DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters = still never mine. Characters in this fanfic except for maybe a few belong to PLL. Some events in this fanfic were borrowed from the storyline of the PLL TV series. Since I never read the books and mostly focus on PAILY stuff when watching PLL, I have no clear idea about 'A' and their motives for torturing the Liars. That said the motives of the 'A'-team in this fanfic are entirely of my own creation.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For the lengthy version of what this fanfic is about, please refer to the Author's Note in the first two chapters.
~Wow. You guys… I can't believe I actually have 103 reviews! Seriously… thanks for showing your appreciation and support through all of your AWESOME, AWESOME reviews about the story! And thanks for frequently saying I could or should publish this. Overwhelming words of praise indeed! Again, my apologies for posting only one chapter each week.~
~WARNING: This is the end of the line for Paige and Emily (at least I think so) when it comes to the waterworks… I guess you know what that means!~
~AND we now officially have a new record breaker for longest chapter yet! LOL! Story's going to be done the day 3b starts so the chapters are going to be quite lengthy. Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic and following it.~
Shokoshik, EyeOpener16 & AliasThorne: Your PMs are crazy AWESOME… saying thanks isn't enough to tell you guys how much I appreciate your words of praise.~
Chapter 10: With Bated Breath
"If you really love someone, you'd let them go. But I look at you and see that I've been wrong. If you really love someone, you take them back." – Jodi Picoult
"Sir, what is your relation to the patient?" A business-like tone of voice asked Caleb as he held Dani's hand tightly while his sister is wheeled-in to the emergency room on a gurney. He looked around, disoriented, as he tried to see where Paige is.
"Paige?" Caleb called out frantically.
"Sir?" The voice asked once again.
"She's my sister. Stepsister." Caleb answered distractedly. "Paige?" He called out once again.
"I'm here." Paige said as she positioned herself on Dani's opposite side of the gurney. "I'm right here." She repeated reassuringly as she took in Dani's lifeless form. "You'll be fine." Paige said soothingly as she squeezed Dani's limp hand. "You have to be."
"Paige, I got this. Call Hanna and tell them what happened. Go." Caleb said urgently as he turned his back to her to follow where the doctors were taking Dani.
Just like that she was alone again. Paige stared at her hands, covered in Dani's dried blood, and bit back a sob. Please be fine. You're the only one I've got. I can't lose you too. Paige thought as she went to a corner in a daze and took out her phone to call Hanna.
"Emily, wait!" Hanna's frantic voice from behind her made Emily turn around.
"What?" Emily asked impatiently. "I need to talk to Paige." She said as she made her way determinedly towards the direction of the bus stop once more.
"We know. And we're coming with you." Spencer said as she fell into step beside Emily, followed close behind by Aria and Hanna.
"I appreciate your concern but I need to do this on my own." Emily said, stopping to face her friends. She was about to say something else when she noticed the apprehension on her friends' faces. "What's going on?" Emily asked, suddenly gripped with a sense of fear.
"We're going to the hospital." Aria said urgently. "Something happened. It's Dani."
"What about her?" Emily asked, suddenly worried.
"The doctors wouldn't say anything to her since she isn't family. But Paige said it's really bad." Hanna said as she hastily walked past Emily and made her way towards the bus stop.
The instant she saw the fear and devastation on Paige's face, Emily's desire to talk to her immediately took a back seat. It can wait. She thought as she hurriedly made her way towards Paige.
"Hey." Emily said worriedly as she moved to hug an extremely dazed Paige.
Paige gave her a brief hug before stepping back, not wanting to soil Emily's clothes with the dried blood on her hands. Emily noticed the blood and was instantly gripped with fear.
"Is that?" She asked, suddenly terrified as she studied Paige closely.
Paige shook her head. "It's Dani's." She said faintly as she finally sat down. Emily sat beside her and placed one hand on the girl's knee to comfort her. "There was so much blood." Paige said hoarsely as she closed her eyes, trying to forget the image of Dani lying in Caleb's arms just moments ago, bleeding and unconscious.
"Where's Caleb? How's Dani?" Hanna asked urgently as she stood in front of Paige with Aria and Spencer right behind her. They all looked extremely worried.
Paige shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea." She said, seemingly lost. "Caleb told me to call you while he went to where they took Dani. She was unconscious when we brought her here and she suffered a head wound. There was so much blood. They were on his hands, on his shirt when he held Dani. I don't know… it seems really bad. She won't wake up." Paige said as she looked at the dried blood on her hands once again, terrified.
Emily studied Paige for a moment. She hasn't seen her this scared. Not since the night Lyndon held them captive. "Let's clean you up." Emily said softly as she stood up and touched Paige's arm gently, trying to coax the other girl to stand up as well. Paige finally did and let Emily lead the way to the nearest bathroom.
"I'll look for Caleb. Ask if there's any news about Dani's condition." Hanna assured Paige as she made her way to the information desk.
"Do you want some company?" Spencer asked, moving to follow Hanna.
Hanna shook her head. "I'll be fine. I think you and Aria should go back to the house, get a change of clothes for Paige and Caleb."
"Okay. If we're not back by the time there's any news about Dani, call us." Aria said as she and Spencer hugged Hanna goodbye. "It's going to be fine." She said encouragingly before she and Spencer headed out.
"Did you get it?" The driver of the car asked impatiently as the figure got into the backseat and closed the door behind them.
The figure nodded wordlessly and handed over the black notebook it forcibly took from Dani a while ago.
"Are you certain no one saw you leave the house?" The driver asked as it looked at the rearview mirror to meet the impassive look in the eyes of the passenger at the back.
"Positive. I made sure the house was empty before I left through the back." The figure said dismissively.
"And Caleb and Paige had no idea that you were still inside the house." The driver of the car stated just to make sure they were indeed in the clear.
"Yes. They didn't bother to search the house. They were too concerned with the bleeding girl I left in their wake, lying on the floor unconscious." The figure said arrogantly.
The driver ignored the conceit in the voice of its passenger and started rifling through the pages of the notebook.
"Why do you want that anyway? It's completely worthless. Your name isn't even in there. I checked." The figure said as it perched itself on the space between the driver's seat and the passenger seat of the car. "What now?" It asked impatiently.
The driver of the car stopped scanning the pages of the notebook and looked at the figure behind them. "We're headed back to Rosewood. Your job here is done."
"Caleb!" Hanna exclaimed, suddenly comforted when she finally caught sight of her boyfriend who was seated outside the operating room. He sat on one of the chairs that lined the walls and was resting his head on the wall behind him, eyes closed.
"Hanna. Thank God you're here." Caleb said, relief evident in his voice as he stood up, hugging her tightly.
"We came as soon as we heard. Emily's with Paige. But Aria and Spencer went back home to get a change of clothes for you and Paige. How is she?" Hanna asked worriedly.
Caleb sighed, sitting down once again as he rested his head on his hands. "She's in surgery. The doctor said she suffered a skull fracture. We won't know anything until after the surgery's done." He said, terrified for his sister.
Hanna took his hand and squeezed it firmly. "She'll be fine." She said reassuringly. "Dani's a fighter."
Caleb gave her a grateful smile and squeezed her hand back. "I'm so glad you're here." He whispered softly.
"What happened?" Emily asked gently as she stood beside Paige in front of the bathroom sink, trying her best to get the blood off Paige's hands.
Paige sighed, struggling to make sense of the events that transpired before Dani fell. "I don't know." She admitted helplessly. "I was at the back of the house when I heard Caleb yell my name frantically. When I got inside, he was already cradling Dani's head on his lap."
"Was it an accident?" Emily asked hesitantly. "Do you think she slipped and fell?"
Paige shrugged as Emily turned off the tap, satisfied that all of the blood has been washed off. "I don't know. Maybe. I didn't see anyone else inside the house other than us. But maybe someone was already there before we arrived. Only Dani can tell us what really happened. If she wakes up." She answered sullenly as she tried to dry her hands with the paper towels Emily handed her. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have dragged her into this." Paige said, suddenly ashamed.
"Don't say that." Emily said gently, trying to comfort Paige.
"Why not? It's the truth." Paige said as she moved to discard the used paper towels in the waste receptacle. "She wouldn't be in this mess if I didn't come back for you. If I just stayed away." She said, looking at Emily, the self-hatred she was feeling evident in her voice. "Once again, my choice cost the life of someone I care about."
"Because of me?" Emily asked incredulously, hurt. "Because you somehow chose me again?" When Paige didn't say anything, Emily felt tears of anger burn her eyes. "I didn't realize you came back for me Paige. When I saw you at the bus station all I saw was the rage that you were trying so hard to control. I didn't see the Paige who loved me. All I saw was the rage and the darkness, and your undeniable attraction to Dani. So how could you say that you came back for me?" She asked, confused.
"I could tell you, but I don't think you're going to believe me so why bother." Paige said wearily before making her way towards the door. Emily immediately blocked her path, refusing to let Paige have the last word.
"You know what? You should've just let me die." Emily said quietly, looking at Paige. She saw the hurt those words brought to Paige's eyes but she refused to take it back. "If you keep blaming every consequence of your actions to keeping me safe and alive, you should've just let me die." She said bitterly.
"You don't mean that." Paige said breathlessly, the hurt and shock evident in her voice. Please say you don't mean that.
"Yes. I do." Emily said adamantly. "If you keep on insisting that your parents died because you couldn't save them and that Dani is fighting for her life right now because you dragged her into this mess, all of these just to keep me safe and alive, then you should've let me die that night instead."
She choked back a sob. "Paige, stop using me as an excuse when you can't face the consequences of your actions." Emily said, finally letting the tears fall from her eyes. "Did you even stop and think that by punishing yourself you were punishing me as well?" Emily asked, the pain evident in her voice. "You should've let me die if saving me that night meant living the rest of our lives apart."
"I'm beyond damaged Emily. I was doing you a favor by staying away." Paige confessed brokenly, barely getting the words out.
"No. You're not." Emily stated, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. "Because ever since you decided to walk away from us, all you ever did was hurt me." She said miserably before opening the door and running outside, leaving a devastated Paige alone in the bathroom.
