This chapter is edited and betad! Beta: TeapotInATempest. Thank you so much.
I used a case study from marriage counseling . It seemed to fit as a setting for their session. Please read and review. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated. If you have any ideas how things should develop from now on, please let me know. I am very curious about it. Thank you again for your sweet support.
Chapter seven
"I'm off to Tesco. We're out of milk. Need anything else?" Sherlock asked John, poking his head through the kitchen door.
"You? Off to Tesco?", John replied surprised and added, " Out of milk again?"
"Had an experiment going on."
"I don't want to know about it. Get some coffee, will you?" John asked while he took the coffee box out of the cupboard. When he opened it, he found a note. "I love you" was written neatly on it, in Sherlock's handwriting. What the hell….
"Sure." Sherlock was already on his way out.
"Ah, Sherlock. I need to talk to you."
That was unmistakably Mycroft's voice. John couldn't believe his bad luck.
"I'll be back in a bit, dear brother. John's home. Make yourself comfortable."
John could hear the forced niceness in Sherlock's voice; he obviously was still pissed off about Mycroft's reaction to the engagement.
"Morning, John." By the time Mycroft entered the living room, John had yet found another note, saying "I love you."
"Morning, Mycroft. Coffee?" John forced a smile.
"Yes, thank you. Already gotten used to this new domesticity?" Mycroft was smiling broadly. He apparently was enjoying himself immensely.
"With Sherlock around?" John laughed dryly, smiling genuinely this time. "You know your brother."
"How is he doing?" Mycroft inquired.
John took another cup out of the cupboard, where he found a third note. "Well, he decided to send me notes today, apparently," John answered sighing, holding the three notes in his hand. "Declarations of his love obviously. He probably watched crap telly or read something about it. He's a bit overdoing it actually. Not his usual self."
Mycroft was still smiling. "By the way, what happened to the flat, John?" he asked, making a wide gesture with his hand.
"Mrs. Hudson thought it would be a good idea to decorate the flat to celebrate…well…the engagement."
"Ah, that's very nice of her. I'm sure she meant well," Mycroft replied diplomatically.
John had no trouble imagining that for Mycroft the whole affair must be like Christmas and his birthday rolled into one.
"Yeah, I'm sure she did. It is not really our style, however…" John answered and left for the kitchen. He returned with freshly brewed coffee some moments later.
"Let me clean the table first. One never knows if Sherlock had an experiment going on this morning or not." While cleaning the surface he reached under it to catch the newspapers. In Baker Street papers could be found absolutely everywhere. Sherlock had the awful habit of accumulating papers and then, when he had finished them, tossing them somewhere. In this case, he had kept them for future reference under the coffee table. Under the table he found another note, and sighed. Mycroft chuckled.
John went back to the kitchen, taking his phone out to send a text.
Under the table. Honestly? J
"You obviously bring out the very best in him," Mycroft teased him, yelling in direction of the kitchen. "Surely he must have declared himself before. You're engaged."
You found it. Good, John! I'm impressed. S
"You know your brother. He's not the romantic type. He shows his feelings by buying the milk twice a year to apologize. Feelings are usually subtext," John told Mycroft, when he came back to the living room. "But he hasn't done anything very bad recently. So there's no need to apologize to me. Yet he is out, buying the milk. And sending me declarations. Probably he's up to some experiment I will not like very much and he's apologizing even before he's done anything," John continued, more to himself than to Mycroft.
"You understand him very well. Sounds like him," Mycroft grimaced, obviously thinking about some of his own experiences with his brother.
John thought it had to do something with the case at hand. But then with Sherlock no one could ever be sure.
Are you planning on an experiment and apologizing even before you conduct it? J
Why am I texting you anyway when your brother is here? J
John got the milk and the sugar pot, in which he found another of Sherlock's declarations. He sighed aloud. Mycroft barely could stifle his laughter.
No. I'm not. No idea why you are. ;-) By the way which coffee brand do we use? There are too many choices. S
"He just sent me a smiley. He never sends smileys," John muttered in disbelief.
Taylor's. I honestly hope you have not taken any drugs! J
John! S
Sorry. How many notes are there? J
;-) S
"Obviously, I haven't found them all, yet," John said to his future brother-in-law and sat down to make small talk about how things were going on in Baker Street and Whitehall.
