendship that we've built up over the years! I need to leave I can't deal with this! Not now!
"What? No! I think you still may be a little drunk from last night!"
I quickly stand up pushing my knees into his to move him out of the way; I need to get out of here. I just about make it to the edge of the bed when I feel a hand grab my wrist. Ryan is now standing behind me not letting me go until I answer his question. But I can't answer it, not the way that I want to.
He pulls on my wrist gently, "Colin!" He then spins me around so now we're face to face, still holding on to my wrist, "You didn't answer my question, do you have feelings for me?!"
I take a breath pulling my hand from his grasp, "Look Ryan, you don't have to worry about this ok? I guess there's just something wrong with me I don't know, but I'm not going to let something like this ruin our friendship. At least I hope it won't! Anyway I have to go get a cab and go get my car!"
I grab my coat and head for the door but before I do, I stop and look down at the floor. "I'm sorry Ryan, but this thing, whatever it is, that I'm going through, is going to go away so don't worry about anything please!"
I just really need to get out of here; I need to get some air. I reach out and open the door; I get it open a few inches before Ryan reaches over my shoulder and slams it shut. Damn, he's pissed; I knew it, I just ruined one of the best friendships I had ever had. I can't look at him, I just can't. I try to focus on the door, but the urge to turn around and see his face is too much to handle. I slowly turn around worried as to what expression I'll see. I feel a short bit of relief when I see that he's looking down at the floor, but that relief is gone when he starts to talk.
"Colin, I want to talk to you about this and you're not leaving here until we do!" I could hear some anger in his voice that he was trying to cover up, but I have known this man too long and I know when he's angry. So I can't help but repeating the same thing over and over again, I just want him to believe me, and I don't want him to hate me.
"Ryan, I can promise you that this is just a phase, I mean it has to be. I'm married, you're married, and we have families. I'm just really sorry that I did this!" My voice trembling as I try to hide my emotions, "I'm so sorry Ryan, I…"
"Colin, shut up!" Just then Ryan pushes me up against the door, his lips are on mine. His body is shaking, mine is burning, and I can't believe he's kissing me. But for some reason I have to know what was going on, so I push him away. Both of us now breathing heavily.
"You just kissed me…why?"