"You think Dani is going to be okay?" Aria asked anxiously as she and Spencer made their way to the information desk to ask where they can find Caleb and Hanna.
Spencer shrugged. "I don't know. Hanna said there's still no news." She said as she waited for someone to assist them. "Jason?" Spencer said, surprised when she saw her half-brother standing by the opposite side of the desk. She almost forgot that he and his girlfriend lived on a boat and have been sailing the high seas for quite some time.
Jason looked up from the paperwork he was filling up and stared at Spencer and Aria in surprise. His brows furrowed in confusion. "Spencer. What are you guys doing here?" He asked as he made his way towards them.
"We're here for the weekend." Spencer explained, giving her brother a brief hug.
"Yeah but why are you here? In the hospital. Where's Hanna and Emily?" He asked, concerned.
"Emily's with Paige. Hanna's with Caleb. It's a long story." Spencer said dismissively. "What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at the forms Jason held in his hand.
Jason looked at it and smiled. "Lucy's here." He explained. "We don't want to get ahead of ourselves but she said she missed her period and she's been nauseous lately. I just thought she should get checked out. You never know." Jason said, the excitement evident in his voice.
"Oh my god, you think Lucy's pregnant?" Aria asked, beaming at Jason. "That's good news."
Jason nodded. "I know. But we don't want to get our hopes up. I just wanted to have her checked out first before we decide to set sail again. If it's not safe we might stick around until she gives birth… if she is indeed pregnant." He said, suddenly a little nervous.
Spencer shook her head. "I have to say, I never thought I'd live to see the day that I would see you this excited to have a kid." She admitted, smiling at him wryly.
Jason grinned. "I know. It's crazy right?" He said, turning his attention back to the paperwork he was filling up. "So, if you two and Hanna and Emily are fine, then who are you visiting?"
"Caleb's stepsister. She's in surgery right now." Aria answered distractedly while looking at the huge directory that hung on the wall beside the information desk.
"Yeah? What for?" Jason asked worriedly as he looked from Spencer to Aria.
"Head trauma. I think. We're actually looking for Hanna and Caleb. They're not answering their phones." Spencer said as she tried to get the attention of the person behind the desk once again.
"I didn't know Caleb had a stepsister." Jason said in mild surprise as he tried to call the attention of the person behind the desk as well. When she finally approached them, Jason handed her the completed paperwork before speaking. "These ladies need to find a friend of theirs. Hanna Marin. She's with Caleb Rivers? Can you direct them to the OR where a head trauma surgery is ongoing?" He said before looking at them once again. "I better get back. They're probably wondering where I went off to."
"Thanks for the help." Spencer said gratefully as Aria got directions. "Tell me if I'm going to be an aunt." She said, smiling at him.
"You'll be the first to know." Jason promised before going his way to find his girlfriend.
"It must be nice, living on a boat. I mean if you like sailing and being surrounded by water most of the time." Aria said, as she and Spencer started making their way towards the direction of the OR where Dani was being treated.
Spencer nodded her head. "Jason told me he felt more free living in his boat considering the living space is smaller. He said he'd rather live in a boat than go back to living on land." She said while looking at the signs on the wall. "I wish he'd finally introduce me to Lucy though. She sounds amazing from how Jason described her. And she's like, the most serious girlfriend he's ever had."
"I know. I'm kinda intrigued too. They've been together for almost… oof. Sorry!" Aria said apologetically after she bumped into someone while they were rounding a corner.
"It's fine." The woman said as she tried to steady Aria. "I should've been watching where I was going. I'm in such a hurry."
Aria smiled at the blonde-haired woman. "My fault too. I was busy talking to my friend here." She said as she studied the woman, reading the nameplate on her coat. Aria looked up at her in surprise. "You're running late?" She asked, confused.
The woman smiled. "Yeah. Even doctors need to come in on time. Excuse me." She said before hurriedly walking past them.
Spencer looked at Aria. "What's up with you?" She asked.
Aria shook her head. "Nothing. It's probably nothing." She said as she and Spencer finally spotted Hanna and Caleb from a distance.
"Any news?" Paige asked anxiously as she sat down beside Caleb, handing him a bottle of water.
Caleb took it and looked at her gratefully. "Thanks." He said before twisting off the cap and taking a drink. "No news yet. Hanna and her friends went to look for Emily."
"Good to see you changed your clothes." Paige said quietly as she nodded her head towards Caleb's shirt. "There was so much blood." She said as she looked at her clean hands, remembering what they looked like a few hours ago.
Caleb nodded his head. They sat beside each other in silence before he finally spoke. "I've been thinking." He began, looking at the direction of the operating room. "I think it's time we show them the footage. It could help us get to the bottom of things faster."
Paige swallowed hard, trying to control the rage she was feeling. "No." She said firmly, making Caleb look at her in alarm. "I will deal with this myself."
Caleb looked at her worriedly, touching her arm. "That's not a good idea Paige. It's too dangerous. What we need is solid proof. You can't just come up to them. You know what they're capable of." He reminded her urgently.
"Yeah well they don't know what I'm capable of." Paige said edgily, clenching her hands into fists. She was starting to get out of control. She needed to find a way to calm down. "This has gone on for far too long. I can't allow anyone else to get hurt Caleb. I won't."
"Let's make a deal then." Caleb said, suddenly scared for Paige. "I won't reveal the existence of the footage for now if you promise not to go after them by yourself. Deal?"
Paige looked at Caleb for a moment and finally nodded. "Deal." She said reluctantly.
Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Now, we have to start thinking smarter than them. We have to be more scheming. Finding a way to protect each other from 'A' is the first step." He said quietly.
Paige furrowed her brows. "What are you thinking?" She asked. She could practically hear the gears turning in Caleb's head.
"Remember the first text 'A' sent when you and Dani came back? It said more secrets will come out. That's where we need to start." Caleb explained. "We need to reveal to each other the biggest secrets we have kept all this time. Once that's taken care of, we will do whatever we can to make sure our secrets cannot be used against us."
"How?" Paige asked anxiously. This plan could actually work.
"Two can play this game. They managed to hide their secrets. If we all know each other's it will be easier to do the same. We just have to find a way to trust one another completely for it to work." Caleb said as he looked at the direction of the operating room once again when they heard the doors open. They stood up immediately. "How is she?" Caleb asked, terrified.
"She's out of the woods. We were able to reduce the swelling of the brain and remove the pieces of bone from when her skull was fractured. The damage wasn't extensive. She'll be fine." The doctor said, giving them a reassuring smile. Caleb and Paige breathed huge sighs of relief. "But I have to warn you. In these cases, sometimes the patients suffer from memory loss. But we won't know until your sister wakes up." The doctor said, addressing Caleb. "She's in the recovery room right now. Since there wasn't much damage, once she wakes up she can be transferred to a regular hospital room. Until then I'm sorry but you can't see her yet. Rest assured we are monitoring her condition closely. If there's any change we'll let you know."
"Thank you." Caleb said earnestly while shaking the doctor's hand. "I'll take care of the necessary paperwork." He said to Paige once it was just the two of them again.
Paige nodded. "I'll stay right here." She said reassuringly. "Caleb." Paige called after him. "I'm so sorry." She said sincerely.
Caleb gave her a comforting smile. "What happened wasn't your fault. We wanted to find the people who did this to Dani's family. You didn't force us to help you." He said before hurriedly making his way to the information desk.
"What are we doing here again?" Aria asked, confused.
A few hours later, the doctor said that Dani is finally awake and can soon be transferred to a regular hospital room. While waiting for his sister to arrive in the room he had prepared, Caleb and Paige decided to use the room to meet with the others and tell them of Caleb's plan to be one step ahead of 'A' when it came to what 'A' might have against each of them.
"We have to find a way to trust each other completely. We can't protect each other if we keep secrets. Once we reveal what our biggest secrets are, we'll do everything we can to cover each other's backs." Caleb explained as he looked at all of them. "There are no big or small secrets. Whatever it is, if its exposure is potentially damaging to you or your family, we'll make sure it stays a secret."
"Who wants to start?" Hanna asked nervously as they all looked at each other.
"I cheated on Paige with Tara. That's my biggest secret." Emily said as she leaned on the wall beside the door. "I don't have any other secrets 'A' could use against me."
Spencer kept fidgeting with her hands before finally speaking. "I never told you guys why Wren and I broke up." She began, looking at them. "It's because of my History professor."
"You're having an affair?" Aria asked incredulously.
"Keep your voice down!" Spencer said frantically.
"Since when?" Hanna whispered disbelievingly.
"It's over." Spencer said, not answering the question. "I ended it a few weeks ago. I found out he and his wife are expecting a baby. I can't ruin that child's life."
"But you can ruin a marriage?" Aria said disbelievingly.
"Guys. No judgments." Caleb reminded them firmly. "We're doing this to protect ourselves from what 'A' might do if these secrets get out." He said, trying to control the situation. "But Spencer, you gotta tell us when the affair started. I need to find a way to cover your tracks."
"It was around the time Paige left." Spencer admitted, looking at Paige, subtly telling her that when they saw each other near Emily's house, she was coming home from meeting with her professor. Paige nodded in understanding. "I let it go on for so long because I actually thought he was going to leave his wife. He said the papers were being processed and that they were separated. It was just taking longer than he expected." She said, suddenly feeling humiliated.
"I can't believe I fell for that trick. A few weeks ago, his wife called me and said she needed to tell me something. When we met she said Trent was playing us both. I didn't want to believe it until she showed me the ultrasound. She was 5 weeks pregnant." Spencer felt herself tearing up. "She was surprised when I told her that Trent said he filed for divorce. She said they were still very much married and living together. I apologized and said I would end the relationship and I begged her not to breathe a word of the affair. I thought she was gracious enough to let me keep my dignity intact but she said she was actually doing it to save her family and her husband's reputation. After that I met with Trent and ended things."
"Oh my god Spence I'm so sorry." Aria said, touching Spencer's arm briefly.
Spencer gave her a weak smile. "It's fine Aria. I know where you stand on this sort of thing."
