Paradigm Shift

WWKD

WWKD

What would Kirk do?

Kirk would cheat.

How do I cheat?

Change the rules.

How do I change the rules?

Sheldon grinned and smacked the arm of the couch. He wiggled his tushy deeper into the cushion and sat up confidently. The goddesses stepped back and look at each other warily; tense and ready to fight. This is why he caught them by surprise when he said,

"May I ask how you found this apple?" Hera recovered first.

"I thought you knew, smarty-pants." Sheldon turned his head away and held out his hands modestly.

"Please, I am merely mortal and can't know everything. Lay it out for me, ma'am. I'm in need of some context." They looked at each other and shrugged for the second time that day. Hera continued.

"We were sitting by the fountain after I married Peleus and Thetis. We were discussing… a charity case."

That again. Clearly code for something important. Sheldon briefly allowed his mind to speculate. Could my spot truly be the center of the universe? As soon as the thought entered his mind he dismissed it. No, as wonderful as it was he knew better than that. It was just nice to pretend.

"We were just wrapping up when it sailed over the wall and landed in front of our feet."

"Who was at the wedding?"

"Everyone," Aphrodite said.

"Please, be more specific. Everyone was not there."

"Who do you think you are talking to me like…"

"Someone threw the apple from the other side of the wall. Ergo, not everyone could have been present within the walls. It is my understanding a human being can't just walk up to Mount Olympus and make a scene, correct? So who was not invited, yet had access to approach the walls and lob this over to you?" Hera crossed her arms.

"There were plenty of demigods who could have come close." Athena shook her head.

"But only Heracles could have thrown it high enough and he's been dead for years." Sheldon closed his eyes and smiled.

Sheldon Cooper, for the win.

"A god then. Or another goddess?" Hera covered her face and groaned.

"Damn." Aphrodite looked at her, alarmed.

"What is it?" Hera uncovered her face and looked upo at the ceiling.

"Eris."

"She wasn't there?"

"No, I told her she couldn't come." Hera began pacing around the room angrily. "Last time she came to a party she ran around telling everyone she saw Dionysus pissing in the wine. It was true but she told him to do it in the first place. All she ever does is cause trouble." The other two stared at her, the truth dawning on them all.

"That bitch!" Aphrodite yelled. Athena hung her head in shame.

"I feel like an idiot." Aphrodite stomped her feet and turned her back on them all.

"Screw this crap. I could have been getting laid by now!" With that she disappeared as suddenly as she'd arrived. Hera's face darkened as she practically growled her realization.

"Zeus probably is getting laid by now," and she and her shadow followed Aphrodite into the ether. Sheldon suddenly found himself alone in the room with Athena. She looked depressed.

"Aphrodite should stick with Hephaestus. Ares is an asshole. Anyway, well played, Sheldon Cooper." He shifted in his spot.

"I don't know. Seems a little anti-climactic." He smiled at her. "I don't suppose I could have some kind of reward?" She just looked at him. "I didn't think so." He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure I want to know, but why were you all looking at me?"

"Be nice to Amy, Sheldon."

"I wasn't talking about her, but of course. I'm always nice to Amy. Why do you say that?"

"Aphrodite hates to lose." She laughed bitterly. "Who am I kidding? We all do." For the life of him, Sheldon could not figure out how to process that.

"I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." Athena's glum expression turned angry. Before she could say anything, Glaucus started clapping and chittering excitedly. She turned the angry look on him instead.

"I don't care if he's quoting someone. That doesn't make it OK for him to insult me. Especially if he's quoting someone imaginary!" She turned back and pointed her finger at Sheldon. "Just be sure to keep an open mind in the future, Sheldon. Change is coming whether you like it or not." Sheldon jumped up.

"Wait!" That he understood, sort of. "What kind of change? I don't like change. Change is bad." Athena ignored him again. She was losing interest in his eccentricities. She had her own life, after all.

"Well, if Ares and Aphrodite aren't having sex on the table yet I intend to be back in time for the chicken dance. It's my turn to sacrifice the chicken." Glaucus shrieked again. "Yes, and in time for you to watch Babylon 5. But, tomorrow we are going to have a serious talk about how much time you spend watching TV. And as for you," she looked pointedly at Sheldon. "I hope you know that philosophy did exist before Prime Time TV." Sheldon nodded graciously.

"I'll agree to that, if you concede it wasn't much more than boring jibber jabber until someone added space ships and aliens." Athena shook her head in exasperation while Glaucus clapped his hands. She put her stormtrooper helmet back on and vanished.