Here, you can be anything, anything that scares you
I think that scares you
Here, I've been here before, but only by myself
I promised I'd see this again
I promised I'd see this with you now ;;
It was hard to determine what exactly had happened that day when Bella fell in the woods, overwhelmed and defeated by a dozen warring emotions that left her feeling emptied and drained. She was only vaguely aware of the fact that the ground seemed to leave her and she was floating, flying, weightless. And hour later when she fully became aware of her surroundings again, she realized where she was. Initially, she wondered if she'd fallen asleep when she was looking for Jasper and everything that had just happened had been a dream. It would have worked to be believable… had she not still felt so much pain when she opened her eyes and noted where she was. She had accomplished what she'd set out to do – find Jasper. But she had gotten a lot more than she ever would have bargained for.
If a pain was so great that it was all-consuming, it would have made sense for most people to do whatever they could have to try and avoid it, do something that would lessen the way it felt. Perhaps they would have come up with ways to distract themselves from it, surround themselves with people and activities that had no ties to it, and thus, hope to be able to somehow cope with what it was doing to them. That is what most people would have done.
Bella Swan was not most people, however. Instead of trying to avoid the pain of the memory from the day in the woods, she let it take over. She didn't try to fight it off or cope with it. How could she? She didn't have Jasper any longer. And he didn't want her. There would be nothing that she could do to lessen the hurt that such a thing caused and thus, it was pointless to even make an attempt. Believing that something could take the place of how she felt about him, regardless of everything, was an insult to any relationship they'd ever had. But what did a person do when the one thing that mattered most to them in the world was nowhere to be found?
Mostly, they wallowed. They wallowed in grief. But not only that, they did everything they could to try and feel close to that thing – or in Bella's case, that person - that they could have. It was only a few days since she'd driven back to her house that night with the understanding that she would never have Jasper back, but those few days had been full of him. Sleep had become an extremely rare occurrence. Bella was far too afraid that if she did, the only thing she would see would be Jasper. Rather, Jasper with Maria. The fear was enough to push away drowsiness and keep her lying awake at night. When she should have been sleeping, instead, she was reading. Every book that she'd checked out from the library at Port Angeles had been torn through. She stayed up for hours and hours, researching, reading, learning. He was in two books. The first had been the one that she'd initially read his name in the day they'd had their original outing to the library. The second was an unexpected find. Unexpected, yes, but more beneficial than what the first book had been. This particular text had a bigger section about him, more details about his initial joining of the Confederacy and his leadership there on out. Most importantly, this book also had a picture. Bella's breath caught in her throat when she saw it, shocked so badly that she dropped the book in a clatter to the floor. She'd retrieved it and frantically turned back to the page. There, right on the bottom left above his name, was his picture. He wasn't smiling, but there was something about his eyes. They were proud, almost... secretive. Just like his smile had been in her dream. And like in her dream, he was wearing his uniform and printed in sepia tones.
She stared at the picture for hours. When she should have been sleeping, instead, she was fixated on his picture. In that picture, she pretended like he still loved her, like it was the picture she would look at if they'd lived together back then. It didn't give her 'hope' – that wouldn't be the right word to use anymore. But it gave her something to hold onto to.
In keeping with her masochistic ways, Bella, on one very dark afternoon, decided to drive to the old fairground. She knew the way by heart though she had never actually driven the route herself. She had always viewed it from the passenger side and often that view was obstructed because she was far too transfixed on Jasper, but she managed. She made it there exactly as she'd planned. It was cold for the summer, but she didn't care. It was going to storm something awful. But again, Bella didn't care. She didn't care about anything.
Except this place.
It hurt. It hurt to be there without him, but she had expected it to. That was not a surprise. For quite some time, she lay curled up in their carriage. When it started to rain, Bella didn't move. She only closed her eyes to listen to it and imagine that she was somewhere else. Or rather, that she was in the same place, just at a different time. And she wasn't alone.
