Heartbeat

The Fray

Chapter 20

…..

Maya wasn't imagining it. Her mother's eyes were open and alert…and they bore into hers. She knew what her mother was saying to her and she didn't want to hear it. She knew it was her fault. They all knew…at first she couldn't stop beating herself up.

She would not tell Katie what nightmares haunted her. But seeing her mother's emotionless face…made her mad. Made her relive all the emotions she felt at that moment. The blackness in her eyes told Maya that she would never be able to live this down…

"…Maya…" Her mother lightly whistpered. Her throat was dry.

"….I'm not Katie mom. I'm not going to listen to you humiliate me…Even after seeing me here, you still have mean things to say. You need to change…but if you don't. No one will be around you. Why do you think Dad stays away from you?" The blonde walked out the room calling her sister.

…..

"Are you stalking me now? Am I going to have to get Dave's dad." She said to Jake as he stood by her car.

"This coming from someone who keeps running…afraid of something."

"I'm not afraid of anything.

"You're acting childish. What are you scared of? I'm just trying to be your friend"

"You call me childish. You are the one who keeps following me…all because I don't want to be your friend….who cares."

"Apparently you…as much as you are trying to convince yourself otherwise." He walked off.

…

"You had no right telling Mom that." Katie scolded her in the lobby. "How did you get here…"

"I walked."

"She had to know…dad is not here. She is pushing everyone away from her…stop making excuses for her."

"I'm not…but someone has to be in the medium."

"You're the medium and I am the truthful one…and I may have been out of line for saying that. But it had to be said."

"but…."

"Do you think I want this? I wish every day I had a mother like all my friends…who they could share things with. But I don't. And I hate how you think I look to jump on mom…but if I don't stand up to her…you won't. And it's not in your nature to stand up to mom. At school you are fearless and flawless. But with mom…you let her have the power…and I hate seeing it."

….

"K.C. she doesn't want to talk to you ok…" Alli rolled her eyes as she cracked the door open.

"Alli mind your business."

"Excuse me it became my business when she moved in with me."

"Wanna get smacked across the face again." Alli challenged folding her arms.

"Look…I just need to talk to her." Jenna came down the stairs slowly after hearing his voice. She didn't want to see him, but she had to see him. She had to face him. He had to hear how he hurt her. She had to get it off her chest.

"Again….the answer is and will always be….." Alli scoffed.

"…Let him in." Jenna said calmly.

"….." K.C. was shocked seeing her stand at the door. He tried to grab her hand but she pulled it back.

"I just want to say…"

"No let me talk because I need to say this. After Tyson left, I have been running. Running away from everything…and I need to face it head on.

"K.C. It's not about me keeping you out. It's not even about me and you. It's about Tyson. How you just forgot about him.

"You don't know what I feel. I think about him…every day…every second. EVERY minute. He is my son…and I took him away from us." K.C. said. I wanted him and then I didn't. I didn't want the obligation…and I got my wish…now I wish I hadn't. "

"…" Jenna didn't know he felt all of this. "It just hurt when he left us. You wanted us to pick up where we left off before he came. That's not right. And I'm not going to do that. That's why I can't be in the same room as you….and I don't know what I want…but I need space…and you owe me just that." Jenna said as she watched her words process in his mind.

"For once…do something for someone else."

…

"Saw you outside…with Jake. You two looked pretty intense." Dave said as he reviewed the notes for the Battle Of The Brawn. Marisol hadn't seen him in the office for so long that she forgot that he was still on student council.

"For what it's worth. You should get to know him."

"Are you saying that because you're scared Jake will go after Alli."

"No I'm saying that because he's cool."

"People can say what they about me and alli's relationship. But it's our business. Yes we do stupid things that hurt each other…but we have too much chemistry and history to be overlooked."

"It's different Dave."

"How? Stop listening to what people say about you. They don't matter and it's making you insecure. You can't stop talk. Is that what's stopping you?"

"No…me myself."

…..

"You know we have to face her right?" Katie said as they held hands.

"Katie…I don't want to. I don't think that I can." Maya rested her head on her sister's shoulder.

"Yes you can….because you are my strength…." Maya could only smile after her sister statement.

"You know. A big sister is supposed to look after her little sister…."

"And you do…."

"But you have done the same for me…and I need you here." They walked inside.

….

As much as K.C. didn't want to hear those words. She was right. He did owe her space. No matter how he felt for her because he forced her into an unbelievable situation.

He felt like he was giving up Tyson again. He was letting go apart of himself…that he didn't know he would get back. And just like Tyson…if Jenna wanted nothing to do with him ever again, he did it to himself.

"If space is what you need, I will give it to you…you and Tyson….but I won't give up on you two." He kissed her forehead leaving walking out the door.

"You ok Jenna." Alli walked down the steps to her best friend as she broke down in her arms.

"Why didn't he want us when it mattered?" She said between sobs.

…..

"The doctor said you will be out of here in about another week." Katie said curtly as she watched her mother sit up slowly.

"Let me help." Maya made effort putting her arm around her mother's shoulder for support.

"…..Thank….you." She said hoarsely.

"Here is some water." Katie poured her a glass. "Don't strain yourself."

"No…I….have to say this." Her mother used her strength to talk.