"Ah, Sherlock. We were just admiring your newfound romantic self," Mycroft greeted his younger brother when he entered the room with the groceries.
"Funny, Mycroft," Sherlock snarled as a response.
"No, honestly. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Surely, I wouldn't share it with you."
"Coffee, Sherlock?" John intervened. He sometimes felt like a counselor himself when the two of them were around."
"Yes, thank you, Honey," Sherlock replied, smiling sweetly.
"No pet names. I've told you," John warned him and retreated to the kitchen to get another pot of coffee brewing. Sherlock followed him with the milk.
"I see you haven't found all of them…yet."
"You're really overdoing it a bit", John replied.
"Well, you cannot complain that I am not telling you…" Sherlock answered smiling, obviously very pleased with himself, and returned to the living room.
"Poor John was a bit overwhelmed by your actions, dear brother. Just one piece of advice. One note a day is perfectly reasonable."
"Just one?"
"Yes."
"Dull. Boring. Predictable."
Mycroft rolled his eyes.
"What have you come for anyway?" Sherlock asked.
"To give you a present."
"It's not my birthday and you're a bit early for Christmas too," Sherlock pointed out. John could tell from the kitchen that his friend was trying to look as uninterested as possible, just to annoy his brother.
"You're going to be married. Grandpa included you in his will. He bequeathed you his pocket watch, amongst other things, to be given to you and your spouse if you ever married. It is a valuable collection and you always wanted it when you were a child. He also left you a considerable amount of money," Mycroft explained, his smile never fading.
"Strictly speaking, I'm going to have a Civil Partnership which is not really a marriage," Sherlock replied defiantly.
"Oh, I am working on same sex marriage. Don't worry. Soon you will be able to get married to dear John, properly."
"You're not doing that for me." Sherlock glared at his brother.
"Let's say this provides new motivation," Mycroft parried, holding his brother's gaze.
"Great. Let me know." Sherlock looked annoyed.
John entered the room, having heard the last part of the conversation. Mycroft was the devil in disguise.
"Your coffee, Sherlock."
"Thank you."
"Some more coffee, Mycroft?"
"No, thank you John. I must be off. I will leave your present here. You may open it whenever you feel like it."
"Uhm..OK."
"Congratulations to both of you again. Let's make myself absolutely clear. I don't want to have any misunderstandings about the subject… at all. I am giving you my consent."
"As if I would ask you," Sherlock sneered.
"I am giving it none the less. John needs to know that he is very welcome to the family. You're the right man."
"Uhm…good. Ah, thank you Mycroft", John stammered. That man really got on his nerves.
"Yes, thank you Mycroft," Sherlock replied sarcastically.
"I almost forgot…Her majesty and the prime minister send you their best wishes for the forthcoming marriage. I believe you will receive their compliments shortly," Mycroft said. "Well I must be off. Try not to scare John of by stalking him, will you? Bye, Sherlock. Bye, John."
John let out a groan when Mycroft was gone. "Now all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men know about it. Our family and friends, you told me. Not Greater London. Honestly, Sherlock. What was that about?"
"Proving a point undoubtedly," Sherlock replied and looked towards the spot where his brother had been standing a few moments earlier.
"Which point?" John asked uneasily.
"Not sure yet," Sherlock muttered darkly.
"Does he know about the case?"
"I haven't the faintest. He usually doesn't keep track of my cases, you're doing that already… Anyway. He'll do whatever it takes to keep us together."
"Why does he always have to meddle with things?"
"Because he is Mycroft," Sherlock stated matter-of-factly.
"Because he is your brother. You two are just the same."
Sherlock smiled mischievously at John. "Well, get engaged to one and you get the other for free."
"Lucky me."
When they entered the consulting rooms of their therapist later that afternoon, Dr. Stevens gave them a friendly greeting and offered them facing seats. "Let's talk about the days since we last saw each other. You kept a journal to write down the things that happened that you want to go on doing, and you have told each other what you appreciate about one another."
"We had dinner to celebrate our engagement. I liked that. Going out and having fun together," Sherlock started.
"I liked that, too. Sherlock wrote some notes, saying 'I love you'. I like the idea that he made an effort to express himself," John continued.