After seeing that Bella was able to drive normally on the day he carried her to her truck, Jasper returned to the woods to hunt. The events preceding his hunt had left him very thirsty and that was taken care of by feeding on a bear. He remained in in that area for another couple of days before he finally left the woods. Much to Esme's delight, he returned to the Cullen house. He needed to change his clothes. Before he'd gone there, though, he stopped by and picked up Annabelle from where he left her a long time ago. It felt good to be in the driver's seat again and he wasted no time in pulling out into traffic. He did not stop until he'd pulled into the garage at his family's home. He'd hoped they would all be out hunting so he could go in, get clothes, and leave. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. They were all there, going about their lives.
Esme had been the happiest to see him. She embraced her blonde son tightly upon seeing him and was loathe to let go. Even though it was universally understood between those in the Cullen house that sometimes Jasper went off to be on his own, that didn't mean he wasn't missed while he was gone - by Esme, at least. Jasper just came home to take a shower and change his clothing. He also needed to speak with Carlisle about recent events. He would leave out most of the details, but Carlisle needed to know that Maria was in the area. Fortunately he knew that she was not the one organizing newborns; if she had been, then they would have had much more of a reason to worry. But, having her looking for the newborns' leader was definitely nerve-racking.
Once he'd delivered the message and changed his clothing, Jasper hugged Esme goodbye. She made him promise he would get a cell phone soon and he intended to after smashing his old one. So he promised his mother he would get one within a few days and call as soon as he had it. For now though, he was on his own for a while. Jasper wasn't sure where he was going to go, but he stopped along the way to fuel up Annabelle. Then he was on his way. He drove around for hours, stopping again, but only to put the top up on his car. It was going to rain at any moment, and he did not want the interior of his car to be damaged.
He wasn't sure what made him do it. There was no logical reason behind his decision to go there, but he still went anyway. Jasper turned onto the road that would lead him to the abandoned fairgrounds. Maybe he'd gone in the hopes that he would feel something again. Maybe he wanted to remember happier times. Regardless of the reason, he was getting closer and closer to the area. In the distance, Jasper thought he could see another vehicle parked in front of the abandoned carnival. They didn't make any sense at all. For as long as they'd been going there, his car was always the only one parked out front. They were always the only two. As he drew nearer, Jasper soon realized that they still were the only two. Unless, she'd brought someone else with her. But that was definitely Bella's truck that he saw. What was she doing here? He hoped beyond hope that she had not brought Jacob. He did not believe the dog would be there. Bella, even if she did not want Jasper anymore, would surely have more respect for him and what they had than to bring Jacob to this place. So then, that meant...
He drove faster, stopping only when he'd parked his car next to her truck. He shut the door quickly and stepped out. A drop of rain was the first to greet him, followed quickly by several more. Jasper didn't care.
Bella. Bella.
She was all he could think about. He had to see her. He had to make sure she was all right. He quickly walked through the entrance as more rain started to fall. It seemed like the sky was crying the tears he hadn't been able to release throughout all of his sadness, especially now that he wasn't feeling anything at all. His clothes were starting to get soaked as he walked quickly through the fair on the familiar route that would take him to the carousel. If Bella truly was there, and that truck hadn't been a cruel trick of fate, then that was where she would be.
...And there she was, curled up in the seat of their carriage.
"Bella.."
He wasn't sure if she would had heard his voice or not, as it was raining and he had not spoken very loudly at all. But somehow, in that moment, a crack formed in the stone wall around his heart. Just seeing her there, he knew he needed her. He knew that no matter what had happened between them, that he was always going to need her, he was always going to love her. And he at least needed her to know that. Jasper started to walk again, the rain falling faster, splashing against the concrete as his feet carried him faster towards the carousel.
This was another time when Bella's imagination was so vivid, so complex, that it was spinning stories she wished to be true effortlessly. As she closed her eyes and let the steady sound of the rain lull her into relaxation, her mind drew pictures of things that didn't follow suit with the pain that she felt where her heart used to be. She remembered other things now, things that didn't have anything to do with that day in the woods or the day when she'd gone looking for Jasper when he didn't show up after he'd hunted as planned. Though nothing would ever erase the way her chest ached knowing that such memories would never amount to anything, never repeat themselves, it wasn't enough to cause her to stop dwelling in happier pictures.