"Yeah but you also know where I stand when it comes to our friendship." Aria said firmly. She was silent for a moment before she finally revealed hers. "I have no right to judge anyone considering my secret. I got an abortion last year." She said quietly, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "I wasn't ready to have a kid of my own. Ezra said he would support me whatever I decide to do about it… so… I had one."
"That's why you knew about not being able to travel after getting one." Emily realized. "Why didn't you ask one of us to come with you?" She said worriedly.
Aria shook her head. "Getting rid of a baby? Not my proudest moment as a human being." She said quietly. "But I'm not ready to have one. And I didn't want any of you to look at me then like you're looking at me now. Like I'm suddenly a different person. I'm still me. Just…" Aria's words were cut off when she felt her friends hug her.
"I wish you told us." Spencer said quietly. "We're your friends. No matter what."
Aria nodded gratefully at them, wiping a tear that threatened to spill from her eyes. "Thanks." She said as they all stood beside each other, looking around for the next person to reveal their biggest secret.
Hanna finally spoke up. "I got treated for crabs." She said, to the surprise of Caleb. "No! I didn't cheat on you." She hurriedly assured him. "The thing is, this secret doesn't just involve me. It would involve my mom and Ted so I have to find a way to keep the lid on this one."
"Mind explaining to us what happened?" Caleb asked, concerned. "And why I'm finding out about this just now?"
"I assure you I got treated for it before I had any form of contact with any of you guys." Hanna said hurriedly. "I don't know exactly how I contracted it. But I'm pretty sure me and my mom got it from Ted." She admitted. "Since I never slept on their bed, I figured I got it from when I used their bathroom."
"I will kill Ted." Caleb said, furious.
"Hey. No judgments, remember?" Hanna said, trying to soothe her boyfriend.
"Screw that. He gave you crabs Hanna. What kind of a pastor has crabs?!" He said disbelievingly.
"The kind who doesn't know he had crabs as well?" Hanna explained. "He didn't cheat on my mom." She began. "He said he thinks he might have contracted it from one of the volunteers at the church but he assured us that they handled the matter discreetly."
"That secret could be a little harder to do damage control on." Caleb said thoughtfully. "It involves a lot of people Hanna. We need to know who the person Ted got it from was. From there I could find a way to keep this thing a secret." He said as he held Hanna's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"I'll try to find out what I can from Ted. Discreetly." Hanna added when she saw the looks everyone gave her.
"Well Dani's secret involves mine." Caleb admitted after a beat. "It was the reason my mom asked me to meet her in the first place. She was involved in a hit and run accident a few years ago." He saw the surprised look on Paige's face. "She didn't tell you because she didn't want you to see her differently."
"What happened?" Paige asked breathlessly, unable to believe that her best friend was involved in something so horrible.
"She was driving home one night when this woman crossed the street when the light was green. Dani wanted to go back but she couldn't risk being caught. After all she was in danger." Caleb explained. "The street was deserted so she left but she knew it wasn't the right thing to do. She called 911 but made sure the call wouldn't be traced to her and then she called her dad and my mom. In turn, my mom called me to help cover up what happened."
Caleb looked at them before continuing. "I drove as fast as I could and when I got to her, she was a wreck. She couldn't believe she left the woman on the side of the road to die just so she could keep her secret. When the news covered the accident, we found out the woman didn't make it and she left behind two kids, aged 4 and 5 at the time of her death. She was a single mom who attended night classes near the area where Dani hit her. The kids went into the system and since then we've been sending money every month to the families who adopted those kids." He shook his head. "Dani is good at hiding her guilt all this time. Ever since we found out where the families of those kids lived, she always asks me to come with her so that she could talk to the kids to apologize but I had to be the bad guy in this situation. I can't let her go to jail."
"That's some secret Caleb. If 'A' found a way to use that you guys could go to jail." Paige said, alarmed.
Caleb nodded his head. "I know. That's why whenever we send the money, we make sure that there's no way it can be traced back to us. I know it won't be enough. That those kids will never get the closure they need because when they grow up, the money won't matter anymore. More than anything they would want justice for what happened but by then the statute of limitations where the accident happened would have taken effect." He said guiltily.
For a moment none of them said anything. The secrets they just revealed to each other could have serious ramifications if it got out and for the first time, they were forced to think of those consequences. Hanna looked at Paige. "What's your secret?" She asked quietly, realizing the girl hasn't shared hers yet.
Paige looked at everyone around the room before standing up from the corner chair she occupied. "I have no secrets 'A' could use." She said stoically before making her way outside, pointedly ignoring Emily.
"I'll be right back." Emily said as she went outside to follow Paige.
Emily saw Paige disappear behind the door leading to the stairwell and decided to follow her. She knew it wasn't the right time to confront Paige given the state she and Caleb were in because of Dani's condition, but she couldn't take Paige's seemingly detached exterior. She pushed the door open and saw Paige making her way to the hospital's rooftop. When she finally caught up to her, she was surprised to find a garden. A blast of cool night air greeted her and she stared in awe at the sight before her. Her eyes finally settled on Paige who was standing in front of the fountain at the center of the garden, watching the fountain lights as if mesmerized.
"What do you want?" Paige asked distantly, not even bothering to look behind her. She knew Emily followed her the moment she left Dani's room.
"I want to talk." Emily said firmly as she took a step closer to Paige.
Paige sighed. "Aren't you tired Emily?" She asked wearily, finally looking at her. "We don't talk. Lately when we're alone we don't talk. We fight." Paige said, defeat evident in her voice. "You're still not done? After everything you said earlier you're still not done." She said incredulously. "Okay then. Since you're not going to leave me in peace unless you get to find fault in me again for something I did just let me have it. Say everything you need to say and then please leave me alone."
"I know what you did. Tara told me. My friends told me. How could you do that?" Emily asked, enraged but seemingly trying her best to control the anger in her voice. "How could you be so selfish and unfair?" She began, walking closer to Paige. "How dare you decide when to walk in and out of my life the whole time you were away? You kept watch? You get to see me but I don't get to see you?!" Emily said, standing in front of Paige. Tears of anger and frustration threatened to spill from her eyes but she forced herself not to cry.
"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay." Paige said quietly.
Emily snorted derisively. "I wasn't okay. You left, Paige. How could I ever be okay? You left me!" She said, the anger she felt seeping in her every word.
"I had no choice." Paige said, rubbing the sides of her forehead blearily.
"You always have a choice. Because you chose to leave, remember? So why did you do it huh? Why did you keep watching over me? Did you suddenly regret your choice so you came back because you felt guilty?" Emily asked accusingly.
Paige took a step back, dazed at the words Emily said. "You think I watched over you because I felt guilty?! I don't regret leaving. Yes I regret leaving you. But I don't regret the reason I did it. And it wasn't like I did it the entire time I was away. I stopped watching over you the night I saw you and Tara together because I knew you weren't alone anymore. I stopped calling because it wasn't fair to Tara that you were holding back because of me. And it certainly wasn't fair to you that I kept holding you back." She said gently, trying to make Emily understand. But Paige realized it was no use because Emily was so blinded by her anger.
Emily scoffed. "You're right. It wasn't fair. Everything you did wasn't fair Paige." She said disbelievingly.
"Newsflash. Nothing's ever fair in life Emily." Paige said stonily. "You think I enjoyed standing in the shadows? To be on the outside looking in when I've finally felt like I belonged? It wasn't fair to me either. When Tara started walking you home, I had to watch every night. Even if it hurt. Because I had to make sure she would be able to take care of you. Something I couldn't do anymore because I was so consumed with rage and the need to punish myself." She said, her voice suddenly becoming hoarse as she remembered the pain of seeing Emily with someone else.
"You made the decision to leave. No one forced you. No one is blaming you for what happened so stop. Just stop." Emily said, fed up. "This self-pity act of yours needs to stop once and for all. No one is punishing you. The one person who can't seem to forgive you is yourself." She said forcefully. The anger and indignation she was feeling made her blind to the wounded expression that crossed Paige's features at the words she just uttered.
"Just who do you think you are, thinking you had the right to tell Tara to do those things for me just to make sure I would fall for her? You practically pushed us to be together!" Emily said, raising her voice in anger. "I don't need your help moving on Paige. I am perfectly capable of doing that on my own. I just chose not to. Because I was waiting for you." She said, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes.
She bit back a sob. "You know what hurts? You know why it wasn't fair? Because while I was holding on so desperately to us you were going out of your way to let me go." Emily said brokenly, crossing her arms to her chest in an effort to comfort herself.
"Really? But I thought you fell for Tara? Finding out about what I did shouldn't upset you at all." Paige said coolly, not bothering to fight back. "In the end, you were right. You didn't need my help because you fell for her all on your own. So why are we having this conversation?" She asked, desperate to end their argument. There's only so much pain she could take.
When Emily didn't say anything she realized what the girl was asking of her. An apology. But Emily didn't understand the gravity of what she was asking of Paige. The indignant girl standing in front of her wanted Paige to apologize for being the way she is. She struggled to fight back the tears. You're wrong Em. I'm not the only one who can't forgive me.
"You want me to apologize for my actions?" Paige asked dejectedly knowing she can't do that. "What do you want me to say?" She asked hoarsely. "That I'm sorry for being selfishly unselfish when it comes to you? That I'm sorry. Because all I ever wanted was for you to have a great life even if it meant someone else gave that to you? I'm sorry because I wanted you to start living your life again? Because that's why you cheated on me for the second time, remember? You felt you had to compromise mourning with me and moving forward with your life not knowing that all this time that's all I ever wanted you to do. Move forward." Paige said quietly. "But until now you can't seem to understand the lengths I would go to for you, so you thought different. Until now you still can't comprehend just how much I love you."
Paige stepped closer to Emily, willing the silent girl to look her in the eye. She needed Emily to understand that this is it. There's so much riding on what she's about to say. She needed Emily to realize that after this she's done trying. "You want me to try putting it into words? Then listen carefully because this is the only time I will say this." Paige said as she tenderly cupped Emily's cheek with one hand. "Please listen. Because I can't keep doing this." She pleaded.
