This chapter is edited and betad! All mistakes are mine.

Beta: TeapotInATempest. Thank you so much!

Since I am absolutely no expert on relationship counseling I just wrote what came to my mind; what questions the counselor would probably ask and how our detectives might react to their first session.

Please read and review!

Chapter five

In the waiting room to attend their first counseling session that week, John was looking out of the window, bad- tempered.

As if the upcoming session were not bad enough, he had woken this morning with Sherlock in his arms. Evidently the consulting detective was very possessive in his sleep, too. At first John didn't realize where he was, because something was different. There had been a different scent around him and considerable warmth. Slowly the events of the day before had come back to his mind and his eyes flew open. He had found himself wrapped in Sherlock's arms, and with one of his friend's legs around his body. The detective had been fast asleep, which was a rather rare sight. Sherlock was kind of…..cute when he was sleeping. Vulnerable and innocent. A sight which was meant for John only, and only on the very rare occasions when the detective fell asleep on the couch. Without pulling a blanket over himself of course; another thing John found himself doing.

However, Sherlock had not fallen asleep on the couch that night, but in John's bedroom - which apparently had become their bedroom now. To make things worse, John obviously had responded to Sherlock's attentions and flung his own arms around him, contributing to the rather entangled position he had found himself in. Not that it had been a particularly unpleasant sensation to feel someone's body close to his own again, in general. But the someone had been Sherlock and that was weird. Or rather, unfamiliar. While Sherlock had absolutely no sense of personal space or boundaries, or at least he was not interested in them, he seemed to avoid close physical contact most of the time. Although John had to confess that the boundaries between them had become rather vague lately.

Sherlock had simply chosen to ignore John's confusion when he had woken up, due to John's efforts to free himself from Sherlock's grip. He had just looked at John, then at his watch, and then simply got up to take a shower. How a man could be so oblivious was beyond John. Therefore John greeted him with a simple 'EAT!' when he came to the kitchen for breakfast. John could tell that Sherlock was struggling with himself. John had been ready to start an argument with his friend about his eating habits and the promise he had given John. Surprisingly, instead of saying anything Sherlock sat down and ate what John had prepared for him.

"Mr. Holmes, Mr. Watson?" the little, blonde receptionist addressed them. "Dr. Stevens is ready to see you now."

John followed Sherlock silently, still trying to ignore him. When they entered the consulting room, Dr. Stevens greeted them with a disarming smile. She was about John's age, with long brown hair and friendly features. Not exactly his type, but she was a very pleasant person to talk with. Sherlock had probably already deduced her life story.

"So why are you here today? How can I help you?" she started after chatting about the weather and their journey.

John was relieved that Sherlock hadn't insulted her within five minutes, because Sherlock hated small talk. They took seats facing one another, leaving Dr. Stevens to take the seat between them.

"We recently got engaged," John managed to say. Well that was certainly a problem but not an accidental one. At least on Sherlock's part. They had absolutely no problem at all, she could possibly help them with.

"Well, that is wonderful."

"Yes, isn't it", Sherlock cut her short. "We hope you will be able to help us bring our relationship to a new level."

Engagement certainly was a new level.

"To a new level?" she asked, interested, taking her pen to make notes.

"Sherlock is not the romantic type. It's difficult for him to show his emotions… at all." John started to name the only problem he could think of that would not make the therapist think they were mental. He tried to smile convincingly, not to think of body parts in the fridge, kidnapping brothers, or chemical experiments on the kitchen table. A short glance at Sherlock told John that he wasn't too happy with the subject John had chosen.

"John has a problem with public display of affections." Sherlock earned himself a death glare from John, which he ignored in return.

"Am I right in believing that you want me to help you to explore your feelings towards each other and to be able to show your affections privately or publicly more easily?" Dr. Stevens tried to summarize their concerns in her own words.

No, not at all. Thank you very much. There was absolutely nothing that needed to be explored, John thought silently sighing.