The first time they'd found this place was one of her favorites. She remembered his carefree attitude, the way she would feel his calm and comfort as he drove them around, holding her hand so delicately in his. Jasper had told her that they would know their destination when they found it. This – this now bittersweet place – had been it. It wasn't anything modern or fancy or elegant by any means. But then again, they had never been any of those things either. It was different; it held character. Bella had fallen in love with it from the second he'd parked his car in the abandoned parking lot. She had fallen in love with it just as she had fallen in love with Jasper.
She wondered if maybe she'd fallen for him sooner than she gave herself credit for. Maybe, even, it had been the first time he'd come to watch over her house, the night that she'd called frantically after someone had been in her room. She could still remember the way he looked that night. It, like today, had been raining. His hair was still damp, the curls a bit unruly when he came back into her bedroom wearing Charlie's clothes. Just as clearly as if it were that morning, she could still picture the way the fabric stretched across his chest and shoulders and sagged slightly around his middle. She could see still the sliver of skin that lay between that shirt and his bottoms, well defined and pale white.
Maybe that had been the first time she fell in love with Jasper. Maybe, it had been that very second when she laughed for the first time in months upon seeing him, that she fell in love with him and everything else that had followed was just pieces fitting into the puzzle. It made sense to her. She could have admitted to that if she was asked and the idea had been presented to her. Loving Jasper had always been something that was so effortless. Even though they had everything stacked against them it seemed, actually loving him had never been anything but easy for Bella.
It was funny. Even now, even when it hurt so badly to think about it since it was no longer requited in the same way, Bella still loved him just as much, just as effortlessly as before. It was a true testament to her feelings for him when she could still possess that love, in such great amounts no less, when she didn't even have a heart anymore to house such an emotion. How was that possible? It was a question that would fit along with so many others that weren't meant to be answered, ones that never had any chance of a logical solution. Especially if Jasper was long gone. But even then, even when she felt hopeless, she could still feel him. She swore she could even hear his voice over the sound of the rain. It was enough to draw a smile to her lips.
Jasper.
There were things, though, that even an elaborate mind couldn't dream up as much as she wanted it to. And for that reason, Bella didn't understand fully what happened next. When she opened her eyes to look out at the rain, wishing to see him there, wishing to wake up from this never-ending dream… He was there. Jasper was there. Had she not been hearing things? Had he really said her name?
Of course not. He wouldn't want her name on his lips anymore. He wouldn't want to come to this place ever again. He would never want to see her. Why did her mind keep doing this to her? Sitting up, she stared longingly at the figure approaching the carousel, counting the seconds until the beautiful hallucination evaporated. She'd seen this before. She'd watched him in the rain before in sepia colored vision. Why wasn't he disappearing yet? Why did he just keep getting closer?
Bella felt desperation. She, like she did in her dream, started to move. She picked herself up from inside the carriage and stepped out into the rain, never taking her eyes away from Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. When the rain hit her, showering her in realization and in clarity, Bella felt a tug in her chest right where her heart used to be. She didn't have any answers to the questions that were all beneath the surface: why was he there? What did this mean? Instead, she only had one answer.
Jasper.
Her legs propelled her forward, splashing through the moisture that covered the fairground. She couldn't see from the way the rain made everything blurry, and yet, he was perfectly visible to her, every last detail on his face. This could have been a dream, yes. This might have only been the one that she'd experienced before, just in a different context. But it didn't matter. Either way, Bella was going to get the ending to the dream that she never managed to have before waking. She was running now, closing the shorter distance between them. When she finally got to him, when she finally reached him, everything clicked into place like it had the first time their puzzle had been made. Throwing her arms around his neck, Bella kissed him, making whatever dream this was a reality and giving it the conclusion it deserved.
But this was no dream. This was real.
Jasper had no idea what was happening, or why. He didn't know what had made him drive to the fairgrounds at that moment, or why he felt compelled to get out of the car in the rain. Nowhere else to go, perhaps. Maybe if he went there, if he sat in their carriage, he might feel something again. Whatever the reason, he was there. He didn't know why Bella was there. What reason did she have to come here anymore? Did she not have a special place with Jacob yet? Was she waiting for him to meet her here? Surely not. So then why? Why would she come to a place that held so much meaning for the two of them, when she did not want him anymore?
It didn't matter.