"I would put you first." Paige began solemnly. "I will always sacrifice. I will be the villain of the story if it means you'll get to experience and have everything that life has to offer. Because you deserve it. I will choose to walk away than keep hurting you. Even if it means it'll hurt more for a little while. I am the person who would choose to suffer in the darkness and lurk in the shadows until I am sure that you'll be fine, rather than join you in the light when I know that I am broken and spent and I have nothing left to give you. I will find the strength to do that rather than pretend that we are doing fine." Paige said, choking back a sob. "I would rather that you hate me for the rest of our lives for letting you go than selfishly hold on tight to something that isn't working anymore." She watched as tears fell from Emily's eyes and felt Emily's anger disappear. She took a step back gingerly.
"If the love that I have for you terrifies you, if it angers you and makes you hate me; if all it did is made you see me as someone who is unfair and selfish, then you were right to choose Tara. You were right to choose everyone else but me. Because everything I said doesn't even begin to describe how much I love you and I will never apologize for loving you this much. Even if it means we're not together because its immensity terrifies you, I will never stop. I don't know how." Paige admitted helplessly before trying to walk past Emily. I have to get out of here. Now.
"Wait…" Emily whispered brokenly as she tried to reach for Paige's hand in silent apology, but Paige pulled away. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
With a firm shake of her head, Paige stopped Emily from saying anything. She can't take anymore of the girl's hurtful words. "It's okay. I get that you don't want the love I have for you Emily. I shouldn't have expected you to accept it in the first place. So I'm done trying. But please don't ask me to stop loving you. It's the only thing I've ever known when it comes to you." She said hoarsely before running towards the door, desperate to get away from Emily once again. She couldn't bear to be around the girl who kept rejecting the love she had always unreservedly offered to her. She had to find Dani.
"Hey." Dani said, smiling weakly as her best friend opened the door to her hospital room carefully.
Paige looked around the room and saw that Caleb was the only one with Dani. She gave him a slight nod and turned her attention to her girlfriend, giving her a relieved smile. Other than the bandage wrapped around Dani's head and the sling she wore on her left shoulder, the girl seemed to have sustained no other injuries.
"I'm gonna go get some coffee." Caleb said as he stood up, deciding to give them a little privacy.
Paige gave him a grateful smile. Sitting on the empty chair beside her girlfriend's bed, she gingerly took Dani's hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze. "How are you feeling?" She asked worriedly.
"Better. Now that you're here." Dani said softly, staring into Paige's eyes.
Paige gave her a small smile, trying not to show how terrified she'd been. "Don't scare me like that again." She said quietly. "You're the only one I've got Dani." Paige whispered brokenly.
"Won't happen again." Dani promised her softly. She studied her best friend for a moment. "What happened?" She asked worriedly. Paige tried to brush it off but Dani could see she was devastated once again. Behind Paige, on the window of her hospital room, Dani saw Emily watching them from outside the hallway. Of course. "Did you and Emily fight again?" Dani asked gently.
Paige shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She said hoarsely as she laid her head on Dani's lap.
Dani bit her lower lip to keep herself from crying and gently placed her right hand on top of Paige's head, careful not to disturb the IV attached to it. "It's okay." She said, stroking the girl's hair soothingly. "It's okay. Just let it out. I'm right here." Dani promised reassuringly as Paige finally broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
With a spring on her every step and a giddy smile on her face, Emily took the steps two at a time as she headed towards the direction of Paige's room upstairs. She was about to knock and enter when she heard voices inside.
"Come on. Just tell me." A voice Emily didn't recognize pleaded from inside the room.
"I am not answering that question. It's private!" She heard Paige's voice say, annoyed.
"I'm your best friend. I'm entitled to it." The voice reasoned out, refusing to give up.
"What? In what universe?" Paige asked incredulously.
"Just tell me. Have you guys done it? It's a simple yes or no question." The voice stated, ignoring Paige's question.
"No. It's not. It's a private matter is what it is." Paige said, still refusing to give in.
"At least tell me if she said you were good." The voice said, trying to get answers indirectly.
A beat. And then.
"Oh Paige your face right now is priceless! She said you were good didn't she?" The voice said teasingly.
"Stop it. I didn't answer your question!" Paige said, obviously flustered.
"Your face just did." The voice said smugly.
"I was just surprised by your lack of tact. That was not an answer! What are you doing?" Paige asked, suddenly wary.
"Fine. I gave you a chance. I have other ways of getting the answer out of you. Because you know what I'm good at?" The voice said, the amusement evident in it.
"Dani. Don't even…" Paige said warningly.
"Sneak attack!" The voice yelled.
"Crap! Get off me!" Paige exclaimed.
"Not until I hear you laugh like a hyena!" The voice declared.
"No! No! No!" Paige begged as she dissolved into uncontrollable laughter.
At the sound of that, Emily didn't even bother to knock on the door. She hastily opened it and caught sight of her girlfriend and a stunning girl with strawberry-blonde hair tangled in a heap on Paige's bed. Their heads were positioned on the foot of the bed and Paige was laughing so hard they didn't even notice it when she threw open the door.
"Tell me!" The girl ordered mock seriously.
"Never!" Paige said breathlessly while she squirmed underneath the girl who was clearly topping her.
"Then prepare to suffer some more!" The girl declared triumphantly as she placed her hands on Paige's sides, tickling her.
"Stop!" Paige said in between laughs as she tried once again to get out from underneath the girl.
"Tell me!" The girl repeated as she poised herself to tickle Paige once again.
Emily had seen enough. "Tell you what?" She asked hoarsely, finally finding her voice.
At that, the two girls on the bed stopped what they were doing and Paige hastily pushed Dani off her, her face turning beet red.
"Em." Paige said breathlessly as she stood up and got out of her bed.
"Uh, am I interrupting something?" Emily asked, trying to seem unconcerned to what she just witnessed. She stared at the girl sitting on Paige's bed that was tying her hair into a ponytail and caught her looking at Paige. Her stomach turned into knots.
"What? No. Don't be crazy. Come in." Paige said hurriedly as she walked over to Emily and took her by the hand, gently pulling her inside. "Emily, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Danielle York." She said, quickly making the introductions.
"Ugh." Dani said, rolling her eyes as she got off the bed.
"I meant Dani York." Paige corrected as she briefly glanced at Dani before shifting her attention back to Emily. "Dani, this is my girlfriend Emily Fields." She said proudly, not taking her eyes off the girl beside her.
"Hi." Dani said, giving Emily a tentative wave. "I've seen you around but this is the first time we've been officially introduced."
"Hi." Emily replied, giving the girl a small smile. "Paige did mention you once to me. It's nice to finally put a face to the name." She said as she continued to study the very attractive girl in front of her. Although she forgot to mention you happen to look like that.
They stood in awkward silence for a beat until Dani finally spoke up.
"Okay then. Before this room explodes with tension, I guess I'll leave you two lovebirds alone. I'll see you later P." Dani said as she placed her hands on the front pocket of her denim cutoffs and bounded out of the room, closing the door behind her.
"P?" Emily asked when Dani was out of earshot as she turned to look at a blushing Paige.
"Yeah. That's what she calls me." Paige said as she led them to her bed. She guided Emily to sit on the edge of it while she opted to sit on the floor to face her girlfriend.
They stared at each other for a moment until Emily looked away. She didn't want to say it but she wanted Paige to know. "She's in love with you." She whispered as she began fidgeting with the bedspread, refusing to meet Paige's gaze.
"Em." She heard her girlfriend say reluctantly and she finally looked at Paige, realization dawning on her.
"And you know it." She said, her heart starting to race. She swallowed hard. This is the worst love triangle to be part of.
"Yeah." Paige admitted grudgingly, never taking her eyes off Emily.
"Since when?" She asked, biting her lower lip. She was trying to control the jealousy she was feeling.
"Since we were kids. It's not a big deal." Paige said reassuringly but Emily wasn't comforted.
She scoffed, looking away. "Of course not. It's not like you're in love with her right?" She asked anxiously, failing to seem indifferent to the whole notion of a best friend being in love with her friend for years.
"Right. Em, I promise I never did anything to make her think otherwise." Paige said firmly as she took Emily's hands in hers but Emily still won't meet her girlfriend's eyes.
They sat in silence for a moment until Paige decided to admit something.
"I'm in love with you." She said quietly, finally making Emily look at her.
"What?" Emily said breathlessly, her heart starting to hammer wildly. Her hands were probably clammy but Paige didn't seem to notice it.
"I love you." Paige said empathically, giving her a dazzling smile. "Emily, I'm yours." She said humbly as she closed the distance between them by kneeling in front of her girlfriend. Paige touched Emily's cheek tenderly while her other hand made its way to Emily's waist. "I won't lie; it's nice to see that you can still get jealous when it comes to me..." She began, grinning widely.
"What? I'm not jealous." Emily declared, shaking her head vehemently. "I'm not." She repeated, trying to convince herself.
Paige decided to let the matter drop. She laughed and hugged affectionately the clearly overly jealous girl sitting in front of her. "Okay. But in case you are, I just want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. Ever. You're the only girl for me Emily Fields." She whispered sincerely in her ear, finally making Emily wrap her arms around Paige's neck.
"Okay." Emily said quietly as she closed her eyes and rested her head on the crook of Paige's neck. She loves me.
Paige kissed the spot below Emily's ear before looking at her girlfriend. "Okay. Let's go, we don't want to be late for the movie." She said as she stood up and extended a hand for Emily to take before gently pulling Emily up from her bed. "Here, wear this." Paige said as she took the jacket she placed on the back of her chair. "It's cold out and you forgot to bring one again." She said as she gently lifted Emily's hair off her shoulders while Emily put on the jacket.
Satisfied that they weren't forgetting anything else, Paige walked over to the door and held it open for Emily. She furrowed her brows in confusion when Emily stopped in front of her.
"What? Did you forget something?" Paige asked worriedly as she looked around her room.
"Yeah. This." She said breathlessly. Her heartbeat racing a mile a minute, Emily closed the distance between them and pulled Paige by the waist, giving her girlfriend a soft, lingering kiss.
"Just to be clear, I love you too." She said emphatically.
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"I think we should've watched some other rerun film." Paige declared as she and Emily walked hand in hand along the well-lighted streets of Rosewood.
