A/N: Hey guys! Please, Please review! Tell me what you think! I hope you like it! xx
"Morning Niall." Zayn said cheerfully. "Morning." Niall said back, rubbing his puffy read eyes. "Did you watch your two videos?" Zayn asked him, "Yup." Niall said grabbing a box of cereal out of the cupboard and pouring himself a bowl, adding milk.
Zayn watched him from the couch with a light smirk on his face. The blonde boy sat down at the counter with his back to Zayn, taking a spoonful of cheerios. After swallowing it down, he began twirling his spoon around in a maze of small circled pieces of cereal.
"What's the date?" the Irish lad suddenly asked. "July nineteenth." Zayn replied and Niall began slightly nodding his head. "So for almost a month, you and the guys have been reminding me, over and over again that I wont ever remember anything ever again?" Niall asked, and for a moment, Zayn was unsure of how to reply to his question. Was Niall going to have a fit? Was he going to cry? What would he do? The doctors had warned the boys of all effects this might take on Niall and Zayn wasn't sure if he was ready for them.
"Zayn!?" Niall asked sturdily. "Yeah Niall. We have been." Zayn replied. Niall stood up dumping his cereal in the sink and walked back to his room shutting and locking the door behind him. He hated this.
He hated feeling so helpless and dependent on his friends. He rubbed his eyes, just noticing their dampness. He wasn't going to let himself cry now.
He looked over to his bedside table to find a black leather book with a black silk ribbon sticking out of it, he opened the book to find the bookmark, marking the latest entry. There were about ten entries, and he read them starting from the first one.
Dear Journal, July 9th, 2012
So I guess this is my first entry in this journal, I just got home from the hospital, apparently I was there for a while, a little over three weeks or something… I don't know how much of this to believe… It's all just so weird. I guess I am supposed to believe it all, but… It seems so surreal. Anyway, Harry seems to be upset. I don't know why… I don't remember anything happening that would upset him. I am okay so it couldn't be me, could it… Although, I don't remember being in the hospital for three weeks either so…
I guess that's it for now…
Niall xo
Dear Journal, July 10th, 2012
The guys are making me write in this damned thing everyday. Whatever. I just read my last entry and, Harry still seems different from the last I remember him. Zayn and Louis don't seem upset, well they do act weird, but that's just them trying to be 'extra sensitive' around me. Its quite annoying. I'm not as fragile as I seem.
Niall x
Dear Journal, July 11th, 2012
Today I met two guys named Liam and Andy. Well, I have met them before, but I don't remember it, even after watching the video Louis recorded… Still nothing of remembrance from that day… Andy is a nice guy, we will be good friends. But Liam… there is something strange about him. I can't put my finger on it. It's not a bad thing though. It's funny, I kind of hope we hang out with them again tomorrow.
Niall xo
Dear Journal, July 12th, 2012
Compared to how I seemed to have felt about this whole thing in my first entry, I find it easy to believe, that… This sadly, is real. I mean, these entries are in my hand writing and I wouldn't lie to myself… Anyway, today I found out that Harry thinks this is his fault. I was talking to him in private when he was telling me, but I assured him it wasn't. While we were talking Louis came in and said he had been listening, he got mad at Harry and started saying things like 'We have been over this!' and stuff…
We went to 'Wet 'n' Wild Hawaii' today with Liam and Andy. They are two guys Louis met on a plane, they are vacationing here. I said in yesterday's entry how there was something weird about Liam, and there still is. For some reason I cant help but want to be around him all the time. And whenever I see him, my stomach feels funny. I get that feeling that I get when I am falling from something…
Anyway I couldn't do much at the park and the guys always had someone stay behind with me when they went on something I couldn't go on.
It was nice.. But I felt like a burden…
Niall x
Dear Journal, July 13th, 2012
These feelings I get around Liam are familiar. I remember feeling them once in my life, when I met this girl, her name was Sarah and she was perfect, in every way possible. Me and her were young and we met at a theme park, but spent the whole day together. I remember I kissed her at the end of the day. But I never seen her again… God, was she beautiful. I must have been at least… twelve or so.
I just don't understand why I am getting these feelings around him. And based of the other entries (unless I wasn't very descriptive), these feelings are getting stronger…
Niall
Dear Journal, July 14th, 2012
I did it again… I remember, when I was younger, and the other kids picked on me… And I was so insecure… I remember going to the bathroom and finding a razor and breaking it open and taking the blade out. I remember that feeling. Better than any feeling I have ever felt in my whole life. It was the best feeling in the world.
I had to… I just felt so stupid and weak and helpless and… Ugh!
I did it right next the old ones. The ones from when I was about fourteen, they are extremely faded, but they are still there.
Niall
Dear Journal, July 15th, 2012
I just don't get it… Why do I have these feelings about a guy? Who I hardly even know. AND WHO IS A GUY!
I have never been gay… Not that can I can remember… This is all just getting crazy.
Niall
Dear Journal, July 16th, 2012
I have decided that if I just avoid Liam at all costs, this will hopefully just blow over.
Niall
Dear Journal, July 17th, 2012
I did it again.
Niall
Niall looked to the corner of the page where there was a small circle of red. It looked as dried blood.
Dear Journal, July 18th, 2012
It's so hard not to feel this way about Liam. I just can't help it… I'm doing it again.
Niall
Niall sat on the side of his bed. Staring at the latest entry.
Who was Liam? He had to know. Now.