Hello again my dears!

Bella time!

Um, no warnings here, except maybe grab a cookie and enjoy!

Fix You- Coldplay

~~oo~~

Chapter 30: Damn everyone else.

BPOV

I watched as people came in and out of the bakery. Saturdays looked like busy days. But then again, I wasn't around for any other day of the week, so I could only assume. Based on the smell of baked goods that filtered out every time someone opened the door, I could understand the business.

My stomach rumbled from the smell and I had already eaten breakfast.

When it finally looked like the stream of customers had lessened, I said a silent prayer that I wouldn't mess this up and stepped inside. Immediately I was overwhelmed by the smell of bread and baked goods.

It was like heaven.

The bell above the door rang out, and the man behind the counter looked up from the display case.

Tall and blond and so not the kind of person you think of when you think baker.

A little rough around the edges, wavy blond hair and in jeans and a western snap shirt.

With a white apron that told me he worked here and hadn't robbed the place and taken over.

What had I expected?

One of those tall white hats and maybe a twirly moustache?

I needed to stay away from Disney stereotypes.

"Good morning! What can I get for you darlin'?"

I shuffled a little closer to the display case, eyeing the delectable goodies there and tried to gather up the courage to ask for the application.

"Um, my name is Bella Swan," I started, only to jump when he let out a loud bark of a laugh.

"You're the Chief's daughter! He was telling me about you just yesterday!" the man exclaimed and extended his hand towards me.

It was stained red and blue.

"Oh. Sorry," he said and wiped at it a little harder. "Had to make dye for the little league cupcakes this morning. I'm Jasper. I own the place."

I took his hand and let him shake it vigorously before he let it go.

"So your dad said you were looking for weekend work?" he continued, grinning broadly and watching me with a deep gaze that left me wondering if he could see in my head.

"Um, yeah," I stammered, clearing my throat. "You know, something to make a little extra money. I like to bake, so he thought this would be interesting."

"You like to bake?" he asked, his voice getting more animated. It was hard not to feel his excitement when he seemed to like what he did so much.

I nodded.

"Well, let's give you a tour and I'll ask all the obligatory questions," he said and then leaned over the counter towards me. "Although I'll probably hire you anyway."

I stepped through the break in the counter and he pointed to several things as we passed towards the back of the store. Ovens and prep tables that were so much more than I had ever worked with. And big mixers and shelves upon shelves of dry ingredients.

It was like baker's Mecca.

"What's the favorite thing you like to make?" he asked as we toured the kitchen.

"I really like to make cookies. But I like to make pie and cakes too," I said, a little overwhelmed by the immensity of the room.

"I need someone to make pies!" he said excitedly. "I never get the crust right."

We walked back out to the front counter where he pulled out a few treats and motioned me to the small café tables. I sat down while he made us something to drink.

"Coffee?"

I shook my head.

"Water, if it's okay," I replied. I had already had my limit for the day. And I was nervous enough.

"So," Jasper said, sliding into the seat across from me. "Why do you love to bake?"

I toyed with my glass and put my thoughts together.

"Baking is something that makes me feel better. It calms me. It's like a sort of therapy sometimes," I said, shrugging. "And you get a nice treat for your labor."

His smile widened.

"I do it for the same reason," he replied, his voice much softer than before. "A labor of love. Nothing bad can come from a little sugar and spice."

I blushed and dropped my eyes, my thoughts suddenly in the gutter.

"Um, except maybe wider hips," I replied, recovering.

"Ah, well," he said, laughing. "Baked goods are like everything in the world. Everything in moderation. Too much of anything will be bad for you."

I smiled and took the cupcake he offered me. I liked his easy conversation, and he didn't seem brash or hard to talk to. I appreciated that.

"So, you want to work Saturdays?" he asked.

"What would I be doing?" I asked. "I've never baked in such a large kitchen, and I've never used a cash register before."

He waved off the questions with his empty wrapper.

"We'll start you off easy. The equipment is super simple. Just like your stuff at home, only bigger. Can you start next Saturday?" he asked, all smiles.

I nodded, excited to start something new and exciting. This was so much better than the idea of selling hiking boots at Newton's. Especially since there was no Mike to harass me. Jasper gave me all the paperwork I needed and then shoved a box full of treats to me, instructing me to eat them for research.

I somehow had the idea that Charlie would be ecstatic to have so many sweets around.

I was in a great mood as I pulled into the driveway.

It was like today was meant to be perfect.