"My Best Friend's Wedding was okay." Emily said half-heartedly as she intertwined their hands and gently swayed it back and forth.
"Then why were you squirming in your seat the whole time we were watching it?" Paige asked softly, studying her girlfriend from the corner of her eye.
"No I wasn't." Emily protested, shaking her head firmly.
Paige sighed and she stopped walking, halting Emily's movement as well when she refused to let go of her girlfriend's hand. "I thought we talked about this? Em you have nothing to worry about. Dani is no Julianne Potter." She said, squeezing the other girl's hand reassuringly.
"Are you sure?" Emily asked anxiously, biting her bottom lip, not quite meeting Paige's eyes. She can't believe she was still so jealous.
"Well no." Paige said hesitantly to tease Emily but it completely backfired. Emily hurriedly removed her hand from Paige's and started to make her way down the street alone.
Silently cursing herself, Paige hurriedly ran after her girlfriend and grabbed Emily's hand gently. "I'm kidding." She said apologetically as Emily turned to face her. Emily didn't even bother to hide her jealousy this time and Paige felt helpless. She didn't want Emily to feel this way ever again.
"Come here." Paige said softly and smiled when Emily immediately stepped into her arms. She placed a soft kiss on her girlfriend's head and stroked her hair gently. She chuckled after a beat. "You're lucky." Paige said quietly.
Emily looked at her in confusion. "Why?" She asked.
"Because there won't come a time that you'd ever have to fight for me." Paige said as she brushed a strand of hair away from Emily's eyes and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"Why is that lucky?" Emily asked, still confused.
"Because you seem so reluctant to do so." Paige said chuckling.
"You think I'm not willing to fight for you?" Emily asked, pulling away from Paige. How could she think that?
"I think it isn't necessary because there is no reason to." Paige said as she took Emily's hand in hers and they began walking again.
"Why'd you say that?" Emily asked, looking at her girlfriend as they rounded a corner.
"Because you'd never, ever lose me." Paige declared quietly.
They walked in silence for a while before Paige spoke again.
"But it'd be nice to know that if by some bizarre twist of fate that day comes, you'd be willing to do so." She said faintly, her voice barely above a whisper.
Emily struggled to fight back the tears as she placed the bow she made for the box that held her unsent letters to Paige. She thought about leaving it behind but at the last minute she changed her mind. She didn't want the letters out of her sight.
Carefully, she placed the box in front of her and hugged her knees to her chest as she sat on her bed, trying to control her sobs. Paige's heartfelt declaration by the fountain hours ago of the immensity of her love for Emily made her realize that she's going to lose her forever if she doesn't do anything about it. Paige was adamant on giving up on them for Emily's sake. She can't let that happen.
I guess this counts as the bizarre twist of fate, Paige. Please tell me it isn't too late.
Exhausted, she lied down on her side, her back to the door, and hugged the box of letters to her chest, terrified to let it go. The letters held the truth about the years they spent apart and she needed Paige to have it. She needed Paige to forgive her and take her back. And she needed Paige to understand something.
"Em? Hey. There's pizza downstairs if you're hungry. And there's some leftover seafood pasta. We can reheat it if you want." Aria's worried voice startled Emily. She didn't hear the knock and the sound of the door opening and she hastily wiped the tears from her eyes.
"No thanks. I'm not hungry." She answered without looking at her friend.
Aria heard the tears in Emily's voice and hesitated for a second before entering the room and closing the door behind her. Going around the other side of the bed to face Emily, she sat on the floor and gently wiped the tears from her friend's face.
"You'll get her back." Aria said, her voice breaking when she saw how terrified and sad Emily was.
"What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore? I hurt her so much." Emily whispered miserably.
"Do you want to let her go?" Aria asked quietly as she touched the box Emily held tightly to her chest.
Emily shook her head vehemently.
"Then make her listen. It's going to be fine." Aria said soothingly.
"I need her back." Emily admitted brokenly as Aria moved to hug her helpless friend.
"Seriously. You guys. I'm fine." Dani said exasperatedly as she watched Paige and Caleb move about the room.
"We just want to make sure you're comfortable." Caleb struggled to get the words out as he and Paige wrestled to move the long couch to create more space for walking around.
"I was comfortable. Now I'm uncomfortable." Dani said, shaking her head as she smiled at the two people who care about her so much. "Come on. Sit. Rest. Fill me in on what I missed." She said, pointing to the couch they were moving just a second ago.
Paige and Caleb finally obliged and sat on the couch but they didn't say anything, not wanting to stress her out. Dani noticed their hesitance and rolled her eyes.
"I'm fine." She assured them. "The doctor said it's a mild case of retrograde amnesia. Sooner or later I'll remember what happened moments before I fell. But until then, do this girl a favor and keep me in on the loop." Dani pleaded.
Caleb looked at Paige before finally telling Dani what happened after she fell up to the point of when they decided to reveal each other's secrets in an effort to be at least one step closer if not ahead of 'A'.
"I wish you told me about the hit and run Dani." Paige said quietly when Caleb said that was the secret he revealed about them.
"I didn't want you to change the way you see me." Dani admitted. "What I did was a horrible thing. Even if it was an accident and I called 911, I killed someone and because I was in hiding I had to leave her behind. I've wanted to own up to the accident for so long but Caleb and our parents won't let me." She said, looking at her brother.
"That wouldn't change things." Caleb insisted.
"Her children would have closure." Dani argued. "I know that's what I would want more than the financial support we keep sending them." She said quietly. "Caleb, the longer we try to keep this secret, the riskier it becomes. Every day that passes is another day we give 'A' the chance of finding out about it."
"Then I'll take the fall." Caleb said adamantly. "If that day comes I'll take the fall. I won't let you go to jail Dani. I'll tell them I was the one behind the wheel."
Dani looked at Caleb in surprise. "No. You can't do that. You've already done enough." She said, shaking her head ruefully.
"Then enough talk about this. I am doing everything I can to make sure that secret won't be used against us." Caleb said, knowing it was wrong but refusing to let his conscience take over.
Paige stood up and walked over to Dani, smiling at her reassuringly. "We're still friends Dani. What happened doesn't define who you are for the rest of your life." She said as she squeezed her girlfriend's hand lightly.
Dani smiled at her gratefully. "Where are the others?" She asked, suddenly remembering they came to the Hamptons with five other people.
"Hanna said Tara went back to Rosewood yesterday morning." Caleb answered, getting up as well. "As for Hanna and her friends, they went home to get some rest. Spencer had to take care of the lease to the house. She's trying to get a hold of the owner. We're extending our stay until the doctors say it's safe for you to travel." He explained as he stood beside Paige.
"You guys should rest a bit too." Dani said, noticing the tired expressions on their faces.
Paige touched her knee reassuringly. "We will. Once they get here, Caleb and I will go home for a bit, get some shuteye, and maybe take a shower." She said jokingly. "Then we'll come back."
"They're here." Caleb said as they all looked up when they heard a knock on the door. Caleb gestured for Hanna to come in before turning his attention back to Dani.
Dani watched as Hanna carefully opened the door all the way, letting herself in, followed closely behind by Spencer, Aria and Emily. She noticed the change in Paige's posture the minute Emily walked in. Her best friend who just moments ago stood by her bedside with a relaxed posture and an easy grin suddenly became stoic, her face becoming detached. Dani squeezed Paige's hand in an effort to break her stupor.
"The cavalry's here." Dani said, giving Paige a small smile. "You and Caleb should head home, get some rest, and take a shower." She said teasingly. "I promise I'll be here when you get back." Dani said reassuringly.
Paige nodded and looked at Caleb. "I'll see you outside." She said quietly as she slowly made her way to the door. "Excuse me." Paige said hoarsely when she saw that Emily was standing in front of it.
"I'm sorry." Emily said, her voice catching in her throat as she moved to let Paige out. She was apologizing for more than just standing in the way, but she somehow can't find the right words to say it.
Dani watched their interaction in silence, oblivious to the chatter around her. She watched as Emily followed Paige's retreating back and knew it was time.
"Paige and I will be back before you know it." Caleb said as he touched Dani's shoulder lightly. "Until then these girls will keep you company."
"I'll walk you out." Hanna said as she moved to follow Caleb outside.
"Sorry. I need to take this." Spencer said apologetically when her phone rang. "Might be the owner of the house." She explained as she headed out the door as well.
"Hey Aria, do you mind getting Dani a yogurt drink or a soya milk and some mangoes or bananas? It's supposed to be good for patients who just had a brain injury. I think there's some in the hospital cafeteria." Emily said, never taking her eyes off the girl sitting on the bed.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll be back as soon as I can." Aria said, making her way towards the door.
"Take your time. And take Hanna with you." Emily said as she gave Aria a grateful smile.
Once Aria left the room, Emily locked the door behind her and faced Dani. "We need to talk." She said determinedly.
Dani nodded her head. "Yes we do."
"We'll be quick." Paige promised as she alighted from the front seat of the van.
She and Caleb didn't tell Dani about their plan before heading home to return to the place of the accident. They wanted to search the place for any clues that could lead them to whoever pushed Dani down the stairs.
"It's a good thing no one leased this house while we're here." Caleb said as he followed Paige towards the front door.
"I know." Paige said as she walked beside Caleb. "Since we already met the owners when we came here the first time, it was pretty easy to convince them to let me rent the house for a few days even if it seemed so sudden. I told them they didn't need to clean it up; they could leave it just the way it is since I planned on throwing a small get-together anyway. I said I'd clean up after." She said as Caleb gave her a disbelieving smirk.
"Nice." He said as he tapped Paige on the back. They hurriedly made their way inside and stopped short when they saw the dried blood near the stairs. "I'll clean this up." Caleb offered when he saw the dazed look on Paige's face. "Start looking. Go." He said, gesturing towards the direction of the stairs.
Paige nodded and quickly made her way upstairs, glancing on the dried blood one last time before taking the steps two at a time.