"Yes," both men were able to produce through gritted teeth.

"Good. Acknowledgement of the problem is always the first step toward solving it." Dr. Stevens smiled reassuringly towards both of them. "I will be asking you many questions to understand your lives and relationship as well as I can. In counseling, we will try to identify and break free of the destructive emotional cycles that you fell into in order to build trust and strengthen your connection to one other."

"Agreed," Sherlock answered a little too quickly for John's taste.

"John, please tell me how you met," Dr. Stevens addressed him expectantly. She had an open and encouraging air.

Why did it always have to be him first? Of course John knew he was much more approachable than Sherlock. "A mutual friend introduced us. We were both looking for a flat mate."

"How was that first meeting? Love at first sight or did it take time to develop your feelings towards Sherlock?" She smiled at him patiently because John didn't answer at once.

Sherlock watched him silently, apparently amused by the question and interested in the answer John would come up with.

Again there was too much subtext around Sherlock that screamed "punch me." John decided to leave it for what it was and ignore his friend again. "It definitely took time. I mean he was….well….interesting. I didn't fall in love with him, but he certainly caught my attention. My interest in him gradually deepened and increased." Well, he was arrogant and charming at the same time and I was absolutely convinced that he was a madman. Now, I know for sure he is.

"And how was it for you, Sherlock?" The therapist gave him a winning smile. She obviously knew it would take time for him to open up. Secretly, John wished her luck. Soon she would probably need her own therapist.

"He was different from the others. I believe he had his doubts about me, but he didn't draw back. There was a connection from the beginning, but no, there was no love at first sight." Sherlock appeared to remain calm, detached, unmoved.

"The connection was there immediately, that's true. But it took time to get to where we are now. We were flat mates first. Flat mates developed into colleagues, colleagues into friends, friends into best friends, and best friends into….." Fiancés. We missed a step somewhere along the line.

"Lovers." Sherlock helped and looked at John intensely. John had seldom seen him more determined. Last time was on the rooftop of St. Bart's and John didn't want to think about it.

"Apparently." John smiled weakly. He would go wherever Sherlock led him. It was obvious that this whole case was important to him. His anger slowly evaporated.

"Well, when did your problem manifest itself? You became a couple after all."

"It has always been a problem. But it is becoming a bigger issue, now our relationship has developed." Sherlock continued quickly. "We will not break up, Dr. Stevens. Never. We have to find a way to conquer this or it will destroy us."

Where did that come from? John looked, surprised, at the detective whose face still gave nothing away.

"I understand. How did you become lovers?"

Yes, Sherlock, how on earth did we become lovers? Was that the right word after all? John's thoughts darted back to the events of the morning. Why did it feel so right when it should have felt so wrong?

"Just like John said. It developed so gradually, I really couldn't tell you when exactly. Although it wasn't love at first sight, it started there and then," Sherlock pointed out.

"John?"

Slowly Dr. Stevens voice reached John's subconscious. "Sorry?" John asked confused. He had been somewhat distracted. The memories of that morning were unsettling him.

"Sherlock just explained how your love developed gradually."

"Oh, yes. It just happened. We never could convince anyone that we weren't a couple. Everybody else knew, when we didn't," John agreed. Great, not paying attention during the therapy session wasn't the best indication of wanting to save a relationship.

"We never really needed to talk about it. I mean we have arguments, of course. There never was much of a traditional romance. But now it is slowly tearing us apart", Sherlock continued his version of their "problem".

Having problems talking about their feelings as well as showing them - John saw Dr. Stevens writing it down. She was a smart counselor after all.

"There must have been an occasion? Something that created intimacy?" She looked at both of them, trying to create some more interaction between the men.

John looked at Sherlock, who watched him with an interested air. Sherlock really had handsome features, John had to admit. He liked the calm grey-blue eyes, burning with the fire of investigation. They just remained like that for a couple of minutes silently.

