Throwing Punches

Paramore

19

…

He was always there for her…and she in return…but she felt as if he was getting the short end of their relationship. They did talk…and grew…but it was always about the stressors in their lives. They hadn't had to chance actually go out together….besides the party.

A date…was what she wanted. She wanted to feel like a real couple. She imagined him in a polo with Vans and her hair in curls as they enjoy the night. And sadly, she felt selfish for wanting this when her mother was in her fragile condition. Days went by and no progress until she felt her grip her hand.

Flashback

To love and hate at the same time may be complicated to some, but to Katie it was easy. It was more than enough…overbearing. To have her mother in that hospital…waiting for her to wake…was more than enough.

Wiping her tears, she began remembering all the calls she had received. People telling her that her mother was strong….and loved them with all their hearts. They said she had reminded them of her. NEVER would she be like her mother.

Never would her children know the feeling of inferiority. Never would she be afraid to show her emotions.

Opening the door, she sat in the chair next to her bed. She was beautiful. Even with the tubes, she looked like sleeping beauty. That gut clenching pain in her chest, was the hate…envy….and love.

"….just wake up. It's been almost a week and you haven't woken up…I think you're mad at me and Maya…and I know you know we are mad at you….Maya has always been able to speak her mind….but I have always been able to speak when it mattered….and now it does…just come back…please because we need you….stop hiding…because I was never able to hide from you." She pleaded desperately.

Katie broke down resting her head on the bed as she felt a small grip. She could hear them.

….

Katie felt their eyes on her as she walked down the halls. They knew…they all knew…about her mother. Gripping her binder to her chest, she was trying to block out all noises she was hearing. All the whispers…her eyes were blood shot…from the crying…to the lack of sleep.

Opening her locker, she smiled seeing the card Julian put inside of it. "Don't shut me out because I always here for you." She breathed slowly holding the card to her heart. She needed to know that.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she smiled knowing it was Julian there…turning around, she frowned.

"Bianca…" She said blandly. "Drew…"

"Look I know…you and me…I just wanted to say I hope your mother is getting better." Drew began.

"Cut the act you two have. You don't have to play games or pretend."

"You know what. You can be so arrogant at times. Me and Drew are trying to do the right thing." Bianca defended them.

"You two get a pat on the back for doing the right thing for once in your lives." Katie rolled her eyes.

"Look what I did to you. What we had…."

"Now who's arrogant? I don't want you Drew. I have Julian and he's the best thing that I have had in my life lately. Get over yourself. It's like you think you have some power over me…and you don't."

"…and you Bianca. The minute you returned in Drew's life…you wanted everything to be about you. You and him both didn't care about my bulimia…or even respect me as a person. You know what. This isn't about me. It's about my mother…and she is laying in a hospital bed and there is nothing I can do about it." Katie cried as Bianca's features softened. But who was she to hug her. Who was Drew to hug her?

"Keep your apologies…because you didn't mean it." Katie walked off as Bianca bit her lip looking at Drew. They did mean it.

….

It was as if the weekend never happened. The moments at the park…party…and hospital didn't exist between them. Somehow…they made it to Thursday without saying a word. How did it happen?

He knew how it happened? He was being too clingy.

Flashback

Jake didn't know why his fingers were tingling. Anxiously, he shoved them in his pockets. Not too many people knew about him…but they all said the same thing. He was too laid back.

It was a gift and a curse. Many people thought he didn't care…and they were right. He was never one to worry or overexert himself about silly things. But when he did care, he cared a lot. Somewhere he found himself caring about Marisol.

He saw her standing at her locker, looking into her mirror as she put on her lip gloss.

Marisol saw him…and she began to shake. She didn't need to be around him. Not now.

"Hey…"

"hey…ummmm…I got to go. I got to…." She tried to rush off but Jake grabbed her wrist.

"Where's the fire?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No….." she looked down. She was beyond scared. Scared that would find herself liking a boy she shouldn't like. Why not stop it before it began. Why did he have to show her attention when she didn't know herself if she was ready? She didn't trust herself…and she found herself mad at herself.

"No….Jake I have to go find Katie….." Jake saw how she couldn't look him in the eyes. She was clutching her binder so tight, he was surprised her knuckles weren't hurting.

"Obviously you are lying…." She rolled her eyes. He was a constant annoyance. Why did he have to be so smug about everything?

"What is with the girls of Degrassi?" He leaned up against her locker.

"Excuse me? You have some nerve." She shut her locker as he grabbed her wrist again.

"No you have some nerve. Despite what people say about you, I decided to see for myself. And I saw I something I had never seen before…."He gently stroked her cheek.

"Jake…you don't know what you saw." She made a mental note of how his hand felt

"your acting childish. What are you scared of?..."

"Just stay away from me…." She walked off.

…

Jenna hadn't felt like playing in a while. She hadn't felt like being seen in a while either…but she had to pick up the pieces of her life. She had to stop blaming everyone else for her mistakes.

She pursued K.C. She flirted with him in Clare's face. She had no shame. All she wanted was another girl's guy…and she got it…TENFOLD. Now she was left alone…her baby gone.

She did have Ali but she wasn't where she wanted to be and needed to be. Music was her medicine.

Strumming the strings, she began to sing: "Mr. Perfect I miss the silly games talking on the phone you're driving me insane…"

That song was inspired by K.C…

Did she want him back? She didn't even know herself. There were always going to be feelings for him. They had a child together…even if it wasn't planned.

Looking up, she saw him standing there…outside of the music room….staring at her. Turning her back, she ignored him.

….

"You shouldn't have come to school today…." Alli handed her a tissue as Maya and Tori walked in holding hands.

