My opinion on Thursday's ep is at the end of this chapter. So consider this the 'Spoiler Alert' warning!

I hope you enjoy the chapter. I wrote the end scene weeks ago and I couldn't wait to get to this part of the story. :-)

Chapter 7

"Special Agent Sloan?"

"What is it?" Mark snapped back. He wasn't in the mood for small talk right now. The situation with Lexie was keeping his nerves on edge. He'd already picked up the phone five times this day with the intent to call her but every time he couldn't bring himself to actually press the call button.

"Special Agent Monroe just called."

Mark's heart fell into his stomach at the mention of Lexie's boss, the face of the Junior Agent telling him that Monroe hadn't been calling only to give him an update and he leaned back against his desk, fearing that something had happened to Lexie.

"Special Agent Grey and Burns were pursuing a lead when Special Agent Burns got shot." Mark's shoulders slumped down in relief but the serious look on the Agent's face made him dread what would come out of his mouth next. He would deliver bad news. "He died at the scene."

Mark closed his eyes for a few seconds, scolding himself for being relieved that it hadn't been Lexie who had been shot. His heart squeezed in his chest when the reality of what happened finally settled in. Lexie lost her partner. He knew what it was like. He'd been on three tours. He'd lost a lot of people.

"Thank you, Agent Callister." Mark said brusquely, hoping that the Agent would leave his office but he apparently wasn't finished yet.

"Special Agent Monroe told me to tell you that Special Agent Grey is at home now and that she is okay."

"She is not okay, Callister." Mark barked, shaking his head as he saw the astounded look on Callister's face. He shouldn't kill the messenger. He doubted Monroe believed Lexie was okay but the NCIS Agent was a smart man. He knew Mark would need to check for himself how she was doing. He apparently believed Mark might be able to help her and he would at least try. "You are not okay when you've just lost your partner."

"Of course, Sir. I'm sorry."

"Never mind." Mark grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and walked briskly towards the door. "I have to go."

~M&L~

She should have protected him. He had been her partner for almost five years. They'd trusted each other. At first out of necessity but over the years they'd become friends. She knew that everyone at the Navy Yard thought that they were together, that they were partners in their personal lives, too. But they hadn't been. They'd always been friends. Nothing more. They'd never wanted to be more than friends. As strangely as it might sound but they'd never felt the pull.

She'd lost one of her best friend. He'd bled to death under her fingers while his only concern had been her happiness. She knew it wasn't her fault but the guilt was eating at her. Maybe if they'd done something different, if she'd done something different he would be still here. He would greet her with one of his cocky smiles tomorrow morning, joking about the close call.

She jerked her legs up, wrapping her arms around them, laying her face on her knees, the sharp bones pressing into her eye sockets and a whimper escaped her throat when she saw Scott's face at the back of her eyelids, his eyes twinkling with amusement before the image changed and she saw him lying on the cold concrete, the blood pooling around him, trying to give her a last shaky smile before his eyes went blank and his grip on her hand slackened. It had all happened so quickly. One second he was giving her signs to stay behind him, having his back, and the next she heard the shots ringing through the air and Scott just fell to the ground without making a sound.

She was barely holding on. She didn't know how to cope. First Mark got shot and facing the possibility that he could die had shaken her up immensely. But he'd pulled through. Scott didn't. She knew they had a high risk job, but what are the chances that two of her partners got shot at within two months?

Her whole body felt cold. On the inside and on the outside. What was the freaking point in making friends, falling in love, when you could lose the people you love in a blink of an eye?

She'd promised Scott to give Mark a chance, to give a relationship with him a try, to let him in. But she wasn't sure if she could keep that promise. What if she would lose him, too? What if she would let him into her heart and then he would get ripped away from her side like Scott? She hardly knew how she should go on with her life after Scott's death. After she'd lost her partner. Her best friend. What would happen when she would lose the man she was in love with?

A knock on the door made her scrunch her face in confusion. She wasn't expecting anyone. She wanted to grieve. Alone. She wanted to go back to the industrial area over and over again in her mind in the hope that replaying Scott's death a hundred times would make it less painful. She stumbled to her feet when the knocking didn't stop. Fury was rising up in her chest, fury towards the one standing on the other side of the door. Jerking the door open, she had already a harsh comment on her tongue when she locked eyes with the man she would have expected the least.