"The pool might have been a turning point", John offered.

"Possibly. Made me think", Sherlock went along with it. About what the incident made him think, he remained silent.

"The pool?" Dr. Stevens looked at them questioningly.

"He discovered he had a heart, after all," John explained.

"I actually ripped his clothes off," Sherlock stated matter-of-factly. The intimacy that had built up vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.

"Why don't you put it up on the noticeboard?" John replied angrily. It was bad enough that everyone believed he was making love with Sherlock, he certainly didn't want to invent sexual adventures in darkened swimming pools and talk about it.

"No one saw us," Sherlock defended himself, watching John innocently.

"That's not the point." John frowned at him disapprovingly. He knew that Sherlock was doing this on purpose, but the purpose remained unclear for the moment.

"You always think about what people might think, what people might say, what people might do." Sherlock was sulking.

"One of us has to," John reminded him.

"People do little else, John. It's not important." His voice was louder than usual. He seemed to be genuinely upset.

The therapist decided it was time to intervene. "Well, I'd like to talk about that later on in the counseling process again. For now I conclude that you have been involved in events at a pool which led to intimacy between you. It is apparent that there is uncertainty on both sides on how to express this intimacy. Let's move on to your motivations in starting this relationship. Why did you fall for Sherlock, John? What makes him special?"

"He is a brilliant man. The energy he puts into his work until he achieves his goals is very impressive. Quite extraordinary. He can be very charming if he wants to, you know." John still glared disapprovingly at Sherlock, who simply rolled his eyes.

"Your work is an important factor in this relationship," Dr. Stevens stated simply.

"Yes, but work has changed. London has become a singularly uninteresting city since Jim's departure," Sherlock said, making a face.

"Are you actually missing the maniac? I don't think you will find many decent citizens who agree with you." John looked at Sherlock in disbelief, slightly shocked.

"Missing is not the right word, John." Sherlock sighed dramatically. Probably just to annoy John. "Well, I must not be selfish. The community is certainly the gainer and no one the loser, except for the poor out-of-work specialist, whose occupation has gone. With that man in the field every day presented infinite possibilities. But now….." He shrugged his shoulders in humorous depreciation of the situation which he had himself done so much to produce.

"Who is Jim?" the therapist inquired, confused.

"A colleague," Sherlock explained nonchalantly, looking out of the window with a grimace of misery.

"A lunatic." John was furious by now. How could he talk of him like that when he caused them so much pain? Almost sentimentally. Although he always claimed to hate sentiment.

"He was my hated rival," Sherlock explained.

"No, you didn't hate each other. That's the disturbing bit about it." John kept staring at him and found Sherlock staring back. Tension built up again. This time different than before.

"What are you implying? That I was in love with him?" Sherlock's melancholy seemed to have gone. He was angry now.

Sulking moods and anger were probably not the best combination for Sherlock, but John didn't care. John was hurt. "You were obsessed with each other."

"Well, there are not many men like him out there, no," Sherlock replied, looking defiantly at John.

"Thank God, there are not. And you have no reason to complain whatsoever. Business is booming," John cried.

Sherlock watched John intently. "I had at last met an antagonist who was my intellectual equal, John. We conducted the most brilliant bit of thrust-and-parry work in the history of detection. Never have I risen to such a height and never have I been so hard pressed by an opponent. You have no idea what that's like, to meet with someone who never bores you."

"I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself, at least," John sneered. Oh, how he hated this argument.

"What happened?" Dr. Stevens intervened before they could start a major argument.

"He cheated on me and left me alone." John knew there was an accusing tone in this but he couldn't help it.

"You married the moment I was gone", Sherlock replied curtly. That was an accusation, too.

"Excuse me? I thought you were dead, Sherlock. DEAD!" John yelled.

"And because you believe me to be dead you have to marry someone else immediately? You are supposed to mourn for some time," Sherlock returned with some asperity in his voice.