Climbing out of the truck, I was reaching in for the box of pastries when I heard the car pull up behind me. Turning around, my spirits continued to soar when I saw the silver car parked there. Looking at my phone, I saw Edward was early.

And when he stepped out of the car, his smile lit me on fire. He was in such a good mood.

Today was going to be perfect.

"Hi," I said, grinning. "You're early."

His smile quivered and he looked back towards the house.

"Is that all right?" he asked. "I couldn't wait."

People who say your stomach doesn't flutter when the boy you like says something sweet are delusional. My stomach was flip-flopping like crazy.

"It's great," I replied and sighed when he got close enough to wrap his arms around me, holding me close.

"I wanted to get here as soon as I could," he whispered near my ear. He squeezed me gently and I heard him take a long breath. "You smell like cookies."

I hummed against his chest, a little dizzy when he finally pulled himself away to look at what was in my hands.

"From the bakery. I just got a job there," I explained and he grinned.

He looked so beautiful when he smiled.

"Other people will get to taste your cookies?" he teased. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"You get my special cookies," I shot back, watching in amusement when his mouth went a little slack.

He shook himself out of it and took the box from me, peeking inside.

"Nope, these aren't the ones I want," he quipped and put his arm around me as we walked towards the house, his arm much more relaxed than it was yesterday. It was strange how happy he was, knowing we had to sit and talk about everything.

He paused at the door, looking inside with the more familiar nervous look I was used to.

"Charlie's gone fishing," I said and waited for him to step inside.

"We're alone?" he asked.

"Until probably after sundown," I replied and took the box from his hands to leave in the kitchen.

He didn't follow me, and I wondered if his confidence was wavering.

Or maybe he was thinking of throwing me over his shoulder and taking me upstairs.

I was glad I had changed my sheets.

But when I went to find him, he was in the living room, sitting carefully on one end of the couch. It was my fault really. I told him we had to talk first before anything else. And regardless of what my body was saying, I knew we had to have some clarity if we were going to get on with it.

I sat on the opposite end of the couch, giving him a little room.

I wasn't sure how close I could get without wanting to climb on him, and with his comments about touching the day before, I figured it was safer to just start as far away as I could. We'd talk and then it would be okay.

I had decided that going slow like he wanted couldn't be that bad. We really still didn't know a lot about each other.

Well, my brain and heart had decided. My body was threatening to start a revolution. Especially with the outfit he was wearing.

I had never seen Edward in slacks and a button up, and he looked good.

Even if the button up was hiding what I was starting to obsess over.

I admit, since feeling him the day before, it was all I thought about.

What it looked like, what it felt like, what it tasted…

"Bella?"

I blinked and jerked my head up to his face, my blush raging at being caught staring at his crotch.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something," I replied weakly.

He shifted in his seat, so that his back was to the arm of the sofa and he was facing me. I mirrored him, and soon we were sitting there, looking at one another with a few feet of Charlie's brown plaid sofa in between us.

"I'm not really sure how to start," he said quietly. He chuckled and grabbed at his hair nervously, looking away from me.

His nervousness in turn made me nervous.

What could be so bad that he didn't want to talk about it?

"I'm sort of messed up," he started and then shook his head. "But I'm trying to be better. And I learned this morning that I can do better."

I shifted a little closer to him, wanting to reach out and just hold his hand. His guarded stare made me slow down. I reached slowly, hoping he wouldn't decide to run.

"It can't be that bad. And you said you're trying to be better. That's good," I said, encouraging him. I reached his hand on his knee, covering it gently. He let out a sound, like a pained sigh and let me wrap my fingers around his hand.

"The point is, I want to do this right with you," he continued. "I don't want to hurt you or do something to you that you don't want."

I shifted a little closer.

"I think you don't understand what I want, Edward," I said, feeling his knees against mine as I slid closer.

"I know what you want."

I sat there, dumbfounded.

"What do I want?" I asked, my voice far too breathy for this conversation.

He swallowed and when his eyes met mine, they were dark and conflicted.

"You want exactly what I want," he murmured before looking down again. "But I want more, much, much more."

My breathing had picked up. I didn't know if he really knew what I wanted, but if he wanted more, I was game.

"So why are we not doing that?" I asked. "Why were you so put off by me touching you? Did I hurt you? Did… did I do it wrong?"

The side of his mouth turned up slightly and he shook his head, looking up at me through his eyelashes. That look made my heart hammer.

"Then what is making you stop me from doing it?" I asked, almost pleading.

He sighed and leaned back a little, like he was coming up for air from the deep end of the pool.