Emily timidly approached Dani's bed and stood beside her, nervously biting her lower lip. She and Dani were rarely left alone and if they have anything in common, that was their mutual desire to avoid each other as much as possible. But now, standing face to face with Paige's best friend/girlfriend, Emily decided she needed to talk to Dani about Paige. I can't stand it anymore. I need her back. "How are you feeling?" She asked sincerely.
Dani touched the dressing around her head gingerly and managed to give Emily a small smile. "Headaches come and go, but otherwise I'm feeling better." She answered before gently nodding her head to the chair beside her bed. "Sit. This could take a while."
Emily took a step back to pull the chair closer to Dani's bed before sitting down. "You and Paige fought again while I wasn't around didn't you?" Dani asked wryly, studying Emily. "I leave her alone for a few hours and you managed to break her heart all over again. How did you do that?" She asked disbelievingly.
Emily swallowed hard. "I said some things." She began. When Dani didn't say anything, she continued. "She blamed herself for what happened to you, just like she blamed herself all these years for not being able to save her parents from the accident. But she didn't stop there. She said because she chose me again you almost died. That she came back for me and you wouldn't be in this mess if she didn't do that. I'm tired of being used as an excuse Dani." She admitted brokenly. "No one blamed her for what happened to her parents except herself. She felt responsible for their deaths and your accident and she felt the need to punish herself because of it. But she wasn't the only one who suffered because of her self-pity. I felt like I was being punished as well because she decided that the price of her actions was our relationship."
Dani shook her head disappointedly. "You told her she needed to stop with her self-pity?" She asked sadly. "You probably don't understand her right now like I do but that doesn't mean you should stop trying." Dani explained. "Paige never told you the story of how we met did she?" When Emily shook her head, she continued. "I had an older brother. Not so many people know or remember because he died when I was 5." She began. "He was turning 8 the day he drowned trying to save me. I was caught in a riptide and he came to my rescue. He was a strong swimmer. He told me what I had to do to get out of it. Before I did I said I was sorry and he said he forgave me. And that he would see me on the shore. He said he was right behind me. So I swam furiously. When I finally reached it, I turned around and he was gone. He didn't make it." Dani said, the pain of reliving how she lost her older brother suddenly coming back to her.
"On the day of his funeral, I couldn't get myself to go inside the church. I blamed myself for his death. I felt like my parents couldn't even bear to look at me or be in the same room with me." Dani suddenly smiled at the memory. "I was sitting on one of the swings in the park across the church when this girl came up to me. She said I had nice hair before introducing herself. That was the day I met Paige." She said, giving Emily a weak smile. "She was the one who convinced me to go inside because I would regret it if I never got to say goodbye to my brother. She held my hand the entire time I stood in front of his casket. After that she firmly pulled me to the direction of where my parents sat weeping and she told them timidly that while my brother knows they will never stop loving him just because he's gone, I also needed to know that they will never stop loving me because of it. And then she said that losing a child is hard, but losing a brother is hard too and that we needed to be there for each other to make it." Dani said as she tried to wipe a tear that fell from her eyes. "That's how remarkable Paige is."
"I got to say I'm sorry." Dani explained. "Moments before my brother died I got to say I was sorry. I was forgiven. My parents forgave me. Even if not one of them blamed me, I needed that." She said, trying to make Emily see where she was going with this. "It wasn't self-pity Emily. What Paige felt all these years ever since that accident? It wasn't self-pity. She was filled with self-hatred because not one of you forgave her. She felt remorse and the desire to be forgiven not just by her parents but by you." Dani said emphatically.
"For what?" Emily asked, confused.
"For everything." Dani said, knowing it was hard to comprehend. "Paige needed to know that what happened wouldn't make you love her less. That the love she has for you which made her save you that night was something you can accept, because what happened that night changed her because of its immensity. But that even if what happened changed her you would still be there. And that the person she became since then will still be good enough to be with you."
Emily suddenly felt lightheaded. "I made things worse by telling her that if she kept insisting that everything that happened was because she kept choosing me, then it was better that she let me die the night of the accident instead." She confessed, her voice barely audible as she looked everywhere but at Dani.
"Oh no." Dani said, shocked. "Emily. Why would you say that?" She asked disbelievingly.
"Of course I didn't mean it. I was just fed up." Emily admitted, finally meeting Dani's gaze. "Dani it's not fair that she kept blaming every consequence of her actions to keeping me safe and alive."
"I know that." Dani said, trying to make Emily understand that she isn't taking Paige's side. "Paige has a tendency to find fault in herself. I guess growing up feeling she wasn't good enough made her feel that way. But like I said, she needed you to forgive her for what happened. Saying she should've let you die that night was like telling her you couldn't."
"How was I supposed to know all of this? I'm not a mind reader. And in case you didn't notice your best friend isn't one to ask for help. I tried to be there for her Dani. But she kept shutting me out. I didn't love her any less after what happened and I tried to hold on to us for as long as I could. Even after she left me." Emily said, hurt.
"Don't take it personally Fields. In her mind she needed to find a way for her parents to forgive her. That's why she left. That's why she's still trying to find answers. It's not just because she thinks she could have done something to save them, it was because she thought her parents had no reason to be there. That holds true for you as well. She thought if she hadn't gone missing that day then the accident wouldn't have happened." Dani explained gently.
"That's my point. She can't stop blaming herself." Emily said exasperatedly.
Dani gave her a patient smile. "Well it's easier said than done. Emily, if someone you love was taken right in front of your eyes, would you be able to stop reliving that moment over and over again?" She asked quietly. "Would you be able to stop obsessing about every detail? Stop thinking about what you could have done differently? Stop thinking of the events that happened before that precise moment, thinking if you did something different that day, like maybe took a detour or helped out a stranger, would things have been different?" Dani said, trying to make Emily understand.
"I went through the same thing she did. That's why I understand why Paige is this broken. But that's where our similarities ended. Because unlike me, Paige thought she had no one. She didn't want you to suffer more than you already have. You know how she is. She got so used to dealing with things on her own. She's trying to let people in, but sometimes, when things become too hard to bear, it's easier to stop fighting and revert to your old ways." Dani said quietly.
"This needs to stop Dani." Emily said resignedly. "Paige needs to stop feeling this way about herself."
"Then help her. Will you two please stop fighting and just talk?" Dani said exasperatedly. "Emily, why are we really having this conversation?"
"I want to talk to her but I don't think she wants to be around me anymore." Emily said quietly.
Dani studied Emily thoughtfully. "Because that wasn't the only thing you guys fought about didn't you? Paige wouldn't have been that devastated last night if that was the only thing you argued about." Dani observed.
When Emily didn't say anything, Dani realized what happened. "You finally found out. What Paige was doing the first few months she was away? And as expected, you got mad at her. It's a natural reaction Fields. But once you let Paige explain I thought you'd understand." She said cautiously.
"I didn't at first." Emily said quietly. "I was so mad that I didn't listen until she finally asked me to. When I confronted her about it I said it wasn't fair that she got to see me when I would've given anything just to catch a glimpse of her." She confessed, the pain of finding out what Paige did coming back to her.
Dani sighed. "Then you were missing the whole point of why she stayed hidden. She didn't watch over you because she missed you or she wanted to see you." She began. "I'm not saying she didn't miss you because she did. Every second." Dani said hurriedly. "But Emily you know she's not some horrible person who took pleasure in having the advantage of seeing you knowing you miss her too." She explained patiently. "You think Paige liked seeing you the first few months she was away? She'd rather not. It would have been easier for her to not look back when she left. But she wanted to make sure you found someone, so she waited, and watched. Like the other times she watched when you left her." She said softly.
"What do you mean?" Emily asked, confused.
Dani gave Emily a rueful smile. "You know why I didn't like you all those years? It's not just because you took the one person I've always loved. It's because you can't seem to see the worth of what you took from me." She began.
"Ever since you finally noticed Paige, you kept leaving her behind. You were always the one who walked away and while Paige tried to put on a brave face I knew she was in pain. Before you guys got together steadily, every time you came back to her, Paige told me she knew it was wrong but she was actually waiting for the other shoe to drop. She felt like you weren't sticking around. You were just waiting for someone to come along and when that day finally came, each time you walked away Paige was left having to find a way to let you go. She had no other choice because she can't give you what you want and she knew that. So she watched. Just to make sure Maya and Samara were indeed what you wanted. That's why when Tara came into the picture, she had to watch too.
She continued when she was sure she still had Emily's attention. "The last thing she wanted was to see you fall for someone else but she knew, like those other times, that she can't give you what you wanted at the time. The only difference is, this time she thought she was the one who decided to walk away from you, not knowing something already happened between you and Tara when she was in Radnor." Dani explained without any hint of judgment in her voice.
"So you see, what you did? Cheating with Tara and then lying all this time about it, hurt Paige more than you know because she actually came up to the girl and told Tara how to take care of you. At that time she saw Tara as someone trustworthy. Someone who could make you happy again. So the knowledge that you cheated on her with Tara was like a slap to the face because Tara was already taking care of you even before she was out of the picture." Dani said quietly. "To her it felt like you already left her. That you already found someone you wanted again and she didn't even know she already lost you."
"It was never like that with Tara." Emily said, shaking her head. "I never felt that way about her. She became a friend. That's all. She was there when I needed someone to talk to. Someone who didn't know about the accident because I was tired of seeing the same look people gave me every day. I wanted to be around someone who didn't look at me with either pity or admiration for being the perfect girlfriend when I was anything but." Emily confessed.
"You make a habit of making out with your friends?" Dani asked, smirking.
"That was a mistake. Paige and I already talked about it." Emily said defensively.
Dani nodded. "You did. And she forgave you the next day. Which is why it came as a surprise to me and especially to Paige when you pushed her away and chose Tara over her. Especially when you said so yourself just now that it was never like that between you and Tara. So what aren't you telling me?" She asked, feeling herself starting to get mad. She didn't let Emily speak. "Are you really so terrified of Paige's love for you that you'd rather go back to the girl you cheated with?" Dani asked incredulously.
"Emily, stop holding back your feelings for Paige. Stop doubting whether Paige will stop loving you and stop feeling the need to be perfect for her because Paige loves you in spite of your flaws. Paige fell in love with you because your flaws made you who you are. She didn't see your perfection Emily. She saw your imperfections and looked past it. She loves you for trying." Dani said quietly.