"This is too much for the both of you." Marisol reinforced as the niners sat down. "I can take on for Battle of the Brawn."

"No I need school." Katie said. "…I just need to be here...to keep my mind together for a few hours. Seeing her there…I know she is ok…she will recover…but I don't know what to expect when she begins talking."

"It doesn't matter how she will react. But seeing you there with her…at least shows that you care." Alli said as Clare walked inside the room.

"You don't know our mom." Maya said.

"Umm…Katie….I'm so sorry…." Clare said timidly Katie nodded. As if there wasn't enough tension in the room.

"ummmm…I usually don't ask for help…but can you…..take over the….newspaper for a little bit?" Katie couldn't believe she was asking this question to Clare of all people. She had the drive but was so overbearing. Nevertheless, she was highly qualified.

"….yeah…." Clare said. "…and I am sorry about your mother again."

….

"You guys been training….because I am ready to woop both of you." Owen flexed.

"If I had a dollar for every time you said that." Julian said opening his gym locker, pulling out his phone texting Katie. He knew she needed space, but he also wanted her to know he was there for her….Always. Looking at his phone, he stared at a picture he took without her knowing. He smiled to himself.

"I'm sorry about your girl's mom…." Owen said as Drew put on his shirt. He was going to tell Julian about her this morning…but kept it to himself. It wasn't about him…for once.

"If you need anything….we're here." Drew stated. "Seriously…."

…..

"Nice to see this." Eli said seeing Imogen and Fiona smiling brightly at each other. There had been a spark between them for a while…like him and Clare…still after manic behavior. Looking at the two girls hold hands…he looked up smiling, seeing Clare.

"Yeah…." Fiona said shyly as they sat down on the hallway bench.

"You're sad blue eyes." Eli teased as Clare sat down resting her head on her shoulder.

"I am the temporary editor of the Grapevine." She said with sadness.

"I thought that was what you wanted?" Imogen asked.

"It is…I didn't want to get it this way though…with Katie going through so much." She stated as Eli kissed her forehead.

To his displeasure he saw Jake in the hallway. The two use to be on common ground, now they were probably back to rival enemies.

"….umm Clare…Eli." Jake stated as Fiona and Imogen left.

"…."

"I'm not usually good at serious conversation but this needs to be said." Jake sat down beside them.

"Go on." Eli said sitting up.

"We will be seeing each other every day through these halls…and there are no hard feelings."

"Truce." Eli extended his hand. Clare smiled seeing that Eli was handling the situation in sane manner.

"See you tonight Clare." Jake walked off to next class.

"That was not like him to do that…." Clare stated.

"I respect him though." Eli said as they kissed.

…..

"Jenna….." K.C. walked up to her in the music room.

"I'm ignoring you…." Jenna said playing rudely.

"You might not want to listen to this…but I want you….this…."

"yeah without Tyson….you know what…when life gets hard…you run...you ran from me….and Tyson….now suffer the consequences."

"I wanted to keep Tyson….." K.C. said aggressively.

"yeah….only after I found out about Marisol. Now you are throwing it back up in my face like you are worthy….you are his father…..doesn't matter if he is adopted…you should have wanted him the minute he came into this world…."

"…"

"You only took the job to escape us….you don't know what you want…you never did.."

"I didn't lie when I said I love you…."

"There are different types of love…that wasn't unconditional love." Jena stopped playing walking out of the room.

…

"Julian…thanks again for looking after Katie." Marisol hugged him.

"yeah….she's not pushing me back…she's letting me in…she never ceases to amaze me. I've never met anyone so strong before."

"She really likes you too. When you two are together. I can see how much you care for each other." He only smiled.

The two didn't see Jake walk in the gym. Jake saw them though…and he was jealous. He knew Marisol wasn't into Julian like that, but he was near her. And he was driving himself insane asking himself why he liked her after one good conversation…

It was something about her eyes…and let's not forget her body in a bikini. But they had one thing in common. They had been hurt in relationships and were scared…but had formed an unspoken friendship.

"Jake…." Marisol said with fear.

"Hey…" He rubbed the aback of his head. Julian saw the look in their eyes. They forgot where they both were and didn't want to be the third wheel.

"….you going to pretend you have another class to go to." He asked not seeing Julian walk off.

"…"

"So the gossip queen has nothing to say." rolled his eyes.

"You're right I don't. Why are you so freakin persistent?" Marisol rushed off.

….

What's with the weird face?" Katie asked as Julian sat beside her in the Zen Garden. He had never known a girl to make a ponytail and sneakers sexy.

"Marisol and Jake….." Katie rolled her eyes admiring his arms.

"ummm…close your eyes." She pulled out her chicken spaghetti and fork.

"Open wide." She smiled as she fed him.

"This is good." He smiled.

"I just wanted us to have some alone time where we can just forget about everything for at least 45 minutes." She replayed his words the day he came to her rescue.

"You know what I want to do?" Julian scooted closer to her, pulling her ponytail down.

"….What?" she asked nervously as he wrapped his arms around her waist…touching their lips together. Smiling into the kiss, he gently slipped his tongue inside her mouth. Pulling back, they two smiled.

"I really like kissing you." Katie said.

"Me too." He pulled her back in.

They were so deep in their kiss. They didn't see Drew walk pass them. He only smiled.

…

Maya found herself here….without Katie. Even with the machines beeping…all she heard was silence. Seeing her mother lay there…eyes closed…she touched her face….crying…her tears streamed down her face. Clutching her mother's hand, she felt her grip.

Opening her eyes, she said nothing…but the tears were enough. Sometimes silence was the best noise.

"Mom…."Maya wept.

"I am so sorry."