"I tried to stay sane, you bloody idiot. You broke my heart. Just because you divorced yourself from your own feelings doesn't mean you can hurt me like that!" There it was. He had said it. You broke my heart. And it was true. But also….a bit not good. Especially not as an answer to 'marry someone else'.

"You broke up with each other and Sherlock seemed to be dead?" Apparently she had gotten lost in their story.

John couldn't blame her. He got lost in it a long time ago.

"Misunderstanding," Sherlock answered quietly. He seemed to have forgotten her presence for a moment. It was not until then that he took his eyes off John.

"You had feelings for Jim?" Dr. Stevens tried to regain their attention.

"I had to sort things out with him. We had something special. I got lost in my admiration of his skill. However, in the end he was not my sort," Sherlock replied. He was his masterful self again.

"What role does Jim play in your life today? You said he departed," she asked.

"He is not important. Not anymore." Sherlock's eyes lingered on John once more, his face unreadable again.

"You don't want to talk about him," Dr. Stevens remarked.

"He's dead," he said matter-of-factly to her. "I don't miss him, I just miss the challenge."

"Oh, I see. Well, you and John got back together." She probably already believed that to be a miracle.

"John forgave the unforgivable." Suddenly Sherlock looked vulnerable again.

From time to time John had to remind himself that it had been a difficult time for him, too, and what he went through to protect him.

"The misunderstandings were resolved?" she inquired.

"I was angry and hurt. But after a while I realized I still had feelings for Sherlock. I knew I had to let go if we wanted to move forward again," John said slowly and then turned towards Sherlock. "Now I have forgiven you completely." John emphasized the last bit. "Forgiving just does not mean that one forgets about it. Sometimes it still does hurt."

Sherlock remained silent, but gave John a nod.

"What do you like about John, Sherlock?" Maybe she thought it was better to lead their attention towards another subject.

"He is not boring. He is not ordinary like other people. John is a practical man, a man of action. With him, there's no need for continuous conversation. There is a quiet calmness when he is around."

John knew Dr. Stevens would dig deeper into the topic in the following sessions because of their reticence, and cursed her silently for it.

"Tell me about your morning rituals," she told John.

"We have none." John declared quickly. Heaven forbid!

Dr. Stevens took a close look at John. "No cuddling in the morning? No having breakfast together?"

"None. I mean that depends on Sherlock's …work planning." Mood was also an important variable, John thought. "He is a very busy man. He has a very unpredictable schedule. Most of the time he gets up much earlier and very often he is already gone when I wake up." Since they just started cuddling the very same morning very unconsciously, John thought one couldn't count that one as a ritual. And more important, was that going to become a ritual or not?

"You said you were colleagues?" she asked further.

"I'm working part time at a surgery and I'm working part time with him. Sherlock works as a freelance consultant. Some days we work together all day long and sometimes we do not see each other for days. It really is very unpredictable," John replied. That sounded lame and awful. Like a couple that really needed therapy, while in reality their life was great. Nerve-wracking sometimes, but great.

John watched Sherlock carefully. The detective was obviously bored with the therapy session. His fingers tapped nervously on the armchair. It obviously took all his will to not deduce her out loud. John knew him too well. When he was bored he easily forgot his good manners.

"No rituals at all?" Dr. Stevens added, scribbling remarks in her book. She didn't bother to look up.

"He sends me texts." What kind of ritual was that? John though with exhaustion. Well, at least, it was true. Sherlock always texted John whether it was appropriate or not. Like when John was in his bedroom and Sherlock was downstairs.

"Love messages?" she asked.

John shook his head. "No. Just things that come to his mind. Things he wants to discuss, things he wants me to know, things he wants me to do. Feelings are more like….subtext."

"Subtext?"

John started to feel sorry for her.

"He is a difficult man," John offered. "I don't know. He seems to think feelings are some kind of weakness, something that could affect his brilliant mind in a negative way."