"Do you even know why I'm with Paige? Even if I knew she really wanted to be with you? It's because I can't let you walk in and out of her life anymore. I know she cares about me so she wouldn't hurt me intentionally." Dani explained. "That's why I decided I would be her reason why you won't be able to come back in her life again. Not unless you're certain. Because unlike those other times that she was just waiting for you, this time I was in the picture. But it didn't work because you still found ways to hurt each other." Dani smiled ruefully. "I still can't protect her heart from you because even if you're not saying anything, your mere presence is enough to break it."
Emily lost the battle to hold herself together and finally broke down. "I did it to protect Paige." She said in between sobs.
Dani's brows furrowed in confusion. "Did what?" She asked.
Emily stood up and took out her phone before approaching Dani's bed. Wordlessly, she showed the message 'A' sent her the night Paige came by her house. "I love her so much Dani." Emily said brokenly. "I didn't choose Tara. I just couldn't choose Paige the way she wanted me to." She said in between sobs. "I almost lost her twice."
"So why are you here? If you did it to protect Paige and staying away from her is the only way to keep her safe, why are you here?" Dani asked, trying to get Emily to say what she wanted to hear. "You didn't answer my question earlier. Why are we really having this conversation? What do you want?" She insisted.
Emily forced herself to stop crying. "I want you to set her free." She said, looking Dani straight in the eye.
"Why? What makes you so sure she'll come back to you once I do?" Dani asked, still waiting to hear something from Emily.
"I'm not. But I'm not asking so that she'll return to me. I'm asking because I'm going to ask her to take me back and if there's even a small chance she will, I need to know you're willing to give her up. Because that's something I could never do." Emily said earnestly.
"Last night Paige's words reminded me why one of us has to keep holding on. I can't stand being away from her anymore. Paige may be strong enough to do it but not me. I need her back. So please tell me you can do it. If 'A' wants to come after her then I will be there beside her when it happens." She said quietly. "She can't keep on sacrificing Dani. She needs to understand that I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. I know it took me a while to realize it but she's my one." Emily admitted hoarsely.
And there it is. "Well it's about damn time Fields." Dani said, satisfied.
"So you can do it? You can set her free?" Emily asked anxiously.
"You're forgetting something." Dani said quietly. "It's still Paige's decision in the end. If she wants me to let her go then I will. But if she doesn't…" She gave Emily a rueful smile. "I'm sorry but I won't."
"I come bearing gifts." Paige announced once she entered Dani's hospital room. Beaming at her girlfriend widely, she went over to Dani and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting on the chair near her bed. "The doctors said you could have mashed potatoes and ice cream. I figured you'd like the ice cream better." She said as she took the pint of ice cream out of the paper bag and showed the flavor to Dani. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
Dani smiled at her wistfully. "Thanks." She said, trying to commit to memory the past few days she and Paige spent together as a couple.
She struggled to stop herself from breaking down as she watched Paige open the pint of ice cream, scooping some and placing the spoon in front of her. Wordlessly, she opened her mouth and ate the ice cream, smiling at Paige. Paige grinned at her and scooped some for herself.
"Where's Caleb?" Dani asked, looking outside the window of her hospital room.
"Having lunch with Hanna and the others." Paige said, scooping another serving of ice cream and feeding it to Dani. Dani ate the ice cream, trying to convince herself that she was tearing up because of brain freeze. "I told him I was actually looking forward to spending some alone time with you so he went with them to grab some lunch." Paige said before eating another scoop of ice cream herself.
Dani cleared her throat. Here goes nothing. "So. Emily and I had a chance to talk while you and Caleb were out." She began. "All this time we got it wrong. She showed me the text 'A' sent her. She was threatened Paige. She had to kiss Tara or 'A' is going after you." Dani explained.
Paige shrugged. "Okay. I guess that explains what I saw then." She said nonchalantly, trying to make sense of everything that happened since then. Emily's behavior explained what happened that night. But not everything else after.
"That's it?" Dani asked incredulously. "That's your reaction? Oh okay, I guess that takes care of that?" She said, shaking her head. "Paige, this is the love of your life we're talking about."
"What do you want me to say?" Paige asked, annoyed. "What's done is done Dani. Am I still hurt about it? Of course I am. Having them come at me is better than seeing her with Tara." She admitted, starting to take her frustration out on the pint of ice cream she held in her hands.
"Come on P, lately you guys may be fighting all the time but the girl still loves you. You're deluding yourself if you think she'll let that happen. What, you're the only one who can make sacrifices for love?" Dani asked disbelievingly.
"Why didn't she stop with the kiss then? Why did she have to say those things to me?" Paige asked, the pain and hurt evident in her voice.
"It was a game Paige. She had to pull Tara in and push you away. That was the rule." Dani explained gently.
"Well there's such a thing as overkill." Paige said adamantly.
"Paige, two can play that game. The longer you stuck around fighting with her the more ammo you gave her to push you away. You need to talk to her. Talk. Don't shout, don't fight. Please. I think you should give it another try Paige." Dani said, trying to hide the pain of saying those words.
"No." Paige said, shaking her head vehemently. "I can't. Those things she said..." She began.
"She didn't mean them. She had to find a way to push you away because she was terrified that 'A' would get to you this time." Dani said, trying to make Paige understand Emily's actions.
"I didn't mean that night Dani. I meant since that night. Ever since we got here, those things she said, I can't bear to hear those words again. I don't want to. She's so full of anger and bitterness towards me. It's better this way." Paige said quietly.
"You're not happy with me." Dani said the words she knew Paige didn't have the courage to tell her.
"I can try." Paige insisted.
Dani chuckled humorlessly. "Did you hear what you just said? You never had to try with Emily. I love you Paige. I don't think it's going to go away anytime soon. But why try to be happy with me when it comes naturally when you're with Emily?" She asked, smiling at her best friend sadly.
"But I thought we decided to try?" Paige asked, refusing to risk her heart again.
"We did. And we failed. I don't regret being your girlfriend Paige. I will never forget these past few days because somehow I finally got you to look at me. After all those years. I know you care about me. But we have to admit that we work better as friends. You and Emily, ever since you guys officially broke up, all you ever did was fight." Dani said quietly. "You and I will eventually find a way to be friends again because that's what we were good at. But you and Emily will never find a way to just be friends because it will never be enough."
"Then I guess we'll spend the rest of our lives as strangers." Paige said faintly. "She doesn't want the love I have for her Dani. She hates me for loving her this much. I told her I was done trying to make her accept it." She uttered resignedly as the words Emily said in the bathroom and the hospital rooftop came back to her.
"Are you?" Dani asked quietly. "Or are you just saying that to convince yourself that you're capable of giving up when it comes to her?" She said sadly. "Paige, I'm not saying the love you have for her isn't great. Because it is. And I wish someday someone could love me that way too. But the love Emily has for you is great in its own way. Trust me on this; you need the love Emily has for you."
Dani gave her best friend a faint smile. "You need someone to remind you that you are worth holding on to. That sometimes, letting go is not the only answer. Because you can't always let go Paige. You can't always sacrifice. Sometimes, even if it hurts like hell, you fight for it. You hold on tight because you know that somewhere down the road it will still work. And that's what Emily is capable of. That's the kind of love she is offering you. I know it might seem hard right now but you guys will eventually find a way to make it work. She's ready to accept the love you have for her. I saw it. But it isn't a one-way street. You have to be willing to let her love you the way she does too." Dani said gently.
When Paige still won't say anything, Dani continued. "Paige, it's your decision. If you can honestly tell me that you've given up on Emily, and that you really want to be with me, then I won't let you go. But if you have to lie to convince yourself that you're done trying, because you know with absolute certainty that it's always going to be her, then I won't stand in the way. So what's it going to be?"
"Why do you have a picture of Ali?" Hanna asked, the confusion evident in her voice as she took the photo Caleb held in one hand while he fished for the keys to the van in his pocket.
"Who?" Caleb asked distractedly as he tried his other pocket this time. Damn these deep pockets. He thought to himself, annoyed.
"Ali." Hanna repeated, waving the photo in front of Caleb.
"That's Ali?" Caleb asked in surprise as he looked at the photo he and Dani took from Alan Moore's house.
"Yeah. She has the same photo in her room. I saw it." Hanna said as she returned the photo to Caleb.
Caleb took the photo and furrowed his brows, baffled. Why would Alan Moore have a photo of Ali?
"Hello, earth to Caleb." Hanna said, waving a hand in front of her boyfriend. "What's up with you?" She asked worriedly.
"Nothing." Caleb said, giving her a small smile. "I'm just trying to figure something out."
"Well, you didn't answer my question. Why do you have Ali's baby picture?" Hanna asked as she leaned on the wall beside the door of Dani's hospital room.
"I'm not sure myself." Caleb admitted, confusing Hanna further. "I'll tell you when the time is right." He promised as he gave the keys to Hanna.
"Suit yourself." Hanna said, shrugging. "Are you sure you don't want to grab dinner with us? Dani said she's going to be fine being alone for a few hours." She said as she took the keys from him, prying herself away from the wall.
Caleb shook his head as he stared at his sister inside her hospital room. "She needs me right now." He said quietly. "Besides, I already had lunch with you guys earlier today. Dani gets me tonight." Caleb said, trying to make Hanna understand. "Go. Have fun with Aria and Spencer. Enjoy the Hamptons. At least some of us should." He said, touching Hanna's arm briefly.
Hanna gave him a grin. "Okay. I'll bring you some leftovers later then." She promised as she checked her watch. "Shoot. I have to go; we're going to meet Jason since he's treating us." Hanna said before giving Caleb a quick kiss on the lips. "I love you."
"I love you too." Caleb said earnestly. "Be careful out there okay? And don't mention Ali's photo over dinner. I need you to keep it between us for now."
"What photo?" Hanna asked innocently, earning a grateful smile from Caleb.
With a wave, he turned his back to Hanna and went inside Dani's room. His sister looked up from the magazine she was reading on her lap and stared at Caleb in surprise.