"Then write it down." Katie handed her a notebook. The two prepared themselves for the worst. She was disappointed in them…but her words would not make her go back to that dark place where she was. She would not throw up or give up Julian. She couldn't give up Julian.

He meant so much to her already.

…

"Ready for the big competition son?" His grandpa asked as they cleared the completion. "By the way, when is Katie coming over again?"

"She's going through a rough time right now. Her mom had a car accident."

"O…I am sorry to hear that. I'll keep her in my prayers." He said as he picked up the photo album. "You know it is times like these in your life where I wish Macey was here. She always understood you in I didn't but none the less…I still love you."

"Old man don't get soft on me." He tried to brush off the sentimental moment.

"I know she is the reason why you fight….she loved it so much…and I have not a clue." He turned the page smiling at the beautiful dark woman in her younger day.

"Yeah…I miss her…but I'm glad I got you too."

…..

Why do you always run into the one person you don't want to see…but unfortunately…need to see? She needed to see Jake…..talk to him, but after her earlier actions…he most likely wanted to stay away from her.

That was what she wanted. She remembered herself telling him this many times. He needed to stay away from her before she did something to hurt him.

Did everyone come to the Dot at the same time? The better question was why did they have to show up at the same time. Seeing her at the counter, he was lost for words. He never had too much to say but he could always back it up with some smart remark.

Trying to not recognize his cologne, she continued her order. Turning her head, she made eye contact but said nothing.

"Marisol speechless twice in a row." He said sarcastically.

"Jake Martin…you never cease to amaze me with your sarcasm."

"And you never cease to amaze me with your….your….you know what….forget it…" He began to walk away forgetting how loud his stomach was growling.

"No wait….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause an argument." She grabbed his wrist. "I just….you just got to stay away from me."

"But I don't want to…and you don't want to either…."They continued to look into each other's eyes.

"ummm guys…your orders are done." The server said as the two continue to be in their own world.

….

I wasn't mad at you Maya. I was angry and furious at myself….that I had taken my obsessions too far…and I knew this and I….didn't care because I was trying to fill the void in my heart about your father...but the problem is not you both. It is me…it has always….been me and I am sorry for that." Katie cried looking at her mother who cried too.

"Katie…Maya…" Her voice still hoarse. "You two are best things to ever happen to me. You two are both strong in so many ways. And put you through so many things…especially you Katie."

"Mom…don't talk. You've said enough we can finish this conversation another time. Please just rest. Knowing this is enough."

"But…." Her mother begged.

"No mom. We have always done what you said. Now it is time you listen to me." Katie commanded as her mother slept.

…..

"I must say The Dot can make a good sandwich." Marisol said as she took a bite. Jake couldn't just let her walk away after the way they looked at each other like that.

"yeah they can." She agreed as he brought a soda back from the refrigerator.

"…." He smiled at how cute she ate.

"…."

"Let me speak first." They both said at the same time blushing.

"No let me." Jake said. "I'm not one who does a lot of talking and I know I can annoy you with my sarcasm but I am serious now…I hope you didn't think I was too clingy. It's just you were the first person since I got here…that I made a true connection with. I hadn't had that in a long time. Even with Clare it was never like that." He saw her stare down at the wood floor.

"I…felt it too. And it scared me how quickly it happened." She said.

"You are way too hard on yourself Marisol." He said.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are because you are punishing yourself to no end…about Katie…about who you use to be."

"But you don't know how I…"

"It doesn't matter…I know how you care about people in your life. That means you're good."

"So you still want to be my friend?"

"Marisol I want…yes." He kept feelings hidden for now. He was content with his friendship with her for now…because he could get to know her. He smiled seeing her laugh at the commercial. He hoped he could keep her laughing.

….

"Ok guys…remember next week. No illegal fighting. Let's not get too caught up in the competition. This is for charity…not for a trophy." Coach Armstrong chuckled.

"Drew…." Owen coughed under his breath as Mo and the other chuckled.

"No seriously guys. We need to give everyone a good show…"

"For newspaper girl?" Owen asked.

"Yeah…and" Julian said.

…

Katie walked inside the house with Maya behind her. Turning on the light, she breathed slowly. It was a different feeling settling on them. The weight was finally being lifted and they could relax and not be suffocated by the mental abuse and the frustration.

Her mother's words meant the world to Katie. She did love her and she was important. Pouring orange juice in a glass. She cried in relief. It was finally over. She didn't have to be perfect…all she had to be was Katie.

….

Mrs. Matlin laid there…in her uncomfortable hospital bed, looking at the ceiling…waiting for sleep to catch up with her. But it was no use, because too much was on her mind…and her heart.

She was trying to tell her daughter that she knew. She knew what was happening in her home…and she chose to ignore it…because no one helped her. No one saved her from her bulimia. How can you help others when you can't help herself.

Every day, minute, hour, second she saw her Katie break little by little…but she nothing of it. She was being selfish…and continuing the cycle of endless torture.

But Katie persevered. She always did. She was stronger than her mother. Both of her daughters were. Maya was so assertive and outgoing. The two sisters loved each other…and for that she was jealous…because she could never have that relationship with her daughters.

The more she found herself wanting to breakdown. She convinced herself she too was being weak. And that was when she unleashed her wrath on them. It made her cry seeing her daughters afraid of her to wake up. Unbeknownst to them, they saved her life.