"Mark?" She asked confused, wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her but when she heard his deep voice replying to her, she had to lean against the door to stay upright as her knees seemed to buckle under her.

"Can I come in?"

The sight of him made her realize that he was the only one she actually wanted to see right now. She didn't want to question it, didn't want to dwell over the meaning of it. She was just glad that he was here. She opened the door wider to let him in. She couldn't say anything. She was afraid that the moment she would open her mouth, she would start to cry and she didn't want to cry anymore.

Mark's heart broke for her as she opened the door. She was anything but okay. He only needed a second to take it all in. The dark circles under her eyes, the puffiness of her face which indicated that she had been crying, the devastation in her eyes and the hollowness of her cheeks making it look like she'd lost ten pounds since the last time he'd seen her.

Stepping into her apartment, he waited until she closed the door behind them before he said quietly. "I've heard."

Lexie almost choked on the sobs that rushed through her throat as she heard the tenderness in his voice, as she saw the understanding in his eyes.

"I ..." Lexie licked her lips, balling her hands into fists at the side of her body, her nails digging into her flesh and her vision suddenly blurred as the tears welled up in her eyes. "He died." Gulping hard, she lifted her hand, pressing her trembling fingers against her closed eyelids, taking in sharp breaths.

Suddenly she felt Mark's hand on her shoulder, pulling her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest as a sob escaped her throat. "He just died, Mark."

"I'm so sorry, Lex." Mark whispered into her hair, his arms tightening around her. "I'm so sorry."

She almost broke down as she listened to his whispered words, his hands were brushing soothingly over her back and Lexie bit her lip, trying to mash down the tears that rose up in her chest. But when she turned her head, a whiff of Mark's cologne reached her nostrils and she remembered sniffing his jacket, remembered the conversation with Scott only a few hours ago and the loss slammed into her chest, making it almost impossible to breathe.

"Let it out." Mark said quietly, brushing his lips over her forehead. "I'm here. You don't need to hold anything back. I'm here."

His words sliced right through her defenses and the tears burst out of her eyes, strangled sobs tore at her throat and she clasped his shirt in her fists as she let the grief and loss take over her body.

Mark pulled her closer, letting her cry as long as she needed to, giving her the silent support of his embrace. Holding her shaking body was the only thing he could do for her right in that moment. He would talk to her later. But right now she needed to let the grief out of her body. Otherwise she would drown in it.

He didn't know how long they were standing in the middle of her living room before the sobs subsided. He didn't care. If she needed him to stand there all night he would do it.

Strangely Lexie didn't feel embarrassed. Maybe she should. Ten days ago she'd pushed him away. She'd told him that she didn't want to start an intimate relationship with him. But here he was, comforting her in one of the worst moments of her life and she'd never felt more secure. Being in his arms was the only place she wanted to be right now. The pain of losing Scott was still weighing on her chest but Mark's presence relieved the pressure a little bit. She needed to talk about it and he was the only one she could imagine talking to about it.

"How do you go on with your life? How do you survive?" Lexie leaned back, pressing her hand against his chest to get away from him. She needed to distance herself from him for a minute. She needed to see his face when he answered her.

"You just do." Mark replied calmly.

"You just do?" Lexie punched her fist into him, feeling relief when her hand connected with his rib cage and she started to pound on his chest, the hurt over Scott's death bursting out of her in violent strokes as she screamed at him. "I can't just do. He was my partner. My friend. He is gone and I will never talk to him again."

Mark didn't defend himself. He knew she needed to get it out of her system. The hurt. The anger. He didn't care if he would end up with some bruises. He could take some sore muscles if it helped her.

"He died! He freaking died on me! How could he do that to me?" Lexie couldn't see anymore where her fists were hitting Mark because the tears were streaming down her face again. "He can't be dead. He just can't."

When Mark felt her punches weaken, he put his hands on her arms, pushing her gently back. "It's never easy, Lex. Losing someone … it leaves bruises." He let one hand trail along her throat up to her face, caressing her cheek as he continued in a low voice. "On your heart. On your soul. Especially violent deaths."