As soon as he saw her, all of the unknown reasons were gone. All of his doubts, all of his thoughts, everything. The memory of her curled up with Jacob on her couch had faded into obscurity. His collapse with Alice's wedding dress had been put behind him. The run in with Maria meant nothing right now. Their separation in the woods was obsolete. All that mattered was that they were both here, in this moment together. He wanted to be with her, hold her and kiss her. His whole world was rushing at him with each step Bella took in his direction. He quickened his own pace, though he did not run at her. Had he done so, he might crush her upon their impact. Instead he just walked faster towards her to meet her in the middle.
The impact of her body against his caused another crack to pierce through the stone that encased his heart. He was still very guarded, but it was enough for his love to seep through as his arms wrapped around her. He felt hers immediately finding their way around his neck and as they held each other he lifted her off the ground, capturing her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He held her body firmly against his, not about to let her go. One arm braced her back, his fingers tangling in her wet hair, while his other arm was locked around her waist. If Jasper had his way, he'd never let Bella go.
All the heartache, misunderstandings, hardships and obstacles that drove them apart were irrelevant right now, washed away by the pouring rain. They would no doubt surface again, and they would face them together and find a way to heal. This moment was pivotal. This kiss, this embrace, it was the first step. This rain, this cleansing rain, could melt away the pain they'd endured and allow them to be together. Jasper didn't care what it took; he'd find a way to make Bella whole again. He'd find that smile she had that was reserved for him. He'd find a way to break down the wall around his heart so he could love her the way she deserved. But for now, he would just kiss her, and continue to kiss her as the rain washed away their troubles.
Bella hadn't been thinking things through. Such a fact was obvious in the way she acted without considering the facts before doing so. If she would have stopped, she would have remembered that while her feelings for Jasper never wavered for an instant, it was clear that his had. It was one thing for him to mourn the loss of his wife. Bella could understand that she would never, ever be able to live up to Alice's legacy, nor ever take her place even in comparison. While that had hurt her to witness, it was something that Bella couldn't question. It was his wife. For decades, it had been his wife and if Jasper didn't want anyone else, Bella would understand. She would never question that. Instead, she would accept it as she had done. But even though she accepted it and wouldn't try to sway him or persuade him in any way to return her feelings, she'd needed Jasper to know that the ones she had for him were genuine and that they were not going away. Ever. That had been why she went looking for him. He needed to know the truth about how she felt, regardless of how he did.
When she found him with Maria, it ripped a hole through her. The effect was so strong because it was someone else. It was someone, aside from Alice, that wasn't her. It was someone who'd hurt him so badly in the past, who scarred him in every possible sense, and yet, she had been the one whose arms he went to. Not Bella's. For that, she knew she wasn't good enough. She hadn't been the one he wanted, even when he couldn't have the one he truly needed to have – Alice. Even though he'd later rejected Maria, the initial need, desire, want had still been there, still be witnessed. It was something that, again, Bella would just have to accept, even though it would kill her to do so.
Even though she'd resorted to these truths, it didn't matter. Even though she would hate herself if he pushed her away because she put him in that position that he so obviously didn't want to be in, it didn't matter. Nothing could have stopped her from running to him. Nothing could have kept her apart from him when she saw him standing in the rain.
But things happened in a way that she didn't expect. Bella didn't expect Jasper to kiss her back, to lift her off the ground and hold her close to him. She didn't expect him to react in the way she wanted him to. But he did.
His lips tasted better than anything she could remember; his scent, the sweetest smell. Her legs wrapped around his middle when he lifted her from the ground, hands losing themselves in his wet, curly locks. Bella didn't dare break apart from his lips until she was forced to take a breath, but even then, there had been a moment when she contemplated just suffocating instead. It would have been worth it. She would have easily chosen death if it meant this could be her last moment.
The only reason she decided to break apart to take the air she needed was because she wanted to look at him. When she did, that breath she'd taken was stolen immediately. The look on his face… she'd seen it before. It was the same one in the picture she'd found in her book, that very same look in his eyes. It was raining so hard on both of them, that Bella's tears were lost among the drops hitting her face, but she was crying. It was on account of nothing but happiness. Nothing else mattered in this moment except how she felt about him, how he felt about her. Anything that preceded it in a negative light was forgotten for now.