"I liked last night," Sherlock said, watching John, his face unreadable. He failed to specify what might or might not have happened between them, causing John, who had taken a sip from his water that moment, to cough.
"That sounds very promising. I want you to continue both exercises, the journal and showing your appreciation. Let's move on," Dr. Stevens said smiling. "You mentioned in our first session that you have very heated arguments. I want to focus on changing the way you argue. First of all, how does one of your arguments start?"
"Sherlock's being arrogant - or ignoring social conventions - or just wanting to be right. He can drive me up the wall," John told her, glaring at Sherlock.
"John's being awfully boring or mundane," Sherlock stated with an annoyed expression.
John decided to ignore this comment and concentrated on Dr. Stevens.
"What happens in one of your heated arguments?" she asked.
"I get really mad when we fight. We both yell. I start swearing when we argue and Sherlock makes irritating comments like, "How mature." This makes me madder. Our fights usually end with me getting so angry that I can't even think straight or talk right and I walk away to cool down," John explained to her.
"I shoot the wall," Sherlock replied.
Dr. Stevens might have believed that there was physical abuse involved in their relationship. Fortunately she seemed to think Sherlock just made a bad joke.
John glared at him disapprovingly. "He sits around and keeps sulking until I come back."
"It is both common and normal for couples to have disagreements or conflicts. The important factor is how constructively the conflict is resolved. The way you fight is definitely not good for your relationship. I want to work on improving your conflict management skills. I have some interventions that will help us achieve this goal," Dr. Stevens explained. "John, we discussed your work during the last session. A stressful daily life can influence our way of communicating with each other negatively. How do you feel about your working schedule?"
John sighed. "I'm actually thinking about having a practice of my own. There is one for sale in Kensington and I could take it over with Jackson and Anstruther. One works with me at the surgery; I know the other from the hospital. I feel that it might be the right thing to do. I'm starting to feel discontented at the surgery. I want more." John's eyes flickered towards Sherlock, who didn't look very happy about the development of the conversation.
"You don't have to work there at all. We are making enough money with the consulting business. When did you start thinking about this? Why haven't you told me?" Sherlock asked inquisitively.
"It's not about the money. It's about me," John returned.
"I really do not understand you," Sherlock replied. He stuck his hand against his knee with an impatient gesture.
Dr. Stevens fortunately intervened before the discussion developed into an argument. She asked them to move closer towards each other and take each other's hands.
John felt uneasy and shot a quick glance at Sherlock who seemed to feel ill at ease himself. Neither of them said anything, but they moved their chairs closer and took each other's hands silently. John started to feel warm and tried to fix his gaze on a spot behind Sherlock, not looking him in the eyes. Being so close to Sherlock reminded him of the previous night. Looking him in the eyes might have been a very bad idea. He was convinced that he had blushed already and since nothing ever escaped the detective he tried to avoid turning completely red.
She began the exercise by asking Sherlock to allow himself to feel all of the pressures and stress and grief in his life. He struggled with the task. Feelings were not his area and John assumed that he usually stored them safely away in his mind palace.
John felt comfortable enough again to shoot a glance or two at his friend. Sherlock looked quite uncomfortable. Dr. Stevens asked him to imagine just for a minute John starting a practice on his own. John could tell that Sherlock quickly began to feel his increasing anxiety. His hands were getting sweaty.
She asked him to stay with that feeling and to say to John, "I don't want you to have a practice because…" and let the sentence finish itself without thinking of an ending ahead of time.
He said, "I don't want you to have a practice because you will not have enough time for me anymore."
She asked to continue the sentence and he said, "I don't want you to have a practice because you will not have enough time for me anymore and I need you."
She then asked him to hold onto that feeling and finish the sentence, "You will not have enough time for me anymore and …" He immediately exclaimed, "…you will eventually leave me."
She asked him to make that a little more explicit. "You will leave me because…"
"You will leave me because you will find someone who is lovely, nice and charming. Someone who is perfect for you and then you will start to regret us."