"I thought you guys were grabbing dinner?" Dani asked as she closed the magazine and placed it gingerly on the bedside table.
"They are. But I decided to stay in." Caleb said as he closed the door behind him and approached Dani's bed. "Move over." He said quietly.
"Caleb, you don't have to do this. Seriously. I'm fine." Dani said, fighting the urge to cry. She didn't want Caleb to comfort her because she didn't want to break down.
"I don't doubt that you'll be fine eventually." Caleb said softly. "Tomorrow you can go back to being fine." He said as he sat beside Dani and gently placed one arm around his sister.
Dani swallowed hard and nodded her head once. She suddenly felt exhausted. Moving closer to Caleb, she rested her head on his shoulder and let out the tears she'd been trying to hold back the minute Paige left her.
Paige took a deep breath when she finally reached the safety of the room she shared with Dani. Exhausted, she plopped face down on the bed and groaned inwardly. Tonight she managed to break her best friend's heart all over again. Way to go Paige. You're so gonna win the best friend of the year award. She turned over and looked at the ceiling, watching absentmindedly as the trees cast shadows in the dark room. She tried to think where everyone was right now. Dani was in the hospital, crying because of her. Caleb is probably with her, plotting in his mind how to make Paige pay for hurting his sister. Hanna and the others were probably out having dinner somewhere. She was all alone. It was probably better that way. Reluctantly, she got up and felt her way around the room, looking for a change of clothes. Finally finding her stuff, she rummaged through her things and eventually settled on a set of grey stripe racerback pajamas. Quickly changing into it, she went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, looking forward to ending the day by retreating to the safety of the bed she shared with Dani. She was about to settle in when there was a hesitant knock on the door. So close. Paige thought as she went to the door to see who was in the house other than her. And of course you have to stand in my bedroom door wearing that. Paige thought once she opened the door to see Emily in a pair of black satin boxer pajamas. The top somehow only had one buttonhole which was conveniently found on her chest, leaving the area below it exposed. Paige willed herself to stop looking at the smooth skin that was Emily's stomach and instead tried to look impassively at the girl standing in front of her.
"Hey." Emily said nervously, her hands behind her back.
"Hey." Paige replied, her voice hoarse.
"Did you talk to Dani?" Emily asked anxiously.
Paige nodded her head wordlessly as she positioned herself between the door and the jamb, one hand gripping the door handle, willing her heart to stop pounding so wildly.
"So you know. About the text. Why I kissed Tara?" Emily asked, biting her lower lip nervously.
"Yeah." Paige said quietly.
"Why I said those things to you?" Emily continued hesitantly.
"Which ones? There were so many I eventually lost count." Paige answered coolly.
"The ones I said after you saw me and Tara." Emily clarified, willing to apologize for every hurtful word she said to Paige if it meant the girl will take her back. "I was trying to push you away." She explained.
"And you couldn't have thought of a better way to do it?" Paige asked incredulously.
Emily swallowed hard. "At the time, no. I couldn't. I panicked. If you hadn't seen the kiss I would have done things differently." She said hurriedly.
Paige gave her a dry laugh. "Am I supposed to feel reassured by that?" She asked, hurt.
Emily shook her head, the movement sending her silky raven hair cascading around her shoulders. "No. You don't have to feel anything. I wasn't trying to make you feel better because however you looked at it I still would've hurt you if it meant keeping you alive. I just want a chance to explain. Please." She pleaded. When Paige didn't say anything, Emily continued. "Paige, everything I said that night was a lie." She began.
"Everything I said weren't." Paige said frankly.
"I know. That's why I wanted you to have this." Emily said quietly before revealing what she was hiding behind her, a medium-sized rectangular tin box with a yellow bow on top. "It's sort of my birthday gift to you." She said nervously.
"What's in this?" Paige asked quietly as she accepted the box, not looking at Emily.
"The truth. The answers to your question." Emily admitted timidly. "The one I never answered that night. If you didn't leave... will I still tell you about the kiss?" She said, her heart pounding wildly. She had to make Paige listen. "I know that isn't exactly the answer you're looking for but if you asked if I would have told you about it sooner then yes. Seven hundred and twenty one times yes." She began as Paige placed the box on top of the dresser in her room that was beside the door. "A few days after you left I wrote you a letter and I told you about the kiss. The next day I wrote another one, and another, and another until I had seven hundred and twenty one unsent letters to you. All of those were confessions about the kiss. I want you to have it." Emily pleaded.
"Anything else in those letters I should know about?" Paige asked softly.
Emily felt Paige's attitude towards her start to soften and she felt encouraged. She nodded her head. "The stuff about feeling pressured to change for you. I didn't mean it. It's in there too. It may seem like I hate trying to be better but being with you makes me hate not wanting to be. I hate not trying for you because your unwavering belief in me made me see the person I can become. Made me want to become that person." Emily confessed.
"I'm sorry for what I said in the bathroom. I didn't mean it. I just got so frustrated." She said, starting to apologize for her role in their argument the entire day yesterday.
"Because it wasn't enough that after all these years I still can't stop blaming myself, now I had to drag you into my damaged world by using you as my excuse for my actions. I get it." Paige said quietly.
"No. You really don't." Emily said firmly, refusing to allow Paige to stop her from saying what she needed to say. "I got frustrated because I still can't get through to you. Paige, even if I don't understand what you went through, what you're going through, I want to try. But you have to help me. I know I shouldn't have said those things to you especially when in your mind you let your parents die so I could live. I don't want you to think that I regret surviving. That your parents died in vain. And that I loved you any less after what happened." Emily said softly. She saw how much those words meant to the vulnerable girl standing in front of her and continued. "I'm sorry if my actions in the past made you feel like you weren't good enough. Because the truth is I'm the one who isn't good enough for you. You deserve better." She said sincerely.
Paige furrowed her brows, shaking her head vehemently. "Don't say that. Don't ever think of yourself that way. I don't want someone better if that someone isn't you." She admitted firmly.
Emily felt herself starting to tear up. Maybe it isn't too late. "Then don't ever think that you're not good enough for me too. Because it hurts me that you thought you had nothing left to give. That you had to have something to give to be with me. Paige you're presence in my life is enough. You're more than enough." She said, trying to close the distance between them.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear nervously. "You said you were willing to sacrifice for me. Well you're not the only one who can make sacrifices for the person you love Paige. I'd rather get used to staying apart rather than not see you at all. So the night I decided to kiss Tara and push you away I chose you. By choosing Tara I chose you." Emily said, trying to make Paige understand.
"So why are you here?" Paige asked hoarsely.
"The immensity of the love you have for me changed my mind." Emily said humbly. "I'm not as strong as you are when it comes to letting go. I can't stand being away from you anymore and I refuse to let 'A' keep us apart." She said emotionally. "I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize that I need the kind of love you have for me." She admitted, her voice breaking. "I need someone who loves me so much that they always want what's best for me. Even if it means making a huge sacrifice. But because of your selflessness when it comes to me you forgot something else. What about you?" Emily asked brokenly.
"What about me?" Paige asked, looking away.
"What about your happiness?" Emily asked, willing Paige to look at her.
"It doesn't matter." Paige answered faintly, finally looking at Emily.
The girl's words brought a pang of sorrow to Emily. Just when she thought she could ask Paige to take her back, the girl seemed reluctant to do so. It can't be over. "I realized last night that I need the kind of love you have for me. But when will you realize that you need the kind of love I have for you?" Emily asked sadly.
When Paige didn't say anything, Emily took a deep breath and decided it was her turn. "I may not be as good as you when putting into words how much I love you but I'll try. So it's your turn to listen this time." She began. "I know the lengths you'd go to just to let me go. When you think it isn't working anymore and that I'm hurting because of it, I know you'll find the strength to walk away." Emily said, smiling softly.
"But you see, I'm not like you. And I think it's a good thing too. That I would rather hold on. I won't let you give up on us without a fight because I know for certain that it will still work out." Emily said unwaveringly. "Because even if we changed so much, when our feelings are this strong and real we'll find a way to make it work. Someone I love so much told me that not too long ago."
She gave Paige a sad smile. "This is how much I love you." She whispered softly. "You think you're beyond damaged. That you're broken and spent so you'd rather dwell in the darkness. Well I am the person who would join you in that darkness and choose to be your light instead." Emily said as she choked back a sob. "You may want what's best for me. But I need you to understand that everything else comes in second when it comes to you. You said you'd always put me first. So if I tell you that right now what I want is you, what I need, is you, will you still let me go? You won't take me back?" She asked breathlessly.
Emily took another step closer to Paige until her foot was almost inside Paige's room. She took a deep breath. This was it. "Am I too late? Did I lose you forever? I want to know." Emily said, her voice hoarse. "That night you came to my house you chose me. Can you tell me if you can do it again? Choose me? Take me back? Can you please just take me back?" Emily asked, a sob escaping her lips. "Because I love you. So much. And I don't know how to stop. And I can't take it anymore. You said you came back for me. So I'm here. And you're here. And you said you came back..."
Without warning, before she realized what was happening, she felt Paige's warm hands touching the smooth skin on her stomach, gently, firmly pulling her close. It was pure bliss. The feel of Paige's lips on hers. Tears of happiness fell from her eyes unbidden as Emily gasps and instinctively wrapped her arms around Paige's neck, pulling herself closer to her, wanting every part of their body to touch. The years they spent apart seemingly disappeared and the world seemed to stop as their tongues dueled, unleashing the pent up emotions they've kept at bay. Emily inched herself closer to Paige. Even if they were gripping each other tightly, the space between their bodies non-existent, it didn't seem enough. Paige felt herself getting lost in Emily's kisses but she musters enough strength to pull herself away for a brief moment. Staring into Emily's eyes, she finally saw the love she had all these years for the girl she was holding in her arms clearly reflected in those eyes. She found that moment again. Certainty, bliss. Touching their foreheads together, she gently wiped a tear that fell from Emily's eyes. She moved to kiss Emily once again but not before she uttered the words she wanted Emily to hear.
"Emily, you never had to ask." Paige said with bated breath before capturing Emily's lips on hers once again, gently pulling her inside the room and closing the door behind her.