"The reason is long and complicated," he said, groaning in frustration. "I don't even understand it all."

"Okay," I replied quietly, trying to think of all the reasons he'd want to slow things down between us. "Did someone hurt you? Is that why you don't like to be touched?"

He frowned and looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I guess I was, to some degree. But it's not that I don't want to be touched," he replied. "I just want it differently."

Wanted it differently?

Was he…kinky?

And why did that get me a little hot?

It was a little scary, but I trusted him.

He wouldn't hurt me. I was pretty sure.

What if he wanted me to do things to him?

"Are you freaked out yet?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I want to know how to make you like it when we're together," I confessed, blushing at my ignorance.

His hand gripped mine a little tighter and he pulled me a little closer once more, his other hand moving to take my free one. Licking his lips he watched my hands while he spoke, his voice a little detached.

"There's a lot of things I want, and it wasn't until this morning that I realized that I could even hope for those things. But I'm not used to the idea that I can have it. It's always been decided for me."

I squeezed his hand in encouragement, watching as he mentally put together what he wanted to say.

"We moved from Alaska because of me," he started….

~~oo~~

"I just want normal."

I sat there, motionless as his voice finally drifted off, his eyes still focused on our hands, which were very warm against his knees. I couldn't breathe, my chest hurt.

My heart hurt.

My mind was numb.

I didn't know exactly what to feel.

Shame for having called him Creepy Hot Guy, because he thought he was creepy when he was not.

Pissed that someone would do that to someone like Edward. I didn't know him that well, but he didn't deserve to be treated like he had by this Tanya bitch. She had warped something that should have been good and honest and pleasurable.

Shame again for having such dirty thoughts about him, for wanting to jump his bones, even now.

Guilt for tempting him, albeit I never meant to. It was just in his nature.

Shame again for wanting him because it was his nature.

Anger that his parents didn't see he was in need.

Angry that no one had given him what he needed.

Sad that his views of sex were so skewed. And so different from mine.

Maybe.

And pained because I knew I was weak and would only serve to tempt him more.

Hopeful, because even as broken as he was in places, I still wanted him.

In every way.

"It's understandable if you want to call this off. Like I said, I'm messed up," he mumbled, still looking down.

I grit my teeth at his words.

I wasn't having it.

No.

Damn everyone else.

Screw the shame and the guilt and the pain.

Edward was all that mattered.

I wanted him to have what he lost. What he needed.

I wanted so much to fix him. Make him smile again.

"Edward," I whispered.

He glanced up, his eyes squeezing shut when he felt my hand slip out of his.

"Edward."

My hands traced across his cheeks, his eyes remaining tightly closed.

My fingertips continued their path until I couldn't reach further.

Down his neck.

Across his shoulders.

Until I had to sit up.

Legs pressing against his, the heat of them burning me just like yesterday.

But this was different. We were different.

I leaned forward, my cheek leaned against his.

"Edward."

Hands moving around to his back where I could feel him tense and breathe a little heavier.

"Bella."

"It's okay, Edward," I whispered, my mouth close to his ear as I pulled him closer me, hugging him to me.

I could feel his hands on my hips struggling to hold me away for only a second before his fingers wrapped around my middle, pulling me onto his lap.

His arms wrapped around me, holding me close.

And I held him closer.

Because this is what he needed.

More than anything else.

This is what I could easily give him.

His warm breath felt good against my neck.

His warm arms felt good around me.

My mind might have thought of a million and one scenarios with Edward Cullen for today.

But this one was real. And better than any of the other thoughts.

I silently swore I'd be anything he needed.

I'd make him see he was beautiful.

I'd help him to see.

I'd help to fix him.

Not for any other reason but to feel this against me again and again.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward?"

He pulled away enough to look up into my eyes. One of his hands slipped up to brush across my cheeks. I hadn't realized I was crying.

"Thank you," he murmured.

I shook my head and smiled down at him.

"For what?"

"For listening, and trusting me," he whispered, his lips close to mine.

I leaned in and let my lips travel over his while he pulled me closer. It was a slow kiss, something that we both needed.

I needed to be reminded that slow was good.

And he needed it to help him work through everything that had been done to him.

If this was his idea of slow, I knew we could manage.

One kiss at a time.

~~oo~~

AN: awwww. Darn it when I am feeling all sentimental!

Wonder what kind of limits they'll set for one another.

Maybe Bella would like some of what Edward learned.

Hope Esme is watching over FC while Edward and Bella make out on Charlie's couch.

Until tomorrow all!

MWAH!

steph