Bella leaned in to kiss him again, whispering his name against his lips. This kiss didn't last quite as long, but that was because she started to kiss every inch of his face she could reach – his jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. It was as if she'd waited to see him for years and now they were reunited. To Bella, it felt like centuries. But that, like everything else besides Jasper, didn't matter now.
Having Bella in his arms again made his world feel complete. It made him feel complete. They were together, and nothing else mattered now. All he wanted, all he needed, was literally in his grasp. The best part of it was, she'd come to him willingly. Bella wanted to come to him. Jasper didn't understand why, but he didn't need to. Actions spoke louder than words, and as cliche as that was, it was the truth. She didn't have to say anything right now; she didn't have to explain herself, and he wasn't about to ruin this moment by trying to explain himself either. Their kiss said it all. I love you, and that was all that needed to be said right now.
Kissing her was something Jasper would never grow tired of. Her lips were so, so soft, and warm. His own lips ached for hers, and were never satisfied unless their lips were pressed to each other. Jasper kissed her until she pulled back. He breathed in, taking in her scent, which he'd missed so very much. He gazed at her, able to see clearly even in the pouring rain. There was no smile on his face, because his emotions were still cut off. But it would be clear that his eyes were for Bella alone. He could see the difference between rain droplets and the tears running down her cheeks. That wouldn't do. He didn't want her to cry, even if they were tears of joy. Though at the same time, to see someone expressing their emotions so purely, even in tears, was the most beautiful thing in the world to Jasper. He watched her for only a moment before he kissed her tears away.
As her name fell off his lips, Jasper held her closer and kissed her deeply. This time when she broke away, he felt her lips kissing his face, his jaw, everywhere she could reach. Jasper just held her against him and continued to breathe in her scent. He never wanted this moment to end, ever. He just wanted to lose himself in her, to hold her, kiss her, and be with her forever. That wasn't possible, though. At least, it wasn't possible for them to stay there forever. She'd get sick if she stayed outside in this weather for too long.
"I need to get you out of the rain," he whispered into her hair, but made no move to let her go.
It was strange that Bella couldn't feel his emotions coming off of him. Usually, whatever he felt could be easily read just by being in his presence. Even though she was as close as she could be physically with her limbs wrapped around him tightly, she couldn't feel whatever he was feeling. It was a first for her and she wasn't sure what to read into that. His actions said that he wanted her, that he was happy to see her and he liked her being so close to him, but she couldn't be assured of it unless he told her or she felt it.
But even with such a peculiar truth, it didn't change the way she was feeling. And it would be impossible for him to not feel those things radiating from her. Love; That was the strongest one she had. It was the one thing that overpowered anything else in that moment. Hurt was still there. Pain was still there. Confusion, fear, doubt – they were all there. But every last one of them had been pushed aside to make room for the love she felt. At least he wouldn't be able to doubt that. Jasper wouldn't be able to doubt that as far as that single emotion was concerned, he had all of hers.
When Jasper said he needed to get her out of the rain, she could barely hear him. She pressed her cheek to his, nuzzling his face. The rain was making it harder to at least be comfortable. It was cold, despite it still being a summer storm, and when she touched his skin, she shivered. But she was so afraid that if she agreed, he would separate from her. She was so scared that if she acted too quickly, it would end too quickly. Bella didn't want to be separated from him, not again. She didn't know if she would survive that again for as fragile as she already was.
Though she was hardly a whimsical person, and instead, was usually one that relied on common sense to get her through most things in addition to logical thought, Bella turned very uncharacteristic of herself in that respect when she spoke. "Let's just run away," she said against his neck, pulling him closer.
She didn't want to let go of him. She couldn't. Bella didn't even want to get back to reality. Though this essentially was, the only thing in this current reality was this fairground. It was only the two of them. She didn't want to give that up so soon when there were so many things that threatened to tear them apart, so many people that threatened to tear them apart.
"Let's just go," she pleaded. "Just the two of us."