Dr. Stevens turned towards John who was taken aback by Sherlock's words. She asked John to imagine a recent time when their relationship had been under particular pressure. Once he had this in mind, she asked him just to keep visualizing that image of him feeling distressed and not to do anything to change it. She asked him to imagine not starting a practice of his own. He told her that that was hard for him and it gave him a sinking feeling in his chest. He still concentrated on avoiding Sherlock's gaze.
She asked him to stay with that feeling and try saying to Sherlock, "If I don't follow my own way…" and let the sentence finish itself. He took a few deep breaths and said, "If I don't follow my own way, I will lose my independence and you will start to find me boring and dull."
She asked him to make that a little more explicit. She suggested saying to Sherlock, "I just can't follow your way all the time, or I will lose my independence and you will start to find me boring and dull."
He said that it felt true to say that.
She then asked him to go even further. "Even if it makes you feel pressured or angry or sad, I just can't follow your way all the time. If I stop showing up for my own life I will lose my independence and…"
"I will lose you in the end," John finished.
Neither of them had had any idea that this was true prior to their session. Despite their preliminary statement that they would never break up and that they were afraid of their problems destroying them, their fears of being abandoned by one another had obviously been hidden somewhere deep down. They were both shocked and confused about the discovery.
Dr. Stevens summarized it on a notecard for them to read each day. She asked them to correct her and make sure that the words they chose were complete true. They ended up settling on: "John is afraid that if he does not maintain an independent life Sherlock will lose interest in him and break up. But this makes Sherlock feel like John is distancing himself from him and their current life, which makes him feel even worse." Dr. Stevens asked them just to recognize that this was true and not to try to change anything immediately.
"I want to summarize what you've learnt about communication today. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and blame are destructive to your relationship. Showing your emotions can help you to achieve what you want in your relationship. Don't hold back in showing your partner positive feelings. If you're feeling some negative emotions take a deep breath. Ask yourself what fears lie behind them. Remember to be kind and to choose your words carefully. Reaching for true intimacy requires opening up some part of yourself that is tender and easily hurt. Be willing to take responsibility for your side in a disagreement and apologize for your part. It will take some practice to let this become second nature while arguing with each other. You will need to practice daily," she told them. She gave them a checklist to use during their next argument and advised them to take a break as soon as they started to feel overwhelmed.
"Maybe you want to exchange a hug, now that you've told each other what fear lies behind your argument." She smiled at them reassuringly.
Another awkward moment followed. Both men stared at each other. Wordlessly Sherlock leant forwards and wrapped his arms around John, who was still stunned. He forced himself to lean into the embrace. It wasn't their first embrace for he had hugged him after he returned from the dead – and after he had punched him hard. But this one wasn't joyful; it was tender and shy and suggested a different kind of affection. He felt Sherlock's warmth and smelled his scent. John couldn't help but blush because he caught himself automatically inhaling deeply.
"Constructive conflict resolution promotes emotional intimacy and is an important component in order for couples to have a satisfying sex life. So, you are already doing things to improve the level of sexual satisfaction in your relationship. By improving the way you handle conflict, you are improving your sex lives. How do you feel about being intimate with each other for homework?"
Sherlock agreed. John remained silent and reluctantly disentangled himself from Sherlock's embrace.
"Being intimate does not mean just having sex. It can mean touching, hugging, cuddling, giving and receiving massages, and so on. I'd like for you to incorporate some of these no-sex intimate acts into your day. This will help you with this exercise", she explained and gave them some sort of manual. There seemed to be a manual or checklist for everything.
"I want you to focus on the non-sex acts of intimacy. Later on I want you to plan some free hours to take the time to explore what each other's likes and dislikes are. How do you feel about this homework assignment?"
John forced a smile and told her that he was fine with intimacy. He made a mental note to take some night shifts at the surgery just in case Sherlock really wanted to try any of the exercises. Luckily, John had enough experiences in that area to make up some stories.
"Please try to focus on the fun of being together and being intimate with each other."
Later that night, John had trouble getting to sleep. He heard the soft and regular breathing of Sherlock beside him but could tell that he wasn't asleep either. John sighed and continued to watch a spot on the ceiling he couldn't really see. "Mary was perfect. She was flawless," he whispered softly." But all I could think of was, that I wanted you back." Sometimes it was easier to say things like this in the dark.
Sherlock didn't respond. Sometimes it was easier to hear them in the dark as well.