"Honestly, John. Why would one to talk about it all the time? I made myself clear once. If my attitude towards you changed, I'd just tell you. Have you ever been in love, Dr. Stevens? It's terrible. Someone gets into your heart and messes up everything. I never let my heart rule my head," Sherlock exclaimed.

"To you it's only a dangerous disadvantage, Sherlock. But love also is a choice. A conscious and rational decision you make, to commit to and to care for someone more than you do for yourself. You can let your heart negotiate with your head without letting one rule the other," John explained in a soft voice.

Couple is afraid of commitment. John was glad he still could read upside down. He liked the idea of having as much information from the therapist's side as possible. He didn't want to be confronted with surprises in counseling.

"What does this mean to you, John?" Dr. Stevens addressed him.

"I wish he would let me in." John knew that Sherlock trusted him more than anyone else and that he was the person closest to him. However, he was also well aware that there always remained a gap between them. Sherlock barely ever let down his defenses. Occasionally, he caught a glimpse of the great heart as well as the great mind. John met Sherlock's gaze, not able to read the thoughts behind his emotionless mask. Sherlock's eyes rested calmly on him, probably deducing John.

The therapist stopped pressing. They were not yet ready to speak about their feelings. By this time, she must be convinced they were mental. Maybe John should have chosen the body parts as a subject after all.

"Your work seems to be the center of the relationship. But it is not enough to keep you together. You will need love for this. Speaking about your love for each other is a first step, but you have to start showing this love too." The mediator started talking about how the next step would be a contract to follow rules for interacting with one another.

"I suggest on planning on approximately 20 sessions. We also have a clinic outside of London where you can take part in marriage education workshops. Please make your appointments with my secretary. I'd like to start with you this week if that is possible with your working schedules?"

"No problem at all. We are at your disposal", Sherlock managed sweetly.

"I would like each of you to keep a journal, detailing things that happen between sessions that you want to continue to happen. Besides that, I would like each of you to express your appreciation five times a day. We're going to implement this as a routine throughout the day. Like saying 'I love you' at the end of every session, when you wake up and when you go to bed. "

"Oh, dear," John sighed, becoming tired.

"We really need to sort this out, John. I am desperate." Sherlock dramatically took his hand. John needed to focus on not starting to laugh. Not because it was funny but because it made him nervous.

"Not as desperate as I am, I assure you", John managed to answer seriously. He was really desperate to end this playacting and to return to being …whatever they were.

"I love you, John," Sherlock told him with a serious face.

"I love you, too," John replied, silently sighing.

Dr. Stevens looked relieved about having taken the first steps when she led them out of the room.

"Well, that was tedious. As if someone saves the world or ends a war by saying 'I love you' and starting over," Sherlock complained when they left the building.

"Sometimes one does." John replied softly. "By the way, don't you think you let it sound a bit too dramatic? It will destroy us? Really?"

"We needed a problem. You created one. I just went along. Now we have a cover," Sherlock remarked.

John raised his eyebrows. "I created a problem, Sherlock? You have that problem, remember?"

"You have that problem, too," Sherlock parried smirking.

"What should I have said then? We normally show our affection by shooting our enemies or tricking them into committing suicide? You know that we will have to make a good story now. We will see her on Friday and you better have made up our love story by then."

"You fell for me. Being all mysterious with my cheekbones and turning my coat collar up, so I look cool. End of story." Sherlock turned to him whispering. He had relapsed into the half-humorous, half-cynical vein which was his habitual attitude towards the people close to him. Nothing remained of the close intimacy and emotions they had just experienced.

"Madman," John said.

"You adore me," Sherlock stated smugly.

"Arrogant prat."

"Although I'd love to discuss this any further, I better dash off. Lestrade arranged a call on David Jones. I'll be late tonight. Don't wait up for me." With that Sherlock kissed John on the cheek and hailed a cab, leaving John once more to his thoughts.