Jasper knew that the icy temperature of his skin could not be helping Bella's comfort level very much - in the literal sense, at least. She had to be freezing, on top of already being soaked from the rain. He did not want her falling ill because of it, so he knew he had to get her out of the rain and warmed up before that happened. It was hard, though, to think of leaving this place. It already held so many fond memories for them, and now it was also the sight of where they were reunited after being separated for so long. Leaving almost seemed cruel, and Jasper would've been lying if he said he didn't fear his world would come crumbling down if they left. Bella's health was more important to him than that.
Her words reached his ears and he just held her a bit tighter. Running away would not solve everything. It would not do away with their obstacles and issues. But... Maybe by leaving they could have the time they needed to heal themselves of their wounds. They could figure out how to overcome the obstacles they were facing, and address concerns directly rather than skirting around them or avoiding them all together. They could just be Bella and Jasper for a while, with nothing else to hinder their love.
Jasper did not verbally answer her, but he did nod his head and kiss her temple.
He turned, keeping Bella in his arms. He carried her back towards the parking lot where both her truck and Annabelle were parked. Once he obtained a new cell phone, he would call Carlisle and ask that he and either Emmett or Esme come fetch her truck and take it back to the house. He didn't know what Bella would tell Charlie, but right now all he could think about was getting her warm and getting her away as she requested. They could worry about any loose ends later. One step at a time, and the first was to get her out of the rain.
He carried her to Annabelle, unlocking the door and reluctantly setting her down in her seat. Jasper made sure she was situated and lightly caressed her cheek, then walked around to the back of the car. He opened the trunk, pulled out a fleece blanket and took it to her, draping it over her. He closed her door for her, then walked around to the driver's side of the car. He'd worry about the interior later. There was very little that could be done about that now. He closed his door, then put the key in the ignition and brought Annabelle to life. He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, unsure of where it would take them.
That didn't matter, though. He had Bella beside him. Wherever they went, to Jasper, it would be home.
Jasper didn't need to say anything out loud. His agreement in the form of a kiss and nod would suffice well enough for Bella. She held onto him tightly when he walked the two of them to his car. It was so comforting to be in his arms like this, clinging to him tightly. She buried her face against his chest and closed her eyes, tightening her legs and arms around him. That was one good thing about him being unbreakable – she could hold onto him as tightly as she wanted and it would never hurt him. She only wished she could say the same thing about herself. But Bella wouldn't waste her time right now worrying about their differences. Right now, the only thing that mattered was that they were similar in that they both wanted to get away.
She didn't think much about the details right now and wouldn't for quite some time until they'd arrived wherever they wound up. She knew she would have to contact Charlie and tell him she was at least okay, but aside from that, there was nothing that was concerning her for the moment. They didn't have anything packed, nothing at all prepared for a trip. Even the clothes on their backs were soaked through. But such concerns flew out the window. Later. Later when they had to talk through everything else, they would be able to figure it out. For now, all that mattered was the road that led them away from Forks.
It was difficult to let go of him. Bella usually wasn't one to cling by any means, but she had a fear of being away from Jasper now that she wasn't sure she would be able to get rid of anytime soon. Nor was she sure she even wanted to. When he situated her in the car with the blanket, she pulled it around herself, trying to cover as much of her wet clothes as she could in order to spare Annabelle. As soon as he joined her, Bella fished out his hand, linking her fingers with his. She didn't plan on letting go anytime soon.
Throughout the journey, her eyes only remained on him. She didn't know where they were going or what surroundings were passing them by as he drove, but it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was ensuring that he stay with her. For that reason, she was so afraid to even blink her eyes too often. Bella was so afraid that if she closed them, if she fell asleep even for a second (though her body was screaming with physical and emotional exhaustion), that he would be gone when they opened once more. It wasn't a risk she could take. So, the entire time they drove, her eyes never left the perfect features of his face.
While driving, Jasper turned up the heat in order to help Bella warm up. He knew that her holding his hand wouldn't be doing her any favors in that regard, so every little bit helped. Annabelle fortunately had fairly good heat circulation so it did not take very long for the warm air to fill the car. Jasper did not even feel it, but he hoped that it would help Bella and prevent her from falling ill. He'd hoped she would fall asleep. Not because he did not want her company, but because he knew she probably needed it. She had to be tired, and he knew that sleep would probably help to pass the time for her.