"I forgot for a second that you were in the military." Lexie whispered, flattening her hand against his chest, brushing her fingers over the fabric to smooth out the wrinkles her fingers had left on it.

"We chose a profession where we can lose someone every day, Lexie. We just have to live with it."

"I know that." Lexie replied calmly. "In my head. But actually losing someone so close to your heart ..."

"It gets better with time. But it will never go away completely."

Lexie could hear the sadness in his voice and looked at him thoughtfully. He had been in the military for several years. He probably had lost more men than she could imagine.

"I can see the scars." Lexie lifted her hand, wrapping her fingers around his.

"What do you mean?"

"You are hiding them very well. But I can still see them."

"They are all over my body. You've seen me in shorts. It would be hard to hide them."

"I'm not talking about the physical scars, Mark." Lexie pulled his hand down from her face, putting their entwined hands directly over his heart. "I'm talking about the ones you can't see. The ones you don't show everyone."

She felt his hand stiffen, could see it in his eyes that he wanted to back away but she didn't loosen her grip, holding his gaze with her eyes.

"Don't close up on me, Mark." She begged him quietly. "Not now."

"Death was always only a step away." Mark replied, tightening his grip around her hand. He wasn't able to keep his walls up. Not in front of her. "You never forget a single one of them. Each death leaves a hole in your heart. They heal with time but every death leaves a scar."

Lexie's eyes glistened with tears as Mark repeated almost exactly Scott's words but she'd cried herself out. She just hadn't any tears left.

"You learn to live with them." Mark lifted her hand to his face, pressing a kiss against her fingers. "The only way to honor the lost lives is to live your life to the fullest."

"Mark?" Lexie stared up into his eyes, her fingers tingled where his lips had brushed over her skin.

Looking at her face, Mark held his breath, seeing the desire in her eyes. He wouldn't like what would come out of her mouth next. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to resist her. This wasn't the time. It wouldn't be right. Ten days ago she'd told him they couldn't sleep together because she feared that she could lose him and just a few hours ago she'd lost her partner.

"Can we forget for one night?" Lexie asked.

"Forget what?"

"The scars. Life." Lexie shrugged her shoulders, the grief being deeply settled in the depths of her eyes.

"What are you asking of me?"

"To forget in the best way we can. The only way we can."

"I'm not sure I want to hear the rest. We shouldn't ..."

"I want you, Mark. You know that." Lexie said firmly. "I'm done wasting another minute of my life."

"You are gonna regret it tomorrow." Mark replied. "You are gonna despise me for taking advantage of your grief."

"So you're gonna walk away?"

"I would if I could."

Mark leaned down, crushing his lips on hers. He had every intention of being gentle, to take his time. But when her mouth opened under his and their tongues met, the passion overwhelmed them.

Desperate tongues clashed against each other, frantic hands roamed over bodies, mouths sucked on sensitive flesh, teeth scraped over skin. They went insane. Clawing, bruising, scratching as their bodies overpowered their brains, giving them what they wanted most.

A few moments where nothing else mattered than to feel the heat of each other's skin. A few moments where they could forget about their scars. A few moments where they didn't need to face the harsh truth of reality.

Sighs and moans filled the air, whispered names on a breath of air. Groans escaped throats as they pushed each other towards the edge. Their hearts were beating wildly, their bodies were slick with sweat as they drove each other closer and closer until they both hit their peaks, spiraling into release.

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Sooo, ... about Thurdays's ep.

At least she let him die, too. I feared she would let him leave Sofia or some bullshit like that. I would have really liked a flashback with Lexie but at least she gave us the 'Who would your partner be' moment. I have to admit when he said Lexie Grey it made me all teary-eyed. Imagine they would dance at his granddaughter's wedding sixty years from now.

There is only one episode left and then my days of watching GA are over. I'm actually glad I don't have to watch the Callie festival the show obviously is going to turn into. If Eric would still be on the show I would have still watched it because I love Mark Sloan (obviously) but they are both gone now, so I can stay in my happy fanfiction bubble where I can write about them getting together and live happily ever after as much as I want.

R.I.P.

Mark Sloan

and

Lexie Grey