He didn't really say anything while he was driving. Jasper usually was able to always find something to talk about while in Bella's presence. That was effortless, just like everything else that went on between them. He probably could have started to talk about pretty much anything, but right now words just did not seem appropriate. They needed to get to their destination, wherever it was, so that they could talk about everything that needed to be addressed. Bella would need to get some sleep first, because he wanted her completely with him and coherent when they spoke. Though Jasper still found her to be gorgeous, he did not like how tired and worn down she looked. What could have been the cause for that? Had she really missed him that much, even with Jacob around? Or was it out of guilt? There were so many questions he had and he hoped he would get an answer to them all.
He drove north for a couple of hours, passing several towns. Jasper did not start out with any intended place to stay. There was no elaborate plan, which was something he wasn't entirely used to because he had several other siblings and parents who planned things out carefully before executing them. But this? This was the most spontaneous thing he'd done in a very long time.
He kept driving, hoping that something would catch his eye and tell him to take the next exit, or to keep going all the way to the ends of the earth. One sign did stand out to him, though. Nehalem Bay, Oregon. Carlisle owned a cabin and some land out there. They could stay at the cabin and go to town when necessary. Jasper liked this idea. He'd be able to hunt every now and then as needed too. Occasionally he would look over and see Bella's eyes on him, but he quickly looked back ahead at the road. He lightly squeezed her hand, and kissed it, then tucked them both under her blanket and drove on.
It would be another few hours before they reached their destination. It was a remote fishing town, but they weren't even staying in it. On the outskirts of the town, it was very heavily wooded. The road wound back into the woods, and Jasper continued to follow it until they reached a cabin in the woods. Once there, he nodded towards it.
"Is this all right? It's Carlisle's. I just thought we could be alone here."
It was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep her eyes on Jasper as badly as Bella wanted to. There were a few times when she couldn't help but to let her eyes close for just a few minutes. But the cold of his hand was enough to remind her that she needed to stay awake. She needed to at least wait until they'd reached a final destination before she could consider herself relaxed enough to actually sleep. Bella wouldn't do it unless she could do so in his arms. It had been so long since that happened, that Bella forgot what a good night's sleep actually entailed. It didn't seem to exist unless Jasper was there.
When she felt the car slow somewhat after they'd gotten off at an exit, she took her eyes away from him in order to survey the surroundings. She could smell the scent of the ocean strongly before she could actually see it and she figured out that there were somewhere along the coast. The town was fairly small, but it was bigger than Forks. When he asked her opinion as he explained where they were, Bella looked back at him and nodded. She felt too tired now to even speak much, which, was a shame considering she knew they had so much they needed to talk about with each other. They would have time though. They'd found a haven where they could be alone, just as he'd said. And because it was a place that belonged to Carlisle, she figured that Jasper knew the lay of the land which would be better than if they were to wind up somewhere neither of them had even been before.
Before he could get out of the car, she let go of his hand, leaning over so she could reach her hands to hold his cheeks. Bella kissed him once quickly, just to let Jasper know that she loved him, before pulling back and waiting until he opened her door. Her eyes felt heavy when he lifted her out of the seat, still wrapped up in the blanket. It, like her clothes, was nearly completely dry after hours or driving. Bella was thankful that Jasper carried her inside; she didn't think she would be able to make it on her own for how exhausted she was. Jasper seemed to understand that thought because he took her right to bed before anything else.
Bella wouldn't fight him, nor would she fight sleep any longer. Rather, she would just resort to the fact that before they could do anything, she would need to catch up on the many nights of ill-rest she'd been nursing. She took off her shoes, crawling underneath the covers and reaching for him the moment she was settled. It wasn't until Bella was laying her head on his chest with an arm wrapped around his torso. It was cold, but it was the kind of cold that comforted her. Her lips pressed against the fabric of his shirt once before she sighed. Literally in a matter of seconds afterward, Bella was fast asleep.
Author's Note: Told you guys to trust us. ;) The next chapter has a lot of talking, explaining, and understanding. But rest assured, Jasper and Bella aren't separating any time soon. Please review and let us know your thoughts! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Cheers!
Lyrics: Just Watch the Fireworks - Jimmy Eat World